#then again sigma's character as a whole is insensitive

[glysaturn]

omg 😭

[hellohoshihokori]

Well,i got this idea from that one Tiktok so... Hope you enjoy! Might be out of character but yeah- you'll have to deal with it... i made this before my exam day so... yeah-

If you're from that one Tiktok then Hey! Welcome to my fanfic... hope you enjoy the stay. Please give me feedback and some tips to improve on my writing skills.

Sounds of brush stroke and humming of a song can be heard all across the prison cell. Nikolai kept on painting a beautiful portrait of a beautiful woman? Man? Who knows? It's been a while since Fyodor's death and Nikolai started to forget everything about his dear love... Fyodor Dostoevsky... his friend? His love? His crush? Nikolai didn't know what he was feeling for Fyodor anymore.

He thought it was love... but,is it love that people always kept telling him or what he kept telling himself? He didn't care anymore he can't feel anything... he only felt emptiness and numbness after Fyodor's death. He knew he wouldn't be the same Nikolai Gogol everyone known him as... the happy,goofy,and troublemaking Nikolai Gogol... the jester of the DOA and Fyodor's friend,Sigma's biggest nightmare maybe also his pain in the ass. Who knows what happened? He lost all feeling he doesn't even remember feeling anything at all... he is starting to forget about everything and everyone...

Especially himself...

He is starting to forget about himself and how he was before Fyodor's death. He adores Fyodor a lot even if he doesn't seem like it,he does adore him a lot maybe he loves him? He still doesn't understand what he was feeling for Fyodor... the only thing he remembers and knows is that... Fyodor is the only friend that understands and tolerates him...

He wanted to remember Fyodor he wanted to remember his dearest friend or more? He even started to forget what he looked like... so,he resorted into painting Fyodor face and his whole feature so he will remember him until his last breath. He will keep on painting Fyodor until he forgets him completely or takes his last breath. He knew he sucked at painting so he practiced by carving Fyodor's features on the prison wall using his nails.

He doesn't care if it hurts,he needs to do it... he NEEDS to remember Fyodor. He knows he needs it or he will never forgive himself for forgetting him completely because he knows that no one else would care and remember him... he knows Fyodor was a bad person and always been a cold and insensitive person he doesn't care if he hurts their feelings. He only cares about the goal and the benefit of doing what he's doing.

Nikolai knows how cold Fyodor is... he still remembers those sweet sweet smirk and smug look of his... even though the memories are starting to be blurry...

He carved the walls of his cell with his nails that hurt so bad but he couldn't careless. He couldn't careless how his blood is staining the carvings he made. He doesn't care about the guards who were yelling at him to stop. He doesn't care... he needs to do it. He knows he needs to do it.

The guard grabs his hands and stops him. His vision was getting blurry and passed out due to the lack of water and food maybe even loss of blood. And yes,Nikolai carve Fyodor nonstop not even bothering to eat,sleep,and even drink(we don't talk about him going to the bathroom it's anime logic.) The guards and people around him say he is mentally unstable and crazy or something wrong with him.

Nikolai already knew that. He doesn't need someone to tell him about it,but now that he thinks about it... wouldn't it be perfect for him to ask for a canvas and some supplies to paint and use an excuse for it?

Yes,that would be Nikolai's goal starting from now on. His hands were wrapped in bandages and the doctor suggested that someone watch him 24/7 in case he does something "crazy" again. Nikolai didn't care what the doctor said, he demanded that the doctor give him art supplies in his cell so he can paint. He didn't care if the doctor denied the request he kept on insisting to do it even threatening to end his life or use his ability to kill every single person in this prison or even make a massive prison outbreak.

The doctor after some more threats and demands they agree with one condition. Nikolai wouldn't do anything crazy and use his ability to escape or let other prisoner escape heck he also needed to cooperate with the police on answering some questions about the DOA. Nikolai agrees to the terms,he doesn't care if he needs to expose the DOA. Besides he doesn't remember much anyway they probably wouldn't get so much useful information from him.

Nikolai got back to his cell and some guards came a few moments later brought the supplies and canvas to paint. Nikolai could never be so happy- wait happy? Is he happy? He doesn't know... i guess he felt relieved?

Who knows! The only thing he wants to do now is start painting and learn how to paint. He tries every single day to make a perfect art of Fyodor. His dearest,he paints every day and finally gets the result he wanted...

A perfect piece of art of Fyodor Dostoevsky his dearest...

Every day in prison is the same for Nikolai. Painting Fyodor,eating, drinking,sleeping,and trying to remember the memories of him and Fyodor together.

He remembers how he and Fyodor used to have nicknames for each other but he couldn't put his finger on it...

Oh well,one day he will remember it,he'll try... at least.

Everyday is always been the same... the guards start to notice how Nikolai seem calm and at ease every time he draw this person... a straight black hair reaching his shoulder, beautiful purple eyes that seem to gleam in the dark,a slim and pale figure,and a smug expression on the person's face. The guards don't know who this person is... but,what they know is that they are a very important person for Nikolai and might be a weakness they needed to get information out of him.

But,it will be too cruel they thought so they never use it when they interrogate him for information about the DOA.

One day,when they interrogate Nikolai and check his cell they start to notice something about the new paintings Nikolai made. The back of the canvas always has a romantic poem to them and always ends with "Fedya" or "Kolya". Is this the name of the person that Nikolai paints every day? They didn't know and decided to shrug it off and leave his cell.

One day...

When the guards check on Nikolai,they find him lifeless on the ground with an unfinished painting. When,they investigate further... Nikolai commit suicide and they found something very interesting... the back of the unfinish painting of both the mysterious person and Nikolai himself... the back of the painting have a small writing. It reads...

"You wanted to kill him didn't you?"

"Yes,i certainly did...no,i didn't. No, you're right."

"I never exchange many words with Fedya."

"But my life ever since i met him felt nothing like it did prior."

"Fedya was right,i fought so i could lose myself "

"Now,i... felt nothing but emptiness and hopelessness with him gone..."

One of the guard widen their eyes as they read the text while the other one notice a text in russian. It reads

"Когда-нибудь, может быть, в другой вселенной... мы будем вместе и, наконец, вместе переживем наш счастливый конец." (I hope it translate it correctly since idk how to speak or write russian. So,i use google translate it was supposed to translate "Someday maybe in another universe... we will be together and finally have our happy ending together.")

And the end of that sentence was sign by Kolya himself which the guard find out it's Nikolai's nickname. The only thing they knew about the person in the painting is that... Nikolai calls them "Fedya" and this "Fedya" person is a dearest person for him...

I guess they will meet in the after life or another life...

All i can say is "if you're suffering, you're gonna suffer with me"