#theres nothing going on in my life so i stay deep in the wrestle hyperfixation because the alternate?
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i took the biggest fattest couch nap today like a middle aged dad. and do i feel like i wasted my whole day? yes. but do i at least feel extremely rested? absolutely not.
#this move has been good in so many ways but also devastating in so many ways#ive become such a shitty friend and i hate myself constantly#i now fully understand adhd masking. mostly because i refuse to do so anymore.#which makes me absolutely wretched to interact with#theres nothing going on in my life so i stay deep in the wrestle hyperfixation because the alternate?#acknowledging reality? processing emotions? changing my life for the better?#those things are good but unfortunately cause me to have full complete mental breakdowns or shutdowns#ive never felt so confronted by my mental illnesses before and its horrible#not that i can do anything bc i live in the us and have no health insurance and cant afford therapy#i hate therapy anyway. or at least my 3 prior experiences.#im fucking broken but why cant i just exist broken
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