#theon greyjor

[meow-meow-motherfckr]

The Old Gods and the New

I always forget how much I like the opening title if I go without watching Game of Thrones for a while. It’s so good. Anyhow, the episode opens with Maester Lewin sending a raven before guys with swords come in and then Theon comes in to tell Bran he’s taking over the castle because he can. Bran is kind of...wtf. I like that we get to see Bran use an assisted device to sit up. Nice worldbuilding and giving a disabled character independence. There’s some angst, and I think it’s a pretty good scene. Everyone knows that Theon is not 100% in this and doesn’t take him fully seriously, but they’re still scared. Osha promises to serve him, and Bran looks betrayed. Theon yells at Ser Rodrick about his daddy issues, and Rodrick spits in his face. With some encouragement with the guy who is standing in for Reek I guess Theon kills Ser Rodrick because that’s the iron price. Maester Lewin tries to talk him out about it, but Theon won;t listen. Rodrick is a class act to the end and convinces Theon to kill him himself. It takes a couple swings. All over a really good, well acted scene.

Up north Jon and friends are looking for wildlings while Ghost wanders. Quorin is a lot like a lot of the people I met in Montana when he talks about the wilderness. He gives Jon a talking to, about how he should fight death, and then they move on. Kind of a filler scene but ok.

Tywin gets mad at his lord for not being able to read, and Arya gives away that she can, which Tywin totally doesn’t think is suspicious at all. Then Little finger shows up to fuck everything up, as he does, and Arya gets a little nervous. She avoids facing him, and Petyr talks about how much he loves chaos. He wants to team up with the Tyrells, though Tywin is bitter about the whole rebellion thing. Petyr starts to recognize Arya, but is more concerned with convincing Tywin, so Arya escapes.

Cut to Jon, who is closing in on the wildling camp. The ambush is successfull until Jonny realizes one of the wildlings is *gasp* a girl. He can’t kill her because of protective paternalism, and plus she’s hot. Quorin is going to kill her, but Jon volunteers because he has something to prove. He is about to chop her head off, and doesn’t even have the decency to promise to bur her after, but it doesn’t really matter because he can’t do it. It’s a very well acted scene. He cuts the rock next to her head, which has got to be bad for a sword, and she runs away. He chases her and we see some nice landscape, but he catches her in the end. He realizes he’s lost, and is probably re-evaluating his life choices at this point.

We cut to Myrcella being sent away. She’s crying, and Cersei does her threaten-people-while-deadpan thing. Tyrion looks a little disturbed by that and then walks away. Tommen is crying also because he’s eight, but Joffrey tells him princes don’t cry. I have a bone to pick with whoever is doing Joffrey’s eyeliner, because it really makes him look like an emo middle schooler. They kind of throw out Sansa’s “I saw you cry” line, when they could have done more with it, but the focus is more on how wonderfully horrible Joffrey is and less on Sansa. They go back to the red keep, and Tyrion’s spidey senses are a-tingling because people are not happy with Joffrey. Somebody literally throws shit and Joffrey loses his shit. A riot breaks out, but Joffrey wants the shit thrower. Somebody rips off the High Septon’s arm, which is gross. The Hound gets Joffrey out, but Sansa is on her own. Tyrion insults Joffrey, which is nice, and then hits him. Finally Tyrion notices Sansa is gone, which doesn’t bother Joffrey, but Tyrion wants Jaime back. Sansa is in trouble, as there are about four men who want to rape/kill her, and Joffrey won’t send anyone to get her. The Hound comes and literally guts one guy, kills the rest, and carries Sansa back to safety.

In Qarth Dany is pouting because the Spice King is making her wait. Xaro believes all women can be flattered. Dany is pretty rude to the Spice King, which is probably not the best strategy. The dragon card doesn’t even get her some ships, but she does give a nice speech. Can’t really blame him for being a pragmatist.

Tywin catches Arya reading important military messages and is super chill about it, because it’s not like spies exist or anything. Apparently Jaime is dyslexic or something, but Tywin just bullied him into learning to read anyways, which is charming. Arya bonds with Tywin to distract him while she steals the letter, but gets caught, so she has to get Jaqen to kill the guy for her , and jaqen looks mildly inconvenienced that it has to be a priority express assassination. The guy gets killed just as he walks into Tywin’s office and Tywin looks mildly irritated as he shouts for his guards.

We cut to Robb wandering around the camp being one with the people until he finds Talisa and I fall asleep for a little while. They debate whether or not she is a lady, and she insists she’s not a spy. Catelyn comes in to cockblock and teases Robb about his crush, then reminds him he’s sort of betrothed already.

Jon can’t find the other Night’s Watch men, so he ties up Ygritte and they cuddle to stay warm. He rubs up against his dick, or at least she does between ten layers of clothing, and he’s getting a sexual feeling.

Down South, Roose brings the news that Theon took over Winterfell, and Robb feels super betrayed. Cat, of course, can’t resist an “I told you so”. Roose offers up Ramsay, refferred to as “his bastard” to take over Winterfell. Robb asks for Theon to be brought to him alive.

Cut to Theon, who is talking to Osha. She says the free people “know things” which apparently includes hair removal. She exchanged her freedom for sex with Theon.

She fixes up Sansa’s face, and it’s nice to see two women having a positive interaction for once. Shae explains class conflict to Sansa, and they bond.

We go back to Theon, and evidently Odha has served him well because he is fast asleep. She sneaks out, kills a random guard, then Hodor comes with Bran, Rickon and the wolves, revealing she was good all along.

Dany complains to Xaro about how nobody is giving her free shit. Xaro low-key ecourages her to prostitiue herself, which is...okay, but then they open the doors and everyone is dead and the dragons are gone. We cut to a guy in a cloak carrying the dragons to a spiky tower.