#then you must hard refresh your browser (don't lose your support ticket number!) and click the chat button twenty times

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To close out this saga, they finally appeared when I started casting doubts about any actual human beings operating the live chat. When I said "hey, maybe don't charge people $100+ over a month before every indication on their account says they're going to be charged that's kind of sketchy" I got multiple loooooong paragraphs explaining how this is actually a good thing and not a breach of trust at all, because what if you lost your credit card? And needed to get a new one? Did you think of that dear customer? Really, by putting you through all of this and then having to run through a digital gauntlet designed to test your patience and sanity in order to actually get your money back, we're saving you from the evils of the internets where bad things could happen if your Norton subscription were to lapse for even five seconds----

I have been stuck in an infinite chat hell loop with Norton's non-existence customer service for the last fifteen minutes, and my slowly devolving boredom and simmering annoyance has me googling misremembered tumblrspeak phrases that the search results that are coming up would probably be concerning if anyone else saw them