#there is indeed a few physical fights over who gets to be best man/woman and in the wedding party

[luxaofhesperides]

For the ghostlights drabbles!! Slow dancing + aged up? Maybe it’s their wedding, maybe they’re just having a slow night, maybe it’s an all-Wayne’s-must-show-up gala event and Danny tagged along but I’m just thinkin like. Older Danny and Duke so in love with each other everything else just. Fades away

Danny’s been fidgeting all day. 

He can’t help it, being so full of restless energy that he has to keep moving somehow. It’s enough to be noticeable, and though Duke gave him a curious look, he didn’t push when Danny insisted he was fine. 

It’s just that he’s hyper-aware of the small box tucked away in his pocket. And judging by the excited, gleeful looks on the other Bats faces when he had lunch with them, they are also aware of his plans to propose. He just hopes Duke doesn’t have his suspicions so he can surprise his boyfriend properly.

Throughout their walk through Robinson Park, as Duke had wanted for their weekly date, Danny keeps brushing his hand against his pocket, thoughts drifting as he wonders when he should ask, how everyone would react, how difficult wedding planning would be…

“Seriously, are you okay?” Duke asks, pulling Danny to the side where a few trees hide them from view. “You’ve been distracted all day.”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. Really.”

“Sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything.”

Danny looks at him, takes in the sincerity of his words, the softness in his gaze, and smiles. He can’t help but pull Duke closer by his collar, leaning down a bit to kiss him. “I know,” he whispers against Duke’s lips. “I promise everything’s fine.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“It’s a secret,” Danny says, a giddy grin spreading across his face. “But I’ll tell you soon. Very, very soon.”

Duke looks into his eyes, gauging how honest he’s being, then nods. “Alright. Take all the time you need, honey. I can wait forever for you.” He presses a kiss to the corner of Danny’s mouth, then pulls away, taking hold of Danny’s hand. “Ready to head back home?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Danny squeezes Duke’s hand and follows after him as he begins walking, wondering how he got so lucky with the sweetest, bravest, most considerate person to be his boyfriend. And more, hopefully. He really wants to keep Duke forever. He wants Duke to keep him, too.

He considers proposing right then and there, too full of nerves to survive keeping it secret for another few hours, but the park isn’t empty and he knows Duke wants something more private. So he lets Duke lead them home, their steps falling in sync as they make their way to the streets. 

Gotham is as busy as ever, full of noise and people as everyone goes about their day, trying to get from this place to that. But with Duke, everything feels quiet, as if the rest of the world can’t touch them when they’re together. He rarely ever feels so comfortable in silence, but like in most matters, Duke is the exception.

Danny swings their hands between them as they walk the few blocks to their apartment, heart filled with so much love he doesn’t know what to do with himself. So much has changed over the years; Danny is barely recognizable as the fourteen year old who just had a lab accident and took on the responsibility of protecting Amity Park. He was smaller, then, and struggling to figure out a way forward when everything seemed determined to ruin him. 

At some points, he didn’t think he had much a future at all. His parents had found out that he was Phantom, and rather than attacking him, they were heartbroken to know that he had died so young and they never noticed. His parents have never stopped seeing him as a dead kid since, always grieving him and too guilty to really see who he is now. He hopes inviting them to the wedding won’t be a mistake, because he does want them there so they can see how happy he is. 

He can hardly believe that it’s been nearly eight years since he met Duke. They had gotten together after being friends for a year, working together to handle any ghosts who needed help or were causing trouble in Gotham, and helped each other through college and getting their first jobs. 

Duke has been with him for most of his happiest memories. He had been by his side through so many milestones and and quiet moments. 

If there’s a life for him without Duke, he doesn’t want to live it.

So overwhelmed by his feelings, Danny can’t help but cling to Duke, wrapping him up in a hug as soon as they step into the elevator of their apartment building. Duke doesn’t ask any questions, just holds him gently and helps walk him to their door, making sure he doesn’t trip. 

Danny hears the key slide into the lock. The door opens a moment later, and then Duke is slipping out of his arms, kneeling to help Danny out of his shoes at the entryway. 

It’s little things like this that make Danny feel like his heart is going to burst. Duke loves in such quiet, gentle actions. 

“I’m going to go change real quick,” Duke says as he takes off his own shoes. “What do you want for dinner?”

“We have garlic soy sauce pasta in the freezer.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be back in a minute.”

He heads off to their bedroom, already stripping out of his shirt to change into more comfortable clothing, which tends to be either sweatpants or pajamas. Danny goes to the kitchen, pulling the pasta bag out of the freeze and setting it on the counter to thaw a bit. 

He bites his lip, thinking, then pulls out his phone and texts Barbara.

caspar: hey babs, are there any cameras in our apartment that you can hack?

big brother: Only at the front door and windows. Why?

caspar: can you hack my phone and record a video for me? i’m going to propose to duke tonight

big brother: Danny! Yes of course I can!! 

caspar: thanks babs :) pls also send it out to everyone else tomorrow so we can have a quiet night in

big brother: You got it Danny. Can’t wait to share the news!! Go ahead and get your phone in a good place and I’ll be ready to start recording.

Danny sends her a quick thumbs up emoji, then glances around to find the perfect spot that wouldn’t look too suspicious. He settles on the dining table, which looks into the kitchen. The island isn’t in the way, thankfully, so as long as Danny stays in front of the counters that are in the camera’s sight, he should be able to get a good video of the proposal to send to everyone. 

Besides, he knows Duke loves collecting memories like these in every way he can. And while Danny considered asking Tim to stalk them with his camera to get good proposal photos, that would have meant proposing outside to ensure he got a good shot and Duke has never been into public proposals. 

He’s just set his phone up when Duke reappears, wearing gray sweatpants and a large dark blue sweater, knit by Jason a few years ago. 

He looks so soft and comfortable that Danny can’t be blamed for falling onto Duke for another hug, burying his face in his shoulder. 

“Hey, there, honey,” Duke laughs. “You sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve been really clingy today. Not that I mind, or anything.”

Danny nods. “I just really love you.”

Duke kisses his temple, and Danny can feel his smile against his skin. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

“Dance with me?”

“Alright.”

They start to sway softly together, just moving side to side, then Duke brings out his phone to play a few quiet songs from one of their many playlists. He recognizes the song as coming from their ‘heart to heart’ playlist, because they very much are that cheesy couple that make playlists for each other and for every occasion. This one is for quiet nights together, full of soft love songs and ballads. 

With music to guide them, they start moving more, pulling apart to properly dance. They twirl in small circles, still swaying slowly as they dance, just happy to be together. 

Danny sinks into the comfort of this quiet joy, slow dancing in the kitchen with Duke for a few songs. He’s already looking forward to dancing together at their wedding.

Duke pulls up his hand to lead Danny in a spin, and Danny returns the favor.

Just as Duke begins to turn back around, Danny takes out the ring box from his pocket with his free hand and drops to one knee.

Duke completes his spin, smiling softly, then freezes when he sees Danny kneeling. 

“Duke,” Danny begins, and then Duke lets out a startled laugh, grinning wildly.

“Wait!” he says, “Wait, I can’t believe this. Do not move, Danny, I swear—” And then he’s turning and rushing away. Danny watches him, confused and just a little hurt, wondering what’s going on as he watches Duke move a few knick knacks on their shelf aside. He hides something in his hands, then returns to Danny and also drops to one knee.

He opens his hands to reveal a ring box. “I was going to propose later tonight,” he says, laughter in his voice, “But you beat me to it!”

Danny grins, elated, all but tackles Duke in a hug. “Oh my God,” he laughs, “I love you so much. More than anything.”

“I love you so, so much. Give me my ring, I can’t wait to marry you.”

Smiling so hard it hurts, Danny slips the ring onto Duke’s finger. Duke does the same for him, then lifts Danny’s hand to place a kiss against his knuckles. “I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

“And I’ll love you beyond the rest of mine.”

He cups the back of Duke’s neck and kisses him sweetly. It doesn’t last long when neither of them can stop smiling, laughing together breathlessly.

“Come on,” Duke says, pulling Danny up to his feet. “I want to practice for our wedding dance.”

And Danny follows his lead, falling back into step with him, twirling slowly through the kitchen. He already can’t wait to be married to Duke.

. . .

[send me ghostlights prompts!]

[random-imagines-blog]

Sideways {Andrew Garfield x Reader}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 1811 Summary: Andrew gets a call that no one wants to get. Especially from their own child. Warning: Contains hospital, miscarriage and talk of pregnancy.

The best part about your job was that you could do a lot of it online, and could travel with Andrew when he went abroad for his different acting gigs. This was one of the last times that you would be able to go, since it was the Summer and your daughter was going into first grade, and you wanted to keep her in one place to keep her adjusted. Still, he was going to appreciate all that he could get. And every minute that he wasn’t needed on set, he was going to take you and your child together to go and explore. He’d been here in Vancouver before, but you hadn’t, and he was eager to show you what he had learned about on his last trip here. But for now, he was stuck in the studio, getting fitted for one of the ‘special’ outfits that he was going to be wearing for this film.

He was laughing with the wardrobe stylist, joking about something that happened with the director on the first day here. They had pranked him by bringing in a bunch of extras and announcing them as the main cast. The director had sputtered, and not wanting to be rude, had to excuse himself to make ‘script adjustments’. Once he had realized that it was all a prank, he saw the funny side, and all tension and nerves around the team had dissipated. Andrew had been in on it and thought that it was hilarious, especially since he had been dressed as one of the camera-crew. Best acting he had ever done, the director had said to him.

“There’s a call for you, Mr Garfield,” His assistant said, popping up beside him. She was a small, older woman with a very no-nonsense air about her. She hadn’t appreciated the prank, because it meant that she missed out on a few hours of work. “It’s urgent.”

“It is?” Andrew asked, wondering who it could be. You only texted him during work hours, and he’d give you a call at lunch once in a while, otherwise he would wait to tell you about his day once he got home. That way his little girl could listen in and chime in whenever she wanted as well. “Excuse me,” He told the woman who was measuring his shoulders to make an adjustment to the suit. She nodded, and helped him to remove what he had on of the costume, then he changed quickly then finally accepted the phone from his assistant.

“This is Andrew,” He said, just in case it was an urgent professional call. He could hear a commotion coming from the other end of the line. There were men talking, and then a loud siren. Ambulance, not fire truck or police. He knew the difference, having always stayed in hotels in busy cities.

“Daddy?” The six-year-olds voice came through, and Andrew felt his heart sink from his chest down to his knees. He looked at his assistant who looked more solemn than usual. And maybe even a little bit concerned. “Daddy - it’s Mommy.”

“What’s wrong with mommy? Tell me everything - and where are you going?” He took his wallet and keys from his assistant, who had been holding onto them during the fittings.

“Where are we going?” Andrew heard her ask someone, and a man said something in response. “Vancouver General,” The little girl repeated.

“I’ll meet you there, okay? Stay with one of the paramedics until Daddy gets there. I won’t be long.”

-

It took him half an hour to get to the hospital, and that was with light traffic. He cursed the studio for being so far away, but he knew it was just the stress. His daughter wasn’t able to give him much information, just that you had been in the bathroom, crying in pain, and then told the little girl to call 911. They had taught her the emergency number for every country that they stayed in, just in case. It was good that she knew, but he hated that she had to use it.

You had been feeling fine that morning, he recalled. You went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, had a simple meal of oatmeal and fruits. He was thinking that perhaps you had food poisoning of some sort? He hoped it was something as simple as that, though you wouldn’t have called 911 over something so trivial.

He parked, then ran into the first entrance that he could find. It was emergency, and they gave him directions to the fourth floor. He noticed from the signs around the elevator that it was to ... to a pregnancy floor?

He saw his daughter first, sitting on a bench, reading a book, swinging her legs back and forth since they weren’t reaching the ground. There was a paramedic sitting with her, but not saying anything. Just keeping an eye on her, which Andrew was thankful for. His footsteps brought their attention, and the little girl jumped to her feet. She had been crying, Andrew could tell from the puffiness of her cheeks. She ran towards him, and he leaned down to catch her in a hug. “Daddy! I called just like you taught me to!” She pulled your phone out of her pocket, it looked so massive in her little hands, and she held it up to show you.

He knew the password, there were no secrets between you two. You knew his as well, but neither of you ever went snooping. In fact, this was the first time that he had used it. He saw indeed that your first call of the day was to work, and then 911, and then to him. He turned the phone dark and put it into his own pocket. He scooped up the girl and held her in his arms in a giant bear hug. He looked at the paramedic over her shoulder, took a step towards him and held his hand out. “Thank you so much for staying with her-”

“It’s no problem,” He said, getting to his own feet. “We had to resupply the ambo anyway. And - the doctor said that your wife was stable. I’m sure she’ll be out soon.” He shook Andrew’s hand then excused himself to go back to work, and Andrew sunk down on the recently vacated spot on the bench, still holding his daughter on his lap. There wasn’t much that he could do except for wait for the Doctor, which didn’t take long. The commotion that your daughter made had gotten their attention.

“Hello, Mr. Garfield?” The Doctor said, coming out of the room. She reminded Andrew a lot of his assistant. Same motherly face, same solemn features. Andrew nodded to the affirmative. “Your wife is going to be just fine, though her body had gone through some trauma. She’s going to need to rest, take it easy for a couple of weeks at least.”

“What happened?” He asked, his voice shaky with relief that you were going to be fine. Still, this had seemed to come out of nowhere. And the fact that you were in the pregnancy wing made him nervous.

“Your wife had a miscarriage, Mr. Garfield. She was three months along,” The Doctor’s voice was straight to the point, no emotions at all. She must have to deliver news like this all of the time. “She claims that she didn’t know that she was pregnant, so she is feeling rather fragile. I’d like to keep her for overnight observation, just to be careful.”

Andrew swallowed, but nodded. There wasn’t any other reaction that he felt like he could have. He could only hug his daughter close, thankful that at the very least, he had her. “Can I see her?” He asked the Doctor, who nodded, and motioned towards the open door that she had just come out of. Andrew got back up to his feet, and walked in, still holding his daughter, who was being unusually quiet. He realized as he walked into the room that she had fallen asleep.

You hadn’t, however. You were laying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting fluids, staring straight ahead of you blankly. Andrew hummed to announce that he was there, and you snapped out of it, your eyes meeting his. They were still filled with tears on your end, while he was still comprehending the news.

“Hey baby,” You said, weakly smiling. Andrew smiled back, and set the little girl down on a chair, where she curled up immediately and continued to sleep away. All that worry and excitement must have exhausted her. He then went to your side, taking hold of both your hands, being careful of the IVs.

“How -” He said, shaking his head. “How did this happen?”

“I don’t know,” You said, blinking away tears. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I swear, I wasn’t keeping anything from you. I had my period and no other symptoms. I mean, I thought I gained a little bit of weight but I thought that was just all of the cake,” You somehow managed to laugh though it didn’t sound sincere. “The Doctor says that happens sometimes.”

Andrew would never dream of accusing you of cheating. The two of you stayed in the newlywed stage of your marriage, remaining sexually active. The math added up enough, three months, you two were definitely intimate three months ago.

“How do you feel?” Andrew asked, caressing the top of your hands with his thumbs. “And not just physically.”

You took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out. “I’m devastated,” You admitted, finally admitting your own truth. Tears were fighting to come out and you had stopped the battle, letting them descend freely. “When I heard that I miscarried - I realized... I want that baby. I want to have another one with you and we just lost our chance.”

Andrew felt the same wave of depression overcome him. In an alternate universe, he could just be finding out that he was going to be a father again. He had to be strong for you though. He could let out his emotions when you got home. You were too vulnerable right now.

“We’ll have more chances,” Andrew said, leaning forward and kissed a tear off of your cheek. It tasted salty, it lasting on his lips for a long while. “I’ll gladly give you another baby.”

You chuckled at that, though you were still crying. “You just like the act of making one, mister,” You squeezed his hands. Andrew laughed as well, and nodded.

“Can you blame me?”

[lilsuzn]

MLQC Gavin - Fluff abc headcanons

So by the popular demand - I am back.

Just kidding. No one was asking.

Fandom: Mr. Love: Queen's Choice

Warnings: None (the reader is gender neutral)

Dedication: @marytheredqueen

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

You need to trust me when I tell you that Gavin had indeed tried to find at least one thing he could dislike about you. Many times.

Yet your body seems to have no flaws. He checked quite a few times at this point.

Your heart is pure. Loving. Patient. Loyal.

Whenever you’re at his side… The world is at peace. No pain exists, nor does suffering.

You are his purpose. You are his equilibrium. Nothing matters as long as he can be by your side.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Your beautiful eyes.

There will never be anything more beautiful than the way they shine before your lips meet in a loving kiss.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Him on his back.

You in his arms. Laying on top of him.

Your head rests on his chest, no matter if it’s your front, side or back that presses against his muscular torso - it’s perfect.

He also likes the smell of your shampoo… it’s just intoxicating for him.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

He likes doing things outside with you.

Attending festivals, engaging in new, interesting sports, indulging in some street food or picnics.

He’s a sucker for long, romantic walks too, soooooo

He takes you out to the festival. Buys all kinds of yummy food for both of you to share. Wins you an enormous plushie and then carries it around for you. While holding your hand. Tightly.

Then takes you for a night stroll, to then kiss you under the sky full of stars before you turn back.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

He only feels like he can really express himself around you - so it will get intense. In all the best ways.

Gavin doesn’t shy away with showing you his affection, even if he tends to have a slight problem with voicing it sometimes.

His expression softness, his fingers brush delicate circles on your skin.

He doesn’t need to say anything. You know.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Oh he really, really wants a family.

Two kids… or maybe more.

A dog for them, maybe.

House with a big garden and a treehouse.

He wants to play and fool around with his kids. Put them to bed. Support them. Be proud of them… Everything his father never did.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

When you want something, no matter how silly it might be - it’s yours.

Don’t even make me start on what you need.

Because there are very little things (and all of them are about you) that could make him happier than seeing you happy because of what he gave you.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

It's not optional.

There will be hands holding whenever it's possible.

It’s as much for your safety as it is for his comfort. 

All these guys with eyes better don’t use them to stare at you. 

See this hand? This beautiful gem of a person is with ME.

Likes to hold your hand while snuggling on a couch. Or in bed while falling asleep.

Holding hands is like a physical projection of the bond that’s between the two of you - and he loves it.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

He would blame himself. No matter what. It might be ridiculous, but he would always feel guilty for not preventing it from happening.

Wouldn’t leave your side. Would help you with anything and everything.

If there’s a concrete person or a group of people that caused your harm... Insert a very, very angry and strong bird cop with a gun.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

You would have a light-hearted relationship in which he would tease you from time to time and he wouldn’t be mad if you did the same to him.

However he’s not one to prank you. He would find no enjoyment in it.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Gavin loves to be kissed and he loves to kiss. All over your face. All over your body.

Any kisses are game. Slow and passionate ones. Heated ones. Sweet, delicate, loving, appreciating - he loves them all as long as he can share them with you.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

Acts of service - He looooves to spoil his lovely sweetheart (you) this way. Wants to bring you food, tidy up your apartment for you, brush your hair, paint your nails… Just ask him and he will do it. Whatever it is. And then he will do things on his own initiative, because he likes to surprise you. You smile so beautifully when he does…...

Gifts - He likes gift giving as I already mentioned in G, but it’s no indication of love to him. He just enjoys your reactions. Prefers to show his love differently.

Physical touch - His number one and you can not convince me it is not. He’s a snuggly bear who loves kisses. You are just so soft and warm and he loves you sosososososo much. Would never want to hold this way any other. His physical affection is something reserved only for you. 

Quality time - see Q.

Words of affirmation - Gavin is not very good with words. Not that he can’t be when he wants to, but he kinda doesn’t want to most of the time. It’s uncomfortable. He’s feeling unconfident doing so. He prefers other ways, but when he does speak up… It’s the most adorable and loving thing you will ever hear in your life.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

It was your first 'real' date, but even though you both confessed love to each other, you weren't a ‘official’ couple yet.

At least there was no proper act of becoming a one.

You walk through the park on an evening of a chilly fall. Not many people in sight.

You just finished a lovely dinner date. Gavin even bought you a dessert to share.

And it just felt right. Everything.

The way your fingers were laced. How you both couldn't spot peeping at each other.

"Will you be my girlfriend Y/N? Please?"

He sure was pretty sure you wouldn't deny him, but he didn't expect you to throw your arms around his neck and kiss him the way you did.

"Nothing could ever make me happier than that, Gavin."

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

He’s scared of losing you.

Either by you walking away from him after discovering that you “deserve so much better”

Or by not being alert enough to protect you…

Surely, he would prefer the first option, but he can’t deny that both would hit him harder than anything else ever could.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

Gavin is a little bit of an odd duck in general, but I think he has one major weirdness about him.

I would call it… A Keanu Reeves complex.

He doesn’t like compliments. Always feels like they’re far from true, because he always feels like he’s not enough and maybe even never will be.

Which is so far from true.

Like, Vivi, come on! You’re so freakin perfect!

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

He usually calls you simply by your name, but the boy has his moments.

Moments when he can help but call you all sorts of the cutest names.

Little angel, starry eyes, little munchkin along with the classics like honey, babe, sweetheart, treasure and my precious.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

How?

Often.

Intensely.

Calmly.

Comfortably.

Restlessly.

He just wants to be by your side. Any. Chance. He. Gets.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Moonlight by Ariana Grande

Because Gavin’s sweet like candy, but he’s such a man...

Or A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope 

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

Not at all. At least at first.

He gets better with time, but you still need to ask for it. He would never just come to you to lean on your shoulder and tell you what troubles him.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Well. A lot.

Because of what I say in X below.

He just assumes that you don’t reciprocate his feelings, because he doesn’t deserve it.

He eventually tells you about his feelings under your insistent questions regarding the subject.

And then? After he finally tells you?

That’s when it escalates quickly.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

At first he tries to keep it inside. Not let you see… But it’s pretty obvious since he doesn’t talk to you. Barely throws any acknowledgment your way.

It would take quite some convincing for him to tell you what’s wrong.

Unless it’s jealousy that is a reason behind his anger. Then he will show you just how upset he is…

Not necessary in a bad way, tho...

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He’s very proud of you. Always.

Even when you think you’re a failure, he still recognizes how hard you work and how smart you are.

And he also prides himself for earning love of a woman as wonderful as you.

But he’s not a show off. He doesn’t like to be in a center of attention. He doesn’t care for compliments or recognition.

He knows how wonderful you are and that’s all that matters to him.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Well, it goes without saying.

Yes. Obviously.

This is Gavin. He does it actively throughout the whole story like it’s the only thing he knows.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

He’s not an expert in emotions.

He gave MC a blood stained letter and was surprised she was troubled by that.

Okay, let’s not sugar coat it - he’s not good at it at all. I said it.

I’m sorry. I wish it was different for you Vivi.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

I think in Gavin’s case it would be no kneeling with a ring type of thing, because he personally sees no value of that.

Of course, he would if you told him that that’s what you want, but if you don’t…

It would be a beautiful, summer evening. The both of you watching a beautiful sunset from the rooftop of a high building.

Last months you spent together were absolutely wonderful. Life with you by his side was much happier than Gavin could ever dream of… And the way the golden sunlight graces your skin is so, so beautiful.

It wasn’t the first time the thought crossed the bird cop’s mind. He caught himself thinking about it more and more often as your relationship progressed… And before he knew it, the words left his lips.

At first you were sure you must have misheard, so you asked him to repeat. And he did.

His beautiful eyes glimmered with so much love… just as much as you felt for him. 

How could you say no to that gorgeous man that adores you so much?

And after that, expect to someday come back home to find the most beautiful and meaningful ring in the world waiting for you to wear it.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Gavin is a man who enjoys simple things in life.

He likes to cozy up with you on a couch on his birthday. 

Watch a sunrise and drink cocoa with you on Christmas.

He obviously enjoys various sports, especially if he can enjoy them with you.

But what really, really makes him perfectly calm? Driving Sparky with your hands around his ways and your chest pressed against his back.

The feeling of freedom mixed the warmth of your closeness… how could anyone ask for more?

[stuckybarton]

One Punch One Kiss

Summary: You find a different option to relieve your stress and the fact that you might just be in love with Bruce Banner. Warning: Profanities. Mild Violence. Slight Angst, Self-Depreciation.  Grammar Errors. Not Beta’d. Characters: Unnamed Female Character x Bruce Banner Words: 3,092 A/N: So this happened. Lol. Masterlist

It been well over months now since you've found yourself in care of the so-called Earth's Mightiest Heroes, The Avengers. It was far from the life you once lived.

The poverty of the slums, where fighting was always the way to survive another day. It was always survival of the fittest for someone like you. One of the many reasons why it took so long for you to intergrade with the team. Your "power" wasn't that much special compared to the rest of the bunch.

You were a mixed martial artist, finally getting out of the bottom of the barrel but a freak accident left your hands, your tool for survival, barely able close into a fist anymore--you can barely even open them back then too. You find yourself mixed with the wrong crowd and after one too many experiments, you've gain this so-called mutation that lets you punch anything effortlessly. But it doesn't come without a price.

When the adrenaline dies down, you are left with an indestructible fist, but the pain was never far behind. Hands that would last the rest of time, but the pain, the burning torturous pain was something you can never get used to. It was better to dip your hands in lava than the excruciating pain. The insistent throbbing on each finger made it hard for you to open your hands, as much as you were capable of opening them. There there are nights were you want nothing more than to end things, end your suffering once and for all.

But out comes one Bruce Banner.

A man that has known about the demons pestering your life. Having to fight his own every single day as he tries to control the big green monster he calls his other self.

He had helped you so much. From physically helping you maintain the pain you had to endure post-mission, helping Tony Stark with designing the perfect gloves that could potentially lessen the pain you had to experience after each mission. Then there was psychological and mental help.

You were never one for meditating. Always using your fist to forget about your problems as much as possible. But without that stress relief, you were left to Bruce's method.

One hour every single day. Whether it was Bruce having a big research or in the middle of a debriefing. They would take time out of their own schedules just for the one hour to bring semblance to their frail state of minds.

Somehow it does work.

In either your room or in Bruce's room. An hour long meditation with nothing but the sound of white noise brings a momentary peace in your mind, while also making you realize something you try so hard to ignore.

You were in love with Bruce.

Madly, deeply, and crazily enough to be in love with the first man to have every taken care of you. You're fucked, that much you have known for yourself since the realization had occurred.

Now you're left with making sure to make as many excuses as you possibly could to avoid Bruce and your daily meditation. Everyone in the compound knew what you were trying to do, but knowing you and knowing how the aloof Bruce Banner could be, they try to mediate the situation without getting themselves too involved.

"What's up, One-Punch Woman." Tony's usual nicknames annoyed you when you first started out, but as time goes by, you just find yourself getting used to it. You got to talk to Peter about letting Tony watch anime. He gets more material from those.

"Today's not the day to piss me off Tony." You muttered.

You had enjoyed the momentary peace inside the training room. With only the resounding echoes of your first against the punching bag, the rapid breathing escaping your lips, and the low hum of the air conditioner. This was your compromise for not joining Bruce with meditating.

"Come on, Rocky." Tony's hand resting on your shoulder angered you. You hated anyone, aside from Bruce, from touching you.

"Get your hands off, Stark."

Your fist continued to collide with the punching bag, but every single time Tony would try to intervene. Either trying to pull you away from the punching bag or pulling the punching bag away from you.

It took all the control out of you to stop yourself from using Tony as your punching bag instead. Every deep breath you took, the resolve was slowly fading away and your hands were now screaming at you to stop pain finally coming in full waves.

"Stark, I am warning you."

"I'd stop if you tell me why you're avoiding Dr. Banner. It's affecting his productivity if I'm being honest."

And that was the straw the finally broke the camel's back. Punching Stark right in the jaw, but his nano-tech was quick to protect him from punch, but the impact left him stuck right through the walls and everything was now on high alert as F.R.I.D.A.Y placed the training room on lockdown.

"I told you to stay the hell away from me, Stark." You spat, now thinking of a way to get the hell out of the training room without anyone, especially the particular man, coming to see that you were falling apart all because of your god damn feelings. "F.R.I.D.A.Y. open the doors." You demand but the AI refused only wanting Tony to give the command.

"The hell is wrong with you Y/N?"

Now coming face to face with an Iron Man suit of Tony, the last thing you would want was to ruin the reputation you have made with the team. The unproblematic one. The one that would rather keep to yourself than argue with anyone on the team.

"You! Get the hell away me." Your voice grew hoarse as the genuine anger begins to manifest.

One punch, that was all it would take to shut the hell out of the man and you could escape the confinements of the training room.

"Open the doors, Tony. I'm not really in the mood to deal with you and the rest of your fucked up group."

"Well, you're part of this group whether you like it or not. So doesn't that make you just as fucked up as we are?" Tony was actually pointing his beam at you and it made it more evident that you didn't belong here in this group as much as Bruce had assured you were.

There would always be this power dynamic that you will never escape from. May it be the slums, the laboratory, or this compound. You will be nothing more than a tool for them to use and to exploit.

"Stand down, Y/N. You're being hysterical."

That was when you finally snapped, running towards him, clenched fist swung but it never met his face, instead a green being came quick to block your hit.

"It's okay, Y/N." Hulk assured--or was it Bruce. You weren't certain anymore.

Eyes trained towards where you fist has landed. Landing right onto his ribs, had he been in his normal body, you were sure you've fracture a few ribs or worse, punctured his lungs or heart in the process.

When your eyes trailed upward, the gentle look on the Hulk's face scared you. Even he was worried about and everything you had been doing for the past few days as you avoided Bruce.

You didn't flinch when his larger hand tried cupping your cheeks, instead nestling more into his touch. You had it bad. But it was enough to calm you down for the moment. Bruce was your peace.

"Breath, Y/N."

Slowly, you see him turn back to his normal self. Never once did his hand leave your own. Both hands now cupping your cheeks as he stared at you.

"Can you do that for me?"

You nodded, never breaking eye contact. You breath, you tried you best to calm the heart you never noticed was beating to fast as you slowed your breathing.

"You got me..."

Indeed you do. He was here, even after the days you've tried ignoring him, avoiding him, and downright pushing him away. You still got him.

"That's all that matters..."

You nod, eyes now stinging with the unshed tears. You were afraid of losing him. You feeling for him that presented itself to you now, you didn't want to lose it. You couldn't depend on anyone else in this compound but him. Your only sanctuary in your state of mind. Your Survival of the Fittest mentality scrambling at this man that would give you the world even if you so much as ask it from him.

The Strongest Avenger, but was the most vulnerable in your presence.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. open the door." Bruce requested as he pulled you to his chest.

With the AI following, you caught glimpse of the mess the Hulk had made through the wall just to get it. Wincing at what Tony would have them to just to pay for the damage of it.

Their journey has been silent. The only sound you could hear, or at least tried to focus on was his heart. The rhythmic calm beats against your ear made you focus on your own breathing until you arrived in his room.

Bare as Bruce's room was, it brought you a calmness of the familiarity it had with you. Not much decorations aside from the diplomas and achievements, one picture still stuck out the most to you in his array of achievements. It was a picture of you and Bruce. It was post-mission in the Quintjet, one bud on each of your ear and you still remembered the two of you were listening to Lofi music at the time. What made the picture so memorable was the sight of the two of you grinning ear to ear while icing your aching hand after going head to head with a colossus from who-knows what planet.

You still remember why the two of your were smiling. There was a bet between Tony and Rhodey that you wouldn't be able to take on the giant and had waged a hundred dollars each because they were just that confident. Yet a minute later, you've just punched the alien once before it run as far away from you as possible. Being owed two hundred dollar and just the bragging right you were having had a smile on your face and Bruce was quick to join along in the merriment of the moment.

"What's wrong, Y/N?"

Returning back to the present, the worry in Bruce's face was still evident but you pulled away, cheeks warm at the realization that the man had been shirtless this entire time and you were leaning on his chest all throughout.

"Nothing." You muttered, now unable to meet his eyes now.

"The hole you've punched Tony into isn't much of a nothing." His words, as agitated as you knew he was being at the moment, was calm.

"Tony is just being annoying." You tried to reason. "He was getting on my nerves and deserves it." You added knowing very well that if it wasn't for Bruce, Tony would more than likely be enduring a concussion or even brain damage at this point.

Just the thought of that happening brought a knot right into your throat making you incapable of swallowing. Had it not been for Bruce, you were sure you would need to pack your backs yet again and leave the compound. God know what the rest of the team would think of you if that happened, or what what they would do to you as retaliation.

"But it's not just because of that." It was as if Bruce can read your thoughts. All he wants now is just confirmation.

"It has nothing to do with you." Lie.

"Then what is it? You've been acting weird for the last few days. You're blowing me off and using every excuse in the book to get away from our meditation and away from me. So this definitely has something to do with me."

You didn't have an answer to him. Fear overcame telling him the truth, making him understand your worries.

"Just say it. Say that the other guy is scaring you and be done with it."

You blinked confused with what he was saying.

"That's not it." You assured, finding the right words was hard.

"THEN WHAT?" As the green tint quickly appeared on his skin just as quick as it disappeared, your adrenaline was still high from the incident in the training room, fist already already ready to defend yourself if he loses control.

Never once did you raise you hand at Bruce. Never once did you face with in your attack stance. But never once did Bruce raise his voice at you. This was affecting him just as much as it did you.

"I'm a monster, Y/N. I know that more than anyone else. All you had to do was say so and be done with it."

"You're not a monster, Bruce. You never were in my eyes."

"Yeah, avoiding me makes it so convincing." he snorts turning his back at you, a shirt already in his grasp. "Just say it, Y/N. I can take it. I'm not a child anymore that can't handle the truth."

Biting your lips, this was worse than you have actually anticipated. You watched Bruce ramble on and on about why he was a monster and why you have every right to avoid him. But that wasn't what truly had you speechless. It was this, this man that was aloof as he was had done nothing but bare his heart of to you. Show he was just pained as you were with this situation you've placed yourself in--placed the two of you in.

Was it still the adrenaline or your stupidity, you really didn't know as you surged towards him, lips mashing against his own. His lips was soft against your own. The taste of coffee and hint of mint. And just like that, the words in Bruce's mouth stopped and he was left just as stunned as your were for what you've done.

"I, I don't--I...I don't hate you, Bruce." you stutter, eyes refusing to meet his own yet again. "It's opposite really."

"Say it, Y/N."

"I love you, Banner." You muttered finally looking at him. "I love you and I know for a fact that you wouldn't want to be seen anywhere near me."

"What?"

"You're you. Smart, Got a good sense of humour. You care about me more than my parents ever did. You're the first person here in the compound that treated me more like a human instead of this asset or experiment."

It was now your turn to ramble on about why you don't deserve him. You knew very well why and whatever reason that would try to oppose those beliefs were quick to be stomped away. That was how your mind works, you don't deserve things, you work hard for anything and everything.

"Y/N close your eyes."

You blinked at  the sudden request, but the smile that now rested on Bruce's face assured you slightly. But knowing him, knowing he would be the last person to hurt you, your eyes finally closed.

In the darkness, you tried to calm you mind. As much as your trusted Bruce, the unknown scared you, the reason behind this situation worried you. to be this vulnerable in front of him, to be this defenceless.

The last thing you would have expected to happen was his lips against you own. Breathless, you open your eyes to see Bruce's own closed as the kiss continued. The gentle hands that had calmed you down in the training room were once again there to calm you don't. Gently you find yourself pulling more into the kiss, aching hands rested on his chest. The calm heart now coming alive against your fingertips.

Pulling away, Bruce opened his eyes, breathless just as you were and the uncertainty of just what happened finally becoming more an more evident. It was just how you would accept it at this point.

"Hope that's clear enough for you." Bruce muttered, now his own eyes refusing to meet your own. "Why you think so low of yourself? You're part of this team because you value civilian's safety more than our safety, more than your own safety that it's sometimes so annoying because I worry about you and your lack of safety."

You blinked, how the hell did this happen. One minute you were both self-deprecating yourselves, then the next minute it was lips and cheesy lines of admiration for one another.

"I'm not perfect. Far from it, but just seeing you avoid me. It makes it so hard for me to ignore my own thoughts. Maybe they were right." Bruce shrugged.

You shook your head, as much as you knew he wouldn't see. He really didn't know his worth, the irony that you yourself couldn't do the same. The smile just couldn't help but finally escape your lips before you head find solitude in his chest. The sound of his beating heart could do nothing but give you a calmness you didn't think you would need in your life.

"Can we start over." You whispered, the dysfunction that was the two of you wasn't ideal and you knew whatever this might end up becoming, it wouldn't be easy. Nothing was ever easy when it comes to the life they were living. But you knew you could make it work.

"What?"

Pulling away from him. You gentle punched his cheek seeing his lack of effort to block it. He knew just as much as you did that you will never hurt him intentionally.

"My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I love you, Dr. Bruce Robert Banner."

Shaking the man's shaking hand, you smiled as his hands held onto your own tighter and accepting the shake of hand.

"Nice meeting you, Y/N." he started, voice shaky. "My name is Bruce Banner, and I love you too."

With the smile only growing you both of your faces, you leaned once again for a kiss. Things will be alright between the two of you. A few bumps in the road would be a certainty. But you'll work on it. You both will.

"Who do you think Tony would start hounding first about the trashed Training room?" You asked after a second of silence between them.

"My guess is me. Might take a while to live down what just happened."

[unohanadaydreams]

I was working on requests but then I was like y’know what I should do? Flesh out and write down my Mayuri headcanons because I can not bear the weight of this obsession alone.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi Origin Headcanons (incomplete but long)

features: uuuuh not overly disturbing. One instance of suicide, experimentation on a fetus.

The woman who raised him was elegant, ambitious, and dutiful. But she was not a mother. The care she gave Mayuri was toward his talent for sewing—he had an eye for detail and a competitive nature that compelled her to pinch his cheek and smile at his handiwork. Always, she smiled at the fabric. Never at him.

When he was very young, they worked for the local theaters. His mother—she told him over and over she wasn’t his mother, but Mayuri wanted her to be so badly that, in the secret of his mind, he called her that—was sought after enough to be choosy. They followed the actors before pay. She taught him that money was fleeting, but talent was everlasting.

She gave him books on educational odds and ends. Some were not to keep, on loan from someone who owed her a favor. Others were his, taken from those steeped in debt but unwilling to strip his mother’s wonderful kimono from their back. His favorite were of the natural sciences. He so wanted to keep a book on Reishi that he tossed it in the fire pit when his mother demanded it back, not wanting anyone to have it if he couldn’t have his way. She smacked his head against the wall until he bled.

His mother loved to be obeyed. Conditions were what she valued over coin. It was as close to power as could be gotten by someone with so little to begin with. She watched rehearsals, was ‘gifted’ favored seats, and was given a voice when it came time to pick the next play.

He was urged to nurture his curiosity; it would suit him when his mother sent him off to be a soul reaper. She always said she would, even when his entire face became a wrinkle at the thought of fighting on and on for nothing he cared about. At least the actors had grace, built up by makeup, masks, and finery.

Mayuri wasn’t fond of the actors as a rule. Their egos and posturing annoyed him. In opposition, his mother’s eyes followed them endlessly. The exceptions to his ire tended to moonlight as jesters; they came and bid him ask his mother to dye their kimonos or to copy the latest en vogue brocade—but better. That was her specialty—brocades.

He was often bored and lonesome, so when the actors spoke to him, he spoke back despite the cool facade he gave them when with his mother, which was often. The room in which he wove and dyed fabric was often filled with his chatter, to himself. But silent when his mother was there, which was often.

Mayuri pushed limits like all children do, but with himself. How far could he poke a needle into his skin before it became unbearable? If he sewed an eye shut, would it fuse together? His mother seemed very occupied and payed him little attention, until she noticed that his eye was, indeed, fusing shut.

She had a real son by an actor most beloved for his roles as heroines and not long after they were called for by a 1st rukongai theater, where the actor could not follow. His mother accepted, gave her conditions, and stayed for a few last shows. Playing a woman determined to follow her lover in death, he gave a long, wailing speech and did not get back up after twisting the knife to his gut. His mother smiled, looking satisfied that he had done it as the audience leapt from the pits to crowd the dying body.

Thereafter, he seemed to leave his mother’s side for good. Even if his little brother was too young to weave and was bland to everyone including Mayuri, he had an eye for color. His mother wove, aided his brother with dyeing fabric, and told Mayuri it was time for him to do more. “You think it’s only fighting, but my sister became a soul reaper. And now she lives in the clouds, doing as she pleases. No-no, not dead. Just dead to me.”

Mayuri left for the academy before he could watch a 1st rukongai production, his spiritual pressure growing well under instruction. But he hated the large emphasis on battle. Strategy interested him, but his questions soured many teacher’s attitudes toward him.

So used to his hands always being at work at weaving, Mayuri began to tinker on things during class simply to help him think. He sat in the back as a thin courtesy, but was known to dissect animals during lectures. His row was often empty but for himself.

Reishi, again, became a large focal point for him and Mayuri had more than a single book at his disposal. Texts both aged and modern were poured through with hunger. If all living things contain Reishi, then could some form of reishi revive the dead? Could life be made of reishi not through natural processes? Could the essence of the soul exist if pried from the shell, would there be enough reishi to support that?

He understood the concern behind the meetings meant to discourage his questions and lines of study, but he resented them all and burned his theories for show, every wondering word fresh in his mind. His logic was sound, his questions legitimate, and his ability up to the task. How could a soul reaper do as they please in such an environment?

Mayuri went to his mother when he neared graduation, pausing his education, years having past with much frustration, at her call. She sought opportunities for him, now that she served nobles, and he hurried back at the illusion of freedom.

His brother still wore an expression as blank as unmarked paper, but he hugged Mayuri round the legs whenever he entered the room. His mother scolded him for it.

It was here that he once again turned his wondering in on himself. Skin opened and tested for the conditions that would allow regeneration. Could healing Kido be broken down into a liquid or pill? Was there an alternative to healing Kido? With few tools or funding, Mayuri found his conclusions compromised. His skin became scarred, but healed well enough under his skilled needlework to cause no harm.

Not that Mayuri was afraid of harm. It hurt immensely to experiment on himself, but he was greater than the academy would let him be and beneath the pain would be the glory of discovery. At times, he had his little brother do what he could physically not. It worked well—though young, his brother seemed largely unaffected and his needlework had improved enough that Mayuri did not scold him about it. Which was praise enough.

While serving the Shihōin family, his mother made sly introductions to several of the clansmen and one who was not. A soul reaper named Kisuke Urahara, a dear friend of the Shihōin princess , who seemed impressed with Mayuri’s work, but only enough to praise it. He was two faced and annoying and worst of all brilliant. Mayuri wanted the praise he got as much as he hated the man. He was too touchy, always patting his back or hair or shoulder.

Urahara’s words gave confidence to the clansmen, who worked out arrangements with his mother. Instead of paying in full for expensive kimonos and debt-inducing brocade, Mayuri would have funding and permissions. It was all unofficial, under the table, and unknown the clan head. The only ones on the line were he and his mother and Mayuri knew that meant he would take the blame, alone, if relations soured.

The work the two nobles loved best in the beginning were that of regeneration, which suited Mayuri enough since they also gave him freedom to do more. He, too, wished to complete his work in that area. It was, once again, when he wandered back into questions of artificial life—the limits of reishi and the ways to change reishi to break those limits—that he was warned by Urahara. “Any good mind wonders about life and death, Mayuri. But you’re not cute enough to break the rules! Maybe if you looked like your mom ❤️ Instead of an angry burlap dolly~! Good thing you’re a little genius in the making, huh?”

Begrudgingly, Mayuri took the condescending advice and kept his work that did not suit the nobles at a minimum and extremely private. His notes were few, coded, and progressing badly without workable experimentation. What the nobles wanted were likewise becoming more petty; looking to outdo the humans on this or best another clan on that. Unbearable, demeaning work considering the fewer freedoms they gave him—the funding was running out.

He became more restless. More reckless. The Shihōin family and his mother parted ways. Mayuri’s freedoms were gone. He stuck holes in his little brother’s forehead until his face was covered in blood. Made horns. Tore off his own ears. Made better ones. Dug out his own fingernails. Tried to carve himself into something better—someone above these circumstances. His mother sewed his skin shut wordlessly one night, the one he’d rid himself of his ears, and pinched his cheek like he was a toddler again.

So too did his approach to his appearance change. Like the actors and jesters of his earliest memories, he painted his skin white. Covered his eyes in a strip of black. Set his blue hair stiff and neat like a wig. Unique to him were the metal improvements that replaced his ears.

His little brother began to follow him everywhere after he was given horns, his mother once again occupied. One day, they found their mother dead together, murdered body tangled in a weaving loom.

Mad, for sure, Mayuri took her body to his lab, determined to find out as much as he could before discovered. His mother was unsalvageable, but the fetus within her could be something extraordinary. A third sibling. A first sister. A wonderful dream. Someone to take his mother’s place, but better. Always better—always striving to be more than before.

The data was invaluable even if it was coated in failure. Not that he had truly expected to breath life on the first try, but he had wished to not be caught. The Shihōin were famed for their leadership of the secret police, though, and caught he was. Even his most ingenious traps could not stop an entire force.

Unlawful tampering of a soul, theft of Shihōin funds and equipment, unlawful creation, and the murder of secret police, mother, and unborn sister. He was sentenced to the maggot’s nest, no access to anything but a cell. Too valuable of mind to be die, but too dangerous to be free.

Too valuable of mind to die. He always knew he was. It was nice to hear it, though.

[treksickfic]

The City on the Edge of Forever

I’m so excited to share this with you, anonymous requester! After you sent in your prompt, I had another anonymous reader get in touch with me to let me know they’d already written a story that matched your wishes exactly. 

The author of this story is French, not a native English speaker, and they’ve written a beautifully touching story that expands on the TOS episode, City on the Edge of Forever.  I am posting it here on my blog, with their permission, because they do not wish to have an account nor have their identity attached to the story. This writer has already become dear to me and I’m honored that they trusted me with their writing. I hope you enjoy it!

It’s a long story, nearly 3,000 words, so RIP to your dash if you’re on mobile.  I didn’t want to post it on AO3 or anywhere else except my blog, which feels safer.

Trigger warning for panic attack and trigger warning for some mild emeto, if you’re sensitive to that. It’s not very graphic.

“James Kirk, I demand an explanation!”

Scotty, Uhura, the teleportation technicians, and the security guards were completely dumbfounded by the doctor's explosion. They watched the captain stagger off, livid, as if he had been punched in the stomach. He disappeared without a word, with long stiff steps, from the room.

“Jim!” yelled McCoy.

 “Not now, doctor.” Spock's cold, dry voice stopped him.

Spock squeezed McCoy’s arm firmly and Scott was sure to read in his black eyes a burst of fury. McCoy noticed it too, because despite the storm of his own eyes, he remained silent.

“Everyone, at your posts,” declared the Vulcan. “Scott, you are in charge for now.”

“Yes, sir.” Scotty nodded, refraining from asking any questions.

As soon as they had come through the Time Gate, seconds after they left, it seemed, but many weeks later for them, he had seen that they were not fine at all. The captain was pale, deaf to their questions, obviously struggling with the tears that filled his eyes. The doctor was just as white, his face contracted with a terrible anger. As for Spock, he kept his eyes fixed on Jim, his usual indifference altered by deep and obvious concern.

What the hell had happened?

This is precisely the question McCoy yelled at Spock, pulling himself brutally out of his grip as they entered his office, safe from prying ears:

“Damn it, Spock!”

 “If you calm down, doctor, maybe I could explain.”

 “Calm down? CALM DOWN? Shit, Spock! How do you want me to calm down?”

 “Breathing. Deep, and slowly. Start by sitting down.”

 “Don't fuck with me!”

 “The Vulcans don't fuck with people. Now, please calm down.”

 Jim killed someone without thought. There's no way I can calm down. Shit!”

Spock gritted his teeth and an aura of icy disappointment emanated from him:

“Jim killed someone without thought...do you get along, doctor? You've been aboard this ship for over a year. You even pretend to be the captain's friend. How can you accuse him of this without thinking for two seconds?”

 “I saw it ! He prevented me from—"

“--and your poor little mind preferred to give in to this abject emotion rather than try to find a logical explanation. Jim, the most compassionate man we know…would he have acted like this for no reason?”

These words had the effect of a cold shower on McCoy. He shook his head, gradually coming to himself. He hadn't actually thought for a single moment, mired in a nauseating fury that he hadn't even tried to control. Shame replaced anger and he sagged in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment.

The past few weeks had been a total blur. He had woken up in a room with antique furniture, with an adorable woman at his bedside: Edith Keeler. It had taken him some time to realize that she was neither a hallucination nor a very good actress, but that he was indeed in a different era. Back in the 1930s. And he had barely had time to figure it out and come out of the bedroom to find answers before Jim and Spock, overjoyed, fell on him.

The next second Edith was dead. And it was Kirk's fault., He had kept him from coming to her aid. It had been too much emotion, too quickly and too soon. He had not managed to digest it, even less to understand anything other than what he had seen:

Jim had killed Edith.

But now that Spock had brought him back to reality, it all seemed absurd. And he noticed certain details: His friend's trembling when he held him; the tears in his green eyes when he leaned against the wall; Spock's unusually soft words when he had defended Jim, "he knows doctor, he knows."

How could he have seen nothing? Holding back a moan, he confronted Spock's stern face again:

“Explain it to me.”

“I'll do it quickly. In the timeline of our current story, Edith Keeler dies in 1930. In the one you walked through, paranoid after the cordrazine syringe accident, her ideals of peace and openness reach Roosevelt's ears and America becomes a peaceful country. That prevents its involvement in the second world war. Germany wins and dominates the world. Our time, therefore, does not exist.”

“Oh.”

“By the time you got there, after roughly locating your destination, we got to know Edith. A very charming woman, particularly intelligent.”

“And, Jim—"

“Was deeply in love with her. But for the good of a whole world and not solely himself, he let her die and prevented you from committing irreparable damage.”

“My god.”

McCoy put his head in his hands, overcome with excruciating guilt. Spock watched him, suppressing the harsh words that itched on his lips. The man had realized his mistake. It was useless to add more in the current state. He sighed for a long time, feeling unpleasantly empathetic towards Jim. He admired the way the man had managed to silence all of his instincts to save everyone:

“You should go see him, doctor. I think leaving him alone right now is not the best solution. Especially since he slept and ate very little while we were on earth, and even less after he realized that Edith had to die. He was ill several times during the night. He needs help.”

“Perhaps it is better ... Chapel—”

“No, Leonard,” Spock said, as kindly as he could. “He needs you.”

McCoy let out a deep sigh. He felt silly, and unforgivable. But for the sake of his friend, and indirectly, the sake of the crew, he knew Spock was right. Grabbing his medical equipment, he left in the direction of the captain's quarters.

 *****

Jim rested his forehead against the cool edge of the toilet. The doctor's words were circling in his mind, adding further weight to his overwhelming grief. He felt sick, his stomach as tight as his chest. A discomfort that had become familiar over the past few days. The intense nausea that rolled and rolled, threatening at every moment to overflow was a most unpleasant physical manifestation of his stress.

Despite his efforts to conserve food that was already scarce in their daily life in 1930, there were times when he couldn't do anything about it. Nightmares woke him in an agonizing sweat, on the verge of ruining the atrocious coarse cover of their flop.

He managed each time to sneak into the bathroom before returning the meager pittance with spasms he tried to silence. He also appreciated the discretion of Spock, who had the delicacy of pretending to sleep when Jim returned to his bed several minutes later, breathless and exhausted. But now that he was alone, aboard the Enterprise, he had no reason to contain himself, and did not fight the gagging that came out violently, like revenge for being held back so long. His stomach, however empty, kept revolting, replacing his sobs with endless contractions.

He had barely activated the door to his quarters when they had started, and he had yielded to the spasms with some relief. As unpleasant as vomiting was, his whole body tense and sore as he curled up over the toilet, at least it kept him from thinking about it. Being sick kept his mind on constant alert, focusing his attention on the spasms, gasps, bile, burning and kept the fear away. Unbearable, interminable, but ... secondary.

He coughed cautiously, catching his breath, feeling even sicker from the pungent smell that hung around him…the smell as horrible as the way he felt. This place of suffering and abandonment suited him.

He leaned over awkwardly when the bile passed his throat for the umpteenth time and spilled out in a long convulsion. He grabbed his stomach and closed his eyes so he couldn’t see the mess coloring the water again. The dizziness began to build, the light becoming unbearable as a migraine took hold of his temples, seeping through to his sinuses. He shivered, trying to reach for the chase to vent some of his weakness, when a hand rested on his forehead. Incredibly cool, it brought such comfort that he could not suppress a fragile sigh.

Tenderly the hand placed a damp cloth on the back of his neck and then finally came to cover his eyes. There was the terribly aggressive sound of the toilet flushing, then a voice whispering for the light to drop to 20%.

That voice ...

His comfort immediately ceased, replaced by anguish. He coughed sharply, spitting out more bile in an effort to shake off the impending grief. He could do nothing against the intense tremors that made him gasp, nor the panicked sob that burst through the vomiting.

“Shhh, Jim.” The voice was a broken whisper. “Shhh, everything is fine.”

Kirk wanted to yell at him to go away, to leave him, not to hurt him anymore. Irrationally afraid of the anger that had rained over him earlier at the prospect of having to face reality. Instead he could only moan, shaken by a horrible, nauseating cough.

Feeling Jim shake and panic under his fingers, McCoy was crushed by an intense wave of guilt. He had seen Jim gripped with grief, stress, drunkenness, anger... but never so completely. It was the first time he seemed ... broken ... and it was largely his fault.

The abnormal heat radiating from his skin indicated a high fever and explained his lack of self control. McCoy took a syringe out of his bag and spoke in a very soft voice so as not to hurt his friend's headaches.

“Jim, I'm going to inject you with a painkiller, it'll help you relax.”

He had no other answer than a small hiccup and a burst of bile.

Nervous vomiting, McCoy noticed. It was serious. He was going to have to play it safe to get the captain to calm down enough to free himself from his sadness and he hoped the hypo would act quickly. He thrust the syringe into his biceps and took advantage of the slight respite that followed to quickly run the medical tricorder over Jim’s upper body.

The latter told him what he already knew: extreme stress, high fever, deficiencies in iron and magnesium, low blood pressure...nothing to indicate a gastric bug apart from weakness due to deficiencies, which reinforced his theory of psychogenic nausea.

McCoy was relieved to find that the sedative had done its work: Jim was shaking less and seemed more lucid.

“Bones...what--?”

Bones. So he didn't blame him. This man's empathy would kill him eventually, the doctor thought. He put a protective arm around the Jim’s shoulders and another under his chest to support him. He could feel the angry stomach muscles that continued to struggle and tighten. He gave a sad little smile.

“We are going to talk about all this. But first, we are going to get out of this horrible room. You need to lie down.”

“Um, that's not safe,” Jim grimaced with a little hiccup.

“I'll take a bucket, but I want you to lie down. Doctor's orders.���

 “If it's an o-order,” he stammered, in a slight attempt at humor.

Jim allowed himself to be helped without opening his eyes, too ill to protest, and too weak to fend for himself. Bones almost carried him to his bed.

Once lying down, McCoy carefully removed Jim’s boots and socks, pulled up a wonderfully warm blanket and put a cloth on his forehead. Then Jim heard the familiar whirr of the tricorder passing once more over his body and finally the sound of several mixes. Careful fingers rested on his right temple.

“Can you open your eyes?”

“Urgh, Bones, I'll throw up if I open them.”

“There is a bucket, don't hold back. I need you to look at me.”

Jim groaned but obeyed. The light, even though very dim, made him moan in pain. It penetrated his head like a blade and triggered, as announced, a violent nausea.

McCoy held him very gently as he threw up a thin trickle of bilious saliva. He fell completely exhausted on the pillow once the attack was over. The doctor muttered something unintelligible and wiped his face.

“I should send you to the infirmary, Jim. You have serious deficiencies and that added to the stress...this is a perfect combination for a migraine in due form. I'll put you on an IV to regulate your sugar levels and give you a strong pain reliever. It should help you feel better.”

Once everything was in place, a tactical, hesitant silence settled between them. Jim could feel his presence, sitting on the edge of the bed rather than a chair, and the warm, warm hand pressed to his shoulder. The exhaustion and sadness rose in power now that the disease could no longer build its walls around his mind. He saw Edith again. Edith and her sweetness, her love, her joy, her magnificent ideas.

"She's fair ... but not at the right time," Spock had said, trying to make her listen to reason when he...he told her that she had to...die. He had desperately looked for another way but...but—

He clenched his teeth, overtaken by the intensity of the pain. By the gesture. He had even been unable to look at her body. He had not turned around, refusing to see what he had just done, struck head-on by the horror and disgust emanating from the doctor.

He swallowed, feeling the tremors start again, the despair skyrocketing. McCoy, hearing the gasps in his friend's tight breath, tightened his grip on his shoulder.

“I ... I loved her...Bones—"

A tear gathered in the corner of his eye and he sniffled, trying to pull himself together:

“Jim,” McCoy whispered, his own emotions rising. “I ... I don't even know how to apologize.”

“You have nothing to excuse. You are right. I ... killed her.”

“No. You saved our world. You did what you had to.”

“Oh, you spoke to Spock,” Jim whispered with a bitter smile.

“Yes.”

Despite the darkness, McCoy could see the paleness growing and the captain's face tightening with the effort to hold back the sobs. He searched for a moment for words he could say to alleviate the pain. Not finding them, he shook his head.

Jim tried to speak, with difficulty. “I shouldn't—”

“You have the right to be sad. You just lost the one you love in an act of unimaginable courage. Jim, I'm an overly impulsive old fool, I can't even imagine what you've been through and I sincerely ask forgiveness for this unjustified anger.”

“Please, Bones—"

“No, let me finish. Thank you for your understanding, but you don't have to. I acted like an idiot.”

“You couldn't have known.”

“That's no excuse. I know you and should have taken a step back.”

“What is done is done.”

“Jim, what I'm trying to say is that you must not let my emotionally spoken words get to you. You didn't deserve it.”

“I...I searched and searched...and searched again. I couldn't get away from her even when I knew that—”

“You were in love.”

“No, Bones. I'm in love. A selfish person who regrets choices that he shouldn't regret.”

“You are human, and you are suffering. Let it go.”

Another tear rolled down, then another, and finally it was a torrent that poured into the pillow. The captain put a hand over his mouth to silence the gasps of despair and the overwhelming agony of loss. Bones gripped his shoulder, patting it in a comforting gesture. He watched Jim sob like a child, breathing laboriously through exhaustion and mourning. Then he gradually calmed down until he fell into a deep sleep.

The doctor sighed and wiped away his own tears that had started at the same time as his friend's, and that he had not tried to stop. He readjusted the IVs and scanned Jim’s body for the third time. His fever was still high from a mild viral infection after several weeks in the cold and fatigue undernourishment. Jim would be off for a few days and stay in bed.

When he left the room, the doctor was not surprised to find Spock standing and waiting with arched eyebrows.

“How is he?”

 “Exhausted and cold, but fine.”

 “Has he been able to express his sorrow?”

 “I guess, yes.” McCoy smiled, thinking of his friend's relaxed face as he left the room.

“And were you able to express yours?”

The doctor jumped slightly, not at all prepared for this question, much less for Spock to say it. He was sometimes pleasantly surprised by the well-hidden sensitivity of his Vulcan friend. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it.

“You are about to cry.”

“Damned be your insight, Mister Spock,” the doctor growled, a little annoyed.

“Humans all must cry at one time or another to get better, doctor. I do not understand why you put a manly bulwark in front of this natural mechanism.”

Bones laughed. “Wouldn't you find it embarrassing for me to break down in tears right now in your arms?”

He expected Spock to answer him, "Vulcans don't know the gene, doctor." Instead he replied, in his usual relaxed and serene tone, “If that makes you feel better, no.”

Such compassion was so strange that it almost seemed out of place. Leonard burst out into a frank laugh that turned without realizing it into a flood of tears. Tears of his own sadness this time, not empathy or guilt. Sadness he didn't think he had. Maybe he was also a little in love with Edith after all. And that the Vulcan understood it well before him.

Spock, moreover, did not pretend to leave, contenting himself to stay by his side until McCoy’s tears turned back into laughter.

“Why are you laughing?” the first officer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, Mister Spock, because I’m thinking of the absurd spectacle we would have made if someone had been there. The ship's doctor weeping like a baby in front of a motionless Vulcan and their captain's closed door.”

Spock coughed and McCoy would swear to anyone who wanted to hear it that he was blushing.

“Well, you're not a hopeless case,” he said with a smirk, patting him on the shoulder. “Thanks, Spock.”

Then he turned on his heel towards the infirmary without hearing the relieved sigh of his alien friend.

[peachyteez]

lost puppy ≫ DAY FOUR, CONFRONTATION

being abandoned by your owners is never fun. but yunho takes it as a chance to explore the world as his owners were never the kindest people. having wandered around jiyu’s condo, seonghwa discovers the lost puppy and said puppy is offered a second chance at a place to call home

PART OF THE HEAVEN SERIES.

✧ taglist: @defsoul15, @choisaniskillingme, @joongiebug, @sunsethw4, @t-tbinnie, @danibookmarks, @chanyeolol, @hello-its-ya-boi, @murralyn, @alienmashup, @panini, @moon8894, @taetae123094, @luv3rxcha

can’t be tagged: @koasworld

feel free to let me know if you would like to be added to the list! :)

✧ notes: things get a lil intense, oops. she might me a lil lengthy hehe.

✧ WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, whip marks, and blood, indirect mentions of sexual activities, degrading names (mutt, bitch)

back。| next。

"jiyu, it’s eight in the morning on a saturday, why are you up so early?” seonghwa asked as he padded out to the kitchen in his pajamas. he rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes as he took a seat on the stood next to jiyu’s at the kitchen island. 

"i’m just trying to see how i can legally remove yunho from his current home,” she yawned. “he may have ran away, but his owners technically still have custody of him.”

the two were engulfed in silence. the only sounds that could be heard was jiyu typing on her laptop. “is that who you were giving the food to?” jiyu suddenly asked.

seonghwa’s eyes widened. “how did you know i gave him food?” he asked. he doesn’t remember ever mentioning about it too jiyu.

“ms. kim saw you a few days ago going out with a bag of food,” jiyu chuckled. “don’t worry, i was just curious. i knew something was on your mind for the past few days, but i didn’t want you to feel entitled to have to tell me everything so...”

seonghwa thoughtfully nodded. “he was hanging around the dumpster alley,” he revealed, making jiyu slightly gasp.

“poor thing, i wonder how long he’s been there,” she mumbled as she continued reading up. she bit her lip as she read. “is he still asleep?” she asked, looking up to seonghwa, who softly nodded in response.

she pursed her lips in thought as she closed her laptop. “i guess we can take him shopping for a few pairs of clothes later today,” she thought aloud. suddenly, she remembered a question seonghwa had asked her a few days ago. would you be okay with another one? was he talking about yunho?

“hey, hwa,” she called out to the hybrid next to her. “were you talking about yunho when you asked me about another hybrid the other day?” she asked.

seonghwa bit the inside of his cheek before meekly nodding. jiyu softly smiled. “i don't mind,” she said, making seonghwa snap his head towards her out of surprise.

“really?” he thought he heard her wrong.

jiyu nodded. “my only concern now is that this apartment might be too cramped for the three of us,” she chuckled. “i think the previous owner moved out of the penthouse last month, and as far as i know, no one moved in yet,” she recalled. “if anything we can just move there if i can get custody of yunho.”

seonghwa’s tail excitedly started wagging as he smushed jiyu into a hug. “i have another friend now!” he cheered as he rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. a smile was spread across his face.

she chuckled as she reached up and scratched his head. “come on, let’s go get yunho so we can get breakfast and shop around, yeah?”

half an hour and five failed attempts later, the three were all ready to go out. yunho had to borrow seonghwa’s clothes again, although he protested and said he could wear his own. jiyu insisted since his old clothes had some holes and rips from his life on the streets.

“okay, let’s go get coffee then we can shop around for some clothes for yunho. sounds good?” she asked the two hybrids in the backseat. 

yunho cocked his head in confusion. “why would i need clothes? i thought you said i can borrow seonghwa’s clothes.”

drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, she turned around in her seat to face the two. “yunho, how about you live with us once if i can remove you from your owners’ custody?” she offered. 

yunho blanked out, thinking he was daydreaming. “pardon?”

jiyu softly smiled. “you and seonghwa already seem to have grown attached to each other. plus, i don’t feel right sending you to a shelter after all this is over,” she explained. “we’re not forcing you, it’s just a suggestion so don’t feel pressured to accept. we’ll understand if you turn down the offer,” she said before starting the car. “but you’ll still need some clothes just in case.”

yunho stared out the car window throughout the whole wide to the cafe. him? living with jiyu and seonghwa? can he really do that? can he really risk it to try and live with another owner again? endless thoughts floated around his mind. he was so deep in thought, he didn’t realize that jiyu left the two in the car as she went in to get her coffee. 

seonghwa waved a hand in front of yunho’s face. “earth to yunho,” he called out. 

yunho snapped out of his thoughts as he looked around. he sheepishly chuckled. “sorry, i was just thinking...”

“about our offer?” seonghwa asked.

yunho slowly nodded. seonghwa understood his hesitance. after living with abusive owners for who knew how long, he knew yunho’s reservations and hesitance about living with another human. heck, he had the same thoughts while in the recovery center. 

“she’s different,” seonghwa mumbled as he peered into the coffee shop at jiyu. “did you know she saved me from being put down?”

yunho’s eyes slightly widened in surprise at the revelation. seonghwa humorously laughed. “to be honest, i was like you about a year ago. ran away from my...owners and became a stray until stray patrol found me and handed me over to the recovery center.” seonghwa didn’t know what compelled him to share his life story with the golden retriever, but he thought he could offer him solace if he revealed how similar the two were. “my old owners weren’t the best people either. they used me like a toy for their pleasures and whenever i tried fighting back, they returned the fight twice as hard.”

seonghwa craned his neck and slipped his collar down a little to show yunho the damage. yunho gasped. he noticed a maze of whip marks on the wolf’s neck that snaked down farther down his back. seonghwa sighed as he continued. “sometimes i’d even be stuck laying in their basement bleeding out. if they felt nice, they'd send someone to patch me up. other days...i did it myself.”

yunho went silent. it was at that moment he realized that they were, indeed, more similar than he had thought. the only difference was that seonghwa received the help he needed, whilst he was still wandering around with no destination. 

“that’s why when i say she’s trustworthy, she really is.”

at that moment, jiyu came back. “sorry guys! the wait took a little longer than expected, but i got you guys drinks, too,” she said before handing them each two cartons of banana and strawberry milk. 

seonghwa’s eyes sparkled and his ears twitched in happiness at the drinks, while yunho stared at the drinks as if they were treasure. “thank you...” he gratefully said before glancing at seonghwa, who was happily sipping from his carton. he seemed so different. no one would’ve ever thought that he went through years of both physical and mental abuse from the smile on his face at that moment. maybe there’s a chance for me, too?

half an hour later, they came to a little shopping mall in the middle of the city. yunho’s eyes sparkled with fascination as they walked through the various stores. he sometimes was so distracted that seonghwa would have to come back and drag yunho with him so he wouldn’t get lost. jiyu chuckled. he looks exactly like seonghwa. she noted.

despite yunho’s protests again, jiyu and seonghwa eventually convinced him to pick out outfits. yunho’s eyes bulged out when he read the price, but jiyu insisted it was alright and he was free to chose whatever he wanted. seonghwa and jiyu waited while the golden retriever went to try on the clothes. pursing her lips, jiyu realized that they would really have to find a larger place if she wanted to house both seonghwa and yunho. 

“excuse me.”

turning around and snapping out of her thoughts, jiyu noticed a man and woman standing behind her and seonghwa. they seemed to be a little older than jiyu, maybe late twenties. despite them dressing casually like a normal person, jiyu could recognize wealthy people from a mile away—their haughty aura and tone gave them away pretty quick, not to mention how they both sported gucci watches. 

she plastered a fake smile on her face. she's dealt with plenty of condescending ceo’s and their wives during company parties. “hello, may i help you?”

the woman gave her a sickly sweet smile. “we couldn't help but notice a golden-retriever hybrid you had with you a while ago.” jiyu tensed. yunho.

“does this look okay—”

coming back from the dressing room, yunho froze when he noticed the man and woman talking to jiyu. all color drained from his face, giving jiyu the confirmation she needed. they were his owners. 

the man plastered on a fake smile as he walked past jiyu and seonghwa towards the trembling giant puppy. “there you are yunho! did you know how worried we were about you?” he asked, his eyes glaring at yunho despite his friendly tone. he reached out towards yunho. “say thank you to the young lady and let’s go—”

jiyu lunged forward and smacked the man’s hand away before he could grab yunho. she protectively stood in front of yunho and coldly glared at the couple. seonghwa and yunho’s eyes widened at her actions. “don’t touch him,” she warned.

the man scoffed and glared down at jiyu. “he’s our hybrid and we have the right to take him back home with us. so unless you want legal actions against you, then hand him over right now.”

yunho winced whilst seonghwa started growling at the couple. the woman stared back at seonghwa with disgust. “and learn to train your hybrid better! don’t you know any manners?” she taunted jiyu.

by this point, they were already attracting a crowd. 

jiyu humorlously laughed. “you’re one to tell me about manners, miss. you can’t even treat your own hybrid with care and respect,” she retorted. 

the man grew red with anger. “young lady, unless you want a lawsuit against you for theft of property, then hand him over. we have witnesses, you know,” he smirked, gesturing to the crowd around them. 

jiyu clenched her hands into fists as she felt her angle almost burst at the seams. theft of property? they really view him as an object?! glancing at the people around them, she noticed them whispering amongst themselves while some were recording the whole scene.

the woman rolled her eyes as she gestured to yunho. “yunho, darling, come to us. now.” her tone was hard and demanding. yunho hesitated, glancing at the younger girl in front of him. she glanced back at him with determined eyes.

gritting her teeth at yunho’s disobedience, the woman reached out towards yunho. “yunho, you useless mutt! what did i say—”

at that moment, something snapped in yunho. eyes hardening, he started to growl, making the woman freeze in her tracks. “no.” he firmly stated as he looked at his “owners”. “i’m not going back with you.” he glared. 

jiyu and seonghwa were surprised at his change of character. he was no longer the shy and smiling puppy. he now had the most intimidating glare, his eyes burning with hatred for the couple in front of him. 

the man exploded as he focused back to jiyu. he had enough. “do you know who we are?! we’re the ceo’s of star enterprise, and we can ruin your life with a snap of our fingers—”

as the man continued with his threats, seonghwa protectively stood in front of both yunho and jiyu. he towered over the couple, growling as a warning. the man gritted his teeth, slightly stepping back from seonghwa. 

“star enterprise?” jiyu mused at the familiar name. she remembered her father mentioning to her about how he had acquired their company. she smirked, realizing she had the upper hand. “then you don’t seem to know who i am.”  

the woman scoffed. “excuse me? you’re just a little bitch that—”

“does jiyu hwang ring a bell?”

suddenly, the man and woman’s eyes widened at the name. of course they knew who she was. she was the daughter of their acquirer, hwang enterprises. color drained from their faces at the sudden revelation. 

she walked around seonghwa and stood her ground in front of the couple. “i’ll make this short. i have proof of the both of you abusing this poor hybrid. now, we can make this simple and you can give me custody of him, and i won’t tell my father about any of this,” she smirked seeing their somewhat terrified expression. she knew how much they needed her father’s help in the industry. “unless...you want to wake up tomorrow morning with half of your stocks gone and your names labelled as hybrid abusers on an article. 

the man stumbled back. he had heard rumors of how ruthless hwang enterprises could be if you messed with them. now, he was witnessing it first-hand. unlike her husband, the woman still tried challenging jiyu. she scoffed. “you little bitch. you think you can threaten us using your father’s—”

“shut up, unless you want us bankrupt by tomorrow morning,” her husband hissed.

the woman was flabbergasted. “but—!”

ignoring his wife, he plastered a fake smile on his face as he bowed. “our apologies, we didn’t realize it was you, miss hwang!” 

jiyu fought the urge to roll her eyes at his switch of personality. “it’s fine.”

“although i’m quite unsure about why you want such a useless mutt, we can definitely hand him over. you’ll have the papers by tomorrow morning!” he said, trying to suck up to the younger female after his and his wife’s fatal mistake. 

jiyu plastered a smile. “i’ll be expecting them,” she curtly said before grabbing seonghwa and yunho’s arm to drag them away from the crowd. “and you should know, the hwang’s don't appreciate tardiness or lies.”

she pulled the two far from the whispering crowd and humiliated couple. seonghwa and yunho were shocked. that wasn't the jiyu they knew—it was like she was a completely different person. 

“oh my god, what did i just do?” she squealed when they made it back to the car. she face-planted onto the wheel as the other two climbed into the backseat. “i’m an idiot!” she berated herself.

“u-um...” yunho hesitantly spoke up. “are you okay?” 

she sighed. “yeah, i’m fine. are you okay, though?” she worriedly asked as she peered back at him. her normal, worried self was back. 

yunho nodded as he looked down, fiddling with his fingers. “t-thank you f-for that,” he mumbled. no one has ever done something like that for him. and it made him realize that maybe, just maybe, the universe was giving him a second shot at a place to call home.

she softly smiled before gently patting his head. “of course, yunho.”

“i think...i’ll take up your offer,” he shyly said, making jiyu and seonghwa grin. seonghwa cheered as he embraced the puppy. 

jiyu smiled. “welcome to the family, yunho.”

yunho grinned. “also, please remind me to never get on your bad side.”

seonghwa nodded. “that was cool, but scary.”

jiyu pouted. “i’m not that that scary, i promise!”

as the two teased her on the way home, jiyu gripped the wheel a little tighter. she never intended to show that side of her to them. as a matter of fact, she never intended to show anyone that terrifying side of her. the moment she left the main house, she locked that side of herself away forever, or so she thought.

as much as she hates to admit, she and her father shared many similarities—and their ruthlessness was one of them. she hated that side of her. discreetly glancing at the rearview mirror, she saw seonghwa and yunho laughing with each other.

that was when she knew she was different. while her father used his ruthlessness for money and power, she used it to protect her loved ones. she would do anything to keep them safe, even if it meant showing them glimpses of that side of her again.

“but now we have another problem,” she realized.

the hybrids cocked their head in confusion at her words. she sheepishly chuckled. “we’re gonna need a bigger living space.”

[thebmatt]

FFXIV Write Day 2

Aberrant - departing from an accepted standard OR diverging from the normal type.

CONTENT WARNING: asshole parents denigrating their child with sexually charged language

"Master? A letter arrived for you."

Ahldblaet Fyrilberksyn looked up from the stack of documents with an irritated expression at the servant who'd interrupted him, a hyuran male of fair skin and hair.  "Well, boy? Who is it from then? Twelve save you if this isn't worth interrupting my very important work!"

The man went even paler. "I....I don't know, master. The envelope was not signed. The post markings indicate that it originated in Eorzea, but otherwise the only marking is that of a small green axe. I don't know..."

Ahldblaet's eyes, normally perpetually narrowed due to being deep set in his face, widened in shock. "Give that here!" he shouted. "And be gone with you!"

The servant scurried over to Ahldblaet's massive desk and practically dropped the envelope on the nearest corner before fleeing with all haste, as though for his life. Ahldblaet immediately snatched it from the stack of parchment it had fallen on and inspected the markings that the servant had mentioned.

"Husband?" a voice called from the side door that led from his office further into the home.  Said door opened and a shorter Roegadyn woman stepped through, her ash-colored skin in marked contrast to the sea-blue dress she wore. Her dark grey hair framed a face that wore an annoyed expression. "What is all this bellowing about? You are disturbing my guests. It is...unseemly."

Ahldblaet turned his severe gaze upon the new entrant. He was tall and exceptionally broad, a picture of strength in his youth, but his body had taken on a measure of fat in his older age and more sedentary work. Despite this, and his balding head of hair, his steely eyed expression still cowed many of the people he dealt with on a day to day basis. "It would seem, wife, that the enormous investment we have paid into those mercenaries we dispatched to Eorzea may have finally borne fruit. This is a missive their leader sent me. After our last communication I told him, in no uncertain terms, not to contact me until he had something of note to report. Unless he has foolishly ignored my orders, this would mean he has something."

The woman was not cowed, having long becoming immune to her husband's glares. Impatiently she gestured to the envelope. "Well, open it then, you great oaf!  Maybe we will finally learn where our daughter vanished to!"

Ahldblaet tore the envelope and removed the missive inside. He began to read aloud, knowing from prior experience if he did not, his wife would snatch the paper from his hands mid-sentence. She was not a patient one.

"Masters Ahldblaet Fyrilberksyn and Lady Usynwyda Holaszirnwyn,

I am please to report that after much time and hard work on the part of the Emerald Marauders, we have located your wayward daughter. Furthermore, we have determined the reasoning as to why she evaded both us and every previous mercenary company your lordship sent to retrieve her

First, your daughter is no longer using her given name of Syhrwyda Ahldblaetwyn. Asking after that name yielded no results, aside from the merchants who recognized it only as pertaining to you. By sheer luck, we eventually stumbled across a Roegadyn language scholar who knew the translation of her first name and directed us to an adventurer known as 'Fearless Willow', one of the Warriors of Light.

I am hoping the story of the Warriors of Light does not require an explanation for your lordship, but I will remind you that these people are slayers of godlike beings who regularly enslave the minds of mortals around them, have engaged massive numbers of Garlean soldiers and magitek armor, defeated Imperial Legatuses in single combat (including the Crown Prince), and decisively ended a thousand-year war between a dragon horde and the nation of Ishgard.

From there, we set out to determine if this woman and your daughter are one and the same. It is well known that one of the Warriors of Light is in fact a Roegadyn woman, but we needed to be certain. Adventurers are often well traveled and thanks to the Aetheryte network, difficult to track. Your descriptions were also primarily of the physical sort, which did not help, as appearances are easy enough to change.

We caught a break in speaking to one of the mercenary crews you'd previously hired. Many of them had been either entirely wiped or or reduced in numbers to the degree that they'd disbanded. What few remained refused to speak with us once it became clear who we were tracking. One particular mercenary of an Ala Mhigan band (known as the Graybear Den, which if you recall abruptly returned your payment and refused the contract) however, let slip some valuable information after our agents plied him with enough drink. Once he realized who we were speaking of, he grew agitated and swore he would never help us find 'the Warrior o' Light". It would seem the Graybears believe they owed a measure of loyalty to the Warriors of LIght for their instrumental parts in liberating their homeland.

It was, however, enough. Once we determined that your daughter and this Warrior of Light were in fact one and the same, we began looking for ways to isolate her and take her prisoner. Unfortunately this has proven extremely difficult. As they are involved in affairs that affect the entirety of the star, the Warriors of Light are often on the move, moreso than normal adventurers. Furthermore, as I have mentioned, they are peerless warriors, often in each other's company or those of their fellow Scions of the Seventh Dawn. If you don't know the order, suffice to say they are Warriors and Scholars both who labor on behalf of all peoples to defend the world against tyranny and false gods. They are exceptionally successful in this regard. The Scions often meet and collaborate with the leaders of various powers on this continent, who are often accompanied by their own soldiers or bodyguards.

We have remained patient however, and managed to catch a glimpse of her. As I mentioned was likely, she has extensively changed her appearance. Her hair is now of a longer cut and nearly all black, with only highlights of the teal you had mentioned remaining. She has also taken to wearing dark makeup.

We have also determined that unlike her fellow Warriors of Light, she does not dwell in the Scion's headquarters. Instead, she has taken to living in the Hingashi port city of Kugane, where she has a modest home in the district of the city reserved for foreigners.

Finally, and you may wish to brace her ladyship for this part, she does not live there alone. Our spies have reported that her home is occupied by two other women, and their observations of them interacting within the city indicates that the three of them are lovers

We believe that this is our best shot at capturing her, but the price for her return to you has just doubled.

You are doubtless shaking with rage, but you hired us to retrieve a woman that you led us to believe would provide minimal resistance. Even isolated from the other Scions in Kugane, we believe we will face extreme resistance in this job. For starters, your daughter has mastered several forms of combat, including the ways of the Hingashi samurai, the axe-masters of Abalathia's Spine, and the art of thaumaturgy. She is also known to wield the Sharlayan art of Astrology, and has mastered a form of dance from Radz-at-Han that wields circular blades with deadly precision.

Furthermore, Fearless Willow is a known and loved name within the borders of Kugane, despite being a foreigner in a city that remains neutral to all concerns beyond their borders. She was instrumental in aiding their geomancers in repelling an attack from a fox-like beast known as 'Kinko' and she also trained alongside the Sekiseigumi (the samurai order that enforces the laws of the city, brutally so) and helped them put down a rebellion from within their own ranks. One of her lovers is a high ranking member of the Sekiseigumi. The other is a member of her dance troupe who is on an extended tour in the city. She is every bit as deadly in the art as Fearless is.

The point is that, even isolated from the other Scions, many people will rush to her aid. We expect heavy resistance and significant losses. The original reward will not suffice to cover this.

We will not move forward with this operation until we have your confirmation of acceptance of the new price. And we suggest you hurry, as events brewing suggest your daughter will soon be called back to the fight, at which point it is impossible to tell when we will have another opportunity

Cmdr Guji Pokiji Chief Executive, Emerald Marauders  

Ahldblaet set the letter on his desk, shaking with rage as he looked to his wife."How DARE that miniscule INSECT think to extort us?? A Warrior of Light, indeed. As if our useless fool of a daughter has the brains to take on even one sort of combat discipline, much less five! How gullible does he THINK us to be?"

Usynwyda nodded, a disgusted sneer on her face. "The NERVE of her, to merely toss aside the name we chose for her, only to refer to herself in the....ugh...common tongue! Still, the name cannot be a coincidence. Whatever other lies that little gnat undoubtedly told, this is the best lead we have had on Syhrwyda since she ran away."

"It is. And if they are not all lies, then it is all the more imperative we retrieve her before word of any of this gets out among our enemies. The very idea that she would toss aside the husband we painstakingly chose for her after careful selection and delicate negotiation in favor of laying with another woman, much less two! I worried she would do stupid things, but this level of degeneracy, of abberance? It is unconscionable!"

Usynwyda shuddered. "We cannot let this get out. I can never face any of the ladies if they should learn my daughter has become no better than some...common whore. We must marry her off to the Greinmyrgan boy with all haste before she does any further damage to us, to the company."

Ahldblaet scribbled furiously. "I am already writing orders to have our ship made ready and for our elite guards to prepare for a journey. We will find her and we end this nonsense."

Far away, in Kugane, the Warrior of Light known as Fearless Willow shuddered as she prepared to fall asleep. She had no ping from the Echo, no signal from her finely honed danger sense to explain it, but she definitely felt as if trouble was heading her way, and no idea what it might be.

[ushiwakatrash]

On your knees, King! (Part 3)

Bakugou x reader, Todoroki x reader

Fantasy AU

!Warnings!: Swearing, betrayal, lil dash of angst, shitty writing, abuse, physical harm

Synopsis:

Bakugou is the esteemed King of the Kingdom of Barbarians and because he succeeded in ruling the lands that were once governed by the Yuuei Kingdom, an offering must be made for the peace of the people. As the so-called ‘black sheep’ of the royal family, the King of Yuuei a.k.a. your father, offered you–naming you the most precious thing he could give; but you know the truth behind his words.

PART III

← Part 2           Part 4 →

Things started to get hectic in both the Yuuei and Barbarian kingdoms for only a few weeks were left until the wedding. Seeing the decorations being put up only meant a reminder for both Shoto and (Y/n) that it was real, it was happening-- but it was happening too fast for them to comprehend.

The princess was in a daze during her meal time with the only family she had left, her father. Ever since her mother passed away, things turned into hell.  Before fully agreeing to give their daughter away, the queen stood her ground in protest and resisted the King’s order. 

Blinded by rage, he threatened his wife with a sword but still, her gaze was firm and decision never wavered. The last string of patience the king had snapped and he swung his sword towards the woman, slicing her deep from the chest to her abdomen. 

In his state of shock, he stood there, hands shaking. His lover was no more and all because of the stupid Barbaric king, all because of his useless daughter, he lost more then just his kingdom. He had lost his wife.

 It took a long while for the king to come to terms with the thought of his diseased lover but he channeled all his pain into making another’s life miserable. 

Out of everyone, he had to choose his poor daughter, who he had blamed for everything.

“(Y/n)! I expect you to be on your best behavior and for once not be a failure to this family. Am I clear?” A tired nod was all she could answer. The king quietly stood up from his seat and hastily made it to (Y/n)’s side. A loud smack resounded in the room.

“I am a king here and I expect you to treat me like one, you useless bitch! When I ask you a question, answer me properly!” This was the king nobody from outside knew about. Only the people inside the palace knew about the true nature of this ‘kind’ king.

“Yes, your majesty. I have made a mistake.” The old man just scoffed and retreated to his room, leaving his daughter alone to dine. Because she is the Princess of the commoners, people from the palace were often enraged to see her being treated poorly by the only real family she had.

With no words being said, a cloth with cool water was handed to her by one of her most trusted maids, Ochako. “Milady, it is to avoid swelling.” (Y/n) gratefully took it and dabbed it over the reddening spot on her cheek.

“Now that my father is away and in his quarters, won’t you maids join me for my meal? Let’s leave some for the guards standing in the doorway as well.” This occurrence happened frequently. They knew it was no bribe from the princess, but pure genuine kindness. She was a far better ruler than her damn father.

“But ma’am...” the princess slouched in her seat to get comfortable “Oh come on, we’ve been doing this for quite some time now! I don’t wanna eat alone” she unleashed her puppy eyes and the maids couldn’t refuse any longer.

Her hand maid ushered the rest of the servants in the room to take their seats and they joyfully shared stories over the table. See, (Y/n) was really interested in the commoner life not to compare to her own, but to get to know the ways of her people. 

This is why even if the king treats her badly, the servants in the palace would never turn against her and if they had to take sides, they would all go to princess’ aide. 

“Milady, how are things with your fiancé?” the bold maid named Mina asked. “M-Mina?! You can’t just ask things like that!” The head maid Momo scolded. “No it’s okay Momo, guys you’re my friends just drop the Milady shit and call me (Y/n)”

Mina gave a victory smile to Momo and the the latter just sighed. “I haven’t met him yet in all honesty, but I think we’re going to their castle in a few days, or maybe tomorrow. I didn’t really listen to what that stupid old fart told me” 

They held their laughter at the nickname the king’s daughter had for him. “I hope even if he is one of those Barbaric bastards, he treats you fairly” Ochako had a sad smile on her face. The princess already had enough of her father’s torturing so having a bad husband would only continue her hell.

“In all honesty, I thought you would be wed to Prince Shoto. You were such a good match! I’m sure you would be happy with him” “Yes, Jiro that was the plan but it seems that fate had decided to push us apart. I’m sure I would have been happy but I’m not closing my doors to the thought of the new King as a husband. Maybe he can entertain me.”

“You can hunt together or maybe go on horse rides to lakes to watch the sunset!” (Y/n) knew this was too good to be true. Her soon to be husband was a brute, it would be weird if he was indeed that romantic. “Hah. I doubt he even has a romantic bone in his body. Anyway, I’ll be leaving first, girls. Ochako would you be a dear and please prepare my bath after you’re done eating. Do not worry, you can take your time and rest. Goodnight to all of you.”

“Sure thing princess!” “May you rest well.” “Nighty, (Y/n)”!”

-- 

“Oi hag, what kind of woman is she anyway? If it’s just some pissy girl I’d rather decapitate her family.” The older blonde smacked hiS HEAD. “Watch that stupid mouth of your brat! I’m sure she’s the perfect match for you. When has your mother been wrong?” The former queen smirked.

“She better not be weak. I don’t want my reputation to plummet because of some woman. I’m leaving with Kirishima to go hunt!” “Bring me a fat boar while you’re at it!”

--

Kirishima flew freely in the skies with Bakugou sitting snug on his back. At the same time, (Y/n) went to the woods after eating to let off some steam. Every time she thinks about her stupid father, rage fills her head. Nothing was her fault so why was she treated so badly.

The special spot (Y/n) and the friend who gave her necklace was her safe place. It was also the best spot to hunt boars, pigeons and if you’re lucky, deers.

She brought a bow and a sword with her and began to position herself to be hidden from her preys. Her sharp gaze caught a healthy fat boar in sight and the same time her arrow hit, a blade fell from the sky.

“Who’s the fuck did this to my fucking boar?!” A big gust of wind blew and standing before her was a huge red dragon, scales as red and as shiny as rubies.

“That’s my boar fuckface! Look for your own!” A blonde muscular man hopped off the dragon’s back. The Princess had put her cloak on to seal her identify, the man had a hood on too but his muscles were out for the world to see.

“You deaf, boy?! If you weren’t flying so high, you could have seen that my arrow had already pierced it before your dull blade could. Hands off my catch!” The man pulled the sword out of the boar and pointed it at the princess.

“No way, it’s mine! If you want it, fight for it!” (Y/n) wasted no time as she unsheathed her own weapon from it’s scabbard and went in for an attack. The blonde was surprised at the sudden movement of the woman but blocked her sword nonetheless. 

“You got spunk woman, but can you even handle my strength?” “Hah please, I can take you on any day, dandelion!” Their sparring took quite a while and Kirishima just sat at the back with a slight worried look on his face.

The girl took notice of the dragon’s structure and thought maybe it was hungry, but in fact Kirishima was just getting bored. When she managed to push her opponent back a little, she ran towards the boar and threw it at the dragon.

“Here boy, catch!” the smell of meat made Kirishima quickly respond and at the end of the duel, it was the red dragon who immersed victorious. 

(Y/n) laughed at the face the man made when their loot was snagged by the dragon. “Oi Kirishima! Why’d you eat it?!” The dragon just huffed in response. The girl went close to the dragon to try to pet it and because of the treat given by her, Kirishima bent his head to get the pats he loved. 

She then directed her attention to the male with a huge scowl on his face. Digging through her pouch, she handed him a loaf of bread and cheese. “Here, take it. I enjoyed our spar. I would have loved to ask for your name and to spar another time, but I think it’s impossible now.” she smiled sadly.

The blonde on the other hand only got curious “Why?” “I’m getting married soon. I can’t just hang around guys freely.” The sun was starting to set and people may have started to look for her in the palace.

“It’s time for me to go. If we see each other again, let’s exchange names, dandelion. I hope you can take me to the skies some time Kirishima! Have a safe journey home”

She didn’t wait for their response as she fled the scene quickly. 

Taglist: @the-sander-fander @cathwritestragediesnotsins @emilymikado @itsmysticalmystery

Taglist is open!

[chidoroki]

TPN - Isabella one-shot

Okay, so.. I have so many emotions right now it's not even funny. I don't care how many times I've said this since ch169, but I'm gonna say it again: Isabella is a goddamn QUEEN! I thought the side chapter was going to reflect the light novel like Krone's was last week (it was based on that, correct?), so being able to witness Isabella be that dangerous “iron woman” mastermind again was simply fantastic.

As Krone's extra chapter reminded us, every woman in this mother/sister academy is fighting to survive by any means necessary, so seeing these ladies put on a pretty face one moment to praise Isabella on her promotion only to talk shit behind her back the next minute was of no surprise to me. What did make me a little stunned was that these women are unmistakably the same women who stood so proud and confidently behind Isabella once she revealed her wonderful revenge plan to the rest of the facility back in ch170.

So, what changed? Oh, it's quite simple and a complete joy for me to talk about, so allow me. Isabella had a reputation of never making mistakes, as she always received perfect scores on both written and physical tests, so upon learning that she allowed 15 children to escape is a bit jarring, especially to the other ladies. The quality of her loss was such a huge hit to the farm's profit that they couldn't fathom why she of all people would be chosen to become the next Grandma. They believed it to be unfair, that Isabella must have had some sort advantage after working under Grandma Sarah that could've been kept under wraps. They both got rid of Krone with little to no explanation at all, so some rules must have been tweaked. It's no doubt the ladies saw Isabella as a major threat to their own survival, so they kept a close eye on her and waited for the perfect opportunity.. to create a fake lead to raise suspicion on this flawless woman.

Too bad dearest Grandma was already ten steps ahead of them! HAA! Did they honestly think they could take her down? And Jessica, sweetheart, you even spoke about Isabella's training days a couple of pages ago and how “she calmly got revenge on all the girls when they tried to sabotage her.” That literally just happened again so y'all can't really be surprised by this outcome! She knows that Jessica, Sienna, Scarlet & Matilda, are the current top four choices to become mothers, so it was quite easy for Isabella to determine who would go after her and her new position, if anyone were foolish enough to think about such a thing.

Luckily for them, Isabella has no intentions of killing them off. Since they're all quite intelligent and skilled, she decides to recruit them as allies in her pursuit to destroy Grace Field. Their reaction is similar to the other women we see from ch170. Everyone is apprehensive at first, as going against the farm is nothing but a crazy idea, and yet Isabella assures them that there is no bright future if they remain stuck in the system and obey their rules.

They betray each other to give themselves the best chance at surviving, but it'll be an endless hell if you live out your entire life in fear. So if not for each other, what do these ladies have to live for? Oh, just their children they all chose so hard to forget about.

By now it's no secret that Ray is Isabella's son, but ever since ch170 I couldn't help but wonder if any of those women were the biological moms of any of the other kids we know. You can't tell me the lady with that distinguished nose isn't Nat's mother. I also thought the others could be mothers of Rossi, Yvette, Anna and perhaps Don? Sienna might be Emma's, Matilda to Norman's, Scarlet to Phil's, and Jessica.. I'm not sure honestly? I know it could be any of the kids at GF plant #3, not just the 15 that escaped, but it is fun to think about though and I wasn't expecting to learn that their kids were all at the same house.

It's quite convenient that Isabella had the chance to raise their children actually, because after a few more words of encouragement and the knowledge that their children are indeed still alive, the four ladies agree to support Isabella's plan. Well, once she guarantees to not double-cross them, which is reasonable. It's best for them to have some trust in each other in order to work together. Isabella gives them her word and some much better evidence of her mistake in the form of… aaaaahhh Ray's note.

Bro, believe me when I was completely shooketh upon reading this. It's been a question we all had for so long that I was fairly certain we weren't going to get an answer for it after the series ended. Of course the knowledge of Ray being Isabella's true son was the weakness many of us thought the note contained, but I could've sworn I read somewhere, in some interview or whatever it was, that Shirai said it was something else Ray baited Krone with (right? or am I completely going crazy about this trivia). Anyways, I guess a farewell note is different enough but damn.. what a punch to my heart. Not only did he address it as “dear mother,” but the fact that Isabella kept it this entire time. Like wow.. I'm kinda speechless here. No doubt she still loves her son, just look at how fondly she holds it! If anything, I must know the full contents of said note! Shirai, please! I'm begging!

And if that wasn't enough to make me emotional, Isabella's wish certainly had me tearing up. I hope she knows that her precious children are all happy together in a free world living the best life they possibly can. Honestly, if I had any power to change just one thing in this series, it would to let Isabella live. Having Emma keep her memories is a close second, but I've come to accept that inconvenience after seeing how happy she and all the other kids are post-series. Look at this precious family! I love them! (also I wanna see that full photo on top with her and ayshe darn it!)

Seriously though, her death is still something I'm not over. I literally have not listened to her lullaby since ch177 dropped because I'm scared I'll become a tearful mess. Yes, sacrificing herself to protect Emma and that other girl from the demon was very admirable of her and helped with her redemption, but she didn't have to die from it! (hell, if emma could survive being stabbed then so could isabella, right?? damn plot armor! ) To me, I just feel like it wasn't necessary, especially now after learning what we just did from this extra chapter. Not only did she agree to become Grandma to help the children when they eventually returned to GF in two years, but Isabella also decreased the number of shipments in order to produce higher quality goods to make up for those that escaped, which is exactly what Emma believed would happen once she decided to leave the kids four and under behind. I love how Isabella adopted Emma's ideals and spirit in order to go against the system and rally everyone else up to accomplish the impossible. Personally, I forgave this woman the moment she retrieved the ropes in ch37 so the farm wouldn't know exactly where the children escaped from. She didn't have to die to prove she was a good mother who cared and love her children, because she showed that several times over and over again. She literally did everything in her power to help these kids secure a brighter future while remaining in the shadows.

Yeah, it makes me happy that they did at least take her body to to the human world so they all can continue to pay their respects to her, but aaahhh.. how I wish she were still alive. She suffered so much, she deserves to live in peace with her children and love them all normally. Ray especially!! You can't just formally introduce these four brilliant women to me and then be like “oh yeah, they have GF kids too and now they're free in the human world with them” and not have Isabella with Ray! I'm sure their relationship would've been rocky at first, but I still would've love to see them at least give each other a chance to be a real family. Hmmmm.. this chapter, man.. so not good for my heart, but I loved every bit of it. Once again, rest in peace to the iron woman. What a queen.

[rhaenyratargeryn]

Exit Wounds (Cyberpunk 2077)

Pairing: Takemura Goro x (female) V Rating: Mature Summary: When his plans for revenge fail, V and Takemura are left right where they once started. A dying thief and a disgraced soldier, with as much in common as they lack and an improbable bond that holds them to one another. Notes: Post-Canon, Nomad ending. Spoilers for post-game! Read on AO3

They’d picked up a tail somewhere around the border. Whomever it was, they were skillful and cautious, but even still the Aldecaldos were able to lose them in a sandstorm across the Mojave. After a few weeks, it seemed that maybe they had even died out there in the hot sands.

Panam had taken V to a few experts along their trail, people who had done work for the family but so far, there had been little more than additional pills to take. She was swallowing a pharmacy every morning just to keep blood out of her mouth, but the worst of the seizures were under control and well— there was still time. Six months Alt had said, but maybe more. One had already passed and V felt better. 

Well. Physically at least. 

Inside her head things had changed, for better or for worse, was an academic argument that V hadn’t the time to ponder. She had, god forbid it, gotten used to having Silverhand in her head. The lack of Johnny’s familiar presence in her mind had left a strange sort of… loneliness in her. A feeling that wouldn’t leave her, a gnawing sensation that something was missing.

She had Johnny’s memories still and her own of him, though it did little to console her. She sat on the dusty fender of one of the trucks, rubbing a smudge from Johnny’s aviators, one of the handful of tangible mementos she kept of the old rocker. The sun above was already searing hot, the heat like a burn on the back of V’s neck.

“How far out did you spot um?” Mitch’s voice cut through her thoughts and V squinted against the bright daylight up at the two younger nomad drivers, Fiona and Tiger. They’d been sent out on a water run, returning from the nearest town several miles out with gallons full to keep the Aldecaldos going further across the desert.

“Cut us off. Started a fire fight. It was fuckin’ dicey, Mitch. We got lucky. Fiona clipped him and then his hood. Whole ride started smoking and then died under him.”

“Was it Arasaka?” V asked, replacing the aviators over her eyes.

Tiger and Fiona shared looks and then with a tentative nod, Fiona answered in the affirmative.

“We think so. He moved like a damn one man army, even with how fucked up he seemed.”

“Fucked up?”

“The guy was a monster, but it was like… I dunno. Like he was hurt?”

“Never corner a wounded animal…” Panam offered cryptically from where she sat alongside V, shooting her a worried look.

“Wounded animals got nothin’ to lose,” V said in agreement, then got up with a sigh, “You said you shot him? His car broke down too?”

“Yeah, probably right where we left um… you want us to go back, Panam? Make sure he dropped?”

“I’ll tag along. Hitch over with you both.” V said, Panam frowning at the suggestion, “I could jack in, find out what info he has got. I know Arasaka, Panam, I’m the best to check it out.”

“You don’t need my permission, V—”

“But?”

Panam scowled, turning her eyes to the other Aldecaldos and jerking her head to the side in a silent scram. They left, Mitch stayed, crossing his arms.

“The guy is toast. Why not just leave him?” Panam said, a sigh in her throat, “I dunno. I don’t like this, V. Arasaka hasn’t made a peep since we left. Thought we were keeping under the radar…”

“Clearly not.” Mitch said with a shrug, “And he might be toast. Or he mighta had back up. He might be on his way back to the NC to give up our location. We should make sure he is flatlined, if anything.”

Panam was the head of the family now, her word given final weight of law, but more often than not they had worked together as a sort of “council”. Panam was still getting used to Saul’s absence, an empty void that no one attempted to fill, because no one could ever do so. She looked to V and Mitch for guidance and right now it was obvious in the way she worried her bottom lip and flashed a look up and down V that she wished Mitch had agreed with her.

“You’ll keep outta trouble?” Panam said and V couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“I’m already dyin’, what other shenanigans could I get up to?”

Panam scoffed, clearly not liking the answer.

“Ugh, just be safe! Come back in one piece... or this shitty ass trip has been for nothin’.”

This was what having a family was all about though. Caring. Scolding. And now that she had it, V wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not for all the eddies and fame in Night City.

“Be back soon then.” V said, meeting back up with Fiona and Tiger with a short wave behind her.

---

It wasn’t a long drive to the spot where they had tangled with the possible Arasaka soldier and that actually genuinely worried V. They’d gotten close. Too close.

“There it is, can you see?” Fiona said, pointing her cigarette towards the ever larger growing mass of grey smoke.

“Pull off up here… Fiona, you stay with the car and I’ll take Tiger with me. You hear shots or us hollerin’ you peel outta here and go get the others, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Got it.” Fiona flicked ash unto the sand as she pulled the car up slowly to the patch of dried red earth, hidden in the shadow of a high rock and threw the gear into park.

Tiger followed V out, his rifle at the ready as he hung back a few steps. V had Johnny’s— no, her pistol. It was strange how well it fit in her hand, a perfectly balanced weapon that she loaded and readied with the familiarity of one who had used it for years, not a few weeks.

The remnants of the enemy jeep were still burning, fire crackling faintly from beneath the blackened and smoke streaked hood. The thing was already doomed before it took a few good shots to the metal, the paint peeling from the sides everywhere from overexposure to sunlight and rough sands. It was a junker, not exactly the kind of thing an Arasaka soldier would drive.

V came up around the drivers side while Tiger kept back, rifle ready for longshots. No one seemed to be in the car. V checked the handle with the back of her hand, feeling only the heat from the sun on it. She opened it quickly, hand going back to hold her pistol ready as she checked the passenger seat and back. 

No one.

Frowning, she noticed blood on the driver’s seat, smeared across the old cracked leather. The trail continued on the ground, darkening the already caked red dirt with splotches. Any rations or water the truck held were taken and whomever was driving had begun to walk, following the tire tracks Fiona and Tiger had originally left behind.

V felt her blood run cold as the depth of her mistake fell on her.

“Tiger! Turn ‘round, get back to Fiona!”

“W-what?” the young man sputtered, gun up and ready as the panic in V’s voice clearly showed through.

“Get back to the damn car!”

V broke out in a run, leaving him behind as she tried not to let her heart surge with panic. Her eyes caught the blood trail on the ground… making its way to the same rock, the only place of shade, where they had parked the car.

By the time V was back in the shadow of the dark rock formation, her fear was confirmed.

Fiona was out of the car, her eyes wide and fearful and her hands behind her head as the man behind her pointed a gun to her temple.

A man whose cold, mechanical grey eyes cut right through V’s chest and threatened to suck the breath from her lungs.

Takemura’s lips twitched into a smile that was more sneer than anything. Surprise registering just for a moment on his features, or maybe it was more like shock.

“The very woman I have been looking for.”

Tiger had been right. Takemora was a mess. Even without the gunshot wound bleeding sluggishly at his side, his usual immaculate bun was loosened, strands falling across his sun-scorched face, darkening his already warm complexion with deep reds.

He was indeed a wounded animal, a wounded wolf, snarling and ready to take its prey with it to the grave.

V brought her hands up, holding her pistol out and quickly ejecting the clip and then the bullet in the chamber. Carefully, she set the pistol on the ground.

“A wise choice.” Takemura said, accepting her silent surrender.

“Let her go, Goro.”

“You insult me.” he spat, Fiona crying out as his grip tightened and jerked at the back of her neck.

“Fine! Fine— Takemura. Let her go. You came out here for me, yeah? Don’t need the kid.”

“What is one more life to you, V? You already have so many to answer for.” Takemura said, but despite his words, his grip relented on Fiona, “I am here only for one. One that mattered most…”

Takemura took the gun from Fiona’s belt, tossing it far off into the dirt before shoving Fiona away from him dispassionately.

“Do not move.” was all he said to Fiona, his eyes never leaving V’s. Takemura staggered forward. He tried not to let the pain show, but it was obvious he had lost too much blood. He wouldn’t survive that wound without help, but something in his eyes made V think… he didn’t intend to.

V didn’t run, didn’t even struggle as he reached out and grabbed her throat with a hand, sticky with dried blood. He dragged her in close, close enough that she could smell the smoke on his clothes and feel the heat of his breath.

A quiet seemed to come over him, an almost peaceful stillness. His eyes were half lidded as he looked down at her, his hand moving to hold the back of her neck more gently, almost in an embrace as the other held the pistol close to her head.

“... you should have left me to die that da-”

Takemura’s words were cut off with a strangled cry of pain as Tiger’s rifle thundered and a shot grazed over his shoulder and tore fabric and flesh from him. The impact was enough to throw Takemura off balance, giving V enough time to force him back onto the ground, scrambling for the pistol in his hand.

It was a dirty fight— more of a scuffle than anything as blood loss and dehydration seemingly had already sapped the former Arasaka bodyguard of much of his strength. V did him the favor of knocking him across the head with the butt of his pistol before he could get up and risk another shot from Tiger. Somehow, V felt the younger man wouldn’t miss the second time around.

Tiger clamored down from the rockface, rifle still up and ready for another shot.

“No! He’s down!” V hovered over Takemura, shielding him from Tiger’s barrel.

“I missed um, V! Fucker still breathing.”

Fiona had scrambled up from the dirt, rubbing away the clean spots where her tears had made trails down her cheeks.

“Yeah and he’s gonna stay that way, alright? Just… just check on Fiona and get the damn car going. We’re taking him back to camp.”

“V, what? No. No, no way. We can’t take some Arasaka spy back with us!”

“He ain’t Arasaka.” V said behind clenched teeth, straining to haul up the dead weight of her former partner in crime, “Eh… hey, help me here will ya?”

Tiger stared, dumbfounded as his rifle went lax in his hands.

“Look, we need to know what he knows. We can do that better somewhere safe and with him not leaking to death so help me get him in the damn car.”

--

If V had thought Tiger and Fiona put up a fuss on the drive back, she had not fully imagined how Panam would react. V wondered to herself if Saul had ever yelled at Panam this way before, because it certainly matched the kind of ferocity she had seen between the pair.

“Are you listening to me, V?!”

How could you miss it?

V’s inner voice, which sometimes still sounded a lot like one Mr. Silverhand, provided in his deadpan voice. It was an imagined voice, but it still brought a smile to her lips as V let herself indulge in the fantasy that he remained with her.

“Jesus… completely ignoring me. V. You brought an Arasaka spy to the camp. We can’t let him go now! Our best bet is to put two in his skull and burying him in a sand drift and hope his friends don’t come looking!”

“No one is gonna come lookin’, Panam. He’s former Arasaka. Outcasted. Exiled— whatever you wanna call it. He doesn’t got any back up. They don’t even know he is here and would kill him as surely they would any of us.” V said, leaning back in one of the camp’s creaky metal folding chairs.

Even in the firelight it was easy to see the lack of faith in Panam’s expression as she paced around the firepit, raking her hands roughly over her face.

“Former Arsaka, current Arasaka. Shit, V, you think that matters? I got a half dead highly trained killer in this camp who wants to off you.”

V shrugged.

“Oh my god, you are impossible!”

“I’m the only one he is a danger to, so I don’t know why—”

“Do not finish that sentence. You know damn well why.”

Still managing to piss off everyone, I see. Fucked off to the furthest outer reaches of the net and Johnny’s words still somehow played in her head. 

“Sorry.” V said with a grumble, resting all four legs of the chair back to the ground, “He might know something. And if he does or doesn’t, we can just patch him up and drop him at the nearest town.”

“Oh, yeah. Real nice, V. So he can come after us again?”

“I’m not gonna kill him.”

Panam sighed— well. It was more like a half assed hoarse yell from the back of her throat, but V thought she meant it as a sigh.

“... they manage to fix him up at all?”

“Yeah… yeah it looks like he had one shot of Bounce Back left. Kept him from flatlining when he took that hit to the side. He was already healin’ up. Bullet was through and through. Tiger only managed to graze him. Kid got nervous or else your old friend wouldn’t have a face right now.”

Panam crossed her arms, still fidgeting from side to side.

“That ain’t even his worst problems. Guy probably hasn’t eaten in days and his water ran out long off too. This… well. I don’t think he was planning on going back to NC.”

After a moment, V stood, rubbing both hands up behind her neck and then back down with a groan.

“I don’t think so either.”

“You… gonna see him?”

“You got him restrained?”

“Yeah, V. He’s in and out. Was delirious for a bit, but they managed to get some water in him. V… he’s in a bad way.”

“...s’my fault.” V said, words a half mumble, “You heard on the radio. Our plan got Hanako Arasaka killed. I… didn’t want that, but Alt had her own plans, ya know? Christ, at the time I didn’t even think to know, I was just trying to keep alive.”

Panam shook her head, “We lost people too. Saul. Teddy. Bob. … fuck, nearly lost more. You didn’t know Alt was going to stage a hostile god damn take over. He can’t blame you.”

“He will.” V said, her voice quiet, “I… I’ll try to talk to him. At least keep him from doing anything stupid thinking we got plans to flatline him.”

“Yeah, just… be careful, V. Like I said. The sun does weird bullshit to your head out in this place.”

V only nodded, gripping Panam’s shoulder just briefly as she passed towards the tent where they were keeping Takemura.

---

Two armed nomads were outside the tent while another two had been inside while Tom, a former ripperdoc and current nomad senior, had worked on Takemura. The three had left to give V some space, but the other guards remained outside nearby.

Takemura was laid out on one of the cots, his ruined shirt cut and stripped from him, leaving him bare from the waist up except where bandages were wrapped tightly around his middle and then up around his shoulder and back. V had always seen the exposed trace of chrome that wrapped around his neck and along his jaw, but now she could see where cyberware traced across his bare arms and lined one side of his ribs. Their purpose, V couldn’t say, and most likely, they didn’t work anymore given Takemura’s burned status with Arasaka.

The rest of his body was, at least by appearances, organic. Smooth olive complected skin over toned muscle. Takemura’s face gave away his age. The lines on his forehead and around his mouth indicated years of deep thinking… or deep scowling, but otherwise he had kept himself at peak condition. A work requirement no doubt of being a top Arasaka bodyguard.

His breathing was sharp, but steady enough. His eyes were closed, but a grimace rested permanently across his features even in sleep.

V pulled up a chair, turning it backwards as she straddled it and leaned her arms against the back frame.

“... you look like shit, man.” she said, not expecting an answer. She didn’t get one either, not a vocal one. Instead she got the faint clatter of metal against metal as Takemura moved and the cuffs holding his arms to the bed rattled against the frame.

She had flinched at the sound, embarrassing herself.

His eyes opened, the pale grey like moonlight slicing through darkened clouds. He looked hazy, drugged up… his eyes looked over at her with only the vaguest recognition.

“... V?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“I am… not dead. A dissapointment.”

“Sorry— you were hoping we’d put two in your head while you slept?”

Takemura made a gruff sound that V took as an affirmative.

“Would have made it easier.”

“Uh huh, you know they got hotlines for this kinda thing.”

Takemura groaned, “I remember. You said same thing in Night City.”

“I’m sure someone in camp would be happy to help you out if you try shooting me again.”

Takemura went silent at that, turning his eyes upwards towards the top of the tent with a deep frown. Like he was remembering something he had, for a moment, forgotten.

“I will kill you, V. For what has been done.”

“I didn’t have anything to do with Hana-”

“You insult her by speaking her name.” his voice was harsh, pain straining the words as he tried to sit up and found himself unable to bear his wounds.

“...I’m sorry, Takemura. I didn’t— it wasn’t— I didn’t want anyone to get hurt… I was dying. Like literally in that moment fucking flatlining. I did what I had to try and sever that relic from my head and… and that AI did what she wanted.”

“You let it in. It turned systems against Arasaka. Hanako-sama— Hanako-sama was shredded by hacked mech units. Beyond recognition! And you tell me you didn’t know? You knew it would be nothing good.”

“... when I was there, when Alt took over… she was only attacking soldiers who attacked us. I don’t know what happened with Hanako-sama, but—”

“And now I have told you what happened to Hanako-sama.” Takemura said, his words clipped, “Get out— better still, let me die having done my duty.”

V swallowed thickly, rolling her lips together before she said quietly, “I’m not gonna do that.” 

Takemura did not respond. He shut his eyes, as if he refused to even give V the dignity of looking at them. His brow was tight, pained and yet still grimly determined. 

There were things she still needed to ask him— did Arasaka know where he was? Did he still plan to bide his time and kill her? V felt her heart throb at the very idea that this man who she had trusted, had worked with, had saved her… now utterly hated her.

He had sent her one message after she had left Night City, standing among the rubble and ruin of Arasaka Tower.

Rot in hell, クソ野郎.

In all honesty, the way he had spoken, the things he said… well, she hadn’t expected to hear or see him again. V had done with that knowledge what she did with most things… hit delete on the message and then buried it in the back of her thoughts with Jackie and the other countless people she had let down. These things were all just part of the sins she figured she would pay for in six months when her body finally succeeded in killing itself. A part of her had even wondered if the agony of that, the pain of each seizure, the waking exhaustion, nausea and memory loss… if her suffering could tip those scales even the slightest. Make it even. 

Just another fairy-tale dream. Johnny’s voice scoffed in her imagination.

Maybe suicide was still his intention, but it was obvious now to V the means of that demise had changed. Takemura couldn’t get Yorinobu now, but he could get her. The one who had promised to help him gain his revenge and then denied it for him forever.

V stood and quietly left through the tent flap, barely giving an appreciative nod to the guards out front as she staggered off to her own tent, feeling sick from the faint throb that had begun to pulse in the back of her neck… from regret. From guilt.

Her vision cut, lines of static racing across her sight and making shapes turn into nothing more than incomprehensible blurs. V felt the world shift and jerk from side to side, the ground rising up to meet her as she tripped over her own feet and fell with a thud to the dirt.

Even laying there, voices of alarm tuned out and far away, faces blurred and unidentifiable, V could feel the churning turning sensation as the Earth spun slowly through space. Falling, through silent cold space.

Like Jackie, like T-Bug. Like Johnny.

Like all the dead that had come before her. 

Breathing deeply, V curled her fingers into the red sand, and held on.

Not yet, V. Not yet.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT. 1]

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse

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NIKKI

1987

I throw another drink back not long after yelling obscurities at Viv as she stomped out of VIP to leave and go home, between more lines of blow, a trip to the bathroom to get a fix and some drinks, we decide to take the party to Steven's new place. 

"You guys just can't be too loud, though, got it?" He says as sternly as he can as we get inside and he fumbles for his key. 

"Alright, alright, alright," I mumble, stepping inside, grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter before getting comfortable on the floor by the window. 

We all talk--as best we can--for a little while, Steven and the boys making some calls to get some dealers here, and the only thing on my mind is getting a potent fix, until I hear something...very faint, very familiar...very, very, familiar...I furrow my brows to focus more, ignoring the guys' laughter and voices, my eyes training on the wall opposite of me. 

My subconscious puts it together before my conscious does, like smelling a blanket from a childhood home and immediately being taken back before your brain can quite grasp the feeling. 

Multiple memories shrouding that sound of Vivian that only she can really pull off. 

It doesn't take rocket science equation solving skills to put together why I'm currently hearing her soft, pretty moans carry on next door. 

I'm pretty sure more members of Guns, aside from Steven, are staying here right now. 

Apparently Stevie hears it not long after and slips into the next suite, where the sound is coming from, that's connected to his suite. 

I don't hear it anymore after he gets back in here. 

"Dealer's coming or what?" I ask Steven, my high starting to get blowed from the fact that my wife is next door on her back for someone who isn't me. 

I'd be jealous if I weren't numb to it by now.

"They're all tied up, man." Steven tells me and I groan, thinking for a second. 

An idea comes to mind that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but I'm desperate and left with no option at this point. 

"I know a guy," I mumble, dragging myself up to the phone in the little kitchen area, reluctantly dialing a number I never wanted to dial again. 

It rings once...twice...three times… 

"Hello?" He answers and I roll my eyes. 

"'Sup man, it's Nikki." I reply, trying to put on my best "friendly" voice, even though it's making my blood boil that the bastard I could see myself killing is ultimately the one that's gonna be able to save the day. 

"Hey, dude." He replies. 

"Me and a few buddies of mine are out here at the Franklin Plaza Suites and need a few things." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

It's quiet, and he reluctantly breathes out. 

"I'll see what I can do." I can hear the satisfaction in his voice that I'm having to call him. 

Within the next forty minutes there's more people here than I'm comfortable with, groupies, and hangerson, and other drug adoring morons, and then my saving grace comes through the door once Steven lets him in. 

Slash is already slipping into a Jack induced stupor. Sally came in a few minutes ago screaming at all of us guys for leaving her at the Cat House. 

We didn't even realize we'd forgotten her. 

She's in the bathroom, probably keeping herself in there to keep from starting an argument with Slash in front of everyone. 

Robbin's on the phone with Laurie.

Apparently it's just in men's nature to get fucked up, call our wives, and profess our undying love for them despite the fact we cheat on them nearly every time we hangout with our friends. 

I wonder what would happen if I went in there on her and Duff right now. 

What would she say? 

Probably nothing. 

She'd just look at the floor and try not to cry, probably. 

What would I do? 

I know that I know what's going on between them, but if I actually walked in and saw them together, caught in the act…

I'd either be a pussy and cry over it, or kill them both--him first and make her watch, and then just slowly torture her or something. God, I'm fucked up. Even though I'm pretty sure being married to me is torture enough to her. 

I know it's torture to me, too. 

"Here dude," Sparkie hands me a syringe and a spoon, and I look at him, too out of focus to concentrate on getting it right. 

"Fix me." I say to him and he scoffs. 

"Okay, dude." He starts getting it ready and I look at that wall again. Staring at it, taking a sip of my drink. 

Fucking Vivian. 

Of course. Her. Of all the women I've hooked up with and dated in my life, she--the most harmless, at least in my dumbfuck mind when I first met her--is the one to screw me over like this. 

And I've let her. 

If I did what Vince does to Sharise and have that whole, "no hanging out with your boy friends without me" rule, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I loosened her leash a little too much and now she's chewed her way through it entirely. 

"You look like you're in hell, you know," Sparkie tells me, fixing the tourniquet around my arm… "But that's okay, you're about to be in heaven in just a few seconds." He assures me. 

I know he's right. I just need to hang on to that. 

In just a few seconds, I'll be--

I hear Vivian, again, and I reach around my neck and grab onto her cross I've been wearing for weeks, now, squeezing it at the sting of the needle going into my skin. 

I feel him shoot me up, my mind waiting to chase and catch the high that I just know is about to come. 

My fingers slip from the crucifix, and I feel myself fall back before a weightless feeling washes over me.

Present

I keep rereading the damn paper, repeatedly, trying my hardest not to throw a fit...

Nikki Sixx and his wife, Vivian, recently confirmed that she is indeed pregnant issuing a simple and straightforward,"Yes, it's true," statement earlier this week through Nikki's manager, and--as speculated--her pregnancy is not with Nikki. Many fans and some friends of the couple are blown out of the water by this sudden turn of events, others who are familiar with the rockstar and his band but never really paid much attention to his personal relationships, are now curious as to who exactly Vivian Sixx is. Well, in an open letter, rumored to be intended for print in Rolling Stone, a few anonymous former roadies of Mötley Crüe--who partook on their Girls, Girls, Girls, tour in 1987--are here to introduce who they saw behind the scenes of flashing cameras and public sweet moments with husband Nikki. 

"This is a letter to Mötley Crüe fans, we're a mere handful of people out of the many who witnessed monstrosities behind the scenes while on tour with the Crüe since Summer of 1987, none of which were caused by the band or any members, themselves, but one woman in particular. We had no reason to really bring any of this up, but in light of recent news, we are disheartened and angered of the betrayal against one of the four men who gave us an opportunity to live several months in our lives that will forever impact us in the best way known, and provide heartwarming memories by the dozen. This is not an attack on Nikki Sixx, especially given his past struggles with opioid addiction, alcoholism, as well as his abusive wife. The first time we met Vivian, she was polite and friendly, but very assertive. It was obvious it would be her way or no way,  and often times she and Nikki would go back and forth with who was running things. It was obvious Nikki was unwell at times, whether it'd be hungover, sick from withdrawal or simply tired from a show the night before. Vivian would choose these times when he was at his most exhausted to pick fights with him. He'd tell her to go away or 'f**k off,' and she'd continue to verbally and mentally beat him down more than he clearly already was. When Rolling Stone came to interview the band shortly after the wild rumor Vanity started publicly, we were told Vivian had tried to physically attack the reporter working on the story, simply because he made the comment that Pepsi wasn't good for her. Small things like that would often set her off, leaving security, managers, and band members to try to dodge fists while pulling her off of her unsuspecting victim, who was typically Nikki. Many times we'd hear them arguing in the hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms, tour bus, etc., usually followed by sounds of what we can only describe as 'pitchy, hungry, pornstar moans' on her part--clearly using her body to get back in his good graces after wearing him down. After their fights, Nikki would always have a bottle of alcohol on hand, some kind of drug, and would keep to himself. Our comradery with him soon began to dwindle with each month because it was obvious she was beginning to suck the life out of him. He was more introverted overtime, and higher more often than he was at the beginning of the tour. It really got bad when Guns N' Roses came on tour for a month, because Vivian's attacks on him and the other members of Mötley Crüe, began to pop off as randomly and explosively as fireworks. We'd witness some foul exchange (brought on by Vivian)  between her and Nikki backstage, either verbal or physical, nearly every night. People can talk down on the Crüe for being bad boys, but they've shown everybody that's helped them on tour, gratitude. All the wives and girlfriends that would come on that we'd offer food and drinks to would always express gratitude with a smile and a warm heart, but Vivian would always stay silent and cold towards us. She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her. We aren't surprised that she's pregnant, she probably video taped herself conceiving the damn thing and sent it to Nikki. We hope she did so it can be practice  for her inevitable low-budget porn career when she runs out of rockstars to f**k and kill, as we've mentioned, she already sounds like one in the throws of passion. Anyway, Nikki, we're hoping you decide to kick her aside and start fresh. Duff, get a paternity test, dude. Crüe fans, don't let that red-headed bitch fool you."

"Who the hell is Page Six to give these bastards a platform in the first place, Doc?!" I snap.

"Nikki, I am handling it, I'm on it--"

"--You tell the L.A. Times and Rolling fucking Stone if they take this shit and run with it, too, I'm personally coming to their offices and fucking them up. Not the publications themselves, but the people trying to put this out there in print, individually." I hiss.

"Nikki, just--" 

"--And who the hell--what roadies did this?!" 

"I don't know, Nikki, but I'm trying my hardest to get it cleaned up." He assures me. 

"'She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her'?!" I read that snippet, just so he can be reminded how fucked this is, trying my hardest not to start pitching a fucking fit. 

"Fucking AJaxx isn't even cleaning this up! Press mongrels are gonna be humping these bastards legs for giving them sales for the next nine months!" I outburst. 

"Sixx, don't worry about it, alright? It won't go past this shitty Page Six story, okay?" 

"It's fucking horse shit." I ignore him, trying to keep my cool. "Fuck." I kick at the leg of the table, running a hand through my hair.

"I guess one decently positive thing is that Viv doesn't know about this," he says next and I shake my head a little, feeling a migraine starting to come on, strong. 

I was tempted then to check myself out of rehab and 'handle' it myself, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. I hoped it would go away and it would all blow over eventually.

"Vivian, don't listen to any of it, alright? Me and you and everyone on that tour know damn well it wasn't just you being a bitch and us being the innocent victims." I say through the phone as Viv tries to calm down, her breathing shaky and ragged from crying so much. 

"I know that but the fans and other people don't know that." She says to me, her voice quiet and tired. "I'm so embarrassed, Nikki." She adds. "I'm already embarrassed that everybody knows I cheated on you but now this whole thing…" she trails off and I feel guilt tug at my heart. 

I don't know what the fuck to say. 

I'm used to criticism from the press, but none of them have tore into me or any of the guys--except Vince after the Razzle accident--so personally and extensively as they're tearing at her. 

Calling me a devil worshipper and saying my music is shitty gets annoying and frustrating and even infuriating at times, but attacking my wife and calling her a low budget porn star and telling me to kick her aside? 

Fuck that. 

"I'm sorry, Viv. I really am." I assure her, honestly, closing my eyes when I hear her stifle a little sob out. "Where are you at right now?" I ask. 

"Duff wanted me to meet his family." She tells me. "I'll be back Saturday." 

I'm relieved she actually has a reason for not being here, but I'm also hurt that she didn't give me a heads up. But I don't want to talk about it right now. I think she's been punished enough today. 

"Okay...you didn't show yesterday and I was just worried." I admit. 

"I know, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He asked me last week and I didn't think it'd be an issue." 

"Oh." 

I glance around and let out a breath. 

"I, um, I'm gonna go. I got a group thing with the guys at 3:00." I tell her. 

"Okay." 

"Are you gonna be okay or do I need to break out and kick someone's ass?" I ask her, half-joking, and she laughs, making me smile. 

"I'll be okay." She tells me. 

"I'll see you next week, Sixx." 

I can practically hear the smile in her voice when she says, "see you next week." 

We hang up and I rub my lips together, taking a few deep breaths before heading to where me and the guys meet with Amber three times a week now. 

Tommy and Vince are waiting for me, and I plop down beside them, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands running over my face…

"Psst," Tommy nudges me and I look at him as Vince gets up to grab a cup of coffee. 

"What?" I ask him, and he puts his finger over his mouth. 

"You seen the shit they're on Vivian for?" He whispers and I furrow my brows, looking around. 

"The room is empty except us, dude, why are you--"

"--Shh," he says. 

"Why are you whispering?" I finish my sentence. 

"Because they probably have this motherfucker bugged out the ass." He replies, glancing around again. "I'm thinking of breaking outta here, man." He whispers very, very quietly. 

"You do know we're not being held here by legal obligation, right? They won't chase us down and have the cops on us if we just check ourselves out." I point out and he furrows his brows a little. 

"Oh." 

"Why do you wanna 'break out'?" I ask. 

"I miss Heather and my dogs and I wanna be able to be there Viv, dude. She fucking needs us right now and we're, like, over an hour away--disconnected from shit. I mean we wouldn't even know what the fuck was going on in the world if Doc wasn't keeping us in the loop, ya know?" 

I think about it for a second. 

"We're over a month into our three month stay, dude." I state. "We can't just throw in the towel, now." 

"I don't mean ditch it and stay gone. I just mean check out for a few days, go back home, see what all is going on and come back." He shrugs. 

It seems oddly appealing. 

Way too appealing, actually. 

"I don't know, Tommy…" I rub the back of my neck.

"I already talked to Vince about it and he's down."

"Of course he is." 

"And we wouldn't be doing it tomorrow or anything. I'm thinking next week." 

"Does Doc know?" I ask. 

"Fuck Doc." He scoffs. 

"Agreed." I nod, chuckling. 

"So, you in or not, man?" 

"Just for a few days?" 

"Just for a few days." 

"Then we're all coming back in?" 

"Like we never left to begin with." 

"No drugs, no parties, not even alcohol." 

"Just spending time with our families and then back to the grindstone." He states. 

"...I'm in."

 ...You know when you're on a shitty diet, eating boring, tasteless, "healthy" food, and then decide you've been stuck to your diet long enough that you can have one slice of cake because you're disciplined enough to control yourself? And now, two years later, you're still telling yourself you'll get back on your diet because after that slice of cake you just said, "fuck it," and never thought about forcing yourself to eat lettuce again? Let's just say leaving rehab prematurely works the same damn way.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Training Part 1

There were no young men who came to the resort without a sponsor. Be it a wife, a girlfriend, a sister, mother, or aunt. No young man was allowed there without a sponsor and none were allowed without meeting certain very strict criterion. Some were specific and fit into neat categories that were known as the “basic minima of entry”. For the first basic minimum no more than one man could be there for every eight women which meant there was almost always a waiting list of sponsored young men up to a month. The second was that the young man be between the ages of eighteen and twenty-one, though those over twenty were rarely taken. The third was aforementioned sponsorship and generally at least two sponsors known to the group were required though some more respected members of the group could bring another. The fourth was that the young man must be circumcised prior to getting to resort with enough time to heal and be ready for intercourse.

There were also the three more abstract criterion. The first of these was that a young man must be physically attractive both in the body and face and have hygiene befitting his qualities. He was to be judged by a panel and if they found his physical features attractive enough he could join, if he was deemed near enough, he would be given three months to correct whatever issue as best he could. Allowances were made for small things like acne that a young man might not perfectly control. Most often it was simply that a young man was expected to become more fit or to simply improves his grooming. There were generally few who fell into this category.

The second was that the young man should be of some intelligence, he had be able to understand instructions given and, he had to understand the deeper relevance of them. He would have to be able to understand the lessons and mantras repeated on a daily basis. There would be plenty to learn for those impressionable young men who were taken there and it was important to know the lessons would become ingrained though the indoctrination those young men would receive. Few young men who left would have said that it did not leave an impression on them.

The third was personality and more broadly speaking social skills. The young men had to posses those requisite social skills to at least avoid being boring to the women of the resort and to be able to pick up some minimum of the women’s emotions and desires. Of course this was not a hard thresh hold as young men were to be further educated in these skills. Indeed most of the women there were eager to teach the men who came there how to further anticipate a woman’s needs. Some even took it to the point of being like a sport or challenge. To see how much they could spur a young man to further development in this category. They would show off to one another how well their charges and students could read their body language and the inflections of their voices and how thoroughly and eagerly they responded.

The brings us to to Victor, a handsome young man of Russian-Canadian origin who lived Toronto where his father and mother had settled and become firmly middle class. He was tall, about 6’1” but perhaps just a bit more with a lithe frame and with some musculature though he was by no means one gifted to be a true athlete. His features were fine and sharp with a pale complexion and fine blond hair. He had a well sculpted face and though not at all feminine he was not what one would call overly masculine. He turned eighteen early in his senior year and this had bought him some initial popularity as he could buy alcohol but that soon waned. He had always been shy and so it surprised him one day when hi sister called him in the first week of October from university to tell him she had helped to arrange a surprise and that a friend of his, Priya, had set up the very idea. He was to travel with them in one week, to see small resort several hours north.

Priya and he had been friends since they met eight years prior when she came to his elementary school. She was outspoken and intelligent and the two had bonded immediately though they contrasted in many ways. Physically she was petite and feminine in every way with no androgyny to speak of. Her complexion a fine color like that of cinnamon. She was outspoken and vigorous about stating her opinions and able to talk to anyone with ease I contrast to Victor who was sometimes shy. Yet they were able to form a bond in terms of being older than their respective classmates, though not by much, as well as being from immigrant families and speaking different languages.

The idea came as a shock to Victor but he was certainly open to it. His sister, Any, had always been supportive of her younger brother and despite an age difference of four years he always felt that he could come to her for advice in comfort and ease. One would be hard pressed not to assume they were related by looking at them as they shared some physical features though Anna was the more practical and wished to be a researcher while victor pursued softer studies. He hoped one day to be a human rights lawyer and Anna was the only one in full support of this. His father and mother thought he ought to go for the highest paid position and not pursue lofty ambitions. After all this is how they had overcome their initial poverty.

The week passed an Victor was excited to see his older sister once more. He had asked Priya about the details of the trip though she had been reluctant to share too much. She had told he conservative parents she was going with a girlfriend and suggested that he find a suitable person to use as an alibi as well. It would be fun she was sure but she did not want to arouse suspicions in their school nor to raise alarms about the seemingly odd group going. Since unattached straight men are usually not invited on trips with women whom they are not seeing intimately. Nor was it at all usual that his older sister was going. However none of them were bothered by this, all of them knew each other too well for that. Sometimes the assumptions of others are off base. In this case though expectations would indeed conflict with reality.

When Friday night of the next weekend came Victor hugged his parents goodbye before descending the steps of the house to the waiting car below. Priya and his friend Paul were in front and Victor got in the back with his small backpack. His parents warned him to be aware of bears and be careful one last time and then they waved the small group off. It was not three blocks before they dropped off Paul and changed the GPS to the coordinates of his sister’s school. It would be an hour before they even got there and then another three to the cabin. It would be a remote place for certain and cold this time of year, there would likely be frost. Eventually they reached the apartment near his sister’s campus. The sun was beginning to set and the sky had turned a variety of beautiful and fiery colors. They would soon be in wild lands. They called and waited and in a few minutes Anna appeared closing the door with grace and nearly bounding down the steps with a smile on her pale face. She dropped her bag into the trunk and then took her place in the back seat. Pleasantries were exchanged and short laughs were had.

The group set off in the now near darkness. Victor was having one of the most pleasant times that he could remember as they chatted in the car and share old memories. Priya and Anna having many to share themselves with Anna being like an older sister to Priya as well in many ways. Priya was the oldest in her house too and of course was often in need of advice when she was younger, about boys, makeup, or the life in Canada her parents were reticent to teach her off. They knew each other well and their friendship had grown from a the role of mentor and student to a more genuine and equal footing.

It was past nine when they arrived at side road leading down a path which terminated in a large packed earth parking lot and a small set of beautiful and carefully made wooden buildings with a set of four small cabins. Priya steered the care to the left into the parking lot and then up to the main building. Stopping the car she turns the keys and stops the engine.

“I’ll just be a few minutes, I need to check us in and get the keys before we can go the cabin” Priya anounced with a small smile before opening the door and departing into the cold night.

“So in all seriousness, Anna, what prompted this trip?” Asked victor.

“In all seriousness I just felt the need to get away. We just had a round of exams and I wanted to let off some stress and see people I knew well. We all need comfort.

“That is true. I actually came along partly to see you, we haven’t talked in a while and I am sorry for that.”

“It’s ok, I am sure you are busy at school. Have you met any girls?”

“I know them all at this point I think. I really only talk to Priya.”

“Do you still mostly hang out with Paul, Kendrick, and Mit?”

“For the most part yes.”

“How are things with you and Vanessa, are you still fighting?”

“No, we patched...”

The car door opens interrupting and Priya returns with the keys.

“I’m back it’s cabin number four.” She presents the cabin key before starting the car and then engaging it. She backs out of the parking space and drive parallel to large main building before making a left and then a right and parking in front of raised wooden cabin with small windows and a propane tank beside it.

“We’re here she announces and turns off the car. The group exits, each stretching upon their immediate exit. Priya and Victor walk around to the trunk while Anna grabs her articles from the seat beside her in the rear of the car. Finished with unloading the group climbs the stairs and approaches a beautifully finished door made of thick planks of wood.

“I can’t believe we got this for such a price” Victor muses.

Priya unlocks the door and they enter the cabin. It is a cozy space but more than suitable for four and lightly decorated with the beauty and finish of the construction materials playing the main role in the aesthetic. There is a small wood stove on one side and s small gas stove next to it giving choice to the renters. On each side of the main room are two sets of beds with bunk pressed against the wall on the right where the wood stove allows more room. Past the gas stove on the left is a small bathroom with a toilet sink and shower. The general amenities of civilization all seem present in the small retreat. It’s warm inside as the heat was left on for them. They pick their beds and with the ample choice there is no difficulty, the women choose the beds on the left and Victor picks the right. They each take their turns bathing and changing into night clothes and Priya turns up the heat to allow for the light bedclothes she packed.

A bottle of wine is opened and shared among them while they talk of old times and laugh while reminiscing. They talk about the time Priya developed a deep crush on her math teacher. They talk about Victor’s infatuation with skateboarding when he was younger and his broken ankle. They finish with more pleasant stories as they finish the bottle and then brush their teeth and turn in to sleep. They all sleep soundly after being thoroughly exhausted by the day and the enjoyment of each other’s company. They awake in the morning and Priya announced that there is a free breakfast the first day. So they dress in the bathroom and depart to the main building, walking down the bumpy earthen path and ascend the flight of stairs opening the main door. A young woman in her twenties with a plump frame attends the desk. Priya talks to her and hands her some papers and the young woman directs them to the left hand hallways. They walk up a short amount of stair and see two rooms. Priya indicated that they should head to the send and they do. She claims they should be seated and make small talk while they wait. Suddenly they are interrupted by three women.

“Is this the one one?” A tall and strongly featured woman asks them.

“Yes it’s him. Victor my little brother.” Anna answers smiling from ear to ear. One of the women makes a note on a small clipboard.

“What is this?” asked the poor, confused victor.

“It’s just something we arranged for you.” said Priya with a smile.

“I don’t understand, is this like an intervention? You both know I never do anything.”

“We know Vic. But this isn’t about that, imagine it as a different kind of intervention. You see we both know the lessons you got from mom and dad growing up and we think that a bit of modernity might help you. It might help you loose your virginity too.”

“You tokd her?” Victor turns to Priya with a hurt expression.

“I knew Victor.” Anna assures him

“pleasure just trust us.”Priya assures him and places her hand on his shoulder.

“Is this a brothel did you hire a prostitute for me.” Victor asks.

Priya laughs and shakes her head at him and Anna smiles knowingly. The other women seem to be amused as well and one lets out a small giggle.

“No it’s not that.” Priya assures him.

“Just trust us. It’s more of a workshop on social skills” Anna assures him.

“Alright I’ll trust you for now.” Victor says, still nervous.

“Don’t worry your sister is mostly right.” The lead woman in the group assures him.

“Besides we have the car keys until tomorrow evening so why don’t you follow us?” She adds and turns to leave the room. Priya and Anna stand immediately to follow. Victor is reticent at first but Anna and Priya pull reassuringly on his arms and soon he stands and begins to follow.

The end of part one.

[potatosoldier]

Are you still there?

/ Part 3 /

Later in the chapter, the medic names are made up from the fact that what names were common!

The following morning was interesting indeed. Lewis had been very productive and gotten me PT gear and my WAC dress greens, which included a hobby jacket, “garrison” cap and a pretty skirt. I was extremely grateful, until he gave me my OD’s, which of course were made for men. The issue of being unhappy didn’t come to place until he saw me in them. And he laughed so loud it startled the men who wear near our barrack. 

“Oh my, my, you look like you’re gonna spread your wings and take off like a flying squirrel”, he snorts coming over to me and playfully flaps the sides of my jacket. I look at him very unimpressed, and then quickly slap his hands away. But then sigh. “I should’ve kept the skirt”, I giggle. But all in all it isn’t so bad, I have my medics patch and good pants. They are a little tight on the hips, but nothing unbearable. 

And off we went, him escorting me to my first field exercise with Herbert Sobel. Oh boy. 

------------------

“Nurse Winters, what is the meaning of this, you look more unpresentable then any of these men!” 

The screaming of Sobel starts straight away as I stand with the men from the second platoon. “No excuse, sir”I say knowing he was commenting on my jacket. He looks ready to snarl, once again. “I’ll let you off, since you are only a woman after all, find a belt for tomorrow, or I will have to find an adequate punishment.” I just look ahead my eyes cold, so that’s how it is. “yes, sir.”

I feel like he assigned me with the second platoon just to torture my husband. And me. He was in for a surprise, if there was one thing me and Dick would not waver from, that was our duty. 

-------------------

I quickly started learning that I already had some knowledge to the matters we were going through. Enough for me at least. My main job for now was keep up with the men and when needed, have a plan on how to transport the “wounded” and if that was not possible, how to make a good long term plan for their health and the stamina and safety of the other men. 

I was thinking and whispering with Eugene Roe as two of our men: Joe Toye and “Popeye” Wynn were “wounded”. Joe had a shoulder wound and Popeye had an upper thigh wound. Both we’re now patched up with Popeye having a syrette tied to his jacket. 

“We have to take one man off the line, to help Popeye near the Jeep, and once we drag Joe far enough he can start walking. One of us has to stay here, in case there comes an urgent need for a medic”, I whisper. 

Roe looks at me little uncertain, but nods. “We’re gonna need to call the jeep towards the edge of the woods, but still near enough, we can’t wait too much, since Popeye’s wound is a heavy bleeder”, he backs up with his Louisiana drawl. 

We report our plan, and luckily, we get the knowledge that we just saved more than two men, we the good decision of one of staying near the line. 

“But Winters, Roe, next time call for back up, we need all the good men in the line, when someone needs to be carried, try and get help along with the jeep. Even if it feels obvious, remember clear orders”, Dick says nodding as he looks over our work. 

I feel pride swell up in my chest, not because we did surprisingly well, but because I got good objective critique. Learn, Sonja, learn everything you can. 

--------------------

When the maneuver is over,  everyone looks more or less annoyed. Sobel turned out to be the epitome of good in theory, terrible in practice. My thighs were also on fire, even if I had good physical training, the crouched running in high speed for surprisingly long distances is rough. 

“So, how does it feel now?”, Skip asks as we sit together to eat. I was once again chatting with Skip. It felt good to have people who actually reacted well to my arrival. 

Joe was apprehensive still, but yesterday when we talked, he realized that I was just a proper farm girl from Minnesota. Nothing fancy even I used pretty words, I was just a curious soul. 

I shrug: “I was scared it was going to be worse, with all you told me yesterday. Apart from the reprimands I got for my height and lack of muscle tone, I feel like I got very just treatment”, I smile and take a mouthful of the food on my plate. 

Skip snorts and looks at me like I had gone crazy. “The man screamed at you, because you aren’t able to carry a man thrice your size, but instead you dragged him, come on “, he shakes his head. I shrug once again. 

“I’m here to do a duty, I’m assigned with you because I was deemed fit, and if I want to be fit enough I have to work for it. He cannot let me off”, I explain my side. Sobel had yes screamed at me for dragging Denver Randleman when he was wounded, but Christ I was happy I was even able to move him. I knew I should do better, but for now I just need to work harder. 

Bill shakes his head : “You’re a fucking skirt, ain’t no man carrying Bull from this company either” And continues to shovel down his food. 

Skip grins at me. “you see Nurse Winters, we fight your corner, even if you are green and weak”. I glare at him playfully. I know that’s what most of the men thought, but Skip was not one of them. He really had been there for me today on the field. Him and Penkala. If I did something wrong, they quickly did something to make me correct it. 

But when it comes to others, it had been a tough day. Joe Liebgott was constantly on my neck, I heard the way he spoke about me, I heard the way him and some of his friends said I did not deserve my place here. In all honesty, I couldn’t blame him. I was a woman, it was easy for them to think that I was just some hussy who crawled up the right thigh. I needed to deserve my place here, i needed them to see that I was more then just big doe eyes and pinned up hair. 

“What will you do when we are jump training?”, he asks suddenly. I was not jumping into Normandy, so I was not taken in for the parachute training. I swallow quickly and answer: “I’ll be doing PT or then preparing at the hospital. I cannot believe how big that hospital is, it truly is wonder”

Skip smiles at my happiness. It was easy for me to talk to him like this. One-on-one. I was still too nervous to open my mouth when I was in the middle of all the men. “You really like helping people, huh”,he chuckles. 

I nod and continue eating quietly.

------------------

Couple weeks later, I was a new woman. I knew my routine and I was dedicated to make it perfect. I still had very few friends, but they all seemed to have accepted my presence at least. Skip was still my safety blanket among the men. Me and Richard had made the decision of being very chaste and professional, even in private. Lewis decided it was a good reason to tease us for being the epitome of purity, but we saw it as a fair and responsible thing to do. 

The men did not know about him being my husband either, for the record the army had so many people with the same name, that it was not surprising that they didn’t even suspect it. Although it was harder and harder for me every day to hear one nameless sergeant keep pestering people about my husbands calm and correct ways. 

Today was my day, well it was a field exercise designed for medics. Many simulated casualties so that we could practice our bandaging, improvising and so forth. 

“Come on, I’m wounded plant me just a little one”, George tried pursing his lips as I bandaged his leg, making a improvised splint. I shake my head and bring two of my fingers first onto my lips then plant them on his. 

“There you go”, I say as I finish the bandage. He looks at me in mock horror, “You just put your dirty fingers into my mouth!”, he gasps. I roll my eyes smiling. 

“I put them on your mouth, you’re wounded, you have bigger worries”, I reason and look at him like a mother would look at a misbehaved child. He just mouths words mockingly and pats my head like I was his best dog to torture. 

Then what I see next makes me freeze, some of the medics truly sedating Sobel. Oh Christ no. I stand up and job over to them. “What do you think you are doing?”, I ask sharply at the two medics, Webb and Jackson, who are now trying to pull down Herbert’s pants. 

“Fuck of broad”, they snort and try to keep going. I purse my lips and kneel next to them. “I may be a nurse, but I am a part of this company. You are risking this mans health, which goes against every vow you’ve made. You may think I am just an ignorant woman, who wants to play a soldier, but I’m here to do my job. You might not care about him, but this is not the way to go”, I quietly advice them. 

They look at me raising their eyebrows as if they had to care what I’m saying. Webb then shakes his head and snorts grasping the front of my collar to bring me closer. 

“Oi, hands off the lady Webb!”, comes a raspy voice. Behind us comes Joe Toye with a makeshift sling. Webb doesn’t move at first not thinking Joe could be series. 

But once Joe stands behind us and growls “What did I just say?”, the hand comes off right away. “Nurse Winters had the balls to tell you off. I don’t care the fuck you are doing to that on the floor, but you ain’t disrespecting her”, he says seriously while looking at Webb and Jackson both. 

“Sorry Winters”, they both mumble. I sigh and stand shaking my head. “Just don’t hurt him”, I whisper and go to help with the evacuating. 

Joe stops me before I can go. I smile at him tenderly “Thanks for that Joe, it means a lot.” He shakes his head and one corner of his mouth raises up: “Just fighting for your corner, Bambi” 

I walk to the litters with a smile on my face. The nickname is ridiculous, but hey, I was finally fitting in. 

--------------------

“So no one reported?”, Nixon asks as we sit on our bunks. I shake my head: “Nope, I tried to tell them off Lew I really did”, I sigh and look at my hands. 

He chuckles: “Don’t say that anywhere else, they’ll ask you to identify”. The door opens and Dick steps in. Straight from the latrines. I smile at him in my PT gear. It felt nice, the shorts. I was not really a fan of anything restricting me from the waist down. Oh no Sonja, do not phrase things like that ever again. 

He smiles at me too and then does something surprising, he walks over to me and lays a kiss on my forehead. “You really impressed the men yesterday, I heard what you did”, he whispers. I shrug, it was nothing he wouldn’t have done. 

“Wanna plant one on me just as congrats?”, I ask in a tender whisper. He chuckles and gives me a sound kiss. I grin widely and take a look at my book Seitsemän veljestä. The Seven brothers, a Finnish novel. My brother send it to me one Christmas. Now the spine looked torn, Sobel had had his fun looking at it while throwing our things all over the place. When I saw the state of my books I almost cried. Luckily one of the soldiers from F-company, David was his name, was able to tell me where to get some cheap books. 

“You sicken me you know, ever since she came in you’ve become a freaking dog”, Lewis throws from his bed. Dick once again rolls his eyes and starts to neatly fold his clothing. “She is my wife, Nix. And we have been perfectly professional, you of all people know that”, he grunts taking his boots off. 

Nix chuckles, the sound a strange thing on it’s own. “I hit a nerve”, he sings and happily plops down once again.

And once again thank you @iilovemusic12us ❤️

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

after Elise the knight wins a jousting tournament, she is approached by the prince, Nova, while he is astride his black stallion. dismounting, he kneels to her, kisses her hand, and declares that he is in love with her.

So first off, I kept their names generic (the knight and the prince) because my brain needs everything on my blog to be somewhat similar. But I did keep physical appearances just how you messaged me.

Secondly, this whole piece is not edited and is full of cheesy dialouge.

Third, I started writing this before this very particular scene. I hope you like it!

Warnings: weaponry (is that a word?), cut by a sword, jousting tournament

~

"This is absurd," the prince exclaimed as he walked his horse, a stunning black Friesian stallion, through the murky woods.

The event of plodding through the forest wasn't the "absurd" part the prince was so adamant about proclaiming. It was the fact that a knight, a woman knight to be exact, was leading his horse as she rode astride her mare- a shimmering chestnut colored Arab with the temperament of a feisty toddler.

"What is absurd is the fact that you rode that horse, not one of the steeds equipped for endurance, for a ride of distance," the knight, fair in stature with long blonde hair and icy blue eyes, retorted as she clucked her horse along.

Friesians, as dashing as they were, did not have the physical ability to go on long treks. Arabs, skinnier by far- the knight hated the size difference between the bold stallion and the petite mare- were the proper mount; given the occasion.

"I have a parade when I get into Neighboring Kingdom's citadel," the prince replied, unfased by the knight's blatant voice. "Riding one of my otherwise less glamorous horses would be unsuitable."

"You expect you joust in this thing?" The knight gestured towards the stallion.

"Yes I do."

"I think you expect to lose," the knight rolled her eyes.

The pair came upon a beaten down path. Horsetracks and wheel-marks indented the ground, making it seem like a plow paved it then a boulder rolled across. The knight tossed the reins back to her sire. The useless horse would be able to plod across a path. It wasn't like they were in the middle of the woods, having to watch for holes and omnious roots as trip hazards.

Her mare obviously took the lead, her neck stretched out, ears pointed forward as she viewed every tree and every stump with inquisitive curiosity. The bridle she wore, a nice black one was a jeweled browband that stretched down to a cowlick in the center of her forehead. The bit, a simple one, not too harsh for the mare's sensitive mouth, was made of the finest metal. A martingale, ornated with the finest blue and white jewels that matched the browbane, stretched from the bridle to the girth underneath the tiny horse's stomach.

The saddle was much more simple. It was, by all means, meant for speed. Not so much for fighting, but she still wore a scabbard with a fancy sword.

"The warrior who I am fighting is the kingdom's strongest knight," the prince said, desperate to start coversing with the elegant, if not glamourous lady.

"So is it even worth this journey?"

"Indeed." The prince wanted to say more, but that would make it seem like he was pushing it. After all, he didn't want to annoy the knight- that wouldn't be a good way to foster a relationship.

After a couple hours of sparse conversation and making forks in the road, the pair came upon a small village nestled into the base of a mountain.

"We shall stop here," the knight said, her voice full of undeniable tiredness.

The prince, on the other hand, preferred to keep on going. They could just an hour's travel in then camp in the woods, under a willow tree... if the environment proved loyal, he could also find some holly and string it over the campfire...

"Sire?"

"Wha- ah yes, stopping here will be beneficial."

"Beneficial?"

"Yes, for sleep and food." Did he just embarrass himself?

"Mm."

The village was still in the prince's kingdom, though on the border. Some may argue against that territorial arrangement, but the small town's people waved the black and blue flag of the prince's kingdom.

The chorus of excited outbursts and anxious ramblings was the first noise that the prince and knight heard, even before the placid bleat of the sheep and the moo of the vast heards of cattle.

"The prince is here!"

"Tell the elders that the prince arrived!"

"Prepare a room!"

The prince trotted his horse forward, the long silkly feathers on its hooves brushing the ground in elegant fashion. The knight's Arab nodded her head and crow-hopped, putting up a fit that the lady riding was not a fan of.

"Knock it off," she growled, pushing her hands forward whenever the mare would rear so she wouldn't pull on her tender mouth.

The Friesian and blue haired prince greeted the oncoming crowd with arrogant waves and smiles. The knight dismounted the hot headed chestnut horse and led her through the city. She would have to find a cottage, a shed at best, to rest before finishing the trek the next day.

She strolled through the village, whispering soft words to her horse and scratching its long ears.

After much judging and contemplation, the knight walked up to an isolated house. It had a shed with hay and a water trough, so it would accommodate the mare's needs as well. Before even knocking on the wooden door, she allowed her horse to drink.

A small girl made her appearance, her eyes widening in suprise before rushing off, calling for "father".

A man came along next, armed with a sword. The knight did not unsheath her weapon, but stood next to the scabbard just in case.

"What are you doing here knight?"

"Passing through sir."

"By yourself?"

"The prince is with me. Now, if I may, could I sleep inside this shed tonight?"

"No member of the palace is welcome here."

That is unfortunate...

"Well sir, we had a long day, at least let my mount drink."

The man raised his sword and stepped forward. "Leave," he grunted.

The knight, not wishing to start something, gathered the reins and swung into the saddle with ease.

"Good day," she said as proceeded to walk away, but at the last moment, a blade slit her thigh.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, drawing her sword. The mare, jittery with excitement at the sight of the dazzling weapon, spun around quickly. Her ears pricked forward, awaiting further comands.

"You do not strike an officer of the king and a personal bodyguard of the prince," she spoke her well-rehearsed words in a slight accent, habit from all the times she mocked the statement in the mirror.

"Leave my property," the man warned. The knight lowered her sword slightly, but did not move.

"Sir, I don't want to start anything, but if I must..." I also don't want to show submission, she thought to herself, but kept that hidden in her cognitive sayings.

"My knight!" Came a roaring voice just as the two metals were about to collide. The knight backed her horse up briskly to avoid any harm to the skinny face.

"My prince," the knight lowered herself into an awkward bow.

"Is this man troubling you?"

"Nothing more than I can't handle," the knight replied, sheathing her sword. The man, a strangly thing with a coarse brown beard, and beady eyes, still held his own weapon high- ready to fight for whatever reason.

"Back off," the prince wielded his horse around and clucked him into a threatening rear. The seventeen hand-high stallion towered over the man who scurried into the safety of his cottage.

"I could've handled it," the knight said as the prince looked at her.

"I know, but sometimes allow me to be a gentleman," he teased, his eyes searching the cut on the knight's leg. "Are you okay?"

"It's just a scratch, I had worse."

"Get it cleaned."

The knight didn't reply, she just asked for a walk and started to stroll down the desolate street- the civilians must've fled with the brief commotion started.

"Come with me!" The prince called, but the knight kept walking. She didn't want her sire to rub it in that he saved her- not that she needed it. Heck, she could've finished the man right there and then if the oh so lovely prince did not interfere.

The next morning, the pair was even more silent then normal. The knight rode a good few strides ahead of the prince, not even reacting to his petty complaints.

The Neighboring Kingdom where the prince was to joust was only a morning's ride away. The tournament was in the afternoon and the next day where princes and lords were to fight until there was only one victor.

The prince was, by all means, the best at jousting- actually anything on horseback, not that the knight would admit it. He won the first five within one pass and then he was done for the day. The next day would be the championship to determine the winner.

And the new Champion.

Oddly enough, the two competitors were the prince and the prince from the kingdom in which they were competing.

The two lined up their horses on opposite ends of the arena and held their lances steadfast. The Friesian was rearing, just like the other's gray horse was prancing about.

The bell rang.

The two kicked their horses into a gallop, rushing at the other with lances high in the air. The Other Prince leveled his at the prince's neck and...

He dodged, ducked clear out of sight.

They lined up again.

Ding!!

The horse's hooves clawed at the air as they races towards one another. The lances leveled, the horses sped up (the knight was mildly impressed at the Friesian's ability to perform).

This time, the prince was able to knock his for off his horse. He clattered onto the ground, armor striking hard soil.

Cheers rallied in the crowd, apart from a few jeering remarks about "unfairness" and "cheating".

The prince took his praise proudly, and the knight found herself clapping alone with the audience. That was until the prince cantered up to her, dismounted...

"My knight," he purred, taking her hand and kissing it politely. He knelt down onto one knee.

"Will you marry me?" He asked.

"No."

[waywardnerd67]

Starving Affection

Summary: It had been five years since (Y/N) had any physical contact with another person. When she starts talking with a man online who reads her fanfics, a battle of her  mind and body begins. When the time comes to meet him, she finds that there are still decent human beings in the world.  Characters: Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Sami (OFC), Plus Size!Reader Pairing: Jensen x Plus Size!Reader Warnings: Angst/Fluff/Smut/Body Image Distortion Word Count: 9256 A/N: Again, me working through my feels. Thank you for allowing me to do so.

My chest tightened. Jaw clenched until my teeth hurt. My body rigid and frozen as panic flowed through my veins. The overly friendly, new teacher had her arms outstretched towards me. If I had been a normal person, I would gladly hold my arms out as well embracing her kindness and affection.

I was not normal.

“Hey Katy!” My partner teacher and best friend, Sami, headed her off by stepping in front of me and taking the hit of affection.

There was a special place in Heaven for Sami and if not, I would fight God themselves to make it so. I could see Sami whispering to Katy and a nod of acknowledgement told me I would not have to worry about her advancements again.

“Sorry (Y/N), I didn’t know you weren’t a hugger. How about a high five?” Her sweet gesture had my trembling hand stretching out to her as she quickly slapped it with her own.

Only Sami could see my flinch from the physical touch of someone. Everyone else summed it up to my quirky personality and weird aversion to being touched. Thankfully our English department meeting was over and I could escape to the safe haven of my car. Sami was close behind me waving goodbye to everyone.

I bumped my shoulder to hers as she was the only one I had no problem with minor touching, “Thank you for taking that hug for me.”

She laughed, “You’re lucky I’m a friendly and huggy person. Hey, I meant to ask you before school today, but how is counseling going?”

I cringed, averting my gaze from her, “It’s… going fine.”

She stopped me with a tap on my shoulder, “The truth, please.”

I sighed as my shoulders slumped in defeat, “I stopped going,” I saw the incoming assault in her narrowing sky colored eyes.

“(Y/N)! You were making such good progress with this counselor. I was even able to give you a one arm hug.” The disappointment in her voice weighed my shoulders down even more.

I leaned against my car pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie, “I know, I know. She had me go to one of her support groups and everyone had to hug someone. I… I just couldn’t. I tried three or four times going to the group and I failed every time.”

My eyes fell to the ground, disgust filling my mind, “Yes, you really are as pathetic as you’re sounding.” My inner voice snarked.

I heard Sami sigh, “It’s okay. We can work through it together. We can keep doing everything you liked from her and work at your pace.”

Looking up, I forced my lips into a small smile to appease my only real life friend, “That sounds good. Thanks Sami for putting up with me.”

I made my way home to a small ranch style home that was off the beaten path. My grandparents had left it to me knowing I would love the seclusion of it. It was my Fortress of Solitude. The only living thing, other than Sami, to be able to snuggle with me was Charlie the cat. The copper Main Coon was sitting by the door awaiting my arrival.

My evenings were always the same. Check in with my mom for an hour on the phone. Make or order dinner, which tonight was ordering pizza for the leftovers tomorrow. Turning on my favorite TV show, Supernatural, on Netflix and working on one of my millions of fanfics.

“Yes, stay in complete denial by hiding in your fantasy worlds and falling in love with fictional characters. Loser.”

I pushed my inner thoughts to the very back of my mind and focused on my current series I was writing. Pulling up Tumblr, I looked in my notifications seeing someone binge reading my masterlist. My heart always swelled with joy whenever someone took the time to read my writings. This person was also leaving feedback as well.

“ChevyMan67: I love this version of Dean! You truly have captured his personality and sarcasm.”

“ChevyMan67: I can’t get enough of this series! Please tell me there is more to come. I need to know if Dean finally falls in love and gets his apple pie life.”

I read through every comment and looked at every GIF the reader posted. I hit follow on his blog then took a few screenshots from my activity page, pulling up a blank post adding the pictures.

“Thank you to @ChevyMan67 for binging my stories! Your feedback means everything to me!”

As soon as I posted it there was a notification of a reblog from him. He posted a GIF of Dean screaming with #Fangirling flashing underneath. My cheeks ached from the unusual tension of a genuine smile spreading across my face.

Online I could be anyone I wanted. I would virtual hug and blow kisses at my friends. I was able to be more like the woman I was. Social, happy, carefree, open to others. I could be the woman I desperately wanted to be but my mind would not allow.

“Stay guarded. Remember what happened when you trusted him? Trusted his family? Never again. You promised never again.”

My indeed guard held the line at the gate of my mind. She stood in full armor and shield ready to throw off anyone that even attempted to break through to the part of me that desired to be a whole person again. I shook my head with a firm nod and reaffirmed my promise to myself to never let anyone that close to me again.

As I was closing down her computer for the evening, a ding caught my attention as a message came from Tumblr. Opening the window, I saw a DM from my newest follower.

“Hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for following me. Apparently I’m a rarity on here for being male and a fan of Supernatural. I truly love all your writings and can’t wait to read more. Hopefully, we can get to know each other better and become friends. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone. Message me any time. Goodnight.”

I re-read the message several times before closing my computer. Sure I had people message me for small talk and a few close friends I had on there. This felt different. Something deep within me sparked and I did not know how to react. There was only one person I knew I could go to and her reaction was more frightening than the thought of responding to ChevyMan67. That night was the first of many restless nights for me.

A week later, I finally sat down and responded to him.

“Hey, I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. I’m… well, I’m not used to talking to guys here. I think it’s great that you’re on here and reading, BTW. I’m working on a few pieces right now, maybe you could beta for me if you have time. I hope we can be friends as well. Have a good weekend!”

I was nearly hyperventilating when I hit enter sending the message. I tried to work on my newest one shot story and ignore my anxious heart awaiting for the ding. It was not until I was in bed watching my favorite episode of Supernatural that my phone chimed.

“Tumblr: Message from ChevyMan67”

My finger hovered for a moment before opening the app. The message opened and I let out a air I had been holding in my chest.

“No worries. Everyone is busy and has their “real life” to attend too. I work odd hours and days all the time so I get it. I would LOVE to beta for you!!!! Reading your work before it’s posted online? HELL YEAH! I feel honored you asked and I’m fanboying hard right now. Crap… that sounded… I mean. Sorry lol. You can send your fics to ChevyMan67@gmail.com. Looking forward to hearing from you again.”

Over the next six months, Ross and I talked throughout our days getting to know one another. Three month into Tumblr messenger and dumb updates, he gave me his cell number to text one another. At times, I would have to catch myself from laughing while my students took a test. Everyone around me started to notice the small changes in me. Smiling more, talking more and one student commented on me wearing bright colors.

“You look good in yellow Miss (Y/L/N).”

However it was Sami who demanded to know all about the changes going on with me. We sat at our favorite restaurant, the first round of drinks being set in front of us. After the waiter took our order, Sami began her interrogation.

“Tell. Me. Everything. You’ve been keeping me at bay and I’ve respected your space, but you have seemingly blossomed in the last few months. Spill.”

I bit my lower lip as my phone sounded with an all to familiar chime. I went to grab my phone when Sami placed her hand over it, “Me first. Tumblr second.”

“It’s not Tumblr. Let me reply to him and then I will tell you everything.” I dared to look up to see my best friend’s face frozen in shock.

Her eyes wide and mouth gaping, “Him?!”

I nodded reading Ross’s message, “Hey I know you’re out with Sami and going to tell her about little ole me. I just wanted to make sure you were still thinking about what I asked last night. Can’t wait to hear from you soon. Not now though, have fun with Sami.”

I smiled, locking my phone and putting it in my purse looking back to my ridiculously happy friend, “His name is Ross.”

There was a loud, attention grabbing squeal from her as I shushed her, “Leave out no details…” she rested her perfect chin on her folded hands.

I told her all about Ross and how we began talking. I told her everything I knew about him and what he knew about me. Finally, as our food came out and drinks were refilled, I told her about what he had dropped on me the previous night.

“He asked me to meet him at the Supernatural Convention in Dallas next month. He already has the passes paid for and a few photo ops that we could share.” My heart raced at the thought of meeting Ross and meeting my favorite celebrities all at the same time.

Sami’s smile faded slightly, “Does he know about your struggles with being touched?”

I nodded, “It was one of the first personal things I told him. He’s still talking to me so I took that as a frightening good sign.”

“What are you feeling?” her point blank question shook me for a moment.

My fingers drummed against the table, “I’m nervous, scared, anxious…” I paused for a moment before looking up at her with a smile.

“I’m also excited, hopeful and curious.”

Sami held out her hands to me, palms up and I hesitantly placed my hands in hers. It was something we had been working on for the last couple of months. This was the first time I allowed her to squeeze my hands.

“You really like him.” She whispered smiling like a fool.

I felt my own smile mirroring hers, “Yes I do and that scares me shitless.”

The rest of the evening felt like the old days before my life fell apart. When I got home, I decided to test my luck. Pulling up Ross’s number, my thumb hovered over it until I smashed it hearing it ringing.

“Well hello, this is a surprise.” His velvety smooth voice sent shivers down my body, “Take a deep breath and know it’s okay if you hang up to just text me.”

“N-No, I’ll be okay.” I stammered as he let out a low chuckle.

I could hear him moving away from other voices around him, “I interrupted something…” Guilt and shame weighing my shoulders down.

“Not at all. They can wait, you calling me is an important moment. Not everyday, I get to speak to my favorite writer on the phone.” His compliments calmed my queasy stomach, “Could I be so hopeful that this phone call is working up to a good answer?”

I took a deep breath in and let out slowly, “Yes.” The word seems foregin to her as it left my lips.

“Yes I can be hopeful or yes to my question?” His jovial banter eased the tension in my shoulders.

“Yes.” I tried to sound a little more confident, my heart beating against my chest.

There was a moment of silence before loud cheering and yelling came through her speaker. His excitement was silenced by my own unfamiliar laughter. Suddenly I was hyper aware that he was no longer making any noises. Panic and fear swelling inside me.

A soft sigh came from him, “You have a beautiful laugh. I can’t wait to hear it again.”

My cheeks burned, “Thank you.”

Ross told me he would send all the details for our trip and that I was not to worry about money of any kind. Mentally, I began planning out how to save as much money as I could in the next four weeks. Thankfully, my savings was built up enough to take a small hit and not dip into her emergency fund. Over the next several weeks, I began to prepare for my first convention, first time meeting an online friend, first time traveling by myself, first time facing the unknown in five years.

The morning of my travel day, I went over to Sami’s house with Charlie. I was surprised to see her sister sitting there. She waved to me before taking Charlie’s crate.

“What’s going on?” I looked around seeing Sami’s suitcase packed by the door.

She smiled, “Your friend Ross, reached out to me.”

The color from my face drained for a moment, “H-He did… How?”

“He found me on your Instagram page. DM me asking me to join you on your trip. Stating and I quote, ‘I know you being there with (Y/N) will make her more comfortable. I want this weekend to go as comfortably as possible for her. I know it’s a big step and I want her to be taken care of.’”

She smiled softly as my vision blurred from tears slipping down my face, “Oh… wow.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing (Y/N/N). If you were ever going to work on overcoming your touch aversion this would be the man to do it for.” Sami turned around to help her sister, leaving me to my own thoughts.

“Absolutely not! There is no way he is getting through my defenses. I have held strong for five years. Your heart and mind are safe within my holds.”

“Do you really think he’s going to want to touch you? Look at yourself. Lumpy. Chunky. Squishy. Dull (Y/C/H) hair. Boring (Y/C/E) eyes. Not even a decent pair of boobs or ass. You’re nothing special. Always remember that you’re nothing special.”

“(Y/N)? (Y/N) stop it.” Sami’s voice rang clear bringing me back to the present.

I nodded slowly, “Sorry. I zoned out.”

“Freaked out. We will work through it. Sara is gonna drive us to the airport and we have an hour to chat. Okay?”

It was in the moment that I noticed my best friend had absentmindedly placed her hand on my shoulder and I did not flinch. My eyes looked to her hand and back to her, “You’re touching my shoulder.”

“Crap, I’m so sor…” she started to say but my bright smile stopped her, “What?”

I placed my hand on top of hers, “I didn’t flinch or move or even notice you did it.”

Now her smile was matching mine and we had a moment of pure excitement jumping around each other. True to her word, we spent the hour on the plane doing some meditative exercises. I thanked every high power who would listen for my best friend getting her psychology degree.

There was a man waiting with our names on a piece of paper. He took our bags and drove us to a  hotel near where the convention was being held. Sami checked us in since there were so many people inside and my anxiety started to flare up.

Breathe in counting to six. Breathe out counting to six.

I repeated my breathing exercise until Sami returned her brow furrowed, “What is it?”

“I don’t know who Ross knows, but he must be connected in some way. We have a suite on the fourteenth floor.”

My jaw dropped slightly before I stood up bracing myself for the next hurdle of getting through the elevator ride. Luckily, there were only two other girls in the car and I could safely keep my distance from them.

“I heard that Jensen is staying at this hotel.” One mentioned as the other rolled her eyes.

“Yeah right. This is Dallas, I’m sure he’s probably staying with his family or something.”

The girls exit on the eighth floor and before the doors could close Sami and I were chuckling to ourselves. The chances of Jensen Ackles staying at this hotel would be astronomical. The car dinged for the top floor and opened to a small hallway. When we opened the door to our suite neither of us spoke.

Sami walked throughout the entire room before I could even move from the entryway, “This room is amazing! Check out the view we have (Y/N).”

“Hold on. Having a moment.” I breathed as Sami came to my side and I held my hand out, “I’m fine. Just need a moment to make sure this is real and not a dream.”

I watched as she walked over to the coffee table where there was a gift basket and she held up a small notecard, “Oh it’s real.”

“(Y/N) and Sami, I hope you love your room. Enjoy your night and order anything you want. The front desk knows it’s all on my tab. I’m hoping you both will join me for dinner tomorrow night after registration. Sadly, my job won’t let me leave before then. I look forward to meeting you both. -R PS: I highly recommend the spa and they have a large private jacuzzi just for you, (Y/N).”

Sami sighed, “I really hope he has a single brother, cousin, friend that is like him for me.”

I rolled my eyes walking over to the large windows looking out. Flashes of the last time I was in Dallas popping into my mind. I shivered as the one voice I hated yelled loudly in my ears. My hands covered them and I felt Sami tap my shoulder twice. For the first time, in several years, I reached out to her and gripped her arms.

“(Y/N) remember why we’re here. Remember talking with Ross on the phone. The tone of Ross’s voice. His laughter.” Her calm tone eased me out of the wretched memory.

She guided me over to the couch and went to get me a glass of water. I sipped it slowly before squeezing her hand, “Thank you.”

“You know, I can get used to you reaching out to me. Feels like the (Y/N) I knew coming back.” Sami squeezed my hand back before I let slip from her grasp.

She was right, the woman I once was before my ex was fighting her way to get out again. Still, my guard was up standing fortified at the gate.

That evening was a girls’ night of epic proportions. They went to the spa where (Y/N) sat in her private jacuzzi while Sami received the best massage of her life. Afterwards, we ordered our dinner from room service making moderate choices since neither of us were paying. When our food came there was a special dessert also with another note.

“A little birdy told me that your favorite dessert was French Silk pie. I wanted you to have a slice and some New York Style cheesecake for Sami. Have a wonderful night.”

Sami whistled, “Man, he has it bad for you.”

“Shut up.” I muttered lifting the dome to see a delicious slice of pie.

As they ate and talked, Sami took my phone taking pictures of them enjoying a very Sam and Dean style dinner. Sami having a Chef’s salad with honey mustard dressing. I took a picture of my dinner sending it to Ross with a text saying thank you.

“Dean would be proud! That bacon cheeseburger looks good. Enjoy!”

I smiled the entire time I ate my burger. Finishing out meals, Sami hooked up her laptop putting on Supernatural. I decided to try and work on some stories when a terrifying thought crossed my mind. I looked up to the screen as Dean began to talk. I closed my eyes listening carefully to his voice. The low tone and smoothness of it. It was the way he said the word writer that had my eyes snapping open and a gasp escaping my lips.

“What? What is it?” Sami sat up concerning filling her eyes.

Like pieces to a puzzle everything snapped into place. All the small details that would go unnoticed by someone who would never expect it. Sami tapped my shoulder and I turned to her with wide eyes.

“Ross… that’s Jensen’s middle name.” I mumbled reaching for my phone.

Sami stood up pausing the episode, “Okay… what are you getting at.”

“Listen.” I played for her the voicemail he had left a few days earlier, “Now play the episode.”

Sami’s eyes connected to her, “No way.”

“Ross is Jensen Ackles.”

That night my dreams were filled with my ex yelling at me. Fat shaming me. Calling me a loser. Calling me useless for not being able to bear children. His looming form made me coward into a ball on the floor. I woke up several times during the night, the final time close to six in the morning. Sami was peacefully sleeping on her side of the bed.

I picked up my phone going into the living area and dialing the all too familiar number. On the third ring she was going to hang up, but then his groggy voice pierced my ears.

“(Y/N), is everything alright?” All I could hear was Dean, which meant that it was truly Jensen on the other side.

“You tell me, Jensen.” I heard him sit up as I began to pace near the window.

A long sigh came from him, “I knew you would figure it out before meeting me.”

I scoffed, “Is this some kind of celebrity joke or prank? Pretend to be someone’s friend and embarrass them when they meet you.”

My guard was shaking her head muttering, “Told you so…”

“No, (Y/N) it’s nothing like that. Misha had read some of your stories and suggested I should read them. At first, I thought it would be weird because I’ve never read fanfiction before, but your writing… it drew me in.” His words came out all in one breath.

I froze, “M-Misha read my stories? Oh god…” My body burned from embarrassment.

“Honestly, there’s not a person on our crew that hasn’t read at least one of your stories. You’re talented and the way you write for the boys is amazing. Our own writer’s are impressed with your talent.”

I groaned slumping down to the floor, “This was all a mistake.” The last thing I heard before ending the call was rustling around as if Jensen was moving from his bed.

My phone slipped from my hand as tears streamed down my face. I closed my eyes allowing my inner voices to consume me. Dragging me down into the darkness.

“You fool! Here I stood guarding you from this and still you allowed someone in. You deserve what is coming to you!”

“You useless piece of nothing! You’re the biggest joke this world ever created. Fat, ugly, even your body can’t do the one basic thing god made it to do. You’re worthless. Sucking up air that could be used on someone contributing to the world. No matter what anyone says you will always be the biggest failure in this world. You. Are. Nothing.”

I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and I tightened myself into a ball, “Go away Sami.”

The tapping continued and I reached out grasping an unfamiliar hand. My eyes snapped open and were met with concerning, piercing olive eyes. The eyes I stared at for hours on my TV. The eyes I wrote about in hundreds of thousands of words online.

As soon as my eyes opened he withdrew his hand and my heart sank further into darkness, “I told you. He will never want to touch your disgusting body.” The snide voice of my inner self whispered.

“(Y/N), please hear me out. Please for five minutes just listen to my side.” He sat across from me leaving a foot of distance between us.

I nodded looking up as Sami gently touched his shoulder, “I will be just outside if you need me.”

He waited for the door to close to start talking. His large hands rubbing against his cotton covered thighs.

“I started reading your masterlist on Tumblr and couldn’t get enough of your stories. I didn’t know exactly how to work Tumblr so Misha showed me how. I noticed you don’t get a lot of notes and I wanted everyone to notice you. I started sharing your work with everyone after sending you that message.”

He paused for a moment as I fidget with the hem of my shirt, “Why did you message me?”

His smile was more radiant in person, “It’s just as I said. I loved your work and I wanted to be friends. However, the more I got to know you… the more I wanted to meet you in person. I knew that would be problematic.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” I scoffed looking down to my hands.

He inhaled a deep breath, “You connect with Dean Winchester the same way I do. To find someone like that is a once in a lifetime chance. I want someone who I can gush over Dean with because soon I won’t be hanging out with him as much and he’s the best imaginary friend I’ve ever had.”

Seeing Jensen open himself up to me was creating a battle of mind and body within me. He was just as nervous as I was to open up to someone else. Suddenly, I did not feel so alone in my isolation. My hand trembled as I reached over placing it atop of his.

“Dean Winchester saved my life and I don’t mean that figuratively. I was on the verge of leaping into darkness when I found him getting Sammy to find their dad. I found the strength to carry on because I knew that was what Dean would do. I found that being broken wasn’t a bad thing but something that could drive you to keep working. Dean helped me to feel again when I had become numb to the world around me.”

His eyes shined as I spoke trying to hold back his own tears, “I’m glad he could be there for you when you needed him the most.”

“Then you came into my life when I least expected it.” I whispered as I squeezed his hand.

My mind was screaming at me to get as far away from him as I possibly could. To call out to Sami to make him leave and move out of the state disappearing from the world. However, my body was urging me to jump into his arms. To open myself up to him as he had done with me. I felt like a spring coil ready to snap. My mind was holding my body back waiting for my consciousness to make a decision.

And she did.

I launched myself into his arms startling him as we crashed to the floor. His arms instinctively wrapped around me as mine encircled his neck. The door flew open as Sami came rushing in as Jensen’s laughter filled the room. I hugged him tighter to me as he tightened his grip around me.

“Oh my god… (Y/N), you’re hugging him.”

I did not need to open my eyes to know tears were slipping down my best friend’s cheeks. Her voice was thick with utter joy and amazement.

“Does this hug mean that you don’t hate me?” His question caught me off guard.

Jensen’s hands kept me in place as he sat up swinging my legs across his. My arms are still around his neck not wanting to lose the connection. Now that my body was against his, it flooded with the strange feeling of desire. Sami joined them on the floor sitting cross legged in front of them.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you. Though I’m still upset you lied to me.” I rested my head on my arm and against the side of his neck.

Feeling him sigh and seeing Sami grinning, I knew this was a big moment for all of us. We sat on the floor for another hour talking before Jensen had to go back to his room to get ready for the day. Neither of us wanted to let go of the other. He hugged me one last time before walking out of the suite. When I turned around I was immediately engulfed into another hug.

“I’m so proud of you!” Sami squealed.

“Thanks, I think…” My sentence drifted and she pulled away from me.

I walked back toward the bed and flopped face first onto it. I felt her crawl up on the bed beside me knowing me well enough to give me space.

“Talk it out, (Y/N). What are you feeling?”

My cheeks burned from the first feeling to pop into my head, “I feel warm, anxious, happy...” I paused gathering the courage to say the last word, “desire.”

“I’m sorry, what was that last one?” Sami eagerly asked.

I sat up, “Desire.” Saying the very word felt weird.

She began to clap and raised her hands in the air, “Praise the lord!”

“Don’t get all weird about it. I don’t know what any of this means. My body is tingling…”

Sami interrupted, “I bet it does…”

“Shut up, mostly not in that way. I don’t know how to act around other people anymore. What is too much touching? What is too little? What does a hug mean? I have too many questions and all the answers just walked out the door.”

I looked over as my phone chimed seeing a message from Ross, “I guess I need to change that now.” I murmured as I pulled up his message.

“First, thank you for trusting me with a hug. It means the world to me. I wanted to know if you wanted to have an early lunch with me? We could eat in my room or restaurant or your room with Sami. Whatever you are most comfortable with. Let me know.”

I held my phone up for Sami to read and she jumped off the bed, “You can have our room. I will go entertain myself by the pool.”

I texted him back that he could come to my room as Sami began tossing clothes out on the bed, “What are you doing?”

“Finding you the perfect outfit. Now go shower so I can play dress up with you.” She clapped her hands excitedly as I groaned loudly.

Looking in the mirror again, I pulled at the shirt clingy to every soft, round surface of my waist. I pushed my stomach watching as it bounced back into place like jello. Turning to the side, I sucked as many rolls as I could inward, holding my breath. The air rushed from my lips as a knock came from the door. Making my way towards it, I grabbed my zip-up hoodie slipping my arms in it quickly.

“Hi.” The word came out more breathlessly than I wanted.

My inner voice whispering, “Yeah fatty, let him know that walking across the room makes you lose your breath.”

“Hey there, I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and grabbed lunch for us.” Jensen held up a paper bag from a local sandwich spot.

As he walked in, I took a moment to truly admire him. He looked like a male model in his tight dark jeans, black boots, dark olive Henley and sunglasses resting on top of his unruly, sandy brown hair. His smooth voice caught my attention.

“You could take a picture and it would last longer.” He chuckled sitting down on the couch and laying out their lunch.

I sat on the opposite side of him as far away as I could. Even though my body desperately wanted to be closer to him, I kept my distance not pushing my mental capacity. He glanced over a hint of disappointment in his eyes seeing me so far away.

Jensen slid a sandwich towards me, “I remember you telling me that you love ham and swiss with tomato.”

“Thank you.” I unwrapped the sandwich and grabbed a bag of chips.

We ate in silence as a strange tension built between us. My stomach churning to the point I could no longer eat. I would look over to him out of the corner of my eye to find his eyes drifting over me. I wrapped my hoodie around me instinctively trying to hide the imperfections.

“There’s no hoodie big enough to hide your ugliness.” The familiar voice whispered.

I shook my head when I heard music playing, looking back to Jensen. He smiled sheepishly as he set his phone on the table.

“I thought maybe some background noise would help,” He stood up clearing the food from the table then stood in front of me with his hand out, “Trust me?”

His eyes were shining from the afternoon rays of sun coming from the window and his lips were spread in a gentle smile. I exhaled slowly allowing all the tension to leave my body and placed my hand in his. He pulled me up from the couch taking my hands and placing them behind his neck. His large hands slid down my sides to my hips and I flinched.

“You do know that you’re beautiful, right?” He whispered swaying my body with the music.

I shook my head, “I’m really not. Ordinary at best.”

Jensen lifted my chin, piercing (Y/C/E) meeting , “You are far from ordinary, (Y/N).”

“You’re just being kind.” I looked away as he slowly turned us in a circle.

The music continued but Jensen stopped moving, “I have so many questions but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or have you running to the hills.”

“Questions for me? Surely, you have better things to do with your time other than sitting inside with me. Don’t you have fans to entertain?” I smirked.

He chuckled, “Lucky for you, I happen to have the day off. I normally spend the day with my family. However this year they all ditched me.”

I mockingly acted shocked, “Oh no! You poor thing.”

His eyes narrowed in on me before laughing, “My mom and dad are somewhere in Spain enjoying their anniversary gift. My sister decided a girls trip with her best friends was better than hanging with me for the day. My brother is always busy with his family. You’re stuck with me.”

“I guess there’s worse ways to spend my day. Okay, ask away but I’m not promising I’ll answer them all.”

Jensen led me back to the couch, but kept ahold of my hand as we sat back down. He laced his long fingers with mine. His thumb brushing over my knuckle. I settled back against the couch once again wrapping my hoodie around me.

“What were you thinking when I put my hands on your hips earlier?”

I bit my lower lip, “I was mortified that you were touching my squish rolls of skin. I was thinking you must be disgusted by it.”

“Wow…” He squeezed my hand, “Whoever he was he really did a number on you. If I ask his name and address would you be against me and Jared beating the crap out of him?”

A genuine burst of laughter echoed in the room, “He’s really not worth it. Plus, he is much happier with his life now and that’s all that matters. He deserves to be happy.”

I was surprised to see Jensen face scrunched up in anger, “But you don’t?” He leaned in slightly, his features softening.

“No, I don’t.” The words came out without even a second thought and seeing Jensen recoil from them as if they had slapped him in the face twisted my heart.

His tongue darted out over his lips and the electrical energy between us sparked wildly, “You’re wrong. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Any man who told you otherwise is no man at all.”

He was leaning in closer, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart pounding in my ears and my body urging me to meet him in the middle. His forehead pressed against mine and his nose caressed mine.

“I’m going to kiss you.” he whispered.

“I don’t think I remember how to kiss back.” The pathetic confession was followed by a wayward tear slipping down my cheek.

His soft, full lips pressed gently against mine. My mind searched for the file within the long abandoned cabinets for how to kiss someone. He pulled away for a split second only to return his lips to mine. I found my lips pushing against his out of basic instinct. Our lips melded together for a moment before I felt him smile against mine.

His hands cupping my face, “I think it will all come back to you easier than you may think.”

I took in a deep breath letting it out in a short burst, “I think you believe in me too much for only meeting me a few hours ago.”

Jensen was still holding my face as he leaned back, “Other than Jared and Mish, I have never felt closer to anyone, but you.”

“You have your work cut out for you then,” I pointed to my head, “because it’s a nightmarish mess up in here.”

He leaned in kissing me once again, “You are worth every second of being with you because you’re stunning, smart, talented, caring and most of all you’re beautiful inside and out.”

I stared up at him speechless as my inner guard laid down her shield, “I like this one.”

“No… no one has ever said that about me. I-I don’t know what to say or how to react.” I stammered, unable to comprehend what he said.

He smiled widely, “Get used to that feeling because I’m preparing for you to feel that way a lot. Now, I don’t want to test your boundaries too much so I think we should hang out here and watch a movie.”

Jensen moved to the end of the couch resting his arm along the back of it and propping his feet on the table. For the first time in forever, there were no inner voices to keep me from doing what I desperately wanted. I moved over next to him resting my back into his side and stretching my legs out to the other end of the couch. His arm draped over the front of my chest and his fingertips brushed against my side.

This time there was no flinching and I smiled at the small victory.

The rest of the weekend was like a dream. Seeing the convention backstage, meeting all the rest of the other actors on the show and most of all Jensen’s constant touch comforted me throughout it all. Sami beaming with pride as I pushed myself to be in the crowd for the concert on Saturday. When Sunday came, I found myself riddled with sadness knowing I would have to leave this magical weekend behind.

Sami had decided to go back to the hotel while I waited for Jensen to finish his autographs. I had noticed Clif, the boys’ friend and bodyguard, staying close by me. When the last fan left the autograph room, he motioned for me to follow him. Entering the room, I found Jensen with his head down on his table while Jared and Misha were fooling around at theirs.

Walking up, I slid my hands over his shoulders and began rubbing the knots out of them. A small groan escaping his lips sent a wave of desire over my body. I moved my hands down his back eagerly wanting to hear him again.

“Hey, if you’re giving free massages away I’ll take one!” Jared called out.

Jensen’s head snapped up, “Don’t even think about it Padalecki. Her hands are too precious for your sweaty self.”

I chuckled as he stood up letting my hands drift down his back. I knew he was fit but his body was firm and lean in all the right spots. As he moved away I found my fingers stretching out to touch him again. All weekend I had found myself craving his touch. My mind was obsessively thinking about his hand in mine or my arms around his waist or his hands gripping my hips. My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I heard him chuckle.

“You okay? You kind of spaced out for a moment.”

I nodded smiling, “I’m great. Just thinking was all.”

“Well come on, you and I can grab something to eat then hang out in my room.” His arm slipped around my shoulders and instantly I relaxed into his embrace.

Dinner was unexpectedly crashed by Jared and Misha tagging along. We found a twenty-four hours diner near the hotel that was nearly empty and we all spent a few hours talking, laughing. I could not help the sadness creeping over me as the minutes passed by. Minutes I was losing to have Jensen to myself. As if he read my mind he excused us to head back to the hotel.

We walked in silence, hand in hand. Stepping into the elevator, he pulled me into his side and I wrapped my arms around his waist. His room was on the opposite end of the same hall as mine. Stepping inside, the door clicking shut as we stood across from one another. It was like a shotgun going off as Jensen closed the distance between us. His hands sliding down my body as his mouth crashed to mine.

As suddenly as it happened, it was over.

“I’m sorry… shit. (Y/N) I’m really sorry.” His pleads confused me for a moment.

Breathing heavily as he stepped back further from me I blurted out, “W-Why are you apologizing? D-Did I do something wrong?”

His dark forest eyes snapped up, “You do something… you didn’t do anything but be you, (Y/N). I just couldn’t stop myself. This weekend has been the best one in my life. Being around you, holding your hand, kissing you has rejuvenated me. I just want more of you, all of you. Simple looks you give, the way you hold yourself and the moment you open yourself up to reach out to me. I just found myself unable to hold back anymore. I know…”

This time it was me who closed the distance between us. My lips crashing into his. My hands running up his broad chest and into his soft hair. The soft moan escaping my lips as we parted.

“I want you to have me…” I whispered in between breaths, “I’m nervous with a bunch of what ifs running in my head.”

“Do you trust me?” The corner of his lip curling upward.

“Yes.”

Jensen took my hand leading me into the bedroom of his suite. He gently picked me up and sat me on the bed. He knelt in front of me, slipping my shoes from my feet then pulling my socks off. His thumbs pressing into the bottom of my feet as I began to giggle.

“Oh… now that is an amazing sound. I must hear that again.” He smirked, tickling my feet.

I fell back in a fit of giggles as Jensen’s laughter joined mine. I leaned up on my elbows looking down at Jensen resting his chin on my knee. He lifted his brows asking permission and I nodded. His hands drifted over my calves, up to my knees and over my thighs.

“You have incredible legs. I found myself staring at them as you would walk in front of me with Sami. Wondering how they would feel beneath my hands.” He gently squeezed them near my hips.

His knee pressed into the mattress between my legs as his firm body hovered over mine. My fingers brushed against the hem of his shirt pushing it up and hesitantly touching his stomach. Jensen sucked in a quick breath as his hands paused on his hips. I focused on the feeling of his smooth, warm skin beneath my fingertips. His flat stomach is surprisingly soft.  

I grasped the end of his shirt pulling it towards his head as he pulled back allowing it over his head. Taking it from my hands, he tossed it on the floor. I took in every inch of his skin from his muscles flexing to the freckles decorating it.

“You beautiful, you know that?” I did not think he heard me until I saw the smug smirk on his face.

He leaned down kissing me, “Stealing my lines, sweetheart.”

His hands went back to my hips as his lips left a trail of kisses down my neck, “You think that your softness is revolting, but I find it inviting.”

I froze as his hand pushed up into my shirt touching my stomach. I squirmed as he pushed my shirt up just under my bra. My hands threading through his hair as his lips pressed small kisses against my stomach.

“Jensen…” The tension in my tone caught his attention.

His eyes filled with worry, “Too much?”

I took a few deep breaths and shook my head, “I’m fine, promise.”

“See there you go, being brave and pushing yourself. You have no idea how sexy that is.” He murmured against my skin.

As Jensen’s mouth neared the waistband of my jeans, I tugged his hair motioning for him to come back up to her. He smiled randomly kissing spots along my body. His lips finally met mine as I slid my arms around him. His tongue swiped across my bottom lip as they parted for him. His gentleness and care to make me comfortable broke down the last existing wall of defense.

Their kiss deepened. My body burned with a need to feel Jensen’s skin against mine and to be close to him in every way physically possible. Foreign pressure began to simmer deep within me and I lifted my hips pressing them against his thigh.

He pulled away his eyes blown with passion searching mine for an answer to a silent question.

“Please… take away everything he did. I want to feel whole again.” I pleaded just above a whisper.

His lips were on mine again as he gently lifted me up further onto his bed. Sitting up, I pulled my shirt over my head holding it in front of me for a brief moment. His eyes watching my every move as I tossed it over the side. He reached behind me with one hand unclasping my bra in one swift movement.

I kissed his collarbone as he leaned in to do so, “Show off.”

He chuckled before leaning back and allowing me at my pace to unveiling my bare chest to him. I slid the straps down my arms holding it in place before playfully tossing it at him chuckling. Joking had always been my way of dealing with uncomfortable moments. When I looked up his eyes were drifting down my bare upper body.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He smirked as I rolled my eyes at him, “Seriously, (Y/N)... you’re absolutely stunning.”

He ran his hand down my chest, between my breasts and down to my jeans. He undid the button and slowly drew down the zipper. Hooking his fingers with a belt loops dragging my jeans down my legs. I shivered as the cool air hit my skin. Jensen tossed them off to the side then began to place gentle, open mouth kisses up my leg.

My breaths were coming out in small little puffs the further up my leg he got. His mouth hovered over her cotton cover mound inching closer to it. My teeth dug into my lip desperately wanting him to press them against me. Instead he kept his path up my body stopping at my breasts. He cupped the side of one running his thumb over my nipple.

A long sigh escaping my lips from just the slightest touch from him, “O-Oh… Jensen…” His mouth had gently suckled my other nipple, the pressure turning to an ache between my legs.

“You have no idea hearing my name from your lips does to me.” He softly said before circling my nipple with his tongue.

Feeling bold, I slid my hand down between us running it along the hard bulge being restrained by denim. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath dropping his head between my breasts, “Shit…”

“I believe I have some kind of an idea.” I smiled as he grinded himself against my palm.

He stood up at the edge of the bed, his intense stare making me tremble with anticipation. Leaning forward, his fingers hooked the sides of her cotton panties and pulled them down until they were on the floor.

“Exquisite, flawless, perfect.”

“As are you.” I sat up until I was sitting on the edge in front of him.

My hands trembled as I unbuttoned his jeans and carefully unzipped them. Jensen let out a soft hiss as I brushed against his length. His hands cupped my face pulling my lips to his urgently kissing me. I pushed his jeans and boxers down as far as I could before he pushed me back onto the mattress. His hand drifting down my body until his fingers pressed against my folds.

“Jensen, please…” I begged needing to feel any kind of relief from the pressure pulsating from between my legs, “Ohhh… god.”

Jensen began to rub lazy circles against my clit. My hips grinding against his hand as his lips pressed just below my ear, “Are you okay?”

His question sober me from the drunken stupor of desire and I placed my hand over his pushing down further, “More than okay.”

Jensen pushed one long finger deep inside me with a hiss, “Fuck pretty girl, your so tight.” He slowly pushed a second finger inside.

My head pressed against the mattress, my back arching as he pumped his thick fingers in me, “More, oh please Jensen, I need more.”

His pace picked up and I looked up to his face. His eyes wide and dark watching me come undone as his thumb rubbed harshly against my throbbing clit, “Jensen!” I cried out overwhelming pleasure wrecked through my body.

Breathing heavily, my body shaking slightly as he pulled his fingers from me, “Now that was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

A slow grin spread across my face as I pulled his mouth to mine. He positioned himself between my legs pulling away slightly, his lips grazing against mine.  

“Are you sure? We can stop if you want.” Jensen’s tone was tense as I felt his length resting against my folds.

I kissed him, “I need you. All of you.”

He braced himself up with one arm as his hand slipped between us. Jensen ran the swollen head along my slickness before nudging it against my entrance. The room filled with groans and heavy breaths as Jensen slowly sheathed himself within me. There was a singe of pain as I stretched taking him his thick length but quickly was replaced with immense pleasure as he thrusted gently into me.

“So. Tight.” He panted against my cheek.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him digging my heels into him. Each stroke pushing me further to the edge. Feeling every muscle straining along his back and arms. His head buried in the crook of my neck grunting almost painfully. I knew then he was holding back.

I pressed my lips to his ear, “Jensen, I won’t break. You’re making me feel incredible, but I want you to let go. Show me how I make you feel.”

A low growl rumbled from his chest as he nipped at my neck and his hips snapped against me. The echoes of our skin meeting, loving praises and the headboard against the wall filled the room. I started to meet each thrust of his, the coil within me ready to snap. His hands were gripping my shoulders holding me against his burning body. I clung to him scraping my nails against his back making him growl again.

“Shit Jensen, I’m so close. Just a little more, oh god please!” I beg as he thrusted into me feverishly small grunts coming from him, “Yes, yes, oh… Jensen!”

My whole body was shaking as an intense wave of euphoria covered me. Pulsating around him, he abandoned all control chasing his own release.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He gritted his teeth as his body went rigid before slamming into me his length twitching deep within me, “Holy shit…”

Jensen rode out his release, his arms shaking to the point he could not hold himself up anymore. I groaned as he pulled out leaving me empty. He rolled onto his back breathing heavily as I curled into his side burying my head into his chest.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” His concern only made me cling to him more.

I shook my head, “No, I’m just overwhelmed. Too many feelings at once.”

“Talk it out. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Jensen wrapped his arms around me holding me close.

I took a deep breath, “I’m feeling exhilaration, bliss, pleasure. Right now, I’m feeling empty and it’s almost like I can’t breath. I feel scared by how much I need to feel your touch.”

His fingers were drawing small circles against my bare back, “If that’s your way of asking for round two, you’re going to have to wait for a little bit. I haven’t come like that since I was a teenager.”

There was a brief moment of silence before I started to laugh. My body shaking from the laughter pouring from my lips. I kissed his chest, “Thank you.”

“You never need to thank me. It’s my honor to make you laugh. Bring your pleasure. Praise you for your beautifulness. More importantly, always holding you close to me.”

I entwined my legs with his as he pulled the sheet over our naked bodies. Just when I thought he was about to fall asleep, I slipped my hand over his soft member then pressed my lips just under his chin.

“Round two?”

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