#there's a whole reddit thread about 'is my professor a serial killer???'
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sergeant-angels-trashcan · 4 years ago
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Dean and Sam have to infiltrate the college in Scream Queens, go
oh jesus fuck how do you always do this to me??? this is INCREDIBLE there are 2 options of course: early seasons Sam and Dean and later seasons Sam and Dean 
Early Seasons Sam and Dean go undercover as students and rush the Dickie Dollar Scholars frat. Sam is like "I have done the College before, I know and understand the culture" and then promptly fails to be accepted by the Dickie Dollar Scholars. Dean, who was running a prison after being an inmate for a day, is wholeheartedly accepted by the Dickie Dollar Scholars despite actively hating golf. He and Boone are bone buddies. Dean and Chad collectively Do Not Understand Sexual or Gender Norms and they would absolutely have bro sex? It’s OKAY for them to have sex because neither of them are gay! It’s just two straight dudes going to pound town. Enjoying how absolutely ripped the other is. But it’s NOT GAY, Chanel. What, are you saying two dudes, two bros, two completely heterosexual guys can’t have sex with each other without is suddenly becoming a gay thing? That’s Not Cool, Chanel. What man doesn’t want to bone or get boned by his friend every once in a while? Are you saying men don’t want that, Chanel? Are you trying to say that my good buddy Dean Winchester isn’t a real man just because he likes to suck a dick every now and then? Well, then you must not think I’M a real man because guess what, Chanel? I like to suck a dick every now and then, too! That’s really small minded of you, Chanel. I don’t think I can date someone like that. 
Meanwhile literally everyone else is just. Staring. Grace is BEGGING you two to take a gender and sexuality studies class, oh my GOD. And Sadie!Chanel (i don’t remember their numbers!!!) is like, no, no, I totally get that. She pulls out her phone and starts googling stuff for Dean and Chad, Meanwhile Chanel is like, GOD, why is everyone so INTO sex, it’s like. Ugh. WhY! WHY AM I NOT JUST ALLOWED TO BE ARM CANDY! WHY MUST I CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND ALSO SEX! Sadie!Chanel pokes her head up all “hey, wait, you don’t like sex? have you thought maybe you’re asexual?” “UH NO I’M NOT ASEXUAL I ABSOLUTELY HAVE A VAGINA” “that’s not what asexual means chanel”. and it’s a whole day of Let’s Learn Queer Vocabulary
Sam winds up friends with Zayday and Pete. He and Grace don’t trust one another at all. Chanel is constantly making remarks about how they are Too Tall. Chanel #3 becomes a hunter by the end of it.
I feel like there’s also a lil somthing something between Pete and Dean.
Dean Munch is constantly hitting on Sam.
Denise is constantly trying to teach the boys about self defense (which is hilarious) BUT she knows a lot of obscure lore and winds up doing some hunting of her own. She’s in the FBI later and runs into Sam and Dean on cases all the time and TOTALLY covers for them. She NEVER thinks they are right about what the monster is, but she’s always good at reading people. Also, with as much as Sam and Dean change their aliases, she does NOT ever remember their fake names. She’ll be like “look at these two big white boys, they have to do whatever I say because I’m their boss, ain’t that something? You! Tall one! Sasquatch, i don’t remember your name, go and get me a coffee. Bowlegs, what you laughing for? Don’t you have paperwork to do?” She makes them do paperwork, she thinks it’s only fair if they’re going to pretend to be FBI. Anyway, they love Denise. She’s the one who is like “Dean when are you going to admit you’re in love with that angel?” which prompts a Dean freakout and Sam conference calls Chanel #3 and Charlie to figure out how to talk Dean through his sexuality crisis
The OTHER option is Late Seasons where Sam and Dean go undercover as professors. Obviously it’s easier for Dean to be like, security or cooking with Sam stepping in for a philosophy/religion professor who got killed but I LOVE the idea of Professor Dean Winchester because you KNOW he would be that insane professor that everyone wants in on their classes and every single student is madly in love with him. He doesn’t really want his students to come to class so he tells insane batshit stories from his life experiences as they pertain to the topic of the day, but this OBVIOUSLY backfires and makes him the single most memed professor on campus. He also has a reputation for Big Mom Energy. He sends emails like “hey class, I got thrown into a minivan by a demon-possessed soccer mom so class is cancelled tomorrow. please make sure to do the discussion board questions and come to next class prepared to discuss the significance of cattle mutilations. xoxo Professor Winchester”. THE MAN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO FORMAT PROFESSIONAL EMAILS, WHEN WOULD HE HAVE LEARNED THAT I ASK. He has snacks in his office ALL THE TIME and when he learns one of his students has a wheat allergy suddenly gluten free homemade snacks start appearing.
At some point Crowley stops by and everyone is like “??? is that Prof Winchester’s ex??” because OBVIOUSLY the guy who wears a trench coat and pops up at the most random times and stands super close to Dean is his HUSBAND (”who was that?” asks a student who sees Cas right before Dean’s office hours. “he’s an angel. he pulled me out of hell”. Prof Winchester is OBVIOUSLY a hopeless romantic!! who knew!!!)
meanwhile Sam is Losing His Shit. He keeps texting Eileen, Rowena, and Jody. Dean Munch will Not Stop Hitting On Him. 
I don’t know what the plot is, it’s mostly Shenanigans and soft bois in sweater vests. Claire might pose as a student. With Kevin and Jack. It’s just highkey chaos for them while Dean and Sam are being the most abnormally normal people they’ve ever been
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