#there's a couple with their moles visible and that's good enough idc | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lordofassgard · 6 years ago

Text

Spaces Between Us

Requested: | yes | no |

anonymous said: your imagines are BEAUTIFUL UGHH !! Can you please do a Taehyung one, really angsty idc what it’s about but with a fluffy ending, tysm 💜

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader (gender neutral)

Summary: there are only a few things taehyung knows in life. his name, where he was born, that he’s in love with you and that he’s terrible at expressing his feelings

Genre: non idol!au, angst, fluff

Warnings: creepy dude at a club, mentions of alcohol, cursing

Word Count: 9k

A/N: thank you for the request, i hope i delivered the fluffy ending you asked for. for the 355734th time, this is based on real life events and i’m pretty sure this is my longest work lmao. the title is kinda meh but it was the best i could come up with. anyway, it took some tiime but it’s here. i hope you enjoy :)

masterlist in bio

gif credits to bloombwi

You don't remember exactly when or where you met Taehyung. He had always been there at parties when you hung out with your friends and even in some of your classes. Sometimes he was the life of the party, a mood maker. Other times, he stayed in the back, away from everyone leaning against the wall, hoping it’d swallow him whole for him to never return. It depended on his mood and you picked up on it. You picked up on a lot of things about Taehyung for some reason. Like how easy he was to spot in a crowd. All you had to do was look for a gray hoodie because he’d probably be the one wearing it. Or the cute mole on the tip of his nose, or how sleepy he’d always look in the morning.

What you do remember is how everything started between the two of you. It was with a simple look from across the room and a smile. It was one of those days where he didn’t feel happy enough to brighten up the entire room but not moody enough to have a frown on his face that kept everyone away from him.

At first, you weren’t sure if he was smiling at you but after looking around, you confirmed it. It was odd, the two of you had never shared more than a few words like hellos and casual conversations started by one of your common friends, mostly Hoseok. According to Jimin, probably Taehyung’s best friend (that was if he considered anyone from your group a friend) it took a while for Taehyung to warm up to people.

After the eye contact, you took the matters into your own hands and sat down next to him in class. He was visibly tense but didn't say anything, his hands two alien things attached to his arms since he didn’t know what to do with them. This went on for a couple of classes, his reaction always the same so you thought you might have read the signs wrong and switched seats once again. Maybe he was just trying to be nice and you took it too far. But then, he switched seats plopping down on the chair next to yours with a cup of coffee in his large hands. It surprised you and it made you happy. Maybe Taehyung was warming up to you.

During the lecture, you almost dozed off a couple of times with your cheek resting on the palm of your hand. It wasn't that you didn't care about the lecture, you were just tired. A small nudge made you open your eyes and a cup of coffee appeared in your vision.

“Americano, no sugar.” Taehyung’s deep voice whispered.

You stared at the cup for a few seconds surprised, before taking it. It was the first time Taehyung had spoken to you, aside from casual conversations that consisted of nods and “I know right?” every once in a while.

“Thank you.” You looked up at him, noticing the tips of his ears had turned pink but you didn’t mention it.

Taehyung didn't reply, just a small hum acknowledging your words. Once you sipped the coffee, you almost spit it into the back of the person sitting in front of you. What kind of monster drank his coffee with no sugar? A small chuckle coming from Taehyung’s lips indicated that your reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed, which made you slump down in your seat embarrassed.

The day after that, you brought Taehyung a cup of coffee exactly like the one he had handed to you the previous day. Americano, no sugar. You placed it on the seat next to yours and waited for him to arrive. Halfway through the lecture, you realized he wasn’t going to show up. The coffee had gone cold in the meantime and once class was dismissed, you threw the untouched drink into the trash with a frown.

It wasn't unusual for Taehyung to skip lectures every once in a while. He had admitted it a few times as you and your friends hung out that sometimes he just didn't feel like showing up. It wasn't anything new, so there was no reason for you to be disappointed but you couldn't help but feel sad. After all, you weren’t even friends.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

Taehyung wasn't exactly popular, but a lot of people knew who he was mostly because of his good looks. He had his own little fan club of freshmen who crushed on him. Taehyung paid no mind, not even sparing them a glance. He loved the attention he got, maybe a little too much but that was it. It was like he had this desperate need to be liked by others whether he knew them or not.

And that didn't go unnoticed by you, like a lot of other things about Taehyung. The extreme moods along with the need for attention seemed to be covering up something darker, that he kept hidden from everyone. You considered asking Jimin but didn't for two reasons. One, he’d blow things out of proportion and probably think the two of you had been in love for years and were planning to run away and marry in Vegas or something. And two, it wasn’t any of your business.

It wasn't only until a few days after he skipped the lecture that you saw Taehyung again. It was Friday and everyone agreed to go out to relieve some stress. Jungkook had fallen ill, probably from eating his own cooking so Jin stayed back to take care of him and Namjoon had a date. So that left you, Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok and Taehyung, the designated driver.

You quickly walked over to the bar while everyone else went straight to the dance floor. You wanted a drink first, knowing that with alcohol flowing through your veins you’d have a bit more fun. Besides, alcohol cleared your mind and God knows how much you needed to since you had spent the entire week trying to understand Taehyung and you needed to get him out of your head. One drink turned into two, then three and then four. That was when you decided to go to the dance floor, hopefully finding the others but you were tipsier than you thought, immediately leaning against the counter for support as you waited for the room to stop spinning.

“Is this seat taken?” Someone asked.

It took you a bit to answer the stranger’s question, a small “no” coming out of your parted lips.

“Are you here alone?”

“I came with my friends.”

He looked around with an amused smirk on his face, before looking back at you.

“I don’t see anyone.”

“They’re probably dancing.”

You didn't realize how close the stranger had gotten until his knee was touching your thigh. Instinctively, you took a step back, bumping into someone’s side but whoever it was just pushed you back, sending you straight into the stranger’s arms.

“Careful there.” He chuckled, helping you stand up, although his hands stayed dangerously low on your hips.

“Thank you.” You tried to step back, to put some distance between you and the intimidating stranger, but his hands kept you in place.

The more you tried to step back, the more his grip tightened, probably enough to bruise. You looked around uncomfortable hoping you’d spot your friends or that your eyes would meet someone, anyone that could get you out of that situation. That was until someone wrapped their arm around your shoulders.

“Hey babe, I was looking for you.” You tensed up before realizing it was just Taehyung, a sigh of relief escaping your lips.

“Do you know him?” The stranger asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.” You confirmed.

He retreated his hands from your hips before grabbing a drink you didn't even notice he had ordered and left annoyed. After he was out of your sight, you allowed yourself to relax and turned to Taehyung.

“Thank you.”

“Do you wanna get some air?” He asked as he took in your state.

You nodded and let him guide you through the crowd. The temperature outside the club was way colder making you shiver. Taehyung noticed, draping his gray hoodie over your shoulders and you put your arms through the sleeves. It wasn't much warmer but it was enough for you to stop shaking.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You nodded and sat down on the sidewalk.

Taehyung frowned, probably finding the place where you decided to sit odd, but sat next to you either way, your shoulders touching. Now that you found yourself next to him again, the thoughts you so desperately tried to drink away came back and this time, you weren’t holding them back.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” You pointed out.

“I know.” Taehyung sighed.

“I missed you.”

There was no way that sober you would ever say that, not to Taehyung at least. Sure that he had been around forever but the two of you weren’t exactly close.

“I think you missed my bitter coffee more.” He chuckled, a slightly teasing tone evident in his voice.

“No, it sucked.” You scrunched up your face “I thought you didn’t like me anymore.” You pouted.

You could see the gears turning in his head as he studied you attentively. Taehyung seemed surprised as if he had never heard those words coming from someone that meant them. Maybe he was surprised because you were the one who said them. Or maybe it was both. He had turned his body to you and you unconsciously had done the same. No one said anything over the faint sound of the music coming from the club as you stared at each other lost in your own thoughts.

And then he kissed you. With the music as background and the people waiting in line as witnesses. There was nothing romantic about it really, but it was enough for your fuzzy mind to love it. Once he pulled away, both of you out of breath with swollen lips, Taehyung brought a hand up to your face, caressing your cheek gently.

“There’s nothing you can do to make me not like you.” He whispered as if he was afraid someone else, or maybe even you heard it.

With his face illuminated by the pink neon light coming from the sign that spelled out the club’s name, one that you never bother to learn, Taehyung looked like an angel. Something sent to you by someone far more powerful than you to reward you for something you did in your past life. That was the only way someone like Taehyung could ever be in your life.

“This is the only time I can tell you this.” He started.

You looked at him confused and waited for him to explain.

“Because you’re drunk and there’s no way I’d ever tell you this when you’re sober.” He paused “I really hope you don’t remember this in the morning.” His thumb caressed your cheek one last time before his hand dropped to his lap.

Taehyung was indeed an angel. He had the looks of one and for a while, you thought he had been sent to you. But you were wrong, so wrong. Taehyung wasn't sent, Taehyung fell. Because Taehyung was no ordinary angel, he was the devil.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

You remembered everything and that moment kept playing in your head like a broken record. At first, you thought you wouldn’t say anything. After all, he hoped you wouldn’t remember. But he kissed you and that had to mean something. You spent the entire weekend debating if you should say something or not.

Monday morning, when you walked into the lecture hall, you spotted Taehyung. The seat next to him was empty and you debated if you should sit next to him. Since you were supposed to act as if nothing happened, you plopped down on the seat next to him, greeting him with a small smile. For once you paid attention because the need to say something grew every second and you were supposed to keep quiet. But how could you, when the feeling of his lips against yours was the only thing you could think of? How could you, when your heart was screaming at you to do something?

So when class ended, you followed Taehyung outside and called out his name. He turned around his hands deep in the pockets of the same hoodie you had worn two days prior, as he hesitantly asked if you needed anything.

“I remember.” You blurted out.

His eyes widened but he tried to conceal his surprise.

“I-I was lying.”

He turned back and started walking, fast steps hoping to get away from you but you caught up to him and grabbed his arm preventing him from leaving.

“No, you weren’t.” You shook your head.

“I was. I was thinking about someone else. Now let me go.”

Shocked by his words, you loosened your grip on his arm which allowed him to free himself.

“But...I like you.” You mumbled, hoping he’d hear you and have the heart to turn around and say something.

He heard you and stopped dead in his tracks once your words hit him. You could see him struggle on whether to turn around or not but he kept walking, his bag slung over one of his shoulders that bounced with every step he took. And you stood there, unable to react as people walked around you and the crowd of students leaving the building hid Taehyung from your sight.

“(Y/N)” Yoongi called but you didn’t turn around “What are you doing in the middle of the hallway?”

You snapped out of your thoughts and registered Yoongi’s words.

“I uh, I don’t know.” You admitted.

“Is everything okay?” He asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself that you were okay “I think I’m just gonna head back to the dorms and get some rest.”

“Do you want me to walk you there?” He asked concerned.

“No, it’s okay. See you around.”

You didn't wait for an answer and walked through the same place you had seen Taehyung disappear minutes prior. Only this time you weren't going after him, no. Things between you and Taehyung finished before they even started. All you had left to do was forget everything since that night at the party. Then, you'd be okay.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

To you, things had ended in there. You'd get Taehyung and his weird antics out of your head and you’d be able to go back to normal life. If only things were that simple, you would have been okay and although you had enough of Taehyung, he didn't have enough of you. Not yet.

He showed up at your door a couple of days later, alcohol on his breath and for once he wasn’t wearing the gray hoodie. Instead, Taehyung wore a maroon sweater and black sweatpants that almost made him look like a completely different person.

“What are you doing here?” You asked arms crossed over your chest as you looked him up and down “Have you been drinking?”

“I couldn't talk to you sober.” He shook his head “Can I come in?”

“Why?”

“I want to...I want to talk to you. I want to apologize.”

With a sigh, you moved out of the way to let him in and closed the door behind him. Taehyung found his way to the living room and sat on the couch waiting for you to return. You took a seat across from him and waited for him to talk.

“I like you.” He blurted out.

His words caught you off guard. You honestly thought Taehyung came over to apologize for leading you on, not to confess. You were beyond confused as you stared at him with your eyebrows raised.

“You what?”

“I like you.” He paused “I’ve liked you for a while.”

Your reaction was probably everything but what he expected. Taehyung expected that you’d accept his confession or worst-case scenario you’d kick him out while throwing every insult you could think of at him. But you stood still, quiet and wide-eyed as you tried to understand what was going on.

“Where is this coming from? Because if I remember correctly, you were thinking about someone else while kissing me.”

“I was lying.”

“Which time?” You raised your eyebrows.

“When I said I was thinking about someone else. I wasn't. All I could think about was you and your lips and how pretty you looked under those lights. But I’m scared…”

“Scared of what?”

Taehyung hesitated before answering, twiddling with his thumbs in his lap as he avoided eye contact.

“Feelings.” He admitted “People always leave me so I leave them first.”

This new side of Taehyung you were seeing made you uncomfortable. This vulnerability made you shift in your seat, uncertain of what to do. It wasn't that you were bad at comforting people, God knows how many times Jimin had cried in your shoulder over the smallest things and you never let him leave your side until you knew he was feeling better. But to you, Taehyung never seemed like the type to be scared of people leaving him. Looking back at all the years you spent together, some things made sense and although you noticed a lot of things about Taehyung, you wondered how you never noticed that.

You opened your mouth but no words came out. You were quiet for a few more minutes before finally speaking.

“And what do you want to do? Why did you tell me this?”

“I...I want to see if things work out between us.” He finally looked up at you, studying your reaction.

You were happy that Taehyung liked you back, but what he did just to get you away from him in order to protect himself made you hesitate. There was a voice in the back of your head stating that it was a bad idea but your heart was telling you to go for it. So you decided to not to listen to any of them.

“I-I need to think about it.” You replied “It’s a lot to process, I need some time.”

You knew it wasn't what he was hoping for but it was better than rejecting him. Once he left, you swore you could hear him mumble I’m sorry right before he closed the door. You didn't sleep that night, you kept thinking about the pros and cons of being with Taehyung.

It took you three days to grab your phone and call him. He agreed to meet up with you at a park, close to campus the next day at 4 pm. You got there five minutes earlier and waited, your leg bouncing up and down as you realized he was late. Twenty-five minutes after four, when you were about to leave you spotted him running towards you.

“I’m sorry.” He panted “Jimin wouldn’t let me go.”

The two of you sat down and you took a deep breath trying to organize your thoughts. Whatever you said could be interpreted in the wrong way and you had to be very careful with your words.

“I thought a lot about this.” You started “What you did was fucked up but...I’m willing to give you a chance.”

Taehyung seemed to visibly relax and smiled at you. It was probably the first time you had ever seen a smile so genuine on his face. You smiled back and scooted closer to him until your faces were inches apart. His eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips until you decided to press your lips against his. Your heart skipped a beat as he cupped your face lovingly, but your kiss was cut short by a kid yelling ew a few feet away from you. You pulled away to laugh and hid your face in the crook of Taehyung’s neck.

Things were finally okay.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

Taehyung turned out to be as sweet as your heart thought he’d be. Behind those mood shifts was a very sweet boy who was very insecure. You walked on eggshells around him, making sure not to do or say something that’d make him uncomfortable and reassuring him you weren’t going anywhere. Little by little you hoped he’d start opening up to you, showing you his goofy side and allowing himself to strip down from any mask he had to put on as soon as there was more than just the two of you in the room. But that wasn’t the case. Although you shared a lot with him, you didn’t know much about him other than his name, his major and that he had a brother who he didn’t really like to talk about. And you were okay with it, most of the time, Jimin’s words still in your mind for those times where Taehyung’s emotional distance got to you. It’d take a lot of time and patience and for Taehyung, for love, you were willing to wait.

But it didn't take long until things started going wrong. The first time was a few weeks after you started dating. Your group of friends decided to go out to eat, Jimin happily clinging onto Namjoon’s side as you walked towards the restaurant. Taehyung was running late, he had warned Jungkook a few minutes prior and you sat there in silence listening to everyone’s conversations.

“I think Taehyung is seeing someone.” Jimin leaned forward and whispered as if anyone else in the restaurant knew who Taehyung was.

This perked up your attention and you sat up straight, unconsciously leaning forward.

“What makes you think that?” Yoongi asked without looking up from his phone.

“He comes home late and he’s smiling a lot. He’s on his phone all the time.” Jimin paused “I want to know who it is.” He whined with a pout.

You furrowed your eyebrows deep in thought. So Jimin, Taehyung’s best friend, didn’t know who he was dating or if he was dating. You were pulled away from your thoughts when you heard cheering and realized Taehyung had arrived. He didn't even spare you a glance and sat down on the opposite side of the big table where the eight of you were. You were confused but mostly hurt. He was treating you as if you were mere strangers. Someone who you called your boyfriend had pretended you weren’t even there with them.

“You’re really quiet (Y/N)” Jin pointed out at some point during the meal “It doesn’t seem like you.”

“I’m enjoying my food.” You replied.

Your eyes met with Taehyung’s for a brief second but he looked away as if he was scared of being caught looking at you. The conversation kept flowing, Taehyung joining in on the banter every once in a while as you ate in silence. Food became hard to swallow and it tasted bad, probably to the awful taste that had found its home in your mouth ever since Taehyung arrived. After you finished dessert, you excused yourself and left after paying for your meal.

“Is everything okay?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jimin insisted.

“I said I’m fine.” You snapped, regretting it immediately after seeing the look in his eyes “I’m sorry.” You sighed “I’m really tired.”

“It’s okay.” He replied in a small voice.

As you walked back to the dorms you felt like crap. First, you were pretty sure your own boyfriend was embarrassed about your relationship and then you snapped at poor Jimin, letting your frustration out on your concerned friend. Taehyung didn't bother to come after you, or text you, or call you. For the next few days, you deliberately skipped your classes with Taehyung and avoided any kind of contact with him or the rest of your friends.

Almost a week later, he showed up at your door. You were tempted to close the door in his face but for some reason, maybe stupidity, you let him in.

“I haven’t heard from you all week.” Taehyung mumbled against your hair as he wrapped his arms around you.

You didn't react and he found it strange. Under normal circumstances, you would’ve hugged him back and kissed him until you were out of breath and dizzy. Taehyung pulled away enough to look at you and frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

He had the fucking audacity to ask what was wrong. You almost scoffed but refrained from doing so, keeping a stone face and an empty stare.

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“What? No!” He paused “What are you talking about?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” His hands gripped your hips pulling you closer to him “Where is this coming from?”

You watched him attentively, searching his eyes for any evidence that he was lying and knew damn well what you were talking about. But Taehyung looked clueless with a cute wrinkle between his eyebrows caused by his frown that you almost wanted to kiss away.

“When we went out...all of us.” You sighed.

As soon as you opened your mouth, everything started to look pointless. Maybe you were making a big deal out of it. Maybe you were just making things up in your head. But as you watched his face fall and felt his hands leave your hips, you knew something was up.

“I…” He started but cut himself off “I’m not comfortable with the guys seeing that side of me.”

You raised your eyebrows, looking at him as if he was lying straight to your face but what annoyed you was that he wasn’t. You turned a situation that could have been solved with a simple conversation in a drama because you thought he was ashamed.

“I’m sorry.” You sighed “You’re right.”

Taehyung nodded but didn’t say anything. Running a hand through your hair, you extended one of your hands out to him and he grabbed it, pulling you closer.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled again against his neck.

“It’s okay.”

Later, as the two of you cuddled on the couch you couldn't seem to stop thinking about what happened. There was a voice in your head telling you that this was a red flag and you shouldn’t let it slide and as much as you tried to ignore it and focus on the anime the two of you were watching, you couldn’t.

“Oh, by the way…” You spoke “Jimin thinks you’re seeing someone.”

Taehyung’s hand that was rubbing your back stopped moving and his body tensed up.

“He does?” He asked sitting up straight, slightly pushing you off him.

“Yeah.” You nodded “He noticed that you’re coming home late and smiling a lot more.”

“Oh…” That was all he said, before focusing his attention back on your laptop.

You noticed that he was still tense and he stayed that way until he left, with a tight smile and a quick kiss on your forehead. You also noticed that he left earlier than he usually did around 10 pm instead of midnight and he seemed to be in a hurry. Once you closed the door it hit you, he wasn't going home late. Jimin wouldn’t suspect a thing.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

The first two red flags should have been enough for you to stay away from Taehyung. But your dumb and in love self, ignored those red flags and kept dating him in secret. Not a soul besides you and Taehyung knew about it because he wanted it to be that way. And you were okay with it, or at least you convinced yourself you were when all you wanted to do was shout for the world to hear that you loved Taehyung. Two red flags should have been enough and you learned it the hard way. Because four months after you started dating, the third one came along, probably the most painful one.

You were all hanging out at a coffee shop you usually went to, the eight of you squeezed on the same table. You were sitting by the wall, Taehyung sitting next to you, your shoulders and knees touching. You distractedly chatted with Yoongi about something random when you grabbed what you thought was your drink. You were surprised by Taehyung’s hand over yours as he took the drink from your hand.

“That’s Yoongi’s drink. It has almond milk, you’re allergic.” He whispered, handing you your drink.

It was a small gesture, but it warmed your heart and you smiled at him before mumbling a small thank you. Jimin noticed and quickly dropped his conversation with Hoseok, turning to the two of you with a teasing smirk on his lips.

“Tae look at you caring for our little (Y/N)” He gasped “Is it them? The one who you’re seeing behind all our backs.”

With six pairs of eyes on you, you were tempted to say yes because, that was exactly what he was doing. But you were curious to see what he was going to say.

“Ew no.” He scoffed “I have better taste.”

Everyone laughed, not taking what he said seriously and quickly returned to their conversations. You sucked in a breath, trying to control your emotions and not seem affected by your boyfriend’s words. And you sat there until the first person decided to leave, which happened to be Jin and you left with him, without a goodbye or a glance.

Jin insisted on walking you back to your dorm and he talked most of the way there until he noticed you hadn’t uttered a word. Part of you was glad that he ended up walking you home because as you heard him ramble about some stupid prank Jungkook had pulled on him and how the youngest was so disrespectful and that he should have done a better job at raising him, you managed to forget for a bit what had happened back at the coffee shop.

“Are you okay?” Jin asked with a frown “You’re oddly quiet.”

“I’m just listening to you.” You shrugged.

You hoped you sounded convincing but you knew he didn't believe in you.

“If you have any problem, you know you can always talk to me, right? Or any of the guys.”

Your breath hitched in your throat after you heard his words. How could you talk about your problems if your problem was one of the guys? How were you supposed to drop the news to your friends that you had been dating Taehyung behind their backs for four months? All that time it felt like you had been doing something you weren’t supposed to, and that’s what you were starting to think you had actually been doing. You felt betrayed, used, sad, angry and so many other emotions that you weren’t sure if they had names.

You stopped once you realized you were outside your dorm, Jin still looking at you expectantly waiting for you to say something. After contemplating for a few seconds, you took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Come on in, I’ll tell you everything.”

And you did. For twenty-five minutes you told Jin everything since that night at the party where Taehyung kissed you. And for twenty-five minutes Jin sat there shocked and angry as he listened.

“So, yeah that’s it.” You finished, unable to make eye contact “And…” You stopped once you felt like you’d start crying “And I don’t know what to do.”

Jin took a deep breath, probably thinking about any way he could comfort you but for the look on his face he couldn't come up with anything.

“Taehyung has a...different personality, sure.” He started “But I think this is too much even for him. And seeing how much this is affecting you, I think you should…”

“Break up with him?” You cut him off “Yeah, I’ve thought about it too. But then he comes over and it’s like...I forget I was even mad in the first place.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. When it comes to Taehyung, I never do.”

As much as you hated to admit it, it was true. When it came to Taehyung you were defenseless and you’d follow him straight into hell if he asked you to. Not that he would. But the situation you were in already felt like hell. So maybe he did, or maybe Taehyung, Satan himself, had lead you there.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

You had to end things, no matter the cost. You tried everything, you did everything to make him comfortable because you loved him and he loved you. But it wasn’t enough. Your relationship with Taehyung was giving you more stress than happiness and you were starting to feel suffocated. What was the point of dating someone if you had to keep it hidden from the world?

You didn't exactly know how to break it to him. You couldn't yell it at him, but you couldn't hide your anger and disappointment. Taehyung had to know how you felt. So when he showed up at your dorm one night, hands stuffed in the pockets of his gray hoodie and avoiding eye contact, you let him in without saying a word. Taehyung sat down at your kitchen table, something unusual and you sat in front of him. You thought for a few minutes what you should say before opening your mouth.

“I think we should break up.” You finally broke the silence.

Taehyung’s eyes widened as he looked up at you, confused and hurt.

“Why?”

“I think you know why.”

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, his hands balled into fists in his lap.

“So you’re leaving me too?”

His words angered you. You stood up, your chair screeching against the floor as you pushed it back.

“Don’t.” You pointed a finger at him “Don’t blame this on me Taehyung. I gave you everything. I waited for you, I did everything to make you feel comfortable. I acted like we were fucking strangers in public for you. All for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to do it!” He raised his voice.

“You didn't have to!” You replied in the same tone “I did it because I love you without asking for anything in return. And you kept hurting me over and over again.” You paused “But I went back to you every time because I thought you wouldn’t do it again, that it’d be the last time.”

“You don’t understand!” Taehyung yelled.

“Enlighten me then!”

Taehyung didn't reply. Instead, he lowered his head, slightly out of breath because of his sudden outburst, avoiding your gaze at all costs. He was right, you didn't understand no matter how much you tried. If he didn't open up to you, you’d never understand and things between the two of you would never go right.

“I’m done Tae...I’m done breaking myself into pieces to fit where you’re hurting. I’m not a puzzle piece.” You sigh “I tried, I really did.”

He didn’t say anything once again. No goodbye by the door, no attempt to make you change your mind, nothing. He didn’t put up a fight. It was like Taehyung didn’t want to try and make things right. And that hurt, probably more than anything else in your relationship. More than having to pretend you didn't know him, more than him saying that you weren’t exactly his type because he didn’t want to tell his friends.

Love is blind, they say. And you found this to be true. You didn't see his flaws, his lies, the harsh words that came out of his pretty lips or the way he manipulated you. All you ever wanted was his time, his smile, his laugh, his affection, his love. You loved Taehyung, you loved all of him. And it was exhausting.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

You didn't cry after Taehyung left. The numb feeling in your chest didn’t allow you to do so. You hadn’t processed what happened yet and maybe that was why you were so calm. You kept yourself busy to avoid thinking about Taehyung, you met new people, made new friends and although you didn’t forget about your old ones, you spent less time with them to avoid Taehyung.

You only saw him again two weeks after you broke up when he finally decided to show up to class. The gray hood pulled over his head and hands buried deep in his pockets as he made eye contact with you, a flash of hope in his eyes. That was the first time you allowed yourself to fall apart after everything that happened. But you quickly got it together and paid attention to what the teacher was saying. You had to move on.

Your new friend Jeonghan, from your Biology class, introduced you to Joshua, a cute American transfer with auburn hair and kind eyes. According to him, the two of you were perfect for each other and he wasn’t wrong. You could see how Joshua was perfect for you but you didn’t see him that way, not when your heart and mind were still filled with Taehyung. Joshua knew it too but he was in the same situation as you, so that made you a good pair. Two broken messes seeking comfort in each other.

Over the course of a few months, Joshua had pretty much become your best friend. That numbness you felt, went away and you spent countless nights crying in Joshua’s arms as he ran his fingers through your hair and whispered everything would be okay. Other nights, he was the one crying in your arms as his chest ached and his heart bled for someone who didn’t love him anymore.

“What are you ordering?” Joshua asked as the two of you stood in line at the same coffee shop you used to hang out with your other friends.

After passing the exam you had studied so hard for, Joshua decided to treat you after your classes ended. At first, you declined not wanting him to spend money on you but he managed to convince you and that’s how you found yourself in line, head leaning against Joshua’s arm as you waited for your turn.

“Hot chocolate and a muffin.”

After you ordered and got your food and beverages, the two of you found a table. Teasing each other back and forth as you two ate, you almost didn't notice the little bell above the door ringing and a loud group of people walked in. Once you heard the commotion, you turned around your eyes widening as you spotted your friends and quickly turning back around with the same expression on your face.

“What’s wrong?” Joshua asked as he put his drink down.

“It’s him. Taehyung.”

Joshua looked at the boys before looking back at you.

“Which one?”

“The one in the gray hoodie.”

Joshua looked up at Taehyung and took his time observing him. In the meantime, you were antsy, bouncing your leg up and down under the table as you fumbled with the straw of your drink. You didn't know why you were so nervous, maybe because you were out of your comfort zone or maybe because it was the first time after the break up that you saw Taehyung somewhere else other than a lecture hall where you were far away enough from him for it not to be a problem. Sensing your discomfort, Joshua grabbed your hand from across the table.

“Do you want to leave?” You nodded.

You waited for a bit before Joshua went to the bathroom as you prayed they wouldn’t notice you.

“Isn’t that (Y/N)?” Jungkook’s voice reached your ears and you cursed under your breath.

Yet, you didn't turn around hoping they would think they were just confusing you with a random stranger and switch subjects. But that wasn’t the case and you knew it when Taehyung himself sat across from you in the same spot Joshua had been minutes prior.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your tone harsher than you intended it to be “I thought you didn’t want the guys to see this side of you.” You raised your eyebrows at him.

It was petty, sure. But honestly, you didn’t want to have that conversation and Joshua was taking a while, so you just hoped you could get Taehyung to leave before Joshua came back. Taehyung, however, wanted to have that conversation right then and there and there was nothing you could do.

“Don’t be like that...”

“Like what?” You cut him off “I’m just respecting your wishes.” You shrugged.

At some point, it stopped being petty and it turned childish. Anything to get him to leave.

“(Y/N)...” Taehyung sighed “You’re making things harder than they have to be.”

“No, I’m not Taehyung. If anyone did that in here, it was you. Have you told them?” You hissed “Why I stopped hanging out with you?”

“No.” He admitted.

“Then don’t blame it on me.”

Luckily, Joshua came back from the bathroom and you got up, grabbing your bag, ready to leave. But before you could do it, Taehyung grabbed your wrist.

“Is he…” He hesitated “Is he your boyfriend?”

You wanted to say yes. You wanted him to hurt as much as you did all those times he had pretended he didn’t know you, for all the times he dismissed you because of his reputation. But part of you still wanted to protect him, to spare him from the pain of a lie that’d make sure that things definitely had ended between the two of you.

“It’s none of your business.” You freed yourself from his grasp and walked over to Joshua.

When the two of you got back to your dorm, you broke down as soon as you closed the door. After all that happened, he still hadn’t told anyone what happened and you felt guilty for not being around your friends as much anymore. But you couldn't, because you couldn't stand being near Taehyung without crying or yelling, it was too much for you. Did they think you hated them? How were you supposed to tell them what happened? Would they get mad that you did everything behind their backs?

Joshua, just like other times held you until you calmed down, only leaving after he made sure you were tucked in bed asleep. It was a tough time for you and you couldn't thank him enough for being there for you when he felt just as bad as you did. Things were far from okay, but with Joshua by your side they were a little better.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・

At the end of that week, Joshua decided to take you out clubbing to cheer you up. You agreed, wanting nothing more than to get your mind off Taehyung at least for a night. So you dressed up and met Joshua outside the fairly popular club he had suggested. Once you were in, you noticed how hot it was in there. Groups were scattered across tables and couches and others were by the bar or on the dance floor partying the night away. You smiled, knowing that in a few moments you’d be exactly like them.

You got yourself a drink, something light and sweet to start off the night as you looked around. Turning to say something to Joshua, you realized he wasn’t there. Maybe you had lost him in the crowd and didn't notice it. While you were looking for him, squeezing yourself in between sweaty and intoxicated bodies, you spotted your friends on one of the couches. Why were they there? From all the nights you could run into them, fate chose that one and that upset you. Jimin noticed you and called you over, turning the other’s attention to you. Since they all had seen you, you couldn't turn around so you walked over to them, your hands slightly shaking and your chest feeling heavy.

“Hi, guys.” You smiled, slightly uncomfortable.

You looked at all of them, noticing that Taehyung wasn’t with them which made you relax. Jin gave you a sympathetic smile, although you could see he was a bit tipsy just like everyone else.

“(Y/N), I missed you.” Hoseok whined loudly while extending his arms out to you, making you laugh.

“I know, I’ve been busy.” You lied.

You hadn't been busy and you were sure they knew it but no one brought it up. Some things were better left unsaid and that was one of those things. Drunk or sober, they couldn't know the truth. It wasn't for you, you had no problem in telling them what actually happened but it didn't come as a surprise to you that you still tried to protect Taehyung after all that happened.

Since Taehyung wasn't there, you felt more comfortable, taking a seat on the couch and enjoying spending time with your friends that you missed so much. For the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to have a good time and relax, even forgetting about finding Joshua.

A hand on your shoulder startled you and you looked up, your eyes widening as they landed on Taehyung’s figure. Your breath hitched in your throat and you got up quickly, finally looking him in the eye. Under the bright lights from the club, he looked exhausted and surprised, yet beautiful. You don't know how much time went by until someone reacted and that someone wasn’t you. Taehyung pulled you in, catching you off guard and kissed you. With the music as background and your friends as witnesses just like the first time. You kissed back without realizing you were doing so and the cheers from your friends went unnoticed by the two of you. Once he pulled away, out of breath and with a smile on his face Taehyung brought his hand up to his lips as if to confirm that he wasn’t dreaming.

“It was them?” Jimin yelled from behind you “They were the one you were seeing?”

“I-It was…” Taehyung stuttered, his ears turning red.

You were still too surprised to react. Your heart was beating too fast in your chest to the point where you thought you’d pass out and the loud music from the club was nothing but faint noise to your ears. And suddenly, reminded of how serious the situation was, you pulled yourself together.

“We need to talk…” Taehyung nodded and led you outside with a tight grip on your hand as if he was scared you’d change your mind and leave.

The music had faded and you tried to ignore how pretty he looked under those neon lights just like he had the first time. You focused on trying to get your thoughts in order before you spoke.

“Okay, but what the fuck?” It was the first thing you said after a few minutes of silence “You can’t do this to me Taehyung. You…you can’t just kiss me after all these months because you feel like it!”

“I know.” He started “Please let me explain.” Taehyung waited for you to nod before continuing “I hid us from everyone, I pretended you didn’t exist when we were out. I know and I’m...I’m sorry.” He paused “I wanted, fuck I still do, to hold your hand whenever I want, to hug you, to kiss you, to love you but...it’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to be...me that I don’t know what that is anymore. I was so scared of people leaving me that I found a way to distance myself but I wasn’t aware that it’d push you away too.”

Taehyung paused to take a deep breath, his eyes glossy and his hands slightly shaky. Without thinking you grabbed his hands, hoping it’d provide him some comfort and encourage him to keep going.

“And I know it’s selfish of me to want you back after what I did.” He continued staring down at your intertwined hands “But there’s nothing that I want more.”

“Tae…” He lifted his eyes to look at you “I-I know nothing about you. I opened my heart and soul to you and all you did was push me away repeatedly. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I’m so tired of running after you when you won’t even take a step for me.” You admitted, eyes filled with tears as you so desperately tried not to spill them.

You were done crying for Taehyung.

“You’re right.” He admitted and after a sigh, he continued “I don't know much about the real me anymore but what I do know is that my name is Kim Taehyung, I’m from Daegu and I’m in love with you. I’m not afraid of admitting it anymore. I’m afraid of losing you and I’m afraid of changing but...you make me want to be a better person. For you, for me, for us. I didn't mean to push you away. I’m scared of letting people see me vulnerable and I don’t think before I act when they do. Nothing I say will make you feel better, I know...but most importantly, the thing you should know about me is that in my own fucked up way I love you and I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you.”

His tone, sad and desperate as if your rejection would be his death, wrenched at your heart. He sounded so different from the all the harsh words you had heard out of his mouth before that it felt like someone was talking for him. Adding to all the things you had noticed about Taehyung before, there was this whole new personality that seemed to finally make sense and why he acted the way he did. And in that same personality, you saw how much he wanted to change, how desperate he was to do so. The days where he was quiet and moody and been the ones where he struggled with himself the most and didn’t have the energy to distract himself by being the life of the party. You saw everything as if a light had been directed right into Taehyung’s heart.

Taehyung pressed his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your cheek and you noticed that he still hadn’t let go of your hands as if he was scared that he’d never get the chance to hold them again.

“So please tell me that it’s not too late. Please tell me that you still love me.” He pleaded as if it was the only thing he had ever wanted in his life.

“I-It’s not. It’s not too late.”

With a sigh of relief, Taehyung closed the distance between the two of you and kissed you again. The two of you made up outside a club under the neon lights that spelled out a name you never bothered to learn just like everything started. Taehyung kissed you until he couldn't breathe until he felt dizzy and his lungs screamed for air and he had to pull away. And once he felt like he wasn’t going to pass out from the lack of oxygen he kissed you again and again and again until your friends came to check up on you outside. And even then, Taehyung didn't let go of you his arm wrapped around your waist when he finally admitted in front of everyone that he was in love with you, his eyes never leaving your face as he looked at you as if you were the treasure he had been looking for his entire life.

And whether Taehyung was an angel or the devil himself, it didn't matter to you anymore. He was yours and the world knew it.

feedback is appreciated :) i’d link my ask box but tumblr is a dick

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