#there's a dick joke somewhere in there i'm too tired to elaborate on

[demonwebs]

@faebhaal 💋🔪

❝ let me play with your pigtails , then ... i'll be gentle . no tugging . ❞

[willowthefoxxo]

i understand what you're saying, I'm NOT telling you to just let go of your trauma. I was telling you to let go of THIS SPECIFIC BLOG. From what I know, if you just come up to them with like one ask saying "hey I and a lot of others have really bad trauma with cults, could you tag your content as being related to cults so it can be filtered out by my filtered tags please?" that would be PERFECTLY FINE. And if they refuse, more elaboration and pushiness would be warranted and encouraged. I see that I missed to point where it was warranted, and I'm sorry about that. I understand how hard it is to deal with trauma, I've been physically attacked with the goal to hurt me by my own family members before. I'm not saying to let go of the trauma, I know it's not really possible. Believe me, I've tried my darndest to do that. I'm saying to let go of this little issue of someone using cult jokes in a "holy shit i love this character so much" way. If it's untagged stuff that's triggering to you and/or other people, ask the OP to tag it. Just don't send them ask after ask after ask berating them for it unless they're being hostile and you have the energy and mental clarity to deal with a mean dumbass. Taking care of your own mental health is a thing that factors into dealing with this stuff too. And I tend to be kinda confrontational sometimes too, but I'm trying to get out of the habit of being TOO confrontational. There is a point where it becomes too much on BOTH SIDES. Whenever I deal with a conflict, I prefer to sit somewhere in the middle. Both because I can get the most info on the situation doing that, and because I'm horrifically terrified of pissing people off due to my mom. (at least when I'm not grumpy and sleep-deprived and in constant pain) I will usually look at both the faults of both sides and how both sides are hurt. In my original post I neglected to do that cuz I was tired and grumpy because I'm on my period and also it was past midnight when I posted that, and I am really sorry about that. I recognize that I shouldn't have been trying to talk about this stuff in that state and that I was being a fuckin idiot, and I recognize that I came off as more of an asshole than I meant to and that I said some shit I didn't mean and in ways I didn't mean to and that my intentions were very unclear.

And I recognize the danger of the kind of modern cults you brought up- I've recently found it to be a subject that I want to research and learn more about, especially since I personally know some people who are currently undergoing the experience of being a non-cishet kid in a modern Christianity-esque religious cult. I know how hard it is to deal with that and I'm trying my best to help those people. The issue I was looking at at the time is this person is being really freaking aggressive over this specific thing. I understand that you were hurt, but I also recognize that, at least from my perspective, you were kinda being a dick about it. I may have missed something that fucked up my judgement, and if I did I'm really sorry about that and I will completely welcome any explanations or elaborations you can give on the situation. And I know I'm more desensitized to stuff, I'm so used to living in traumatizing situations I didn't even know were traumatizing that it's become just part of life for me. And I'm the kind of person who jokes about my trauma as a coping mechanism. Now it is a really bad coping mechanism, but there's not much else I can do right now.

I'll happily welcome this as a learning experience and I do understand that I done fucked up. I do stand by my statement that you were being way meaner than what seemed to be warranted, but I also know that I said some stuff I don't stand by and that I was being kinda stupid. People say stupid shit they don't mean sometimes, and that includes me. And I deeply apologize for any stupid shit I said. If there's anything I can do to make if up to you, I'll do it.

I also want to say that I've learned to deal with things like this in a very different way than most people. I've always tended to flip flop between being a yes man and agreeing with everything even when I know I'm letting myself be hurt, and being a stubborn screaming asshole that refuses to shut up. I'm still trying to get out of those habits and have the right balance, but it's kinda hard to fix everything that caused me to be like that. And if you have any advice for things like this, I will gladly listen to it. I realize that I have a really bad feeling that I have to fix everything and I have to meditate everything and I have to be everyone's therapist friend and I have to be the level-headed one, and that need to always do the right thing and always be perfect and always make everyone happy is taking a toll on me, but it's really frickin hard to back out of. And I'm not saying any of this as an excuse, I'm saying this to explain why I did what I did. Since I also have a crippling urge to explain every single thing I do to the nth degree because if I didn't do that for my mom then I either got put under really strict surveillance, grounded, or beat. I want to let you know why I make the mistakes I do, or at least tell you everything I know about why I make mistakes like this. And I want to listen to your explanation of this situation and possibly learn from you and other people who are/were involved. I tend to be a really weird mix of apathetic and overly emotional and it flip-flops a lot, as does my mood. And I want help learning to fix that. I want to learn about dealing with situations like this, and about how things like affect people, and how I can fix mistakes like this. I feel like there might be some things I didn't address since I'm so scatterbrained, so if there's anything I didn't address that you want me to address, please tell me. And I apologize again, for every mistake I made here. It's always been hard for me to apologize normally because the "apologies" I've been forced to say in the past were usually more like begging for mercy after any slight fuck-up, but I'll try my best to help fix what I did.

And I am VERY sorry if it seems like I'm making this about myself, I'm not trying to do that but at the same time I feel like I have to explain everything perfectly and i have to be right on this perfect line in the middle or everyone's gonna hate me. I recognize that we have differences and the ignoring triggering stuff may work for me, but not always for others. And I'm sorry I acted like that, I'm severely wishing right now that I stayed out of this and didn't post that.

why exactly are you so dead set on using the term cult anyway? what exactly does the word "cult" have that other alternatives don't? seriously ask yourself this question and then reflect it on real life instances of cults and ask if you would say the same thing. because with how you're responding to me it doesn't seem like you're actually taking it seriously at all, assigning roles like "blood ritualist" doesn't seem like something you'd do if you took cults seriously either, i don't understand

why do you care so much?