#then when i tell her she's wrong she tells me im invalidating her 😭😭

[libracorpvs]

it's barely 9am and my sister is already texting me. god give me strength

[lovebvni]

confession sunday — i feel like a fake christian

hi!! so i rlly wanted to start making confessions on my blog as a way to let go and put down the thoughts and feelings im having. most of them r toxic and things i shouldn’t be thinking.

this is also an invitation for others to send their issues and let them go and put them down — simply tell me what it is and i’ll try n break it down to explain to u why u need to let go of those ideas! ofc, anons r opened <3

anyways, let’s get into mine bc.. yeah.

i feel like a fake christian.

this is something i’ve been struggling with my whole life — but it is resurfaced when i had a conversation w my friends abt witchcraft n the bible n whatnot. she said something along the lines of “you’re not a christian because you believe witchcraft is okay.”

first of all… what? right before this my other friend said “a lot of people in the bible pick and choose what they believe. for example — christian’s aren’t allowed to eat seafood bc it’s seen as impure” and the same girl from earlier agreed n said “i still love my crab legs” 💀 LMDAOOA

im friends w everyone mentioned in this convo btw, so dont worry. no hate to any of them.

during this conversation, i js agreed with the one, let’s call her sarah, that said believing witchcraft is okay makes me not a christian.

sarah made me feel bad — invalidated in a way. i remember walking out that class feeling fake, like i am wrong for what i believe and i need to remove everything that isn’t said in the most common places in the bible from my life.

FALSE ❌❌ WRONG ❌❌ INCORRECT ❌❌ SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

DUDE TO BE A CHRISTIAN U ONLY HAVE TO DO TWO THINGS

1 believe jesus christ died for our sins and rose again (some say jesus christ only died and rose again)

2 have a RELATIONSHIP with christ

if it isn’t clear already, i have both of these. i’ve known and believed the stories ik the bible since i was so young, and even now i believe them.

and i have a deep rooted relationship w jesus n god — i mean how the hell do u think i even found out abt other deities 😭 about shifting?? through him dude! it’s only by him answering my prayers that im here rn

what im trying to say is that the “normal” isnt always right. i hate churches — they feel like cults, nd i hate when ppl say ur required to do things — ur not. it’s if u want to and between u n god.

i said this to my friend nile earlier — “but like christianity is supposed to be individuality — it always has been that way. hell, even jesus says it. he flipped tables in a religious place bc they don’t have a relationship w god, they r js acting”.

they didn’t want it — they just wanted to b superior. and that’s not what i want — i want to help others and be happy.

that’s it for my confession. i hope this helps and encourages someone else to begin doing the same! sending my love.

[sundaemuddysucks]

tdwt courterra is soo fucked up. ive been thinking abt it all day. picture this

ok courtney and sierra have like. No fucking reason to interact in tdwt despite being teammates bc i think out of all of them, sierra freaks out courtney the most bc courtney is like. Super judgmental right. and sierra has more interesting people (in her mind) to blog about. and i think sierra wasnt a very big courtney fan (she wasn’t ever really super obsessive abt her + she didnt seem to care that much abt duncney). but that all changes after the whole gwuncan shitstorm. Remember how sierra was the only one who actually sympathized with courtney and voted with her for gwen. yeah. heather did try to comfort courtney but imagine courtney realizes Hey i probably. should not rely on heather for comfort. so instead courtney decides to (very hesitantly) start hanging out with sierra since she’s her only teammate that isn’t a gwen sympathizer or a bitch (in her mind). at first she just kinda spends a lot of time bitching to sierra abt “gwen is such a bitch ohh my god i hate her so much” which actually kinda gives them common ground (sierra is also an aggressive gwen disliker and thinks boyfriend stealing is wrong etc etc) and courtney feels really validated which is special to her bc to me she is the type to be invalidated a lot when she expresses dislikes/concerns (since she is autistic. i mean look at her. and at least in my experience being autistic ppl never take you seriously when you complain about shit) so actually having someone enthusiastically agree with her and not judge her for the. odd things she says (like cmon she sang an entire song abt wanting to maim gwen) is a big deal. courtney is in a pretty emotionally vulnerable state at that time since yk she just got betrayed by her only real friend and cheated on. she starts crushing and shes like Man what the hell this sucks. and she hates herself a lot for being attracted to sierra of all people bc 1) internalized homophobia 2) sierra is. Sierra and 3) courtney realllllly doesn’t want to let herself get attached to anyone (especially a girl) bc of the fact that gwen just straight up stole her boyfriend. so while courtney has all that going on, sierra is having Thoughts of her own. the pedastal shes kinda been putting cody on starts to crumble bc she’s like What the hell. how in god’s name is he supporting GWEN right now!! and it’s kind of dawning on her slowly that she might not have a chance w/ cody if hes still so adamantly crushing on gwen. so sierra is feeling Troubled. and she vents to her new friend courtney about it. courtney listens bc she does really appreciate that sierra made her feel heard so even though sierra sounds. crazy. she still feels obligated to return the favor. sierra is like man idk if cody loves me after all 😭😭 and she rants on and on abt how ohhh cody is still crazy over gwen and he doesnt really pay attention to her and hes been trying to vote her off etc etc. which makes courtney kinda empathize with sierra (which is a strange thing to her granted the fact that she previously wrote sierra off as being Fucking Crazy) since in a way courtney is kinda in the same situation with her whole feelings abt sierra. sierra is still obsessing over cody. you see the parallel. anyways courtney does kinda feel bad for sierra so she comforts her and shes like yeah gwen really does suck (she’s probably also like “we should shove her off the plane” or something) but maybe its just time for you to let go of cody. and in courtneys mind she also telling herself “i need to get over whatever the hell im feeling for sierra this is Weird and Bad” or whatever. anyways sierra agrees and shes like ok 🤗 we are friends now. courtneys like sure whatever.

then sierra (with courtney’s encouragement) starts to let go of her obsession w cody which is great BUT she starts fixating on courtney in the process. her tendency to idolize people starts to come back up when courtney is helping her get over cody and everything. sierra is thinking Wow courtney is sooo nice and sweet omg,, and i relate to her sooo much like we feel the same way abt gwen and everything,,, (and also the autism symptoms but i dont think sierra would consciously pick up on that. she just notices the little things like them both having sensory issues [which isnt canon but in my head it is. ok.]) so now sierra has a weird obsessive borderline crush on courtney. kinda like how she was with cody but less extreme since sierra actually recognizes courtney as a person to a degree since shes had a chance to actually interact with courtney face to face and get to know her personally instead of by stalking her. rather than being really invasive towarss courtney she just Really wants to be around her and she’ll agree w/ anything courtney says/does even if it doesn’t align with her own thoughts. anyways back to courtney. courtney is still realllly fixating on how badly she wants gwen voted off (imagine all this goes down before picnic @ hanging dork. that or gwen is still here after that episode for whatever reason. idk. Gwen is here okay. the episode timeline doesnt matter) and sierra is kinda encouraging this by validating all her weird violent thoughts abt gwen. courtney gets her idea to start throwing challenges and sierra helps her w/ it (sierra probably doesn’t agree w throwing challenges but she also. fucking hates gwen AND shes inclined to agree with courtney sooo). they bond more over trying to get gwen eliminated (throwing challenges + trying to get heather to vote w them) and courtney starts to think of sierra more and more fondly. she sorta enjoys the attention she gets from sierra (even though it is Not Good) bc yk. people tend to not really like her. and again she is Extremely Vulnerable rn. and she starts feeling okay with putting her trust in sierra even though when she did that with gwen the trust got broken, bc sierra helping courtney get gwen eliminated and really clearly disliking gwen for what she did kinda shows courtney that sierra and gwen are Very Different and sierra wouldn’t betray her. so courtney’s weird crush feelings start picking up more but since she trusts sierra shes less violently opposed to it. still not a fan but she doesnt hate the idea. right. so sierra is like officially detached from cody and fixated on courtney atp. for whatever reason she thinks its a good idea to tell courtney she has feelings for her which freaks courtney tf out bc a) shes kinda oblivious and didnt realize sierra liked her in that way b) courtney is still Conflicted about her relationship w sierra and c) she just got out of a several month long relationship. Uh oh. but given that courtney isnt completely against letting herself like sierra, shes pretty close w her now, and shes really enjoying the attention she gets from sierra, in addition to the fact that she thinks getting in a relationship would make duncan jealous which she wants to do, toxic yuri wins and courterra is real ❤️

from there idfk how itd play out just know that they would break up quickly (it lasts like half a year at the absolute maximum..[this might seem like a long time but im a lesbian. 6 months is nothing to me when it comes to relationships]) violently and sorrowfully.

in conclusion: courterra. can anyone hear me.