#thethingswethinkwe'resupposedtobe

[rebeccarushcomedy]

Stranger Things Have Not Happened

The craziest thing just happened. I am working on entering all these journal entries from the period of time I was with my ex husband (2004-2009) so I can work on that memoir while I’m in Bali for the month of September and I googled my ex husband, found his business Facebook page, and forgave him. Felt happy for him. Now, this man broke my finger, cheated on me (and I him) called me a Jew Bitch Cunt all the time, dragged me across the house by my hair, threw out tons of my journals and other possessions, threw me into our pool multiple times, told me I wasn’t capable of taking care of myself,threatened to break up with me every time he didn’t get his way, brought home cocaine every day for years, sprung a drug test on me in divorce court, is holding a sex tape I made during a relapse in rehab hostage so he never has to pay the court ordered alimony or my mother back thousands upon thousands he borrowed from her, and yet, and yet, I’m looking at this page feeling my heart break open. He seems to be doing well. He’s with the same woman last I knew. It appears he has a child in addition to the one she already had that he is raising. She is working with him, which is what he always wanted. A woman to join his life that he had already created of doing custom paint work. I never wanted that, I always wanted to be a writer and create my own art. He has found his heaven on earth. It’s blowing my mind right now how my heart has broken open and I am feeling a love and compassion I have never known and could never have anticipated. I mean, I haven’t been happy for that motherfucker since the day I met him. Gifts of sobriety, I guess. This is gonna be a much better book now.