#there are people that ive given multiple chances im not always THAT cold but its like once im sick of it im gone

[maxellminidisc]

My thing is if you're friend with people who you can't rib a lil over stupid shit they say or even more importantly, address/confront ignorant to harmful rhetoric that they come out with without them guilt tripping YOU for having principles than it's not a friendship worth cultivating imo. And same goes for them if you're a person who can't handle being checked maturely. People have told me I'm pretty cold for cutting ties with people who I've know for years like its nothing but it's like idk when someone shows you who they are, they really do feel like dead weight to me lol

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 2

@buttercandy16

(Quick summary: after leaving the sanctuary you started a new life at Alexandria trying to hide away from negan he stumbles upon you while taking half of ricks shit and takes you back to the sanctuary with him.)

Warning: angst, fighting, jealousy, mind control/brainwashing, fluff

*sanctuary*

So many things have changed here since ive been gone so many more rules negan was more strict than ever and now Simon and arat were his right hand men i had no more existence towards those positions nor did i want anything to do with his killing posse his mind was sick and twisted he wasn't the negan i use to know. I was gone for months before negan had claimed rick after some people at Alexandria had killed down some of negns men. I knew me being gone had caused way more problems than there needed to be and i know i was in deep shit....

We arrived at the sanctuary coming to a hault hearing the breaks squeak as Dwight put the truck in park and turned it off. Negan flung his door open dragging me out causing me to fall on the dirt covered ground.. my hands were tied so i had no way to brace myself.

"Cmon darlin, you're back on your own turf now" negan bent down to my eye level

"But dont think for a second you are getting special treatment.....not after what you did"

his sacastic laugh filled my ears making me shut my eyes tightly. He yanked me up by my arm dragging me to the double metal doors of the sanctuary. He kicked the doors open holding me close to make sure i didnt break free. I was pulled down one of the many hallways untill he came to a stop at a door he opened it with his free hand still having a tight grip on my arm. The room had a bed and a small kitchen in it i wasnt use to staying in these rooms because i was negans right hand woman, his bestfriend before i left so i was given alot of special treatment.

"Home sweet home" negan said throwing you face down on the bed untieing you

You could feel him leaning up against your ass while he freed your hands he then flipped you over on your back holding you down by your throat.

"I missed you....." A grin grew across his face

"...if you think im going to be another copy and paste of everyone else and drop to my knees when i see you....then you are so wrong" you struggled to get the words out breathlessly as his grip slowly tighted around your neck.

"Oh baby....i know..i like the frisky ones. You forget i know you better than you know yourself" he released his grip from you before giving you one last good squeeze causing you to choke and raise up on the bed

"You know nothing about me..." You grabbed your neck rubbing at it

"Quite frankly i dont even know who you are anymore...youre sick..." You stood up getting in his face

Negans tongue slid across his bottom lip then causing his jaw to flex letting out a long groan

"Without me....they are nothing...they all love me" he paused and let out a sarcastic laugh "....just like you without me are nothing"

"You....you are nothing but a fucking monster....lucille never deserved a man like you.." You could feel tears swelling up in your eyes you couldnt believe what had just came out of your mouth after knowing what happend in the past between you two.

All of the color drained out of negan he was furious he grabbed a fistfull of your hair yanking you up to your feet and, dragging you down the hallway your screams were echoing off the walls you were trying to grab onto something to save yourself. He opened a metal door it was dark. There were no windows the room was completely empty. Negan threw you onto the cold floor you caught yourself with your hands before your face clashed with the cold cement floor. You looked up at him through the messy strands of your hair and couldnt see his face only a dark shadow casted upon him. You knew He had no expression just a blank expression almost terrifying youve never seen him like this out of all the years youve known him you didnt even know who he was anymore and its only getting worse.

"You....are going to regret all of this...." Negan slammed the door and locked it you could hear his footsteps trail off.

"AAGHH GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. YOU FUCKING COWARD!" all you could do was scream and yell and cry you were pounding on the door untill you finally gave out and got tired enough to pass out on the floor.

You were woken up by light shinning on your face someone had opened the door and was speaking to you your head was pouding and your ears were rining from all the screaming, yelling and crying you had done from the days prior.

"Get up. Im not gonna tell you again" Dwights voice hurt your ears

"D...dwight....you have to help me" you stumbled to your feet and walked towards him

"This...this isnt negan...hes going to get us all killed we have to go save Alexandria. Please! Believe me!" Your hands were gripped on his t-shirt yanking him towards you. All he could do was stare at you he had nothing to say just a blank expression. Footsteps came appraching up the hallway towards you two... it was negan

"Wellll....rise and shine babydoll!" Negan swung his bat up over his shoulder

All you could do was glare at him no words could come out

"Time to get to work dollface"

negan held the door open for you and you walked out watching him close the door he led you outside and put you on fence duty to kill walkers for half of the day the sun was blistering feeling beads of sweat run down your face you havent had a shower in days. Negan did nothing but stand around and make orders to everyone or he would spend time fucking his multiple forced wives. It was only a matter of time before he shoved you back into that hell of a room.

You could over hear negan on the walkie talkie he was speaking to rick. It was hard to make out what the both of them were saying but i could tell it wasnt good. Negan always started conflict or maybe it just found its way to him.

"Hey....hey is that rick" you walked over cutting negan over mid conversation

"Well you better find a damn way..." the beep of the walkie talkie went off after negan finished talking

"How does it feel to be on the other side?...working for points...getting yourself all dirty out here. You lost your chances" negan slid the walkie into his belt biting his lip

" let me speak to rick so he knows im okay...please" you begged

"Rick this rick that..ya know im starting to think you are developing a little crush" negan began to walk away

You ran to catch up with him standing infront of him to stop him.

"Why are you doing this to me...dont i mean something to you. You just kick me to the dirt...I THOUGHT WE WERE A TEAM" you screamed at him

"You. Ran. Away. You live here you follow my rules at all times no exceptions! I will not tolerate anything less from you!....things are different now..." negans face grew a frown

Negan pushed past you and walked off you followed right behind him to his room he surprisingly let you in and shut the door behind him.

"I...look....Can i atleast get a shower im filthy..." You said with your arms crossed

All he could do was point over to the bathroom you sighed and walked over to the door after locked yourself in the bathroom you began to take off your clothes and run the water waiting for it to warm up when you heard a knock on the door.

" one more thing.....no locked doors" negan said in a low demanding voice

You swallowed hard and walked over to the door unlocking it hearing the lock make a quick click. Negans footseps slowly faded out as he walked away. You slipped into the shower letting the hot water run down your body watching all of the dirt trickle down the drain. The hot water relaxed you letting out a deep breath you closed your eyes letting the steam fill up the bathroom. The door quietly opened you quickly sprung your eyes open your body went stiff.

"....i layed out some clean clothes for you....i know you could use some" negan said clearing his throat

"Oh...thank you" you replied shocked

"(Y/N)....you know i uh...i still care for you...things are just...different now but im still that guy you use to know. Look..i have to go out on a run just make yourself at home" negan closed the door gently and walked away

The room went silent you your eyes were swelling up with tears it felt like you couldnt get the right words out of your mouth. You knew deep down that warm hearted negan was still there the negan that you missed the negan that use to be your bestfriend. He was buried under all this power and built up rage from before the apocalypse and now. Maybe this was going to be a new begining...a fresh start at the sanctuary.

Just maybe.

[helloniiina]

OUR BABY

Ive been sitting here for twenty minutes not knowing how to write this part of my blog. It chokes me up every time I think about it. I never told anyone this part of our story, I was ashamed. I never even told my sisters, you know, the ones you were so jealous of. I hate being vulnerable, if you made it this far I have to say, writing was always my first love, before music and art, its easier to be vulnerable in writing. You always said I sucked at feelings, I did eventually only because you would throw shit in my face about everything I would open up to you about. Personal shit, you would hold all of that over my head. So i stopped talking about feelings.....this is going to be long, grab your snacks.

I went to hang out with my best friend, I didn’t think it would be an issue. She was getting a tattoo, I made these plans ahead of time but of course it was an issue because one, it was her and two, I always had to tell you things ahead of time...okay when did i get a second dad...You said you would be with Chris at the bar in uptown, I didn’t care. He was your best friend, I was glad you were going with him. I needed a breather. You were txting me here and there, then I received a text that you were at the bar with some girl. There was no Chris. People who knew me, saw you. I didn’t say anything at first, I wanted to see how you would play it out, the lie. I was livid, I was dying on the inside. You called me saying some guys were staring you down and that Chris had your back, you guys had already made a plan if anything were to go down. I may have sucked at feelings, but you SUCKED at lying to me. Yet it was so easy for you. I wish i would’ve given the okay for them to confront you, you were already afraid. Anyway, I txt you asking who the fck you were with, that I knew you weren’t there with him. You even lied to me about the fckng bar you were at. Dipshit. In typical fashion of yours, you sent me a huge txt saying she was just a friend and that Im such an insecure person that I was the one ruining our relationship because I didn’t trust you. That my friends were nosy, they all assumed. But the fact was that YOU FUCKING LIED. YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT WHO YOU WENT WITH. Not once did you bring that up, not once did you acknowledge that part. You just turned it all on me, because you were so fucking good at that. You txt me saying you were at the movies and I needed to calm down and go home. Gawd I hate you.

At this time your loser ass didn’t have a car, I knew she would have to drop you off at home, so I went to your street and parked. I turned into that crazy girl I never wanted to be. I waited for an hour, I saw a car parked on Orange, it all clicked when i got all your messages at once because there wasn’t any reception on that stupid street. I knew you were in that car. I walked behind the car to make sure, I saw you making her laugh, leaning over kissing her face. I recognized that stupid beanie you always wore. I went to the drivers side and opened up the door. The look on that poor girls face, she had no idea wtf was happening. And you, it looked like you just shit your pants after having dairy. I asked her if she even knew you had a gf, she said she didn’t and she was so apologetic. I didn’t give a fuck about her, I didn’t care because in the end she really didn’t know you were a piece of shit. You pushed me away from her car, I pushed you back to leave me alone and that we were DONE. You got in my face and said well you didn’t want to fckng hang out so I found someone who did. How shitty to hear an excuse like that, so it was my fault AGAIN. She took off and I went to my car. You blocked me. You said I couldn’t leave until we fixed this, You threw in my face that I once told you if you ever cheated I would work it out with you.  Til this day, I blame myself for that part, I gave you a pass w out even realizing it, but I also didn’t think you would be dumb enough to try it out. I never thought you would ever touch another girl. Especially not while I was pregnant....

Our fight continued, I tried walking away but you just kept grabbing me. I pushed you and then you pushed me down to the ground, I fell so hard on my knee that I still have a knee problem because of that night. I somehow caught my fall weird that I fcked up my pinky so badly that it didn’t heal for months after that fight. It still hurts once in a while when it’s really cold. I tried leaving, you were trying to get my keys from me that when you finally wrestled me for them, I didn’t even care I just wanted to leave so I started walking. You were right behind me, just talking shit about how this was my fault and how I should’ve just went home and how my friends were nosy and should’ve minded their own business. You were wrong though, you shouldn’t have taken that girl out on a date. This was YOUR fault, not mine. I told you to please just let me go, I was cramping, my knee was throbbing. You grabbed my glasses off my face, and climbed on top of my car and said we were fixing it because I was pregnant. Really? All of a sudden you cared about that? That night was intense, it was scary. I didn’t leave until 4am. I was in pain, I was hurt. You put your hands on me multiple times. The next morning I told you to give me her number, she said you txt her that morning asking for a second chance. So basically, you had a fckng fit the night before to keep me but still wanted this girl around??? what in the world. You should’ve let me go, there was always someone else.

The following week is was triggered my depression more than ever, I had bruises all over my arms. My knee was purple, my finger was swollen and purple. I had a miscarriage in those following days and I felt SO alone. I never told anyone about it, I never wanted to talk about it because I wanted to blame myself for ever going to your street that night. I must’ve been a month or two along, we talked about it. I took a test and it was positive, but I never told you that. It was stressful, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared because i knew you weren’t okay mentally or financially, so I never said it out loud. But you knew, we both knew I was carrying our baby. I was sick, I was already gaining weight. I never went to the doctor to go through the process of losing a baby, I just bled for two weeks alone. You never asked if I was okay, you never said you were sorry. You never held me or told me it was going to be okay. I just had to deal with the fact that I caught you with another woman and I was losing our baby all in the same time. I hate you for that, I could never forgive you for that night. I was cramping and you wouldn’t stop. You just kept pushing me and grabbing me. I didn’t start cramping until that first push to the ground. You didn’t care though, sometimes when I think about it, maybe the universe had other plans for me, maybe its a good thing. I probably would’ve ended up being a single mother eventually. You didn’t check up on me in those following weeks, you just made it about you anytime I would accuse you of something, you would tell me you wouldn’t fuck around after we just lost a baby. You’re so fucked up in the head considering you were always fucking around. You turned me into this angry, depressed person. At that time, I knew what you were capable of, I felt stuck. But I also was afraid to be alone.

I lost a part of myself that month. A part that I don’t know if I’ll ever get back because til this day I haven’t felt like myself since that night, since my loss. You knew I wanted kids, You know how much I LOVE being a mom. I still cry about that night and how weak you made me feel, Im still ashamed that I never did anything about it and that I still fucking stayed with you. I will always hate you for that whole month, I cant find any forgiveness in my heart because you didn’t care. You knew I was pregnant and you still asked that girl from your dating app for a second chance. You didn’t care about my feelings. You were so selfish. I could never wish anything bad upon anyone, not even you, but I hope losing our baby stays with you forever. I hope you think about that when you decide to treat someone shitty. And I hope that by the time you do have kids, you have grown the fuck up because nobody deserves to go through what you made me go through.

[roseauerbach]

2019 Magic 8-Ball Oscar Picks

It’s Oscar time, which means it’s Oscar pool time. If you want to tie with half the people in your pool, check out the guild awards and read experts’ predictions. If you want to take a chance in the most literal sense, turn to my Magic 8-Ball.

As always, I’ve presented the oracle with all nominees and noted the most positive response in each category. The results:

Picture: Green Book Actor: Viggo Mortensen, Green Book Actress: Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me? Supporting Actor: Adam Driver, BlacKkKlansman Supporting Actress: Emma Stone, The Favourite Director: Adam Mckay, Vice Adapted Screenplay: Can You Ever Forgive Me? Original Screenplay: Vice Animated Feature: Ralph Breaks the Internet Animated Short: Weekends Cinematography: Roma Documentary Feature: RBG Documentary Short: Lifeboat Live Action Short: Marguerite Foreign Language Film: Cold War Film Editing: BlacKkKlansman Sound Editing: Bohemian Rhapsody Sound Mixing: A Star Is Born Production Design: Black Panther Original Score: Black Panther Original Song: “The Place Where Lost Things Go” from Mary Poppins Returns Makeup and Hair: Border Costume Design: Black Panther Visual Effects: Christopher Robin

For those of you who prefer a slightly more evidence-based approach, I looked at some numbers.

The Academy has invited about 1700 new members to join over the last 2 years. If all of them accepted, that would bring the votership up to 9226 people and make the Academy polity 31% female and 16% people of color. It’s a little harder to pin down the ages. In 2016, the median age was 62. The new class is statistically younger than that, and they make up 18% of the latest recruits. I’ll leave the actual number-crunching to someone who has the time to look up all the new recruits’ birthdates. Let’s just knock a few years off and say the median age is - I don’t know, 58.

So, when in doubt for a given category, pick the nominee that 58-year-old white men in the industry are likely to a) identify with and b) think all the other industry white men are voting for, because everybody wants to back a winner. Roma director-writer-cinematographer-etcer Alfonso Cuarón is 57, which puts him right in line to satisfy condition a) in several categories.

On the other hand: Based on polls and conversations, I can tell you that older voters really love them some Green Book. They love them some Green Book even more than my Magic 8-Ball does, putting it in line to satisfy condition b). Green Book may be this year’s Crash, which would be a bit disheartening when Green Book wasn’t even the best piece of “pre-Civil Rights Act Deep South through the eyes of someone who’s not from around here” media of 2018. (That was the Doctor Who episode “Rosa,” which you should watch.)

I couldn’t find location data on the new additions, but we know from past classes that Academy voters are likely to live in the greater West Los Angeles area. I, too, live in the greater West Los Angeles area, so I’m swimming in the same media blitzes that the voters are likely to be swimming in. Two super-local things I noticed:

1) Disney went all out with the public radio underwriting for “The Place Where Lost Things Go” from Mary Poppins Returns.

2) There’s been talk that Roma might suffer from the stigma of coming from a streaming service. ‘Round these parts, there’s been no shortage of opportunities for voters to catch it on the big screen. It played for weeks at the Nuart, just off the 405 on Santa Monica Boulevard; and had a presence on Wilshire just east of the 405. Voters even had multiple opportunities to see it in 70 MM projection at the American Cinematheque theaters in Hollywood and Santa Monica. The upshot is that if a voter works near the 405 or spends time in Hollywood, it’s entirely possible they see Roma as a regular ol’ big-screen film that just happens to be distributed by Netflix.

As always, I assume no responsibility for any trust you put in either the Magic 8-Ball or my ground-level observations - but if they help you win, remember me when you’re giving out cuts of the prize.