#there is no universe where eowells isn't interested in caitlin okay

[simone-garnett]

word count: 3.1k dedication: to @reeseneseira​. serena baby, happy birthday honey. hope you didn’t think i’d forget! information: continuation to this post. caitlin ‘the flash’ snow making a return ;)

Caitlin isn’t quite sure where she is running, doesn’t have a specific location in mind. Just away, far away from reality, from STAR Labs, from a past she missed out on and a future she will be forced to endure.

She simply runs.

And the world around her blurs.

It is miles when she finally stops, when she finally feels like she can breathe without the weight of the world crushing her heart. She stops, buckled over, her hands on her knees, forcing oxygen back into her lungs, too exhausted to care.

But then she takes in her surroundings, forests and trees and no building in sight. She hadn’t been running for that long, ten minutes maximum. But there was nothing familiar around her, no Central City, no identifying landmarks. It was as if she were transported into a different city entirely. It is a distraction, sorely needed and kindly gifted to her.

It wasn’t possible, none of this was possible.

And yet…

She tries to run, and it is her normal speed, but she pushes herself, Caitlin ever the scientist, needing to attempt a variety of circumstances to test her hypothesis. She almost runs into a tree 200 metres away. She had only ran of three seconds.

She didn’t just run miles, She ran hundreds of miles.

There is a pressure in her chest, a clawing feeling scraping at the inside of her, something stopping her lungs from expanding fully. There was something wrong with her, something had changed her on a biochemical level. She needs answers. And she thinks she knows where to find them.

Caitlin speeds to STAR Labs, too confused and bewildered by this to focus on anything else. They were the smartest minds she knew bar Tina and the Stein’s, but she wasn’t sure revealing this new discovery to her boss of all people, would be the wisest course of action.

And it’s Cisco, her best friend and one of the handful of people she trusts implicitly.

If there was one person she could turn to and rely on, it was him.

It takes some time to get there, Caitlin approximating where the city was, using memories of the direction she first ran in and the skills she had picked up as a girl guide to figure out where she was. She was off by a few miles but by that time she could see the lights from the city, see developed bitumen roads, could follow that to the city, to Cisco and STAR Labs.

To answers.

And she pushes herself, rushing to get there faster, a small part of her wondering just how fast she could run, just how far she could push herself physically. And the burning sensation doesn’t occur, not until she starts to slow down in order to navigate the twists and turns of the street. She looks down, eyes widening at the clothes she was wearing were alight with flames, pieces of charred material falling off, fluttering in the wind behinds her as she nears the location. It’s terrifying, an unforeseen consequence of running in flammable clothing, and she needs to get it off herself. Quickly.

So she speeds, up, Caitlin calculating that, while she may have super speed, the fire still burns at normal speeds, fed more easily by oxygen at slower speeds. It means that she skids more, almost hits cars and she thinks that there are explosions of glass behind her. She’s too afraid to turn around and check.

It takes her minutes to reach the building, the security so lax she’s able to enter without any identification. There is an alert every time someone enters the building, so she knows they’ll be there, waiting to see who enters.

She hopes they will know what to do when she does.

As she predicts they are all there, Cisco armed with a spanner, Barry with what she can only assume is a tranquilliser. She can feel a laugh bubble up inside her at the sight – like they could touch her. But then the burning sensation returns.

“OK!” She thinks Doctor Wells says more, thinks he may be asking her questions. She doesn’t answer, too distracted by the fact her clothes are burning again, her dress is now ash and burning, to see the reactions from the men around her, Barry spinning on his heel and covering his eyes, Cisco eyes wide and unmoving. She didn’t think the clothes would disintegrate so quickly. She contemplates trying to pat the fire out, but it’s destroyed too much of her clothing, the more efficient method to just pull it off. 

Cisco yelps when she does so, Caitlin now clad in just her undergarments.

It is only when Doctor Wells sighs, directing his wheelchair to her, does anyone take action. He has a lab coat in his lap, picked up on the trip to her, and he stops a meter away, holding it out to her. There are words of gratitude as she pulls it out of his hands, quickly slipping it on and wrapping herself, well aware that it was the only thing covering her body.

She notices that he doesn’t look away, gaze scrutinising as he takes her in. And she feels like the clothes isn’t on at all, that he is looking through it. She isn’t sure what he’s looking for, isn't sure why he is staring intently at her, isn’t sure what he could see.

But then he claps his hands together.

She jumps.

It breaks her concentration, Caitlin finally turning to the other guys in the room, Cisco holding out a spare shirt he keeps in the lad. She accepts it and ducks out of the room, to put it on, leaving Doctor Wells and the team to discuss the next course of action while she goes to put it on. It is only when she’s alone does she feel more relaxed, laughing at the stupid pun on Cisco’s shirt because why is Han shooting first so important? It comes down mid-thigh and she still feels so under-dressed for the lab, Caitlin slipping on the lab coat over the shirt, sighing before entering the lab.

They barely give her a glance, Cisco sitting on a chair, running simulations on the computer, Barry leaning over him, pointing out factors that need to be changed, calculating the different permutations that could exist when considering different circumstances.

And Wells just sits in his wheelchair, listening, interjecting only to push them onto a new train of thought.

She almost feels guilty for interrupting, but they are discussing her, talking about her powers and her abilities and she needs answers.

It is almost comical, the way she clears her throat and has Cisco and Barry jump in their spots in response, Doctor Wells instead just rolling around to face her. Cisco spins in his seat, rolls to her, a smile on his face and a twizzler hanging out of his mouth. “Do you guys have my phone?”

Barry shuffles in the background, pulling something out of the drawers, face consciously neutral as he hands it to her. It is her phone, but only a few taps are needed for her to realise it was dead. “Really? You didn’t charge it?”

Cisco winces at the unimpressed tone. “Sorry. But think about it this way – you can charge it while we time you.”

She knew it was coming, but she didn’t think it would be so soon. “And what am I supposed to be running in?” She looks down at her outfit and then back at Cisco. “This?”

But he just smiles and laughs, jumping up off his seat. “Just leave that to me.”

It only takes a few hours for him to design and create a suit for her, the STAR Labs van used for the first time in what seems like months. Barry is driving, silent as he concentrates on the road, the location somewhere he was familiar with. And Caitlin sits in the back with Cisco and Doctor Wells, tugging at the tight outfit they had her in. Discreetly. Cisco had noticed her doing it earlier in the hour and had slapped her hand away, frustrated that she was ruining the integrity of the outfit. And yes, she gets why it has to be tight, why calculating the impact of air resistance on loose clothes would be such a pain and so much easier if they simply didn’t need to do it.

She still hates it.

There is an overwhelming joy when they arrive at the testing site. Cisco disappears to set up the markers, Doctor Wells sets up the equipment at the base and Barry is responsible for making sure the sensors attached to her were functioning correctly.

“I noticed you don’t smile too much. Not anymore.” She takes the opportunity to talk to Barry while they were separated from the others. While they weren’t as close as she was with Cisco, it doesn’t mean she never saw the man before. Because she did,and he was always accompanied with a bright smile and a sparkle in his eye. It had disappeared.

A dry laugh leaves him, Barry running his hands through his hair. “Yeah, didn’t think you would pick up on that.”

There is a sadness in his tone that has her heart lurching for him. “Wanna talk about it?”

Apparently he does, because that was all she needed to say for the story to come tumbling out in stilted sentences, Barry’s face pinching as the memories cut at his heart. “My best friend and my dad. I was so excited about working in STAR Labs I dragged them both with me.” There was a bittersweet smile on his face, a weak thing that didn’t deserve the title of smile, not when there was so much pain behind it. “And then there was the accident.” He cuts himself and she wants to apologise, wants to run back in the past and stop her words from coming out, to protect him from herself. “She wanted to be a journalist, wanted to get the biggest scoops. I couldn’t keep her away from the site if I tried. And then my dad, hit by a blast of energy as he tried to get to safety…” He breaks eye contact, shaking his head, Barry feeling so helpless. “I lost so much in that explosion, more than my reputation or job…” She can see him shuttering himself off and she puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, hoping it comes off as comforting.

She thinks it does, Barry lifting up his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips as gratitude. But she can still see the pained expression on his face. “You know who you’re speaking to, right?” Caitlin tries to inject some humour into her tone, she can hear the undercurrent of sadness underneath.

His expression softens, a more genuine look on his face. “Ronnie.”

He doesn’t really need to say any more.

He isn’t given the chance to.

“Alright guys!” Cisco’s voice carries over the distance, the pair separating quickly, Barry to the makeshift lab where the equipment was set up, Caitlin to the starting line. She bounces on the balls of her feet, trying to loosen herself up. “We’re ready Cait. Just run as fast as you can, trying to keep in the course.”

She grins.

That, that she could do.

She leaves them in her dust, a whoop echoing in the air behind her.

The rest of the day is a blur, Cisco alight with excitement at the speeds she could reach, eager for more tests, to learn more about her new ability. And Barry was intrigued by the chemical change in her body, interested in learning just how this happened. It thrills her, Caitlin throwing herself into testing, so eager for a distraction, for something to focus on so she wouldn’t think about the other revelations from hours earlier.

It is when she leaves the lab, when she is alone with only her thoughts as company, does everything she tries to suppress bubble up, a force unrivalled, overwhelming her, overcoming her.

Her new powers, the lost time.

Ronnie.

Martin Stein can never be accused about not loving, not caring for his children.

Not even Caitlin,

especially not Caitlin.

He had been accused multiple times, teenage and adult Lily alike, of favouritism to her. And it’s wrong and ridiculous and maybe a little but true. But Lily was her mother’s daughter, alike in attitude and temperament and in ganging up on him. But Caitlin, sweet Caitlin who would never get involved, who would support him when they criticised his workaholic tendencies. Caitlin moved in when she was only five, who would, even at such a young age, sneak into his study and curl up in a chair so she could spend time with him, even if it was in silence. Caitlin who would fall asleep in the chair, who would complain if he tried to send her away, who would fight his attempts only to fall right back asleep in his arms as he carried her to bed.

Caitlin who would cry because of her nightmares, screaming for her daddy,  would plead please daddy, please save me. Caitlin who would only calm down when he would hold her in his arms and tell her the history of the Jewish people or of his research.

Caitlin who had called him dad accidentally when she was ten, too tired to think. Caitlin who realised later on and hid from him for a whole week before he called her to him and explained that she could call him that if she ever wanted to, that he was okay, that it was up to her.

Caitlin who never realised just how much his heart swelled whenever she would do that, how choked up he was when she first said it. How it was one of his most treasured memories.

And so having her stumble into the house late that afternoon, collapsing into his hands as soon as he had opened the door, it filled him with relief and sorrow. Because she was awake, she was alive. He had spent nine months wondering whether he would ever have that opportunity, whether he would never have the opportunity to tell her that he loves her. She returns to him, and she returns overcome by her tears. Martin can’t help but pull her close, a hand cupping the back of her head, holding her to him as she breaks down in his arms. The tears soak through his shirt and she trembles in his hold, desperately clutching at his sweater, using him to hold herself up.

He just holds her tighter. “Come on Caitlin, let’s go sit down for a moment.” And she walks with him, small, shaky steps until they reach the couch, the pair of them collapsing on it. She curls up in his side, so small, so fragile. She still clings to him, pressing herself to his side, the trembling receding.

“Sorry,” she chokes out.

“You don’t need to apologise, honey.” He strokes the top of her head, pressing a kiss to her crown. It takes few minutes before she has the strength to pull away from his side, Caitlin taking his hand. “Look at you, my beautiful girl.” It is a watery smile on his face, Martin wiping away the streaks of tears still on her face. “You’re awake.”

“Ronnie’s dead dad.” The tears start welling up again, her voice thick with emotion. “Ronnie’s dead and I was in a coma for nine months and he’s gone and everything’s changed. I’m so lost.” He pulls her closer, a deep exhale leaving him.

 He had nine months to adjust to that knowledge, Caitlin’s only had a few hours.  “I’m still here sweetie. And Lily, and Clarissa. We’ll be with you every step of the way. Whatever you need.” She nods against his shoulder, her breathing wet as she tries to get oxygen back in her lungs. The monster from earlier had returned, but it cowered away in the presence of Martin, the pain softened by the gentle way he held her, had always done so.

“Did you tell mum?” The question surprises him, so left of field.

“I haven’t told anyone you’re awake Caitlin, I’ve only just found out.” There is a certain mirth in his tone, chuckling softly at the idea of it.

Her face twists. “No, my mum. Did you tell her I was in a coma?”

The mirth drops from his face and he holds his breath.

Carla.

The truth shows on his face, and hers falls. “I’ve got to see my mum, Dad. I’ve got to tell her I’m okay.” And Martin Stein, his heart breaks for her. The desperation in her face, the utter need to talk and speak with her mother again, even after the mess of their past. There was barely a flinch when he had told her about the incident, a stone-faced Carla simply asking for updates before leaving the meeting.

But Caitlin had lost her fiance, he couldn’t deny Caitlin her mother as well. Not while she was still alive.

“Alright, alright.” He squeezes her hand. “If you think you need to I’ll go with you.”

The offer isn’t surprising, he makes it every time she thinks of visiting. She had never said no before. “I think I should go on my own.”

She thinks it might hurt him a little, for her to want see her mother without his presence. There is a flicker of something behind his glasses and she hopes it isn’t disappointment. “Tomorrow then, I think I’d like you home for the rest of the day.” He smiles at her, and she feels a warmth inside her. Home. “And I don’t think Lily would take it well if you leave before she has a proper chance to say hello.”

Caitlin lights up at the idea of Lily, a sheepish look crossing her face as she realises that she had missed her earlier the day during the run. That she must have rushed from work to STAR Labs at Barry’s text, only to find Caitlin missing and not responding to her texts.

She nods and he smiles, a weight off his shoulders at the acceptance. Martin offers to heat her something up as dinner, rebuffing her attempts to join in, lighter memories of Caitlin and almost burning the kitchen down in her previous attempts to cook something brought up between laughter.

And she can’t deny the effect that he has, that being back in her home has. Her spirit already feels lighter. 

Today she’d stay with the Stein’s.

Tomorrow… tomorrow she’d visit her mother.

Tomorrow she’d go to Iron Heights.