#they are literally Choosing Me For This Position and yet... smh waste of everyone's time!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

just got a call for an interview and answered the phone with The worst voicecrack of my life, im Wheezing

[m96worthy]

Piña's Camping Survival Guide Vol. 1: Getting Past The Car Search

First of all I wanna start off by saying: I am not, nor do I consider myself to be, an expert in camping. Neither in camping at a festival, or in nature. As a matter of fact I was just online at 4am the other day looking at any little tips I might not know yet. That being said, I kinda know a lot lol. I have camped at Hard and Nocturnal in the past so I have a general idea on how searches are held. To put it bluntly, it’s impossible to know just how thoroughly you’ll be searched. There’s like 6 to 8 lines of cars coming through. You may have the line with the 25 year old who see’s that the line NEEDS to keep flowing so he just skims everything; only looking for glass, alcohol, and weapons. Oooorrr you could have that middle aged dickhead, who has no idea how he got put in a position to work this job, but he’s gonna take out all his frustrations out on you by searching every inch of your shit. Including your socks. Now that being said you’re probably gonna get an average in between person. Fact is, last year was Hardfest’s first year camping. Their lines to get searched for camping were RIDICULOUS. Why? Too many dickheads searching every square inch. So in assumption that they’ll wanna improve in every way possible for a better experience … the lines should move muuuch quicker, which theoretically means less of a search. Just so everyone knows: if you see a dog I am 98% sure he can not smell your drugs. But I’m sure as hell his master will smell your fear when he brings him sniffing your car. Play it cool. Weird side trick I picked up at Nocturnal, if you have a frisbee or a throwing ball or poi balls, go nuts with them. The officer cannot and will not stop you from playing in line, and his dog will be so distracted it’s quite hilarious. Haven’t tried it yet but it seemed to work really well from what I saw. But in a nut shell your search should basically be a “take everything out” skim skim skim “alright pack everything back up” and you dip (It’s a real bitch if you have a truckload of stuff that you barely got packed in there the first time. Pack light people please trust me, you don’t need it). Now that you have the run down on what it will be like getting searched we can move on how to properly hiding yo shiiieet. There’s only really three things to ever sneak into (in my knowledge) a campground: drugs, alcohol, and a piece. Trust me you’ll be the goat of all the goatland if you’re that one neighbor who got a bong in haha. I got one in both festivals I camped at. So let’s start with drugs. We’re not gonna suger coat it here and say something like, “oh drugs? I’ll skip this section because I’m a good child and I don’t do stuff like that”. Stfu and listen you heathen. Food is your friend. I garentee you if you brought enough food there’s no way you will have more drugs than food, let’s hope. Let’s say you have a “fruit snack packet sized” baggie stuffed full of euros… well buy a box of fruit snacks (of your choice of course I’m not dictating you) and shove it in there. DON’T OPEN THE BOX. I just mean to prop open the fold with your finger and squeeze it in there (pause). Shake it around, turn it upside down, go nuts. Trust me it won’t fall out. And if it doesn’t fit? Don’t be stupid haha, use less volume per drop. Do it a dozen times if necessary. It’s more safe in your food than your luggage always. I’m sure there’s dozens of options you can have with food, once I took out a whole thing of pringles and put my weed at the bottom. Worked like a charm only problem was all my Pringles smelt and tasted like weed heavy😂 I ate them though, mama ain’t raise no bitch! But get creative, please send me your ideas, I’m never too wise to be taught something. I literally just thought of one right now though off the top of my head, might be easier said then done actually…. But take out like the middle section of a loaf of bread and cut a hole to hollow it and put it back filled with… whatever. But be careful not to alter the weight a dumbass amount, and don’t leave empty space that moves around when shaken. Think small with this even though the loaf is big. I’ll have to try it myself I dont even know don’t listen to me haha. But of course you need to know your car, you feel me? Like I can’t tell you where a good spot to hide your stuff would be, it’s your car. Then lastly the obvious but most overlooked choice: just hide it on you. You’re not gonna sit here and tell me that you can sneak that stuff in the festival, but not your campsite. As if there’s staff searching bodis more heavily than they do the day of the festival (remember this is the Friday before not Saturday morning). So yeah that’s literally everything I know with that, because I can’t think of odd things I might have overlooked. Let me know we can think of something I’m sure. Moving foward to alcohol. If you’re a beer person I’m just gonna go ahead and crush your dreams right now. At Hard you can only bring in one case of beer OR one box of wine per car. Not box per person that’s 21 like Nocturnal. It’s a bitch, life’s not fair, we can sit here and cry all day but that’s the rule. Now this is another idea off the top of my head, because I personally haven’t done it, but you can spend the time to disguise the beers in a case of soda and just super glue the case closed again. Just be sure to use a can of a similar color, and also fill the ends of the box with sodas as decoys juuust in case. A little side note to have decoys of everything that has something hidden in it (water cases, food boxes, ect). Now that I told you how to sneak in your beer all safe and sound I’m gonna turn right around and tell you to stop being a little bitch and live without it. It’s not worth it dude, for multiple reasons. One its a waste of space. I can’t stress enough how little you want to bring with you. Start planning now and be smart. Two, it’s a waste of ice. Because you’re gonna be taking these warm beers and filling the ice chest with them to cool off therefore melting the ice unnecessarily. Three, it’s a waste of time. Be happy with the one case, I know, it hurts me too. But I’m telling you if you just buy a case of beer right before you get to the speedway it’ll still be a little cold when you get inside the campground, and if not it won’t take much to cool it versus it being warm or hot even. You can use that one case you have for BP, or just general drinkage, on that first night Friday. That way you killed it off right from the jump and you have space opened up from finishing it. If you’re worried about what you’ll drink the rest of the weekend, bring liquor. Vodka and clear liquors take the cake in simplicity so I do recommend these. But basically cut out, or shimmy out it you can swing it, about 3 or so bottles from the bottom. Fill em up with your liquor and put them back. Stack between two more cases of water as decoys (no one will shame you for being over hydrated trust me) and you’re good to go. If you cut the case open just do you best to cover it. Packing tape should work, but you can try to glue it if you’re a wizard. But yo, just think about these things when you’re shopping for your supplies. Every case of water differs in packaging. Make it easy in yourself by choosing the on that looks shrink wrapped. Guy: “But what if I like brown liquor man. I only drink whisky cause I ain’t no bitch” or Girl: “but I wanna make piña coladaaaaassssss. Please Matt! Can’t we bring some captain or crown? They’ll be so good trust me” Really nigga….? I just gave you a sure fire way to get in, potentially a lot of, vodka and you’re gonna get picky on your choice of alcohol? Damn. Well… go buy 4 gallon jugs of Arizona iced tea and drink 2 of them. Why? Because I’m not gonna sit here and tell you to throw away 2 gallons of perfectly good iced tea you wasteful bitch 😂 Now, fill one with Crown and the other with Captain and be happy. “But why did I buy 4 jugs?” Decoys! Pay attention dude geez smh. Now I’m SURE there’s a whole list of ways to sneak your liquor in. You’re probably gonna try and share some with me and I’ll pretend to value those options. But I’m telling you right now from personal experience that both these methods I just said work and there’s no reason for me to know another way. Cause I don’t know like any other ways literally haha. I’m sorry, I’m only human. Wow honestly I can’t believe how much I’ve typed so far. I hope you’re soaking this in while staying semi entertained with my writing I’m trying to keep it fun. Moving forward. A piece! I’m just gonna say right here I am a spoiled ballsy bastard who loves his bongs. So I risked it for the biscuit, and it was worth it taking bong rips at camp all weekend. Hard last year I put my bong in a towel and put it at the bottom of my clothes and shoved everything on top. I had “skim guy” so no worries, nobody found it, but let’s just assume I got lucky. At Nocturnal my buddy had a panel in his car that he could pull back and stick the piece in there. Worked like a charm. But like I said this goes back to the section on knowing your car. Inside and out, if drug mules can put kilos on kilos in a Corolla I’m sure you can find a spot for your piece. Use google to help because whatever you’re thinking someone has already thought of it. Sad but true. Brushing aside my past experiences to bring fresh ideas to the table … I think I’m gonna put aside my silver spoon. There’s waaaayyy too many dope rigs and pipes and bubblers out there that normally I wouldn’t use cause I have better, but they are perfect for these moments. Go invest. And I actually have two reasons for this with one being a past trauma. But first off it’s just way easier to hide, plain and simple, 2x2" to 3x3" piece will always be easier to hide then a 5x12" peice. So secondly it’s not that I’m too scared now to try and hide it, cause I’m down. But on the very last hour we spent at Hard, I’m talking the Monday morning packing up, we were taking dabs under the canopy. And because people were clearing out around us a security officer was able to spot us from pretty far out (lol far out👽) and rolled up on us out of no where in a golf cart and took all his stuff. It was just really heartbreaking (RIP that rig) and it wasn’t even mine. I’d just hate to lose or break a 120 dollar set up when I can buy a 20 dollar little mini rig. Plus there’s always joints and wax pens as an addition or an alternative, bitches love joints and wax pens lol.