#they deserved so much space to try and work through all the shit they've been through and what they did to each other

[cononeillbreastingboobily]

One of the things I'm particularly bitter about when it comes to this ending is how it flattened Ed and Izzy's relationship.

You can't, in the same season give me

"I have... love for you, Edward." "I loved you, best I could." "Artsy outsider was always your thing." "A shark did this."

and

"Hello Mr. Latch! it's not your fault you're broken, no. Were just trying to do your job, weren't ya?"

and expect me to just... move on from that, accepting that we will never get anything more from them, that their relationship won't get explored, that they won't have a the chance, time and space to finally talk it through as a crew, to air out their grievances, to reach a boiling point, and to decide where to move on from there. Within just a few episodes they became the most fascinating part of the show for me, and the fact that, as far as we know, this is it for them... yeah, I don't like that at all.

[the-eeveekins]

The 16th Day of G-Witch: Father and Child

Alright, let's get this over with. Look, if you like this episode or Guel, you might want to skip this one because I'm about to be a hater here. Also as a heads up, I decided to avoid the shot of Seethia's body in my screencaps, because as much as I dislike this episode, that's still a tough moment and tough to look at.

This episode pisses me off, and it's IMO unarguably the worst episode in the entire series. It's all so incredible pointless and irrelevant to the main story, and ultimately a gigantic waste of time that should have been spent elsewhere. Olcott and the Dawn of Fold do not play any role in the rest of the series, and the short 5 second scene in the final episode felt more tacked on to try and even remotely justify why nearly an entire episode was spent on them. Guel is not that integral to the main story that he deserved a chunk of an entire episode dedicated to his development and essentially putting him in the main character seat for an episode. The only impact this episode had later on in the show was so Guel could recognize that one kid on Earth who let slip Shaddiq's secret. Which was already a ridiculous coincidence that it could have been replaced with nearly anything.

It's insulting and sexist that in the first Gundam series with a female main character, they completely sidelined her for an entire episode just to let the most popular male character play at being the MC for an episode that has almost nothing to do with the main story and was designed to be more like a traditional Gundam episode than what G-Witch was. It feels like something that staff were ultimately forced to keep in so the executives who feared the show failing could distract fans who hated it with the standard Gundam tropes and a male character in the lead role, like jingling shiny keys in front of someone's face. And the worst part is? It worked. A chunk of the fanbase LOVED this episode because it felt like a classic Gundam episode and made them want to throw away what made G-Witch special and unique for more of the same shit they've had for 40+ years.

And all of that cost the show time it desperately needed to spend on the main story and characters with way more importance than Guel or Olcott. The only good thing I have to say about this episode is that the Prodoros IS a cool mobile suit. I hope it gets a model kit someday.

I've got to agree with Norea here. Nika is incredibly naive about the situation Earthian's face. Wanting to solve problems without violence is certainly a worthwhile goal, but not one that is always practical. Sometimes violence and war is necessary to overthrow tyranny and oppression. It was made clear in S1 than when Earthians peacefully protest their terrible conditions, they're met with violence by the Benerit Group. And when peace is no longer an option, you have to use violence to fight back.

Likewise, I actually think Shaddiq gets a bad rap from a large part of the fanbase. Some of that is rightfully because of his actions towards Miorine, but a lot of it I think comes from the sort of people who just like to yell "WAR IS BAD" and do not comprehend that in some situations, war is necessary to overthrow oppressive groups like the Benerit Group and Spacian Governments.

Giving weapons to Earthain groups is a solid idea that will even the playing field and make it difficult if not impossible for space to opress Earth through force, forcing them to the negotiating table for equality, and if all else fails, kicking them off Earth and reclaiming their resources themselves. My only concern with Shaddiq's approach is that I'm not sure he wouldn't try to lead Earthians even further into oppressing Spacians as revenge.

This is actually the one time I don't fault Guel for trying to do something "heroic." Trying to save Seethia, while probably being ultimately pointless, was a good thing to do. It's just a shame that, despite literally having a child die in his arms due to an attack by the Benerit Group, he learns all the wrong lessons from it.

This conversation serves absolutely no purpose. It doesn't actually make any sense (he was a member of Dominicus, Earthains attacked him and killed his family and now he...works for an Earthian terrorist group?) and ultimately it's a completely meaningless detail that has absolutely no effect on anything.

And finally, the cherry on top, the downfall of Guel's character. I really tried to like him, but this was very much the beginning of the end. After going through a trauma conga line and learning NOT to play the hero, Guel finally sees what his father's company has been doing to Earthians his whole life, and even has an innocent child die in his arms because of the attack.

And the lesson Guel takes away from all of this is that he wants to save his father's company and keep the oppression machine going? I get that maybe Guel being the one to fail and not break free from the shadow of his abusive parents was the whole point of his character arc (Kashtanka), but it's still disappointing.

And after all that bullshit, we drop these incredibly important details in a post-credit scene at the end of the episode. All of this information, from what Notrette intended to do with Quiet Zero and what happened to her, was way more important to the story than everything that happened in the previous 20 minutes. But all it gets is a short scene at the end of the episode and is never further elaborated on.

This should have been the episode we learned more about Notrette and Quiet Zero, maybe even more about Prospera and Delling. Instead we got Guel and Olcott's pointless adventure.

[robotslenderman]

under the cut bc I don't know if I will delete this later

#and what if they WERE trans

Look, that's not what they're trying to do with these posts. It's important to show trans people that they are supported and loved, but this post, specifically, does not have trans people as a target audience. The target audience are TERFs.

What they're trying to do with these posts is show TERFs that they're not safe from other TERFs. They think their idea of "women only" spaces will keep them safe because the entire TERF ideology is born of fear of harm for being a woman. TERFs isolate themselves from men, they isolate themselves from everyone else because they are so obsessed with trans people that they only hang out with other TERFs.

Posts like these show them they are wrong - other TERFs are a bigger threat to them than transgender people. And when their entire networks are made of other TERFs, holy shit, does THAT make an impact. Suddenly, their only safe space is much more dangerous than the people they've been villainising. And that danger is way more real than the theoretical danger they've been screaming about for years.

They're not going to listen to "trans women are women" because they're TERFs. But they're much more likely to listen to "they don't think YOU'RE a woman either." From there, they can start to realise their peers are batshit insane. Suddenly, they realise they're surrounded by enemies, and the only safe, reasonable person is the one going "wow, isn't it horrible that they ruined the life of a woman who turned out to be cis all along?"

We give a shit if that ruined woman's life is trans, but they're not there yet, so telling them that won't work. Not yet.

If you want to deprogram someone, you have to meet them where they are. You can't be performative, you have to do what works. You can't walk up to someone in a cult and tell them they're wrong and have them abandon their lifelong held beliefs.

This is where allies come in. Minorities are constantly in danger, it's too exhausting to defend their own humanity and meet bigots where they are, and it's sadistic to expect them to meet their oppressors where they're at and hold their hands through the whole thing. It's sadistic to tell a trans person that they, themselves, are obligated to speak to TERFs in ways a TERF will listen to; that kind of shit will erode your humanity.

Allies don't have that problem.

Allies can afford to expend that energy because they're not spending it trying to survive a society that hates them. So they can spend time working out where TERFs are at and starting there. Allies might be saying things like this - and I won't deny that it can hurt like hell because it absolutely DOES sound like they're saying it would be fine if the targets WERE actually trans - but if you know someone is an ally, you need to trust us. We support you, we are here for you, we will keep being here for you. But right now, we're talking to the TERFs, and you need them to hear us. This is part of how we can make this world safer for you. You need converts. Let us handle that.

The JKR and Imane fiasco has been a shitshow, but it has absolutely started a small snowball running down the hill that's getting bigger and is making a significant impact on people who were harder to reach before. JKR has finally shut the fuck up, for however long that will last. People who've peeked in on TERF spaces have noticed that they're rattled that a cis woman got harassed. People who never gave a shit about trans people until now are suddenly going "holy shit these people are insane, maybe trans people aren't as bad as they say because clearly the judgement of these people can't be trusted."

Like yeah. What if they are trans? They deserve the same dignity all women deserve. But that's not going to get through to them. That's why people are saying instead, "hey, what if they're not?" You play on their fear of not hurting the "right" people and you turn it into empathy by forcing them to feel that same fear that they want to inflict.

And then you ask them, "isn't it a bit fucked up to inflict that on someone?"

And then you tell them a secret: they don't have to. Because that weird fear and obsession they have of being attacked in the bathroom isn't nearly as real as the fear of other TERFs. And if they aren't surrounded by nutjobs telling them trans women are going to murder them in the bathroom they'll finally realise trans people are people.

And from there they can get to, "yeah, those athletes are cis, but so what if they ARE trans?"

[wispythreads]

Final Thoughts Replaying Mass Effect 2

There are a lot of mechanical improvements and some graphical upgrades, some nice new stuff added with Shepard's personal room, the alternate outfits, the paragon and renegade interrupts, the terminal of messages you can get from the npcs you interacted with, everyone having a loyalty mission, the Drell are a neat new addition to the mix of Citadel space and I adore the Vorcha an inordinate amount, I wish there was more in game for them beyond just being a bunch of enemies to shoot at. I'm just constantly rotating the codex entry about the group that were raised by Asari. Protheans being reintroduced through the Collector's was pretty neat too! I think this game has more random npcs that I just really liked for no particularly reason, even if they were just static and hanging around one area.

There is some broken consistency at points in the story that is a bit frustrating for me but in a "ok, fine, I guess this is what we're working with now" kind of hand-wavey way for most of it.

Mass Effect 1 is pretty certain that the Reapers are fully mechanical and beyond human comprehension, Mass Effect 2 says "actually no they are inorganic AND organic, here's an explanation for why they've been destroying whole galactic communities every so often as a cyclical nature =)" Think it might've been better if we were never given a why. It being a kind of reproductive cycle really undercuts all the build up of not having the capability to understand their reasons in the first game.

Mass Effect 1 has the Council finally recognize, very blatantly, that Shepard has been telling the truth this entire time and not just a warped personal perception of what they believe to be the truth. Mass Effect 2 has them backtrack and say there is no evidence of Reapers, no way to verify that this is what Sovereign was beyond being Saren's ship. It feels like a plot point that makes sense as a repercussion for not saving the original council and having to deal with their successors, but having it applied to the original council as well is just. Augh. "We've dismissed those claims." Although Sparatus's air quotes are cute. Who taught him that?

Mass Effect 1 has Cerberus very clearly painted as a secret ops of the Alliance that has fully gone rogue and is doing absolutely heinous, evil shit. Mass Effect 2 (unsuccessfully) does everything it can to try to paint them in a more sympathetic light, especially with Miranda being it's personal cheerleader always coming up with a (very unsatisfying) explanation as to why they are not the bad guys. I will grant it points for at least allowing Shepard to have full autonomy and still, at every turn, disagree with the notion that they are with Cerberus or support Cerberus in any way.

Mass Effect 1 has AI as illegal. Full stop. It is a very, very big deal and a very, very dangerous crime. As already mentioned previously, this is really just kind of brushed over in Mass Effect 2? Joker is annoyed and doesn't trust EDI for most of the game but that's a pretty mild negative reaction compared to how everyone should be feeling about her, and the fact that so much of the crew are just kind of nonchalant about learning she exists is so jarring and perplexing for me.

Aside from that the game just feels. More like a game? Less like an immersive story. The level designs for fire fights are more obvious, the worlds are more tight and restrictive with paths that clearly are funneling you in a very specific direction and have no capability for you to come back later, as there's no reason to come back later. Mass Effect 1 really sold me on the idea that these were places that people lived and worked and survived as best as they could. I don't really get that with 2, now it's just a place to plow through enemies in order to get through my objective. I want more from this world than that, I think it deserves more than that.

[starrycassi]

Whenever Neil runs, wherever he goes, he always stops.

He stops, and comes back, sweaty, and looking sick to death.

It doesn't matter if him and Andrew have been married for two years, or if they've been dating for four weeks. He comes back to him.

He comes back, his voice is gone and so is the fucked up feeling that fogs his mind from time to time. Sometimes, it's like a raven trying to get his claws in his throat. Sometimes, it's like a very heavy axe trying to cut down his breathing.

Andrew hates it whenever Neil runs. It's a thing they're working on, but sometimes there's no other option than to let his idiot run for a moment, because staying there forever is a hard thing to do for Neil.

It's tiring, sometimes.

Sometimes Neil gets tired. Of his life, of this life, of Andrew, of himself.

Depression had said Betsy Dobson.

Fucking hell with that shit. Why can't he be in peace now? He went through all of that. He got through it, fuck it. He did it!

So why, why, why? Why does he have to live with that heavy feeling on his shoulders and chest? Why does he have to wake up some days and wish that he had died instead of Mary? Why does he have to feel so fucking guilty when the weight of his own problems are too much to even try and look at Andrew without wanting to shove him away?

It's horrible, really. He wishes it would stop.

So he runs. He runs and when he sets himself in motion, everything else is too slow to keep up with him. He runs and the reminders of the pain he went through fade for a split moment so the new waves of adrenaline can fill his entire body. He runs.

But whenever Neil runs, wherever he goes, he always stops. There's something worth stopping for now.

Maybe he's been out running for hours. It feels like days. Maybe it's already night, and the sky is horribly dark. Sometimes is so early that the sun is still hiding away, and Neil feels envy for a moment. Maybe the sky is painted with so many pretty colors that he feels like crying, because he's fucking alive and this is unbelievable.

But he stops.

And he goes home. Sometimes he has to call Andrew and beg him to pick him up. Sometimes he gets worried about the fact that maybe Andrew decided that this is finally enough. That this is the day Andrew leaves him alone, because sometimes their house turns into a bomb of time waiting for one of them to set it on.

But Andrew shows up. The new, shiny and expensive car stops next to Neil.

Sometimes Andrew looks mad. Sometimes he just looks tired. Sometimes he's in a good mood and mocks Neil in their way home.

But usually Neil doesn't really call. His phone has a tracker app in it, so Andrew can feel safe about where his idiot is while said idiot walks back to home.

And then he comes in, panting. Sometimes he brings ice cream and gets ready to face yet another figth. But in those cases, some softly spoken but hardly said words are enough. In the really bad days, they give each other time and space before putting together every little piece of the puzzle that their relationship is.

So when Neil gets into the house, when he's got enough of running, he will always murmur, slowly, carefully, painfully.

"I'm in my home"

For anyone, it may seem like he's alerting Andrew. Telling him that he's back. But Andrew already knows that, the tracker app was his idea.

No, this isn't for Andrew.

This is for Neil.

Neil, who needs to remind himself that there is a home. Who needs to be able to understand that this is his home. The one he shares with the man that has caused him the more heart pains in his whole life, but also the one that comes to the living room with a coffee. Even when they figth. Even when Neil feels like he doesn't deserve it.

Yet, his blond problem comes. Sometimes relieved and relaxed, sometimes so furious that Neil feels bad for the mug, sometimes looking like he needs more time to think.

But this is home. The horrible arguments that unleash from time to time, the bad days where they can't even stand the sigth of each other because they simply can't stand being alive. The days where Neil has to make sure Andrew is never alone because something about him seems off and Neil would rather die than leave Andrew hurt himself again, even if in some way he could be the cause of the pain. The badly cooked eggs they eat in silence after a night of bad memories because neither one of them is feeling okay enough to try and do a decent breakfast. The tears that they shed in silence next to one another, the ones that no one else is allowed to see. The screams of pain when the memories mix too much with reality and then Neil feels like the knifes are there again. The "get the fuck out of this room" kind of days, when Andrew is too caught up in his own mind to be able to reasonate with Neil. The weird conversations because neither one of them knows how the fuck they are supposed to handle this, but they try and try again, and then again. The fact that this house has three bedrooms in use, because even if sleeping together is okay in most of the days, sometimes they both need their own little corner to hide in.

This is everything he has.

The hugs and soft hands on each other when they feel like reminding the other of their love. The warm, cozy room that shields them from whatever the fuck the world tried to throw at them, because they both know that they're protected in there. The mountains of candy bags that Neil gets to his problem, laughing while he tells him what a good day this one was. The murmured percentages Andrew throws at him, and the fact that those percentages being able to get so long means that they're been together for a long, long time. The "It's over now" that they quietly whisper to each of or to themselves, because it really is over now. The kisses while they're in bed. The laughs Neil can't help but let out because in some days he's just so incredibly happy that this is his life; fuck, it's rough and gross, but it's his.

This is everything he needs.

So, when Neil, tired and defeated, but ready to get up and figth against the world says "I'm in my home", then Andrew will nod, and answer back "Yes. Yes, you finally are"

And that's everything someone like Neil could ever ask for.

[jeongjaebae]

Maybe we'll just keep fallin'

⇢ Juyeon x reader, 3.4k, exes to lovers ⇢ A reunion at an amusement park reminds you of what it feels like to fall.

You've never hated Eric more than at this moment.

He gives you a big smile right when he sees you walking towards where the group is gathered near the entrance of the amusement park, and then runs towards you with his arms stretched out to squeeze the breath out of you.

"Hey," you greet with an attempt at a smile, hoping he doesn't notice the way your mood suddenly falls. "Long time no see."

"Y/N, I've missed you so much!" Eric's hug is even tighter than the last time you've seen him—a clear indication that he's been working out in college because those arms are even stronger as they lift you in a spin that takes you by surprise.

This amusement park trip would've been a perfect excursion on this perfect sunny day; a reunion of friends after a few years and a number of kilometers apart. And you had indeed been looking forward to it up until this point, having excitedly packed your bag and planned your outfit the night before.

However, no one had told you that he would be here too.

You knew it wasn't Eric's fault for inviting the both of you though, for he probably doesn't know about what happened. And when you join the rest of the group, it becomes quite obvious that none of them knew about it. It's as if they were all frozen in time, in the same spot as they stood all those years ago, back when your memories of this very amusement park had been overflowing with feelings for him.

It's not Eric's fault because Juyeon's Instagram remains untouched. Still filled with old pictures of the two of you long after what happened.

"It's nice to see all of you again," you say as you reach the others, looking at each of them one at a time. You wanted nothing more than to avoid looking at Juyeon the entire day, but it's something you couldn't get out of if you wanted to keep pretending everything was fine.

Juyeon was the first one you'd spotted from afar, having immediately recognized his all too familiar figure. But up close, he seems to have changed quite a bit. Like Eric, he definitely bulked up and is no longer super skinny, and then there's the way his skin glows and how his hair falls into place perfectly even with the wind blowing against it. And who wears such nice clothes to an amusement park? He's so stupidly perfect and unaffected that it pisses you off. The only thing that gives you a bit of satisfaction is seeing how he immediately stiffens after seeing you.

Maybe it would be easy to remember that he's no longer the boy you once loved when he seems so different now.

"Alright, let's go!" Eric shouts.

You knew that it was going to be a very long day.

***

"What's wrong? You don't like rollercoasters anymore?" Jacob asks. He raises an eyebrow at the way you eyed the ride all too warily.

You'd joined the line with the rest of them but there's a sense of dread in your steps that hadn't been there before. And while it wouldn't be your first time on this ride, the huge drop no longer seemed as appealing as it once did. Maybe you've developed a bit of a fear.

"I just hate the feeling of falling now," you say, then shrug when Hyunjae shoots you a strange look. "People change, I guess."

When your eyes flicker over to Juyeon intentionally, he's already staring at you.

Sometime while in line, the others all pair up with their seatmates, leaving you and Juyeon at the back together. Maybe it would've reminded you of the time they intentionally left you together when trying to set you up, but things are different now. It annoys you now.

You sigh. "Let's just get this over with."

As you climb into your seat with Juyeon following right behind you, suddenly you get an idea.

"Here, let me get this for you." You shoot him a smile before grabbing the safety bar and pushing it down on him as far as it would go, locking him into the seat with a click. It's much tighter than it needs to be and probably digs into his stomach if his grimace is any indication. Perfect. "Enjoy the ride!"

Then you walk out the other way. Leaving him without a seatmate on the rollercoaster.

A look of utter disbelief spreads on his face and you simply laugh before heading to the exit, where you would wait for his ugly photos to come out. Not that he could ever be ugly, but one could still hope.

As the rollercoaster takes off and he's still glancing at you looking betrayed, there's no time for guilt. Because he was going to go on the ride anyways, you tell yourself. What difference did it make whether it was with or without you? And besides, strapping him in tighter could've been to ensure his safety; it's almost funny how the things we do for the people we love actually end up hurting them the most.

Several minutes later, Juyeon comes back with his hair dishevelled and a frown on his face. Bothered, but still silent. You count that as a win because unfortunately for you, his photos turn out looking just fine. In fact, they turn out all too similar to the set you once carried around in your phone case—the same ride and the same expression, only the seat beside him hadn't been empty in that one.

He doesn't say anything as you take out your phone to quickly snap a photo of the preview on the screen, calling him ugly the entire time anyways.

The loud noises and flashy lights in every direction try to grab your attention as heading to the next ride has you walking through all the carnival games in the park. Prizes are dangling at every stall, the smell of colourful snacks and the cheerful voices of children filling the air. For a while, you don't mind it when Juyeon falls into step beside you at the back of the group.

Until his hand accidentally brushes yours. And his touch sends you reeling.

"You okay?" his eyes flash with concern. He hangs back to wait for you while the rest of the group continues on without notice.

"Yup," you slap on the most dazzling fake smile you could muster. "Never been better."

It was a close call; for a second you thought your resentment towards him faltered like your feet did.

They've stopped at a beanbag toss game where Hyunjae points out how much Sunwoo looks like the raccoon plushie hanging in the section of prizes, and Changmin is taking bets that Sangyeon's bad luck would make him lose every game he plays. Juyeon bets against it. You bet for it.

The man running the game gestures dramatically, beckoning your group over. "See something you like? Step right up! Only three tickets to win the biggest prizes in the entire park."

Normally you would've walked away. Everyone knows that carnival games are rigged so there was no point in wasting your tickets, but once again, an idea occurs. Three tickets to get a chance to hit your ex? Hell yeah, you were definitely in.

The man gives you a wink as you go to hand in your three measly tickets, with Juyeon following closely behind. You had a feeling he would participate too, though you don't know why.

As you settle into your spot at the counter, you realize that the booth is quite empty. None of your friends are there anymore, somehow having disappeared so suddenly without a trace—leaving you alone with Juyeon once again.

"Why are they always putting us together," you mutter under your breath.

"Because they don't know about—"

"Yeah, no shit." You roll your eyes at him. Why was he answering a rhetorical question anyways? "Whatever. Let's get on with the game already."

When the game starts, Juyeon is oblivious beside you as he concentrates on the distance to the target. Competitive as usual, you assume, though this time it wouldn't be for the purpose of winning you a giant plushie like he did before. And the old you might've tried to get a good score to impress him, but the new you isn't like that anymore.

You almost feel bad when you take a step away from the booth and gaze at the back of his head. There's a sense of hesitation because does he really deserve this? Getting your revenge when he's not even looking is a little too harsh isn't it? But you quickly wipe those thoughts away. One beanbag to the head isn't going to make up for all the times he promised not to break your heart yet ended up doing it anyways.

Juyeon whips around and gives you a hard stare after your beanbag successfully strikes the back of his head and then lands at his feet. Bullseye!

"Oh, did I hit you?" Your voice drips with a sarcastic sweetness. "Oops, sorry."

The rest of your beanbags are tossed messily without really caring where they land now that you've accomplished your goal, and his shots seem too distracted after getting hit.

He remains impassive as the two of you find your way back to the rest of your friends who appear just as suddenly as they disappeared.

"That was a nice shot." Hyunjae gives you a high-five. The way Juyeon glances at him sharply almost makes you burst out laughing. "Too bad you didn't win a prize."

You don't tell him that it might be even better than winning a prize. "You saw that? But where did you guys go?"

"Oh um, Eric kind of had an emergency. In the bathroom." Hyunjae gives you a wry smile then takes off before you could ask more.

You stick with Sunwoo for the rest of the day, clinging onto him so closely that he has no opportunity to leave you with your ex again. He occasionally gives you questioning glances and you feel slightly embarrassed; it wasn't your intention to make things awkward, but surely your friends should've all sensed something strange by now? Surely they couldn't still see you and Juyeon as a couple?

The last jab you took at him was on the spinning teacup ride, a final ride at the end of the day just as the sun was setting. The rest of your group had split themselves equally into two teacups, leaving no room for the two of you though you could see through the way they intentionally sprawled themselves across the seats to fill up the space.

So once again, you were left with Juyeon. But this time, you don't complain because you had another plan up your sleeve.

As soon as the ride starts along with the horrible carnival music, you're grabbing the wheel at the center and turning it as fast as you could. It makes the teacup spin and spin, round and round until the rest of the world is a blur of lights and colours around you. Somehow it makes the teacup feel all too small. It's as if you and Juyeon were the only ones existing as everything else blends together.

"Y/N, stop," he shouts at some point, but you pay no attention as your hands continue to move the steering wheel mechanically. "You're going to get dizzy!"

And he's right. Because eventually the teacup slows to a full stop, but the world continues to spin and prevents you from getting to your feet and walking out.

"Are you okay?" Juyeon reaches for you then pulls back at the last moment. "Why did you spin it so much?"

Just seeing the way he looks perfectly fine standing there makes you feel the contents of your stomach churn. His perfect face and his perfect hair and his perfectly indifferent expression. Had your plan backfired? At this point, could anything you do even affect him the way his presence affected you so much?

You attempt at getting to your feet again and it just barely works this time. "Ugh, why aren't—you dizzy—"

"You spun it that hard just to get me dizzy?" Juyeon's voice gives no hints to what he's thinking.

"Shut up."

His touch stings when he ends up wrapping an arm around you, holding you up as you walk out of the ride together. Usually you would've thrown him off and pushed him away, but in your state of trying not to die, you give in and let him guide you to a pavilion with some picnic benches.

"Sit here."

It's quieter here when you're out of the crowd. A little easier to breathe. You focus on the way the air tastes, cooler now that the sun has gone down but still lingering with the sweetness of cotton candy from a nearby vendor. The world slows down and finally stills under your feet, and the waves of nausea quickly recede.

"Why are you doing all this?" Juyeon blurts, and you can finally see something underneath those unreadable eyes of his. The whole day he's put up with your antics without ever saying anything, but now you could see the blaze the lies just beneath the surface.

It feels like a taste of victory.

"Doing what?"

"You know what."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you say carefully.

He gives an exasperated sigh, pacing around in front of the bench you sat at. "Do you hate me that much?"

"I—"

Yes, you wanted to say. Because hating him has never left your mind for the past few years. Because you did want to resent him. To hurt him the way that he hurt you when he decided to cut off all ties with you so your long-distance relationship wouldn't hold you back during college. Maybe he'd thought it was the right thing to do but it was such a stupid reason and he was so stupid and—it all hurt. So yes, maybe you'd imagined getting your revenge someday when you met him again.

But doing all those things today didn't make you feel any better and seeing him like this is different from what you'd imagined.

Juyeon's steps finally stop, and he sits down on the bench beside you. "If you do, it's okay. I get it. I would hate me too."

A silence settles in between you and the crickets in the background are almost too loud. The last of the sun's fading glow surrender to a blanket of darkness that contrasts with the warm glow of the fairy lights in the small pavilion. Being here in any other context might be romantic. It reminds you all too much of what happened the first time.

"Why?" you ultimately ask despite already knowing the answer. "Why would you hate yourself?"

"For hurting you. For even thinking that we'd be better off apart because the past four years have only made me miserable with regret," he admits. "So yes, hurt me. Let out your pain." He pounds on his chest a couple of times and then stretches his arms out, waiting. "I can take it. Just don't hurt yourself."

"Juyeon..."

The amount of times you'd wished to hear those words over the years. He did call that one time, though your roommates had taken your phone and blocked him before you could get a chance to find out what he might've said. It was something that you'd wondered about during the times you'd drank a little too much, when you'd cried over nothing, when the feeling of falling had become falling into the depths of darkness instead of falling in love like it once was.

Maybe now, you're finally getting your answer.

Your fists are weak where they collide with his chest repeatedly, one after another, as if doing so would make his heart hurt as much as yours did. And he just takes it.

But then he's wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close until you give in. Until you completely melt against him. Until there's the warmth of his body against you and the tears that slip down your cheeks land on his shirt.

"Y/N, you have no idea how much I missed you," he whispers, breath coming out against your hair where he runs his hand through like he did before. "I'm sorry. For everything."

His scent enveloping you as he holds you, the dim glow of lights above you—it all reminds you of what happened all those years ago at this very place. It had been the same park and the same friends as today, but the exhilaration was from the way he grabbed your hand to pull your closer, not from being up high in that swing ride. The dizziness you'd felt was after he kissed you for the first time, and not from some spinning teacup ride. And when had the heart fluttering feeling of falling been from falling in love, and not simply from a rollercoaster ride?

But soon you do find yourself falling again.

It's not like the first time he kissed you here, when sparks fly and the world spins and your heart pounds so hard you thought it would burst. This time when his lips are on yours and he fits against you so perfectly, it's like coming home after being too far for too long. Everything feels so familiar yet new, like rereading your favourite book and rediscovering all of your favourite passages as you relearn each line and curve of his body. He may be different from what you remembered from all those years ago, but the way his gentle hands cup your cheeks, the brushing of his knees against yours, the way you can taste the salt of tears and faint sweetness of cotton candy on his lips. Everything is still so distinctly him, something that even the space and time between you couldn't ever change.

"Lee Juyeon," comes out in a whisper against his lips as you pull back to catch your breath, "you're so stupid."

"Only when it comes to you." He breaks into a smile, the first genuine smile that you've seen all day and it seems to light up the world. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. Even if it takes me the rest of my life."

"You're making this sound like a proposal."

Juyeon gives a choked laugh. "Um, not that I would be against it, but let's take this one step at a time first, yeah?"

And when you look at him, truly look at him, this time you can see the same boy you loved for all these years. You let those eyes draw you in and finally let yourself sink into the memories that you kept pushing away and burying. There's a tinge of pink on his cheeks and they're hot under your fingertips as you reach to pull him in again and—

"It's about time," a booming voice suddenly interrupts, making the two of you spring apart. Eric claps as he walks into the pavilion joined by the rest of the group, a mischievous smile on his face.

"It only took them all day," Sunwoo rolls his eyes. "I was dying over here when Y/N started following me around. Totally deserve an Oscar for my acting today."

"Hey, that's not true! I definitely noticed you giving me weird looks."

It's not surprising that your friends had known about the breakup after all, though you just hadn't expected them to have known even before this trip. The deja vu takes you back to the last time you were here, how your first kiss as a new couple was nearly interrupted by Eric's cheers and Sunwoo's expressions of disgust.

"Before you start freaking out—no, nobody told us," Eric says. "Nobody needed to because it was so obvious. We only pretended to not know in the hopes that you'd finally put each other out of your misery."

"And while it's good that you guys did, the highlight of this trip has got to be watching Y/N bully Juyeon all day," Hyunjae bellows and nods towards Juyeon. "I don't know what you did to deserve that, but you probably deserved it."

Soon there are sounds of laughter filling the pavilion and it makes your heart feel full in a way that you hadn't felt in a long time. As if there had been a weight you didn't even know you had on you, and now it's been lifted off your shoulders and you finally feel light enough to join in with their laughter.

As fireworks fill the night sky and Juyeon intertwines his fingers with yours on the walk back, it quickly becomes clear that the falling back together was as easy as it had been the first time.

[doctornota]

"YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I'VE GOT TO SUGGEST."

Leonard couldn't begin to count how many times they've done this. Back in the Academy, mostly - Leonard worked at the campus clinic whenever he wasn't in class, but Jim rarely ( if ever ) dragged himself there willingly. More often than not Leonard would simply find him late at night in the apartment looking like hell warmed over, bitch at him for ten or twenty minutes, and give him a once-over with a dermal regenerator. He may be lacking the same tools, here, but the routine is just the same and he makes short work of getting Jim's face back to looking halfway-decent. Thank the Lord he's not stupid enough to go around collecting scars in a place where Leonard can't just regen them away.

"They didn't, actually," he hums. "But they're not much use if I can't refill them." If he burns through his whole hypo supply too quickly he'll be left with a whole bunch of empty injectors and what good is that going to do him? If he had the sophisticated labs of the Enterprise, it would be a small matter to replicate more of whatever he needed - pain killers and tranquilizers and the like. But here? "Got at least six of your allergy shots, for the record, so in case you were worried you'd start to miss gettin' jabbed, I've got you covered."

At Kirk's remark he only shakes his head and slaps two pills into his palm. He's very transparent about the things he stabs Jim with, thank you very much, because all of them are fully deserved. But despite all his grousing, the following suggestion gets a genuine laugh out of him. "Y'know, I didn't think about that." Maybe it's a sound idea, finding somebody to replicate the tricorder's tech, but it's hardly at the top of his priority list. Though Jim is right that it's been a blessing so far, not having to worry about the Prime Directive. If he can introduce better medical practices, he's going to - it's rewarding, hearing that somebody still has faith in his abilities even in a place like this. "That mean you're gonna take up building starships while you're here? Get this whole place space-bound?"

It's probably the only thing that could make Jim feel better about losing the Enterprise: another Enterprise. It would never be the same, not without the crew, but it would be something, far-fetched of a notion as it is. It would kill him to see Jim waste away stuck on the ground. Leonard always worries about Jim, but at least all the messes he gets into out in space he can usually claw his way out of.

"I'd expect nothing less from you. Look, just remember that I'm no longer contractually obligated to bail you out of whatever shit you stir up," not like his employment in the Fleet was ever the reason for him bailing Jim out in the first place, but it's the principle of the thing. "But I'll give you my address if you promise to at least try not to piss off your new roommates."

❛ If you have a different word to suggest , be my guest. I can't think of anything more fitting. ❜ The Fleet definitely had their array of choice words for him. Of course , they've cut him some slack over the years , but not out of the kindness of their hearts , and not due to lack of trying. But playing by the rules isn't his thing , and that's certainly not going to change today.

Being alone with his thoughts is a dangerous thing. The self doubt , the fear - everything he pushes down deep inside of himself starts to rear it's head again the moment his mind starts to wander. It's worse now that he doesn't at least have the Enterprise to distract himself with. Even the boring stuff , like the diplomacy and paperwork , was enough to tear himself away from the dread that claws its way through his chest. But now ? He doesn't have his command or his crew or anything to keep him busy. God knows what he would've done if Bones wasn't here. At least he has him to keep him company. ❛ Well , if you're offering , I'm not going to say no. ❜ He offers a weak smile before tilting his head back with an equally weak laugh. ❛ They took away your hypos , huh ? That's good news on one front : I don't have to worry about you injecting me with something weird while I'm not looking. ❜

Though he jokes , he knows just how much this must bother him. Bones has the biggest heart out of anyone Jim has ever met - he just chooses to hide it behind his gruff exterior. And one of his deepest fears is causing harm , even if it is to heal. Old medical tools are a part of that. He's gone on too many drunken tirades about stitching and sutures for him to not understand just how hard this must be. ❛ You're the best doctor this place will have ever seen , Bones. Now that we don't have the Prime Directive to worry about , this place'll probably be using tricorders before you know it. ❜ He tries to keep still as his face is cleaned , but he can't help how he habitually leans away.

He does have a point. With Spock in charge the ship will probably run a lot smoother , too. It's a hard thing to think about , the Enterprise without him on it. He knows it'll be just fine without the presence of a certain Kirk. That's what he fears the most. ❛ I never doubted that. ❜ He reaches out as the tricorder is handed to him , turning it around in his hands. At least he got to keep that. He can't imagine Bones' reaction to being separated from it , and frankly , he doesn't want to.

❛ It's good for target practice , at least. Tried it out on a few trash cans. ❜ No use in letting his aim get rusty. Not that it was really that good in the first place. His mouth opens and then shuts again. Amusement shines in his eyes as he finally answers. ❛ Yeah. About that. . . Let's just say I made one hell of an entrance. ❜

[nooramoontarot]

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓪 𝓹𝓲𝓵𝓮 : 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝔀?🌙

🍄 helloooo my lovelies!🤍 This reading will be about any messages that you need to know right now. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. This is my first pick a pile reading so any feedback or suggestions for future pick a pile readings are welcome! 🍄

DISCLAIMER

my readings are for entertainment purposes only. Therefore, they DO NOT replace any professional legal/financial advise and medical advice/diagnosis. Therefore, you are responsible for any decision as a result. Also use your discernment and judgment when receiving the reading and use that to take what resonates. Remember, you have free will and can change and chose what happens therefore nothing is set in stone in these readings if you don't want it to. I will do my very best to give an honest reading therefore, I do please ask you to keep an open mind when receiving the reading. Thank you

decks used:

- neo tarot deck- Jerico Mandybur

- rebel oracle deck

-moonology oracle deck - Yasmin Boland

- the sacred self- care oracle deck- Jill Pyle

- the answer is simple oracle deck- Sonia Choquette

Take a few deep breaths in and pick a pileeee trust your intuition🌙

Pile 1 🌙

- 4 of pentacles, 6 of pentacles, page of wands, strength reversed bottom deck

- give more, eat your fucking vegetables/ eat some shit made by Mother Nature, balance spirituality and practicality/full moon in pisces, deep breathing, clear the space,

pile 1 it's time to start more energy into yourself. I see here that you may have been working hard towards something like a project, but you need to balance out your energy. I feel like you need a well deserved break lovely as I see that working hard has maybe made feel a bit heavier or you may feel that if you continue to work work work and not put energy into yourself aswell, you may become burnt out. I see here that the reason you work so hard may be because you are trying your hardest to build stability and have that structure. You may feel that if you slow down right now, you may be unstable. But don't worry love, you will get that stability that you crave even if you take time out for yourself. The key thing here is balance. Maybe make a schedule and make sure to plan in some time for yourself where you can just relax and ground yourself. I just got the intuitive message of carnelian. So maybe getting this stone or working on your sacral chakra can help ground yourself a bit more. Tapping into your creative energy can help also. The main theme here is to balance spirituality and practicality.

additional messages: eating vegetables, deep breathing, clean your space, drink tea, eat vegetables

signs: dominantly earth- Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn and a bit of fire- Aires, Leo, Sagittarius, also maybe a bit of Cancer and Gemini, Mars energy

Pile 2 🌜

- queen of cups, king of wands, 2 of wands reversed, 8 of pentacles bottom deck

- oracle cards: reach out, it's not everybody's fault-it's yours/ you are a grown ass adult stop blaming others for your shit, nothing is yet set in stone/mutable moon, abundance planning.

whewww pile 2 your energy is overwhelming. As I shuffling the cards, my throat immediately started feeling tight like when you're trying to hold in tears. So straight away there is a strong message of the need of communication. What I'm getting here is that you may be wanting to reconcile with someone. There's a strong energy here of needing to right some wrongs and honestly this energy can come from either your person or you. I'm getting a sense here that someone has messed up in the past and has really hurt someone by their actions. But I see that the person who messed up is really trying hard to fix their mistakes. They want to take action in gaining forgiveness from the other person as they've finally learnt how to deal with their emotions. I see that this person has really working on inner alignment here. But the thing is I see the other person who got hurt being quite cautious and not rushing into forgiving the person who messed up. This may come across as there would be no hope in reaching closure and forgiveness. The person who is owed forgiveness has every right to accept or reject the peace offering and they may need time to think it through. I see that the main way that this can be sorted out is through communication and listening and ACKNOWLEDGING each others feelings. If you are the person who is wronged, know that your emotions and feelings are valid. Go with what your intuition tells you and whatever decision you make is valid, but I do see that the person who wronged you has changed and has true intentions in bringing closure. So if you want to give them a chance. For those of you who are the ones who messed up, I see that you have really grown from the situation but you MUST give the other person time and space to process their emotions. All in all, the overall message is that communication will definitely help to bring closure to this situation love.

additional messages: active listening, time, healing

signs: strong fire energy- Aires, Leo, Sagittarius and some water energy CANCER, Pisces, Scorpio. A bit of mutable energy too.

Pile 3 🌕

- the emperor, 5 of cups reversed, 6 of wands, the sun bottom deck

- oracle cards: Spread the light, be fucking grateful/shit could be so much worse, it's time to release negativity/ full moon in scorpio, connect with fire

oh pile 3 I just want to say I am so so so PROUD OF YOU!!!! I see that you have been working really hard on letting go of things that are no longer serving you. I see that you've been really releasing negative aspects of your life and I see you really becoming the best version of yourself! look at you! I get the sense that you HEAVILY protected by your spiritual team and I get a sense of pride coming from them. They're really proud of you and the work that you've been doing. Just carry on working through your fears and releasing negativity/negative thoughts and being more in the energy of light. I see that through this work you have found a new sense of security within yourself. You're becoming so stable that when adversities come your way, you're very much in that energy of "bring it on". You know within yourself that you have the strength to pull through which is so amazing my love like wow. I get such a strong sense of victory in your inner journey and just lots of light and joy. Remember to keep being grateful and thankful. There's really not much else to say here just keep being the amazing being that you are!

additional messages: bonfire with friends, laughter, being more social, HYDRATE, eating vegetables.

Signs: LEO,CAPRICORN, water signs- Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio, Aries, Sagittarius, Virgo/ Mercury energy.

Pile 4 🌝

- 8 of wands reversed, 7 of swords, 7 of cups reversed, 8 of swords bottom deck

- oracle cards: let go and flow, some good shit is about to happen/don't let your issues fuck it up, bring love into the situation, write a gratitude list.

pile 4 I see here that you may have been waiting for a few manifestations/things to come in for a VERY long time and all of a sudden, all these options/manifestations have come through and you are struggling to manage them. If you are not already in this energy you may be in the energy in the future, but I get that most of you are already in this energy. I see that what has brought all these manifestations in for you, is that you have worked on your self-limitng beliefs and negative thoughts. You have opened up to new perspectives and have acted strategically in working towards your goals. Now that you have all these options, the best way to manage them is by continuing to act strategically but with your intuition. Use your intuition to select through these options and it will guide you and help mamange you. I'm also getting the message from your spiritual team saying " we're here too!" so call on them if you need more help. Enjoy your abundance and be grateful for what has come in for you and what will come in for you in the future. You are worthy of everything that has/will come in for you so don't feel guilty about having them! Be in the present moment of gratitude and you'll be a magnet to gaining more abundance. go you!

additional messages: celebration, champagne, master manifestor, "cheers!"

signs: air energy- Gemini, Libra, Aquarius,Scorpio or some water element,Aires, Saturn/Venus energy/placements.

thank you so much for tuning into this reading! I really hope that it has resonated and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day! 🤍🤍🤍

Love and light,

N 🌙

[thoushallnotfall]

God Bless the Children of the Beast - Part 14

Previous // Masterlist

Pairing: The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Notes: *shows up 3 months late with a bottle of Jake* So...what's up?

So so so so SO sorry I just dropped of the planet there for months my guys; I swear I've had the first part of this started since like, the beginning of November, and it's just been sitting in my drafts collecting dust.

I went and reread the whole fic in prep for writing this and it was actually really fun? Like, I forgot everything the MC has gone through. (god what a rollercoaster) She and the boys have really been through it huh? They've grown so much; my babies. 🥺 I have felt so bad that this has just been sitting here unfinished; I never wanted to abandon it, and I am determined to finish this even if it kills me! I love this story so much, I have to see it through to the end.

This chapter has a lot of conversations without having dialogue which normally bugs me but it's already such a long chapter and I'm tired. Also, it's purely cheese and fluffy good feelings because I feel like we deserve that don't we? (And I mean y'all have been waiting forever; you deserve something nice.)

Warnings: None

1993

After Heather had kicked him out, Tommy moved into your guest room. He promised it wouldn’t be for long–a few weeks, maybe a month–and then he'd be out. You told him from the beginning he could stay as long as he wanted, but you knew he was ashamed of his current situation. He wanted to get a new house as soon as possible so he could pretend everything was fine. It wasn’t, of course; but the thought of you or anyone else pitying him absolutely killed Tommy, and you knew it.

Tommy was completely broken up about his divorce, and as much as he may be embarrassed about having to crash at someone else’s house, you could tell he also craved the company. If you were both home together–and you usually were–you began to notice Tommy gravitating to whatever part of the house you were in. Even if he was doing his own thing, he just wanted to be around you. You knew he didn’t want to be alone–alone with this thoughts, his feelings; thinking about why he was alone and replaying it all in his head. That’s why you were so insistent that he could stay; you didn’t want him to have to go through this alone.

At first he was adamant about finding a place as soon as possible, but after the first couple weeks he went out looking at houses less. Then, after another few weeks he just stopped looking altogether. You didn’t bring it up–knowing any mention of it would force him to start his search up again, even if that’s not really what he wanted–and the two of you silently acknowledged he would be staying for awhile, which is what you’d wanted from the start.

You knew Tommy enjoyed living with you, and even though it had been over a decade since the two of you had shared a space, you fell back into it with ease. Your house was much bigger than the shabby little apartment you once cohabitated in with the others, but with Tommy always trying to be in your orbit it felt just as close. 

You made a point to try and hang out with him even more than usual; which was easy with him living with you. You would have Nikki and Mick over and the four of you would hang out–the sobriety of the Dr. Feelgood tour was back as the boys worked on their next album, but it was always a good time when you all got together, even without the booze. Then, there were the nights the two of you spend alone. Usually, you’d end up watching a movie or playing Nintendo together, simply enjoying each other's company like you always did. 

Sometimes you would just hang out and talk; you’d talk about the past and how young and stupid you all had been. Then you’d say you couldn’t believe it’d been 12 years since the two of you had met.

You’d been thinking about that a lot since Tommy moved in–it had been 12 years since you’d met him and the others; 12 years since Motley Crue was formed. You’d think about all the shit you’d done, all the things you regretted, all the moments you’d die to relive. You'd wonder where your life would be now if you and Nikki hadn’t met Tommy that night in the diner.

You didn’t want to know where you'd be right now without him.

Tommy always had such a sweet look on his face when he talked about the past with you. It wasn’t like in rehab; when you had to drudge up the shit from your past that you hated and lay it all out in a row for everyone to see. It was softer than that; a gentle nostalgia about your lives together. Yeah, you did some stupid shit, but you did it together.

And so the days turned to weeks, and those past until Tommy had been living with you for nearly four months. You thought he might go through with leaving after the first month; then he got the divorce papers from Heather, and all the work you’d started to help put him back together was undone in an instant. Your heart ached seeing him so miserable, and you knew no matter how long it took you would help him get through this.

And he did improve, with time, and the longer he was with you the more you began to realize you didn’t want him to leave. You knew one day he would have to move out, but whether for his sake or for yours, you hoped that day wouldn’t come any time soon.  

—

December 25th, 1993

You look up at the green suburban home in front of you, with it's festive decorations placed meticulously around the expertly kept lawn, and you felt a sense of panic well up inside you. You knew this would be good for Tommy–and it had sounded like fun at first–but now that you were here you just felt wrong. Like you didn't belong–something that was clearly out of place in a world that was otherwise perfectly organized.

It was an old feeling, one you hadn't experienced in a long, long time; and you wondered why you were suddenly feeling it again now. You had been living in mansions and staying in ritzy hotels for years: suburbia should be nothing to you now. Yet here you were, palms sweating and stomach in knots, feeling like an outcast again for the first time in years.

You thought back to when you were younger; imagining the different world Tommy came from and how you used to think it somehow separated him from you. But now that you were here in person looking up at Tommy's childhood home, you knew it wasn't true–not anymore at least.

You and Tommy may have started out worlds apart, but you grew closer with each day you spent together–every stupid decision, every victory, every mistake, and every heartache along the way–the two of you moved closer and closer with every step you took until you ended up side by side.

He wasn't the sweet, naïve boy you first meet that night 12 years ago, just like you weren't that lonely, jaded girl. You'd both grown and changed–for better and for worse–and you'd done it together. You weren't from two separate worlds now; you'd made your own world, with Nikki, and Mick, and Vince. The five of you carved out a place for yourselves where you could all live together; where you made the rules and no one could judge you.

Maybe that's why you felt so wrong now; you were stepping back into Tommy's old world. This was his life before you–before Motley Crue–and it made you feel like you did when you were a teenager. Before Motley Crue you could never walk into a suburban neighborhood like this without people giving you looks or asking you what your business there was; they might even go so far as to call the cops on you.

But here you were; not a teenager looking to start trouble in suburbia, but an adult, invited for Christmas at your best friend's house–well, his parent's house anyway. Normally, you'd spend Christmas with Nikki and his family, but when Tommy had asked you to come home with him how could you say no? He needed you now, and admittedly when he'd asked you part of you had just really wanted to say yes.

After all, you liked Tommy's parents–the few times you'd met them they'd been so kind to you, always treating you with consideration and warmth, even if you felt like you didn't always deserve it. Then there was the fact that you didn't just invite anyone home with you for the holidays. You knew you were reaching–seeing what you wanted to see–but you were slowly finding it harder and harder to suppress your feelings for Tommy after these months living so close together, and even the little things were starting to look like signs to you.

So when he asked you to come with him all you could think about was how it looked. How this was something couples did: going home to meet the parents over the holidays. It was ridiculous and selfish; you were his best friend, you already knew his parents, it wasn't anything more than Tommy reaching out to you because this was his first Christmas without Heather in nearly seven years and he didn't want to go through it alone.

But still, you couldn't help but wish it was more.

—

You walk up to the house, a pile of presents balanced in your arms. Maybe you had gone a little overboard, but you couldn't help yourself; of course you wanted to get gifts for his parents, how could you not? Tommy looks over at you and laughs.

"Dude, you think you bought enough?" He asks, smirking at you.

"Shut up; you have no room to talk." You say, nodding at his own arms full of presents.

"Yeah, but they're my parents. You didn't have to get them anything." He replies.

"I know, but I wanted to." You say, adjusting the gifts in your arms as you feel your stomach doing somersaults the closer you got to the house.

What if they didn't like the presents? What if they didn't approve of Tommy living with you? What if they wanted him to come home?

You're worries were instantly washed away as soon as you got in the house. Tommy's dad had opened the door for you, and it wasn't even a minute before his mother was on you both; all smiles as she greeted you and told you how happy she was to have you. You could feel your cheeks warm as she doted on you, ushering you in and attempting to take the presents from you. You insist you can carry them, following Tommy into the living room to put them under the tree which was already surrounded by a sea of presents.

"Come on guys, I told you you didn't have to get us anything." Tommy said as he sat down his presents.

"Of course we did; how could we not get you presents on Christmas?" How mom replied, smiling at you both.

"You know your mother Tom; she loves giving presents. Better just to smile and accept them." His dad said, putting his arm around his wife. As you set your own stack of presents down, you saw at least a few presents with your name on them and smiled to yourself. You felt bad that Tommy's parents got you anything, but you couldn't help feeling secretly happy about it too.

"You really didn't have to get me anything." You say quietly.

"We wanted to; we were so happy when Tommy told us you were coming." His mother replied, smiling brightly at you. "Now, why don't we have some lunch? I'm sure you're both hungry from your trip."

She practically pushed the two of you into the dinning room. You sat next to Tommy as his mother dished out a nice, light lunch for all of you. You ate and chatted and any lingering fear about what his parents thought of your current situation was completely dispelled.

"We were so relieved when Tommy told us he was going to be staying with you." His mother says as she looks over at you from across the table. "We knew he'd be alright with you looking after him."

"Aw come on mom, do you have to say things like that?" Tommy groans, clearly embarrassed.

"You're mother's right Tom; with how well she's looked out for you and the band all these years, we couldn't help but feel relieved knowing you were in such good hands." His dad replies.

"Still, you don't have to say it like that." Tommy says, still pouting.

"I hope you've thanked y/n for all she's done for you–you're helping her out aren't you?" His mother asks, raising an eyebrow at her son.

"Ugh, yes mom." Tommy answers, and you can't help but laugh under your breath. You loved watching Tommy interact with his parents; despites being a grown man and an actual rockstar, they still treat him like he's a teenager. Of course, it was all done out of love; but it was still funny.

—

After you spent a little more time talking, the four of you move into the living room to open presents. You hadn't really been quite sure what to get them–you'd never bought anyone's parents presents before, and it's not like you knew them that well–so you tried to play it safe and just buy them practical things, or things Tommy told you they'd like. You got his father some nice tools, some cologne, and a nice watch. You got his mother some books, some nice perfume, and a gold bracelet. They both thanked you profusely, saying of course that you shouldn't have and that the gifts were far too expensive, but you insisted that it was fine. In return they got you a Greek cookbook and a few nice photo albums–both things you had mentioned to Tommy about wanting.

You and Tommy had agreed not to get each other anything this year; neither of you actually needed anything, and if you wanted something either of you could just buy it. Normally you would still have exchanged something, but with Tommy still living with you he was adamant that you not buy him anything; you were already giving him enough by letting him stay with you. You had wanted to protest, but you didn't want to push him either, so you just let it go.

—

You spend more time hanging out with Tommy and his parents, talking and joking and to your joy and amusement looking through photo albums, until it was already time for dinner. You all moved back into the dining room and his mother brought out the large dinner she had been working on. You offered to help, but she wouldn't have it; insisting guests should relax, not helping with the meal.

You did find yourself alone with her after the meal was through. Tommy and his father had gone into the living room, and you stayed behind to help her clean up. She hadn't wanted you to help, but you insisted, and she finally relented. While you were helping her wash dishes, she looked over at you and smiled.

"We are very grateful for how you've looked after Tommy." She says as she hands you a plate to dry.

"Oh, it's no problem; it's actually kind of nice having someone else in the house." You reply sheepishly, playing it off as you dry the plate and put it away.

"Not just these last few months–you've always been such a good friend to Tommy, always looking out for him and helping him. Who knows where he would be now without you." She insists. You feel your face flush as you keep your eyes on your task.

"It's really not that big of a deal–and Tommy's looked out for me too. He's been there for me more than anyone–even more than Nikki at times. I owe him a lot." You reply, glancing over at her. She's smiling warmly at you.

"You care about Tommy very much, don't you?" She made it sound like a statement rather than a question.

"Of course, he's my best friend." You answer. She gives you a knowing look, and you look away again.

"Don't worry; one day he will see what's most important to him." She says, her words were vague but the meaning was obvious to you. You didn't try to deny it; you just kept on drying dishes in silence, Tommy's mother still smiling to herself.

—

You stayed for a little longer until it began to get dark and the two of you decided you'd better leave. His parents gave you both hugs as you left–his mother even giving you a quick kiss on the cheek–before the two of you were back on the road, heading for home.

In the car you listened to the radio and talked about the day. Tommy was grateful you'd come, though he wouldn't say the real reason why. You knew he was ashamed of his divorce even now, and going to his parents without Heather was still hard for him. You didn't mind, and assured him you'd had a good time.

When you get back to LA it's late, but Tommy insists on going to grab some food. You're tired, but agree; somehow hungry even after the large dinner you'd had hours before. Tommy drives pretty far out of the way, and you wonder where he's taking you, until you're on the strip; parked in front of a familiar diner.

"Really Tommy?" You ask with a laugh. "Donny's? You couldn't have stopped at one of the twenty other diners on the way here?"

"Oh come on y/n, you know no one makes pancakes like they do at Donny's." He joked as you two head for the door. You walk in and see the place mostly empty; just a few drunks at the bar, and a young couple over in the corner.

"They're not that great; don't forget I used to work here–I've seen the innerworkings. It's nothing special." You reply, smiling as you take your seat in the once-familiar both, the waitress coming to take your orders soon after.

How many times had you and Nikki come here after shows before you met the others? How many times had the five of you come crawling in drunk after one of Montly Crue's early gigs? How many times had one of them come in to bug you for free food while you were working? You hadn't realized how nostalgic this place was; it had been years since you'd last been here, but it still held so many memories for you and the boys.

You met Tommy in this booth.

"Man, it's crazy how long it's been since we met here, you know?" Tommy was apparently thinking the same thing you were.

"Yeah, hard to believe it's been 12 years." You reply. "We've had a wild ride, huh?"

"Hell yeah we have–you know sometimes I can't believe we actually made it this far." He answers with a smile. "I mean shit; between the five of us I don't know how at least one of us isn't dead or in prison."

"Not for lacking of trying, that's for sure." You joke, and Tommy laughs light-heartedly, before looking back at you quietly. The look in his eyes was one of admiration and affection, and it took you a little off guard.

"You know we never would have made it without you." He says, not a single ounce of sarcasm in his voice. You were taken aback by the sudden sincerity he was showing.

"Oh come on, don't start getting all weird and sentimental on me." You joke, trying to change the tone. You couldn't handle Tommy being like this with you–it was too much of a reminder of what you really wanted your relationship to be, and you didn't want any reason to start feeling false hope. "If all of us hadn't been there together it wouldn't have worked." Tommy shook his head.

"That's not what I mean. You've always been there for us–for me–like no one else has. I don't know how many times you saved me from doing something crazy or stupid, or how many times you forgave me for fucking things up or after I was a total asshole. Even now you're helping me, even when I don't know if I deserve it." He looked down, and you felt your heart ache for him. You reach out and grab his hand that was resting on the table, and he looks over at you.

"Oh Tommy, of course you do. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you don't deserve help." You squeeze his hand in yours gently. "I'm your best friend Tommy, even if I don't agree with what you did of course I'm still going to help you–no matter what." Tommy was quiet for a while, and before you had the chance to think of something to break the silence, the waitress brought your food over. You quickly thanked her before looking back at Tommy.

"You know the whole time I was with Heather, I felt like something was missing?" He suddenly says, his voice quiet. You feel your heart nearly stop. "She was my dream girl, the one I'd been waiting for; but it always felt like there was supposed to be something else. Something more. I don't know how to explain it–it just felt off. I thought getting married would be the missing piece, but it wasn't." He sighed, looking down at his food. You stayed still, eyes wide as you looked at him silently. In all these months he hadn't brought up his relationship with Heather once, and you didn't want to interrupt his one chance to let it all out.

"I loved Heather, but I cheated on her anyway because I thought maybe that would fill that missing part of me, but it didn't. I was just an asshole who cheated on his wife. I can't even say I'm surprised I got caught; I'm more surprised it didn't happen sooner. When she left me I was a wreck–I thought I'd fucked up the one good thing I had going for me." He looked up at you. "But now, I think I'm finally realizing maybe it was for the best; like maybe I felt like something was missing because Heather just wasn't the one, you know?" You stare back at him, unsure of what to say. He was saying everything you'd always wanted to hear, but you didn't want to make this about your feelings. And really, what could you even say after that?

"Sorry dude, I brought the whole mood down, huh?" He says at last, breaking the silence with a small laugh. "Just forget it; we should eat before our food gets cold."

The two of you eat in silence, unsure of what to say after that. You wanted to be supportive, to tell him that he was right and that he would find love again, but you were still reeling from the sudden revelation you just couldn't bring yourself to say it. You wanted to be a good friend like you always had been, by being supportive; but how could you support him finding a new love when it was so against your own feelings?

You wanted him to be happy, but now more than ever that selfish voice inside you screamed that you wanted him to be happy with you.

—

You mostly ate in silence until Tommy changed the subject and you were both back to reminiscing again. You were calmed down and mostly feeling yourself again by the time the food was finished, when Tommy looked over at you.

"Oh right! I almost forgot there's something I want to give you." He says, moving to grab his discarded jacked off the seat of the booth.

"What? I thought you said no Christmas gifts." You say, a little dismayed. "I didn't get you anything because you seemed so serious about it." He laughs as he pats the jacket pockets down, looking for something.

"I know I know, but I only said that because you've already done so much for me. If you feel bad about it being a Christmas present, maybe you can think of it as a 'thanks for taking my sorry ass in' present instead." He says as he pulls out a small black box. Your heart skips a beat as he hands it to you.

It's not a ring, obviously it's not a ring–stop being ridiculous.

You pull back the hinged lid and see a beautiful diamond necklace sitting on the black velvet lining.

"Oh Tommy, you really didn't have to–"

"I know, but I wanted to." He replies, smiling at you. "Here, let me help you." He grabs the box from your hand as he stands, moving over to sit next to you in the booth. You feel your heart racing as you turn your back to him, pulling your hair to the side as he slides the necklace around your neck. You have to stop yourself from shivering as his fingers brush against the back of your neck, quickly hooking the clasp together. You turn back around to face him, looking down at the necklace before looking up at him. He's still sitting so close you have to crane your neck to see his face.

"It's beautiful Tommy, thank you." You say, smiling up at him. You expect him to move back to his seat, or at least scoot back a little, but he just stays where he is, staring down at you. You stare back, afraid to move as you feel your face flush with heat; your heart pounding so loudly in your chest you're sure he must be able to hear it.

Before you know what's happening, Tommy moves one hand up, cupping your cheek as he leans down and kisses you.

[lokisprettygirl]

hi i know i havent done this in a while but thought this was long over due so if you still dont mind these, here are my thoughts about tb...

the last few chapters have been nothing short of incredible, i havent interacted much, fault of my own dismay but really the chapters have been an absolute marvel. the twists and the unanswered questions to many many question linger in the air. (pardon me but for some reason i turn very formal for no utter reason)

one question is what happened with the whole bruce and mummy dearest dilema.

i remember there being a loose end concerning steve and co.

but to now talk of the latest chapter if again you dont mind this annoying

i whole heartedly agree the she was being completely irrational but the fact that she knew she did something wrong shows something. and lokis thoughts are completely valid, with everything he's been through, what they've been through, the trauma of what happened last time still haunts him. he doesnt deserve that and im sorry for that darling.

and that sameera woman ughhhhh. for god bloody fucking sakes, she never deserved a space in his mind to occupy let alone his heart. the gull of that whiny idiotic girl boils my blood as she had the shit to say the shit she did after crying to her father that he took her, which caused him to get beaten to an inch of his life. FUCK OFFF you bitchy little girl (i was very tempted to call her a spoiled rich bitch then remembered y/n)

god darling, i really am just sorry. you dont deserve any of this. please wipe the tears that has had no right to cause you any distraught. your feelings are valid but it doesnt mean you deserve to feel the pain you feel. if you cant hold your tears anymore though darling, know that im here to hold you whilst you curse out the world and i will protect you no matter what (wow that got way too personal? not sure if thats the right word)

him being cold to her is albeit a bit rude, is totally understandable. the walls theyve broken down together were coming back up in the moments he thought and did lose her. only for a second though but he did lose her in those few hours and that was just enough time build back those walls up slowly. he still hasnt forgiven her fully hasnt he? but he still loves her enough to ensure that nothing will happen to her and that i believe is real true love. a bit cliché but it is. hes still very guarded now especially with what happened but god the mysteriousness of him is... i just find it rather hot is all

and also that he trusts her enough to know that she isnt like that woman, though he was desperately holding on to that thought, despite the facts, he really loves her does he. to hold on to the belief and hope that she wont leave him despite everything, god i just love him.

why does the mean side of me think that the one he called was bruce and hes taking revenge on her for leaving him in those few moments. its petty and unlikely but my mind is a labyrinth.

i deeply apologize for psycho analyzing your work but its all truly brilliant and if i may be honest hmbomt is still in my mind. im going through withdrawals and the urge to reread it again is very strong and drew to distracting myself to reading lisik.

anyway hope you have a lovely day darling and hope im not a bother

from your lovely 😊❤️ 💜💙💚💛😊

I never mind these dear, you have no idea how happy I feel to get a feedback (the current chapter literally have 0 comments..zero, I was writing the next chapter yesterday and stopped because it got no interaction for hours and it bummed me out) that's not what motivates me to keep going. This does so never be afraid to send me your thoughts, receiving a feedback on something I wrote will never not make me happy,

I like your formal tone 😂

Ohh bruce and her mum will make an appearance soon 👀

Thank you for trying to see the both sides, if I had Loki's traumas and issues and I read that message from her with her being gone, I'd think the worst too. He was just starting to learn to accept the fact that she loves him and not what he can do for her so this definitely wasn't something he needed.

She needs to learn alot about the life and she needs to learn to love herself and she's trying her best, but she got overwhelmed and instead of confining to him she chose to act out because that's what she had done all her life. That's how her life has been like :(

And yes I think he got swept up by her pain and didn't really get to know the person behind those walls, like bad people can get hurt too, they get depressed and they get Suicidal too but at the end it's all about what they can get, it's all about them.

She didn't care about loki, she cared what he was giving her and then once she realised how tough life was outside her mini palace she couldn't survive it.

He's not taking revenge I can assure you that, he's not vengeful type of guy, he did get a phonecall and had to leave but he can't tell her the truth 👀

Thank you for such high praises for HMBOMT, that fic would be the one fic id save if all my fics were dying and I could only save one 😂

Lisik was my first born so writing style isn't the best there but I put all of my ideas in there, so I hope you will enjoy it because I loved writing that baby.

You're never a bother, thank you my lovely 😍💚

[thermodynamic-comedian]

things we desperately need in the mcu:

proper clint barton portrayal.

don't get me wrong. i loved the hawkeye series. but i still didn't like it as much as the matt fraction comic book series. i still don't think we have our blue-eyed, working class, blond, hard of hearing, sunglass wearing archer that we know and love from the comics. first of all, the mcu still has not properly adressed clint's backstory. which is about as good as completely erasing it. where is barney?? erasing him from clint's story already means that it isn't the same clint barton as in the comics. replacing bobbi morse with laura (no offense to laura, i still love her) erases the entire mockingbird/hawkeye storyline that's pretty fucking important to who clint is as a person.

the west coast avengers.

(yes i made it the bi flag colors on purpose)

i fucking adore the west coast avengers. if they were presented into the mcu (somehow), that would mean we'd get both hawkeyes in one team, gwenpool (i cannot verbally express how much i want gwenpool in the mcu), mockingbird (i'd honestly be fine with laura being mockingbird; as long as they'd do it the right way), kid omega (dunno much about him; has cool hair and is a kid), and all those other amazing characters and storylines that the west coast avengers went through.

the thunderbolts.

ok. this is something we could possibly, realistically have; the thunderbolts consist of helmut zemo (who went by the alias "citizen V" during these times; which is just an objectively cool alias to have), techno (the fixer), mach-1 (beetle; who'd also be awesome to have in the mcu in general), songbird (screaming mimi), atlas (goliath), meteorite (moonstone), jolt, charcoal (another awesome name), and sometimes hawkeye.

the thunderbolts are awesome, the definition of morally ambiguous. also, they started out as the reformed masters of evil, which is also awesome. their storylines are complicated and fun and just usual marvel nonsense which i love. they've had so many leaders, members, betrayals, reforms, and plots that it's amazing and hard to keep up with. i just think they'd make for an amazing, morally grey anti-hero kinda team to have in the mcu.

or maybe i just really like helmut zemo. which is also true.

more taskmaster.

you introduced taskmaster? epic. now give us more-

honestly, the taskmaster's entire theme and idea in the comics is so cool and awesome that i don't think it'd be fair to the character to try and confine it all into the background of one movie. give us those stories of taskmaster going on mission and then waking up and having no idea what happened because of their memory issues. give us a more in-depth look into their abilities, their amazingly powerful muscle memory (as opposed to their terrible mental memory), i just love taskmaster stories. because they just capture that perfect balance of "oh my god, this is awesome!" and "oh shit, this is really tragic"

the young avengers.

this is another one that we might be getting in the future; kate bishop, tommy and billy, kid loki, elijah bradley, cassie lang, and (a variant of) nathaniel richards have all already been introduced into the mcu, and with multiverse of madness and the she-hulk series coming out, we might also be getting america chavez and teddy.

do i need to explain why we need these kids in the mcu? c'mon. queer kids fighting space crime. hulkling and wiccan literally getting married. kid loki's entire existance. noh-varr and his earth music. america??? chavez??? is literally amazing???

^those are just some of the reasons why we need young avengers in the mcu.

the asgardians of the galaxy.

and i don't mean just the guardians plus thor. i mean angela, sera, valkyrie, kid loki, throg (the frog of thunder), skurge, thunderstrike, them.

i don't want cishet men plus a tree in space. i want chaotic trans lesbians and gays plus a morally ambiguous genderfluid kid in space. i think we deserve it. i think we've been good.

on a more serious note, sera and angela mean the absolute world to me. the fact that you can have a transgender woman, who's identity is accepted and respected by everyone. the fact that you can have a lesbian couple, who's love is shown to be just as valid and just as real as anyone else's.

and the fact that you can have a genderfluid teenager who is also an asshole like hell yeah babe genderqueer people can be evil too fr i feel seen- /j

so anyways uhh the mcu needs some work. that much is clear. this is just a list of things i really like about the comics that i'd like to see in the mcu as well, and not a serious discussion about the actual problems in the current mcu. also, all of this is from my subjective experiance and opinions, so keep that in mind. that's all for now, folks-

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Car Window by Thomas Headon

Summary: After the memorable defeat of Aoba Johsai to Karasuno, Iwaizumi meets his lover at an uncanny moment.

Pairings: Hajime Iwaizumi x fem! reader

Word count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: PART 2 IS COMING FOR THE KATSUKI ONE MY MIND IS JUST HELLA CONFUSED AND IWA HAS BEEN INVADING MY THOUGHTS

It's quite hilarious how life can reward your dullest moments with an unexpected blessing. A few people have experienced such a thing, sometimes the blessing comes in success or a present from somebody you longed for.

Usually, 60 seconds were easy to endure and its a time you'd like to pass by too quickly knowing what magic or milestone was bound to happen in such a short time anyway? Though there are times where it feels like it holds much more seconds especially when you're working out or either in a really long meeting you hated.

Then again, who are you to underestimate the endless possibilities that were to happen in that time span? Maybe you'd receive a random lottery ticket and you know, you can win or even have the chance to meet a celebrity.

But what could have possibly prepared Iwaizumi for the best 60 seconds of his life?

Here he was, sulking in the sorrow that was brought to his team by the defeat of the match between them and Karasuno, the ticket to nationals slipped away from their fingers. Who was to deny the tears they've shed once they entered the bus, it was their safe space to lean on each other and they spent the rest of the ride comforting each other. All throughout the bus you could hear sniffles and Oikawa trying to hold his team together.

Iwaizumi was seated next to the open window as he listens to Oikawa being the encouraging captain he is, the setter grasps the heart of the team feeling comfort in a while, even Iwa admitted that his friend brought him back to the light.

He had his earphones in, enough of the silly comments his seatmate, Oikawa, has made. He has his arm leaned on the little edge of the window, with his chin resting on his forearm. His eyes desperately wanted to close from his previous crying but he fears once he closes his eyes he'd be brought back to the moment where the ball wasn't saved, to the doubt that floods his mind wondering if he even deserves to be their ace. Gladly with the help of Tooru, this thought was dismissed and now all that Iwaizumi was doing was staring at the sight in front of him.

He takes this time to reflect on what he could do to enhance what he lacked during that match. He wonders if his reaction time was too slow or the power in each spike was unbalanced. Did he even trust himself completely when he played? If he didn't, why did he think it was the right time to question his abilities when there was something at stake?

He sighs to himself as he removes his earphones, knowing not even music was helping him ease his mind. Oikawa has fallen asleep beside him, the setters head leaning on Iwaizumis back. Even if he wanted to push away the boys head, he knew Oikawa was tired of putting on his composed captain facade, so he let the poor boy rest.

Then he hears blaring music from the car opposite to him making his head come upward a bit as he glares at the car, disturbing his triumph at peace. A red light comes on and he rolls his eyes thinking of how he was going to sustain the noise.

But then, that's where he wished 60 seconds lasted forever.

Right before him was the noisy car with one window open revealing a sight that makes his heart flutter and his mind frantically running in circles. He sees a girl with her eyes closed singing her lungs out while she finishes the note with a smile and a giggle, once she opens them, the afternoon light beaming down on her delightful orbs enhancing it's hues, even giving her skin a glass like finish with how healthy it looked, her cheeks painted a shade of pink that were like the flowers that reminded him of Valentine's.

And then these stunning pair of eyes, landed on his love struck ones.

He feels the way his heart registers how lucky he was to gaze at such beauty, like a sunset with all the delightful colors or the overall atmosphere of spring, the feeling of it being so foreign to him but nevertheless, he accepts this new found giddy feeling. He watches how she leans her cheek on her hand and maybe then he should've felt the way cupid's bows ran through him so easily.

Unfortunately, the panic sets in.

With such grace was ahead of him, he worried about his own sake. He wonders if his hair looked presentable, and didn't portray how stressed he was because of the game. He wished he didn't look shiny from all the sweat and tears. He suddenly feels the urge to rummage through his bag and comb his hair and fix his appearance, Oikawa would've teased him for acting so foolish for the girl. But what else can he do?

Admiration and relationships wasn't included in his dictionary since the only thing he looked forwards to was volleyball and his studies. Being in a situation where he wasn't able to act quickly with how flustered he was, brought him down completely. He knew in his games that whatever he did would affect the team in multiple ways but he counted on his teammates so that every action would be returned with a positive outcome.

Now is the opposite.

This could have so many outcomes. Maybe one second there'd be a guy beside her wrapping his arm around her and flipping him off for looking, then theres rejection lingering in the air. Maybe she wasn't into guys? Maybe she has a specific standard and that he wasn't hitting her expectations? Possibly just gotten of a relationship and wasn't interested in dating right away?

Oh god, you've got to stop. He thinks to himself.

A tiny encounter made his mind collapse with so many ideas. He couldn't even mutter a word to her, then his mind leads him to think it'd quickly lead to dating, god maybe even a relationship. He's had zero idea on what her name is so how can he come to conclusions so quickly? He knows he needed to stop asking these unanswerable questions before he could mess up his first attempt to converse with her.

Then with a gentle smile from this gorgeous stranger, he feels the warmth that surrounds him as he returns the smile to her as if it was an instinct. After that he settles for a tiny breakdown, confused to why he did that.

He turns his head to the light noticing how 15 seconds were only left out of this encounter. Hastily, he wanted to ask for her name or at least build up the courage to shout what he wanted to say, though he was left utterly speechless. He couldn't possibly gain that high of an esteem to just speak out to a stranger without blurting out how attractive he found her to be.

But he needed to try or else this moment was bound to be something he'd regret.

"Iwa-chan!"

Oikawas voice surprised him as the setter stretches with a smile on his lips, from the movement he lets his arm rest on the aces shoulder making Iwaizumi panic and irritated at the loss of time.

Meanwhile the young girl continues to stare at the man who has held his gaze the entire time they were there. You see the way his features were all amazingly sculpted, every crevice, every inch, to say that he was handsome was an understatement. Judging from his attire, you could tell he was an athlete, also with how the bags from behind him was shown. You also saw his reaction to meeting you and you wished he didn't see yours.

You felt embarassed when he saw you sing, you weren't ready to face a boy like that and to think that you gave off such a random first impression. You hated the way the sun was shining on you making you think it showed the harsh texture of your skin, not to mention how blinded your eyes were after it. You were flustered to say the least but your eyes couldn't dare to leave his.

Something about him was so pleasing. It makes you come up with dozens of scenarios to who this boy was. Is a girlfriend involved? Is he the type of boy you'd read on a novel? You smile to yourself at how silly the idea was. Usually in novels, movies or books, each meeting was distinct than the other. There are always the unique encounters, then there are the completely weird ones but for you this was somewhat the sweetest thing you've stumbled upon.

Although maybe falling in love under a red light wasn't always the ideal, to the two of you it seemed to fit.

You see brown locks behind him and this makes the pretty boy show a shocked reaction. Shit, is that his boyfriend? You thought. Your eyes lock with this new figure and he happily waves at you catching you off guard. You wave awkwardly, anxious of who this man was.

"Gosh you are incredibly pretty but alas this man likes you, his name is Iwa-"

The vehicle speeds off before he could even finish his sentence. Iwaizumi turns to the setter as Oikawa trembles in fear as he feels flames surround him, the anger irradiating from the spiker. Oikawa lets out a scream as Iwa leaves a smack to the boys head as Tooru whines caressing his throbbing head from the pain. Iwaizumi sinks in his seat, letting the emotions course through him making his lips form a line.

Too many things happened all at once. Oikawa basically hitting on her but suddenly half introducing him? How did he even know? She's gone, he thinks. He lets out a displeased sigh shaking his head while biting his lip, disliking how embarassment and regret was mixing perfectly. He hated how Oikawa had the chance to even talk to her before their chances were dust. Oikawa even managed to let out a compliment he wanted to say but the words were taken from him.

"I'm sorry okay! Don't hit me again please!" Oikawa begs as Iwaizumi lets out a scoff as the setter takes in his expressions. Slumped in his chair with arms crossed at his chest, eyebrows furrowed, and a familiar twist to his lips when he was frustrated in a game. Oikawa chuckles slightly connecting the pieces from the previous events.

"So what? You've lost the love of your life, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa teases making Iwaizumi raise a hand as Oikawa dodges it using his bag as a shield. He thought it was just a coincidence before. He woke up when Iwaizumi was plotting his approach and he happened to catch a glimpse of the two staring at each other like nothing else mattered. He questions if Iwaizumi was actually serious of his feelings for a stranger but when he sees the genuine smile that he gives her, he was surprised.

With an unforgiven action, he just chose to try to introduce him knowing Iwa would've never done it as fast as he could. Although in Iwaizumis eyes, Oikawa flirted with her but in reality he just wanted to help knowing maybe someday, this encounter would bring him happiness. Even if the girl would be miles away, he knew that the impact of them meeting was something that would cloud Iwaizumis thoughts on a daily.

Oikawa notices how Iwaizumi would inspect every face in the street or crowd just to find the girl his eyes have fallen in love with. There were many unsuccessful times where he's mistaken her for someone else and he despises it. Oikawa thinks about how he can help his poor teammate and a bulb appears above his head as he continuously taps the spikers shoulder.

"Have you ever considered a dating app, Iwa-chan?" Iwaizumi blushes at the question but he shakes his head as Tooru takes Iwa's phone and ran to a corner unlocking it. Iwaizumi rushes to find him as Oikawa lets out a gasp and a cackle. The spiker finds him and immediately grabs him by the collar of his shirt yet the setter couldn't careless.

"WHAT IS IT YOU DINGBAT."

"Seems like you're the one who's a step ahead of me, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa exclaims making Iwaizumi furrow his eyebrows but once his eyes settle on the dating app that was open from his phone, heat rushes to his cheeks shading it pink. He puts down Oikawa with a shove before pulling his phone away from the boy.

"So what.." He whispers as Oikawa lets out another laugh, wiping his eyes. Iwaizumi hids the phone in his pocket, locking it. He continues to walk leaving a sigh as Oikawa runs to catch up with him.

"Well don't be shy now. Any success?" Oikawa asks, trying to ease down his playful tone. Iwaizumi turns his head to him, before huffing in defeat.

"Nothing. No one can ever come close to her."

"Maybe she's trying to find you too?" Iwaizumi lets out a scoff. He wished it was true. He didn't think he was the type to be memorable, the guy you'd find yourself dreaming of. He thought he was a mere average boy and that there was always going to be someone better. He desperately wants to meet you but are you really putting effort like he is?

Was it just him who felt a connection?

They weren't put in a universe where it was easy to find your soulmate. The moment where everything fits perfectly wasn't always guaranteed in their situation. Why did they have to meet at a red light? They could've met at a cafe after his practice so he didn't need to worry about the time or how he was going to approach her. He swore if ever he met her properly again, there'd be no hesitation.

For you, you've also searched for this boy. Only hearing a fraction of his name so you couldn't really play detective with a tiny lead. Although the boy that complimented looked familiar, but maybe you were just mistaken? You've downloaded multiple dating apps like him but whenever there was a match, they never looked like the pretty boy you saw. You would recognize him from anywhere knowing his features were very much embedded in your memory. If only their bus hadn't sped off too quickly, maybe then you would've gotten his name. Although his name might just be a crumb in your way to find him.

-

"He can't be any better than me, that I'm sure of." Your little brother exclaims as he flips the magazine page. You sighed resting your cheek and chin on the palm of your hand as you watch your brother curse the man on the magazine. You tilt your head, curious to the envy he had. Your brother was well into volleyball and he usually asks for you to buy him the latest volleyball magazine so he could look up to whoever was on it but his overconfident comments had you laughing every time.

Once your eyes landed on the page, you sat up immediately grabbing the magazine and holding it close to yourself.

Oikawa Tooru. You read.

You take in the way he looks and then you specifically remembered a certain face. Your eyes widen in realization that this was the man who complimented you. The man that could lead you to him. Your eyes scan all the trivia about the well known player and finally finding the team and school he was on. Aoba Johsai.

You immediately grab your phone, typing furiously searching for the said school. You click on their website seeing the latest news about the school. There was a certain article that had an eye catching picture.

It was a group photo of their volleyball team and your eyes landed on Oikawa himself, founding out that he was the captain of this successful team also being a setter. As your eyes scanned through every member, your heart nearly dropped when you saw him. There he was stood next to two other members, smirking at the camera. Like a fool, you let out a squeal, exhilarated that you've found him. You scrolled further finally knowing the names of each member.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

You smile to yourself as you read his name, finding it pretty the way it suited him. You read that he was a spiker and so called ace in the team. With this found information, your heart was jumping in different directions. Your mind was bringing up multiple scenarios of seeing him in his element and that makes heart bubbles appear behind you.

How perfect. You think.

You knew the location of the school and you wonder if it was right to visit. You tried to push back the idea of rejection but maybe it was a sign for you to stop assuming and acting all stalkery. You let go of your phone, pacing around the room deciding on the better option. Visit him and get your hopes up when he doesn't even miss you or visit him and end up having the chance you both missed. Too many what ifs and what abouts rushed through your mind, but trying isn't a bad thing to do.

-

"I'm so fucking dumb, I can't believe myself."

You groan to yourself as you walk around. You gained the courage to finally visit Aoba Johsai, where your little volleyball prince was attended at. Unfortunately, your lack of understanding directions brought you to this poor situation making you look like a lost puppy, desperate to call for help but the thought of people judging you just because you were lost haunts you.

You grew more and more impatient as time passes, counting on your phone as a GPS but honestly nothing was working when your brain couldn't comprehend how you got lost when you followed the directions. You sigh in annoyance.

You took the time today to look as good as you can make yourself, ready to face him. Yet when everything was all set for you, it went downhill just because of some directions. You shut your phone off, frustrated the way the voice kept repeating where to turn. So you run your fingers through your soft hair as you decided to move on your own.

"So where do you wanna eat?" Oikawa asks as he stretches while walking. Iwaizumi lets out a yawn as he gives the boy a shrug as a response. Oikawa checks on his phone scrolling to look at some places they've yet to eat at. Iwaizumi inspects his bags if he's packed everything. He notices his water bottle was missing and he mutters that he would be right back, going back to the gym to retrieve his bottle. Oikawa hears nothing though as he giggles at the compliments his fans have left him.

You bend down tying your shoes as a stranger passes by. You stood right up dusting off the dirt in your knees. As the universe gasps, realizing that the person who went pass you was Iwaizumi himself. Yet they didn't bother to make ends meet as you two walk in different directions.

Oikawa raised his cellphone trying to get a decent angle as he checks himself through it. The lighting was perfect for him and once he was about to snap the photo he notices a person behind him. His eyes widen as his looks at you as you fiddle with your bag. Oikawa sets down the phone as he turns to you with his mouth open. His head turns frantically, trying to search for Iwaizumi. It's her. Oikawa thinks. He takes a good look at you once more just so he can confirm his thoughts if you were truly the girl Iwaizumi was talking about. He found himself familiar at your features as you took a turn, escaping his presence not even knowing Oikawa was stood a few inches away from you.

Oikawa couldn't hold himself together as he lets out a laugh. After it, he turns to the sky with an amused smile before speaking.

"Ah, you're too funny. I'll let them find themselves."

Out of all the chances they gave you, the two of you were at the same place but was running around each other.

You let out a whine as you see a figure walking with his back facing you, seeing the jacket that the team had on one of the pictures you browsed. You let out a sigh before wiping away the sweat you had on your face, freshening up your appearance. Giving up and finally allowing people to help you, you approach this tall figure, tapping them gently on the shoulder.

"Hello! I-I'm sorry, I just wanted to ask where the Aoba Johsai gym is? I got pretty lost." You says with a light chuckle as the person turns around, revealing the man you've endlessly searched for.

Both of your eyes enlarged at the sight of each other, such at a close proximity as you both scan each others faces, making sure if this was finally the reality they longed for.

It's you.

"H-hajime Iwaizumi?"

Iwaizumi eyebrows furrow, curious to how you found out but this leaves a smile on his lips loving the way it escaped through your mouth. His eyes gave out a soft glance before nodding and extending his hand out.

Your eyes dragged down as you stare at his hand that was deeply waiting for yours. You look up at him once more before smiling with tinted cheeks.

"That's me, and you are?"

"I'm Y/N."

"Nice to finally meet you, pretty red light girl." You blush even more as Iwaizumi lets out a chuckle before you shook his hand, both hearts meeting, as fate was sealed once your hands met. Some might say that Cupid stared at the two of you, relieved you both found your way to each other.

Oikawa turns to look at the two of them as he leans on the wall, shaking his head with a sly smirk.

"Fate huh?"

[borom1r]

Strahm asks!! I am thinking abt him too fhxjsjsbsb. Um!! I Know I have asked abt this b4, but I'm not sure I asked this in particular: in the circumstances where Adam is able to make a connection with Eric AND Strahm, do you think Strahm and Eric wld Also be dating? I think they'd at least get along, and I've been thinking a lot lately abt how they're both so fiercely protective of the ppl they love, and how they express that in very similar ways tbh!! They've been on my mind a lot!!

oovjdjfj Yea.. yea hard agree that they are very similar in their fierceness. ik it’s smthn I’ve touched on vaguely on my old Adam blog but that’s part of why I’m. so attached to them.

Eric is the big strong dog who isolates you from other people, who puts himself between you and the world, gnashing fangs and all. Strahm is.. mirrored from that; not so much Big Dog but just as much a sanctuary. I could hide in the space behind his ribs.

I think as far as them actually dating.. mmn. I could definitely see it. i could see Eric joining their vigilante hunt. he is irreparably broken + you know what. he deserves revenge. but I don’t think it’s something he does for himself. he does it because if something happened to Strahm or Adam and he wasn’t there, he couldn’t bear it. he HAS to be in the thick of it with them, because he is not his own priority. love is.

and I’ve touched on it before but that’s definitely not smthn Strahm is used to, having someone actively desire to protect him. and I think that’s something Strahm wouldn’t be ready to acknowledge for a while but it would very much weigh on his mind. Eric doesn’t infantilize him, it’s not that Strahm can’t protect himself + Eric has acknowledged that fact, but he cherishes Strahm.

it starts as a mutual desire to protect Adam, im sure. they’re both very guarded and very hurt, though Strahm can bury it in a way Eric absolutely cannot. and I don’t think Strahm quite knows how to be gentle in the way Eric needs (the way Adam is). he can be downright cruel when he snaps and he knows it, has almost chased Adam away, but not Eric. both because Eric doesn’t have that same inherent fear/urge of “they’ll come to their senses and leave no matter what so I might as well run them off” — Eric knows he’s a fucked up mess and if they’re here that’s their prerogative. they’re adults. but also because he can see through Strahm’s act. it’s the same act he used to put up, the same bitter anger that came when he felt like every goddamn thing was out of his control.

I think Strahm struggles a lot with the fact that he just can’t push Eric away at first. He CANT. and it’s almost frustrating, until one night Strahm says something nasty and just can’t bring himself to take it back even though god, he wants to, and Eric tells Adam “go get some air” before looking at Strahm. the kind of look that could strip a man’s flesh from his bones. “I know what you’re doing. Cut the shit.” Just, tired, fed up with Strahm because he’s BEEN that person, and worse. He walked that path to the bloody, bitter end and if it hadn’t been for Art and/or Rigg he would’ve fucking died. because of Jigsaw, sure, but also because of himself.

metaphorically speaking, Strahm is the kind of person who picks at scabs simply because he hates how long it takes to heal, and because maybe part of him would rather have a scar. where he and Eric differ is that there’s intent when he lashes out, conscious or not, because he’s picking at those scabs. and he can’t quite bring himself to look at Eric, while Eric gets himself a beer out of the fridge and asks a question that cuts right to the core. “Do you really want to drive him away, or are you just scared of what he means to you?”

it’s a painful question to try to answer, because yeah Adam’s tenacious enough to work past Strahm’s petty guarded bullshit but Eric sees him in a way Adam doesn’t. and Strahm hates that he still can’t find his voice because Eric is still looking at him in that unsettling detective way (another thing they share), before finally turning away and saying something that lives in the back of Strahm’s brain for a while after that: “It’ll be safe soon.”

Every time he wants to snap and drive either of them away, It’ll be safe soon. It’ll be safe, and you won’t feel the godawful need to isolate yourself in order to protect others. you won’t have to go to bed terrified tomorrow will be the day one of us dies. you won’t have to spend hours patching wounds in the bathroom without much more than spit and a prayer. Soon, Jigsaw will be an afterthought. Soon, you won’t religiously check your phone each hour for your partners’ “I’m safe” texts. Soon.

but that night, when Strahm finally manages to form words, as Eric takes a sip of his beer: “I don’t want to be the only one left.” (something Hoffman had said to him. a blessing for a monster, something he thought he’d always be fine with but he’s not, not anymore.) Eric sets his beer on the counter but doesn’t let go, arm sideways, on the edge of Strahm’s space— not so direct an invitation to be frightening. Lets out a breath, glances sideways: “You won’t be.” so quiet, so sure, like their futures aren’t all total fucking mysteries. because maybe Eric isn’t an optimist but after so long in hell he has to believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if Strahm can’t see it. even if, sometimes, he can’t either. and Strahm can’t find a good response, doesn’t trust himself to try to speak, but his fingers lace together with Eric’s as they close around that cool bottle of beer, and maybe he’s okay with being understood. maybe he’s tired of picking scabs.

[manikrege]

I reached out to the kid I bullied in school. It hurt like a bitch.

Moving places makes you realize how badly humans need closure. How hard we strive for the chapters of our lives to open & end neatly, one by one. And how much we hate cliffhangers, incomplete pages, or vague endings off the screen.

I tried to seek my closure yesterday. Because I'm moving away from the neighborhood I grew up in. Don't worry, it's nothing I'm going to miss. School sucked for me, as it did for most 'studious' kids.

Fat, nerdy, weird, and a bit on the 'girlish' side, it was like this boy entered the class wearing a cap that said, "Your new favorite target." Of course, the cool kids ganged up & left me broken. I felt all alone like a wet puppy abandoned in the rain.

So like a dog, I learned survival, the ugly way. I bit back, chewed on smaller prey. And before I knew it, became the very thing I hated the most. A bully.

Roy, let's call him that, had the same awkwardness that had made me a target. His only disadvantage was that he didn't want to fight back. This allowed me to slowly strangle him, one taunt at a time.

It started out as lame jokes that you'd expect from any teenager. Calling him "gay," laughing at his curves, making him feel unwanted. This graduated into mild jabs & punches. And then finally, one day, the five of us spent 2 straight hours 'roasting' him, stepping on every last piece of his self-confidence that we could find on the floor.

Turns out, he'd had enough & his father was at my door with an audio recording of what we thought was sublime standup comedy. I felt ashamed but cried victim, pushing the blame back onto him. Tit for tat.

We stopped playing with him after that day. He had become a traitor. I don't know if he found that liberating. And if he did, I can't imagine how fucked up that would be ... feeling happy to finally have no one you can make memories with.

I went abroad and forgot about Roy. Until yesterday when we were packing up and I saw him pass by. Something snapped. Like an ice cube being run down my neck.

As someone who has been through so many changes in the last few years, I felt an urgent need to prove to myself that I'm no longer the person I was years in 2014. I wanted to leave this shithole behind for good.

So I messaged him on Facebook.

Dear Roy,

I won't ask if you remember me because I know you do. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for how I treated you.

There's no explanation. No my side of the story. No excuse. And they weren't just harmless jokes.

I bullied you badly and caused you a lot of pain. Practically ruined your childhood. And I don't know if you're doing better. I hope you are.

You didn't deserve any of the shit I gave you. I did it because I felt powerless myself and needed something to fill that hollow space in my days.

We moved out yesterday & I wanted you to know that I'm aware of my mistakes and although I can't change the past, I am working to heal, both myself and others. I'm part of some NGOs that help poor kids in Majiwada. I do regular activities to put a smile on their faces.

Again, I know this isn't enough or even related but I hope someday you can forgive me. Even if you can't, I understand. And I really wish that you find love, happiness, and peace wherever you go - yes you do deserve those things. I was wrong.

Please let me know if I can do anything for you.

Thanks.

He responded with that "blue thumbs up" icon. That's all. I didn't push it, either. We didn't have a heart-to-heart conversation to go over everything. I'll probably never see him again or know how he turned out to be. It just is.

So did I get my closure? As I unpack in my new room, I'm not sure if it matters anymore. Because I think human relationships are much messier than we let on. You cannot just file them into chapters.

Sometimes they'll end abruptly.

Sometimes they'll reappear again and again, unexpectedly.

And sometimes you'll find new meanings every time you go back to old pages.

More importantly, you cannot just erase the damage you do to people. You cannot say sorry hoping everything will be forgotten and forgiven. The harsh truth about scars is that they never really heal.

But someday someone will look at those scars you caused on people, and madly fall in love with them. Someone will find that pain beautiful. Someone will turn it into a source of strength and love. And you can take the first step towards making that happen - by just saying one word.

GET TO THE POINT- If you think you hurt someone, you're right 9/10 times because we're hardwired for empathy & kindness so the moment we give in to hate, our mind sends us a small hunch. So just say you're sorry. Not "sorry if I hurt you." Not "sorry but it wasn't my intention." Just. Fucking. Sorry. Own what you did. It means everything.

DON'T FORGET IT- Yes, it's best if you repent asap but even if it's 10 years later, admitting to your fuckups is the right thing to do.

DON'T EXPECT AN OK- Your sorry is about you choosing to become better. For the person in front of you, it represents lots of trauma, heavy baggage, and painful memories that they've probably suppressed or internalized. So they may not forgive you or even respond. Please respect their privacy & feelings this time. And move on.

Trust me, this was one of the hardest things I've done as an adult. That said, I think we all did stupid things when we were kids. I think we were all MADE TO DO stupid things by a select few who understood intuitively how war works. I think most of us were a form of entertainment. Puppets. Dogs in a fighting ring. Dogs trying to fit in, or be liked, or just be left alone.

Just realizing how insanely toxic this entire game was ... is probably the most obvious sign that you're growing up. I know I am. I'm actively working to be truer to the kid I was before they took him away from me. And I know it's not going to be some beautiful transformative journey away from my past like they show in the movies.

It'll be ugly, too painful to bear sometimes. Because I'll meet parts of me that I hate. Parts you'd hate if you knew them. Parts that I'd rather not be remembered for. But you know what?

Sometimes, the first step in conquering your demons is accepting that they exist.

That they make you but don't define you. That you have a choice to be kinder, sweeter, warmer. And the only thing that matters is whether you have the courage to make that choice even when the whole world is giving you a billion reasons not to.

Be that one reason everyone needs to heal.

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Liam

Edie: [Okay, so a school trip moment for Edie for Politics and Society where they've gone down to the local courts to probably watch the most boring cases of people paying parking fines etc lol so have fun with that babe] Liam: got the hots for any criminals? Edie: the dude refusing to pay his child support is just my type Liam: pity I don't have any 👶 I've binned off for you Liam: all I've got going for me is how willing I am to catch a charge Edie: We're gonna snatch one, already decided Edie: daddy issues withstanding, no one here is as interesting as you Liam: when I find one with 👀 like yours Edie: 🥺🥺🥺 Edie: I'll make one for you Liam: would you? Edie: I'd do anything for you Liam: I'm just testing you, baby Edie: Test away Edie: my brain is dribbling out my ears over here Liam: don't lose it, we need it Edie: I need you Edie: what are we doing later to bring back my will to live? Liam: anything you want Edie: I might have something Liam: am I guessing or are you telling? Edie: I don't wanna get your hopes up Edie: but I heard rumours, some kid in my year reckons he's found an empty Edie: and that his brother and his mates are gonna squat in it Edie: but it's in a really fuck off big house in a decent part of town, so idk if it's bullshit or what Edie: but it'd be fun to trash if it isn't Liam: we could kick them out, stay for a while before we do Edie: yeah? Edie: play 🏡 with me Liam: somewhere nice to take the 👶 to Edie: Wonder how many rooms there are Edie: can have a playroom and everything Edie: lucky bastard Liam: do you think there's a garden? Edie: even if it's really in town, they'll still have a perfectly landscaped backyard, patio, room for a swing Liam: sandpit for our buried treasure Edie: and the dogs 🦴s Liam: great idea to blame the dog 💀🦴 Edie: I think so Edie: failing that, the previous owners Edie: clearly left in a hurry because the body count got out of control Liam: won't look suss that all the little pussies from your class who are looking at you now when they shouldn't be are in there Edie: I can think of a thousand reasons they deserve to die Edie: yours is the best though Liam: it's the most important one Edie: I don't want anyone else to look at me Liam: put your jacket on Edie: [stealth selfie 'cos p sure you are not meant to have a phone in court lol] Liam: you'll feel better now Edie: 🤏 Edie: what lesson are you in? Liam: maths Liam: about to stick a pencil through my own eye Edie: save one for me Edie: I love your eyes too Liam: right or left? Edie: left Edie: it's the side the tattoo is on Liam: 👌 Liam: [a selfie that he's edited to get rid of an eye] Edie: my cyclops Edie: still hot Liam: eye patch isn't as useful as a fake leg but I knew you'd be into it Edie: you can stash some in the socket Edie: or a 💎 Edie: can't bury all the treasure Liam: 💍 Edie: 🥰 Liam: when can you get out? Edie: when do you want me? Liam: I wanna find the house & make it nice for you first Edie: [screenshot of this kid in her year going off about it/inviting her with the address etc] Liam: I'll go now Edie: I'll pretend the cases have upset me and ask to be excused when I get the chance Edie: then I can go into town and steal all the stuff we'll need for the house Liam: don't forget the 👶 Edie: I'll look in all the prams for the bluest eyes Liam: has to be a girl though Edie: they're always decked out in all the pink Edie: even if I've left some of my brain on the seats Liam: get some clothes too then Edie: your babies would be so beautiful Edie: not like pink screaming blobs Liam: if she looks like you I don't mind her screaming, can do whatever she wants Edie: I'm in love with you Liam: I know you are Liam: & you know how I feel about you Edie: yeah Edie: you take care of me Liam: I'm trying to Edie: you are Liam: I want this to work Edie: then it will Edie: I'll do whatever you need me to Edie: be what you need Liam: you're perfect Liam: he knows that's why he invited you there Edie: but I'm going to be with you instead Liam: who is he? Edie: dunno, he's barely in any of my classes Edie: Craig something, his brother is called Sean, you've probably seen him at shit, even though he's been out of school time Liam: yeah, previous raves & shit Edie: right Edie: just think he knows I go to that shit too Liam: I just need to broadcast a bit louder that I'm with you now, everywhere Edie: How do you wanna do that? Liam: can't let you out of my sight if it means you're in theirs Edie: I'm not mad about that Edie: I want to be with you all day every day Edie: but I'll stab my eyes out before I look at anyone else Edie: you know that Liam: it's not you I don't trust Edie: if anyone touches me, you'll kill them Edie: and we'll bury them in our sandpit Liam: I test you, they test me Edie: you can handle anyone, you're so above them, everyone Liam: I don't know what I'd do if things changed Edie: things will only change if you want them to Edie: I'm not going anywhere without you Liam: tell your ma you're staying at mine, I don't want her trying to get you back Edie: okay, I will Edie: you're the only one who's allowed to tell me what to do Liam: it'll be home until we don't want it, barely a lie Edie: it doesn't matter Edie: I'm never safer than when I'm with you Liam: you can stay at mine too, any time you want Edie: I can? Liam: yeah Edie: 😄😄😄 Edie: I'm now leaving Edie: very, very devastated about the lady driving without insurance 💔 Liam: who can afford that shit, heartbreaking isn't far off Edie: it's a scam Edie: speaking of, how am I gonna liberate some sleeping bags 🤔🤔 Liam: 🤰 Edie: 💡 Edie: pram would actually be perfect Liam: didn't leave any of your brain behind Edie: don't wanna live that young mum stereotype too hard or I'll be right back in that place and I've only just escaped Liam: you won't Liam: the baby won't need to steal it from you, it'll be smart & talented & beautiful in its own right Edie: and you'll love it Edie: and always look after it too Liam: everyone says there's nothing like it, I'd have to feel something Liam: you know that's all I want Edie: I think even if you don't love your kid Edie: you must still be scared for them Edie: and for your own life, how they'll save it or destroy it Edie: that's something Liam: we could be a family, it's been so long since I had one of them Edie: all we'd need would be us three Liam: if my ma won't let us make my sister's room into one for the baby then we'll find our own place Edie: there's room at mine Edie: well, we could make it Edie: with her track record, that's the one thing she can't not be cool on Liam: mine's not cool on fucking anything, but pretend I didn't say that or you'll never wanna come over Edie: she won't like me Edie: but I'll still come Edie: and I'll try to be more what a ma would like Edie: in front of her anyway Liam: she's up for me having a girlfriend, in her words finally Edie: better not disappoint then Edie: what's she like? Liam: she's a lot but she's been through a lot Liam: maybe that's where all the shit I'm supposed to feel went to Edie: maybe Edie: that's the kind of thing a mum would do Edie: take it all on, for good or bad Liam: she does do that, since both the baby daddys she picked turned out to be losers Edie: same with mine Edie: the only person who helped her out was another chick but she died and then there was another kid to take in so Edie: I'd hate to live like that Liam: you won't Edie: I can't Liam: we've got a plan, yeah? Liam: stay with me Edie: we can be different Edie: we are Edie: don't you feel it, around everyone, all the time Liam: yeah, I do Liam: I used to hate it Edie: it's lonely Edie: was Liam: I wanted to be more like my sister, everyone knew her & liked her Liam: but she got lonely too, in the end Edie: people are selfish Edie: they couldn't deal with her pain, even though it was hers to go through Liam: she used to beg me to stay with her & I did but we weren't in the same place Liam: I couldn't go there Edie: you weren't dying Edie: that's lonely Edie: people waste their time alive being alone and not doing what they want whilst they can and for what Liam: they don't wanna live too hard in case it kills them Edie: at least that way is quick Edie: you don't have time to think about it, or wait in that place Liam: yeah Edie: it's bullshit, all of it Edie: what happened to your sister, your mum, you Edie: we'll live by our own rules and it won't be like that Liam: it was bullshit, everyone acting like there's peace & acceptance & she'd feel super chill Liam: she was angry & lonely & fucking terrified of falling off the edge Liam: exhausted from fighting to stay on Edie: why would there be, or should she be Edie: it isn't okay Edie: kids with everything ahead of them shouldn't fucking die Liam: I should've Liam: before I met you Liam: instead of her Edie: you would've if you could've Edie: the universe doesn't do trades and that's another fucked thing about it Liam: I need you to help me fix it Liam: nothing's how it's supposed to be Edie: Okay Edie: let's do it Liam: you'll really do anything for me Edie: I swear Edie: it's right Edie: it's what I'm meant to do Liam: how do you know? Edie: because I want to Edie: and if the universe is pure random, chaotic chance Edie: then you have to follow the right strings Edie: or it goes wrong, like you said Liam: & this is right Liam: the only way I have Edie: is it? Edie: for you Liam: you're all that's left Liam: I can't do anything else Liam: if this doesn't work, nothing will Edie: then it's settled Liam: you're gonna love this 🏠 Edie: what's it like? Liam: huge Liam: bigger than the one my ma rents for real Edie: no way Edie: can't believe he wasn't lying Edie: let's keep it Liam: baby, there's so much space Liam: haven't hit my head either Edie: 😱 Edie: let's stay forever Edie: we'll deal with any estate agents or potential renters who come Liam: under the floorboards Edie: bet they have loads of unnecessary storage we can use too Edie: wine cellars and pantries Liam: 👶 do have a lot of shit they need though Edie: how many bedrooms are there Liam: 4 Edie: it can have a playroom and so can we Liam: you'll be able to finish that song about me Edie: I'll write whole albums Liam: you can write one for the 👶 every milestone, like a less shit Adele Edie: 😂 Edie: I will Edie: 👶 will feel so loved Liam: I want it for my birthday Edie: have you done the maths? Liam: not in that lesson any more, give me a sec Edie: 🤞 you've not given me an impossible task 😿 Liam: [does the maths even though we don't know when his bday is or what time of year it is rn but pretend we do] Edie: okay Edie: we'll have to get moving Edie: I'll put these condoms back Liam: give them to that lad, he don't need to be having any kids Edie: seriously Edie: his brother already has some he doesn't see, right Edie: gross Liam: I got some 💊 off him that didn't do fuck all Liam: waster in every way Edie: such a loser Liam: we're gonna have to be clean Edie: me at least, when it's cooking Liam: I'm not gonna keep going without you Edie: serious? Liam: you're willing to do anything for me, I can stop taking 💊 for you Edie: I love you Liam: hurry up, you have to see this place Edie: Okay, okay Edie: there's a lot of stuff this baby needs too Liam: I need you here Edie: then I'll run Liam: you can lie down as soon you've made it home Edie: I got us dinner Liam: gutted I don't have a real 💍 in my eye socket Edie: I'll have to use a ring pull Liam: it'll work for now Edie: were your parents married? Liam: nah, but she married my sister's dad Liam: she liked him better all round Edie: that makes sense Edie: same with mine and the others dad Edie: hence she went back to him Liam: dunno what your ma was thinking but in fairness to mine he was less of a twat for a while Edie: can't help who you love Edie: some people are unlucky with that too Liam: yeah Liam: & some people never get to be in love Edie: some people don't let themselves Liam: like we said earlier about not living Edie: yeah Edie: I guess it is scary but what's the alternative Liam: I used to properly feel things you know Edie: before your sister died Liam: if it was there before, it could be again Edie: definitely Edie: I know it Edie: we'll work it out Liam: you'll be happy here Liam: [a pic of the cute shit he's been doing in her absence trying to make this place nice for her] Edie: 🥺🥺 Edie: it says I'm nearly there Liam: I'll come out so I can carry you in 👰 Edie: you know I'd die to make you happy Liam: but that isn't what I want Liam: I'd prefer if you lived forever Edie: then I'll do that Edie: we can have hundreds of babies if that's what you need Edie: or do all the drugs in the world Edie: or go on the longest killing spree Liam: I think that'd take a huge toll on you physically, which I don't want either Liam: I'm not trying to ruin you Edie: you might make me actually cry Liam: stay beautiful, that's what I need Edie: Come get me Liam: [does] Edie: [lowkey laden down with all the essentials be careful boy] Liam: [literally take a sec to imagine them going from room to room planning their lives like adorable nerds] Edie: [this is all so bittersweet we're so mean] Liam: [I'm totally fine and not gonna sob] Edie: [I think if they made it look lived in, it'd make the squatters go away, so then it's just when the landlord/estate agent moment shows up eventually, but I think that would give them a bit of time to do it, even if it's like a week] Liam: [there's just something so pure about this, like it really reminds me how young and broken they are, casually playing pretend like little kids here] Edie: [mhmm, like because she's technically smart everyone expects her to be cynical and realistic but she can't be and is like genuinely if we try hard enough this will all work and be real] Liam: [just reminding me of my pure baby angel Carly in a way I did not expect to be hit by, excuse me] Edie: [when you're more like her and Billie is more like Ali don't mind me] Liam: [I don't know why I love that so much but I do] Edie: [just live your best lives huns, all the ridiculous things you've got for this home moment, also some kind of baby doll 'cos we didn't steal a real child] Liam: [we don't need either of you getting in that much trouble when the fams are gonna be annoyed as is, they should totally film something with it during this week because those hoes] Edie: [creepy, cryptic video in response to where you are like soz for scaring you all half to death it's just our brand] Liam: [and she should practice tattoo designs on it for him like do you like this one or nah] Edie: [definitely covered in biro] Liam: [put your treasure in it's eye socket] Edie: [there's so many sick designs tbh] Liam: [are we saying they still go to school or purely hole up] Edie: [probably hole up 'cos 1 why not but 2 at least you'd know they were together even if not where lol] Liam: [it adds to the vibe of their own little world so I'm here for it] Edie: [like truly why would you go to school, maybe when you're pregnant and we need to win people 'round lmao] Liam: [he wouldn't stalk Rio all week that means #proudofyouboy] Edie: [we're all thrilled] Liam: [actual progress for real because he's been doing it for years and he didn't force Edie to go to school so he could] Edie: [it truly is, when you're just having fun gah] Liam: [proud of you for living real life again boy, speaking of, we know the vibe but is there anything you wanna write down here as defs happening this week other than what we've said?] Edie: [hmm, so let's recap real quick and then we can add anything if we think of it, we've got homey things and he's made it cute and we're playing house so the squatters don't come and wreck it, which is so cute, we're planning our family and life like this is absolutely nbd, doing all the biro tattoos, making our ARG and making a weird/scary vid for the fam lollollol soz, just clearly getting to know each other intensely and bonding and cementing this plan] Liam: [do write some songs gal but I also think they should try whatever drugs they want to that they haven't before they get clean for this pregnancy moment because adds to the bonding that they don't even throw a party they just do it together] Edie: [i vibe that because it isn't about the party of it all, it's the feeling things, so it makes feelsy sense] Liam: [yeah I felt it, and it's so cute that they're doing all these domestic things while sometimes high af] Edie: [like you said, we don't need to be saints 'cos who is even when they have a child but it's very noble that you're like okay let's get it out of the way lol] Liam: [literally ruster are still living lavish and partying with their champagne and coke when they have theirs, tell me I'm wrong] Edie: [mhmm, y'all are very sweet actually it's pure] Liam: [neither of them seem like they would be so sweet and pure and that's why I stan it] Edie: [maybe they can do things they'll do when they have the bub like the park etc so like normal childhood things which he probably didn't get to do much] Liam: [boo how dare you, that's so cute] Edie: [like again, bittersweet but also childlike vibes again and he can enjoy it] Liam: [also I vote he gets on this roof and shouts about his feelings like he said he was gonna on the school roof] Edie: [a mood, and you can be a bit destructive inside, just got to keep it looking respectable so every loser in town doesn't crash your fun] Liam: [OMG but what if that's towards the end of the week and he says he loves her then because he has not like literally shout it from the rooftops but genuinely] Edie: [need that tbh 'cos as in this as she is and not turning back, she's obvs noticed he hasn't like she knows she's still out here trying to make him feel not like oh yes, I have succeeded lol] Liam: [it just is real like when you're pissing about at first but then the feels carry you along] Edie: [oh you two]

[julystorms]

It seems to me that SNK went from being a character-based story (at least in the early volumes) to plot-based, judging by the development of each arc and the complaints I see from fans of secondary characters as to how little screen time they've been getting lately. What would you have done to change this (and I apologize for potentially asking an open-ended question)?

I think you’re right. Worth noting, too, is that most people in fandom who stick around for a long period of time do it for the characters; SnK is a little different, since the series is still ongoing (and therefore you’ll find a split where part of the fandom is here more for the plot while the rest  sticks around primarily for the characters), but the majority would probably vote for characters over plot. After all, good characters can carry a shitty plot. (The reverse is rarely true; readers need to feel involved and invested in the plot through the characters, so a nice plot doesn’t fly if the characters are legitimately terrible.)

Anyway, like I said, I think SnK started off more character-centric with a basic do-it-yourself kind of a plot:

humanity is on the brink of ruin/extinction (the population we see is all that’s left of the human race)

keeping humanity trapped are magical anatomy textbook escapees

main character is going to fight for honor for freedom FOR GLORY

lmao too bad he sucks?

and also too bad that this is actually Really Dangerous and a lot of people die

good thing our main character can, uh, shift into a titan. For some reason.

There were hints as to Something Bigger going on (Eren’s father promising to show him what was in the basement right before all hell broke loose; the fact that Eren can turn into a titan in the first place), but the series, particularly the anime in some regards, really tried to play up the character-centricism of the story. There’s a plot, definitely, but this is first and foremost Eren’s story, Mikasa’s story, Armin’s story, Jean’s story (et cetera and so on). To showcase this they focus pretty hard on, say, Marco’s death because even though Mina and Franz and others died at the same time, Marco wasn’t seen dying or dead until several days later; he’s a different kind of tragedy. Like, Marco is important for several reasons. These kids are already traumatized from being flung face-first into fighting titans. And then they have to clean up the mess, too? Scrape their comrades off the cobblestones? All right. Marco is one of these classmates. Nobody saw him die. They were probably hoping they might find him injured or something--idealism at its finest maybe. But his bloated corpse is right there; one of their Top 10 died. Why was he alone? What happened? How much did he suffer? And like, was it all for nothing--all this training? Is this going to be everyone’s fate?

I think it’s unfair to give Marco the credit for inspiring everyone to join the Survey Corps (yawn; people are sheep but come on), but he deserves partial credit. The other kids who died, and the adults, too, deserve credit also.

And I mean, look: it doesn’t matter what you think of Marco as a character, the aftermath of his death was a turning point for a lot of characters, especially Jean.

People died, but we saw the immediate impact, if nothing else. Ian and Mitabi dying so that Eren could do his job? We see how this affected Rico, but the story was still largely from Eren’s perspective, so in a manner of speaking how it affected Rico probably had an impact on Eren almost as much as these near-strangers dying for the greater goal did. 

The story started drifting, becoming more plot-centric, after this, with the Female Titan Arc, but we still saw humanity in the writing, in the domesticity of Levi’s special ops squad just being regular people, Petra being a li’l gossip and Eld being a piece of shit and Auruo trying in his own way to make a point about the life Eren has chosen for himself. We see that, too, in Eren’s struggle to understand his shifting, in his desire to be useful while feeling useless, while being treated like an object instead of a person. The series at this point was leaning more plotcentric slowly but surely, while at the same time forcing the reader to ask a lot of human questions about Eren’s situation: is him being a shifter actually even worth anything? Will it ever be? Or are these characters just hoping really hard and making some (perhaps!) fatal choices about using Eren for these purposes?

We see the characters come to terms with Eren. Levi’s special ops squad recognizes Eren as a human being, as a well-meaning child soldier, as a hard, dedicated worker who truly wants to do some good in this world. And they show it in making a show to demonstrate that they understand the troubles he is facing even just a little.

And when they die, we see the impact. Eren feels guilty. Levi tells him to move on because that’s just how life is. Accept the loss as a loss, personal or not, and keep going. 

Eren hasn’t forgotten them; they’ve popped up a few times, chapters and chapters later. Their sacrifices weren’t for nothing, though IMO they died too quickly and without leaving a big enough impact on the audience. Still, at least Eren hasn’t forgotten them.

But after this the plot shifts into Plot Mode and a lot of people die, the impact of which isn’t seen until it feels forced in to account for so many fans bitching about how Isayama probably forgot to include it. The truth of the matter is that I feel 100% that the series shifted to tell a plot instead of a story, and other (fairly) recent events support that, like...Plot Vehicle Flocke who... I mean, I can get behind this kid as a character...or could, if he read as ANYTHING but a body to spew things to move the plot. I feel the same way about most of the new kids; they’re just there to fill space and I can’t imagine we’ll ever have time to get to know them and wrap up the actual plot of the series.

Of course, this is something that tends to happen in long serial works--the author drops tidbits about stuff, changes their mind about those tidbits, abandons plot threads (sometimes intentionally and other times not, oops), adds new plot threads, decides X or Y won’t work as well as originally anticipated and that Z, while a cool concept, has to go because it doesn’t fit with the story anymore/because there isn’t room for it/because now the audience is asking about A, B, C, D, E, and F, and those need to be addressed instead of, you know, why M wanted to be a soldier or how N feels about what’s just happened in the story.

And at this point I think that Isayama has this story to tell and his options are to tell the plot of the story at the expense of his characters’ depth, or...to dig into the characters at the expense of his plot, and he is NOT going to pick his characters over his plot. Tying up the plot comes first; it’s gotten so convoluted by now that if he doesn’t, the series automatically flops. 

And let’s face it--people are invested. Because of the characters that he initially set up. Because Isayama is REALLY good at writing compelling characters if he doesn’t try to force a dull plot on them! Truly, he is. This is the Real Reason why people like his side characters; he paints fascinating possibilities and then (usually) kills them off before we know them, leaving the readers either happy that we got any hints of interesting-ness at all or bitter that that depth was never explored. (I fall into the latter category but I’m honestly a bit torn; if he was going to force a dull plot on Gelgar I wouldn’t really want any part of it, anyway...)

As far as what I would have done, it’s honestly pretty hard to say. I am a character person; I’d have taken a mediocre (or at least less complex) plot over the one we got any day if it meant the characters would have gotten more attention. So I probably would go back, simplify the plot a helluva lot (if not change it entirely: no more memory wipe bullshit, no ackermagic), alter the timeline itself (500 or 1000 years behind the walls instead of 100), and split my attention between the characters and the plot to the best of my ability. I’d no doubt lean toward characters but if the plot isn’t too complex, it won’t feel as if it’s being neglected for the sake of the characters because your readers aren’t busy trying to make sense of a plot that they can’t possibly solve without more information. A lot. More. Information. Instead, your readers are taking this journey with the characters!

(I’d also do hella worldbuilding because SnK’s is terrible and it makes suspension of disbelief very difficult. Like bitch you can’t breed specialized horses in less than 100 years are you high? And let’s be real here: you get speed OR stamina OR mediocrity: NO EXCEPTIONS.)

I was talking with @goodguyjean yesterday about how Eren/Mikasa/Armin don’t really live up to their hype as the main trio because I’m just not very invested in any of them, but Eren and Armin barely even pique a fraction of my curiosity by this point. Considering they are the main characters...that’s bad. I should love at least one of them. As it is, I get frustrated when the story bothers to focus on them. Which I think says something about the plot more than the characters: forcing a twisted complex (but so far very) mediocre plot onto characters that could have flourished if they weren’t bogged down by trauma that hasn’t even been addressed by the series itself--not enough, anyway.

I liked that Eren has had moments of, say, compassion for the titans after learning the truth about them, but...I hate that it wasn’t dealt with more thoroughly, or at least discussed with a more relevant character. Levi showed compassion in turn which was really nice ngl, but I really thought Eren and Connie should have had some screentime together instead. Or better yet: additionally. 

Which brings me to another related issue: character relationships have gotten pretty stale and boring and they were once strong but aren’t being really addressed as falling apart or being “less than” they were before, so... They’re starting to remind me of the Fire Emblem: Awakening relationships we were meant to believe in because we were told to believe in them, but we were never shown those relationships in action and that made it difficult to buy into (I’m specifically talking about the Shepherds and their relationships to one another; the game tells us they’re close but what’s shown is...not that). I hope this is given some attention soon, even if it’s like “lmao yeah none of us feel close anymore” because just ignoring it doesn’t feel right.

(But really this series just tries very hard to do too many things at once and...it’s not working as well as it would if the author focused more heavily on characters or plot instead of balancing between both and inserting THEME in there as well.)