#there's this queer thing where you haven't been exposed to the same experiences as cishets so you think you're unlovable
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'sorry i might spam you for a bit until i'm over it' spam me forever i hope you get over it but i hope you keep spamming me anyway
#i'm actually a lot more fine about this than i seem i just become temporarily deranged when changes happen in my life#someone i care about so so much is moving across the world and i will never see them again#i have shared things with her that i haven't with anyone else ever. no one else has known me this well and still liked me for it#like i have to stay here. this is my home. i really do Belong here. but she doesn't. she has her own home too#but sometimes i'm like take me with you. i will be so scared but i will do it if i get to be with you#she keeps saying thank you for being kind and i want to kill myself i feel so many things all the time but i never feel kind#even though i want to be more than anything#i usually keep people at a distance and i only do things for them if they ask because i'm too scared#but i tried to do So Much for her and i would keep doing it forever it didn't even feel like a choice#i went into my overdraft So many times and put off So much work and i was So Tired#and she would never ask that of me but i would do it all again i do not care#and now i'm like where do i put all that. there's no one to give it to. even if there was. it was supposed to be for you#IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR YOU !!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAHH rips my shirt off werewolf style#i feel like i exist to give every single thing i am capable of giving to another person#there's this queer thing where you haven't been exposed to the same experiences as cishets so you think you're unlovable#and you might not be it might just be that there are far more limited opportunities for you to be loved#but i will never know which it is for me. i fear it is the former. but i won't ever have proof#because there are approximately three people on earth i like like that. i almost never feel things for people
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