#then i'm the evil stalker racist proshipper abuser who just needs to ''leave their victims alone'' (again i was 15 when this went down) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iowafashionweekbegins · 10 days ago

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the fact that someone from seven whole years ago still terrorizes my brain is. it's something. i guess being accused by an 18-19 year old of being a proshipper and abuser multiple times when i was 15 actually did legitimate, long-term, traumatizing psychological damage to me (the night everything went down i hallucinated a full-blown, crystal-clear, terrifying face in the dark, due to the stress). who woulda thought. i don't know. i can't stop thinking about this situation from 2018 and i still just feel this awful fear like i can't escape this. image of myself. that is in people's heads. an image that i'm very different from nowadays. its funny in a bitter kind of way how different i am now, meanwhile last time i checked on this person ey're still doing this exact same thing to other people, just on a smaller scale. i want to heal from this already but my OCD will not let me. i'm stuck in it forever, it seems.

#got accused of dating someone 2 years younger than me because we had some characters get married in tomodachi life #got accused of being genocidal and racist because i said ''i wish there was a world with just me and my friends'' when i was a Child #got accused of being a proshipper because i wrote an angst fankid AU with an abusive rship between two characters i did not ship #got accused of being an abuser because... i don't actually know why. but it was repeated multiple times. i was still. a child.#this all started because i watched a video on transmed stuff and posted some of the talking points and instead of educating me abt it #this person just jumped into accusing me of every single thing ever and when this made me suicidal i got misgendered #and my abusive former school was contacted to report me (i said that this misgendering + borderline doxxing was aggressive)#(which is also racist apparently but i genuinely do not know what else i was supposed to call this behavior)#oh i was also stalked (the person found sideblogs of mine and would read through them) but if i checked to see if i was being posted abt #then i'm the evil stalker racist proshipper abuser who just needs to ''leave their victims alone'' (again i was 15 when this went down)#i dont know. i dont know why i keep thinking about this over and over again so many years later #or why i still have that fear in my chest even though i'm an adult now. i guess the fact that this person could still be thinking abt me #is just. really troubling. i keep thinking of what i could say if i ever had to defend myself again. but i feel like i'd just get scared.#just like every other time. idk. i can't imagine doing this to an 18-19 year old at my age. and i couldnt imagine doing it to a 15 year old #when i was 18-19. and you had the gall to say that i had POWER over you? that i ABUSED you? i wanted to get AWAY from you!!!#god why can't i just heal from this already? why does it still have to make me frightened after all this time? why can't i just LIVE?#evie.txt ♡

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