#then repeatedly said that my bf existed and that I love him & he support me and now i'm just fine after calming down randomly

[infwctednyacifier]

I'm manifesting a partner (going to manifest multiple because I'm poly but starting off humble, yk?) and remembered that manifestation blogs follow me (alongside plural, queer, and alterhuman blogs, lol) so I wanted to rant about the partner I'm manifesting because I've finally started FEELING love and sorry if that doesn't make sense but it's the best way I can describe it so here's just me ranting about my partner (who I'm yet to meet but ignore that girlie 😌✨). Also we should normalize ranting about the partner we're manifesting!! 💞💞

anyways, his names Mason!!!! The best way I can describe him is basically young Phillip Graves lol; sandy blonde hair n stormy blue eyes n all!!!!! (+ Southern!!!!! >:3 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅)

he's a year older than me n likes to boss me around bc of it even tho he can be just as immature as me + has MY humor 🙄🙄🙄

filthy rich but what were we expecting from the whitest boy in white town?? (jk Ily pls don't clown me for this 😨😨)

our school schedules r literally the same AND we sit beside eachother in every class + he helps me a lot cuz I lose focus too often n he's the smart one out of us sadly 😔😔😔😔

his family loves me n i'm basically part of the family + they know my pronouns so that's just 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗!!!!!!!!

he's extroverted but he doesn't mind staying in w me!!!!! + we're in the same friend group so we usually just sit n chill together or say the most brainrot shit bc we're all dying of black mold in the brain guys,,,,,,,,,, :3

will probably randomly add more stuff on here later on bc I just love my bf guys!!!!!! >:3

[chicago-reeed]

Detroit Evolution

So

These are some notes that I took while I watched DE for the first time. It’s a lot. Like, six pages, a lot. I decided I should probably spare everyone’s dashboards and put it under a cut.

Warning: overuse of the fuck word because I am a dramatic little shit who gets overwhelmed easily

- Alright here we go. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to go through this hhhhh

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY I NUT

- fuck he smellin the flowers good

- “hey tin can :P” “good morning gavin :P”

- I’m actually fucking crying IVE HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMES JUST TO BREATHE AND IM ONLY AT 1:25

- FUCK ITS 1:27 AND HES FIXING HIS COLLAR HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS WHEN MY VISION IS BLURRY WITH TEARS

- “I don’t need to breathe” BAZINGA

- *slaps my face repeatedly* keep it together bitch

- “I like the way you look<3” aaaaaaaaannd here I go again

- HAHAHA HE WAS DAYDREAMING SAME NINES SAME

- oh god oh god witty banter WITTY BANTER I CANT FUNCTION

- C H R I S  IM SCREAMING

- detective motha fuckin chris I don’t need to see any more I got what I came for

- Honestly all they need to do to calm down the protestors is get nines out there so he can say “please stop you’re being very mean >:/“ and they would probably just go home ngl

- “I’ve never been intimidated by people who hate androids” OH MY GOD NINES WITH THE BAZINGA’S TODAY WHAT A LEGEND

- can I just say the white jacket is such a power move I can’t believe nines invented fashion

- Gavin bein soft and reaching back for Nines in the crowd🥺homygod

- Gavin “no one calls him plastic but ME” Reed

- The only time I will support police brutality™️

- Gavin is so OP we stan

- Nines “you raise a fist, then I get PISSED😡” RK900

- “y’all have a nice day” Protect Detective Chris Miller at all costs

- Nines sees Gavin’s scars as charming PUT ME TO DEATH

- ADA OH LORD SHES STUNNING IM SOBBING

- Okay I need to pause and breathe again the cinematography got me chokin

- Uh ooohhh someone is jeeaaalouus😛

- Nines really said “no worry fam I’ll airdrop the case files to u”

- Ada: *exists*

- me: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

- HA GAV DEFINITELY JEALOUS RIP

- And nines back at it again with the sass I AM LIVING

- Chris and Gavin’s reactions to Nines imitating Ada is the best thing I’ve seen all year

- “I can do your voice too” HIS FACE IMDBDHDJKDJD CRYIGGGSBSN

- oh ;-; shit Michael really finna make me cri

- God damn the intro credits are so beautiful

- TINAAAAAAA BABYYYYY

- Real coffee hours with the sharktreuse mug🦈

- “our boy” SHIT IM CRYING AGAIN

- Tina knows Gavin was absolutely feral before Nines appeared at the DPD

- Half An Asshole squad please stand up we ride at dawn

- Gavin with the knockoff timbs WE STAN😎

- maybe “thank god, I hate you, you love me, move your feet, oop” will be our always

- I’m living for the whole “criminal minds” vibe goin on here

- Bruh Gavin got the hook-ups fr fr

- ❤️WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER W❤️

- The level of reed900 is staggering

- I’ve had to pause and breathe so many times it’s pathetic I’m not even 15 mins in

- GAVIN SAID mwah<3🖕IM FUCKING DIED

- 850% godt damn Nines got that IOS 50 update

- NINES PUT CHRIS’ PROMOTION PARTY IN THE CALENDAR WHAT A GOOD DAD

- maybe “our calendar” will be our always

- Chris “wingman of the year” Miller

- Who’s that Pokémon??? It’s JEALOUS GAV

- The way Nines said “I don’t feel anything for her.” I see you bud

- insecure Gavin needing reassurance™️

- Im fucking dying I fucking died bro BRO WE ALL KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT, NINES, WE ALL KNOW

- Asexual Nines FTW👊😤👏👏👏❤️He gives zero fucks of ANY kind

- AN ANGEL HAS APPEARED WITH A GLOWY BLUE SCARF

- BREAKING NEWS: affection-starved Gavin™️ is literally begging for love

- GAVIN REED STOP BEING MEAN TO GAVIN REED OR ELSE

- “But there’s much more to admire about you than to detest, I think.”<333

- JJ not being suspicious at all nope no way Jose

- Lazzo has said two words and I love him already

- I don’t think I’ve seen this episode of COPS before🤔🤔🤔

- We all know Nines secretly wants to wear those fun glasses

- “Officer I swear I’ve never seen that arm in my life, it’s my friend’s he just asked me to hold it for him, Android arm what android arm heh”

- “Like robot arms, not gun arms.” You’re doing great sweetie🥰

- HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH H

- Chris “the interrogator” Miller😎

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY

- soft n sleepy gav™️ is soft n sleepy

- FUCKING SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GAV IN A SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S REAL IM

- You can wear my😋😘sweeaatshiiiirt😝😁🤗 (I’m sorry I had to)

- inconspicuous loving glances™️

- #GiveAndroidsFuckinHealthcare2K20

- AAAHHHHHHHH I CANTT BREAF

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- INCONSPICUOUS LOVING GLANCES™️

- Gavin has not slept in 80 years

- He really said “I’m fine” BITCH

- Bed time for brats™️ no later than 8:30pm

- hell yeah sleepover time

- “stop lookin at my insides n shit” I want that on a t shirt

- ANDROID DREAMS

- Nines is so soft I might die

- But he’s somehow equally suave as fuck how is this fair

- Oh my god dream!gavin is like Nines’ conscious this is so presh

- “What do you think Gavin was gonna say?” nsndJSKDOFIWKDBDNDNSJDBBDJDJDJDNDJXJNDIFUIFIEKWN HES STILL THINKING ABOUT THEIR CONVO

- dream!gavin you sly dog

- “To have this. Out there.” DONT FUCK WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT THIS INNER-MONOLOGUE FLUFF IS SO SWEET

- Nines being insecure™️

- Listen to dream!gavin, Nines, he has big brain

- The fact that Nines subconsciously KNOWS that irl!Gav “just wants someone that doesn’t hate him” but he’s STILL like alas, I can never be what gavin needs :’(

- nu babie don’t be sad🥺

- oh my god they’re both train wrecks protect them at all cost

- c r i p e s❤️the reed900 hurt/comfort we all needed

- FUCK

- Concerned boyfriends™️

- Maybe “I’m fine” will be our always

- GAV🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔💔💔

- Insecure boyfriends™️

- Nines “I’m not going to get any closer to Gavin because I can’t help him but also I want to cuddle with him because he had a nightmare” RK900

- did someone say  c a t

- dumb babie gav jus spoon the dumb android so you both feel better

- Me: *rubs evil hands together* aha here comes the angst

- cue tragic backstory

- oh

- tragic backstory indeed

- YES DAD!FOWLER WE LOVE

- Gavin is so desperate for anyone to care about him I’m crying tears

- SHIT IT’S CUDDLE TIME™️ NOW IM REALLY FUCKING CRYING

- Alexa this is so god damn sad play despacito

- YES

- HAND>HOLDING

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- NINES’ SKIN RETRACTING WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE TOUCHING THIS IS LIKE EVERY REED900 STAN’S DREAM COME TRUE

- Oh shit it’s about to get domestic I don’t think I’m mentally prepared

- YOU CAN WEAR MY😝💪SWEEAATSHIIIIIIRT🤪🔥🔥🔥 (I’m never letting the sleeveless sweatshirt thing go)

- Uh oh NO FUCK I’ve read enough fan fiction to know that this is where Gavin’s fucking trust issues kick in and he decides pushing nines away is safer than getting closer to him SHIT

- AND NINES GETS CONFUSED AND HURT

- AND THEN GAVIN GETS HURT

- I feel angst in this Chili’s tonight

- “I need you to leave” aaaaaaahhhhhhhh here come a whole different kind of tears

- frick dude that ouches

- Insert sad babie noises

- Oml the tension☠️poor Chris and Ada are like😑😑

- Chris could solve this case all by himself change my mind

- Gavin and Nines = (ò///-///ó)

- Chris = :D~oblivious~

- HELL YEAH PARTY TIME

- BEST WIVES TINA AND VALERIE AHHHH

- reed900 who??? I don’t know her. I only know ❤️valerina❤️

- I can’t believe Gavin and Nines invented angst

- I went and got blue gatorade just so I could pretend I was drinking thirium like Nines

- #DetectiveChen2K20

- real sad gavin hours

- Ruh roh Gavin bouta die from the ‘rona virus because rat man smokes hella

- CINEMATOGRAPHY CHEEEEECK HOLY SHIT

- my entire aesthetic in a single shot jfc

- Aaaaahhhh Nines trying to be a supportive bf just makes me ;-; [takes damage]

- HES ACCEPTED GAVIN AS MORE THAN A PARTNER🥺that, my friends, is what we call character development

- We stan the otp aggressively talking about their feelings

- “I’m not going anywhere.” FUCK™️

- SMOKE>FACE

- Aaaaand they’re back at square one. It’s cool it’s fine it’s all good we can work with this.

- Gavin: I don’t need you ò-ó

- Gavin: *immediately after Nines leaves* fuck ó-ò

- “It’s fine”™️

- I love Ada so much hhhhhh she said 🤨

- “Basic Instinct” TINA WITH THE HEAT OMG

- *nervous laugh* haha Ada sis maybe chill a little bit ha ha

- oh no I have a not good feeling

- ADA CHILL ADA CHILL

- WHY IS HE FOLLOWING HER INTO AN ALLEY AFTER THAT SKETCHY TALK

- AAA FUCK FUCK FUCJDJEMNSNDJDNXU FUCK I FUCKING KNEW IT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK

- 😖x1000000

- Oh my god this is so fucking sad Alexa play The Sound of Silence

- Nines got fucked up and Gavin is CONCERNED

- aayyyyy bro Nines full on nakey

- Tina and Gavin sad bro huggin👊😔

- ADA HOW DARE YOU. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

- Uh oh Nines is fckn PISSED

- he MAD mad

- Tina speakin straight facts I love her

- WOOP GAVIN FINALLY ADMITTING HE NEEDS NINES

- f u c k  right in the heart

- I don’t want to attempt writing any notes at this moment because my thoughts are completely incoherent I am a MESS

- “I need you to come back, Nines.” DONT PLAY W ME LIKE THAT

- HAND HOLDING FTW

- Did Gavin really almost bring Nines back through the power of love I am SHAKING

- Dream!Gavin speaking truth as ALWAYS

- These damn flashbacks making me feel some type of way

- OH SHIT HE AWAKE

- that actually low key jump scared me

- God damn these sets are so fucking pro, I’m so happy

- REUNION

- Tina really say “Chris ;) ;) lets go get some ;) coffee ;) ;) ;) ;)”

- CHRIS’ REALIZATION FACE FUCKING LAID ME OUT I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGJINB SO HARD

- You Undead Asshole™️

- Gavin: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) fuck he actually heard me talk about my feelings n shit

- Nines: You literally told me you fucking needed me like five minutes ago

- Gavin: huh weird that doesn’t sound like me I actually hate you

- ooOOHHH  S H I T

- REALLY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENIGN

- woah shit sorry I blacked out for a second what happened

- MY POOR LITTLE FUCKING REED900 HEART IS EXPLODING AND IMPLODING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME

- CAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIGGHTT

- holy shit I actually gave myself a bloody fucking nose because I smacked my face too hard in excitement

- ❤️💘🧡💞💕💘💓💚💛💘💞💓💛💛💞💘❤️💚💘💜💕💖❤️❤️💕💓💗💘💖💚💝❤️

- FUCK

- “What dipshit programmed you to do that?” 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️FUCK

- My aunt came in and told me she heard me shouting then asked why I was crying

- HAHA FUCKING CHRIS IS MEEEE

- shit I need to like..,,,,physically recover from that

- whew okay break time is over let’s fucking go

- Nines in the cheeky turtleneck I SEE U

- #DETECTIVECHEN2K20

- Gavin: I’m ready to take this hoe DOWN

- Initiate protocol: SAVE ADA FROM HERSELF

- I could listen to Tina talk to dispatch for hours🥰❤️❤️❤️

- WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE T

- Gavin being hella concerned boyfriend™️

- FIGHT SCENE™️

- omfg that crowbar really went *CLANG* when it hit Ada’s steel fkn abs what a legend💪😎

- Hell yeah epic Nines gif moment

- no Ada don’t choke Gavin it only makes him stronger

- CHRIS THE MOTHER FUCKIN GOAT😎👏👏👏he really said “fuck ur monologue I’m here to get shit done”

- ADA QUEEN YOURE OKAY SWEETIE

- That character development godt damn

- I might be reaching but Gavin is now wearing a white/off-white shirt/gray that kINDA RESEMBLES DREAM!GAVIN’S SHIRT. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. THATS SYMBOLISM IF I EVER DID SEE IT.

- “buyer’s remorse, huh?”

- “I can’t be everything you need.”

- That awkward moment when you realize the person you were hiding your feelings from has also been hiding their feelings from you.

- “a year of that fuckin’...Ken Doll face smirkin’ at me every day” BE CUTER GAVIN, I DARE YOU.

- naked hand = love

- CHEEKY BASTARDS

- FUCK FUCK FUCK ME

- THAT WAS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL

- So my review of this film could be summed up by saying that I basically cried for an hour and fifteen minutes.

- Holy damn

[twisted-petal]

Death Continued: Part 4

FB vent post: I thought I could handle this on my own but I just can't... I've only told one person and I wanted it to stay that way, but after everything - fuck it. I'm going to vent and everyone can just fuck off. None of you were there for me when I needed someone at all last year, and I won't have any backtracking bullshit. No. I did not ask for help with this specifically because IT'S FUCKING DIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT TO EVEN THOSE I TRUST THE MOST, which I suppose isn't saying much. Clearly I have trust issues. I have typed up similar posts and personal messages a million times since this happened, and I still don't know if I'll post this one... I never know what I want to say or how much detail to go into or how much this could hurt me further or whatever. I just keep hoping this will be another ignored post. Any time I try to vent or ask for help or whatever it is, I'm just accused of begging for attention or whiny or whatever and I get bitched at... Not my intent, though I wouldn't have complained too much. So fuck you. Imma bitch. At least getting the words out helps... Yes. This is a boo-hoo emo love story. Yes. I firmly believe I did this to myself and everything surrounding this is all my fault, despite the nagging instict to avoid cliches and stereotypes, or fuckin' - whatever. AND THAT MEANS I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT SHIT AFTER I POST THIS. I've heard it all. It doesn't help. I UNDERSTAND AND APPRECIATE THE EFFORT AND SENTIMENTS, but it just doesn't click with me. I wish it did. Just not what I need... Aaaaannnd yes there are still people I'm hiding this from. I know they won't keep their mouth shut, and the entire reason I went to Portland for a week was to keep the one person who knew any of this, from digging up my ex's name and calling the police (even with this ONE person, I couldn't talk about my "BF". I wasn't allowed. Even when he *did* allow me to give us a couple status). So let's start this shit off with a bit of backstory: I have a bleeding heart; fucking hate everyone, but I never stop caring or loving (and yes, if you even made it this far, this means you). Quick to love, slow to forget. When I love I put my all into everything, and I try to ask for little in return: Be honest, be respectful, and gimmer all the attentions (And put up with my bitchin'. Because if I don't vent I explode and I had 2 major anxiety attacks and 1 minor, within the last 3 months of the year.); keep me happy, take care of me, and you can have anything you want. I spoil the FUCK out of my partners as best I can (I hope you saw this...). Some of you know of one or two of these incidents: those who know of my trip to the emergency clinic in Portland (morning after the Grump Live show... Which was rad!), and the others who know of my collapse just last week before the move. Aaaannnywho... More to the point of all this... Very few of you know who I was... with(?) all last year, and that is because he didn't want people to know. At first I understood because I can be the same in wanting to keep most personal things, well, personal. As time passed, the way he treated me grew worse (primarily verbal/emotional), and in the bedroom... I tried to play along... Granted... I loved him. I wanted to be my best for him. It's what I do... But I realized that's all that mattered. My gifts, food, money, attention, heart, support, effort... Nothing else I did was ever recognized; At least, I seldom felt any appreciation outside of my bed. We were only ever in my room, unless we passed each other at work, which was rare even if he actually told me his schedule. The convenience of his department was nice until he screwed me the first time... He worked right in my path! I worked there 3 years before him and I was not about to change my route to and from the breakroom! Grr! Making me too stubborn to avoid his stupid face... And the sentimental fuck that I am doomed myself right then and there. Well, all this BS continued the entire year, yet we were never actually a couple. And don't get me wrong, there is a great deal about this dillweed to enjoy (ex: humorous, witty, kinda smart, fairly talented, cute, interesting; whatever), but it wasn't about my love for him or how he repeatedly broke my heart as if he were shootin' for a Gods damn Platinum Trophy. It's a bit about the shittiest year I've dredged through, and a bit about how much smoother that shit would have slipped by had he just been there for me when he promised he would. Just *once*. Instead of breaking down all the self esteem I had been working so diligently to build, by shredding into every little detail I had come to accept with who and what I am; or tossing me aside like his used cum rag. Just to get his dick wet and stay alpha. He would promise and swear until it would be too late for me to find help elsewhere. Every so often he would do something for me (for a "fee"). Just enough to keep me hoping and trying again, and eventually I could follow his patterns and try to get some safety nets up. Didn't stop whatever happened from hurting, of course. And he did this with everything! Pushing my hope to the limits... Dragging me along. There was always an excuse as to why I was the best but could never be officially "his girl". His slutty ex being his number one excuse, and of course he never told me the full story, if he ever spoke a fraction of the truth. If any of you remember my post about never making someone feel like shit for not wanting children? That came from him telling me I had no choice. I am female. I must breed. After whining and complaining to win me back, he told me that he couldn't accept me unless I gave him a child. Even though he reassured me when we first started talking that he had his son and that's all he needed. Which was a *major* relief to me because I told him I never want children, and medically I may never be able to. Win-win!... Then he started talking with the mother and they want a brother for him... So that made me useful... Though, I was never allowed to meet them. So the options he presented me: Agree to give him a child and he'll finally accept me as "his girl", or no child and he goes back to the mother he can't get along with to go knock her up again (according to him, she refused to ever sleep with anyone else, because he was her first). There is a massive chance I could never give birth, and he did everything he could to make me feel like shit because I couldn't (and didn't) want to give his son a sibling... B'scuse me?? Who said they would have been siblings? Or grown up at all together? He couldn't ever promise to stay committed to me or any child, yet he wouldn't accept me without promising my own life and the life of an unborn child to him. One example of his overbearing ways. My body. My rules. ... That didn't stop him from being too rough... From going too far... It didn't mean anything to him when I told him to stop or I was hurting or that I couldn't breathe... I would have to beg just to see him, and it could only ever be long after dark. Again, I blame myself for everything, and many of you have already helped drill that in... I should have stayed away. I shouldn't have given him so many chances. But it was all me; I wouldn't stop letting him come back... I get it... I fucked myself. I caused my own pain and misery. I knew what he was capable of, but I trusted him, nonetheless. He made sure of it and I fell for it. I've wanted so badly that he pay for what he did to me, for taking advantage of me... But I loved him. I wouldn't let my friend call the police. I couldn't let them take a father from a child, as much of a scumbag he is... And he had recently become a department manager after years of bullshit and I didn't want to ruin all that work... Because I will forever be too nice for my own good, and I can't bring myself to destroy someone else's life... All I wanted was one person to be there for me while my life fell to pieces around me. Just one person to show they cared and that they were at my side. Support. A single person to keep me afloat and make it through. Somebody to just listen to me rant and eat some pizza with or some shit. Anything to help me feel like an actual person. So I would like to take this moment here to thank whoever is still reading for helping me feel like the sex doll he made me feel I was, when all I was asking for some help or advice. Thank you for pushing me aside when I came to you with tears, unable to articulate proper sentences and my messages were riddled with typos. Thank you for being that one person I needed to feel everything was going to be okay and I wasn't just some bitch whore. Thank you for listening and still accepting me, and not throwing me onto the backburner. Thank you for not forgetting about me. It means a great deal to me that those who I care a great deal for, actually gives two shits about me or appreciates my existence... Is a friend really so much to ask for...? Is it the respect or understanding? The acceptance? The kindness? Tolerance? A bit of attention or companionship? When am I asking for too much? Honesty? Loyalty? I mean, I could pull up a Thesaurus and Dictionary and really drag this betch out. I suppose what bothers me most, is that no matter what I said or how much I asked, no matter what I promised him, he just couldn't be honest with me. He couldn't allow me to leave my heart out of it, or to look elsewhere. Why couldn't he just be honest?? Why did he have to fuck me over? Take advantage of me? Why couldn't he just stop! I told him I still wasn't feeling well. That I was physically hurting. To STOP. I said please... But I couldn't be too loud... There was a little girl in the next room. I should have been louder. I should have kicked more. And I should have gotten away... Why can't any of you just be honest?! Stop trying to lie and trick me! If I haven't already handed you my heart on a platter, I can usually catch the BS, but it doesn't make it any better... Just tell me! Go away. Shoosh. Not now. You can't deal with it. You just want sex. If there is something you want from me or something you don't want to deal with or whatever it is, just SAY IT. ([It's still too long... Another post!)]