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copiousloverofcopia · 2 years ago

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THIS. IS. IT.

The Final Chapter of The Red Dress!

Thank you so much to everyone who stuck around until the end. I appreciate you all so much and I hope you like it.

Commissions are still open if anyone is interested, please see my pinned post for carrd info!

The Red Dress

Celeste is a stagehand at a local arena when her night goes south after a Ghost concert leaving her cornered by ghouls. Her life changes forever when she is told that she is to play a crucial role in the destiny of Papa Emeritus IV, and that the gimmick is real.

Chapter 9: THE END

Also available HERE on AO3! Haven't started yet, start from the beginning HERE!

Definitely NSFW below the cut!

“Where is she?” Copia commanded as he and Celeste reached the bottom of the main stairs. He felt in his core that the arrival of their visitor was a sign, though he knew not of what. Celeste squeezed his hand tightly, still nervous in the presence of them. The pack of ghouls, unnerving even now as they grunted and growled amongst themselves before her. It was only a moment before one of them spoke, but for Celeste it felt a lifetime.

“We brought her to the chapel Papa. she awaits you both.” the ghoul called Aether replied. Copia’s eyebrow perked, Celeste taking note. It was as if something had occurred to him, like a moment of deja vu swept across his face. A fleeting thought passing, leaving Celeste in the dark.

“What?” she asked, needing to know what was going on in his head. What did he realize that she hadn’t? Copia caressed her face and gave her a deep kiss. The intensity of his mouth on hers—reminding her of how much she belonged to him. That nothing would ever harm her as long as he lived.

“Just seems peculiar to me that your mother came here at all…and alone.” he said, mulling over the implications. Celeste wasn't surprised she wanted to see her. Lucy thrived on being able to control her daughter and so of course she’d take any opportunity presented to her. What did surprise Celeste, was that she was able to be found.

She had, in fact, packed up that day and left everything behind. Wondering at first who was the first to come looking for her at the old apartment. Shocked when they were met with the putrid corpse of her ex decomposing on the floor—and Celeste nowhere to be found. Maybe it had been Lucy? Celeste wondered now how she found her with no letter or any indication as to where she’d gone.

They all continued on down the hall, Celeste gripped tighter to Copia. The hallway in the evening had always left her feeling petrified. It felt as if the cold, hollow eyes of paintings seemed to follow her then. Even now, as they approached the archway into the chapel, this place she now called home, still managed to make her hair stand on end. The unease inside her, steadily growing as she caught sight of her mother.

Lucy stood up from one of the front pews as soon as she heard them approach. The smile on her face, making Celeste immediately suspicious. She rushed towards her daughter and Copia, arms held out wide, when yet another set of ghouls materialized in front of her. Blades drawn and teeth bared. She immediately stopped, her blood running cold as the ghouls hissed and snarled at her.

“I—I mean no harm.” Lucy assured them, trembling in their presence. Copia wanted to laugh, knowing all it would take was a snap of his fingers and the ghouls would devour her whole before his hand rested. He saw her as no threat—though Celeste still felt the hum of something brewing. She knew her mother’s manipulative nature and that, while she may say she means no harm, she was still very much up to something.

“What is it you’ve come here for?” Copia demanded, his demeanor calm and collected. Waving his ghouls to stand down. Lucy was shaken, the color returning to her fingers as she loosened her grip on the back of the pew. Still unable to fully relax, even with the ghouls now retreated. She slowly continued towards her daughter and Copia, taken back by them as she finally was able to process what she’d seen. Keeping her eyes fixed on them, even as she saw flashes of the ghouls scouring the walls in her peripheral vision.

Copia was something to behold, his demeanor giving Lucy the impression she should be bowing before him. Standing there in his majestic robes of bronze and deep sapphire. His miter, tall and shimmering in the light from the chapel's candles. His face paint, working to instill a sense of fear and respect. This was the man who fathered her daughter’s child, the man who was destined for her—the Antichrist himself. Lucy could hardly bear the intensity of his presence and as she turned her gaze to her daughter her breath was stolen from her lungs.

She couldn’t help but awe at her. Celeste was every bit the Queen she was born to be. Seeing the two of them together was overwhelming. Celeste’s pronounced belly under her lavish gown—the culmination of years of planning that had finally taken place. A plot now, Lucy was abject to have taken part in.

“I’ve come to see my daughter.” she said, her eyes falling back to Celeste’s stomach. Lucy sighed heavily as she stared at it. Taking a moment before making eye contact with her daughter once again. “Oh Cece, the baby is almost here isn’t he?” she asked, the hint of sorrow and bitterness held in her voice.

“Ye—what is it you want mother? As far as I am concerned you have no business here with my husband and I.” Celeste snapped, trying her best to show dominance. Tight mouthed and standing tall beside Copia. It was nothing but a thin veil, hiding her hesitation and fear of her own mother. A fear Lucy could always spot, like a shark senses blood in water.

“Husband?” Lucy asked, acting as if any of this was a surprise to her. She knew deep down the truth. A truth that she now grappled with telling Celeste. Wondering if her confession, her contrition would make any difference to their fate.

“We were wed once we arrived here… but beside the point mother you don’t belong here. I suggest you return home.” Celeste replied with her whole chest. Prideful in standing up to her mother. Lucy, of course, appeared shocked and hurt before nodding in acceptance.

“...I will take my leave then. Though there really isn’t any way for me to get to the train station this late at night—-and lord knows when I would be able to get a hold of the airline to book a flight. Might I impose upon you to stay just until morning.” she begged. Copia could feel Celeste’s grip tightening up once again on his hand. He was sure that his hand would suffer permanent nerve damage from the intensity of her clutch. It was obvious to him she was nervous, but something told Copia that Lucy should stay.

“Amore…what do you say? One night won’t hurt things will it?” His words, purred into Celeste’s ear. She pulled away, eyes staring widely at him. It was astonishing to her that the literal Antichrist would provide her more love and comfort, despite all that had transpired between them, than the woman who birthed her. It was however true and here they were, Celeste leaning into Copia for safety as she cowered inside at her mother’s presence.

“I guess.” she conceded, watching Lucy’s face fill in delight. It made her sick to her stomach. The same woman who allowed Morty to hurt her, in all ways possible, now freely staying in what was supposed to be her sanctuary.

“Thank you Cece, thank you…uh…” Lucy began, realizing that she didn’t actually know the man’s name—only what he was.

“Ah yes, please allow me to introduce myself, I am Papa Copia Emeritus the Fourth.” Copia testified straightening the lay of his robes across his chasuble.

“Well then, let's get you settled.” Celeste began, turning to face the ghouls. “Aether, would you please escort my mother to a guest room in the west wing? She can stay there for the night.”

“With pleasure.” The ghoul replied, heeding her command as he and another ghoul grabbed the bags Lucy had left in the pews. Turning his head and motioning for her to follow him. Lucy caught on quickly to his meaning and, despite her fear, followed along behind him. As her mother disappeared from the chapel, Celeste felt her head begin to ache. A rushing feeling sent through her, leaving her lightheaded and fatigued as she brought herself to sit down in one of the back pews.

“Amore, are you alright? Is it?” Copia asked worriedly, dropping to his knees at her side. Hand held gently on her belly.

“I’m alright, just tired today.” she assured him with a soft smile. “I just need a minute.”

“Take your time cara…seems I have been too rough with you this evening. I suppose it’s too close now for me to be…so indelicate with you.” he mused.

It was clear from the cloud cover and the roar of the thunder outside, that a storm had begun. The sun, now almost completely eclipsed by the moon. The sky hued with the color of blood. The lighting began to crash across the Heavens, raging with fury of what was to come. The unsettling silence at dinner between Copia, her mother, and Celeste, leaving her feeling even worse.

“I will be fine…but I am telling you Copia, there is something else going on. That woman has never wanted anything to do with me my whole life, except to control me. If she is here, it's for a reason.”

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Copia noticed it too. Celeste now seemed weaker and more tired than ever. He wondered if things were closer than he realized. “Amore, why don’t you go rest. The signora and I can manage.” Copia insisted. Celeste would have protested, but she felt since her mother’s appearance, her energy level had dwindled. Chipped away little by little, slowly leaving her with each passing moment.

“Maybe you're right. I shall take my leave. Mother.” Celeste nodded at Lucy, getting up slowly from the table in the Papal wing of the Abbey and headed off to her and Copia’s chambers. She walked slowly, cradling her heavy belly in her arms. The weight of everything, including her child, was becoming harder to bear. She needed the rest more now than ever as the time drew nearer to the child’s birth and to the beginning of war between Heaven and Hell.

Like a sparkling crackle of fire, the sky lit up once more with lighting. The light, bathing Celeste in a rainbow of color as it shined through the stained glass. When she made it back to their suite, she collapsed on the bed. Feeling completely drained and unable to move.

Back in the dining hall, Copia stared ominously at Lucy as he took a sip from his glass of wine. Lucy fiddled with her napkin in her lap. Adjusting in her seat as if her pants were filled with sand. It was obvious she was nervous and that her being there was suspicious. It would be hard to convince Copia otherwise.

“You know…your daughter is smarter than you think.” Copia said as he set his glass back onto the table. Resting his chin on the backs of his hands as he continued his glare at her.

“I beg your pardon.” Lucy said, feigning ignorance to his words. She knew what he meant but she had to keep up her side of things and pretend.

“I think your part in all of this would be much better heard from your mouth than if I tell her, don’t you think?”

“I am not sure what—”

“Puoi smettere ora Lucy, siamo solo noi due. So per cosa sei venuto qui.” Copia growled watching the fake smile slip away from Lucy’s face.

“Ah so you know?” she asked him. Copia chuckled a bit, returning to his glass of wine as he rose up from the table and approached her. Lucy sat straight up in the chair, frozen as Copia approached her. When he finally reached her, he bent down to whisper in her ear.

It was hours later when Celeste awoke. Her head once again pounding and a pain searing from her belly overcoming her. It was far worse than she had ever felt in her entire life as it traveled from her back towards her belly. Tearing through her as she glanced over at the clock, 3:33 in the morning, she thought to herself. Celeste was frightened, teeth clenched in pain—it was time.

“I do and I know why you’ve come here. Make no mistake…they will fail.”

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When she went to roll over, she found only Copia’s spot empty beside her. She did her best to sit up, holding still a moment as her vision blurred. Where could he possibly be right now, she asked herself. When she went to stand up, a rush of fluid came pouring out from inside her.

“Oh fuck.” she cried aloud, wincing in pain but before the words had even fully left her lips, she could hear them. Voices of men, growing closer and closer, coming from outside in the hall. Her blood ran cold. Every nerve firing, urging her to run as fast as she could.

She knew she wasn’t going to get far, not like this. She struggled to pull herself over to the large armoire at the other side of the room. Tucking herself beneath the hanging clothes to hide. Biting into her lip to keep from screaming out in pain.

It took everything in her to hold still, shaking uncontrollably as the pains returned. The voices, now clearly inside the room as the tears began silently streaming down her face. She begged in that moment, to whatever god would listen, to keep her baby safe. That Copia would rescue her—but no one came.

“She has to be on the grounds somewhere.” said one of them, Celeste terrified as she watched from the cracked doors of the armoire. She could only make out the shadows as they passed in front of it, a total of five men had entered her room. All of them shrouded in black, bearing rosaries at their waist. The crucifixes, making a quiet tapping sound as they moved about the room.

The storm continued raging outside as Celeste hid from the holy crusaders rummaging through her room. Desperately in search of her before it was too late. “We will find her, Lucy said she was here.” said one of the other men. Immediately Celeste’s eyes widened, they were there because of her mother. She had felt it and if it wasn’t already apparent, now she was certain the men were there to harm her.

“Cardinal Mariano…” one of the bishops said, motioning for the Cardinal to look down. When he did, he noticed the trail of water. It started at the side of the bed and continued until just outside the armoire. The light from the storm outside, illuminating the small puddles across the wood floor. They had discovered where she was hiding—just in time the Cardinal thought.

The men got silent, Celeste beginning to only hear the sound of her heart pounding as the door came flying open. Revealing her to the men. “There you are whore.” a bishop proclaimed, yanking Celeste out onto the floor. The group of men, working quickly to surround her.

Celeste cried out in pain as she hit the ground. Another contraction overtaking her, with the next not long behind it. She struggled hard against them. Spitting blood into one of their faces from the bite in her lip, but there were just too many.

Before she knew it, they had gagged her. The fabric, burning at the edges of her mouth as she fought to scream. The men carried her over to the bed, holding down her limbs as the Cardinal climbed on top of her. “Give them to me now. We haven’t much time!” he commanded as one of the other men pulled a black leather parcel from within his jacket.

The Cardinal rolled it out across the bed beside her. Celeste, still fighting to break away from them as she caught sight of its contents. It was a glint from the blades, made from celestial stone, that gave them away. Seven of them, forged in the time of Christ in preparation for this very moment. The Seven Sacred Daggers of Megiddo, ready to extinguish Satan’s progeny on Earth.

Celeste cried, warm tears drenching her hair as she thrashed about below the Cardinal. His thighs, pressing tighter along her sides in an attempt to keep her still. They needed to hit things just right for the daggers to do their job. The men began to chant, flicking holy water over Celeste’s body—stinging as the drops hit her flesh.

She managed to dislodge the gag, a blood-curdling screaming surging from within her and filling the room. “No! Please don’t hurt my baby! Copia! Copia!”

“Will you shut her up!” the Cardinal hissed, another of the men quickly attempting to re-gag her. Celeste bit hard to his hand, the blood filling her mouth as he managed to muffle her screams. The daggers began to glow beside her—still no Copia, or anyone, to be found. Celeste feared that they may already be dead and that it too would be her fate.

The Cardinal picked up one of the daggers, whispering prayers under his breath before kissing the hilt. He held the dagger high above Celeste’s belly, both hands gripped hard to steady it. “Hac sacra pugione summa mali extinguimus. Ut animam a mortali cortice solvamus…” he chanted and suddenly Celeste felt as if she were below water.

The sound drowned out within the room and a sudden rush of energy, bursting through her. She turned her head, just as the dagger began to descend upon her, and saw Copia along with her mother and a pack of ghouls rushing into the room.

“Enough!” Copia commanded, the power exploding from inside him in a fiery heat as he willed the Cardinal across the room alongside his men. Their bodies bashing against the stone walls with full force. All of them clutching their sides as they began to bleed from within.

“Are you alright?” Copia asked, rushing to Celeste’s side. The daggers, losing the shine once emanating from them. All Celeste could do was nod, holding tight to her dark prince when another contraction hit. Copia’s eyes widened in realization.

“The baby is coming.” Celeste cried. Copia kissed the top of her head, his attention however stolen by the sound of the Cardinal coughing from across the room. The ghouls had surrounded them, waiting for the indication to strike, when Copia approached them. Celeste’s mother, coming to her side in his stead.

“We (cough, cough) have seen your face.” The Cardinal stuttered, blood running down the side of his mouth as his whole body shook in fear. Copia stood over him, menacing and powerful. “...carved in stone and painted in ancient lands. (Cough, cough) It is you the devourer of worlds, darkness incarnate, bringer of the end of days.”

“Yes…Cardinal Mariano, it is. I am the man born of humanity and sired by the old one. It is my dynasty that shall rule for the next millennia as I watch your god’s paradise burn to the ground.” Copia laughed, watching as horror filled the Cardinal’s eyes. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I am about to become a father.”

“No! No! No!” the Cardinal cried. Copia snapped his fingers and in an instant, the ghouls attacked the men—eating them alive. The sounds of tearing flesh and screaming thick in the room. Sounds that Celeste now remembered from their visions, visions that now she knew were prophetic.

When the sounds faded, and only the noise of their thumping lifeless and hollowed out husks hit the floor were left, Copia returned to Celeste. He lifted her up off the bed, the room now filled with a mass of siblings and ghouls around them. Celeste tried to stand struggling with her balance while in immense pain. She realized she was now dressed in the ominous red dress. The scent of blood surrounding her as the gown seemed to be seeping with it. Celeste grabbed hold of one of the daggers, shaking and scared as she stared down at it.

This was the beginning of the end of the world and in that moment Celeste was conflicted, her mind enveloped in anguish. Wondering if she should have been killed by the holy men. If her desire and love for Copia, and the child she carried, was worth the world. Then he spoke to her.

“Celeste. Amore, we should leave this room. I will not have you give birth to our son in this place if I can help it.” Copia declared, trying to get her to follow him out. Celeste stopped halfway out of the room, her mind overwhelmed and spinning. Copia could see the conflict rising inside her and knew it was the time for the full truth to be revealed.

“I don’t know if I can.” Celeste said, blank faced and lost in thought. Copia pulled her close and placed his hand on her belly. Feeling it tighten beneath his palm as another contraction spread inside her. He smiled, pulling up her chin to face him.

“You will, but before we have this child amore, there is something you need to know.” he told her. Celeste’s face, filled with confusion as a pair of ghouls brought her mother to stand before them.

“Mom…”

“Cece…I need to tell you something.” Lucy began, Celeste’s heart pounding inside her chest once more, teeth gritting with yet another contraction upon her. Too much was happening at once and she was now struggling to even stay conscious.

“Go on Lucy. Tell your daughter the truth.” Copia pushed, watching with glee at the interaction. His sinister smile, making Lucy tremble. Celeste was visibly shaking, waiting for what horrors her mother would reveal to her.

“When I was young, I made a choice. There was a man I was seeing while my family was on vacation. The man who would become your father.”

“I know this story mother—” Celeste snapped, doubling over in pain.

“No Celeste you don’t. That man was part of the Satanic church, he and I made a pact to have you. To conceive you in service of Lucifer. To give our souls and you to him. In exchange we were to have good health and riches beyond measure.. Promised a high position in the aftermath of Armageddon...”

“Oh my g–” Celeste began, as Lucy continued on.

“You were always destined to be here. Where you are right now. Your child is the darkness that will descend upon the world and bring about the end. Oh Cece, I’m so sorry…I was young and I made so many mistakes and I just can’t live with them anymore…” Her mother continued as if absolving herself of sins.

“Lucy.” Copia growled, knowing that her mother was still holding back. Celeste looked between them both. Whatever she was about to say, it seemed Copia had already been told.

“I don’t want to be in Hell. I don’t want eternal damnation Cece. I wanted to be back in God’s light and in order to do that, I had to.”

“No…” Celeste whimpered, as if she already knew what her mother was going to say next.

“I led the men here to find you. They promised I would be forgiven for my part in your creation and that I would be welcomed back into Heaven for my sacrifice. A sacrifice of your life and the child’s…in exchange for my absolution.”

Celeste saw RED. Her blood boiled and popped inside her veins. Rage overtaking her as Copia watched on. She lifted up the dagger still held in her hand and in one swoop stabbed deep into her mother’s chest. Yanking back as the blood gushed out from the wound and spattered all over her face.

“Cece…” Lucy said, her sounds barely discernible as she fell to the floor. Suddenly the whole room began to tear away from them. The Abbey walls, seeming to rip apart and fly up into the air. The sky swirling with red and debris all around them for farther than their eyes could see. The rain falling from clouds, now turned to blood in the storm.

Celeste stood above Lucy on the platform of the floor, all that was left of the room as the world collapsed around them. Adrenaline coursing through her veins and her pain at its peak when she spoke. “Welcome to the apocalypse that you helped to usher in mother. Your soul be damned.” Celeste laughed, crying as she did. Drained, she collapsed beside her mother on the floor, the baby was coming—and now.

Celeste began to scream, the labor pains coming without end. Copia dropped before her to help deliver their child. The world around them, crying as the noise of Gabriel’s trumpet sounded above them. The seas began to boil and the sky ripped open to reveal the demons and angels warring above them.

“This is it Celeste, push and he will be here. You can do this.” Copia praised. The red dress, bathing her in blood as it flowed from its threads. Her mother’s blood still glittering her face as she rose up to bear down against the force of her contraction. Before she knew it, the sounds of cries—her child’s cries entered into the world.

“Is he alright?” she asked, watching Copia swaddle the baby with the bed sheet. He smiled down at her and placed the warm baby into her arms. It appeared as any infant would, small and soft. Innocent looking and sweet, but the child was evil itself. Celeste looked over to Copia as the sounds of screaming and cries from humanity spread out throughout the land noises, still deeply in love.

The Earth began to crack around them, revealing Hell beneath. Demons and Ghouls, crawling up from the bowels of the world to devour mankind. Bodies of angels falling from the sky like rain. The End had come. Celeste and Copia lost in each other’s eyes, Celeste's left eye now shining a bright white just as his. She had accepted her fate—Queen of Hell, mother of Evil. The harbinger of the end.

“He’s perfect.” Copia assured her, lips then locked together as their infant cooed in their arms. The stars, beginning to fall from the sky.

Notes:

Clearly there are some Omen references in here since we all know how much Tobias likes that movie lol and it felt right lol.

Puoi smettere ora Lucy, siamo solo noi due. So per cosa sei venuto qui.- You can quit the act now Lucy, it is just the two of us. I know what you've come here for.

Hac sacra pugione summa mali extinguimus. Ut animam a mortali cortice solvamus.- It is with this sacred dagger we extinguish the epitome of evil. That we release the soul from its mortal shell...

#The Red Dress #Corrupt Copia #Antichrist Copia #Copia x OC Celeste #Corrupt Copia x Celeste #armageddon #Copia #papa iv #papa emeritus iv #ren writes #ghost #the band ghost #ghost fic #ghost fanfic #ghost fanfics #ghost fanfiction #the band ghost fic #the band ghost fanfic #the band ghost fanfiction

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commanderdazzle · 7 months ago

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Unordinary Type (Ch01, Part02)

This was meant to be all of one chapter, but I don't understand Tumblr's character limit, so it had to be divided in half.

(It finally posted! Turns out I had to make my paragraphs smaller, which is weird because fanfiction I read on here have way chunkier paragraphs than mine?)

(Again, credit to @morallyinept for the Workshop!)

(One day I'll post this with warnings and such but that depends on how tumblr treats my poor paragraphs!)

The first thing you do when you reach the room is use the communication device on the wall to schedule a surgery for the mans obvious stab wound and probably punctured lung. Seriously, how did they make it this far? All you can do until the surgery is confirmed is call in a few other nurses to help get them out of their suits and into the beds.

At least, you try to, but as you guide the man named Ezra to the bed futher away from the door, he protests. "Oh no, the young lady requested the privacy screen, she should take the far bed, don't you think?" You'd never heard an accent like his before, and you were so distracted trying to decipher it, you barely noticed Cee rolling her eyes before scooting in your direction. Swapping places, the two of them settled into their beds and you took the opportunity to record the obvious on their charts as the other nurses hooked them to several machines and started the IVs. Dehydrated, malnourished, sunburnt, and stubborn, you added the last word mentally without writing it down, but most prospectors are. The duo slowly became a lot more relaxed as they were pumped full of several substances, despite Cee insisting that she didn't need quite as many as Ezra. Taking one last chance to get some semblance of information out of them, you cleared your throat and asked, "what happened to the arm, Mr. Ezra?" Recognizing the expression of someone somehow surprised to find themselves dosed with morphine, you weren't at all shocked when his response was utterly ridiculous. "Haven't been stared at so intently by a medical professional in many a long, long time," he said quietly as you leaned in to listen, "you best be adressin' my partner with with any queries you might have as to our... predicament." Before you could even argue, Cee broke in, "that's not the drugs, by the way, he always sounds like that." You blinked while looking back and forth between the two of them, Ezra laughing but not even trying to deny it, as your fellow nurses quickly vacated the room with excuses that they should check on other patients. With just the three of you left, Ezra looked up, and you made eye contact with him for the first time, even though he was clearly fighting the pull of the concoction of painkillers that were being introduced into his bloodstream. "The Green Moon is highly toxic," you hear his voice as though he was still wearing the helmet of his baggy space suit, "even absorbing those toxins through a flesh wound can prove disastrous for those who are unprepared." Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Cee looking just a bit guilty, but you have no time to address either of them.

The communicator on the wall dings, and you look at the screen to see that the surgery was available and someone be arriving shortly to wheel the patient there. "You're in luck," you try to smile, "someone is taking you to get patched up right now." This time, neither of them seem to be impressed with your perky attitude, but when four men come to haul Ezra onto a wheeled bed, taking the machines and the IV with them.

You follow them out the door, intending to submit their paperwork to your supervisor. You don't get very far before you suddenly feel a rough, oily hand at your elbow; Ezra had grabbed you as you walked alongside the rolling bed, bringing you and your coworkers to a dead stop. Looking down at him, you get the sense that if he weren't so battered and defeated by the Green, he'd probably be pretty intimidating, maybe even dangerous. Through heavy breathing and a lump in his throat that he swallows to get the words out, he repeats your name before he says, "don't leave the kid alone. Talk to her about somethin', anythin' at all, but don't leave her." You have thousands of questions, about everything, not just them, but the moon, and prospecting, and what they were going to do after this, but you realize you're getting ahead of yourself. So you only nod and say, "I won't," and as if to prove it, you turn to a passing nurse and give her the paperwork, with instructions to take it directly to your supervisor. You look at Ezra one last time and see his toothy, sort of boyish grin, before turning around and walking back into the room where Cee was left waiting.

#kachi writes #prospect 2018 #ezra prospect #ezra x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #fanfiction #cee prospect

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oohbuggypie · 11 months ago

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bulldon ramble? **sad violin music**

WHO SENT THIS . SHOW URSELF . BULLDON MENTION THE WORLD STARTED SPINNING I GOT DIZZY AND DOUBLED OVER IN STOMACH PAIN INDUCED BY PURE JOY . BullDon augghh yuughhhh ugh ough ouhh ... taking poison damage because i love them so much . where do i start .

have u seen my ridiculously long post about BullDon already ? bcuz if u haven't it's linked and i think u might love that 🩷 HOWEVER BullDon runs in my veins and i think i can contribute even more to this so ramble NOW!! adding a below cut because i wanna explain the story behind the central headcanon so it may get a leeeetle long + i know some people don't care for ship talk 🩷

okay one of my headcanons mentioned in a previous post is that Don absolutely loves vintage cars . he doesn't exactly care for working on/the restoration of vehicles bcuz he isn't a big fan of spending all that money he cant spare on the correct parts, as well as the hyperspecific research that goes into it .. but that man is head over heels for an old Chevy Bel Air Convertible, particularly one with a glossy red exterior and a cream interior. like that's his dream car above all else, and it's something he's wanted since he was 20

anooother headcanon of mine i believe ive mentioned is that Bull has MONEY! considering that he's a world circuit professional boxer, he gets around in a limousine in his comic strip, and is canonically a celebrity ,, why wouldn't he be at least a LITTLE rich ?? however, despite those riches, he doesn't seem to flaunt it , let alone be the type to rub it in others' faces

so between these two headcanons and incorporating my own culture into my fav things .... i think that throughout their "relationship" (lts unlabeled, they just kiss on each other and r quietly in love), as they got closer and got to know each other more, Bull observed the fact that Don would become ecstatic over any old cars that passed them he on the streets . when Don would see them, he'd make remarks about their beauty and how admirous he was of anybody who owned such treasures. Bull had always cared and been fascinated by Don's love for the cars, but he had never taken into account that he may have a desired one of his own. so one day, amidst Don's ramblings, Bull asked him what HIS favorite kind of vintage car was and why. he knew Don would be happy to share, and Bull was genuinely just interested and wanted to know more- but not only did he simply want to know of his interests and passions - he def had a lil smthn in mind ..

upon learning of the Bel Air Convertible, Bull began spending copious amounts of any spare time he got researching this car; all of its parts, all the models and the years they were released, the special features and their availability in the current times .. any and everything anybody knew about that car, he made sure he knew more. he was determined to buy this car for Don as means to express his love and care for not only him, but his hobbies and happiness .

seeing that Bull spent a majority of his time in New York due to his regarded position in the World Circuit and Don's lesser (but still significant) position in the Major Circuit, having time to freely search around uninterrupted, let alone secretively, was next to impossible . it stressed him out for sure .. until about two months after he learned about Don's dream car; Don informed the WVBA and Bull personally that he would be returning home to Madrid for a month's time to reconcile with his family after being separated for the sake of his career for such large bouts of time. it broke Bull's heart to be separated from someone he loved for such a long period, but at the same time this was his desperately needed opportunity to begin searching for anybody in possession of the car, and figure out how long it would take him to both get work done on it and have it be functional

GETTING TO THE MAIN POINT IM SPEEDING THIS SHIT UP CUZ IM SOO TIRED + HAVE TO BE OUT OF HERE IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES + I DONT WANNA BORE U 😭

as afore mentioned, the cost of this car (absolute minimum now is about 36k , so i believe 25k? in 2009) wasn't a deathly problem for Bull; he took every step he had to no matter the cost to get the Bel Air properly repaired. when it came time for the paint job, he had to consider just what KIND of red Don really wanted and how it may make or break not only the beauty, but the sentiment of this car. it was the most nerve-racking factor of the entire process; but after some thought he settled for a Cola red. and sure enough, when the time came that Don returned to New York, there aren't words true enough to describe how hard Don cried and how joyous he was for such thought in his name. He couldn't hug or kiss Bull enough, but he could do ONEE thing that would solidify their love

Don taught Bull about cruising and the "culture" of lowriders !!!!!! this is exactly the reason he wanted this car; to cruise with somebody he loves down any and every street they could, in daylight and at night. he made playlists of music he inserted into a drive so that he could have his favorite music play on the radio while they drove about. he taught Bull all about the love that goes into these cars, the love that goes into cruising, and even the love they'd receive from people on the streets when they saw them. Don got to drive the car first, no doubt about that; but his intention never was to hog it! he wanted Bull to learn how to cruise and when the best times were, and eventually he perfected the position in which he drove so that it was no longer just "driving" to him; it was about the love, the smoothness, and the memories it would make

they adore the day drives in summertime an indescribable amount, but their favorite cruises are the ones at night through the downtown roads. that's when the lack of seat belts in old vehicles let Don slide close to Bull and lean on his shoulder, and when they pulled into and parked wherever they resided for the night he could put his hand to Bull's chest and kiss his cheek 🩷

OMG I AM SO LATE TO THIS ONE ANON I AM SO SORRY ! I SAW IT THE SECOND ÌT GOT SUBMITTED BUT IVE BEEN BUSY AS HELL !! BUT FINALLY HEREEE i hope this wasn't too long or too short or tewww boring BUT ITS ONE OF MY DEAREST BULLDON HEADCANONS 🩷 I HOPE U LOVE IT AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK 🥹

#punch out!! wii #punch out wii #bald bull #don flamenco #bulldon #ask answered #I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS ASK IVE BEEN WANTING TO BABBLE ABOUT BULLDON AGAIN 4 A WHILEE #please excuse any and all spelling errors i wrote so so much of this at 4 am because i was abruptly woken up and had nothing better to do #<- sleeping doesnt count b4 anybody says it I TRIED BEFORE I EVEN DECIDED I WOULD WRITE THIS !#thank uu so much again 🩷

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shiteating · 2 years ago

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i finished the limbus event ages ago but forgot to post my thoughts (still gotta grind in the upcoming weeks) but what a tour de force of an event. i quite liked it. the chickens rolling 11-13 on one coin was pretty annoying so anyone reading this who hasn't started: bring your high rollers. at any rate, i like that it gave limelight to characters that haven't had much so far— it feels as if they combed through the script of the cantos released so far and listed sinners in order of not necessarily who said the least, rather who hasn't really had a chance to show off their personality as much. i do quite understand and feel it— "gives spotlight to characters who needed it" is quite cliché praise that conveys nothing, at the end of the day. but it's true.

spoilers under the cut, for like everything potentially, but especially the event of course. (also may include my grievances with the fandom so if youre not about negativity...well if you follow me here youre probably ok but just a warning out of courtesy)

I LOVED HOW IT GAVE FOCUS TO CERTAIN SINNERS!!!! especially meursault, yi sang and hong lu!! donQ was funny!! gregor was cringefail moe!! more of ryoshu is NEVER a bad thing!! (ryoshu pussy destroyer, apropos of nothing) i think even though sinclair had his introductory canto already with arguably the best sinner to story+dungeon integration and immersion so far, its nice to see him not suffering and just being some guy. i did say "they gave the characters who didn't do much more spotlight" rather than "didn't say much" because in the grand scheme of things, sinclair didn't do that much in canto 1 and 2, and 3 was an interesting facet of him but nonetheless we hunger for these sinners in any situation funny or tragic.

but also because i have a huge issue with "XYZ doesn't talk much" sort of justification for mischaracterization. this concerns mostly yi sang and meursault. now, to preface things, usually i am not the kind of person who likes to heckle people and demand they meet prerequisities before consuming a work (well it depends, for me personally i like going in production order when it comes to games and anime but this is different+if someone came up to me demanding stuff my response would be "no way" out of spite a lot of the time. though i try to respect the work by honoring its othee branches IVE GONE OFF ON A TANGENT SORRY), but yi sang and meursault in particular are about the most straightforward original book to limbus character translations there are probably. i think i mentioned it on main before, but the solution to "i don't know how this character is" is probably to look back on the source material. i suspect it is due to the short length of their respective sources, even yi sang who seems to take after his poetry as well and not just the wings, does not come up to even 50 pages all together probably. (i have not read all his poetry but i've read crow eye's view right after this event because i was further spurned to do so, i read the wings last week) the stranger is about 100 pages. it makes sense, when you have a longer source like for example crime and punishment, you have more room to do more topsy turvy aversions like mixing sonya and rodya's convictions together and switching stuff around ever so slightly... also the genderbending but that's obvious. prosthetics racism aside, they played with sinclair a bit still, but all in all it's following most of demian's beats quite closely, down to demian magically making kromer go away in an act of demian ex machina (though on screen as opposed to off in the book, though the mystique is arguably not lost because the fucker is floating like some kind of ghost or guardian spirit. not saying he is any of this but yknow). P.S. i think if they somehow work eva into limbus i might lose my mind that was such an insane part of the book

however even before this event, in the three cantos we have available, i feel that yi sang and meursault have been adequately characterized. i read the stranger in high school so my memory on it is fuzzy, and as aforementioned i read the wings last week, and they are represented quite faithfully! not to mention meursault wasn't even scarce in canto 3! i understand that they're a little dry as characters, maybe that is seemingly boring to some people but i don't think it is an excuse. there's no REAL need to read the books and that's not my point here at all, but still, i think what we have in the game even pre-event paints a quite clear picture as it is. i'm trying my best not to sound like i'm looking down on anyone, i say this all the time but before limbussy i had only been reading non-fiction books for years because i lost my spark for fiction. i'm happy it revived it. so i'm not gonna come from the angle of "read books or die" cuz that's not me. i'm saying this because i have intense anxiety but i will repeat again that while i speak strongly and perhaps even harshly, i do not think any less of most people. though maybe i cannot hide my annoyance at fandom types much even if i am trying. <-im just a guy

though i will spill the beans on myself and admit that i feel that you miss out on so much when not reading at least some of the books. sure, some of them follow quite closely, but there'a so much fun in comparing and contrasting. seeing the subversions and aversions, and what they chose to keep as is. I LOVE IT!!! i want you guys to know this joy. and i love that my reading block is going away. btw i am reading stuff in canto order. 👍

my comments on donQ in laconic because no one wants to hear it (will oblige if you ask but it is groanworthy so i will use my discretion regardless) (also clarifying again cuz i have anxiety but i do not ever think donQ being silly is bad. she is perfect. i have 0 complaints. it is more about fandom treatment):

and then there was hong lu.

this one's a real stinker. hong lu isn't topping much of my lists but i think he is a charming and nuanced character who is unfortunately probably the most flanderized sinner next to heathcliff and donQ (THE CROWD BOOS AT THE NOTION OF DONQ BEING FLANDERIZED). as with many people, i don't know if a day may come that i will read dream of the red chamber in whole— i may attempt it of course, but the length is undeniably daunting. i don't know much about it, only that hong lu himself is not a character in it, but more like some kind of metaphysical mishmash of different elements in the novel (even his name is derived from the title itself). it is not difficult to surmise that the odds are stacked against him. i don't think this section will be too long, but i feel that not only is the nuance in his character in limbus easily disregarded, but it is being superceded entirely by this phantom of what the fandom has thrust onto him. i am not anti-fun, nor am i "you're enjoying it wrong grrr" (this is a lie i kind of am sometimes but i am self aware of it)

but even just judging from the material in limbus alone i do not see where people got the "hong lu is a frivolous shallow whore" thing outside of idk, him being a handsome somewhat kind of sort of gender non-conforming male character and acting (strong emphasis on acting) a little ditzy and being showy. he's quite sheltered, i do not deny that he says ignorant things because of his upbringing, but the event did lay it on thick in one scene that he also enjoys messing with people a bit. but i think it will still be taken super literally regardless. he is a character with hidden depths, so far not much of it is revealed, but he shows moments of great emotional intelligence at times (like in canto 3 when he told a different sort of half truth to saude about effie being "fine"... i mean it's uh. not a lie) and the guy can definitely read the room if he so chooses to do so. the moment in the event where he got a little cagey and perhaps even introspective when faust used him as an example to explain distortion was another moment of depth uncovered: i think it will be a slow process overall. which is great. there are some characters that we will continue to learn more and more about incrementally throughout the run of the game (however long that will be, but i will be there no matter what) rather than getting a seemingly complete baseline right away. (because really, everyone has hidden depths still, it's just that sinners in the position not unlike hong lu's just have MORE hidden i suspect donQ is the same— /shot

but yeah. i had a lot to think about because of the event. but i love the direction it went with showing the sinners' individuality off and who they chose to show more of. i could not be happier with it. i feel like very few mobage are able to do this balancing act of fleshing out characters outside of story. i think fgo also does it well (CROWD STARTS THROWING ROCKS AT ME)

P.S. i do not assert that my interpretation of the characters is 100% correct and infallible EVER— everyone sees things differently. however what is objectively incorrect is stuff that just ignores canon outright and on a consistent basis. at that point idk if we are reading the same text.

#m #postmortem #kinda

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waspyards · 3 days ago

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woaw hello. been a while since I was on this hii. see the thing is I no longer feel like ripping my hair out of my skull one by one & setting it on fire. so I feel less need to be posting on tumblr. but I kinda missed putting all my little updates on here. and also seeing everybody else's little updates. okay so!

work is so much better so soooooo much better like holy shit. it's crazy to think back on it now I'm so glad I made the admittedly very impulsive decision to do this. also I have to admit this even tho it feels like some kinda weird traitor thing but I do like it. like I'm enjoying work <- can't believe I've become this kind of person. this might change when iv progressed enough that I'm actually training the PhD students on how to do things myself (scary) instead of watching my colleagues do it but for now it's so nice. I don't even mind having to be all covered up in a cleanroom suit

having said that the drop in salary is very noticeable like I'm fine I just need to budget tight. but I'm kinda depending on prices not spiking too high at like any point bc otherwise I don't rlly know what I'd do. other than maybe hope I can find someone to share some other flat with to help mitigate bills a little which is :/

I found a venezuelan food place here :D it's quite small & obvs it'll never taste quite right just bc of the ingredients available & whatnot but it's soooo nice to have a place where I can just pop in & have some things like chicha y empanadas etc

meeting ppl is going slowly but it's kinda happening I just need to get out more. which I've been bad abt bc it's winter & it's cold & windy & rainy & dark out & most days when I leave work I just wanna get under a blanket. but we must persevere (<- saying this while still being undecided about whether or not to attend a potluck tomorrow bc what if I'm rlly tired tomorrow 😕)

I still haven't finished getting rid of the boxes & shit from moving 😐 ummm whatever (I'm being lazyyyy)

I miss my doggggggg I miss him soooo much my little perfect guy 🥲 when I visit he gets angry at me when I leave again & refuses to let me pet him before I go it's funny but also :(

#🫐

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freyayuki · 9 months ago

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Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia Special Title Draw Banners Tickets Pulls Results Part 1

The Special Title Draw banners just showed up in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game.

Sadly, the reason why these banners showed up is because DFFOO just announced that it will discontinue or end its service on February 29, 2024.

That announcement came as a shock. Really wish that wasn’t true. Wish the game wasn’t ending at all.

I talk more about that in another post while in this post, will talk about the results of my ticket pulls on the Special Title Draw banners.

Special Title Draw Banners Information

There are a total of 7 Special Title Draw banners. All the weapons that have been released up through November 21, 2023 will be available in these banners.

Special Title Draw Banner 1 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy I, Final Fantasy XV, and Final Fantasy Type-0.

Special Title Draw Banner 2 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy II and Final Fantasy VII (#ad).

Special Title Draw Banner 3 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy VIII, and Final Fantasy X.

Special Title Draw Banner 4 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy XIV, and Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles.

Special Title Draw Banner 5 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy V, Final Fantasy XIII, and Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin.

Special Title Draw Banner 6 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy VI, Final Fantasy XI, and Final Fantasy Tactics.

Special Title Draw Banner 7 features all the weapons of chars from Final Fantasy IX, Final Fantasy XII, and World of Final Fantasy.

Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia Tickets

When the end of service news showed up in-game, currently have 179 tickets on hand. Since DFFOO was gonna end soon, started collecting the resources that I'd been saving for future upcoming content.

For instance, haven't unlocked a lot of the treasure chests from the World of Illusions so I wouldn't be tempted to spend the gems and tickets that are in those chests.

After getting some of these resources now, managed to get my ticket count up to the max of 999. Will have to spend these to lower the count before being able to get the rest of the tickets.

Special Title Draw Banners Tickets Pulls Results

So I started throwing tickets on the Special Title Draw banners. These are the only banners that are in the game now aside from the Special Daily Draw banner that you can only pull on once a day.

Will keep throwing tickets on these banners until I completely run out. After all, there's no longer any reason to save tickets or any other resources in this game. Ahh, why'd DFFOO have to end? Still so upset about that news. Sigh.

Anyway, here are the results of my ticket pulls on the Special Title Draw banners. Have a lot of tickets, and a lot of my 10-draws just give me the usual bronze and silver trash and/or the occasional gold dupe.

As such, decided to only take a screenshot if I get a Force (FR) and/or Burst (BT) weapon regardless of if it's new or a dupe. Will also take a screenshot if I actually get something new or something I haven't fully max limit broken yet even if it isn't a FR and/or BT.

Will also take screenshots if I get an interesting enough 10-draw like if an unusually high number of golds show up or something.

Got my very 1st copy of Cater's (from Final Fantasy Type-0) FR from a Force orb.

Was surprised but really pleased when a Burst orb actually showed up.

Was hoping to get something new but, unfortunately, just ended up with a dupe of Garland's (from Final Fantasy I) BT.

This 10-draw also gave me dupes of Machina Kunagiri's (from Final Fantasy Type-0) FR, Cater's 35cp, Nine's (from Final Fantasy Type-0) 35cp, and Iris Amicitia's (from Final Fantasy XV) LD.

Got a dupe of Jihl Nabaat's (from Final Fantasy XIII) 35cp. My 1st copy of this hasn't been limit broken at all.

Another force orb gave me a 15cp dupe as well as a dupe of Kelger Vlondett's (from Final Fantasy V) FR.

A 10-draw gave me my very 1st copy of Bartz Klauser's (from Final Fantasy V) FR.

Got a dupe of Leonora's (from Final Fantasy IV) FR.

A force orb gave me a dupe of Paine's (from Final Fantasy X) FR.

Got a dupe of Penelo's (from Final Fantasy XII) FR.

Another force orb gave me a dupe of Leonora's FR. Ugh. If I'm not gonna get anything new, wish I can at least get dupes of weapons I haven't fully MLB'd yet.

A force orb gave me dupes of Lenna Charlotte Tycoon's (from Final Fantasy V) FR and Oerba Dia Vanille's (from Final Fantasy XIII) 35cp.

Another force orb gave me a 15cp dupe as well as dupes of Sephiroth's (from Final Fantasy VII) FR and Kadaj's (from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children) 15cp.

Got dupes of Reno's (from Final Fantasy VII) FR, Leon's (from Final Fantasy II) 35cp, and Barret Wallace's (from Final Fantasy VII) Ex.

Got a dupe of Aeris or Aerith Gainsborough's (from Final Fantasy VII) FR.

Got dupes of Iris's FR and Cor Leonis's (from Final Fantasy XV) 35cp.

And that's it. For this post, at least. There's a lot more but gonna have to talk about the rest of my Special Title Draw banners tickets pulls results in another post since already reached the max limit of 30 pics in this one.

Conclusion

So what about you? What do you think about the news that DFFOO is ending its service on February 29, 2024? Did you pull on any of the Special Title Draw banners using tickets? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging or replying to this post.

Notes:

screenshots are from my Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia game account

#dissidia final fantasy opera omnia #final fantasy 7 #pulls for these chars:#sephiroth #aerith gainsborough #kadaj #iris amicitia #bartz klauser #oerba dia vanille #cor leonis #and more #gacha games #games #dffoo #mobile games #dffoo banner pulls #dffoo ticket pulls

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hitaka5ever · 1 year ago

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Gallbladder Removal Surgery

I wanted to wait to type this after I got my appointment scheduled, but I'll just add it later

Anyway, since Tuesday, I have had severe pain in my back, chest, and abdomen. At first I thought it was just back pain that was severe enough that I could feel it through my chest and belly. On Monday I had been doing some heavy duty digging and pulling out strips of metal from our old pool that we took down, so I thought Tuesday's pain was just a result of overdoing it the day before

Then on Wednesday, I was still having pain in all 3 places and taking Tylenol/Ibuprofen for the pain. It wasn't until after eating quite a bit of gelato ice cream that the worst pain appeared while I was using the bathroom. I had just started my period so I figured it was just more severe cramps than normal and that it would pass once my pain meds kicked in (I believe I was just taking Ibuprofen at the time but my recollection is a bit fuzzy)

This had not been the case

So since Wednesday night, I was having severe pain in my chest and abdomen on my right side below my breast bone. It hurt the worst if I hiccupped, yawned, or did any kind of deep inhales of breath. I was gonna call my doctor on Thursday, but I had fallen asleep during the time I would need to call (they close at 5) So I had to wait until Friday morning to call them

I left a message bc the medical assistant wasn't available, but I also found that I could email my doctor directly through their office's medical portal website, so I had only 1000 characters to explain what was going on

She replied back an hour later, telling me that the pain I was having likely was my gallbladder since I've had issues with it in the last 5 years, and that there wasn't time for me to come in to use their facilities, so she said I needed to go to the hospital. So mum and I went to our only hospital in the ER department, where we waited about 5 hours to finally be seen

So I go back into a hospital room, get an IV in so I could get some pain meds in me, and then I got a CT scan (I can get copies of those results when I return to the hospital) 20-30 minutes after the CT scan, they did an ultrasound on my chest and where my gallbladder sits. That's where they found the real reason I was having this pain all week

Basically my gallbladder is inflamed. They won't normally do surgery when its inflamed bc complications could arise, so I have to get the inflammation down with a set of pills they prescribed me to my preferred pharmacy, which should be filled today. Once that's gone, I can get prepped for gallbladder removal surgery

If all goes well, I should have my gallbladder out early in the coming week

So yeah, my pain may have started out from shoveling metal out of the ground as a pulled muscle in my back, but it turned into inflammation of my gallbladder a day later (I haven't had back pain in 2 days)

Everyone on my mum's side of the family has had their gallbladder's removed bc of gallstones. When I first found out I had problems, I had quite a few stones already, but the surgeon I was assigned to didn't think it was necessary to get rid of it, especially if I changed my diet. I did that for a time, didn't have any chest pains for 4 of the 5 years since my first diagnosis, but have had small incidents that didn't last very long

My last severe attack was when my sister came up for our grandmother's funeral. Then over time, I had really low level pains, which prompted my doctor to have me get the endoscopy I got a few weeks ago, to rule out anything else bc she was convinced my severe heartburn that I take prescription Omeprazole for was cause by my gallbladder. Once its gone, we'll see if my heartburn goes away

My gallbladder just finally can't take it anymore, and this surgery has been a long time coming, but it'll be here within the week

I'll update this after I get my appointment scheduled. Post-surgery, I'll be making a new journal to explain how things went and what I'm doing as I recover with rest. I won't have as difficult of a time as my sister bc unlike her, I can burp and fart the gas they pump into you out faster (she's unable to pass gas easily (she can't even make herself burp) so the gas they pumped her full of couldn't dissipate fast enough, which caused her to be in more severe pain than a person normally would)

Thank you all for reading and I appreciate everyone that has been concerned for me this week. You guys are awesome

#health updates #gallbladder #surgery

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transexualpirate · 1 year ago

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gotta be honest "you haven't spent enough time online" might just be the least well thought out argument/insuit ive ever heard

also just for the record, when you say agp, you're not talking about every women and you're not only talking about only trans women. do agp women sexualize womanhood? yeah, i guess so. is every agp a trans woman? no. is every trans woman an agp? no. at it's core what you're doing right now is just essentially shaming women for sexualizing something that belongs to them either way because some of these women happen to be trans. that's... not very progressive, is it?

but yeah i do think you're right. i have not spent enough time online for this argument. i have my dream college i need to focus on and a part time job im trying hard to maintain. and you know what's interesting? in neither of these cycles or any other irl ive been in this was a discussion that was even entertained. not even in queer spaces and lgbt+ rights support houses (it's a thing in the state im living in rn). that's so interesting. it's almost like you've spent too much time online and is now only desperately looking for something to be mad at because you want to feel something and trans people were just Available.

this isn't a real discussion. you're just looking for rage bait. im sorry, i wont entertain that.

just like i said in the original post. go outside and touch some grass. i hope ur ok. seriously.

we should take autogynephilia back from transphobes actually. it's totally fine to be aroused when you feel desirable and it's totally normal to feel desirable when you're experiencing gender euphoria. go outside and touch some grass

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backyard-birds · 2 years ago

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Life Update/Apologies

Sorry for ghosting y'all, I have been burnt out

Back in June, almost my entire household, myself included, caught covid. I didn't feel up to doing anything but sleeping. After I recovered, I still had some brain fog, and even now it's hard to remember stuff (although I'm not sure if that's from Covid, ADHD, or just chronic pain in the Winter 🙃)

Life has honestly been non-stop since then. In July the family kitten got sick with what the vet thought was either cancer or FIP. Thankfully it turned out to be neither of those things but for a time all energy was devoted to making sure she didn't die.

Since then I quit my old job for a better, but more demanding job. I haven't had as much free time as a result, but as I adjust to the new rhythm that may change.

Also my computer finally kicked the bucket, so that was nice.

But I have a new computer now, with better processing power. I would like to return to this blog and post more pictures, and even open a redbubble store or something at some point (I did just buy an expensive computer with photo editing in mind so... gotta make that money back somehow :-:') (also not that anyone is obligated to, especially since its not like ive done anything here in half a year, but i do have tips available on this blog *cough*)

I will not be forcing myself to post twice a day, because I know that led to my burnout, at least in part. I will post what I want, when I can. I won't make any promises I can't keep, but at the very least, I will try to post something by New Years.

TL;DR: Life hit me like a truck. I'm still alive, and I'll be back.

#update #text post

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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years ago

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Hello, fantastic fanfiction-finding fairy godmother! *hugs*

Could you perhaps recommend a fic like radioactive trees in a red forest but maribor_petrichor, a long (not necessarily) john-centric post-s4 slowburn? With extra pain, please. Like, I'll take a whole bottle of that pain. Just- just dollop that stuff on, it'll be fine, trust me.

Yours, anon :)

Hey Lovely!

First the fic:

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w., 73 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice /Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. "It is what it is." John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

------

Secondly, I haven't read this one, so I can't personally suggest any similar fics, but here are some of my fave angsty post S4 John fics:

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w., 1 Ch. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Infidelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete. (This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing...and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes... and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they're both so very, very rubbish at talking.

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) – A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence / Post-TRF / S3 Rewrite, John’s Sexuality, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, Gay John) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

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If anyone has one they'd like to suggest, please do!

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #pov john #post s4 fics #angst fics #john centric fics

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mixdgrlproblems · 2 years ago

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sorry i haven't updated any of my social media platforms with anything. my mental health is pretty bad rn and healthcare in america is a joke. ive been having panic attacks constantly since wednesday night and here i am no better than before. im expected to lock myself away from the world and give up my cell phone, no exceptions (even though they say they can't make you do something you don't wanna do) or hope i make it to monday and then hope someone can help me. don't have a mental health crisis on a weekend, they'll treat you just like everyone else. wait til monday. i can't believe im still conscious enough to write this. if you have had one panic attack every blue moon or even more frequently, you know how painful that is. imagine having that happen to you for 4 days straight. my heart is strong as hell cuz why haven't i passed out or have a heart attack dealing with this for so long. people expect me to continue to just breathe through it. so im supposed to suffer through this bc no one wants liability for giving me something that can make me worse. at this point ill take anything. and i mean anything. a certain way has been on my mind but i dont want to do it. i want to be able to breathe normally for 24 hours at least. hell i'll take from breakfast to lunch. its recurring every few hours and everyone is asking me do this or why didn't this person do that. the answers are: i did and you fucking tell me. my nurse practitioner who has been prescribing me my depression and anxiety medication for the past 2 years all of a sudden cant just give me something to sedate me "for my safety", no its for theirs at this point. im on the floor crying and hyperventilating and they're like go to the emergency room and the er says well whoever prescribes me my mental health prescriptions, why didn't they do anything. why why why. back and forth back and forth. i literally feel like im on the worst customer service call ever and im being transferred in person from place to place. ive been to 2 hospitals and a mental health center and they couldn't help me. this has been happening since wednesday so why did no one do anything during those 2 days if i cant get care over the weekend. im afraid on monday they're gonna tell me the same thing and i'll literally lose my mind. that's why im shocked im still able to be coherent.

if you ever read, see, hear people who succumb or reach their breaking point from now on, dont fucking say "why didn't they just ask for help" bc they did. i did. for days. ask why wasn't there help available when they simply asked? begged for it? im now blaming american healthcare as the reason why people succumb from suicide from now on. not bc they just went crazy and sadly had no one to turn to.

never fucking say WHY DIDNT THEY JUST ASK FOR HELP ever again or i will go apeshit and scream. im posting this now in case i have to copy and paste this anywhere else.

#mental heath awareness #mental illness #mental healthcare #suicide #suicide awareness #bipoc #bipoc mental health month

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golbrocklovely · 3 years ago

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You guys are giving Sam and Colby $240 a year for this website and it doesn’t even run properly? How is this even possible? You’d figure they would do anything and everything in their power to make sure it ran smoothly. Not to mention they said they were getting rid of the youtube membership but after fans told them they no longer had access to it, instead of moving the content there over to xplr club they made it so you can still sign up for the membership there and thats another $60 a year!!

Ive heard they go days without posting, Colby will post the same stuff multiple times, and Sam shares it on his snap either way. Not to mention people share whole videos from that website on twitter and nothing gets done. Why is no one talking about how wrong this is. It cant be just their management when it has their name on it. Then they throw merch out, call it exclusive and re-release it again only with a few graphics removed. How was Colbys Always tired sold out and immediately available for re-release about 2 months later? Thats impossible. I know they seem nice and are some of y’all’s comfort people but same way y’all are talking about the poor graphics on the merch, talk about this. This is a scam!!

the thing is, all the previous asks about the xplrclub haven't happened to me, minus the website/app being glitchy during livestreams.

i've never been charged twice or more and have never had to deal with their customer service. nonetheless, i agree that they 1000% need to fix their site and app before it gets worse or they get sued. i highly recommend yall start emailing their business emails, and dming them like crazy. maybe get other ppl involved that have also been overcharged and what not.

and as for the youtube membership, while i would love for them to move the content over to the site, i think a lot of fans would be upset bc then they wouldn't be able to access it anymore and would then have to pay for xplrclub.

also i'm totally not gonna tell you guys that if you do have the membership still to just… download the videos and save them for yourself and then get rid of the membership so you don't have to pay for it. i wouldn't recommend that at all…..

there was a period of time when they were editing season one that they were taking 3-5 days to post something. to my recollection, colby hasn't posted anything twice and if sam is sharing stuff on his snap, i wouldn't know since i rarely check snap anymore.

and the ppl that share the stuff from xplrclub, that's gonna happen regardless sadly. it happened with the membership too.

the merch stuff…. yeah, idk. part of me want to also blame fanjoy for that bs bc they would know if a design has been repeat/reused, along with snc. i think to some degree with the merch, they are running out of ideas which is why some designs are getting repeated or switched around slightly. it doesn't make it right, but it might explain it.

also fanjoy is money hungry so i borderline expect nothing less.

….this situation is shitty, to say the very least. i wish i could help yall get your money back or talk to snc about it. this is why i don't really recommend xplrclub to ppl as much as i would have earlier. while it is fun, shit like this happens. and it is expensive. same thing goes with merch.

at the end of the day, you don't have to buy any of this extra shit to be a fan of snc. if you feel left out, there is probably someone out there that would gladly tell you the information you're missing out on (and/or would outright share it with you). while i don't want ppl sharing the stuff from xplrclub, i can't control what other ppl do.

yeah… idk. i wish i could do more to help yall. it sucks and i also feel like i don't know what to say either :(

#ask #personal #sam and colby

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a9saga · 3 years ago

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Sojin from girl's day is really hot. That's the post. No but ive been low key on a girl's day binge since around the time I posted expectation in September. I just really miss that time for girl groups, there was so much good music coming from all directions and they really mastered a particular image in the early to mid 10s. Think anywhere from miss A to 9muses. You didn't get a lot of plain cute, sexy, or girl crush style groups, you got a variety of groups whose styles musically and aesthetically could be described as some of those but had a cool, fun, stylish, feminine personality attached to whatever they did. And I think a lot of girl's day's big hits capture that time pretty well. And also sojin is gorgeous and mayhaps I was looking at pinterest boards of her and admiring that 🙄 don't you? But anyway. I stumbled upon something... something in my heart I knew must exist but I had never seen it with my own eyes on this side of international fandom. The photo I had found the link from, for the record, was not anything terribly racy. It was Sojin in a backless dress, nothing too exaggerated in the shot. But it had come from an "NSFW 18+" girl's day thread on... I don't know, it was any one of those forum sites for Korean or general Asian entertainment that I don't use. It must have been like 7 years old and most pictures in it were not available anymore.

There was a poll at the top, or two actually. The questions were "which girl's day member do you most want to sex up" and the second one was just for your second choice. And the replies were like, sexy fancams and gifs and screenshots of boob/butt/all right even some tiny up-short shots and no I don't mean upskirt shots I mean the tiny gap between the shorts fabric and thighs? Someone took those from a fancam of Minah dancing Female President. And in between this content people were talking about which members of the group they like to jerk off to the most and which one they were about to jerk off to right now. It suddenly occurred to me, like!!! Oh!! There are men here. Yall like girl's day? Um.. okay. Some people said some pretty rude things about Hyeri too. She was apparently the least favored of the guys in the thread.

See, 5 years ago or so, I had fucking had it with the sexual objectification of kpop boy groups by their own fans. Like, people can recognize misogyny. And sometimes those people would still post bulge compilations and make assumed dick size rankings and even estimated measurements! It crossed a line well beyond that of mere smutty fanfiction. Its dehumanizing to post close ups of guys' junk in their skinny jeans to attract the attention of any number of people looking to see that. Like you're kind of supposed to find boy groups sexy. Its not wrong or unnatural for boy bands to be a sexual outlet for you when you're young, if you haven't got a boyfriend your own age to explore with you might be fascinated by your new favorite kpop group. Fanfiction about real people is iffy but smut fanfiction is an inevitability of boy band fandom and that's one thing, as long as you don't take it to the real guys themselves. Bulge shots? That's not your imagination. That's not pretending Jungkook is your boyfriend. That's public objectification they definitely didn't agree to and that has to be really uncomfortable and embarrassing. I made a post about all that years ago that still gets the occasional note. But initially back in the day I got people who seemed to think I was just being a prude.

I always figured a Fei's Jiggling Tits compilation wasn't commonplace on tumblr for a lot of reasons but reason #1 is that it would obviously be offensive and disrespectful. Seeing just one page of that thread with most of the pictures removed was so surreal it was like I couldn't be offended. I felt an absence of shock, a real absence of reaction essentially. Given this was not the type of fandom I was acquired to, I could still understand it. Fanbases for late 2000s/early 10s girl groups on tumblr were not as common to fangirl over even in comparison to the newer ones like twice, red velvet, or even ioi, gfriend, or other already disbanded girl groups of the new generation. It's cause most girls like boys. Most kpop fans were girls. More thirst is targeted at boy groups. Some of those girls liked girls (🙋‍♀️ mee~ 🙆‍♀️ I did). Sapphic girl group fans have their thirst but I gotta we're a lot more respectful to the kpop idols of our gender overall. Men are out there liking my girl groups but to what extent do I trust them with that?

It also makes me wonder at what point is the line crossed? Like.. girl group marketing does not necessarily object to guys jerking off to the members. I certainly don't even think it's a crime to do it. Do what you want with it, I don't care. It's the public discussion and the attention drawn to this on the internet that I think is disrespectful. If I were dancing Female President in tiny shorts and you took a close up looking up those shorts I wouldn't be happy for you to post it. This is clearly looking into something intrusive. The line is somewhere before that point, I think. But it's not like they're sending this whole thread to the girl's day members and asking them directly for something. It's still in public. Is the line being crossed when you ask your own small corner of a kpop forum which members of girl's day you most want to "sex up"? How much thirst can you have in public? How horny on main can you be if it's not wrong to like the group as it's marketed to you? I don't fricking know. I wonder when my issues of philosophy class is going to begin this topic of kpop, fandom, and sexuality. This week we're on Marx.

#as if i haven't already read marx 300 times since my high school world history class #adfgsfj all right I get the guy he's a revolutionary figure i just don't wanna write about him anymore!#what does karl marx have to say about the capitalism of the kpop industry as well as the differences between boy groups and girl groups #meh female president was always kind of a problematic song bc korean taxpayers' money partially funded the video #which obviously the public did not agree to #and... maybe the sexy suggestive dancing behind blinds and stuff was not the most feminist celebration of electing a woman president #ive been typing this on my phone for way too long. i meant to read #dammit its already 1030 #shut up kaily #catharsis #not tagging the group bc no one deserves that... but it will show up in the search im sure 😕

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