#there's more i could say but i mainly wanted to talk about queenie / grindelwald / dumbledore

[braverytaught]

anyway i promised i’d talk about my reaction to cog and like, idk who cares, but i’m here on my soapbox anyway

obviously don’t fuckin read any farther if u haven’t seen it, i’m going in hard with the spoilers

i’ve talked about the mcg cameo and we’re ignoring that

they did dumbledore so fuckin dirty

they did queenie so fuckin dirty

the whole plot was a confusing and kind of pointless-in-and-of-itself setup for the next three movies, which i understand is necessary in some sense for a very long story like this, but if you can’t make a movie’s plot enjoyable and understandable as its own being, then you haven’t done a good job. cog’s primary function cannot be to lay the groundwork for movies that haven’t come out yet; it has to stand on its own, and i’m not sure it does

grindelwald’s kind of a joke

if you’re going to make nagini a character (and we all know the issues with that in the first place), you could at least bother to give her a personality

they did leta dirty too, she deserved more than a one-movie character arc

i don’t think tina’s characterization was badly done, but i do think she deserved more time, and they did a really bad job of showing the status of tina and newt’s relationship in the intervening nine months imo

i don’t think credence joining grindelwald is a bad story choice, but i do think it was handled incorrectly. they should have played into the “i’m being persecuted and i feel alone and scared and he may have used me but so has everyone else in my life and he seems to care about me so i’m going to go with him because i think he can keep me safe” aspect instead of reducing it to “he can tell me my real name”

on the bright side i continue to adore newt and his creatures, and i think eddie redmayne’s acting is fucking fantastic

credence being dumbledore’s secret long-lost much-younger brother is about as farcical as voldemort having a secret daughter with bellatrix lestrange

more under the cut. i’m about to go into highkey analysis mode.

queenie

yeah i’m fucking mad about this. the closest i came to crying in the entire movie was because i was so upset about what they did to her character. not bc it moved me but bc it pissed me off. queenie goldstein is smart, capable, and empathetic. i was so happy to see her again -- for about five seconds, until we found out she’s enchanted jacob so she can marry him without his consent? what the fuck? and then she spends the rest of the movie with no other motivation than to be with a man? she’s apparently so stupid and blind that she would join grindelwald, genuinely thinking grindelwald’s going to create a world where muggles are allowed to marry witches no problem? grindelwald’s manipulative tactics are blindingly obvious, and yet the woman who has spent her life learning how to read people and manipulate them in turn for her own protection can’t see that she’s being played? 

fuck that. that’s not the queenie goldstein i know. and i’m not cool with her being turned into the “woman who makes bad, stupid, blind choices out of her desire to be with a man, because that’s all women really want, i guess” trope.

the only way i can see her joining grindelwald is if she followed credence, to protect him, and was a double agent from the start. 

grindelwald

not even getting into johnny depp as a person, he’s clearly the wrong person for this part. it would’ve been better to keep the percival graves persona going than to turn grindelwald into a bleached rat who has apparently never seen the light of day. colin farrell was the perfect example of a seductive villain. grindelwald as graves was confident, persuasive, compelling even after you realized he was the bad guy.

grindelwald should have stayed that way even after he showed his true self or whatever. they kept telling us that he was seductive, that he couldn’t even be trusted with a tongue or he’d turn every guard to his side, and yet? i saw nothing of the sort? johnny depp’s grindelwald, both his acting and the character design, screams “i’m the big villain and you should hate me because i’m sleazy and creepy.” but that’s not how you gain followers. tom riddle was charming and handsome and persuasive; it was only after he gained power that he slowly became the inhuman creature we think of as voldemort, and that was after everyone was too scared of him to defect. grindelwald should have been smooth, should have been charming, should have showed a real ability to connect with the people he wanted to convert. and, you know what? he should have been handsome. he should have stayed jamie campbell bower tbfh. people follow a pretty face. 

the point is he seemed like a caricature, an obvious villain. not somebody i can believe could genuinely win so many people over to his cause. you can’t just tell me he’s seductive and then make me watch pasty johnny depp make vague, empty speeches the whole time. not good enough.

dumbledore

i mean, i don’t have a problem with jude law. i think he did a pretty good job. so there’s that going for him. 

too bad they were off with.....pretty much everything else.

i’ll stick with my two biggest complaints, i guess. the first is that it makes no sense for dumbledore to be out here talking to anyone who asks about his sister and his relationship with grindelwald. the whole thing in dh was that nobody knew he’d ever been affiliated with grindelwald -- his oldest friends refused to believe it. it happened over the course of one summer, they kept their plans secret, and it ended in disaster. and we know dumbledore never talked about that shit, not till he fuckin died. so why would some ministry dude be able to waltz in and say, yeah, we know u and grindelwald were close as brothers, and why would dumbledore respond that they were closer?? why would he ever disclose that??? that was secret fuckin information my dudes

same with ariana. i get the spin on empathy, but i don’t see him just casually bringing up his sister to leta. maybe i’m wrong on this one, idfk, maybe he would use ariana as an example to relate to a hurting student -- but i have a hard time imagining him bringing it up like that. it’s his shame. seems to me like another one of those things he’d avoid mentioning unless he absolutely had to. 

and then. then there’s the whole fuckin grindelwald relationship thing in the first place.

i get that they’re trying to correct themselves. “you calling dumbledore gay without making any real references to it in canon does not count as representation,” we said, so now they’re making it real clear. but, really? really? you think dumbledore would look into the mirror of erised and see the current grindelwald? you think grindelwald is the deepest and greatest desire of his heart, and not, idk, his family, whole and unharmed? you think his love for grindelwald defines him more than any of his other motivations? no. bullshit.

as far as i can tell, they made dumbledore’s gayness central to his character in this story -- which is just as bad as not acknowledging it at all. because his relationship with grindelwald doesn’t define him, it certainly isn’t more important to him than his grief for his family, and he has plenty of motivation and character that doesn’t stem directly from his encounter with grindelwald, so (as tempting as it might be for mediocre storytellers) to spin his entire characterization in the fantastic beasts arc around the fact that he was gay for grindelwald when he was 17 is not only a disservice to his character, it’s also just shallow writing.

[habitatforhufflepuffs]

Fantastic Beasts???

Spoilers for Crimes of Grindelwald, obviously.

Okay, so I already made a longer post about this movie & the general things I liked & didn’t like about it, but I wanted to talk about the one thing that irritated me the most about this movie. I would like to clarify that I absolutely loved the movie. LOVED. LOVED. LOVED. 

That being said, it’s a gigantic clusterfuck of characters and plots. And I know that it’s setting up for future movies and there’s obviously a reason for it moving forward. It was just WAY TOO GODDAMN MUCH to be introduced at once. 

First you have the main storyline of Grindelwald’s cause and trying to recruit Credence. Then you have the subplot of Credence and Nagini trying to track down Credence’s birth parents. Simultaneously you have Theseus and the ministry following Grindelwald and Credence and kind of Newt as well. 

At the same time while all of these plots are occurring, you’re trying to develop relationships simultaneously. Namely Queenie & Jacob wanting to be married but not being allowed to, Tina & Newt who have seemingly stopped talking with very little explanation, and Theseus & Newt’s complicated dynamic as well as Newt & Leta’s backstory and the weird dynamic between those three. At the same time, you’re trying to explain Grindelwald and Dumbledore’s complicated history, and why Dumbledore needs Newts’s help in defeating Grindelwald. 

Then, as if that wasn’t enough going on all at once, they throw in ANOTHER plot about this man Yusuf Kama, who I’m sorry, could have been left out of the movie altogether and it wouldn’t have made a goddamn difference. Like the entire scene of Credence is Leta Lestrange’s long lost brother, just kidding no he’s not, wait who is he then???? was completely unnecessary. Legitimately the only reason that plot is in the movie is to serve as a red herring until you find out at the end that Credence is actually Albus Dumbledore’s long lost brother, and maybe so Leta had something to do in the movie. 

And the scene itself was a clusterfuck of confusion. I know an alarming amount of information about the HP universe, and even I had to go back and read the screenplay to understand what the fuck was happening in that scene. Mainly because it was all happening so fast and we’re led to believe Credence is Corvus Lestrange for a most of the movie only to then find out that, oh wait, nope, Corvus is dead, nvm. 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Leta, and I am 100% here for the whole story of her thinking she’s a monster because she accidentally killed her brother. But the fact that they entwined it with the Credence story and made you think the entire movie that Credence is Leta’s brother only to then find out that he’s not was very hard to follow. And trying to follow whose father had a child with whose mother and who was half-siblings to who was very very confusing when it’s being told at such a rapid pace. 

I will add, that when you read the screenplay, it makes much more sense. Especially considering the flashback sequence when they’re on the boat, in the screenplay they actually explain that Credence’s aunt was on the ship and that she ended up on one life raft with Corvus, while Leta, Irma and Credence ended up on another. 

I just wish that they hadn’t entwined that storyline with Credence’s. It was just WAY too many characters and relationships and plot lines going on and crossing all at once. I think I would’ve preferred if they had left the Yusuf/Leta/Corvus storyline until the next movie, and just focussed on Newt/Leta/Theseus and Credence’s parentage in this one. 

I get that there’s obviously a timeline, and that JK has certain things that need to be established by certain points, and that obviously things had to happen in this movie in order for other things to happen in the next. It was just very convoluted and busy (and I didn’t even mention Nicolas Flamel or Newt’s assistant).

Also, how did Grindelwald even know that Credence was Dumbledore’s brother and not Corvus Lestrange? Because up until the mausoleum scene, Leta was the only person who knew that they had been switched, and in FB1 Grindelwald doesn’t even know Credence is the obscurial, not to mention that he’s Dumbledore’s brother. Not a lot of time passes between movies so like when did he figure all this shit out, and how?? 

Also, does anyone have a weird feeling that Corvus isn’t actually dead, and is going to become a plot point at some point in the next three movies?? idk I just can’t see them going through all of this, introducing Leta and Yusuf, and telling their whole story only to reveal that it has nothing to do with Credence and then kill Leta??? 

Idk it was just a big gigantic clusterfuck of plots and characters that had no time to actually develop properly because of how much was going on. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely loved the movie and there were many many things that I thought were FANTASTIC. And even having so many plots and characters, I still loved the storyline. I just didn’t have enough time to settle with anything before we were jumping on to something else and everything was being turned on it’s head. 

I will say that Jude Law was a fantastic Dumbledore, and they did a good job at balancing just how much was happening. It was just too much for one movie for me. Regardless, my inner Hufflepuff heart was screaming the entire time & I cannot wait to see where this clusterfuck goes. And honestly, even if it’s a clusterfuck, it’s a clusterfuck that I a 100% in love with and am 100% here for. Thank u for listening to me ramble. If anyone wants to ramble with me, feel free to message me, or shoot me an ask. I need someone to scream with. 

thank u, next. 

[metalandmagi]

February Media Madness!

Hello and welcome to “see how I wasted my time” the post where I keep track of all the media I consume in a month. If you’re new here, this is mainly just my excuse to shout into the void about my feelings on things I’ve watched or read in a month. And it’s almost been a year!

Movies!

Ocean’s 8: Sandra Bullock assembles a team of ladies to steal a super fancy diamond necklace. As someone who has never seen an Ocean’s movie before, I thought this was fun. I like heists, and I LOVE jewel heists. The characters are all great, not particularly deep, but they don’t have to be. And Anne Hathaway steals the show. However, there’s a glaring problem with this movie, and it’s the fact that everything seems ridiculously easy for them, taking away any sense of tension. There’s a lot of points where things should cause significant problems but...don’t. So if you stop asking questions and just go with it, it’s a good time. 7/10

Boku no Hero Academia- Two Heroes: It’s the BNHA version of Die Hard. Seriously, All Might and a bunch of other heroes and citizens are taken hostage by villains in a skyscraper, and the most popular characters from the UA class have to save them. And it’s good. Just like the show. I’ve never gotten hyped up for this series as much as everyone else seems to, but it’s enjoyable and the movie has more of the good action and fun characters! I did feel like it went on a little long, and I wish we had gotten more of the characters doing stuff on the island instead of mainly just the villain plot. I think it’s because it reminded me a lot of the vacation arc in Assassination Classroom. But whatever, it’s still fun and worth watching. 7/10

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: Awkward magizoologist Newt Scamander accidentally releases a bunch of magical creatures into 1920s New York and must round them all up with the help of lovable muggle/no-maj Jacob Kowalski. And there’s some horror movie type stuff going on with a creepy kid and Grindelwald in disguise. It’s the spin-off/prequel to Harry Potter that we all know and...love? I know some people resent this movie just for existing, but I like it. I like the creatures. I like going to new places in the wizarding world. I like Newt. I like Tina. I LOVE Queenie and Jacob, both separately and together. The plot is a little...stretched, but I don’t mind that much. And no one had the good sense to keep Colin Farrell as Grindelwald. However, I haven’t seen the second movie yet, so I should probably have my Harry Potter super fan card revoked. I honestly think that this could have been a fine stand alone movie or maybe a duology, where the second movie focuses on the backstory between Dumbledore and Grindelwald, and Grindelwald’s rise to power. I certainly don’t need five movies of this though, and I think everyone would rather see a prequel of Harry Potter’s parents in the marauders era instead. Oh well, I still like this movie for what it is. I just don’t need five of them. 7.5/10

How to Train Your Dragon 2: Five years after the viking village of Berk has accepted dragons instead of fighting them, a mysterious villain with a dragon army wants to...idk take over the world or something, so naturally it’s up to a wiry 20 year old Hiccup to stop the seemingly inevitable war. I love this movie, both as a sequel and a solid story in a trilogy. It has its issues, mainly the fact that it glorifies/glosses over absentee parents and its final act seems like it was hastily rewritten as a merchandising opportunity...but dang other than that I can’t really say anything bad about it. I’m even one of the few people who like the side characters. The time jump feels natural, and I liked seeing everything come together after watching the TV series. It also of course has great music, stunning animation, and a lot of heart and effort put into every minute. I alsothink this sequel has an interesting message about how different people view peace and war and whether or not people are capable of change. So yeah, this is one of those series that I think has something for everyone. 9/10

The Lego Movie 2- The Second Part: Five years after the first Lego movie ends with “aliens” invading, the Lego universe has become a post-apocalyptic society where everything is not awesome. And after another invasion, all the important characters except Emmet get kidnapped, and he has to save everyone from an...evil(?) queen. But really it’s a story about getting along and seeing things from other people’s perspectives. It’s fun, and it has incredibly creative music (and please for the sake of all that is good, watch the credits song). But there are times when I wished it wouldn’t lean so heavily on the...fourth wall breaking from the first movie. I felt like I would have completely understood what must be happening outside the Lego world to drive the plot, and then they would just cut to the human characters to explain everything. But it’s still a great time and hilarious as expected. 8/10

Books!

(To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before) P.S I Still Love You by Jenny Han: The second book in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy. It serves to give you a glimpse into Lara Jean and Peter’s life as a couple. It’s like a sweet slice of life anime where some notable things occur, like the hot tub video plot that was in the movie happens AND JOHN AMBROSE MCCLAREN SHOWS UP..but there’s no real plot. And that’s fine! This was a super fun read, just like the first one, and John Mcclaren is amazing. There’s really only one major problem I have with this book, and it’s Gen’s and Lara Jean’s relationship. Throughout the book LJ knows something bad is happening with Gen’s family. We know that Peter is still Gen’s friend and promised her he wouldn’t say anything, which is justifiable as something friends do! I wish we could have seen Peter trying to convince Gen to apologize or explain the situation to LJ, but it is what it is. However, we also know Gen did something truly terrible in posting the hot tub video, and literally nothing going on in her personal life or her past justifies her being a life ruining bitch just because she feels bad. So what I really wanted to see was LJ marching up to her and saying “I know you’re going through something, but you ruined my fucking life for no apparent reason, so I demand an apology and an explanation” like the boss she is. And, as anyone who watched the movie knows, Gen tries to be the martyr and gain sympathy by placing the blame on LJ because of something that happened in FREAKING MIDDLE SCHOOL!  I cannot stress enough how out of line Gen’s character is, and no amount of hastily garnered sympathy or backstory reveals will make her better. But yeah other than that, it was very enjoyable. And if Lara Jean doesn’t want John Ambrose Mcclaren, then I’ll take him. 8/10

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo: It’s the start of a new series in Bardugo’s “Grishaverse”. And yes you absolutely need to read both the Grisha Trilogy and the Six of Crows duology to read this. KoS centers around the now King Nikolai Lanstov who has been possessed by a monster created by the Darkling. Also Ravka is once again on the brink of war, Nikolai must think about getting married, and there’s a cult that wants the Darkling to made a saint. But actually, this book is split into three different stories: one following Nikolai and Zoya trying to get rid of the monster, one following Nina on a secret mission in Fjerda, and one following what's happening in Ravka while Nikolai is away. So basically, one part Nina being a badass, one part eldritch horror story, and one part The Prince and The Pauper. And it was pretty good...except for the fact that I understood almost none of Nikolai and Zoya’s story after the second half of the book. I wasn’t into the...saint business because it seemed so out of place for this series. I also feel like she missed out on some great characters meeting each other. Oh well, it’s still a great study in world building and character interactions, the ending is buck wild, and Nina continues to be a bisexual disaster...so it’s worth it. 8/10

The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis: Several decades before the Pevensies stepped through the wardrobe, young Digory Kirke (aka the Professor) and Polly Plummer are roped into a traumatizing adventure of their own. Only instead of saving Narnia, they accidentally release a younger but just as intimidating Jadis from her own dying world into London, and in an attempt to get her out of Earth, end up letting her loose in the newly created Narnia. This is probably the book with the most similarities to TLTWATW, with a truly terrifying villain, a winding but whimsical plot, and a lot of humor. Digory and Polly are the most well written children so far. They are both hilarious great characters in their own ways, and I love seeing them fight and make up like actual kids who are friends. While Digory has to go through his own redemption arc similarly to Edmund, Polly is always there as the voice of the audience telling him to not be a dumbass. Not to mention whenever he tries to get away with saying something sexist, she’s shuts him down like a badass. And there’s also a London cabby who literally tells Aslan that he’ll be king of Narnia if his awesome wife gets to come too...and there’s a horse named Strawberry that turns into a Pegasus. So what’s not to like? People may complain about all the religious metaphors and creationism, but come on lighten up. At least it’s not horribly racist, and you’ll long for the simple biblical similarities when you’re faced with the layers of religious offense in The Last Battle. 9/10

The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis (mild spoilers): The final book in the Chronicles of Narnia series, in which the world ends because a talking ape convinces a donkey to dress up as Aslan to trick all the Narnians into giving them stuff. There’s a lot more to this plot, but those are the basics. There is a TON of stuff to unpack in this epic conclusion, and this isn’t even the half of it.

This book seems like the Last Jedi for this series, in that some people are incredibly moved by it and are very happy with the conclusion our main characters have been given, and some people think it’s a pile of crap. I think there is good in this book. But, putting aside my good feelings for a second, THE LAST BATTLE IS ONE OF THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLY RACIST THINGS I’VE EVER READ...voluntarily anyway. Seriously, if you thought The Horse and His Boy was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet. There are many layers of why this particular plot in the series is so offensive I could write essays on why this book should be thrown out the window. Not to mention the Susan problem. So I'll say, that even though there were good things in this book, it doesn't excuse...everything else. Also Eustace isn’t as snarky in this one...I miss my sarcastic sass boy.

HOWEVER, unlike some people, I think it was exactly the conclusion that the series has been leading up to since the beginning. I think the plot of an imposter Aslan and the effect it would have on Narnians is cool. And much like the book of Revelation, the end of the world is weird, confusing, and dark as fuck considering this is a children’s book. He invokes an amazing sense of fear and sadness, considering we just saw the birth of Narnia in the last book. And I am one of the people who loved the last few pages. It was an interesting take on heaven, theology, and the questions of “is Aslan also Tash? Is one religion better? Are all gods the same?” are dealt with very well considering that was one of the most problematic aspects of the book. I love literally all the characters you can think of reuniting in the end...except for Susan. I will say, Susan no longer being a friend of Narnia was led up to throughout the other books, and I think what Polly says about her wanting to be grown up rings true...in a sense. What we really need is a new series for Susan where she becomes a friend of Narnia again and gets her happy ending, rather than just “oh look makeup, guess I can’t be in Narnia anymore.” AND YET Lewis finally abandoned the idea of “girls shouldn’t be fighting” and made Jill a super secret ninja spy/badass archer warrior woman. So...I can’t even say it’s as sexist as the other books. There’s also a male talking unicorn who is best friends with the current king...and it kind of seems like they have a thing for each other...so there’s that.

Some people are angry that it is so religiously based and the allegories are so in your face, but at this point if you're reading the Chronicles of Narnia and are upset that there's religion in it, I don't know what to tell you. Truthfully, I thought he did the allegory for the church controlling the population very well, and the idea judgement based on whether you actively hate Aslan instead of being about how you’re either a good or bad person was so cool and different. But honestly, I just don't know what to feel. I'm happy for the characters in the end...I liked the overall idea of this final book...but man it can be super uncomfortable to the point that I don’t even want to rate it.

TV Shows!

Kitten Rescuers: Why yes, it is the incredibly wholesome British TV show about the RSPCA going around and rescuing cats from bizarre and/or dangerous situations, like being stuck up chimneys or drain pipes. And yes, it is the purest thing you will ever watch, even with My Roommate is a Cat in the running as the best cat themed show of the year. I don’t care if it seems like a big commercial for the RSPCA sometimes, I just want to see some cute kittens get their happy endings. My only complaint is that there’s only 8 episodes on Netflix, and I’m desperate for more. 100 adorable feline friends/10

Re: Zero Starting Life in Another World: You know, the anime everyone lost their shit over in 2016? The isekai where the main protagonist keeps re-spawning every time he dies in the fantasy world he is magically transported to and does nothing but suffer? But hey it has those two twin maids with the pink and blue hair in it so it’s all fine? That one. The English dub finally released the second half of the show, so I finished it. AND YES THE DUB IS ACTUALLY GOOD! And the show is fine too. But I feel like I sort of...lost the gist of why everything was happening in those last 12 episodes. However, there was a lot to like about this series overall, and yes Rem truly is best girl. I was just more invested in the first half of the series. 8/10

Honorable Mentions

I watched Christopher Robin again...and I still love it.

I read the first volume of the Tsurune light novel. It’s fine, but I liked the anime better.

Shadowhunters is back for its final...half season?

I’m currently watching The Umbrella Academy, and it’s AMAZING! I can’t wait to finish it!

The Masked Singer (U.S version) has finally ended. And now there’s a trashy hole in my heart.