#these people need an entire army of therapists

[tina-nina]

I needed more characters blatantly appalled by the regulators and going "yeah, we need to dismantle that brick by bloody brick" instead of "oh wow that's kind of wack, let's try and see where they're coming from."

I know where they're coming from. It still needs to be dismantled brick by bloody brick.

[middleearthpixie]

Brilliant Disguise ~ Chapter Twenty-Five

Summary: Speech therapist Josephine Asharm has been brought into Erebor to work with Bifur, but trying to find her place among people who eye her suspiciously would be difficult enough under normal circumstances, but when Sophie finds herself caught between the king, his most trusted lieutenant, and the dwarf she’s there to help? She’s certain no good can come of it. Being of Man, not only does she stand out in the dwarf kingdom, she’s not entirely certain she’s actually welcome there at all. 

Thorin only agreed to allow Sophie to live amongst them out of a sense of duty to Bifur, who is recovering from an odd head injury (is there any other way to describe having an axe blade lodged in one’s head, only to have it later dislodged during the Battle of the Five Armies?) Before the battle, he spoke only khuzdul. But since it? He’s regained the ability to speak Westron—if only he could but remember any of it. As for Thorin? He’s trying his damndest to ignore the speech therapist, not to mention his own growing feelings for her, even as he is also recovering from his near fatal wounding in the same battle. 

Both Sophie and Thorin are haunted by their pasts and are uncertain of their futures, but sometimes, chances must be taken…  

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x OFC Josephine (Sophie) Asharm 

Warnings: None 

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.6k

Tag List:  @mrsdurin @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard

@legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @arrthurpendragon @exhausted-humxn-being

@rachel1959 @laurfilijames @sketch-mer-6195 @sherala007 @enchantzz

@knittastically @notlostgnome @myselfandfantasy @medusas-hairband @guardianofrivendell

@jotink78 @sorisooyaa @ruthoakenshield @frosticenow @quiall321

@dianakc @msjava1972 @glassgulls @evenstaredits @heilith

@asgardianhobbit98 @albionscastle @absentmindeduniverse @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms @sazzlep

@night-ace

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here.

Thorin heard the laughter coming from the paddock before he reached it and as he drew near and caught sight of Heather astride a pony on her own, he stopped in his tracks. Her silvery laughter rang out across the open field, mingling with Fíli’s and for a moment, Thorin envied the peace, the innocence, that surrounded Heather. She never need know what happened to her father, other than he’d not frighten her again, that he’d not ever lay another angry hand upon her again. 

He only regretted that he had not been the one to let Asharm know exactly what he thought of men who raised fists to women or children. Still, not being able to do that was a small price to pay, since Sophie had taken care of Asharm for once and for all. He would never trouble them again.

With that, he crossed to the fence, where he found Dís watching as well and she looked up as he leaned on the rail alongside her. “Is everything all right?”

He nodded slowly. “It is now.”

“Good.” The beads in her braids clicked against one another. “Dwalin said you went into Esgaroth? There was an accident on the Long Lake?”

“There was, and that is all I will say about it.”

Another soft clatter of stones. “So, will Mrs. Asharm be remaining with us here?”

“I think so, yes.”

“And will you make an honest woman of her?”

“Dís.”

“That little girl needs a father.” Dís nodded in Heather’s direction. “Are you prepared to step up into that role?”

“I rather thought I already had.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, and yes.”

“Kíli is planning to depart for Mirkwood in the coming days. He plans to formally ask Tauriel for her hand.”

Thorin bit back his grin. “And how do you feel about this?”

“An elf, Thorin. She is an elf.”

“I know.”

“But she’s also the reason he is alive today.” Dís looked over at him. “How do I deny him my blessing when I know she truly cares for him?”

“I don't suppose you can.”

“So, it seems I will have an elf daughter-in-law and a sister-in-law who is of Man. Our family is growing interesting.”

He chuckled, his gaze going back to Heather, who was listening intently to whatever Fíli was saying. “Erebor’s princess is also of Man.”

“I like her, Thorin. I like both of them.” She looked over at him again. “And I think they will both be happy here.”

“I hope so. And do not worry about Kíli. He knows what he is doing. And Tauriel is a fine match for him. They’ll be happy.” He glanced over at Heather, and then turned back to his sister. “Would you prefer it if I went with him?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I think Fíli is going with him and they will be fine.”

“Have you spoken to Dwalin?”

“Thorin.”

“Oh, am I overstepping?” He turned to her, resting one arm on the topmost slat of the fence. “He’s miserable without you, you know. What did he do, that you’re angry with him?”

“He did nothing. And I thought we were discussing Kíli.”

“We were, and we’ve both come to the conclusion that he’s grown and of age to decide for himself who to take as a bride. And since we’ve straightened out my love life as well, that leaves yours as the only one in disarray. So, give over and tell me or at least tell him and put the lad out of his misery.”

“He told me about his outing with Mrs. Asharm, when she first came here.”

Thorin smiled even as his gut kinked as well. “It was nothing, you know. They shared not even a kiss.”

“I know, but…” She sighed softly, shaking her head. “She is stunning. How do I compete with that?”

“Dis, there is no competing with her. He is not interested in her.”

“Because of his friendship with you.”

“No, he knows who his One is, Dís. And it is not Sophie. So, now that you know this, will you at least talk to him?”

“I have spoken with him, Thorin. He wishes to marry.”

This was news to him. “He does?” 

“Aye. He asked me last eve.”

“He never said a word to me.”

“I told him no.”

“Wait… what? The two of you have been dancing about each other since we returned here, both wanting the same thing, but neither one having the courage to speak up, and when he does, you turn him down?”

“I’m too old, Thorin. Too old and set in my ways and I have my boys to think of.”

“Nonsense,” he told her flatly, pushing away from the fence. “They are boys no more, Dís, and do not use them as your excuse. And as for being too old? You are an entire decade younger than me. Am I too old to think about a new life?” 

“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. Besides, you’re the king. Your duty is to marry and produce an heir.”

“Nonsense. Fíli is my heir since there is no guarantee Sophie and I will be blessed with children of our own. Again, stop making excuses.”

“Even so.”

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

He nodded. “Do you love him? Because I’m fairly certain he loves you, Dís. So, do you love him?”

“I—I don't know. Perhaps. It’s been a long time, Thorin. I don't know… I don't know if I can open myself to that again. Vili was—he—he was… I thought he was my One.”

“I thought Elmaya was my One,” he replied softly. “I think perhaps even Mahal might make a mistake every now and again.”

“You did not have children with her, though.”

“No. I did nothing with her, aside from a few stolen kisses. But, Vili also would not want you mourning him if you had a chance to be happy, either.”

Dís turned her gaze back to Fíli and Heather, now both trotting back toward the stables on their respective mounts. “She’s quite the horsewoman. It won’t be long before she’ll be asking for a pony of her own.”

“Yule is coming.”

As if on cue, the first snowflakes of the season began to fall and Dís smiled as she looked up at him. “I do love him, Thorin. But… it’s frightening.”

“It is,” he nodded as Fíli and Heather disappeared into the stable, then he turned to his sister, “but it’s worth it in the end. Go talk to him. Before too much time passes and you end up regretting your silence.”

“Now I know why you hate when I butt in,” she told him with a smile. “But, thank you. And will you be taking your own advice?”

“I will,” he replied. “But first I need to speak with a certain little girl and see how she feels about my asking Sophie for her hand.”

Dís’ pale blue Durin eyes sparkled. “What if she says no?” 

“I’ll bribe her with chocolate cake until she says yes.”

She chuckled with him for a moment, but then her expression grew serious. “You will be a wonderful father, you know. To Miss Heather and to any children Mahal sees fit to bless you and Sophie with. I’ve always thought so, and now I look forward to seeing it.”

“Thank you, Dís. That means the world to me.” He leaned over to press his forehead to hers. “And I think you and Dwalin will surprise each other to no end when you finally both stop being so blasted stubborn.”

“Rather like you and Mrs. Ash—I mean, Sophie?”

“Exactly.”

“Mister Thorin! It’s snowing!”

He grinned, stepping away from the fence as Heather bolted toward him, catching her easily when she launched herself at him. “Mimûna, you will not be happy until to knock me over, will you?”

She let out a peal of silver laughter, wrapping her arms about his neck. “That’s silly! You’re a giant!”

Dís offered up a knowing smile. “You don't hear that often, do you, Thorin?”

“I do not. And it’s fine if Miss Heather thinks so.”

Heather leaned away from him to turn her pearly smile to Dís. “You look so pretty today, Lady Dís.”

“Why thank you, love,” Dís replied, tweaking one of Heather’s curls. “You are turning into quite the horsewoman.”

“Indeed she is,” Fíli replied as he joined them, tousling Heather’s hair gently. “I volunteered you to ride with her whilst I’m gone, Uncle. I told her you are almost as good a horseman as I am.”

“That was generous of you,” Thorin replied dryly.

“Kíli is going to the woods.” Heather turned back to him. “Where is that?”

“Mirkwood? It’s not far from here. Across the Long Lake and down the river a bit. Perhaps when you are older, we can travel there and I can introduce you to their king, Thranduíl. A fussy little wood sprite with leaves in his hair.”

“In his hair?”

Dís chuckled. “A fussy little wood sprite, indeed. Very well, Thorin, I will leave you and this lovely young lady to talk. Fíli, would you walk me back? There is something I wish to discuss with you.”

“Of course. Until tomorrow, Miss Heather.” Fíli caught one of Heather’s hands in his and brushed the back of it with a playful kiss.

She giggled and drew her hand back. “That tickles! Bye, Fífi. Bye, Lady Dís.”

“Enjoy the snow,” Dís replied, tucking her arm through Fíli’s to allow him to escort her away from the paddock.

Snow swirled harder around them now and Heather blinked like mad as she peered up into it, her cheeks already rosy from the cold. “Can we play in the snow, Mister Thorin?”

“Perhaps later. There isn’t quite enough on the ground for playing just yet.” He shifted her slightly. “And there is something I needed to speak with you about. Something very serious.”

Her eyes widened. “Serious?”

“Oh, yes.” 

“Am I in trouble?”

She asked it so earnestly, her expression suggesting she feared his answer would be yes. He smiled, shaking his head. “No, Miss Heather. You are not in trouble. I promise.”

“Good. I thought I was.”

“Not at all.”

She leaned away from him, bringing her hands up to curve against his cheeks. “Is something wrong? You look sad.”

“Nothing is wrong, mimûna and I am not sad. It is simply I am in a serious sort of mood at the moment.”

He carried her away from the paddock, toward the walled courtyard off the infirmary. Snow fell harder now, softly swirling this way and that to coat the trees, the ground, in a layer of pure white that glowed as if lit from a moon hidden behind the clouds. The silence accompanying it was some of the most peaceful silence Thorin had ever heard and for the first time since learning of Sten Asharm’s existence, Thorin felt the weight lift from his shoulders. Sophie was free.

He glanced down at the little girl in his arms. Heather was safe. They were both safe. 

“Mister Thorin?”

“Yes, mimûna?”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“You’re very quiet. Mama gets quiet when she is sad.” Heather leaned away from him. “But you said you aren’t sad.”

“Just the opposite, love. I’m not sad at all. I’m actually quite happy.” He drew several wayward curls away from her face and then traced his finger along her cheek. “What about you, mimûna? Are you happy?”

She nodded. “I like it here.”

“And I like having you here. You and your mother. Would you be happy living here?”

Another nod. “I would. I’d miss Gimli if I had to go. And Mister Fífi. And Lady Dís.” Her eyes grew serious. “And I’d miss you, too…”

“I’d miss you as well, you know,” he told her softly. “Might I ask you a serious question?”

“A serious one?” Heather’s eyes went round. “How serious?”

“Very serious.”

She thought about it for a moment, then slowly nodded. “You can.”

His stomach tossed slightly, and he would have laughed at his own nervousness, if not for the fact that he genuinely valued what this one little girl would think about what he asked. “You know, I’m glad you and your ’amad came here, right?”

She nodded. “And I’m glad we did, too.”

“Good.” He smiled, giving her a gentle squeeze. “In the time that you’ve both been here, I’ve… I mean to say that I… well… Well… I love you. Both you and your mother. Very much, in fact. And I’d like you to both stay. Would you like to stay here, Miss Heather?”

She nodded again. “You just asked me that, Mister Thorin.”

“Right, I did, didn't I? I’m so sorry, mimûna, for I am nervous.”

“Nervous?”

He nodded. “Nervous.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like scared.”

“But you’re a king. Kings don't get scared.”

“They do indeed get scared from time to time. And you would be amazed at the reasons why.”

“Why are you scared?”

He gave her another gentle squeeze. “Your mother has become very important to me, you know. But you are also important to me. And I was wondering how you feel, if I were to ask her to marry me.”

Heather’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“Would you be upset if I did?”

His heart beat faster as she stared at him for a long moment, but then she smiled and shook her head. “No, Mister Thorin. But—” 

She clamped her lips together, her brows pulled low as if something very heavy weighed upon her mind. He held her away slightly. “What is it, mimûna?”

“Would that make you my… how do you say it?”

His heart sped up again. “’Adad?”

“Is that papa in dwarf?”

He nodded slowly. “It is, yes.”

“Would you be mine?”

“Would you like me to be your ’adad, raklûna?”

“Yes.”

She said it softly, but for Thorin, it was like being punched in the gut in the nicest way possible and unexpected tears pricked the backs of his eyes. “I’d like it as well, uzbadnâtha.”

Heather slipped her arms more tightly about his neck and hugged him and in return, he wrapped her tighter as well. When she whispered, “We’ll be a real family,” Thorin would swear he felt his heart actually melt. 

“We will, indeed,” he told her, giving her yet another squeeze. “But, can you do me one very large favor?”

She leaned away from him again. “What?”

“I want to surprise your mother, so don’t let her know we’ve had this conversation until I’ve been able to ask her as well. Can you do that?”

“Keep a secret?”

He nodded. “Just for another day or so, though.”

“I can do that, Mister Thorin.”

“I knew you could.” 

She beamed at him. “Mama will be so happy.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“She will. I promise.” Heather brought her hands to his cheeks, her fingertips moving lightly along his beard. “Bristly.”

“So you’ve said,” he chuckled.

“Mister Thorin, does this mean I can have a baby brother or sister?”

“Perhaps one day, mimûna. First, I need to ask your mother and we will take it from there.”

“I’d really like a baby brother.”

“We will see, love. We will see. But first, there’s one more thing I need to ask you.”

Heather’s eyes went wide. “What?”

He smiled. “Will you help me?”

She nodded, more serious than he’d ever seen her look. “I will.”

[altocat]

sephiroth: 2, 13, 14, 16, 33, 18, 50.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Canon: Mommy issues are one of the most important aspects of Sephiroth's character and to take that away immediately sucks all the fun out of him.

Headcanon: Sephgen and/or AGS is legit. Shhhh it is. Trust me.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Purposefully antagonized a dragon in order to lead it directly into enemy lines on the battlefield. This is one of Sephiroth's greatest and most famous exploits in Wutai. Some would-be soldiers have tried to copy this strategy in the past, only to get incinerated. Sephiroth himself would (probably) not do it again.

14. Most heroic moment

Took on an entire army in order to rescue a captured Genesis. While Genesis looks back on this moment with a sense of bitterness and shame, Sephiroth was nearly torn to shreds blazing through an enormous fortress just to find him. Sephiroth has yet to ever truly meet his limit, but the sheer stress and exhaustion of the incident was overwhelming. They threw everything they could at him--fire, poisonous darts, a makeshift rockslide, monsters, the threat of being crushed--but nothing took. Just one man against hundreds, all to retrieve his friend. Unfortunately, Sephiroth's most heroic moment was Gen's most pathetic, leading to years of festering self-hatred and insecurity.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

Sephiroth has many, many secrets, some of which would readily incite madness if he were to focus on them. And one of the very biggest? He has long suspected that Hojo, the man who abused, tortured, and violated him, is his father.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

Sephiroth only ever cries during instances of intense unhappiness or emotional anguish. It's very rare. Because he's so aloof towards people, he often eliminates the opportunity for anyone to witness him in such a vulnerable state. If there is something that can hurt him, it would be anything intense that calls into question his own personhood or humanity, as well as associated with his abusive upbringing. Hence why he cries in front of Glenn. And later in Nibelheim upon discovering the truth.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

Sephiroth has experienced hallucinations before; vivid nightmares and monstrous visions that prevent him from sleeping. But on the heels of that, Sephiroth recalls vague sensations of loss that he has no conscious connection to, the feeling of being ripped away. A complete sense of feeling incomplete, frightened, full of longing. He hates being touched, but there's that lingering need for closeness, a need for feelings of safety, of being wanted and cherished and held. He doesn't understand it. It's driving him absolutely crazy. But he knows there's a piece of him missing, calling out to him from some dark corner far away.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Memories. Plural. And this accounts for most of his childhood. Sephiroth would rather not recall any of it. He didn't even have to surrender them into the Lifestream years later following his descent. He'd already long since relinquished them, unable to confront them without having a violent episode. His body remembers. But his mind simply no longer wishes to process them. It's all one big painful void of blackness. He will never go back to that. Not ever.

[platonically-loving-alastor]

Hazbin Top 5

I was going to make a top 10 character list, but realized after the first 5 I didn't know where to place anyone- But in case you're curious, some contenders for the remaining 6-10, in no specific order, were Angel Dust, Charlie, Emily, Niffty, and Sir Pentious. Now here's my top 5 with reasonings and appreciation for them all!

5. Lucifer

Obviously bro is relatable, not only for his awkwardness and hyperfixations, but he also happens to be the same height as I am at about 5'2" (according to the sources I've seen). Being the same height as Lucifer is my biggest flex lmao- I still have no idea why his hatred of Alastor seemed so instant. Like yeah, Alastor was trying to annoy him by being a better dad to Charlie, but the whole 'fuck you' moment happened before any of that started. Did he just sense the bad vibes off of him or what? Anyway, his awkwardness and desperation to connect with his daughter make for probably my favorite lines of the episode, such as the "Hey bitch!" and the whole "You like girls? So do I!" situation followed by him being so distracted he called Vaggie by the wrong name. Perfect comedy

4. Lute

I love her an insane amount for someone who shows up so relatively little with so few lines, but here we are. I've already made an entire post about her, here it is if you want it, so I'll keep this short (Spoiler alert: I failed). I actually don't think I mentioned just how attractive this woman is, so let's get that out there right now. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this, about half the people I've seen react to Episode 6 have seen Lute without her mask, took a pause of recognition, and we all knew what they were thinking before the pressed play. Istg my taste in women (and sometimes even men, thanks Vox) is just "Can they murder me without a second thought? Yes? That's hot". My favorite line of hers is when she's hyping up the army with Adam and says "Rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass!" and even Adam has to be like "damn girl chill what the hell-" She's so feral I love her so much

3. Rosie

Everyone needs a Rosie in their lives. I don't just mean a regular therapist, I mean a person in your life, friend or family member, who will talk you out of your downward spiral and gently call you out on why those paranoid thoughts are actually pretty unrealistic (the other side of the same coin would be Husk, he's just more blunt about it). I'm also still completely convinced she has some interesting and sad backstory based on how she was talking to Charlie and I need to know about it so bad. "It can be difficult to admit to things you're not proud of, especially if those things hurt the ones you love" Ma'am what did you do? I find it hard to believe it's just about the cannibalism. I don't know if in this instance, she's the one who hurt someone or someone else hurt her and she was the one who failed to forgive them, but either way I need answers.

2. Vox

Y'all know I love this man in more ways than one, he one the hottest Hazbin character poll for a reason. But I swear everything about this man makes me love him as a character more. First, I always love a technology based character, his electricity powers and literal screen head are the coolest thing in the world to me. He's voiced by Christian Borle, which was a fantastic choice, along with the glitched effect his voice gets when he's mad, I love to see it. Apparently it's also canon he can fly (with rocket shoes)?? He just keeps getting the best character design choices possible, this can't possibly be fair- The fact his first introduction was being done with Val, telling him to call tf down, and treating him like a child ("Now that's why they pay you the big bucks!") was a pretty good first impression for me lol, made even funnier when it was followed by him losing all sense of rationalism when Alastor entered his line of sight.

1. Alastor

The character my blog is named after, this should not be a surprise. Shockingly enough, despite my obsession for him and acknowledgement of his charming nature and generally attractive design, I' do not simp for him in the slightest'm not personally attracted to him in the slightest. I simp for a TV and yet apparently deer man with permanent smile is where I draw the line idk- The most I want from him is to be as good of a friend to him as Rosie is (well that and to touch his ears but that's a given). But this is another character I love literally everything about. Who would've thought the concepts of 'radio host', 'serial killer', and 'literal deer' would work so well together to create this dapper yet terrifying fucking cryptid. Not only can he be either incredibly scary or a silly guy, he can and has done both at once. Example: Episode 3 when he's just casually eating a deer carcass in his room (in which he summoned a whole ass bayou). I was genuinely so glad when the 'this face was made for radio' thing happened in episode 1, confirming that they were still gonna lean into his creepy-as-fuck distortion and general vibe he had in the pilot. He's horrifying and evil and I love that about him. Meanwhile he also says shit like "Now he's pissy, that's the tea" (definitely taught to him by Rosie) and kicks his legs on the bed like a schoolgirl as if he hasn't committed countless atrocities. My favorite character, everyone-

Wow I wrote more than I meant to for this, sorry about the essay-

[droodlebug]

rhys hawke makes me insane. hes so scared. Hes watched everyone he cares about die in front of him knowing he could have prevented it if he were just somehow that little bit stronger, faster. better. hes scared of dying too, of leaving the people he loves to feel the same grief and guilt he has, so much so he'll go against all other mages around him and be bullied into helping the religous army he ran from him entire life. hes terrified of blood magic and demons and his reaction is to attack from fear, and it only gets stronger the longer he goes on.

he needs a therapist

[cakejerry]

user cakejerry i wanna marry you as well !!! but like you see my point im painfully biased so i refuse to put any blame on a 26 year old grown man so that other guy gets all the heat his fault for writing begin and trying to manufacture a personality for his impressionable member !!! and for pushing the ot7 agenda when HE KNOWSSS that its over for them but also not bc armys are deranged.. so i kinda live for jk going FUCK these guys im the star .. but im also his biggest hater for that bc what about jimin ???? oh and loveee jimin for not giving in bc if MY bd was acting out like that i too would be like idk who this man is ... hate it for him that the only one who can help him out without indirectly leeching off of him is done with his ass </3 like rm is cringe and hes the catalyst for this mess he could have done something.. jin idk much about him LMFAO but im sure he did what he could.. jhope is cool in my book.. yoongis a sellout so hes probably happy as hell rn and would absolutely beg for a cameo in his mv (in hindsight hes worse than rm bc he probably sees everything going on and his little evil villain brain goes hmm what can i get from this) taehyung ... hes currently leeching off of HIS DOG ... CRICKETTTT hes public enemy n1 TO ME and would probably make him worse, and jimin bless his soul ..listen to meeeee you can fix him pleeaase you cant give up on him youre the only one who can save him from hitting rock bottom and inevitably becoming jb we need youuuu

okay I feel like this is a psyop and you went through my entire blog and are trying to seduce me for evil purposes 😭 and it's working! because what do you mean namjoon writing begin is the root of all evil in this world, I LOVE YOUU

Jk is not even saying he's the star other people are telling him that. and he's slowly starting to believe it I fear omg jungkook fight back!

jk jm's baby daddy iktr 😭😭 JIMIN WE NEED YOU TO BE THE MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE AND FIX!! THAT!!! MAN!!!! jimin listen to me I know the dick is bomb and you're above getting involved in this mess but PLEASEEEE HOLD OUT UNTIL HE SEES A THERAPIST PLEASEEEEE PLEASEEEEEE. jm hole = answer to world peace

[astros-turf]

Genuinely I do not understand why people are horny for Miguel.... Like speaking as someone that usually favours the villains and misunderstood characters... I am really gonna need a reason why we like Miguel lol cuz currently? He needs to seriously sit down and take a chill pill. We don't need to order an entire army of spiders to kill a child. That's a bit excessive and crazy dude. I get you Hate™ him with all the void in your heart that your trauma left you but damn dude. Get a therapist.

And yes this is very much an invite for someone to prove me wrong cuz I've been really trying to see any good in him since seeing the movie so like is there a redemption in his comics? Do people like him for his original storyline and not the killing kids part? Are we gonna see a solid redemption in him when the third movie comes out? What is it? He does have a cool design, but the lack of any sort of budging on his behalf is what really gets me. You can't be a dictator to someone that was in the same position you were in, and instead of treating them with compassion and working together because maybe canon can be broken without it killing everything... you'd rather just kill him and his dad instead. I don't get that lol.

Do I instinctively not like or trust him cuz of my parental trauma lmao I really need y'all's perspective /gen

[missr3n3]

(I may have forgotten to add that flight training will give you wings that fit you if you succeed it but oh well)

anyway let's get down to some business-y jobs that only archangels (like michael or gabriel) do for the entire dimension of heaven. every archangel and angels that weren't mortal uses it pronouns but can use human pronouns if the situation needs it.

starting with raphael, you already know the basics. It works as both a therapist and a doctor, with many branches of therapy places and hospitals scatter around heaven. and writes a ton of books about the physical, emotional and mental health. mostly resides in central heaven but can go from place to place if needed.

next is uriel, big warm bear hugger. controls the daytime and night time. magically creates and distributes blankets, clothes, etc for people to use. its form is a combination of a duck and tiger, very huge, too. like. ten story building tall. usually moves very little unless its wings need to become roofs for people during rainstorms or hot days.

michael watches over earth and doesn't do much in heaven. however he has control of heaven's army if the situation needs them. his army produces transportations for heaven's residents to use.

and gabriel. it's the patron of information and news and such, so it mostly does paperwork in central heaven's library for various things. however it also provides information in various medias like tvs, newspapers, digital media and radios. it scares the other archangels because of how easy it can receive information within a moment's notice, regardless it doesn't put its nose to every single information unless completely revelant. which means it probably knows of cairyx's weakness and whatever species that guy is. and gabriel has a lot of sass and can beat anyone in a rap battle. it doesn't have a high eq level though (with its eq being 5 at best and -1 at worst), which makes it somewhat antisocial.

(Your friendly anon hater was here!)

again, a lot of rly cool ideas here!!!

[whichdirectionamigoing]

Chapter 6 ~ North

I stared into the mirror. I had done everything I could. Why did I still look like a girl? My hair was cut raggedly, yet remained silky and shiny. My facial hair was trimmed neatly, slowly gathering sparks of grey. But all I could see was the little girl with pigtails my mom had made me all those years ago.

My wife saw me as a man. My kids saw me as a man. Why did I still look like a girl? I had no breasts, even. But it still felt like I did. I passed. I knew that. Then why did my father always refer to me as his daughter still?

It didn't matter. I needed to brush it off. I couldn't, but I had to pretend. I opened the bottle, dumping out three shiny purple pills. I told myself they helped me. But they didn't. I always felt the same.

I stared at one. Was this thing even actually doing anything for me? My therapist always said it did. But it never did. It made my mouth taste metallic. That's it. It didn't "balance the chemicals in my brain" or "make the depression more manageable."

I poured more of them into my hand. Well, that was a way I could try to find out if they did anything. By overdosing. That'd solve a lot of problems all at once. No, I had kids and a loving dog. My wife sucked ass though.

I poured the rest of the bottle onto my hand, watching the pills bounce off into the sink. Why did I always feel like I was missing something? I felt like there was another life I could've been having. Every night, I had these dreams of love and war. But in the dreams, the war and the violence almost felt.. Familiar. Peaceful, even. I could take down an entire army. But in real life, I was just some guy.

I could hear Juliet in the living room, talking to the kids. Why did I marry that woman? Why did I agree to raise her children with her? Her last man had left her with the kids. At first, I couldn't see why, but now I understood.

I shook my hand, listening to the pills. I looked back up at the mirror. I stared at the fading bruise around my eye. The scar on my neck, and the bandage on my arm. She never hit the kids, for which I was thankful. But she seemed to think of me as more of an object.

She often told me she only married me because the kids liked me. George, Sam, Clover, Percy and Orchid. I wished they had been born to a different mother. They never knew about our relationship. They thought we were their loving parents. Well, except for Clover and Percy. They were old enough to see her striking me in public, and to understand what was going on.

I truly didn't understand why I married her. I suppose I felt like that's what I was supposed to do as a man. Raise and support a family. Not live on his own, maybe with his partner and a pet. So I took whoever came along, to fill that void of worthlessness. Sadly, that person was Juliet.

Juliet said the abuse was her form of love. I couldn't make sense of it. Why would you hurt what you love? Wasn't love supposed to be gentle, and caring? I wished I could hug or cuddle her, cry into her shoulder as I stammered about my day, or even just have a nice dinner with her. But she always hit me whenever I tried. So I stopped.

In the first few months, people always said I was her Romeo. What a cruel joke. Romeo died because of Juliet. But at this rate, "Romeo" wouldn't be dying because he loved her.

Maybe I wasn't meant to love. Juliet was abusive. Forest got killed in front of me. Sarah went missing. And Z got raped, while I was bound and tied to watch. Next I knew, it would be the kids getting hurt. Everything I loved got damaged. Or damaged me.

Why was I like this? Why couldn't I be normal? I wished I could've gone back to Z, but he was far past the boundaries of sanity now. He understood me. I understood him. Fuck, he even still loved me. But we accepted that things couldn't stay. He got scared that he'd take his anger and fear out on me instead of on himself.

I'd rather take his pain than Juliets. He'd apologize and make it up to me. I'd refuse and tell him it wasn't his fault. Juliet hit me and make me believe I was in the wrong. She taught me quickly I wasn't meant to stand up for myself. No fighting back. Just take it like a man.

"Daaad! Daddy come see what I made!" George yelled from his room, across the house. Okay, that was a good reason to get out of my thoughts. I dumped the pills into the sink, using my hands to come back my hair. I put on a smile, leaving the room.

I never wanted the kids to be taken away from us. I didn't was our family to be seen as innocent children with horrible parents. I didn't want them to go through that judgement. I loved them. I really did. I'd give my life for them. But it was clear things weren't right here.

So what could I do? I wore a fake smile, nodded, and said everything was okay. I blamed the bruises on clumsiness. The black eyes on a rouge seatbelt. The cuts on self harm.

A few people stated figuring out the lies. These people were always the ones closest to me. People like Forest and Z. Even that one girl from the office. But I learned. I kept my friends at a safe distance. Close enough for them to like me, but far enough away to never learn anything about me.

I crossed the living room, stepping over papers. I skimmed my fingertips on the back of the couch. I counted the doors in the hallways, fixing my eyes on the one with a crayon drawing of a stick figure family.

I pressed on the open door, stepping inside to see whatever it is that George had made. He jumped up and down, proudly showing me his newly constructed Lego set. I did the dad thing. I told him it was the coolest thing, and asked him questions.

That's what my life was like. I was usually a background character, until I was needed. I stayed out of the way, but still present. I never dared take out my phone or laptop, as Juliet saw it as disrespectful. This left me to my thoughts, which was less than desirable.

I was sat in the bedroom, typing out my most recent dream for my therapist. I didn't want to tell him about them, but I accidentally let it slip once, and there I was. It was a wonder I wasn't in a mental hospital yet.

"Jason! Go make dinner! We're having Daniel over!" Juliet ordered from her bathroom. Her decision to make us use separate bathrooms confused me, but it definitely saved me from a lot of explanations. I didn't want her to see the pills I had recently dumbed in the sink. She'd start to realize my thread of mental stability was starting to fray.

Without a word, I closed the laptop and left to the kitchen. I started pulling out each spice, seasoning and tool I'd be using. Spaghetti and chicken. A simple meal, but they said I made it well. The one skill that made me a useful husband.

I'll spare you the rest. Simply, I made the meal, I set it on the table, Daniel arrived, everyone sat down and had a great time, and then Juliet announced a decision. She'd take the kids a few cities over for some trip for the week. When were the leaving? Immediately. Who the fuck does that?

Now I was alone in the house, with Daniel. "Man, how did we even get here?" He sprawled across one of the couches, watching TV. "Life's wild." I didn't have to pretend around him. Juliets cousin, and my childhood friend. He was a good man.

I put away the final dish, stepping towards the couch in front of me. I placed my hands on its back, staring out the glass wall of a window we had. A dark, clouded over sky. Right on cue, it started raining. It reminded me of.....

I stood in silence, reliving the memory. Daniel clicked off the TV, looking out the glass to see what I was staring at. My entire body ached as a reminder. I closed my eyes, lowering my head.

"It's one of those nights, hm?" He got up, walking over to join me. "They.. They've been more frequent." I admitted, immediately biting my tongue. I wasn't supposed to talk about it. "You haven't planned anything, have you?" He put an arm on my back, placing the other on the couch. I kept silent.

"I see. Well ah.. Apparently my brother's gotten into some shit again.. I know this ain't a good time to leave you alone but.. Don't do anything, okay?" He pulled the hand off my back, slowly heading for the door. I just nodded. That's what I always did. Nobody questioned a nod.

I imagined it. I imagined the entire process. Going to the elevator. Pressing the cold button to go to the roof. I'd make sure I was alone, then I'd step up to the ledge. It'd be easy. I'd done it three times before. I could easily do it.

But I didn't. Something stopped me. I felt like something was about to change. I felt like something was beginning. Maybe it was because I hadn't taken my pill that morning. But either way, I decided to simply go to bed. I had a week of freedom. I decided I'd start with getting a nice sleep.

I had an insanely vivid dream, to the point I could swear to you it was real. But it was just a dream. Right?

I felt wrong. Something wasn't right. I got up and got changed, well aware I wasn't going back to sleep. Nobody ever questioned what a man in a suit would be doing anywhere at any time.

I checked myself in the bathroom mirror, out of habit. The face in the mirror wasn't me. Brown and blonde hair flowed around her face. She wore a look of sadness, slowly applying her lipstick. Wait, that *was* me in the mirror. That was Chloe Rhys, trapped in her own body.

Why was my mirror showing me that? I stared down at my body. Perfectly masculine. My male-cut suit still fit perfectly. I ran a hand over my face. Yep, still had facial hair. I was a man. Why was the mirror showing me Chloe?

I picked up my hand, studying it. I brought it down on the mirror, flaring with pain. The mirror once again displayed me. What the fuck was happening to me? Was I going insane?

I felt every fight or flight instinct in my body activate. It chose fight. It chose fight? I couldn't do anything about it. My stance widened. I started feeling a bit dizzy.

I took myself to the kitchen, swiping a knife off the counter. I tucked it in a pocket, just in case. I went into the hallway. I needed to figure out what was going on. The dog whined at me, scratching at the closed door.

I started walking. Where was I even intending to go? My therapist? That wouldn't make sense. Maybe to work? I could probably get my bosses help. He was good at problem solving. No, he didn't need to know about this. I didn't know where Daniel was, so I couldn't get his help..

I was in the elevator, going to the first floor. I needed a plan, and now. Who could help me? Who wouldn't judge me? Z. He was problematic, but maybe he'd know what to do.

The elevator seemed to slow. My phone began to ring. I didn't remember grabbing it. Without even checking the number, I picked up. "Hello?" I greeted. "North. We haven't much time." A female voice told me from the other end of the line.

"Ughh.. How do you know my name?" I kneeled down, too unsteady to stand. "I know a lot of things about you. And I know that you need to get out of there. Stop the elevator." Her voice was stern and commanding, the only thing that felt real about the situation. "Wh- Why..?" I started seeing blurry symbols on the metal. I was definitely losing my mind.

"North, if this is going to work, you have to do as I instruct. Stop the elevator." The voice of a leader. "I can't.... I.. Ugh.." I tried to stand, to no success. In just a moment, the elevator dinged open. Immediately, I was rushed and grabbed by cops. My phone seemed to shatter on the ground as I dropped it.

...

"That's correct, Ms. Rhys. Step towards the table." He ordered from who knows where. I knew it'd be safer to keep my mouth shut, so why didn't I? "I'm a man, jackass." I was tired, scared and lightheaded. Can you blame me for being an asshole? "No need for the foul language, Ms. Rhys. You are merely a woman believing she is a man. You are not a man. Step towards the table." His voice was sweet, trying to mask the bitterness of his words.

"You can't make me do anything. I want a fucking phone call. As the wrongly accused, I have a right to one phone call. Go get me the phone!" I planted my feet in place, keeping my stance wide. Wow, I hadn't acted like this in a long time. It almost felt freeing.

"You are beginning to get on my nerves, Ms. Rhys. Up onto the table. Now." He started to raise his voice. "What's wrong, gettin' pissed that I know my rights, asshole?" I should've taken my cue to shut up, but I decided to keep testing my luck.

My mouth started feeling numb. Right away, the room filled with suited men, all looking agitated with me. They started grabbing at my wildly flailing limbs, slowly dragging me to the table. I tried to scream, only to discover my mouth was sealing itself off.

"This is what happens when you don't comply, Ms. Rhys." His voice echoed from somewhere in the crowd. They lifted me up, slamming me on the table. I looked to my left, terrified of the large cylindrical machine, covered in tubes with a glowing blue fluid. Helplessly, I tried to kick and fight at them.

They tore off my jacket and tie, lifting my shirt to expose my chest. I was going to die. It was as simple as that. I was going to die. The man who had been talking to me all this time parted the crowd, standing over me. "Goodnight, Ms. Rhys." He had said.

Nobody could hear my screams.

[ryosmne]

Calling out AOT simps.

Hey again, I did this last time with jjk, here's the aot version cause I felt like it, been pretty sick recently and bored out of my mind. This isn't ment to disrespect anyone, everything I say is meant as a joke and not to be taken to heart. I included the characters I already have an opinion on, idk maybe I'll expand the list. Anyways enjoy reading :>

Hange simps: Ok I see y'all, you're valid af, Henge is Hella hot but on a serious note how's your mental health doing? Carrying your friends issues isn't fun, pls take a break, have a cookie and sleep in fuzzy blankets you deserve it. They'd treat you like royalty, I can't roast you, congratulations on your choices. Either just as insanely upbeat as them or very relaxed and you need a person with a very upbeat personality to keep you leveled. 10/10 you're sweethearts and I've never seen an army of simps as hot and with different styles. Casual indie music enjoyer<3

Levi simps: You have attachment issues. There I said it. It's been like what? 9 years since the anime came out and you're still so down bad for this man ever since he baybladed his way into your heart. Most of y'all would drop every anime crush for him, he's top dog for you. Let's face it no one could get him to open up but I don't think you're ready for this conversation. Your family knows about Levi, your friends know about Levi, you're probably never letting him go. For that I'll say you're extremely loyal also you have unrealistic standards in dating. Pretty sure you're great cooks. You have low-key adapted his personality and you're badasses. Also valid 10/10 I think you like chill rnb, idk I can't read y'all.

Mikasa simps: You fell for her cause she's hella strong and gorgeous, she deserves the world and so do you, but for the love of God if I see another word about the unspeakable things you'd do with her menstrural products im coming for your internet connections. I'll skip the obvious need you have for her to beat you up, I love her too I'm down bad for her but I get my daily dose of grass touching, y'all should try it too. I hope you know she hasn't washed her scarf ever since eren gave it to her. 9/10 you need to chill, fucking mappa made us all feral. Dark clothes, You listen to mitski.

Eren simps: Welcome to group therapy, do you want to share something with the circle or shall I go first? :> You have extremely unhealthy habits. No you don't need more caffeine for today, I beg you have a sip of water and some fruit. You don't care if he destroyed everything on earth as long as you got destroyed by him too. You probably read a lot of modern au fics to escape the pain (don't be shy drop your recs in my comments pls, it's a need at this point). If you started the simping campaign in season four you probably simped for Levi before that. You now have a thing for long hair and man buns now. Dog person, alternative look idk I picture y'all with piercings and tattoos. You believe in traumatising people back, who am I to judge? How does it feel to have your entire simp list be villains? If mikasa simps need to touch grass y'all should probably go to a field and start chewing it up, you know what I'm talking about, I won't elaborate. 15/10 if you also simp for his Titan form, bmth enjoyer, if you don't know what music to play you go an Eren Jaeger playlist.

Reiner simps: Who hurt you? I'll just say it, daddy issues. You think you can be a therapist to him, probably give him comfort, you can't I'm sorry. I feel like he'd treat you ok, but please stop going after people who have issues it's not good for you. But I feel you he's so hot and troubled also honkers. You have a thing for big chested anime men, probably also a toji or Nanami simp, dare I say Yami? Can I be honest tho I really like y'all, you're chill and gorgeous with taste, I can ignore the mental health issues too cause this man is something else. 20/10 you give me grunge music vibes.

Armin: Smarty pants, you like control. I low-key think you're a bit crazy in a good way, you seem very calculated but lmao every decision you make is last minute :') you are very well spoken and seemingly calm. He'd treat you great I can't roast you at all, I'm sorry. 10/10 very good choice, let the rest of us burn, dark/light academia aesthetic, I think you get down to some K-pop.

Jean simps: People of culture, you're also cocky like him but not as hot headed. Another man that would give you the world, I also can't roast you, you make better decisions than I ever did in my life. MCU fan. You have a thing for side characters, I think you always like someone other than the MC. You have a thing for hands. 10/10 great street style looks, classic rock enjoyer.

Erwin: Unhealthy, he'd lead you to death just so he could see that basement. He's a crazy bastard, make better choices, you don't deserve to be eaten by titans. You have a thing for authority figures. -100/10 I picture y'all in sundresses and you'd look amazing, you deserve better.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 23 - Haunted Heart [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, lovers to enemies, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Coming home can cause issues.

Series Masterlist

                          SIX MONTHS LATER

You flipped the knife in your hand as the guy tied to the chair glared at you.

“You know,” you trailed off, “I’ve had a really shitty couple of months, Johnny- can I call you Johnny?”

“No.”

“Rude,” you commented, “Fine. John. I’ve had a really shitty couple of months so you really don’t want to try me right now. Just tell me where I can find your boss.”

“You’ll never find him you stupid bitch.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Since I’m going to kill you in a couple of minutes I feel like I can share some things with you,” you said, “My best friend says I keep everything bottled and I should talk about my feelings.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“See, that’s exactly how I feel!” you pointed at him, “Thank you. I mean, I feel angry at myself. I kind of fucked up with the man I love.”

“Jesus Christ, just kill me already.”

“I’m waiting for a text to do that Johnny,” you pointed out, waving your phone at him. “So, I tricked him and used him and threw him to wolves. And then Accords 2.0 didn’t pass and he has been pardoned once again, and he’s a free man now. I have a strong feeling that he’s not the ‘forgive and forget’ type of guy. You know, assassin to assassin.”

“You’re the chattiest assassin I’ve ever met.”

“Thank you, I’m trying to improve myself,” you said, “I mean what exactly should I do? I don’t even trust my agency at this point, my handler lied to me and I have been at this fucking place for six months now, hunting you down. Well, your boss but…”

“You’ll never find him.”

“We’ll see about that my friend,” you said, “So anyway, like what am I supposed to do? I lost the one guy I actually loved. How do you cope with that? Because drinking doesn’t work, sleeping with others doesn’t work…. Nothing seems to—“ you were cut off when your phone vibrated and you touched the screen to open the text message.

From: Julian

Go for it.

“Wait, no no no, I’ll talk—“

“Kind of too late,” you pointed the gun at him, “Nice to meet you Johnny.”

With that you pulled the trigger, silencer doing its job as there was no loud bang or anything. His body fell back with the impact, and you heaved a sigh.

“Maybe I need a therapist I can’t kill,” you mumbled and walked out of the warehouse to approach the car before opening the door to the passenger seat to get in.

“Is it done?” Julian asked and you nodded, rubbing at your eyes.

“Yep.”

“Are you hungry?”

You made a face, “Just because the General sent you here does not mean we’re going to become buddies.”

“I’m not trying to become buddies with you,” Julian stated, “I just want to eat fries and there’s a two for one deal.”

You eyed him up and down.

“Fine, I could eat fries.” You leaned back in the seat as he started driving, keeping your eyes on the road. Soon enough, you reached the city center and Julian got fries from a food truck, then sat across from you.

“So,” he said, “You do realize this whole thing would’ve been over by now if we actually worked together?”

“I’m not going on the field with you.”

“The General sent me here to help you.”

You dipped the fry into sauce, then popped it into your mouth, “You can help me by pretending you’re not here.”

“Y/N.”

“You know what they say Julian. Fool me once…”

“Don’t tell me you’re still holding that grudge.”

“You mean when you left me behind to die on the last mission we were together?” you asked back, “That grudge?”

“I told you—“

“I’m not going to talk about that with you,” you cut him off, “And I work better alone. Who told you we could waste the guy by the way?”

“The General.”

You grabbed the salt shaker to pour some salt on the fries, causing Julian to make a face.

“Are you kidding me? That was salty enough-“

“Why did he not text me?”

“No idea. Maybe he’s avoiding you because he promised you handler and here you are. Field spy.”

Your jaw clenched.

Or maybe he’s avoiding me because he fucking lied to me.

You had to give it to him, it was the perfect plan. The moment he had suspected you were getting too close to Bucky, he had come up with the one thing he knew that would make you switch sides.

And that-

That was below the belt yes, but that was also masterly.

But at the end of the day, you barely had two people to trust in the entire world, and you seriously doubted you could ever forgive the General for what he had done. You knew he held duty above all, above family and surely above you, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

You shook your head at yourself and grabbed another piece of fry.

“So um…” Julian shifted his weight, “Are you okay?”

You shot him a glare, arching a brow, “Peachy.”

“No I mean… About Barnes.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This whole Accords 2.0 failure, there’s no way we could go after him again.”

“I don’t want to go after him again.”

“You don’t want revenge?”

That made you straighten up your back and you put the fry down, “And why exactly would I want revenge?”

That made Julian fall silent and you nibbled on your lip.

“What exactly did the General tell you before you came here?”

“That there was a job here.”

“Bullshit,” you replied way too quickly, “Did he send you here to be my babysitter? He thinks I’ll go after Barnes myself is that it? That’s why they sent you here months after I left the country but right after Accords 2.0 didn’t pass.”

Julian licked his lips.

“Listen, the agency wants to keep you safe—“ he started but then his phone beeped. He grabbed it to take aa look at the screen, then cussed under his breath.

“What?”

“Check your texts.”

You touched the screen and frowned as your eyes skimmed the text.

From: General

Time to come home.

“Well,” you muttered, your heart dropping to your stomach, “Shit.”

                                                   ***

Coming back home was harder than ever now. After catching up with Keith and Chloe, you were taken to your new apartment that was given to you by the agency as usual, and for the whole night you couldn’t sleep.

Even if there was no trace of Bucky in your new apartment –in your new life, you still couldn’t shake off this feeling. It was as if the moment you had entered the country, Bucky had entered your life in an instant.

Odds were, you wouldn’t really see him again. After all it was a big city, and Bucky wasn’t exactly the social type.

So your first week back in New York wasn’t exactly terrible. You were still waiting for your orders while getting to know to the city slowly, because after long missions it always took time for you to remember you had a real life there, real memories—

Well, as real as it could be, for a spy.

“Just see it as a vacation,” Chloe had said, “They threw you into another mission as soon as you got out of the country, it’s just a delayed vacation.”

As far as vacations went though, this one just sucked.

Maybe it was because you couldn’t keep away from places you and Bucky had been too, like this coffee place where you had first officially met.

You sipped your coffee, scrolling down on the news website as your eyes skimmed yet another article about Accords and whether you could trust superheroes or not, but you were soon distracted when someone pulled the seat across from you, making you look up from your phone.

And as soon as you did, your heart dropped.

You had to give it to the General, he was manipulative, he was a liar and he had betrayed your trust terribly but the one thing he had done right was training you well. Aside from that one second, you managed to adapt a look of nonchalance on your face, slowly putting your phone down.

“Hello Cap.”

Sam raised his brows and eyed you up and down.

“You’re back?”

You could swear he could hear your heartbeat and you shrugged your shoulders, looking around.

“Yeah,” you said, “Big apple and everything.”

“So much for the small town girl.”

“I have never been a small town girl,” you drawled, “Never been to Oregon either.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

You turned your coffee cup on the table just so you could do something with your hands.

“Why?” he asked after a beat and you shifted your weight despite your whole training of feeling calm and collected, nervousness hitting you out of nowhere.

“You’re a veteran, Wilson,” you managed to say, “You don’t need me to tell you how the chain of command works. Army doesn’t care how we feel about orders.”

“I’m very familiar with how chain of command works,” he pointed out, “But you’re not a soldier, Y/N. You’re a spy.”

“That makes it even worse,” you stated, “I know it sounds like an excuse, but… you don’t know how my agency works. I don’t get to say no to orders, and I sure as hell don’t get to blow my own cover.”

“But you wanted to, didn’t you?”

Jesus Christ, Wilson was really good at this observation thing.

“Doesn’t matter what I want,” you said, “I’m no use to anyone if I develop a conscience.”

“But you did,” he insisted, “Why else would you come to help us? Why else would you warn him beforehand?”

“He told you about that?”

He shot you a look, “What do you think, Y/N?”

You scoffed a laughter. “I was feeling generous,” you said, “No other reason.”

He kept his gaze on you for a couple of seconds, as if trying to see whether you would cave before he took a deep breath.

“You know he was going to propose, right?”

That-

That was just too much. You could feel your jaw hanging as you stared at him in complete silence, his words echoing in your ears.

“No,” you said after a moment, then shook your head fervently, your nose in the air, “No you’re wrong.”

“I’m not,” Sam said, “Apparently he was looking for this… house painted in white with—a red door or something.”

Don’t cry.

Do not fucking cry.

Spies don’t cry over heartbreak.

You clenched your jaw and blinked back the tears, straightening your back.

“It’s a good thing he didn’t get to, then.”

“Y/N, he loved you.”

“No Sam, he loved someone who doesn’t exist,” you replied, “Sweet small town girl with sundresses and smiles and some house in the suburbs with kids and all that shit. Girls like me don’t get that ending, I have way too much blood on my hands.”

He pressed his lips together and you cleared your throat.

“How much does he hate me?”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“Assassins aren’t good at forgiving,” you said, “I would know, we don’t have that talent.”

“That’s not a talent, that’s a choice.”

“It really isn’t,” you muttered, “So?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

You let out a bitter laugh, “Yeah no. Actions have consequences and I’d rather not cross paths with the deadliest assassin in the world after double crossing him.”

“But you want him to forgive you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Intuition,” he said and pushed his chair back to stand up.

“He didn’t kill your father, Y/N.”

You heaved a sigh.

“I know,” you said, “Trust me, I would’ve walked away so much easier if he had.”

“Enjoy your coffee,” he said and walked out of the coffee house. You threw your head back, closing your eyes.

“Yep. I shouldn’t have come back.”

                                                  ***

“I never thought I’d say this, but I kind of hate that we’re not living so close anymore,” you pressed the phone between your shoulder and your ear and opened the door to your apartment as Keith chuckled.

“I knew you’d miss me.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re a softie deep inside. Very very deep inside.”

“If you repeat that in front of anyone I swear to God…” you muttered and he groaned.

“Have I told you they’re putting me in the same team as Julian?”

“You guys have a new mission?”

“Not a long one probably.”

“Why the fuck am I—“

“Because you’re on a vacation,” he cut you off, “And also they’re probably going to make you a handler, that’s worth waiting for.”

“That or….”

“We’re not talking about that on the phone,” Keith said quickly, “Amateur.”

“Careful there, I’ll outrank you soon enough,” you said, walking to the bathroom to wash your hands. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright, see you later!” he said and hung up. You put your phone into your pocket, then washed your hands and made your way to the kitchen.

It was only when you put the wine bottle back into the fridge that you noticed something was off. Your body moved on its own accord, before you knew it you had already grabbed the knife in your boots and threw it to the figure in the dark corner of the room but he easily caught it, metal hitting what sounded like another kind of metal before he stepped out of the corner. Your breath caught in your throat, and for the first time in your life you froze, all the training leaving your mind.

You were supposed to be looking for a weapon, any kind of weapon but somehow, your body refused to move.

Bucky turned your knife in his hands, his gaze pinning you to your spot before he tilted his head.

“Hi honey,” he said, his voice way too cold. “I’m home.”

Chapter 24

[middleearthpixie]

Brilliant Disguise ~ Chapter Twenty-Two

Summary: Speech therapist Josephine Asharm has been brought into Erebor to work with Bifur, but trying to find her place among people who eye her suspiciously would be difficult enough under normal circumstances, but when Sophie finds herself caught between the king, his most trusted lieutenant, and the dwarf she’s there to help? She’s certain no good can come of it. Being of Man, not only does she stand out in the dwarf kingdom, she’s not entirely certain she’s actually welcome there at all. 

Thorin only agreed to allow Sophie to live amongst them out of a sense of duty to Bifur, who is recovering from an odd head injury (is there any other way to describe having an axe blade lodged in one’s head, only to have it later dislodged during the Battle of the Five Armies?) Before the battle, he spoke only khuzdul. But since it? He’s regained the ability to speak Westron—if only he could but remember any of it. As for Thorin? He’s trying his damndest to ignore the speech therapist, not to mention his own growing feelings for her, even as he is also recovering from his near fatal wounding in the same battle. 

Both Sophie and Thorin are haunted by their pasts and are uncertain of their futures, but sometimes, chances must be taken…  

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x OFC Josephine (Sophie) Asharm 

Warnings: None 

Rating: T

Word Count: 4k

Tag List:  @mrsdurin @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @arrthurpendragon @exhausted-humxn-being @rachel1959 @laurfilijames @sketch-mer-6195 @sherala007 @enchantzz @knittastically @notlostgnome @myselfandfantasy @medusas-hairband @guardianofrivendell @jotink78 @sorisooyaa @ruthoakenshield @frosticenow @quiall321 @dianakc @msjava1972 @buckybarnes-thorin @glassgulls @evenstaredits @heilith @asgardianhobbit98 @albionscastle @absentmindeduniverse @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here.

Dwalin scowled. “This is a waste of time.”

“We’ve been here but ten minutes,” Thorin told him with a scowl of his own, “so relax a bit, won’t you?”

Dwalin’s scowl deepened as he reached for his tankard to lift to his lips. “I see neither hide nor hair of our new friend, Jora, either.”

Impatience kinked Thorin’s gut, mingling with the sour burn of disappointment. He also had seen no sign of the street lad since they set foot inside Lucy’s. He tried not to think about it, however, as he lifted his own tankard for a long swallow of hearty stout. It hit his stomach with a hint of warmth, a welcomed warmth, indeed, as the pub was a bit drafty and the air held the promise of snow. 

“Thorin, we need—”

Thorin sat up straight. “There he is. Come.”

“What?”

“Jora. Along the back wall.” Thorin pushed back his chair to rise. “Are you coming with me or not?”

“Of course.” Wood scraped as Dwalin shoved away from the table and Thorin winced as in his haste, Dwalin then proceeded to bump the table and sent his water goblet crashing onto its side. 

Jora hung in the shadows along the back wall, waving an impatient hand toward them. Rolling his eyes as Dwalin threw his napkin over the puddle spreading across the tablecloth, Thorin said, “Just follow me when you’ve finished wrecking the table.”

“Blasted uneven table,” Dwalin grumbled, grabbing Thorin’s discarded napkin as well to mop up the spilled water.

Thorin skirted the table and ignored the curious stares of the other patrons as he wove through the tables to the lad in the back of the room. “I was wondering if you’d lit out.”

Jora didn't look at all fazed by Thorin’s irritation. “Some of us are workin’, you know. Now, do you want me to take you to him or not?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Come with me and I’ll show you.” Jora turned back toward the dining room, where a serving girl had joined Dwalin and Thorin was rather sure she was flirting with him instead of helping him clean up. Jora broke into his reverie. “Is your man coming or not?”

As if he’d heard them, Dwalin looked over in their direction and bobbed his head when Thorin gestured for him to join them. “He is.”  

The serving girl looked fairly crestfallen as Dwalin excused himself and joined them. “Sorry.”

“You can come back another night and sweet talk her,” Thorin told him with no little impatience. “Unless you’d rather just remain here and I’ll go alone.”

“Ye’ll do no such thing,” Dwalin growled. “Let’s go.”

“Quiet,” Jora growled, although his voice was only just barely above a whisper. “If he hears anyone coming, I’ve no doubt he’ll run.”

“Why?” 

“Because he’s sneaky that way.” Jora gestured for them to follow him along a dark, narrow corridor, past the kitchens, to the rear door, leading them out into the narrow alleyway behind the pub.

A hint of apprehension twisted Thorin’s gut. He didn't know this boy and for all he knew, Jora was about to lead him into a trap of some sort. 

A sidelong glance at Dwalin showed the same apprehension on his lieutenant’s face as well, which did nothing to ease the discomfort bubbling in the pit of his belly. Without thinking, he reached down to rest his hand on the Orcrist’s grips. 

Thick clouds blotted out any hint of moonlight, the air cold and heavy with the scent of snow. The first flakes fell as Jora led them toward the east side of Dale, overlooking the Long Lake. The stone buildings rose three stories on either side of the alley, with shops below and flats above and as they moved further away from the center of Dale, the buildings looked more rundown and sketchy. Somehow, Thorin wasn't at all surprised Sten Asharm would be hiding down here, like a rat in a hole. He’d expect no less.

“Quiet, now,” Jora whispered, and Thorin jumped as the boy grabbed him by the wrist. “He’s the last door on the right.”

Thorin glanced down at the thin hand that was like an iron band about his forearm, and then back up at the lad. “Take your hand from me.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jora let go and then gestured with his thumb to a door with peeling black paint. “That’s his flat there. You want I should bring him out?”

Dwalin’s hand came to rest on Thorin’s shoulder. “Should we do that or should we take him by surprise?”

“Bring him out. I’d rather face him on more neutral ground.”

“I’ll get him for you.” Jora stepped up and without waiting for them, rapped firmly on the door.

Thorin stepped back, his heart unexpectedly speeding up and his belly filling with apprehensive knots. He really hadn’t thought about what he’d do, once he came face to face with Sten. Especially since this wasn't how he thought it would happen. Somehow, he’d thought that when he tracked Sten down, it would be at the end of a dark alley like this, but that Sten would be quaking in fear from having been chased down. 

“I don't like this,” Dwalin told him under his breath, sidling up to him.

“I don’t, either,” Thorin admitted.

The door opened then and his gut kinked sharply at the low rumbling voice that growled, “Who goes?”

“It’s me, Mr. Asharm. You got a minute?”

A low sigh. “What do you want?”

“You got visitors.”

Thorin tightened his fingers about Orcrist. The flutters calmed and his heartbeat returned to normal as Jora stepped back and Thorin found himself face to face with Sten Asharm.

Pale eyes widened in surprise and before Thorin had the chance to draw his sword, a bright white flash exploded inside his skull and a thick blackness screamed toward him.

“Thorin?”

Dwalin’s voice, heavy with concern, slit through the thick, almost cottony fog that enveloped Thorin’s head. Pain pulsed through his temples and his left cheek felt damp. He slowly opened his eyes, and immediately regretted it as the pain that sliced through his head was on par with the pain that had accompanied Azog the Defiler’s blade when it slit through his belly on the ice floe at Ravenhill. 

“Ohhh…” It was the only sound he could muster, and even so, he winced and screwed his eyes shut once more. 

“Can ye at least sit up?”

“Dwalin, I might just die if I attempt it.”

“Try.”

Swallowing hard, Thorin slowly sat. A fine layer of snow covered everything, including him,  and there was no sign of the boy or Asharm. Rubbing his forehead with one hand, Thorin swallowed hard again and managed to mutter, “Do I want to know what happened?”

“He must’ve suspected that whelp was up to something, fer Asharm had something in his hand. He swung it so fast, I didn't even see what it was. I just heard the thunk, saw you drop, and—”

“He and Jora are gone.”

 “I see that whelp again, and I’ll turn him inside out fer his trouble.”

“Not if I see him first.” Thorin winced at the sharp pains slicing through his head with each beat of his heart. “Did you at least give chase?”

“No, I didn’t give chase. Are ye mad, laddie? I wasn't about to leave ye unconscious in an alleyway.” Dwalin crouched and caught him at the elbow. “Let’s get ye back and have Narnerra take a look. Yer bleedin’.”

Thorin probed at the dampness along his temple, hissing softly as his fingertips brushed the cut just above his left eye. He drew his hand away to see the blood smearing his fingers and a hint of nausea turned his belly. “And how do I explain this?”

“We’ll think of somethin’. Come. It won’t be long before we’re freezing our arses off out here.”

As if nature listened in on their conversation, a frigid wind swirled down through the alley. Much as he wanted to go in search of both Jora and Asharm and let them both know what he thought of their actions, his head was about to split in two and to be honest? He wanted only to have Sophie fuss over him for a while. 

They didn't speak much as they made their way back to Erebor, and as he stood outside the door to her flat, he hesitated. It was nearly ten at night and he didn't wish to wake Heather. 

Still, his head ached and he was exhausted and had no desire to sleep alone, and so he gently rapped on the door. 

“Who goes?”

He smiled at the sound of her voice. “It’s me, Sophie.”

“Who’s me?”

“Sophie.”

“Thorin? Is that you?” She tugged open the door and her smile melted as her gaze fell on him. “What happened?”

“I found Sten.”

Her eyes went almost perfectly round. “What?”

He nodded. “I found him. But, he was ready for me. But, you needn’t worry. Narnerra said I will be fine in a few days.”

“Thorin, you’re bleeding!”

“Again?” He reached up to press his fingers against the bandage Narnerra had laid over the cut where Asharm’s cudgel had split his skin against bone. “She said head wounds bleed and that it should also stop before much longer.”

Instead of the sympathy he thought he’d get, Sophie rolled her eyes at him and caught him by the elbow to tug him into the flat. “Take care, mesmel,” he said softly. “I’ve the worst headache I’ve had in years.”

“Well, I beg your pardon, of course. But what were you thinking, going off to find Sten on your own? Why didn't you take anyone with you?”

He winced as the closing door’s clang reverberated within his skull. “Please, take care… it’s like having the worst hangover ever.”

“Sorry.” She took his arm again and steered him toward her bedchamber. “But, I am curious.”

“I did take someone with me. For all the good it did.” He draped his arm about her shoulders, then bent to brush her temple with a kiss. “But, I know where to find him now and—”

“And you think he will remain there?”

He sighed softly. “No,” he replied, shaking his head slowly, “I don’t. But, I know he’s here and that Heather saw exactly who she thought she saw.”

It might have been only his imagination, but Thorin thought her arm tightened about his waist. “So, he’s in Dale, then?”

He nodded. “And do not even think about going and confronting him yourself.”

“I am not nearly mad enough to do such a thing.”

“Good.” 

He slipped away from her as they crossed the threshold into her bedchamber, and he sighed softly, propping Orcrist in the corner alongside what he’d come to think of as his side of the bed. Then, with a heavier, far more grateful sigh, he sank onto the edge of the bed. “I hope you do not mind my calling so late.”

“Of course I don’t. I’m only thankful you didn't wake Heather.”

“Had I, I’d have gotten her back to sleep.”

Sophie came around to his side, crouching before him. “I have no doubt at all that you’d do just that. You seem to have the touch where she is concerned.”

“I have come to care for her, to think of her almost as my own, as I’ve said. And when this is over and you and I are free to marry, I would like to officially make her my daughter. That is, if you have no objection.”

“No,” she shook her head, her smile soft and wide, “I have no objection. If you’re certain, that is.”

Without thinking, he reached down to curve his hand against her cheek, the pain in his head, the aches in his body forgotten. “I am indeed certain, mesmel. I do not ever want her thinking she is less my daughter than any other daughters—or sons—you and I might have.”

“Thorin?”

“For I want children with you, Sophie. And not only because I enjoy the way one goes about getting them, either.”

It was a bit of a risk, but her smile widened and her hand came to rest on his knee. “As do I, Your Majesty.”

He caught her hand and gave a gentle tug to draw her in to meet his kiss. She melted against him, sliding an arm about his neck, her fingers threading through his hair, and in that moment, every last ache and pain ceased to be in his body.

****

He was being watched.

Thorin opened his eyes just enough to peer through the fringe of his lashes to see Heather standing alongside the bed, her elbows resting on the mattress, her chin propped on her fists. He bit back a smile as he let out a loud snore and she giggled in return.

He snored again, this time stretching as far as his arms would reach and flopped over onto his back. This time, she giggled and said, “Are you a bear, Mister Thorin?”

Although holding back his smile was difficult, he managed, and let out another snort, this one louder still. 

Heather growled right back, slamming her hands against the bed in her enthusiasm, which made smothering his laughter even more difficult. He remained as still as he could, almost holding his breath as she gave the bed a gentle shake. “Mister Thorin?”

He cracked one eye. “Rawr.”

“Rawr.”

“Rawr.”

She let out a silvery laugh and stood straight. “I know you’re awake, Mister Thorin.”

“I am awake now.” 

He opened his eyes all the way and instantly regretted his words when he saw her visibly shrink before him. Casting her gaze at the floor, she shuffled her feet and murmured, “I’m sorry, Mister Thorin. I didn't mean to wake you.”

Rising onto his elbow, he shook his head. “No, raklûna, you didn't wake me and you’ve done nothing wrong, so you needn’t be sorry.”

When she didn't lift her head, he reacted for her, gently catching her beneath the chin to tilt her face up. “Miss Heather, look at me.”

She slowly obeyed, her eyes wide and shadowed with a fear that broke his heart. Letting his thumb slip along her jaw, he shook his head again. “You did nothing wrong, uzbadnâtha. I promise you, you didn’t.” 

“I woke you.” She jerked back, out of reach. “I’m so sorry.”

“Heather,” he sat up then, and held out his hand, “come here, won’t you? I promise you, I’ll not yell at you.”

Her eyes went wider still at his splayed hand, then she looked up at him. “I’m sorry…”

“Raklûna,” he lowered his voice into the most soothing pitch he could manage, “I promise you, you are safe and you are not in trouble. Please, give me your hand.”

Her bottom lip trembled but she carefully laid her palm against his. Gently, he closed his fingers about hers and drew her closer. “It’s all right, Miss Heather. I promise you, it is.”

He caught her beneath the arms then, lifting her onto the bed alongside him and smoothed her tangled back curls away from her face. “I am not angry with you, raklûna. I promise you I’m not. And even if I was—which I’m not—I would never raise my hand to you. I give you my word on that.”

She stared up at him with wide, shimmering eyes and he couldn't believe how much the sight of those gathering tears troubled him. The last thing he wanted was her to be afraid of him. With that in mind, he offered up a smile. “Do I look angry?”

“No.”

“Do I sound angry?”

“No.”

“Because I’m not and you didn't wake me. I was already awake and just pretending to be asleep.”

“You were?”

He nodded. “I was. If anything, I should apologize to you for making you think you did wake me.”

“My papa used to get angry when I woke him,” Heather told him softly, glancing up at him as if to gauge his response. “He didn't like it when I made noise and I always made a lot of noise.”

“I am not going to get angry over that and I find it hard to believe a tiny thing such as you can make much noise at all. Maybe if you and Gimli were together and racing about, you might, but on your own? I highly doubt it.”

“You won’t yell at me?”

“I won’t yell at you.”

“Thorin? Is everything all right?”

He looked up at Sophie, standing in the doorway, and nodded. “Everything is fine.” He smiled down at Heather. “Isn’t it, Miss Heather?”

She nodded. “I woke Mister Thorin but he was pretending to be a bear so I didn't really wake him at all.”

Sophie chuckled. “Why don't you let Mister Thorin be, love? You need to get washed and dressed so I can take you down to Miss Oakmane’s.”

Heather nodded, then looked back at him and to his surprise, threw her arms about his neck. “I love you, Mister Thorin…”

Those words, uttered with such soft emotion, hit him harder than any foe ever could and he folded her into his arms and whispered, “I love you, too, uzbadnâtha…”

She leaned away from him. “What does that mean?”

He smiled. “Princess.”

“I like that.” She offered up a pearly smile, planted an unexpected kiss upon his cheek, and then climbed down to scamper from the room.

He looked up at Sophie. “I was not expecting that.”

“Her coming in here?” She pushed away from the doorjamb and crossed over to sink onto the edge of the bed.

“No, her words.” He glanced back at the doorway. “I didn’t mean to frighten her. I was but trying to play. I didn't stop to think she would think me angry with her.”

“It’s all right, Thorin.” Her hand came to rest atop his and she gave his a gentle squeeze. “She shouldn’t have been in here to begin with.”

“I don't mind that. And I want to make certain she knows she never need fear me.”

“She will in time. Worry not, Thorin. She knows and eventually, she will forget she ever thought she needed to be afraid.”

“I do hope so.”

“She will.” She gave his hand another squeeze. “Now, why don't I see her down to Miss Oakmane’s and give you a chance to wash and dress and then perhaps we can go into Dale.”

“Go into Dale for what?”

“To find Sten.”

His gut kinked and he shook his head. “You are not getting anywhere near that alleyway, Sophie. My head still aches from my dealings with Sten. I’ll not have him do the same—or worse—to you.”

“Thorin, I want to see him with my own eyes. And there are a few things I’d like to say to him, as well.”

“Absolutely not.” He threw back the quilts and reached for his trousers, hurriedly slipping into them in case Heather returned. “I will deal with him. You needn’t worry about it.”

“Needn’t worry about it?” She folded her arms and offered up a long look. “I’m not asking you, you know. I am going and you can either come with me or I will go alone, but either way, I am confronting him.”

He didn't trouble to hold back his irritated sigh. It wasn’t his place to forbid her, not to mention it would obviously do no good to even attempt to do so, and yet he wasn't at all comfortable with the notion of her being anywhere near Sten Asharm.

Still, he also had come to know Sophie well enough to know that she would do just as she said and he also knew that she had every right to want to face Sten as well. “Sophie—”

“I know what you’re going to say,” she interrupted softly, rising from the bed to slowly pace around it. “But, I want him to know exactly what his actions caused, and to ask him why he thought nothing of treating us both the way he did.”

“Think you it will do any good?”

She let out a soft, somewhat shaky sigh. “I don't know. And I know I should just let it go, to just let the past lie and to look to the future, but at the same time… I just want to know why he hated us so much.”

He stepped in front of her, catching her by the shoulders. “Will it change anything for you?”

She lifted eyes of swirling pewter to his. “No, of course not. But, I just want to see if he’d even have the courage to answer me truthfully.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“I’m no worse off than I am now.”

“And if he does?”

“It might stop the question of why I wasn't good enough for him.”

“Not good enough—” Irritation flared in his gut. “You are good enough, you are too good for him. I wish I could make you understand that.” He released her shoulders to catch her face in his hands. “He isn’t fit for you to wipe your boots on, mesmel. Don’t you see that?”

“Thorin—”

“You’ve won the heart of a king, remember. And kings are notoriously choosy about their queens.”

“Thorin.”

Her expression was stern, but he saw the corners of her lips twitch. “We are.”

“Thorin.”

He smiled at the heavy sigh woven through that one word. “We will face him together, then.”

It was her turn to sigh as she slowly nodded. “Very well. Together.”

“Good.” He bent to brush her lips with his, then drew back. “I need to go and see Narnerra to change this bandage, but if you’re free later, we can go up to Dale then.”

She nodded. “I have nothing going on today, so that works.”

“Go and take Heather to Miss Oakmane and I will meet you by the front gate in an hour.”

“You aren’t going to leave without me, are you?”

“Sophie, I would never be so underhanded.”

“Thorin.”

“I won’t. I promise.” He brushed her lips with his once more. 

“Mama?” Heather rounded the corner and halted in her tracks. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

Both he and Sophie broke out laughing at the horror in her voice and Sophie turned toward her. “There is nothing to be sorry for, sweetling. Are you ready to go to Miss Oakmane’s?”

Heather nodded, her curls bouncing merrily. “I am, Mama. Mister Thorin, will you be here later?”

“I don’t know yet, raklûna. I have a busy day ahead of me.”

“Well, if you do, I promise I won’t wake you again.” 

“Miss Heather,” he skirted Sophie to scoop Heather up, “as long as you don't pounce on me when I’m asleep, I care not about you waking me. Do you understand?”

Her forehead wrinkled. “Pounce?”

“Jump on me without warning. I only ask you do not do that.”

She offered up a solemn nod. “I won’t.”

“Good. Now, you go and have fun and I will see you at supper.” He bent to set her on her feet, then turned to Sophie. “And I’ll see you in an hour or so.”

“Yes, you will.”

Another quick kiss, which made Heather giggle, and then they parted ways, with Sophie and Heather going to Miss Oakmane’s while Thorin made his way to his own flat. He had no intention of allowing her anywhere near Dale, no matter how furious it made her. He was also not about to let Asharm get anywhere near her, and while she’d be furious with him, he’d deal with that later. 

Keeping her and Heather safe was the only thing that mattered and in order to do that, he had to make sure Sten Asharm no longer walked amongst them. 

[inawickedlittletown]

Queerbaiting and Buddie

(word count: 1,900)

I keep saying that I don’t want to spend any more time on 9-1-1 meta or fic, but the events of this weekend made me open up a document where I had some unfinished meta and in light of the S4 finale airing tonight, I thought I might at least write this: 

“Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ representation. They do so to attract a queer or straight ally audience with the suggestion of relationships or characters that appeal to them, while at the same time attempting to avoid alienating other consumers.” 

That is how Wikipedia defines queerbaiting. And I really feel like everyone needs to read that and then read it again and realize that what is happening on 9-1-1 with Buddie is NOT queerbaiting. 

I don’t want to go into the long history of queerbaiting because we would be here all day and anyone that wants to do some research should go and do so. There are a lot of resources out there. Use them. 

But the short of it is this: queerbaiting has a lot more to do with the way a show is promoted, with the way that anyone involved in the show talks about a queer ship, and with the show deliberately scripting scenes that hint at a relationship without any intention of following through. Expectations and wanting a queer ship to go canon and those expectations not being met do not alone equate to it being queerbaiting. 

For any of us that have been around a long time there are a lot of perfect examples and if you compare Buddie to any of them, they are very different. I’ll name a few:

Merlin/Arthur

John Watson/Sherlock

Emma Swan/Regina

Derek/Stiles

Castiel/Dean Winchester (though they did go canon...barely)

Lena/Kara

Buck and Eddie do not fit into that list. Which isn’t to say that someday they could belong there, but I just do not believe that they will even if Buddie never becomes canon. And this all lies in how Buddie as a ship has been treated both on screen and off. I’ll break it down by season. 

S2: 

Eddie is very clearly introduced as a new character, a straight Army veteran with a disabled kid and family drama. He and Buck have immediate chemistry. We can’t deny that, or deny that from that first episode there are immediate sparks. Unintended sparks, but sparks nevertheless. And it is easy to tell that no one on the production team expected that and the story reflects that. 

Yes a foundation for their friendship is formed and yet the season long story focuses on Eddie’s relationship with his estranged wife and Buck is dealing with his own growth after being left by Abby. Their friendship shines and their scenes are great but none of them suggest romance and there are actually a lot of episodes where Buck and Eddie barely interact in S2 aside from in the background or for small work related moments (this mostly happens after Shannon returns). 

S2 does give us the first acknowledgement from the powers that be aka Tim Minear that they know what the fans have seen. This is why the elf scene exists, but it exists in a space where it’s a nod to the fans and not meant to do much more than that. The other moment is during the call with the livestreamer. But S2, places them completely and without question on a strong friendship. 

S3: 

We see a lot more conflict for Buck and Eddie in this season and we see how close and important they are to each other. Those are the two main things. That can be read as friendship easily and it’s a season where both Buck and Eddie deal with their pasts and in one way or another start to get closure while their friendship remains intact. 

Yes there are some scenes that make us squint and go huh, wtf? (I’m looking at you kitchen scene), but narratively we also know that neither of these boys is ready for a real relationship with anyone, let alone each other. But we can bask in how close they are as well as how Christopher fits in into all of it. 

But in S3 we are also introduced to Ana and we see the return of Abby. We also get to see that Buck and Eddie have become closer than ever and that the lawsuit only serves to highlight the importance that they both feel about having the other available to them. I’ll also quickly mention that Eddie Begins worked hard to highlight Buck’s devotion to Eddie. 

S4: 

Without considering the events of the finale (I am avoiding spoilers and know nothing about it or the speculation), we’ve seen Buck and Eddie both grow and get further closure on their past. This season has paralleled them well and their friendship has not faltered, they’re as close as ever. 

The beginning of the season was heavily focused on Buck and we saw him grow as a person and begin to work on himself in a healthy way and we’ve seen Eddie be supportive of that. 

We also have Ana to consider and her relationship with Eddie as well as the return of Taylor and yet the appearance of these women has not changed the Buck and Eddie dynamic. And I find it fascinating that Eddie beginning to date Ana, is the thing that prompted Buck to start dating. The parallels are all over the place but it is the strength of the friendship and the way they care so deeply about each other that remains whether that becomes romantic is still to be seen, but it could still go either way.  

Off-screen by the end of S2, Tim Minear had already addressed Buddie by throwing in that elf scene in a wink/nudge fashion that said “I see you” and in the scene with the girl with the livestream with the comments. During S3 he tweeted about being frustrated by the fans demanding and being hostile and thinking that that would make him more likely to do what they want (I’m paraphrasing what I remember seeing). Tim has never once said that Buddie will happen or shut the door on the ship entirely, but he did say he did not want to engage in conversation about it because he doesn’t want to get into arguments with fans. 

Oliver has always been enthusiastic about Buddie and has even said that he would be perfectly fine with it happening both a while ago and more recently in promo for S4. Conscious of queerbaiting and not wanting to give fans false hope, he has specifically said that he does not know if it will or won’t happen and that he wouldn’t speak on that as he’s not the one making that decision. His support for it happening does not mean he has any sway one way or the other. He’s said this a few times and even wrote a letter to the effect to make it clear to fans that the last thing he wants is to disappoint someone due to something he’s said. 

All in all, it just isn’t a constructive environment for anyone working on the show to interact with fans on this topic because any time that they do, they get attacked by overly enthusiastic buddie shippers that in many ways are making everything worse. 

In all of the interviews from Tim that I’ve seen, he has always been very quick to hint at what was coming up on the show in a way that at times has been misleading on purpose. The number one thing that comes to mind is early in S4 where Buck was said to get a new woman in his life. Tim absolutely made it out to seem like it was a girlfriend while knowing fully well that it was a therapist. This is an excellent example of what promoting and hinting is actually like. No one from this show has done that in regards to Buddie. 

No one has gone out of their way to hint that it may happen in a way that excites the fans. And this is one of my main reasons for knowing that Buddie is not a queerbait. At no point in the life of the show so far has anyone used Buddie in a promotional way to bring in viewers. Because THAT was the whole point of queerbaiting in the past. 

It was a way that some showrunners found to bring in a lot of viewers when they needed to up their numbers in order to show networks they were worth keeping around. Someone figured out that LGBTQ people wanted to see themselves represented so much so that they would tune in to anything that promised an LGBTQ character in some fashion. It was a tactic that worked well in the landscape of tv where there was so little LGBTQ content on mainstream media that anyone wanting it would latch onto anything. And then they just wouldn’t deliver on those relationships or characters. In 2021, that is not the world we live in any longer. 

In today’s tv landscape there is so much to watch and so much to pick from and diversity has grown, it is celebrated. Queer characters are well represented as are queer relationships and queer stories. The times are different. A while back I was listening to a podcast (Bait: a queerbaiting podcast) and something I found interesting was how the hosts both agreed that in today’s tv landscape there is no more real queerbait and that we won’t easily find anything like the ships I mentioned above. I think I agree more with this than I expected to, because I do think that it exists in some spaces, but it definitely isn’t what it used to be. This is a good thing. 

Specific to 9-1-1, this is a show that has that diversity and that isn’t afraid of tackling that diversity and giving us interesting and nuanced perspectives and stories embracing that. We have characters of color, women in positions of power, a F/F relationship, two multi-racial relationships, a disabled character, other queer characters including a M/M relationship. There is so much in this show that embraces diversity and that embraces the reality of what the world looks like. To call it queerbait is to disrespect everything else that this show is and has done and the hard storylines that have been tackled that we would not have seen on tv ten years ago. 

And I get that Buddie would be another breakthrough. It would be a novel way to tell a queer story, and it would be amazing if it were to happen. The set up is there, but it isn’t fully realized, and Buck and Eddie can still be read as just friends if we take off the shipping goggles. But it also isn’t queerbait or likely to become queerbait and people have to stop calling it that. 

What Buddie resembles is one of the many unintended slow burn ships that have frustrated viewers in many forms across fandoms and we just have to go along for the ride and maybe it will happen. Or maybe it won’t. But if we know anything about relationships on tv, it is that a lot of the fun comes from the journey, even if the destination is good too. 

[fullysowerewolf]

Thoughts on The Boys S3 so far

I’m flabbergasted and intrigued. I want next Friday to be here right now.

I’m sorta let down by the opening after Kripke built it up so much in the interviews, but I did enjoy the realization of the Thanus meme.

Uh, Butcher, you’re starting to hallucinate full convos with your worst enemy and dead brother. It is time for a therapist. Also I liked how they built up the decision of Butcher taking the Temp V. With wanting to full out reject it at first, then being tempted via the prior imagine spot with Homelander and Lenny, the first confrontation with Gunpowder, thinking of finally listening to what Hughie and everyone have been trying to tell him about chilling out, to being pushed over the edge into doing it with the news on Neumann being a plant.

Also that V lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. Maybe those rumors/theories about the side effects being potential permanent powers might be true. 

Was not expecting Stan Edgar to play such a larger role in the season, especially with the reveal of him being the adopted father of Victoria Neumann.

We finally see Black Noir’s face and hear him talk! And then immediately find out why he never takes off the mask or speaks.

I liked the Kimiko and Frenchie moments and their drama of wanting to be normal but hating themselves and why they choose to side with people they dislike. I wonder when Frenchie will get captured as predicted in the previews? Also sad that Cherie is leaving the show.

The Ryan and Butcher moments were sweet, it saddened me when they had their falling out in the 3rd episode, but I doubt it’s going to stay that way the entire season. And they are definitely going to be diving into Billy’s whole hang-ups regarding his childhood abuse this season. And the Temp V thing will probably play a part in confronting his Supe prejudice as well.

Also Billy deciding to be Santa and giving near everyone presents?? And Ryan is insanely good at stop-motion videos. He should upload that shit on Youtube, he’d get tons of likes.

The drama with MM is pretty hot, I can’t believe they broke up between seasons and for Monique to immediately get with some fucking Homelander fan?!! What were you thinking woman?!! Really interested to see what the full beef between him and Soldier Boy fully is.

I didn’t know how they could make Homelander even worse but they somehow did, he is definitely in full sadism mode this season. That scene with the Deep and the octopus man. Also I fucking hate you Kripke for subjecting me naked Homelander, fuck you.

Also surprise Stormfront and also surprise suicide. From the supposed leaks, I thought Homelander would kill her but she offed herself after finding out Homie wanted nothing to do with her whole Nazi army thing. Also I saw what they did there with the subversion of that famous moment in All Star Superman with Supes and the suicidal girl.

Supersonic was actually a pretty nice guy, but he is definitely dying by the end of the season. He has that air written all over him. And we got swerved on the love triangle plotline between him, Starlight, and Hughie it seems, because instead we have..

Homelight unfortunately confirmed, which means those connected rumors about Butcher x Maeve are definitely happening. Hughie is going to go Ballistic when he finds out, to where Billy’s not even going to need to convince him to take Temp V.

Interested to see where Hughie’s arc goes this season, now that his attempt to get clean was destroyed and he’s forced back into the violent methods. Especially with the drama surrounding Starlight and their relationship. They might end up on the outs again by the end of the season in contrast with how they started out in s3.

Didn’t get much of Soldier Boy, but they had me really thinking for a moment that he was a gay pedo but that apparently was just rumors in show. Waiting until the next episodes come out till I can fully get a gauge on him.

Absolutely despised the young Starlight flashback and is a another reminders of why child pageants should be destroyed.

Oh and Teddy Stilwell is back and has powers. Why does it not surprise me that Stilwell injected her own baby with super drugs?

All in all, for the first 3 episodes it’s mostly setup for the season and character exploration rather a full deep dive into action and gore. There’s some fights that are more scuffles and some gore, but nothing really major. So bit of a slow start for those wanting to see big super fights. But still fun to watch if you’re invested in the characters and story.

[your-highnessmarvel]

From Bleak to Bright - Part Ten

All other parts on on my masterlist, link provided below.

AN: omg this chapter is so sad!!!

Warnings: angst, language

MASTERLIST - SERIES MASTERLIST

PART TEN

You cried so much that you forgot what it felt like to not have your breath caught in your throat, or tears in your eyes, wetness on your cheeks. Even if you’d barely spent a week with Loki, when he left you there, without even trying to get to you, the bond inside of you screamed. It’s even worse than when you couldn’t see him, when Natasha and Bruce were trying to get you to stay away. Now that’d you’d had a taste, you just wanted more, and the bond that had been a knot in your belly now felt like burning fire.

Thor took you in his arms and brought you back to a jet, but both the wound on your head and the one in your heart kept you from having any conscience of it. You were crying so hard it hurt, your stomach clenching, breaths hiccupping out of your lungs, eyes swollen.  

The last thing you remembered before they put you under, pressing a mask to your face, was the wretched sobs coming from your throat.

Your dreams were nothing but black. It was like floating in space, with no stars, with no air, and the suffocation of the dream left you even more anguished than Loki’s departure.

Why hadn’t he tried? Why hadn’t he at least tried to take you with him, instead of looking at you with those eyes, his mouth parted?

You’d remember that look until the day you died.

Death was more peaceful than this.

When you woke up, Bruce was all over you, acting like the mommy you both never had. He was in your recovering room 24/7, bringing you everything you ever wanted. And when they moved you out of the recovery room and back at the Avenger’s compound, Bruce was still on your heels like a leech. 

Nat kept her eyes on you every time you passed by the door, as if you’d pounce right back out there if she dared to leave you alone.

Steve kept giving you speeches about good and evil, how Loki’s bond with you did not mean what he did was right. 

Tony dropped by once in a while, asking you questions on Loki, but all you knew was what you’d seen while at the loft, and revisiting those memories made you want to scratch your eyes out.

When you stopped talking, just shut down, they brought in a therapist. But even she couldn’t make you talk. All that anger was the only thing that made you remember him. And the bond desperately wanted you to remember him. Every single moment spent away from Loki, the bond called to him. It gave you stupid ideas to reach out somehow, to runaway, to seek out a way to get back to him. 

But you couldn’t leave. Ever. The Avenger’s compound was on lock down, and you could not be left alone in it, ever. It was your own personalized prison. 

You wished so desperately, but so quietly, that Loki would come for you. That he’d bring an army and get you back. 

But the news you overhead - because they didn’t allow you to know anything about Loki’s whereabouts - suggested Loki couldn’t give more of a fuck about you. He’d terrorized more people across the Earth, all intent on “taking over the world” or whatever. 

“He’s got Selvig,” you heard Thor telling Nat. You were lying on the couch and they didn’t know you were there as they prepared lunch. “He’s going to open a portal and bring the Chitauri army here.”

“If he does that,” Nat said with a hiss, “then it’s going to get far worse than it already is.”

You knew what she meant by that. The Avengers already had to take care of you - Loki’s soulmate - and adding an alien war to the pile was not going to facilitate their game.

And if Loki wasn’t coming for you, you wouldn’t make any effort to get back to him. 

*** Eighteen days later, Three hours before the attack on New York ***

You didn’t like the movie. Nat had chosen it as the boys had taken over the gym to have “a boys workout” as they called it. 

Nat had been careful in avoiding any romance movies, and had picked an action packed, hot boy movie with no story line and a lot of explosions. The main character was good-looking enough to distract you from the actual plot, and the fact that you did not have a phone - actually, not allowed - made you even more concentrated on the character. 

It wasn’t long before the boys came back out, smelling like sweat and rubber. Lately, they’d all been hitting the gym often since Loki’s army was waiting to invade. Tony insisted on a seven-day a week training until they’d either caught Loki or killed him.

You swallowed the lump in your throat at the image of a dead Loki in your head. Thor’s presence didn’t really help either. He kept mentioning his brother as if you weren’t even there. 

“You okay?” Bruce asked, tapping your knee as he took a seat beside you.

You wrinkled your nose. “Ew, Bruce, you smell so gross,” you whined, pinching your nose. 

He smiled, the perpetual look of caution on his face he wore only around you dropping and softening his features. 

“Come on,” he drawled, “it’s not that bad!”

But before you could answer, Tony’s cell rang. Everyone went deadly silent. You could feel the blood draining from your face as Tony brought the device up to his ear, his face severe.

Your fingers curled into fists. Your blood ran cold, colder than you’d ever felt as you watched Tony’s face tighten. 

The first thought to enter your mind was Loki’s wellbeing. 

Please tell me he’s fine.

Tony hummed and hung up. “Suit up,” he said, his tone deadly, “Loki’s opened up the portal. They’re dropping armed Chitauri in the streets.”

The entire living room activated, as if everyone around you had just been waiting for Tony to give the heads up. Nat launched off the couch, running upstairs to get her suit, followed my Steve and Clint - which yes, they’d manage to save between all this time.

Tony turned into the kitchen, mumbling to JARVIS.

Only Thor and your brother remained in the living room, hard like statues, their eyes emotionless.

“Who’s gonna babysit, huh?” you mumbled, but your words felt like ash on your tongue. 

“I wager I should stay,” the God of Thunder said, pointing to you. “After all, my brother will attempt to get her out of here before he obliterates the planet.”

The soulmate bond would not let him leave you here to die.

Bruce shook his head, sweaty strands of hair sticking to his forehead. “She’s my sister,” he said. “And you’re more needed than me on the battlefield.”

You frowned, anger and heat crawling up your chest like sour vines. “Bruce, if he gets here and you’re the one standing between him and me, he will go through you,” you argued, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I can take him,” Bruce shot back. “And Thor will man the streets with the rest of the team. No one is going to take this planet and no one is going to take my sister! And until Loki is either dead or locked up until the end of your days, I will never allow you out of my sight!”

Thor knew better than to stay. He vanished from the living room even before Bruce had uttered the last words, either because of the look on your face or the privacy you and your brother needed.

Bruce had stood, towering over you, his face stricken with a mix of anger and annoyance, and you looked up at him from under your brows, heaving, feeling betrayal course through your veins. 

“Bruce,” you muttered, trying to keep a lid on your anger. “I’m a grown woman. I don’t need my fucking brother looking after me forever.”

Bruce’s lip twitched. “That’s what you made us all think,” he seethed. “That’s what we thought. That we could trust you. And then you literally betrayed us and went to him with arms wide open.”

“He’s my soulmate, Bruce!”

“I don’t care!” At this point, your brother didn’t care that he was screaming and that Tony could hear him in the kitchen. “You’re a threat to yourself.”

“He wouldn’t hurt me,” you gritted from clenched teeth.

Bruce’s eyebrows shot up. “I told you the bond is different for men,” he said. “He doesn’t care about love or passion or whatever he made you think! It’s about possession, owning what is meant to be his! And with Loki, there is no possible way the bond could be -”

“You don’t know that!” Now it was your turn to stand, facing your brother like you’d done so many times as kids, but this time, it was for something a little more severe. “You say all that shit about the bond for men but you don’t even know yours! You stopped yourself from knowing her because of the shit you did to yourself!”

You regretted the words before they left your mouth, but anger had made you open up your lips and spill anything hateful that would deter your brother. And it did. It so fucking did. His face fell from that angered scrunch to something more tragic, tormented. 

Bruce had always counted on you to understand that the Hulk was not - absolutely not - Bruce. 

And there you’d been, accusing him of creating this monster he hated so much.

Bruce took a step back, his eyes falling to the ground. “If you leave this house, I will not hesitate to use force.” And then he plopped himself on the couch.

You looked up, seething, spotting Tony leaning against the door to the kitchen. He shrugged, jerking his head to the stairs, silently signaling that maybe you should retreat to your room.

Feeling like a child who hadn’t gotten what she wanted, you ran up to your room, crossing Steve in the hallway and not even bothering with wishing him luck. For all you cared at that moment, they could all burn.

You felt like your insides would fall out as you tumbled into your room, slamming and locking the door. You sat on the edge of the bed, holding a pillow to your belly, hoping the pressure would prevent your insides from spilling out.

What had you done? Why had you gone and said those things? The image of Bruce’s face falling, that look of utter bewilderment and betrayal passing across his features, haunted you. You rocked on the edge of your bed, feeling the tears brimming behind your eyes, an odd sort of pressure building in your head. 

You knew he was there before he even spoke. The air shifted, like a soft wind inside a glass jar, and the sound of fabric against fabric echoed in your otherwise dark room. 

“He’ll kill you,” you said, biting on the edge of the pillow to keep from sobbing.

“I am not really here,” he answered.

Relief and disappointment. They would not be able to hurt him if they caught him in here. He wouldn’t be able to actually touch you. 

“What do you want?” you uttered, still clutching the pillow, facing away from him.

“I can come and get you out of here,” he said, his voice calm, leveled.

You frowned. “You left me,” you whispered. “You fucking left me, Loki. You didn’t even try. And even if I wanted to go with you, my brother would rip you to pieces before you even set foot in here.”

You could sense Loki’s anger, rippling from him even in his illusion form. “You do not want to come with me?” His voice was rough, as if fighting to stay even. He was sad. 

You clenched your jaw so tight it hurt. “No.” Then you straightened. “No. Leave me alone. You’ve caused enough damage in under a month of being my soulmate. I don’t want to see you again. Now get the hell out of my room before my brother has me put in an actual cell.”

You never got an answer.

When you turned to see if he was still there, the air was empty, dark, silent, as if he’d never even been there to begin with.

DON’T WORRY! I KNOW WHERE THIS STORY IS GOING. I HAVE A PLAN ;)

tags:  @subtlemalice @yallgotkik @buckyandlokirunmylife @kaz11283 @legolas-bromance @shylittlemountain @tofeartheunknown @feelmyfckngsoul @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay @caffiend-queen @tomhollandsslilslut @lady-loki-ren @nathan-no @rosaline-black @abundanceofcarolines @my-own-oracle @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream @marvelouslovely @drbaureid @bored-as-hell-666 @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @theinfinitenerd @toe-vind-ek-jou @ink-and-starlight @blank-bakabane @sunshineonloki @holaamishamigos @palegoopbearlight @heyarely16 @pleaseexecuteme @athalahild @help-i-need-a-social-life @tapismyforte @coloursforyourportrait @celestialstarshadow @fukyouthink @lust-for-pan @thic-thor 

[urimaginespimp]

Happiness (This Love pt 7)

Bucky x Reader (elemental witch)

Set during TFATWS (mostly ep 3)

Note: Angsty confrontation ahead, and some references to Mr. Perfectly Fine because its a bop.

previous part

——–

Bucky and Sam were trying to hide it, but they were fascinated with the amount of collectable expensive cars surrounding them, which Zemo claimed to be his.

“I spent years hunting people HYDRA recruited to recreate the serum. Because once it’s out there, someone can recreate an army of people… like the Avengers.” He stated, peeking out from the car where he was slouched down taking stuff, he needs for a trip.

“I ended the Winter Soldier program once before. I have no intention to leave my work unfinished. To do this, we’ll have to scale a ladder of lowlifes.”

“Well, join a party. We’ve already started.”

“First stop is a woman named Selby.” Zemo stated, now walking out with his stuff, before pausing to face the two men’s way again.

“But before that, it would be way safer for us if you get one of your old teammates with us. Preferably the witch.” He explained.

“We haven’t been able to reach Wanda for some time now.” Sam admitted.

“That’s unfortunate to hear, but I meant the one James was so enamored with.” Zemo clarified nonchalantly.

Sam’s lips twitched, trying not to crack a smile as Bucky glared at Zemo.

“We haven’t been in contact with her too.” Bucky answered in a low voice. He was getting irritated at the fact that Zemo even suggested to bring you into this.

“Actually, I have.” Sam spoke up. “But new Asgard is not a drive away.”

“That won’t be a problem.” Zemo grinned as he led them out to his private jet.

The entire way over to New Asgard, Bucky was quiet. He hadn’t told anyone, even his therapist, but the look in your eyes when he outright rejected you back in Tony’s Lake house was the last thing he sees every night before he falls asleep.  The same set of eyes that would’ve loved him for a lifetime.

Would you even be glad to see him? He couldn’t help but feel anxious.

——–

It was already dawn when they arrived at New Asgard. Val greeted them having received a message from Sam as well after Y/N was unresponsive.

“Well, you, I expected.” she nodded at Sam. “Can’t say I’m pleased to see you, Mr. Change of Heart.” She looked at Bucky as if assessing him fully and Sam snorted at what she just called him. “And you I’m unsure of because I’ve never seen you before.” She nodded at Zemo.

“Val, it’s really great to see you, and holy smokes, Asgard looks rich as hell.” Sam was temporarily sidetracked. From what he last heard, New Asgard was a fishing port.

“This isn’t even half of how the old Asgard really was, but this is all actually because of Y/N’s effort.” She answered proudly.

“Where is she, anyway?” Sam asked. Bucky and Zemo simply assumed you were still sleeping given the time. But the light-almost silent steps on the pavement approaching behind them made all three men look behind.

Bucky felt his throat drying up when he saw that it was your form walking towards them. Here you were, lips red, hair even longer, in a small black strap dress, holding your heels on one hand, as you walked home. Your attention was set on your feet, as if they were the most fascinating thing you’ve seen, as they walk bare along the pavement. And he couldn’t help but note that there was a strong energy around you.

“Dude, stop staring. You’re gonna embarrass yourself.” Sam whispered at his side.

His low voice caught your attention, making your head snap to finally look up and slowdown from walking.

Sam was already smiling at you, undoubtedly glad to finally see you again, and you returned the grin. Then beside him, stood the man you’ve been trying to get over all these months.

His hair was shorter, reminding you of the James you’ve met when testing the time portal. Only difference is that while James was eager to talk and see you, this one in front of you wasn’t even looking up.

Looking at the third man with them, you stopped in your tracks.

“Sam, what the hell is this man doing out of prison, and on Asgardian property?” That was the first thing to come out of your mouth. Sam lightly hit Bucky on the arm to explain.

“We need him to help us find this group of super soldiers.” Bucky answered, finally looking up to meet your eyes. Turning your attention to him, he was surprised you didn’t even offer a small smile.

“Wakanda will get word of this, Barnes.” you told him, not breaking eye contact. You were mad. Wakanda owed him nothing yet they took him in and helped him. Now he was saying they not only broke their king’s killer out of prison, but is also working with him.

Behind the three men facing you, Val was standing with her arms crossed on her chest, close to losing it. She mouthed Barnes at you.

You sighed and walked up to Sam, exchanging a hug, a silent conversation of how much you’ve missed each other. Breaking away from him, you started walking past them, ready to get it over with and head to your house.

“What do you want? As you can see, I just got back and I’m in need of rest.” you asked, still walking.

“Look, you can go back to your parties right after, but we really need you for this. Please.” Bucky spoke up once again. Of course, he’d think you were merely partying your way through nights. But you were just too tired, and frankly, you didn’t feel the need to prove anything to him.

Turning to face them again, you were ready to turn them down but Sam was looking at you with the same pleading expression. How could you turn down someone who’s been nothing but nice to you? And you do feel guilty for not checking up on him as frequently as before.

Sighing, you faced Val and gave her a small nod, indicating to her that you were going. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Fine. Just let me get ready.” heading into your home, you took a deep breath. You thought seeing him again would just make you feel like the pathetic, desperate woman you once were, but this time you couldn’t shake the feeling of hostility creeping up your chest every time you met his eyes.

So maybe you do kind of hate him now.

——–

You were across Zemo, catching up on the sleep you’ve missed on his private jet.

Bucky was seated just across from your left, and he couldn’t help but look at your sleeping form. You looked at peace, and it reminded him of the nights you both had in Wakanda where he’d ask you to stay with him after a nightmare, and the rare times when you’d fall back asleep first.

Then something he picked up from the conversation earlier started to cloud his thoughts. You had kept calling him Barnes. He had never heard you call him that until earlier. It sounded so… strange coming from you. It almost made him hate his own last name.

“You know, I’ve always found her of impeccable beauty.” Zemo spoke in a quiet voice to not disrupt your sleep. Bucky clenched his fist while Sam raised a brow at him. “Now, I never said I’m attracted to her. My heart is forever for my family, but I’m not blind.” he clarified, and noted the former winter soldier’s reaction.

“James, judging from your reactions every time I talk about her, I’m guessing you’re very fond of her.” He took a sip of his drink, waiting for a response – one Sam gladly provided.

“Oh yeah, if kissing her, then pushing her away and leaving her after a funeral is what you’d consider being very found, then by all means, Bucky’s crazy for her.” Sam glared at Bucky, making him uncomfortably shift in his seat.

“Now why don’t you tell us about where we’re going?” Sam shifted the conversation.

“I’m sorry. I was just fascinated by this…” He opened a book on his lap. “I don’t know what to call it, but I see Y/N’s name in here, and oh this part seems important… who is Nakajima?” and before Sam knew it, Bucky was up on his seat, with his metal arm on Zemo’s throat.

The act made you stir on your sleep, and sure enough, your eyes fluttered open, only to see Bucky threatening Zemo.

“If you touch that again, I’ll kill you.” He said in a low voice.

“What the hell is happening?” you broke the silence, making everyone turn to you. Bucky finally let him go, and returned to his seat, not looking at you. He felt almost ashamed that you had to see him act that way. He could only hope you hadn’t heard Zemo say your name was on that notebook.

“I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.” Zemo stated, but then unexpectedly turned his attention to you. “I just can’t seem to understand why her-”

“Don’t push it.” Bucky cut him off.

“Miss Y/N. If you don’t mind me asking. How did the avengers manage to bring everyone back? We hardly get enough news in prison.” Zemo asked you with genuine interest.

“The simplest answer is through a time machine.”  you nodded at him.

“Well that I know, but how did you know it would work?”

“We had volunteers to test it out. As a matter of fact, I was one.” Sam and Bucky were now looking at you in interest. They didn’t know about this part. “The first one was Clint, and he only had a few minutes to a timeline of his choosing. When that was successful, it was my turn to go and stay a little longer to make sure we wouldn’t experience any complications if we do so.”

“Where did you go?” Bucky found himself asking, and you turned your attention to him.

“I…” you couldn’t tell them you actually went to his time as a soldier in the camp. “I don’t want to talk about it.” you shut the conversation down and excused yourself to the restroom, leaving them confused.

Opening the door slowly to get out, you paused when you overhear Bucky saying something. “I uh… I went on a date for the first time.” he told in a low voice. You decided to remain behind the slightly ajar door. You hated how it made you feel a little pang in your chest.

He was getting his life back out there while you’ve only managed to only push the hurt deep down instead of addressing and getting rid of them. Maybe once you get back home, you’d give in to Val’s pestering about online dating.

“And?” You heard Sam asked in deadpan tone. It was only followed by silence.

“How about Miss Y/N? You would’ve been perfect together.” Zemo commented.

“Shut Up.” You heard him retort.

“No, let him speak. I mean he has no idea about what happened between you, but I kinda want to hear this.” Sam interjected.

“It’s just that judging by the wandering looks you’re failing miserably to hide, and her being so… uncaring towards you, I could only assume you did something that cost whatever bond you had.” Zemo carried on.

You couldn’t listen to them any longer. You knew what he was going to say next – that he just didn’t feel the same. So you slowly shut the door close again and decided to splash a little bit of water on your face.

When you got back, they were now in entirely different conversation. “Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull?” you heard Zemo ask, followed by a quick pause. “That is why we’re going to Madripoor.”

“What’s up with Madripoor? You guys talk about it like it’s skull island.” Sam asked confused.

“It’s an island nation in the Indian archipelago. It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s.” Bucky answered him.

“It’s kept it’s lawless ways, but we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves.” Zemo explained further before looking at Bucky. “James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.”

You could see he was dreading having to do so. And normally you would’ve already assured him that everything was going to be fine, but this time you opted to be silent and look out the window, missing how he and Sam also turned to your attention, surprised of your seemingly lack of concern.

His heart dropped.

——–

You came in Madripoor acting as the Smiling Tiger’s most trusted henchwoman. When he had to act as the Winter Soldier and follow Zemo’s orders to attack, you had to look away, and only hope that he was fine.

You were now in Sharon’s place after she unexpectedly saved your asses while on the run.

“Here. You can use my room to get ready. There’s hot water in the shower and feel free to use anything on my vanity dresser.” She handed you a black jumpsuit similar to what she had on, only that this one didn’t have sleeves like hers.

Taking it from her, you said thank you and turned to where she pointed her room is.

“I suggest going red on the lips.” She added just before you were about to close the door.

“You’ve read my mind, Sharon.” You smirked.

——–

Sam just promised Sharon he was going to try to get her name cleared, when you stepped out of her room and into where they were, now all ready for the auction party.

“You look beautiful, Miss Y/N.” Zemo raised his glass to you.

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Why, thank you punk. Been loving the coat you got on.” Everybody looked great. Bucky was looking dignified in a well pressed suit, and it was taking everything in you to not ogle.

Bucky was gripping the couch hard. How could you converse with Zemo so freely, when you haven’t even uttered a word to him save for a few quick glances. But hew knew Zemo was far from wrong. You were breathtaking.

“Val’s told me you’ve been going out every night. You dance often?” Sam asked you.

Taking your position next to Zemo, you smiled and decided to tell them what you’ve been working on.

“Well since I’ve secured New Asgard’s future already, I’ve devoted my nights to going about the nightlife nearby. Yeah, I dance every now and then, but that’s only when I know the rest of the night will be free of any trouble.”

“What do you mean by trouble?” Bucky couldn’t help but ask.

“Any trouble, really; robberies, killings, but the most common ones are assault. So, I go out dressed just like the others to blend in, but I rarely take part in the partying.” you explained to him.  Sam gave you a smile. He was proud of you.

“Well for the rest of tonight at least, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Go dance.” Sharon smiled at you before getting up to start welcoming guests. “Lay low, blend in, enjoy the party.”

——–

The party was in full swing. You had no idea where the others have gone among the swarm of intoxicated dancing bodies in the room.

“May I get you a drink?” a man asked, appearing in front of you. He was tall, had pretty green eyes, dirty blonde hair, and a charming smile.

“You may… if I get your name first.” You smirked, which he returned.

“I’m James.”

“You’ve got be shitting me.” you found yourself whispering.

“I’m sorry?”

“Any other name I can call you, handsome?” you reached over to act like you were fixing his collar.

“How about Jay?” he smiled at you.

“Jay works just fine.” smirking, you let him lead you to the bar.

Unbeknownst to you, Bucky saw the whole ordeal. He couldn’t make sense of the feelings that kept creeping up on him, but all he knows for now is that he didn’t like what he saw one bit. And with all the smirks that’s graced your lips, he begins to realize he hadn’t seen your usual winning smile.

“Don’t break your teeth with all that clenching, Buck.” Sam was now standing beside him. “Come on, even Zemo’s dancing. What’s gotten that robot brain of yours all mad?” he pat Bucky’s shoulder.

When he was unresponsive, Sam followed the direction where he was glaring at. And sure enough, it was where you and the guy that approached you were standing close to each other, enjoying a drink and conversing.

“Okay, let me ask you something.” Sam started. “Do you, or do you not have feelings for her?”

It took him a while to answer. “I don’t know.” He finally muttered, still glaring your way. “I’m robot brain, remember?”

“Okay, fair enough… But man, you know she would’ve understood if you told her that you want to figure your feelings out first. You didn’t have to be all so casually cruel to her like that. Rhodey said she spent the 5 years during the blip mourning and waiting for you.”

The last part of what Sam just said caught Bucky’s attention.

“What did you just say?” He was caught off guard.

But before Sam could repeat himself, Sharon came with the information they need.

——-

Arriving in Riga Latvia, you got a few cuts and bruises from the fight that ensued while you joined Sharon in keeping an eye out as the guys talked to Nagel. The four of you were now walking to Zemo’s place when you spotted the first bead. You knew whom it belongs to. Glancing Bucky’s way, he was already looking at you. He must have seen it too.

“We’re gonna go on a walk.” He spoke to Sam and Zemo and nodded at you.

“You guys good?” Sam asked in concern.

“Yeah, we’ll see you guys in a bit.” You assured him. Turning away to look for other vibranium beads, it didn’t take long for Bucky to be beside you.

“It was just a matter of time, Barnes.” you said as he picked up another one placed by the corner.

Turning into an empty alley, Bucky called out into the open while holding the bead in between in thumb and index finger. “You dropped something.”

And you felt a presence behind you. Turning around, you smiled at an old friend.

“I’m here for Zemo.”

——–

“He’s a means to an end.” Bucky explained. And you remained by the corner as they conversed.

“Eight hours, White Wolf. Then we come for him.” Ayo stated. Turning to you, she offered a friendly smile. “The princess misses you. She said you’re in need of some…” She glanced Bucky’s way “…comforting.”

“You’ll be expecting a visit from me soon. I’m bringing you and Okoye some Starbucks.” you promised. You’ve been in touch with Shuri through chats, and she knows all about what happened between you and Bucky.

When Ayo left to go back with the other Dora Milaje, it was only you and Bucky left in the Alley.

“Y/N we need to talk.” he said before you could even turn to head back to where Sam and Zemo were.

“Barnes.”

“Would you stop calling me that?” you could see he was irritated.

“What?”

“Quit calling me Barnes. You never called me that. It was always Bucky.” He snapped at you. “Call me Bucky.”

You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you could hear the frustration in his voice.

“Like you’ve said that day. We can’t start fresh when we’re constantly reminded of something we’re trying to forget. Calling you that would just bring about memories and feelings I’m trying to get rid of.” you answered honestly, looking him in the eye.

Hurt flashed on his eyes from what you’ve just said, but he couldn’t blame you. “Fine. Then call me James.”

You gave him a pained smile. “That won’t do.”

“Why?”

“I actually met James.” you finally told him. Looking at his reaction, one could tell he wasn’t expecting that.

“When I said back in the plane that I volunteered to be the second test subject for the portal, Nat and Steve got me in an old war nurse’s uniform underneath the suit and sent me back to a time where you were just rescued by Steve… and you actually got me to talk to you.” This was the first time you were talking about it. You didn’t even tell Steve what happened on your time there. All he knew was that you met and spent time with Bucky.

“They suggested it because they knew how much I was hurting from losing you. And I came there with the intention to leave with closure. But I ended up promising James I was gonna wait for you.” you tried to blink the tears that was threatening to spill away.

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. He hadn’t even thought about what you had to go through after losing so many people when the blip happened. It was merely a few seconds for him.

“I don’t need your fake niceties. I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night when you had nightmares. I gave you almost two years of my time just helping you get back on your feet. I loved you, and I didn’t expect anything in return. I just wanted to let you know.” You harshly wiped a tear that escaped.

“But then you just had to fucking kiss me and for once, make me think we could be something…” you chuckled bitterly. Bucky remained quiet, just listening to you. “… only to tell me right after it was a fucking mistake and that you want to start fresh alone. How do you think that made me feel?”

“Y/N I’m sorry. Please let me make it up to you.” He started to walk towards you, and stopped when he was only one to two steps away.

“I fucking hate you, Barnes.” You found yourself saying unexpectedly, wounding him further inside. But then you shook your head. “No, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, I can’t think straight through all of my fury.”

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t blame you if you do.”

You took a deep breath, realization hitting you. “You know what, I don’t think I could make this all go away by making you a villain. I’m still hurting, yes. But I guess it’s the price I pay for being delusional for what, seven years? I could’ve stopped at one. And now I’m just trying to face reinvention.”

“I didn’t realize -” you cut him off for once.

“I heard you went out on a date for the first time. I’m proud of you.” You genuinely smiled at him. “And I realized that I want to seek happiness too.” There was a glint of relief in your eyes, maybe from finally letting it all out.

For the first time since seeing each other again, Bucky saw the old you come into the picture – soft, caring eyes, and an infectious smile with a hint of mischief behind them.

And for the very first time, the feelings that kept creeping inside him every time you were around had made themselves known.

So imagine his horror when he heard the next thing you said paired with a gentle smile.

“I’m letting you go, Bucky.”

He was in deep trouble.

——–

tags: @eternalharry @iheartsebandchris @lizzarooni @the-ayo-lit @tanyaherondale @knowyourworth-sellyoursoul @eliwinchester-barnes