#there was also one specific bit of body horror/gore that i was nervous about bc i was like 'are people gonna think this is

[crimeronan]

tonight at writing group i got my most glowingly positive critique yet, which is wild considering 1) how positive my other critiques have been and 2) How Fucking Nervous i was.....

it was the first bit i've shared that started getting deeper into the chronic illness themes. & completely unprompted, pretty much everyone was like "i love how all of your characters are in pain in some way, but in a way that doesn't feel cheap/exploitative" and also "i love how abrasive devin is. especially since she's trying to compensate for it. you see a lot of smooth-talking villains but NOT a lot of heroes that are SO BAD at talking that they seem like the bad guy"

which were both delightful. the first means the most on a personal level but the second was also reassuring because i was trying so hard to toe the line of "devin Is Bad At Talking" with "devin Is Trying So Hard" & they were all like. oh no oh god. she SUCKS at this. this is HILARIOUS

conclusions:

getting a good grade in writing Everyone Feeling Like Shit Forever

getting a good grade in writing Turbo Autism....

[bubonickitten]

so ive been thinking of listening to tma for a while now but im a very anxious person. did it trigger your anxiety a lot? ive checked out the content warning list and i already know ill need to skip a few at least

TMA has definitely triggered anxiety for me at times, mostly on my first listen-through and with regard to topics that already make me anxious, but it didn’t trigger any panic attacks or anything, personally. But that’s just me. It totally depends on your own needs and triggers (as well as your general familiarity with horror as a genre). I think it helped that I binged it, so I wasn’t left hanging for a week on an emotionally-charged cliffhanger -- but now that I’m caught up, I do have to wait a week between episodes like everyone else, so it can be a bit more anxiety-inducing, lol.

Most of my anxiety was that sort of low-level, generalized, creeping dread that comes with the horror genre -- but I also tend to get really nervous even when I’m reading/watching/listening to/playing/whatever various other genres. (Especially when a character I love or identify with is in trouble and it isn’t immediately clear whether they’ll make it out alive, lmao.) Horror just tends to bring out a different kind of anxiety, and I like that sense of dread (well, depending on the subgenre of horror we’re talking about; there are some I don’t vibe with as much). But I definitely have to be careful with how it plays with my anxiety symptoms. 

(Putting the rest below a cut bc this got long.)

Almost all the episodes have a unique framing in that they’re comprised of a statement (basically a short story embedded within the overall metaplot, usually events that happened in the past), narrated by a single character (usually Jon, but not always), followed up by metaplot stuff. The season finales are an exception, usually they’re all metaplot happenings with a lot of action and multiple voice actors throughout. So, if you wanted to, you could follow the metaplot and not listen to the statements, or vice versa. (If you do that, I’d still recommend reading summaries of the statements, because even though they work really well as standalone short stories, they’re all connected to the metaplot in one way or another, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first, and there are recurring characters that show up in them frequently.)

The statements themselves usually don’t make me super anxious, probably because they’ve all happened in the past and I don’t have to worry about the main characters being in active danger. Most of my anxiety comes in when it’s current plot stuff happening with the main cast of characters. But, the statements are where you’re most likely to find specific triggers bc a lot of them deal with common phobias (spiders, trypophobia, claustrophobia, agoraphobia, decay, being watched, etc.) and other potentially triggering content (compulsions, paranoia, unreality, gore, body horror, police violence, etc.), as well as commentary on xenophobia, racism, and other -isms and real-world social issues (portrayed critically and not condoned in the slightest, but still present). The writing is so evocative and descriptive that even if I don’t have a specific phobia, it still brings out that sense of dread for me. (I also tend to have trouble with conflict between characters and there’s a lot of that, so be careful if characters being mean to each other puts you in a bad headspace.) 

In case you haven’t already seen it, there’s a Google doc with spoiler-free content warnings for each episode here; the unofficial transcript site has content warnings at the top of each episode page; and for episodes you know you’ll have to skip, if you still want to keep up with the metaplot, the Wiki is good for summaries, and each episode page is split into segments (statement/supplemental/etc.)

I’d keep in mind, too, that Jonny Sims has been clear that it’s a horror-tragedy. It won’t have a happy ending. That’s something I have to prepare myself for, as someone who gets very emotionally attached to characters. So far there have been a few deaths of beloved characters, and I’m 100% sure that this season is going to have some hard-hitting major character deaths. But one of the nice things about it is that Jonny Sims is good at treating his characters with compassion, even when he puts them through some serious grief and suffering. It doesn’t strike me as just another “kill your darlings” mentality, or throwing characters away without wrapping up their personal arcs just to make a cheap point. 

I personally like dark fiction that has a hopeful ending, if not a happy one, and Jonny Sims is definitely including humanity and hope and love even in recent episodes, but the ending is... probably going to be more tragic than hopeful. That’s a creative direction he’s intended from before the first episode of the podcast was even recorded, and he’s been up front about it and I trust him to execute it well because so far his storytelling and character development have been stunning, so I just have to do my best to prepare myself for any anxiety and grief I might experience as the series’ ending draws near, haha. (Nice thing is, this fandom has a lot of nice fanfic, so even if canon is rough, I have some outlets.) 

I’m rambling, so: TL;DR, yes, depending on what specifically triggers your anxiety, this podcast might be a rough listen at times. I find it worth it, because the story is really good (and again, I tend to get anxious even outside of the horror genre), and Jonny Sims is an amazing writer, and the podcast is brilliantly voice acted and soundscaped -- but definitely be careful and mind the content warnings. The current season (which will be the final season) is particularly rough because even though it’s still supernatural horror, it also deals with a lot of very real-world horrors. I mean, the whole podcast does in some ways -- there’s a lot of pointed and brilliantly written social commentary -- but the current season is especially raw, especially considering current events. 

If you have any specific triggers or content you’re worried about -- because the content warning guide is great but vague since it’s spoiler-free -- feel free to message me again (anon or otherwise) and I can go into detail about the specifics (depending on what level of spoilers you’re comfortable with).