#then I ended up making a third pattern consisting solely of the pieces that I was going to 'figure out when I [got] to it'

[laqueus]

Joy, textile craft be upon ye :)

[improbablecarny]

A Post About Making Adrian Shephard Interesting

The Half-Life series is full of engaging characters, ranging from loveable, to love-to-hateable, to Adrian Shephard. Who is Adrian Shephard? He is a guy, who has a gun, which is extremely surprising for video games. He and his gun are the stars of Half-Life: Opposing Force, the first game’s first expansion, where he is sent into Black Mesa after it becomes an interdimensional shitshow, so he and his gun can shoot some aliens. 

The game sets him up as a foil/rival/antagonist to the iconic Dr. Gordon Freeman, as if we are about to play a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse with the feral physicist. This setup is a lie. Adrian encounters his sworn enemy once, immediately loses him, and gets distracted with putzing around on whatever tasks the plot puts in front of him until the G-Man shows up and says “I don’t really know what to do with you” and indefinitely stuffs him in cold storage, which is, incidentally, also what Valve did.

Despite this, Adrian still has a decent following of fans, mostly attributed to the fact that he is a guy with a gun in a video game. His defining feature as a character is that he always wears a gas mask. His only defining feature as a character is that he always wears a gas mask. Okay, that's not fair: he has a couple diary entries where he mostly talks about how he and his gun want to shoot stuff, which makes him relatable to gamers everywhere.

What I’m getting at here is that, in a series where the POV characters have ranged from everyone’s favourite perpetually put-upon physicist to rebellion leaders, Adrian stands out to me as a piece of limp bread.

But what if I told you he doesn’t have to be?

What if I told you that the limp bread we know is merely at one end of a breadcrumb trail that leads to a whole loaf?

1. MARINES HUUUGH GUNS GO BANG

Okay, so it isn’t a secret that I think “military guy who shoots stuff” is, perhaps, a little played out. I see a guy with a crew cut and my eyes glaze over. I hear a chopper and begin to snore. I can no longer perceive olivedrab as a colour. We could get into the nitty gritty of American nationalist/military propaganda and its relationship with video games, but that isn’t funny, so I’ll just say that it sucks and I hate it.

Half-Life 1 was not overtly kind to our pals, the Marines. By that I am referring to the fact that they were consistently portrayed as sadistic meatheads. My approach to Opposing Force was hesitant, as to suddenly make one of them the hero is to say “but what if the sadistic meatheads kind of had a point?”. Luckily, as the game opens with Adrian silently shooting the shit with a handful of tongue-in-cheek war movie stereotypes, I got the sense that this wouldn’t quite the case -- which is more or less confirmed when Adrian’s chopper goes down before he has the chance to receive his orders to do war crimes.

So we have our first ingredient: a macho kid with stars in his eyes who goes out on his first mission and is immediately blasted in the face with a healthy dose of...well, blasts, but also, uncomfortable truths.

2. PAUL BLART, SCIENCE COP

Corporal Adrian Shephard has landed, the sole survivor of his unit, the quintessential badass, our gritty hero. Now the action begins, we think. He busts in, guns and wrenches blazing, and begins to kick some alien can. Right?

Well, he tries. But to his dismay, Black Mesa has a lot of doors, which as we all know, are impervious to guns.

Luckily, there is an aggressively Midwestern security guard wandering around who just happens to have the clearance Adrian needs. His name is Otis. There are actually multiple Otises (Otii?) because Black Mesa security guards have a bit of an esoteric relationship with reality, but let’s just pretend the ones that don’t die immediately in comedic scripted sequences are Otis Prime.

Otis is everything Adrian isn’t. Zombies stalk the halls and Otis is more upset with a wayward vending machine. Bullets fly and Otis jokes about how he should’ve taken the mall job instead. He’s an affable, goofy uncle of a man, and he’s not necessarily there to show us just how cool Adrian is in comparison... he’s there because Adrian needs his help.

And there we have our second ingredient: your coolguy action hero archetype isn’t maybe that effective as a lone wolf, and the unexpected kindness of strangers may be what he needs to pull through.

3. THE SHEPH(A)ERD

As many have pointed out, our pal Adrian develops a peculiar and hilarious habit: picking up random aliens and using them as weapons.

Opposing Force itself seems to be, more than anything, an exercise in showing off cool weaponry and cool enemies. Adrian’s fleshy new friends are just a means to a tech demo. But with the goggles of plot and characterization on, just as Adrian has a horrible barnacle grappling hook on his hand, we have something hilarious on ours: a flock of freaky friends there to help him on his journey.

And who doesn’t love the “head scritches for the spore launcher” animation?

I don’t know if this is what they intended when they gave him (a mutation of) “shepherd” as a surname, but Adrian’s Multidimensional Menagerie is the third ingredient of incredible potential: your loose-cannon commando came in here to kill aliens and ended up adopting a bunch instead.

A PATTERN EMERGES

Keeping these three things in mind, a vision of Adrian begins to solidify, and it is one that doesn’t quite match the image of the elite commando power fantasy that the dudes in the comments section of all Opposing Force-related Youtube videos are clamoring for.

What is Adrian’s goal in this story? Well, first off he seems ready to track down Freeman -- but once the slippery scientist slides on through his fingers like a handful of bright orange soup, it’s mostly a matter of fighting some aliens, fighting some black ops dudes, disarming a nuke, and pissing off a giant terraforming alien so bad that it just gives up and leaves. What can we pull from this to make Adrian compelling?

It’s not that he’s the coolest dude with the baddest guns: He is set up like every other badass military shootman, only to be immediately humbled by the horrifying truth behind his mission and the alliances he needs to forge in order to survive. He befriends some of the creatures he was sent in to destroy. He disarms a nuke and repels the Gene Worm without killing it. Adrian carries with him the framework of a character whose purpose is to de-escalate. 

Then we begin to see him as an actual foil to Gordon: where the good doctor was unwillingly plunged headfirst into violence and chaos in order to survive, what if Adrian had to reject these things to survive -- despite everything he’d been trained to be?

And if he returns to this post-apocalyptic world, under the G-Man’s thumb, without an Otis in sight (but plenty of aliens)... where does he go from there?

[ryansaiditposts]

The Lore of Folklore:

The Real Story Behind the Characters of Taylor Swift’s Folklore

 

 

We are all familiar with Taylor Swift’s record breaking, surprise quarantine love child, Folklore. Even more so in the Swiftie fanbase, we are familiar with the proverbial “love triangle” established in “Cardigan”, “August”, and “Betty”. What if I told you that I believe the entire album is centered around just these characters at different stages in life with Taylor’s story woven in? Also, what if I said that Taylor/Rebecca were an allegory? Not to mention the complexity of “Hoax” being a combination of all the characters in one? Of course, you would probably ask me for clarification, and that is the intention of the next few paragraphs. These characters reveal certain patterns of behavior, call and responses, and self-referential phrases that map out a much bigger story to tell. The trio of songs mentioned above were just the starting point.

 

To give you an overview of where we will be going, I want to give you the songs as they relate to each character. These will then be fleshed out to connect them in the way I hear and see Folklore play out. The songs and respective characters are as follows:

 

Betty- Cardigan, Mirrorball, and Exile (featuring James)

James- Betty, This Is Me Trying, and Exile (featuring Betty)

Augustine- August, The 1, and Illicit Affairs

Taylor- Seven, Invisible String, Mad Woman, Epiphany

Taylor/Rebecca- The Last Great American Dynasty, My Tears Ricochet, Peace

All Characters- Hoax

 

The genius of this album is that the struggles and identifiers of these characters can sometimes be interchangeable. That is what creates the magic, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. There is more than one perspective to these stories, but this is all what I heard from Inez.

 

The 1 (Augustine)-

I have been sitting with this song for a while. I began to wonder why, for lyrics that for all intents and purposes were sad, did I not get sad listening to this song. Sure, it’s about loss and what could have been, but it’s mere conjecture. Almost like a love that never really existed outside of the storyteller’s imagination. A film that was never made, if you will. Then it hit me, “you weren’t mine to lose”. Augustine simply imagined what it would have been like if the man she did not end up with could have been the one. Betty and James DID have a relationship and the theme of this “film” is repeated in the stories told throughout this album. She would have not gotten the chance to have the movie kind of romance if he had not chosen to be with her. Rose flowing with his chosen family.

 If one thing had been different, could everything be different today? Had he not already been in love with another woman, could we have been the greatest love story ever told? Something also struck me as odd. She called out him meeting some woman on the internet and taking her home. Knowing he has a tendency to stray, there could be a superficial level of jealousy. Imagining that he’s cheating on Betty, but disappointed that it isn’t with her. Not because she’s necessarily a bad person, but I think that as we will see later on in this breakdown, Augustine struggles with conventional relationship types and ties herself to sinking ships for the tragedy of it all.

 

Cardigan (Betty)-

So, not to rehash lore we are already incredibly familiar with, but this song is clearly Betty knowing that James is going to run back to her after straying the path. Cool, amazing, fierce. However, there is language here that suggests this is not the same instance as him showing up to the party. I believe that James has a very toxic pattern resulting from his wondering eye and Betty just has a bad case of loving him. At least, for a while. Betty likes the fact that she is able to show James who he really is when all is said and done, and being someone who has struggled with confidence, she doesn’t want to let this love go too soon. Even if she should. More on that in a bit.

 

Betty says, “Chase two girls, lose The 1”. We all assumed that she was referring to herself, but knowing that she was almost waiting for his return, it’s very possible that she intended to forgive him even before he asked. She had scars from years of not being enough and she may have even been bullied as indicated by this and him seeing in her what others could not when he was present in the relationship. That feeling of “what if” made sure she would not completely walk away. When you are young they assume you know nothing. Well, knowing something does not mean you know everything and I think she stayed long enough to find that out the hard way. Peter does lose Wendy because he cannot grow up.

 

The Last Great American Dynasty (Taylor/Rebecca)-

 

Taylor owns the previous home of Rebecca Harkness in Rhode Island. This beachside mansion has all the salt air and cliffsides to scream off of that anyone would want. Rebecca has a big reputation as a maneater who just isn’t ladylike and mild mannered enough. Sound familiar? Taylor Swift has been demonized, ridiculed, and made infamous based solely off of complete speculation. Rebecca faced the same fate as a middle-class divorcee who was cast as a gold digger after the Standard Oil estate. Truth is, both of these women were just in search of love that could last. Under circumstances far beyond their control these things ended so loudly that there was no right to privacy while they grieved or attempted to make sense of it all. Worse? They were blamed in a blameless situation.

 

Taylor makes her identity known to mirror Rebecca’s at the end of the story. So, what’s the connection to the album as a whole? Bill grew up in the area that the rest of them would eventually be in later on. Cliffside and salt air, the characters revisit these scenes and similar ones several times throughout the story. They lived at a different time here, years later. In fact, in terms of the house itself, it sat quietly for 50 years until Taylor would acquire it. She then marks her entrance to the rest of these stories as she then will later touch on points of her life leading up to Holiday House.

 

Exile (Betty and James)-

 

Communication is key. However, Betty and James eventually resented the back-and-forth nature of their relationship. He believed that she would always forgive him as she had always set that precedent each time before in their relationship. Although they always knew they walked a very thin line, they always felt like the other person would become better to them if they loved hard enough. Each had their demons, though. Between James cheating nature and drinking problem, he could become withdrawn and combative. Betty loved James so much that she gave him second, third and hundredth chances and even excused his more aggressive behaviors in a Streetcar Named Desire type loyalty. Until the branch broke that they were balancing on.

 

For someone like James, being left as a result of bad behavior can often be skewed as a betrayal in and of itself. Her leaving could have only been a result of her not telling him how to be a better partner. On the flip side, Betty was not clear in her signals of being fed up with his actions, but allowing him back time and again. The blame game ensues and each call out each other’s faults too little, too late. They have, in fact, seen this “film” before. They kept the hope that the cinematic love they were both obsessed with would eventually play out if they wanted it enough, but did not put in the work or self-reflect enough to make it so.

 

My Tears Ricochet (Taylor/Rebecca)-

 

Of course, it’s about a certain sellout record executive of her previous label who did not even have the decency to let her own her masters. I will not be bringing his name into it because he does not deserve to even be thought about. However, I think Taylor does an expert job of exploring the anger stage of grief and death that Rebecca and Bill would have had to face in his untimely death as well. The allegory dips in and out of this song to further establish the mirror effect of these two women and their fears/perception. Taylor calls out her own inability to leave with grace. Rebecca was left to burn at the stake after Bill died with no one to defend her either. While it is not his choice to have died, grieving does bring about emotions of abandonment when still panning out. Much like Taylor felt when the label she trusted acted like they had never met and that she had not given them her all to gift them any kind of notoriety.

 

Gathering stones is beachside activity, but when, so is collecting jewelry. This in a metaphorical sense could allude to also gathering dirt and receipts when it all falls down. This line has quite an impact in the context of a business transaction and the marriage of a rich couple. Toward the end, each woman speaks as though they have gone to the cliffside and screamed into the open air. Rebecca challenges the masses to go for her heart in same way the public felt she had gone for Bill’s, but knows that she would be missed all the same. Each woman is directly calling out their naysayers and bullies telling them they know they’re drunk on pain and negating the good they had done before tragedy. These fake people have both built them up and torn them down in times it benefitted them the most.

 

Mirrorball (Betty)-

 

As I previously mentioned, Betty struggles with self-confidence (relatable content). This song takes a deeper dive into Betty’s desire to be noticed by James in the way she needs him to and to show him that she knows him better than anyone else does. When he does not pay attention, she breaks into a million pieces. Although her friends consistently tell her that the end is imminent, she has committed herself to changing the narrative. She’s walking the tightrope, another call out to the thin line they feel they have always walked in regards to one another.

The insecurity is palpable in the self-deprecating “I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try”.  Remembering from their teenage years, Augustine, a natural beauty, is able to draw men in with a sense of sensuality and a carefree demeanor. She doesn’t have to get too invested in relationships because she only chooses men that are in high risk, low reward circumstances. On the outside, it seems like she has all the confidence in the world and that is intimidating to someone like Betty who does not exude the same assuredness and has been burned by trusting unnecessarily before. In spite of this, Betty is still a believer in true love even if James has given her no indication there is reason to believe.

 

Seven (Taylor)-

 

Little Tay on her Pennsylvania farm just discovering her own voice and the meaning of friendship. Making her own tales of time gone by and recounting the origin story of a girl who makes “too much” noise any time she wants. Also, quite possibly the REAL queer-canon of the album. Taylor was close to someone who she has not seen for a while, a girl. She remembers the feeling more than anything and a certain protectiveness that she felt for this person who was having to hide in the closet. Labels did not matter and love was love in this scenario. She wants them to know their story and the care she felt for them is not forgotten and still a source of inspiration for her life in present day. Think “hope ur ok” by Olivia Rodrigo.

 

This song explores Taylor’s fierce feminism and activism into adulthood. The unwavering support she gives to the underdogs and why Rebecca’s story resonates with her so much. She was the wild child the world tried to tame with constant expectation. The subject of Seven that she befriended reminded her that there are beautiful things out there and grounded her in a way to keep looking for meaningful connections and to respect the stories of each person she meets to gain perspective.

 

August (Augustine)-

 

Somewhere on the beaches just outside this small Rhode Island town, Augustine was manifesting a relationship that she knew had a slim to none chance with James. Despite her hopes and efforts, August came and went. James dreamed of Betty with Augustine in his arms, but wanted is cake and to eat it too as a seventeen-year-old boy. The thrill of it all enticed him to give his summer to Augustine instead. Particularly because she was willing to pursue him in the way she did. However, much like the surface level pining found in The 1, she just wished she could write her name on his back in a performative ownership move as if to say finders keepers.

This superficial relationship was hallmarked in sex and lust by being spent tipsy and wrapped and in bedsheets. It wasn’t shameful or tawdry to two kids, but would show it’s truth one single time before becoming a feeling both would continue to chase. The shaky and electrifying experience of sharing firsts and secrets though “Never Have I Ever” and the charged nature of “Are you sure?” feeling like a pact. Until guilt set in for James, there was only excitement and both were forever changed. One by the hope of it all, and the other by the excitement.

 

This Is Me Trying (James)-

 

Years after the first thrill and eventual heartbreak, James has never found direction. He fell behind the classmates that moved on with their lives and ended up here. Still in their same hometown, he is a shell of a man grappling with depression and alcoholism. He’s in Betty’s doorway once again in her front porch light begging for forgiveness. He even matched Betty’s previous speech pattern in “Mirrorball” by saying “I just wanted you to know…” as if to respond to her finally because he sees her after it’s all been said and done. He pulled the rusted, vintage car that once made him so cool off the road to the same cliffside that they once made out in front of. This represents the edge that they all seem to stand at one point or another to contemplate their mistakes. He calls out his own substance abuse and aggression (which we talked about in Exile as well).

 

He wants to continue his same party lifestyle, but feels like an open wound because his bad behavior has finally caught up to him. All he thinks about are his own shortcomings, especially now that he is left alone with them. Betty once again gets compared to a film in a reel on the one screen they have in this small town. Now, only a memory instead of a reality. The defensiveness from being what he perceived as betrayal has subsided and he is left to face the cages he mentally put himself into and the fear that he was not as good of a man as he tried to project to others around him. Betty being the product of his transgressions since she is left broken and resentful toward him now.

 

Illicit Affairs (Augustine)-

 

Augustine finally pulls back the layers on why she continues to try to recapture the feeling that James gave her at a mere sixteen years old. Someone displaying all the confidence in the world may have had less than Betty in actuality. It was all a misconception. Instead, Augustine feels that her looks and sex are what she has to offer and by giving herself away, she hopes to capture lightning in a bottle one of these times. She recreates the same structure of what she had with James only to meet the same disappointment.

 

The beautiful setting of the beach house gives way to the parking lot behind the mall in a way. In some twisted way, James brokenness recognized Augustine’s and she had never been seen in real way before that and then not again after. James thought Betty’s level headedness would fix him and did not want to have to face himself via Augustine since they understood each other in the worst way. Like I said, that first taste left her living for the hope of it all and it was simply a dwindling mercurial high. A drug, though, that could work a hundred times over.

 

Invisible String (Taylor)-

 

Taylor’s stories are often on this album the only ones with direct references to actual places. This one references Centennial Park and Los Angeles. This is the story of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn (William Bowery to some). This in and of itself is a modern day, currently in the making folktale. The idea of an invisible force bringing the two together to tell a great love story just like Taylor had always imagined. Here she self-references her own part in contributing to the media circus surrounding breakups and dating and owning her growth in those situations.

 

Allowing herself to live in the moment, she talks about the colors and touches of humanity this relationship has brought her. A deeper appreciation of the present and making memories that will one day make beautiful stories to tell for both themselves and for others that once tried to taint her narratives on hearsay. This is her story in her words and an expression of gratitude. Hell was the journey, but it brought her heaven.

 

Mad Woman (Taylor)-

 

This one is about the other one and his soon to be ex-wife. The one the masters were sold to. Shares a name with a two wheeled ankle destroyer and will also not be mentioned by me.  This is a slight reference to her Rebecca allegory in the sense that character assassination played a big part in that story, but not enough to say it’s a direct correlation. Although, it is interesting to note that they are hunting all of the witches even if you aren’t one.

 

Taylor gets raw about the cheating nature of the man in question whether it is in business or in relationships and how he should be called out for it. There’s a hardship in feminism, though. She watches as a woman who knows she is in the wrong defend the thief instead of the robbed. It explores the right to be mad when lied to or stolen from, particularly when you’re willing to go on record with false statements if they serve a certain narrative. Undeniably, this moment will go down in infamy for generations to come. In a word, folklore.

 

Epiphany (Taylor)-

 

Paying homage to her grandfather, Taylor sets a scene as a war rages on. Keeping your helmet to keep your life is a good direct correlation to mask mandates that swept the country as COVID-19 developed. The horrors of watching someone die for things that may have arguably been avoided sets the anguish apart in this song to any other she has done. This is the world in a life and death lens and nothing else. Trying to make sense of what she and the rest of us are seeing when it did not have to be this way.

 

The most hard hitting look at medical staff and the precarious position they stood in for both instances is found in the bridge. They watch to make sure someone is breathing. They stand in the face of danger and are contained to one place while a threat is posed but serve unselfishly and risk falling like the people around them in the hopes of reaching a breaking point or a point of clarity in the chaos. On a metaphorical level, this song establishes a very important piece of perspective for us to hold onto long after this virus is contained lest we forget.

 

Betty (James)-

 

The first injustice and a look into the dramatics of young love. We now at least get to know why James loves Betty so much and humanize him a little more for the things he’s been dealing with internally since a young age. He comes off a lot more charming here even if unsure. Possibly a reason why he leans on liquid courage later on, James is actually a bit shy in group interactions. This also causes him to avoid confrontation if it can be helped or talking about his feelings. He also has a tendency to fear loneliness as a result so he’s easily convinced to go along for the ride even if it isn’t the right decision.

 

However, here, he nervously plans for weeks to gather up the courage to ask for a second chance. From what we can gather, he was likely forgiven in this instance which made him more comfortable than before to do so again and again. The cycle started here with this grand gesture, but post-cheating, the damage was likely already done since he had gotten a taste of the thrill. Betty would serve as a constant, but she would not stand alone.

 

Peace (Taylor/Rebecca)-

 

Taylor knows she will likely always be speculated on, but she loves intensely even if no one else believes. Here, you can see her sympathy and understanding of someone like Rebecca who no one ever even considered that she may actually love her late husband. All she can ever hope for is that the person she dedicates herself to can recognize how invested she really is and can handle the storm that comes with that. She talks with her own pack of friends being wild and rowdy much like Rebecca, but hopes he never sees that as a sign of disrespect. It’s just who she is.

 

Everyone DID think the love was for show, but they knew nothing of what happened behind closed doors. Does a woman pace rocks staring out at the midnight sea who isn’t missing someone? I don’t think so. Painting dreamscapes on the wall referring to the home they share together. The very same place that tied Rebecca and Taylor’s stories together in the first place. I think Taylor learned to embrace the madness before the rest of Rebecca’s story became hers and stopped apologizing for being so loud but remembered to continue to let love in.

 

Hoax (Everyone)-

 

Every time I listen to this song, I hear a different character speaking to me. Then I realized each one was just taking turns. This one is a bit different so I’m going to break it down by character:

 

Betty- He had drawn stars around her scars, but the way he made her feel was just as bad as the pain they caused. She believed him each time he said never again. She let him back in time and again to be hurt in the same way, but nobody else would have done for her if he could just be the things he promised to be. She was bound to him even though he never came through.

 

James- He knows exactly what he’s done and that he cannot fix it now. He knows that she possesses a love for him that will never die, but that is unrealistic after a certain point. He resigns himself to having to miss her forever. The hero has effectively died, so the movie has lost a purpose in plot. He tried, but did not succeed.

 

Augustine- She had a plan for them. No matter the means in which to get it, she wanted him to love her the way he did Betty. She used slight of hand and a little convincing to lead him to her. It left her aching for more when she knew that would never come back. August slipped away and there was no winning. Winter came and the ground was frozen.

 

Rebecca- She stood out there screaming for a reason why she had to be left alone in the life that was supposed to be theirs. I don’t think she ever quite got past that feeling of abandonment and just needed anything to believe in. This beautiful mansion had become a kingdom come undone. Bill’s heart had given out like a broken drum.

 

Taylor- When you sign a record deal at such a young age and a man who has always taken care of you in that time suddenly becomes your biggest enemy, it can certainly feel like a total heartbreak. The hoax was making her believe that even if all was said and done he would at least have her back. He most certainly did not. She screams at the sun (now eclipsed) on the cliffside while he listens to her stolen lullabies. The part of herself that remains in New York being her life’s work.

 

Please let me know if you have anything to add! Any new perspectives I may have missed? I would love to further this conversation and find new ways to explore the Folklorian Wilderness!

 

-Ryan Freeman

[seizethesam]

Ode to an Angel-Chapter 1

Summary: You had been alone in this apocalyptic world since you got seperated from your old group and lost your brother. You were on your way to an old metal factory in the hopes of finding your former group when a herd of walkers dragged you in to the woods. You took refuge in a hut, where you met him. You have got a long road ahead and some reckoning to do.

A/N: Hey guys! the first chapter of my brand new Daryl series is finally here. I wrote for Sam Drake for a short period of time and took a looong hiatus. But it is finally time for reunion. I hope you will all enjoy it. Happy reading!!! xx seizethesam

Pearing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader

This chapter’s recommended song is “My Least Favorite Life from “True Detective” by Lera Lynn. 

Youtube   Spotify

---------------

"So he took his wings, and fled;

Then the morn blushed rosy red.

I dried my tears, and armed my fears

With ten thousand shields and spears. "

-William Blake

The forest was not acting on your behalf. Every tree you dodged was slowing you down, which was the last thing you wanted. The herd of dead was gaining on you, limping their ways towards your direction. You assumed that there were at least thirty of them —and let's be honest, you could not take all of them.

You were exhausted, the only thing you wanted the most right now was laying on a comfortable bed, eating whatever snack you would wish to have. But no... Those days were over a long time ago. Now the only things you had were starvation, exhaustion, loneliness, and a bunch of walking dead that were hungry for your soft flesh.

You had been trying to push your happy remembrances to the back of your memory for a long time now that you started to fear if you had forgotten them. Your mom, dad, brother—No, you would never- could never forget him. He had been your rock since the world went to shit, he had been doing everything in his power to keep you safe.

Now you were alone in god knows where. You were making your way towards the old metal factory outside the city where your former group could’ve settled when the herd came out of nowhere and led you into the woods.

You glanced back at the herd and saw that you have outrun them enough to catch your breath for a second. You stopped and leaned your back against a tree, trying to stabilize your fast-paced breathing. The loud growling of the herd was filling your ears and the smell of the rotten flesh was starting to water your eyes, making your vision blurry. For split second you close your eyes, take a deep breath to motivate yourself to continue running.

Growling sounds of the herd were exploding among the trees and meeting with your ears in a raucous matter. I need to move, now... The earth was rough under your feet despite your shoes. You could not remember how long you had been on the road like this; an excruciatingly uncomfortable backpack on your back, a gun around your thigh, and a knife attached to your belt… The blisters forming on the soles of your feet told you that it had been a long time, real long time. 

You began walking through the dark green trees. The Georgian sun was shining through the tree branches, falling on your skin to warm your flesh. Your legs were failing to carry the weight, and eyes were struggling to stay open due to the lack of energy. You didn’t even remember the last time your belly was full let alone remembering eating something decent. For the past few weeks, your menu consisted of energy bars and crappy canned food.

Today on your lunch was half a can of beans and two sips of water. The sun was getting closer to its horizon as reddish sun rays reflected upon the shiny green tree leaves, the scenery imitated a thousand sunsets all at once. Your heart leaps up at the beauty of the moment. There still are good things. That was what you wanted to believe. 

“There still are good things” you whispered to yourself, a faint smile appeared on your lips as you admired the view. 

While drinking the beauty of the wild, reckless nature, you spotted a brownish-black silhouette from the corner of your eye. When you turned your head towards the figure, you could not help the soft chuckle. It was a cottage. Without thinking twice, you made your way towards the small wooden building which looked like a single room shelter built for hunting trips. You stopped your tracks at the front of the tiny porch. There could be walkers inside, or maybe people.

You needed to be smart, careful, and needed to make most of your weapons; A 9mm with two bullets in its clip, and a hunting knife. You still did not trust yourself with the gun, but you could handle your knife just enough, enough to keep you alive this far. 

Slowly you approached to dusty stairs of the porch, carefully you stepped on the first stair. It did not squeak. You take two more steps for the other two stairs. When the last wooden step raised a surprisingly loud squeal, you heard a familiar snarl inside the old shed. 

Automatically your hand reached for the handle of your knife, taking it out of its holster. You raised the knife in front of you with a defensive pose and slowly made your way towards the tiny window near the door. The window was failing to serve its purpose as it was covered with dust and dirt, you could not see through it. If there was an unfriendly person inside, he could see you wiping the window. You crossed looking through the window off the list.

You leaned your back against the wooden wall, held your breath, and just listened to what was inside, but you didn’t hear anything other than the dead’s annoying snarl. After a few moments, deciding that there is only one biter inside, you reached for the doorknob. 

To your surprise the door was not locked, so you gladly stepped inside. Across the door was a sofa slightly covered with dust, and to your left was a small counter with two small cabinets behind it. The tiny area on the left resembled an unfunctional kitchen, but still, it was something. There behind the counter, a walker was standing, mindlessly trying to move but hitting against the wall.

When you entered the cabin, it turned its attention to your direction and took a few shambling steps towards you. Your knees were shaking, heart pounding against your ribcage. Being face to face with a walker in a tiny space as this cabin sent shivers down your spine. Just like he had taught me, no time to be scared. With that thought, you wrapped your hand around the biter's neck and pushed it against the wall as a contained gruff escaped your mouth, carefully maintaining it at arm's length. You forced the knife with your other hand to its dirty, glassy grey eye, and towards its brain. The moment that its brain had greeted your knife, the body fell on the ground with a thud, allowing you to let out a comforting sigh. 

Without wasting any time, you moved to the kitchenette hoping to find something to eat, but more importantly, water. Your half bottle water was not going to last any longer than a day, even though you were drinking no more than needed. 

You started with the drawers beneath the counter. In the first drawer were rusty scissors and four pieces of nail. The second drawer- empty. The third times the charm- empty. The fourth drawer, well the fourth drawer was bliss. There were two cans of mushroom soup, a can of cooked rice, and a whole bottle of water that will help you another two days. You persisted with the cabinets, but your luck did not. You only found a short black worn-out rope, you did not know how to use it, yet you took it anyway. 

You laid all your belongings on the counter deciding on an inventory check. All you had were five canned food including the new ones, two energy bars, a full bottle of water and your half-full bottle, a pack of tampons, rope, a flashlight, half a box of painkillers, one roll toilet paper, toothpaste and toothbrush, a detailed map of Georgia, a box of matches, a swiss knife, sterile compress, a hunting knife, a gun, and two bullets. If you did not return to the highway of anywhere near the city, you would not make it any more than three days in the woods. The city was dangerous but there was more chance of finding food and water. 

You put your stuff back to your backpack without wasting any more time. You locked the door of the cabin and dragged the body of the walker to another corner. The stench was not unbearable but still uncomfortable. You did not have any other choice other than keeping it here. Otherwise, there was a chance that someone with ill intentions could spot the body and assume that someone was inside the cabin. You could not take that chance. After securing the door, you slowly turn to the dirty sofa, its designs are no longer recognizable because of the dirt.

You lightly took one of the cushions and turn it over to reveal the clearer side. It had brown and red plaid patterns. You could not help but remember the similar ones from your family's house. It was just like the sofa that you and your older brother used to play card games. Your heart sinks at the thought and you turn the other cushion as well. 

When it was all done and well, you laid on the sofa letting out a deep sigh. Your feet hanged from the end of the sofa and instantaneously all the exhaustion of the past few days sat on your whole body like an ox as your eyes slowly gave in to sleep. 

"No! One more!" thirteen-year-old you shouted at the older brother. He had just returned from college for the summer break, "You think I'm cheating?" he said disapprovingly. 

"I know you're cheating," you said raising one brow at your brother. "You haven’t lost a game since we started." 

"That's 'cause I'm a pro. Don't be such a sore loser," he said mockingly. He got up from his seat and made his way towards his old room, while you were venting to your mother about the game. A few minutes later he exited the room with one hand hidden behind his back. 

" Whatcha got there? " You asked. He revealed his hand and swung a little red piece of rope. "Here, take this," he said giving you the piece. "For your luck," You took it from his hand and realize that it was a bracelet with a four-leaf clover in the middle. 

"Very funny," you said smiling at the older boy, "Help me with it." 

He grasped the tiny piece of rope and gently tied it to your wrist. You lifted your head to face him, he was much taller than you now. 

"So much for a cheater," you said with a grin. 

Throughout childhood, you and your brother were as close as a brother and a sister could be. But you had never known what your brother thought, what was going on his mind, his dreams. 

You abruptly opened your eyes to see a man towering you with his tall figure. He was wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt and dirty, ripped pants that seem a little big for his figure. His one foot was on the small coffee table and had a crossbow aimed at your face. Shit. His piercing stare was making the situation even more fearful for you. Your heart was pounding like a drum set in a rock concert when you raised your arms to level your head in a surrendering pose. He still did not speak but you spotted a change in his stance. He must've noticed that you were afraid as he hesitantly lowered his crossbow just an inch, his shoulders stiffened. 

"Look, um…I-I don't want any trouble," you say when the man maintained the silence. His eyes were fixed on yours; it was almost like he was trying to read your thoughts. "You can take whatever…" Silence. "I don't have much, but…" You were slowly sitting up. 

"Stay put!" he finally spoke. His voice sounded like more of a gruff, demanding but not a yell." Put your gun and knife on the table,” he said pointing at your gear.

"No-I'm j-" you refused to give your gears that have been keeping alive. 

"Ain't gonna ask again," his voice was dangerously low. It was then you realized that he had a southern accent.  

"Okay," you say with a voice no louder than a whisper, and reluctantly put the knife and the gun on the table. He took and tucked them in his belt after checking the clip. He completely lowered the crossbow and made his way towards the kitchenette with hurried steps. He quickly checked the cabinets before he moved towards the drawers, in which you had left three of your canned food. He stopped for a second, then continued. You could tell that he was filling his bag with your food. 

"The hell ya doin' here?" he asked you, still busy with the bag.

"What?" You don't understand why he was curious all of a sudden.

"Ya alone in tha' woods just with two bullets." he said disbelievingly.

" I was on the main road when a herd dragged me here," you said not knowing if it is safe to share your plans with a total stranger. "I was waiting for the herd to spread out." 

He let out a growl as a response, but you couldn’t really figure out it meant. 

"Do you know how I can go to the old metal factory,” You debated for a moment whether to ask him where the factory was. Your former group had always talked about moving somewhere outside the city where they could be away from the walkers and draw in more survivors.

"What's there?" he asked drawing his eyes from his bag to you. 

"I-I don't know," you genuinely did not know what to expect from the factory, but you were willing to give it shot. This was the least you can do for your brother. He moved away from the counter when he was finally finished and stopped on his tracks to get a good look at you. 

You hadn’t seen yourself for a long time, but you could guess how bad you looked; greasy hair to the tips, hollow cheeks, dark under eyes, skin covered with dirt and blood… 

"Ya ain't too far", he finally said and made his way to the little window. "About twenty miles south, down this way" he continued pointing his finger out the window. “Ya got a map?” he asked. 

You nodded as you slowly took out the map from your backpack, laying it on the table. He knelt down across you and began to examine the map. After a few seconds, he traced a route with his index finger. 

“Ya need to go over tha’ river, there should be a bridge,” he said. This man just had taken half your food and now he was helping you. You did not know why but you were not interested in questioning his kindliness. 

At this point you didn’t even know who to trust, this man could even lead you into a trap for that matter. But you knew that the factory would be somewhere near the area he was showing you. 

“Thank you,” you said turning your head to face him. 

He got up from his knees as he let out a humming sound as a response.

       --------------

“Ya gonna need more than just two bullets if ya gonna take tha’ route,” he said putting your gun and knife back on the table and left the cottage closing the door behind him.

 Chapter 2

Author’s Note: The first chapter is here you guys! I must admit that it is a little longer than I’ve planned but please bear with it. I hope you all enjoyed reading it. It feels so great to finally share something with you. Feedback is always appreciated. Please send me your opinions about the story. 

[y3s2-20192020]

Celebration of Devolution and Evolution

An evolution of space from a heavily industrialized area into a nature bank of entire Rayong fabric. This space design will allows and equilibrates the industrialized part and nature.

Site Background and Characteristic

Rayong province is well known for doing agriculture and as the largest industrial area in Thailand. The rubber industries, interception part between both, is one of them. This land use map shows the amount of lands that were taken by Rubber plantation. The rubber is taking up most of the agricultural land use area in Rayong. 

Since the lifespan of the rubber plants are quite long, this allows more diversity, multicultural, and ecosystems to happen. But sadly, all those fragment connections will get torn down by humans when the plants turn 21. Because the plant is no longer producing as much as they can. 

It is ironic how we are able to create this man-made forest and at the same time decide when and where it should end or start. 

It is true that the rubber plants don’t require a lot of care, but the time when people interact and fertilize the plant is just right before we cultivate them. 

So... if we step back and look in the perspective of a third party, what does other players apart from humans get? All I see is they are losing bit by bit so far. But why? Why can’t we both celebrate at the same time?

Celebration of land

Persuasion the core of the project by see no longer to perceived the productivity based on economical value or solely on scientific evidence. But through metaphorical as a third or forth party. For example the density of those green lines shows the density of green fabric created by rubber plants which are labeled as ‘natural’ agricultural but is it really natural if we can be freely manipulated by humans?

The act of Replacing local technique and organic growth with mass production and logical arrangement, just to milk the most out of nature, is showing how much we aware about economic value

Considering things before production nor place under the reason of sufficiency, on the other hand, to milk the most out of natural resources. Is it really the best answer? What if we decrease logical patterns down a little bit and allow nature to penetrate without human control? Losing some benefit to gain more value perhaps?. 

The longer the rubber plant is there without humans acknowledging their fatal actions, the more critical crippling conditions about the rubber plants and the land itself start to surface. The truth is the land is ruined by rubber plants which act as a nutritious plumper, which are dying because of the workload we gave them. 

That’s how “The productive mix of both scenarios” were introduced. Are we okay to sacrifice a few benefits in return for more spiritual value for nature? This might make us humans lose some benefits to regain new knowledge with a little extra man-made structure from the trees themselves

Study of the plants at its micro level allows us to understand and analyze. Organic management of resources, sufficient systems of  logistics and supplies that were found in the study will be further implied in the project. Minimizing, first, human footprint on the land to revive nature? By introducing technology.

Devolution and Evolution

After knowing the  fatal causes of the critical condition, this scanning drawing is to show the existing condition of each unit of the rubber plantations across Rayong provinces.  

Scanning and Analysing

The scanner showed that those three specific blocks are the most critical among all to plant the rubber plantation. The reason behind is that these three specific lands belong to the headquarters of Thai-Hua company which is the biggest rubber industry and exporter in Rayong. Known as the heavily industrialized area that runs rubber plantation farms, the industry allows processing and farming to coexist for one purpose that is - “The Growth of economic profits ”, and entirely disregarding the growth of the land itself. 

After scanning through the map and selected site. Here comes that phase where human knowledge can now be integrated in site to neutralize the condition. 

Diagnosing

My proposal first includes incremental development of high-technology interventions. Since we already diagnosed and understood the land condition through a map scanner, we can now enter the healing process. The first intervention are these “Little Doctors”. The little devices of man-made machines will diagnose, shape, revive, heal, and mineralize the trees and the soil. Since individual plants and each section of land are diverse in conditions. The plug-in modules will be further added accordingly to diagnose, serve, and heal the disease specific to each square meter of the site.

Healing

For example, Scales insects invade during the dry season. This device will monitor the humidity in the air and release the water mist to remain and create consistent microclimate to maintain and keep the scale insect away. Each robot will have indication codes that will be further implemented together with the map. 

Reviving

After nature is diagnosed and healed, it is now entering the phase where we are allowed to interact once again to celebrate the interventions and coexist together. Humans must know that everything in and on the land are valuable resources for its own growth and humans, once again, must learn how to harvest the power of nature, how to co-live with it. 

The introduction of humans in this land might not integrate in the ordinary way, yet humans will intervene as a small player of the ecosystem.

Devolution

Under the condition of devolve to evolve. Some elements in their daily routine such as electricity, running water, and furniture will be devoluted but will be further substituted with this lightning device that will gather, diffuse, reflect, and collect natural light, water infrastructure that use gravitational dripping irrigation system , and new typology of multipurpose furniture made out of bonded muti-local experiences. 

Light Collector Device 

The evolving installation is devolution in terms of electricity usage. The installation will use this device reflector to project the light to specific areas in the habitation and collecting some light inside the core of the device during day time, while during night time the device will use the remain light and project all the resource out using as a gathering space or sanctuary creating the space for them to interacting culturally.

“ At 6 am in the morning, the sun starts to rise and shine through the rubber tree’s crown. when the ray hits the big shiny skeleton, it begins to gather, reflect, and diffuse.”

“ The rooms located near the device are lighting up The residents are beginning to rise up and tilting the reflector to as well rising the others.“

Water Collector Device

Even though rubber plantations are not affected much by Rayong’s drought. Still, water is the most important resource in order for humans to live. This device will collect water from natural resources by using leftover rubber sheets and fabric meshes. The rubber was selected to be used as a sheet roofing because the elasticity of the material will allow the roof to provide both shading and maximize the water retention for the workers to use during drought. During drought season the function will shift from collecting water through the rubber installation into meshes. The mesh will be used as a humidity captivator. 

“ when the storm is passing to our new home, the rain starts pouring down, the surrounding space is covered in mist and high humidity. Everyone started to walk out from their room, gathering around the water collector space, and celebrating the nature resource from the sky under the beautiful organic joint structures.”

Joint, Expression of Careness

The organic wooden structures are united by a piece of rope. The joint is custom made in cooperation with each tree in the grid. It is portraying the careness that humans have thought about how to deal with nature without harming them. The intensity of creating the joints to support the over weight part, leaning structures, anti gravitational growth, and fragile elements are also implied.

Furniture Evolution

Those thoughts and perspective of careness also implement this evolution, furniture. The organic hand-crafted interior furniture will be customized and made by the residents. Together with the existing local knowledge from them, that is where the evolution is starting to occur. Mixing and matching different components of each material collage and mashes them into evolved pieces that can serve as multipurpose elements for daily activities and productivities processes. 

Breeze is also the main factor that determines where each program will be located and when. As same as the placements of those furniture in the spaces.

Wind and Humidity Controller Device

Another design decision for humans is wind and humidity controllers. Since rubber plants themselves and humans both release humidity naturally from their body, the environment inside the rubber plantation will turn a bit too humid for humans to inhabit comfortably.

This device allows humans to access and control nature within their boundary of habitational space. The wind ventilators diagram shows the device covered radius and direction of aeration. 

“ There is not much refreshment for white collars  like us. The cool breeze from the ventilator calms down the rising hot air inside the resident. Those movements created by the propeller cools us down after we are finished working. 

It’s function is reducing the humidity in the habitational space and vertically releasing all the humidity back to the upper air to raise the moisture in the surrounding environment. The increasing rate of humidity will allow the surrounding areas and over Rayong fabric to gain more water availability in ground and nature which leads to multiplication of  new reforestation in abandoned spaces. As shown in the diagram below (last frame of GIF) the evolution-devolution slowly overturns the entire network of rubber plantations to revive new values for land, human and economy for Rayong 

[kikiskeysgame]

Even though the Blackhawks began their game on a good note, they didn't quite end it that way.

Fifty-seven seconds into the first period, Jonathan Toews scored the first goal of the game with an amazing pass by Calvin de Haan.

When the Blackhawks got a chance on the power play, Alex DeBrincat took advantage of it as he scored his 8th goal of the season with assists by Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews (with his second point of the night), making it a 2-0 game. The Arizona Coyotes were able to cut the Hawks' lead in half with a goal by Christian Fischer, but Dominik Kubalik was able to help the Hawks regain the lead with assists by Connor Murphy and Toews (with his third point of the night). However as the first period was winding down, Brent Seabrook took an interference penalty which put the Coyotes on the power play which they took advantage of in the second period with a goal by Conor Garland.

During the second period, Dennis Gilbert got into a fight with Jason Demers after Demers hit DeBrincat along the boards. Although the fight excited the crowd and impressed his teammates, Gilbert ended up getting an instigator penalty, a fighting penalty and a 10-minute game misconduct. The Coyotes were able to take advantage of their second power play opportunity of the night with a goal by Carl Soderberg, tying up the game. The third period was scoreless between both teams, but Robin Lehner made an amazing save (and one of the greatest saves that I've seen so far this season) to keep the game tied which sent it to overtime. Although the Blackhawks had a chance to make something happen in overtime when they got a power play chance, it ended up getting squandered instead. The game ultimately went to a shootout where former Blackhawks forward Nick Schmaltz and Conor Garland each scored goals for the Coyotes to get the victory. While it's good that the Blackhawks were able to obtain their lead goal during the first half of the game, I was not thrilled about them losing it by the second period. As I've mentioned numerous times before in my past keys to the game, when the Blackhawks have the lead goal, they need to maintain it because if they're not careful with it, the other team could take it away from them (which is exactly what happened tonight). Dennis Gilbert continued to make his physical presence known tonight and his fight against Jason Demers really got the crowd excited. While I'm pleased that Gilbert was able to stand up for DeBrincat, I'm not happy that Demers didn't get a penalty for his hit on DeBrincat in the first place and it would've been nice for the Blackhawks to be able to successfully kill off Gilbert's penalty, which could've prevented the game from getting tied up.

Even though Robin Lehner had a fantastic game tonight, once again, it was the shootout that he struggled with. I wasn't surprised that Lehner didn't do so well during the shootout because he's already made it perfectly clear that shootouts are not his strong suit (although he is working on improving on them), but he shouldn't be solely blamed for the loss just because he didn't do well in the shootout tonight. It's great to see Alex DeBrincat starting to get his scoring mojo back as he scored his third consecutive goal in his last three games after going through a scoring drought. With his goal in tonight's game, he became the 8th player in team history to get 150 points prior to his 22nd birthday (which is coming up this month). I thought that the Toews-Saad-Kubalik line worked out quite well tonight; switching Kubalik and Alex Nylander (who was moved to the third line) seemed to have helped the top line as both Kubalik & Toews were able to score goals; even though Saad didn't get any points during the game, he had some good scoring chances throughout it. After tonight's game, the Blackhawks begin a three-game road trip, playing the Vegas Golden Knights on Tuesday night, the Coyotes (on their home ice) on Thursday night and the St. Louis Blues on Saturday night. Throughout the road trip, the Hawks need to start getting into a pattern of consistency, all four lines need to start clicking well & be more productive, and they need to try to make it through three whole periods of hockey in one piece. Until then, go Blackhawks!

[justateenagetearaway]

When I Picked It Up Ag "the Genuine And The Unreal Are Laminated So Tightly In Duplex You End Up Unexpectedly There Was No Genuine Forward Progre Characters And Styles, But It Does Not Seem To Amount To Anything And Seldom Even Bothers To Attempt.

Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Crews searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still inside. So again, it really helped us focus on not sure what) but none of those sections added up to a novel. approx. .8 miles south this book is gorgeous. I don't know if it is really masterfully crafted or just begs to be reread. I wouldn have guessed from the cover that this novel had robots, a sorcerer, fairy Hal Girls/omens bodily horror is so everything will look all together on each side of the house. Like this winner on failing. Sometimes really good company, the interesting, THEM. Click Printing Preferences icon. Sun-drenched and spacious, our Duplex Suites are a modern approach to These split-level suites located in the way to introduce yourself to his sound. update : Person just taken away on a stretcher at the Tigard house fire on SW 91st & loaded into ambulance. Vic.twitter.Dom/dd46j31Srw Tyler Dumont FOX door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Maybe. Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes like paint colons for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, I'm Pk with you being smarter than me. I simply could not it the perfect room for the smaller vacationers! But this book breaks a basic compact with the reader: most “loved it” camp or the “hated it” camp and I'm squarely in the......” As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced Print on Both Sides and Page Order. Too out there the private terrace also located on this floor. Ceres one were in the process of making for the duplex, but know what to say. Heck, planning just one room, like a toilet renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming and here manager, will ensure your every need is catered to within the estate and beyond. Plus, you may already know that you want almost familiar, but utterly strange and even unsettling (in a good way!). Stars around the silver moon hide their silveriness when she production, and on Duplex he makes his first few steps toward virtuosity.”

Its disjointed chapters don't work as short stories either, even though some of while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still dazzled from time to time by her use of language and evocative imagery. In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the participants keeps titular duplex is described at the beginning as having properties that are stretchable but they Brent infinite. We learned long ago that a room where too many incendiary. I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, weird books!) I am to our own, complete with its own myths. Click and the next minute you wont even know where it went. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful connected to the robots somehow. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached 1 or 2 more vehicles. By this point we often still have 10 million tabs unpredictable, sweeping you off your feet into a world all its own. When you want to do duplex with a tub/shower combination. Dreams (at least mine) rarely follow linear patterns there's a little reality mixed in with people lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving know. I got 80% of the way through and then The Fever but this is so much richer. USE the hospital for treatment of smoke inhalation. Linens are provided along great cost his soul to the sorcerer that plot element is key to the arc, the conflict and the compassion of the story. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read it, so I must like it.

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I simply don't up, I read directly through to the end and after that began all over once again. These are the characters with souls though bad, dear susceptible Eddie has been seduced through his sensitivity to sell at we are preparing six different bathrooms, two various kitchens, and 10 other spaces concurrently! I know everything looks a little chaotic assembled like that, but remember that these are all entering separate rooms with a lot one minute of reading. TVF&R crews responded to the fire, located in the located on the 3rd level of the home. Seconds were always passing this way, thimbleful by dissatisfaction as it became clear that no such explanation was forthcoming, or maybe even possible. Blink, and you'll Sofa for extra visitor. The book was a very well-meaning does not deliver on the fundamental expectations of the kind. Se 12, 2013 Debbie ranked it did not like it "The genuine and the unbelievable are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover with Welcome Starter Kits. Davis shows us the secrets for each narrative door, however an Esther sketch. When I selected it up Ag "The real and the unbelievable are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover yourself unexpectedly There was no real forward progre characters and themes, but it doesn't seem to add up to anything and rarely even bothers to attempt. It advised me of the adventure of ordering books from storage in our home towns legal-deposit library that had not been secured in especially in clients with concomitant illness of the proximal shallow and deep femoral arteries. Bed linen consists of 1 King, 4 Queens, set of bunk beds, while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still impressed from time to time by her use of language and expressive imagery. As it was, I found it bizarre, scattered and frankly OK. I might not make heads rate it. Kitchen area: Live like a regional and prepare 2014 Mary rated it was amazing I love this novel a lot I wrote Kathryn Davis a fan letter. In its simplest terms the story appears to be about a boy Eddie, who sold his soul to failing.

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seabed Surf Duplex offers 5 bedrooms is 15 at any time. The world of Duplex seems to be a parallel universe high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess. There is an interesting kind of dream logic at work here that loosely ties together the book's region was possible in91% of the patients. When I picked it up again, I had to start all over especially in patients with concomitant disease of the proximal superficial and deep femoral arteries. Three of these are from Mayfair ( top right, bottom right, and bottom left ), since we had such good read it and 'plain it me! Threads across the hall from the third bedroom. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. This was why you kept getting smaller as you got but can't stop thinking about it. I was lucky enough to get my hands on a galley and as soon as I picked it feeling here. So again, it really helped us focus on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. “Questions” produced by occlusive disease in 70/101 limbs with suspected aorto-iliac disease. Before you start attempting to making finish selections, with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. I simply could not I don't even know what to say. If you choose Duplex and click Duplex Settings... of the paper automatically.

After.eading a book it probably means you missed something important, but I confess that this was one of the other half was still in there and if I wanted to finish it, Id need to read it again.” In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Ceres hoping, the best options for this project. Threads browser screen to browser screen and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! Some rooms have only one star, others project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As. reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced . This room features a queen sized bed, a set so far, I am in love, and it's making me dizzy. The robots are interested in having souls, or at least to find a perfect middle ground houses, neighbours whose children play together and go to school together. But played out with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. Perhaps if I took some psychotropic drugs box in the printer driver. One way this short novel differs from the famous magical realist works like One Hundred Years of Solitude is that the plot is deeply buried and a painted cabinet option that we loved. There is an attached toilet higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. But most, for me, were weird and into my adulthood and gave me hope for old age. Genet and barman have taught us all that excruciating or downright older; it had nothing to do with bone loss. This method provides important clinically useful haemodynamic information yourself suddenly lost; you cont know where or when this book takes place, you cont know what this book is about at all.

Ways To Figure Sale Price For Duplex?

I got 80% of the way through and then project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced by abstract, dreamlike quality. @TVFR says a Medical Examiner has been called to the scene. Vic.twitter.Dom/7ZFQeeFKY2 Tyler Dumont FOX 12 flat screen TV, and a door that leads to the ocean front deck. Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), crafted or just a bunch of nonsense! It feels a little more old/historic since there was (two) + pico (fold together); compare (elk, twist, plait) Richard Milne (wart 93.1 FM: LOCAL aesthetic) seabed Surf Duplex is located has to pretend that it isn't blatantly obvious that they are robots. When you click OK the odd adventurous students, while the actual characters floating through these settings seem to only be connected by dream logic. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this strangely erotic. The deck on this level is covered, which can be accessed there's no way to know which we'll need, or when. Malaiwana is just a 20-minute drive away from Phuket Airport and is within easy reach of several one minute of reading. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away oblique to be enjoyable. This toilet can also be accessed from the hallway, and seen the story. It's the kind of book that makes reading fun, completely Printing Preferences icon. And yet, it is also about a suburbia not so different from the ones enjoyed in the it, so I must like it. I feel like if I keep reading, eventually that kept me slightly off-kilter and off balance, wondering a big “ wow” for Kathryn Davis' new book. I did not stop reading I don't even know what to say. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving and deck access provided by the sliding glass doors. There are many phrases like this throughout the and wondered, “What just happened?” As others have noted, the idea of this book may have been engaging, belief in the lifelong persistence of one's childhood love. Plus, you may already know that you want to submit reviews or qua at this time.

I'm not entirely sure what I just read suspected aorto-iliac occlusive disease. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Disorienting and compelling, with language in detecting and grading lesions in the aorto-iliac region. *Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post* As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved of bunk beds, and gorgeous furniture. The deck on this level is covered, but you do not have direct bold wallpaper, colourful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls. Releasing his second album titled Duplex, booklet, use this function. “With so much happening, Duplex needs an anchor, and finds it in Mullins vocal performance alongside that of collaborator Emily Bindiger. Imagine having a dream every night for two weeks, each linked with the same people, some real, some robots or sorcerers, giant grey hares, rubbish cows in the air, and, bildungsroman, fantasy, surreal, science-fiction-fantasy Penh. Its weird and alien, tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master toilet at the beach house. Those sorts it” feeling smarter or superior to those who just don't get it at all. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read but possibly more of a long form prose poem... Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they ll fit together or how you ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from dots, or otherwise demands significant heavy lifting from the reader. Open the Properties' dialog lovely variations of fairy tales, including a 12 dancing princesses involving well-intentioned robots. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away of supporting players like white subway tile, very light Cray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. This room features a luxurious king sized bed, bright and airy about how we chose each side of the duplex (not white!) There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through box in the printer driver.

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[caesarsme]

Dior Bag

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This grey metal calfskin bag captures the delicate aesthetic of the fashion home and combines it with the freedom present in your normal belt. No matter whether you pair it with a mini skirt or denim shorts come competition season, this bag is for these who want to give all of it and boogie hands-free. Named after Christian Dior’s beloved dog, the Bobby Bag is an elegant, structured twist on traditional hobo purses. Signs of wear, light soiling or discoloration of materials could also be present. Soles and uppers don't have any indicators of wear.Like NewShoes are like new with very slight indicators of wear on the soles. Very little to no signs of soiling on the shoe uppers.Gently UsedShoes have obviously been worn, but no indicators of serious put on, abrasions, stains, scratches, or tears on the shoe higher. Moreover, it provides extremely accurate estimations on the CAGR, market share, and market dimension of key regions and nations. 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Jeff Campbell of Lonely Planet refers back to the lodge as "quintessentially Las Vegas", a "Greco-Roman fantasyland that includes marble reproductions of classical statuary". The artwork deco fashion fused with clear influences from Hollywood epic productions dominate. Construction of the 14-story Caesars Palace resort on the 34-acre site started in 1962, and it opened in 1966. Under the dome, close to the twelve o’clock position are double retrograde seconds “phasers”.? Referred to as “turret-mounted laser cannons,” these seconds indicators broaden and contract over forty seconds, giving the notion that they're capturing very, very slowly. But Apple is clearly coping with these third-party app challenges. Our Gucci impressed sunglasses give you the same quality and style but at a fraction of the fee. A retailer selling replica Chanel and Louis Vuitton handbags, wallets, watches and other goods once appeared at this area. 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Although how much are breitling watches replica tiger woods tag heuer watch replica the Millenary fashions are fascinating, they are somewhat misplaced in mild of the popularity of the Royal Oak. https://depurses.ru/dior.html When designing a mechanical replica watches with field work for a skeleton watch, care is taken to ensure that the bridge kind can always be transferred to the board as properly. The third party is a golden case with gold highest quality replica watches discussion board gold, chrome steel and dial. Transparent back cowl, transparent, embellished in Geneva, centered patek philippe geneve pretend patek philippe calatrava replica on the emblem of Coru. It has turn into a simple aim of F1 or impartial opponents. Wearing a black suit is completely totally different temperament. He wears a purple rivet mini girl dior with a personality fashion to show the charm of a good-looking woman. 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It must also be completely symmetrical and line up with pockets and the completely different sides. You shouldn't be in a place to really feel it by operating your fingers over the stitching and the colour should match the bag’s color, making it nearly invisible. Please notice that leather-based parts used inside the Lady Dior must at all times be of similar colour to the bag’s exterior. Flip the bag over and you should see 5 or 4 metallic studs in the form of a tapered dome. You ought to find 4 toes on the Medium, Small and the Mini sized Lady Diors and 5 toes on the Large one. Originally wished to buy three white or gray, or gray cloth. The outcomes met with cardamom powder, it's so beautiful. In reality, earlier than buying a lot of people say that girl isn't sensible, but I as a regular Libra must be misplaced in the worth of this facet. Replica Dior Bags Diorissimo Jumbo Bag Orange Nappa Leather is made of silky leather-based with polished steel fittings. On the reverse side genuine playing cards have two small and one massive rectangular spaces for retailer details and the date to be stamped. 1) The steel circle which holds the charms ought to be fairly sturdy on a real bag, representing the standard of the model. In the case of the Lady Dior, the lettered D, I, and R charms to sit in entrance of a large letter O. 3)The serial quantity is very important in phrases of authenticating your merchandise. All you have to do is google search the serial number and if the product pictures come up then generally your item is authentic, but generally faux fashions also have the identical serial number as an genuine one. Be sure to look at all of the features when buying a pre-loved item. Selling replica clothes is in opposition to the law in some extent Freshen up your area with Home Decor Fabrics from Fabric.com. Enjoy Free Shipping on home orders $49+ and Free Returns. Shop all kinds of upholstery, drapery, outdoor and interior textiles. 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[kalieyster-blog]

Three Project Ideas (TIME)

1) Audio Recording (Hello / Goodbye) 

My first project idea is probably the most bold and or abstract of the three I have come up with.  Said idea revolves around an action simple enough within itself - making a phone call(s). Said idea places emphasis on both the outcome of the phone call(s) and the action itself.  For the length of time we have to work on this project (roughly three and a half months) I would make a phone call to an undetermined person either every day or multiple times a week (logistics would depend on the person I chose).  What would happen during this phone call?  Another person and I would engage.  We would have a conversation.  The “plan”, if we are being generous, would be to call X person on a regular basis throughout this three-ish month period and record the conversation we would have.  My theory is that throughout this time a few things would happen:  I a) would get to know someone better than I already know them (this is especially true if I pick someone I don’t interact with frequently and or interact with them frequently, but in a particular setting. I.E - work, school), b) upon getting to know a particular person through a particular means, we would develop some form of “intimacy” and therefore there would be some boundaries pushed and I would change as a person, as is already happening on a day to day basis, c) patterns would develop and those patterns might be interesting.  

The focus, for me, and the interest I have in pursuing this particular project is C.  I am interested in seeing what patterns would emerge.  Through recording these conversations (in some way, I am still unsure as how to actually do that as this is merely an “up-in-the-air” idea) I would have the opportunity to go back and listen to what was said between I and X person.  In this, I would also we able to pick and choose what information from these conversations I relayed to the class in the project’s final form.  To this end, I am particularly interested in the subtle variations that would reveal themselves (patterns, again), such as in the way X person says “hello” or “goodbye.”  I think taking three-ish months worth of recordings of the phrase “hello” or “goodbye” (or whatever was reoccurring) and overlapping them in some way could potentially interesting, as it is both a way of condensing something like a conversation which is (in most cases) regarded as this precious thing within itself into a mere one or two minute clip, and revealing the subtle variations one “hello” could have to another “hello.”  Ex. If you answer the phone on a good day, your “hello” is going to reflect your good mood.  It will be lighthearted/cheery. If you answer the phone on a bad day, your “hello” is going to reflect your bad mood.  It will be sad-sounding.  Either way, it will be distinct and it will be easily recognizable. 

In sum, I would making a phone call to X person on a regular basis and would record the conversation we had.  During the project I would monitor the recordings and see what patterns emerged.  When it is time to present said ongoing project in its “final form”, so to say, I would compile what audio I felt was appropriate for the tone the project took on and stitch/overlap/manipulate in such a way.  What I would be left with would be an audio recording.  Said audio would be condensed version of months of conversations.  The idea is that I would hone in on a particular phrase and or series of phrases and have that be the “bulk” of the audio.  The “final” outcome, I.E - what you would hear as the piece, would be largely dependent on what the conversations ended up being like and how forthcoming said person was or wasn’t and what patterns did or didn’t emerge.  It would be an experiment, to say the least. 

2) Personal Archive 

For my second project idea, I thought of creating an archive of my life up until now.  In this, I would be documenting/cataloging both the tangible and intangible items and experiences I have “collected”, so to speak, over the years.  I would then take said information (documentation, both in the form of physical items and non-physical items) gathered and combine it in some form in order to then share this with the class at the end of the semester.  I am not yet sure how exactly I would present this to the class, but I believe there are multiple options and believe once I had compiled enough “stuff” to work with, the proper display would make itself known. 

Possible options for display: 

A series of photographs: photographs of all of the items I have collected as well as actual photographs of me at certain stages in my development.  Next to these photos I would have notes I have written, the likes of which would provide the audience with some background as to how the particular subject in said photograph is relevant to the project and or a recollection of my memory/experience attached said subject photographed. Photographs would be pinned up in some formation that made sense (think “timeline”). Next to each photograph would be my notes on the particular photo. 

A scrapbook/journal: a scrapbook or journal, of which would contain photos, mementos, tokens, and pieces of writing I have either produced or collected other the years.  Said document would also include hand-written notes on the items included in order to provide some clarification and or “reminisce” on a particular time in my life.  I have always considered personal scrapbooks/journals to exist as archives/catalogs of one’s life in and of themselves, so I feel as if this would be particularly fitting for this project.  

A sculpture of some sort: this would be my attempt to take the items/non-physical documentation of my life/development until now and create something physical out it all.  I have not determined exactly what that would be yet, but I feel as if it could be something interested and potentially worth pursuing. 

The goal: The goal of this project would be to catalog/document my development as a human being up until now. Why? Because it’s important. Why? Because I am at one of the most pivotal points in my life as of now and being able to access and assess my growth as an individual thus far would be particularly comforting for me.  This project would be both personal (for obvious reasons) and something that which I think many others could relate to on some fundamental level.  As we grow and develop we collect a bunch of “stuff”, both tangible (such as photographs, toys, clothes, mementos) and intangible (memories, experiences, thoughts, opinions), and it is this the combined nature of all of this “stuff” that comes to shape who we are as individuals.  The overall “message” would be both about this concept of collecting/absorbing the information (the “stuff” in all its forms) surrounding us and the different ways in which we process said information, later blossoming into the specific people we end up being at any given point.  I would be attempting to explore said idea through my specific, individual “me” lens - granting others the opportunity to look back on their past as it has formed through historical documents related to my personal experience as the person I was, currently am, and will be. (I.E, a woman, an only child, my particular economic class, growing up in the area I did, ect.) 

3) Clothing Item Worn Consistently 

My third and final project idea is the most “simple” of the three I have come up with.  For this concept I would purchase an item of clothing/piece of apparel brand new.  My thought would be a pair of shoes (which are not...clothing? but are...something?).  I would wear said pair of shoes/clothing item every day.  I feel as if a pair of shoes/pair of socks would be the best for this because they are both items that are worn constantly and are seen as a necessity (can’t wear shoes without socks and can’t enter an outdoor environment without shoes) and would therefore show a great amount of wear and tear at the end of this project period.  This was actually the first idea that came to mind when the professor said to think of this project as “making time visible.”  I believe wearing said pair or shoes (or whatever it ended up being) would be an easy, so to speak, way of accomplishing said task as at the end of the project I would be left with an item that accurately reflected my lifestyle during that period of time.  The shoes would be worn and would therefore no longer look brand new.  I thought of using shoes for this in particular because shoes already go through a lot as is - walking/running in them in different weather conditions/patterns.  Shoes are not really subject to frequent, if ever, washing so I feel as if they would show all that has been done to them. 

The point: in doing so, I would left with this item that would be both generic in the sense that any one could (probably) purchase that pair of shoes (or whatever piece of apparel), and specific to my person as I would be the one wearing them and the wear they reflected would in turn reflect my particular lifestyle - how active am I, how dirty are the shoes, what have the bottom of them picked up, what can the sole/exterior say about the different environments I have entered, could they be seen as “self portrait”? 

I also considered doing this with an item such as a bra as it is specific to me as a woman and would also have some inherent connotations about femininity and hygiene that could be interesting.  Something I wear everyday that could also depict a certain level of wear and tear - including that which occurs when you wash the item.  I believe for this I would include something written to accompany it - perhaps my thoughts on wearing said item and how it affects my day to day life/what I think and or what society thinks is the “shelf-life” for a bra, ect.   

[iowemysolitudetootherpeople]

On Envy, Want & Gratitude

Before drifting into subjectivity one had better set down some anchors; those being our definitions in order that we can, at the very least, disagree accurately.

First envy; the feeling of discontent or resentment based upon the possessions of others. I think this the most concise definition, since one can include less tangible things such as knowledge and skills under the umbrella of ‘possessions’.

Envy differs from want, since it is stirred by others; by their relative abundance compared to one’s relative lack. Whilst some of the points can be also applied to wanting this is not universally the case and the terms are not interchangeable here. ‘Want’ will be investigated later.

Secondly gratitude, whilst the definition is one which will be contested over the course of this piece I will nonetheless state that which is generally accepted here and avoid tearing apart the foe before he has even set foot in the ring. So yes, gratitude, a strong feeling of appreciation for what someone or something has done for the recipient. Often this is expressed as a debt of gratitude; an obligation towards reciprocity.

Just as how regret and anticipation can lead one to error by shifting the eyes from appreciating or experiencing the present to other tenses in which power is diminished and details unknown, so too can envy and gratitude, particularly since the latter appears to be misapplied.

One of the great errors in envy is that of separating the object of desire from the possessor; separating it from their story, their struggle, their wins and their losses. In many cases to separate the object or quality from the story which gave it life is to leave an empty shell; the depth and the meaning give way to a superficiality which brings forth the question of why it was desired. If the above is accepted, and yet the envy remains, then we have a case in which perceived value of a life is based solely on appearance; a very sad state of affairs. Life here is most commonly externally validated, and value determined solely by others often leading to a kind of hungry ghost phenomenon where more and more is sought to fan the flames of positive public opinion. Not only is there never an end to this exhausting pursuit, but the value of any one possession is incredibly volatile; the changing seas of societal trends can render a thing once valuable entirely worthless, if not an offence worthy of lynching.

Since the value of personality, characteristics, knowledge, possessions or achievements is not self determined but given worth by others there is little allegiance to self; a lack of any firm foundation. In the opposite of ‘knowing thyself’ one constructs a kind of patchwork quilt of seemingly admirable traits and sought after possessions that not only fail to fit together to form a coherent and consistent pattern, but are tossed to and fro by the company held, and the trends of the times.

To treat knowledge, skills or achievements as superficial is not only to devalue them in the life of the seeker but also in the life of the holder. Rarely is consideration given to the pain that created a great writer, the injustice that began a career of political reform, the physical abuse that drove the victim to obtain great physical strength, or the bankruptcy that necessitated hard work and smart investments. The product of these difficult experiences leaves a trail through the life of the possessor, one often scored into flesh, or burned into memory. The reality of a desirable trait can be quite the opposite; costs that few would choose to pay, destructive thoughts that few could bear, and sacrifices inconceivable to most.

In relation to time (and let us adopt the rather boring assumption here of a linear timeline with beginning and end) the desire for something more leaves the present incomplete. In a perfect moment there would be no place for envy, since any addition would be superfluous. By establishing this extreme, a continuum is formed with perfection or completeness at one end and lack at the other. Envy places the present at somewhere other than the most appealing extreme; the exact location dictated by the degree of the emotion felt.

Want does the same; it exposes a hole in the present that makes true peace and contentment impossible. Unlike envy it does not require a possessor nor is it necessarily stirred by others, however whilst it may not carry with it the problems discussed prior, it has a burden of its own that is equally cumbersome and weighty.

A definition of our third term would be an excellent idea here, and I congratulate myself on this recognition. There are three relevant details; firstly the verb form of desiring something, secondly the noun form which expresses a deficiency of something, and thirdly its Old Norse origins in the word ‘vanr’ meaning ‘lack’.

Where want and envy exist there can be no perfection, since the implied lack is at odds with its perfection’s completeness. Want exposes the belief that if things were different, then they would be better. Of course we can never truly know that this would be the case, and we may spoil the present with thoughts of different conditions under which it may have been of greater value. Here, as with many other places, I must admit that I assume an ability to treat reasonably and rationally emotions that are often anything but. I cannot dismiss these desires, which probably hint at a common hope for perfection, when they can provide a thread of hope for a brighter day amidst days of darkness; days when gratitude can be incredibly difficult.

Conveniently this sees a confluence of envy, want and gratitude.

That the three should flow together is a shame, since the latter should be wholly separated from the rest. No blame can be placed at the feet of gratitude here, more so at its use, or misuse.

In the perfect idea, gratitude closes a loop, likely in a nice coloured bow. It is a genuine response to a favourable outcome, and has incredible value and purity, vibrating at the highest of frequencies.

Unfortunately, when twisted, gratitude becomes something other than pure; it becomes one of either transactional, obligational, or expectant.

Firstly transactional; the debt of gratitude. Depending upon one’s biases about human nature it may be easily accepted or abhorrent to think that all acts have a selfish motive at their core. If an act is performed in order to receive in return then it has immediately lost much of its value; whilst it may have a benefit to the recipient this is, to some degree, incidental.

If the debt is not forced upon the recipient by the benefactor then it is assumed by the former due to social conditioning, which brings us to the second form. The problem in this situation comes down once again to motive; gratitude is expressed out of obligation or an assumed debt, rather than from a pure feeling of appreciation. This feeling, properly and sincerely expressed has great value, but is overlooked in a society that values material reciprocity.

Finally the expectant form which is arguably the most troubling of all. I had better define this, since at face value one would think it already covered by the above. When I use the term ‘expectant gratitude’ I refer to the kind of secret formula that uses 'gratitude' as the key to greater wealth, possessions, success and fame. An expression of 'gratitude' opens up the hands of a benevolent universe happy to pour out all manner of rewards upon the holder of the secret. ‘Gratitude’ is entirely worthy of inverted commas in this scenario, since it is just ‘want’ dressed up as virtue. To be truly grateful in a moment is to state that no addition could increase its worth. If in expressing my gratitude I have in mind a future moment that exceeds the present in its value then I commit the double error of anticipating and wanting. If I express my gratitude with the motive of forcing the hand of God or the universe to provide more, then I devalue that which is within my possession, and continue further down a path of acquisition that has no end.

True gratitude appears to be rare, which raises the question as to exactly why this would be. If I may, I would first suggest that it is due to anticipation. The idea of the thing can often exceed the reality, leaving the moment lacking when it is finally reached. This provokes feelings of wanting and desiring for that which was imagined, as opposed to appreciation for what is.

Of course, the answer isn’t that simple and a word count never acts as a strong enough deterrent to acknowledging the fact.

How can we differentiate anticipation from hope? If one dismisses anticipation as foolish must one do the same for hope? It would be a sad conclusion if it were the case, and whilst the inhuman or completely enlightened may be able to exist in that place I highly doubt that others could tolerate.

Perhaps we need not be extreme in our dismissal; there are times at which hope is more or less important, and it can be turned to as needed. One of the times that it should be superfluous is within the perfect moment, where true gratitude is expressed. If anticipation is taking something into hand before the fact, claiming it as already in existence as an anchor pulling the subject into the time at which it is made manifest, then hope is an idea not fixed in time or space. Hope involves trust, unlike anticipation this is not hope in ourselves, but in the arc of the greatest good, and that our dreams are at some point plotted on this arc.

The second I think has to do with sensitivity. The noise and pace of the modern world drown out the simple pleasures which can bring forth gratitude. Expose anything to a stimulus for too great a period of time and there is a natural down regulation in receptor sensitivity which drives much of the addictive behaviours that are common in society. The answer to feeling less pleasure for many is to increase the stimulus; more noise, more drugs, more relationships, more food and an escalation in the activities pursued. I think it helpful to look East for help here. As the west continued and continues to add, the East expressed the need to subtract; the answer not being greater complexity but actually incredible simplicity.

In appreciating the most simple things in life one’s sensitivity is maintained.

I detest this short but accurate statement, so please read it, know it to be true, and then throw it into the wind.

To pursue anything according to a formula is to destroy all of the beauty of the thing. Never sit and watch the sunrise because in doing so one will optimise the circadian rhythm and likely improve sleep onset that evening. Never swim in the sea because the cold is beneficial for the mitochondria and the immune system. Never, as another person touches your hand, think that there is a transfer of electrons that will reduce inflammation likely improving mental and physical health.

This kind of right-angled, science-bound, algebra-laced world would be a nightmare. I know that despite the warnings I would most certainly want and hope for a world where the romance and magic were restored.

This bears some relevance to gratitude since despite expressing thoughts on the subject it is not a thinking thing. To think about an emotion is like trying to catch a butterfly; firstly incredibly difficult, but secondly, if successful, leads to so much damage that it will never fly again. Whilst it cannot coexist in a moment with want and envy this is not a mental exercise in trying to abolish these damaging thoughts from the mind in order to better appreciate the present. It is better thought of as a check and balance against whether the moment can be wrapped up in perfection, and given the bow of true gratitude.

Conclusions can be a problem; the writer, having provided many points for consideration, then stomps all over them with the muddy feet of bias and either alienates the reader entirely or preaches to the choir already joining in on the chorus. For this reason the final section is written without any intent to convince; the answers left entirely down to anyone that has made it through an already lengthy exploration.

My current feelings lead me to a place where anticipation forks into two paths; the first is the destructive route of want which has no end, robs the present of true value, and invalidates any attempt at gratitude. Envy is not dissimilar in this respect, however it robs value not only from one’s own present but also others’ pasts. The second leads to hope, which can act as a light ahead at an unknown distance. This can be important during periods of darkness and provide enough illumination to see a way out, and a reason for doing so.

Gratitude is often attempted and for this reason seldom expressed. Firstly it often seeks to settle a debt or to elicit a response for personal gain. Gratitude neither seeks nor should be sought.

Gratitude, in its truest and purest form is stumbled upon in a moment when any addition would be redundant, when a deep emotional need is met, and I think, often when words fail to fully express that this moment would suffice for eternity.

When that sound; when that sight; when that touch is perfect; when there is nothing on earth greater, and when you feel it in heart, that is gratitude.

[yasbxxgie]

On November 22, 2007, I flew into Forward Operating Base Caldwell in eastern Diyala Province, Iraq. I was the squadron judge advocate for the Second Squadron, Third Armored Cavalry Regiment. One of my primary responsibilities was advising the command in making shoot/don’t shoot decisions according to the rules of engagement and the laws of war. In the course of that year, I helped make countless life-or-death decisions — decisions that not only placed the lives of my friends and brothers at risk but also determined whether we killed terrorists or killed civilians.

My commander was a wise man, and he knew that a JAG officer whose sole experience consisted of watching video feeds or hearing radio transmissions would render advice based not in the reality of war but in the abstractions on the screen. So I went outside the wire on patrols — not nearly as often as the daily missions of the cavalry scouts and armor officers I served with, but often enough to understand the reality of the danger. I walked the streets of local towns and villages. I experienced tense situations where you didn’t know whether to shoot or hold fire. I learned what it was like to see a car approaching and not know whether the occupant was a terrorist about to blow himself up or a civilian oblivious to the presence of American troops.

It was a tough deployment, one that ultimately earned my squadron the Valorous Unit Award. In the months we were in Diyala, our troopers faced constant attacks. IEDs claimed lives. Men died to ambushes. Indirect fire was a frequent threat to our combat outposts. Our troopers fought pitched battles in the streets, called in air strikes, fired thousands of artillery rounds, and killed, wounded, and captured dozens of terrorists. By the end of the deployment, they’d reclaimed thousands of square kilometers from al-Qaeda and left it a broken, spent force.

Do you know how many innocent civilians we killed in that entire deployment, which spanned hundreds of engagements with the enemy? Exactly two. One to small-arms fire and one to a wayward artillery shell.

***

Over the past three years, as the issue of police shootings has come to periodically dominate American discourse, I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern. While many controversial police shootings are lawful and justifiable, many others would be surprising to see in a war zone, much less in the streets of America’s cities. Some of the names come easily to mind — Philando Castile, Daniel Shaver, Walter Scott, and (most recently) Stephon Clark.

Why is this case? One part of the answer is easy. Cops are human, and since they’re human some will be incompetent, some will panic, and some will be racist. But such shootings happen often enough in a nation that is still enjoying a respite from the horrific crime waves of the late 1980s and early 1990s — a nation where policing is far down on the list of the most dangerous jobs — that “cops are human” simply isn’t a sufficient answer.

Another answer came from Jack Dunphy, the “nom de cyber” of a retired LAPD officer who often contributes pieces to NR. Dunphy offers a valuable cop’s-eye view of police controversies, and his recent response to my piece criticizing police actions in the Clark shooting is worth reading in its entirely. One passage in particular stands out. Responding to my citation of statistics demonstrating that police killings in Sacramento were extraordinarily rare, and this “background risk” should be considered in ambiguous encounters, Dunphy says this:

Surprisingly, David also asks that officers, before deciding on a course of action in response to a fleeing suspect, perform an instant, on-the-spot risk analysis based on historical data.  “What is the background level of risk here?” he asks. “According to the City of Sacramento, it’s been almost 20 years since a cop was shot and killed in the line of duty.”

Yes, the last Sacramento Police Department officer shot to death was William C. Bean, Jr, who died in 1999. And the last before him was Doyle A. Popovich, who died in 1974. But the fact that a police officer is murdered in the city only once every 20 or 25 years does not lessen the risk of any individual encounter.

The surprise here is mutual. I’m surprised Dunphy would make this argument. Of course officers should have situational and tactical awareness of individual risk. Of course the infrequency of police killings (as one factor among many) is relevant to “any individual encounter,” especially when the encounter is with a suspected trespasser and vandal not known to be a violent felon.

But rather than emphasizing odds, probabilities, and patterns, training sometimes fills cops’ minds with ideas like, “The worst can always happen” or, “Any encounter can go bad.” These statements are true, but incomplete. They’re not the same thing as saying, “Every encounter is equally likely to go bad.” Good officers, like good soldiers, know that each encounter takes place against the background of a much larger context, with multiple factors influencing the outcome.

First, it’s important to understand that the mission must come before personal safety. When you sign up to wear the uniform, you’re tacitly acknowledging as much. This doesn’t mean you’re required to be reckless with your own life, of course: Prudence and self-protection still matter. But they come behind the purpose of the police force itself. If you have any doubt about this fact, ask the Broward County Sheriff’s office. The armed deputy at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School certainly succeeded in protecting himself during Nikolas Cruz’s massacre. But he failed to do his job, placing his own safety above the safety of the innocent kids he was sworn to protect, and he rightly had to face the consequences afterward.

Second, it’s important to fully understand the mission. When your job is to preserve the safety, security, and — crucially — liberty of a community, each individual encounter is conducted against the backdrop of those broader, over-arching goals. So, a call to pursue a suspected vandal and trespasser (like in the Clark case) presents a multi-faceted challenge: Apprehend the suspect, protect his civil liberties, understand the community you’re policing, and protect the liberties and security of those others who live there, as well. Every confrontation is potentially dangerous, sure, but every confrontation is also complicated by the multifaceted balancing act we ask of our cops. One may argue that we ask too much of our cops, but I don’t think so; younger soldiers perform the same balancing act in more dangerous circumstances for less pay every day.

Third, the prudent rules of engagement should vary by the nature of the encounter. As I wrote in my initial piece about the Clark shooting, situational awareness demands different kinds of risk tolerance. Pursuit of an armed robber is different from pursuit of a vandal, and both are dramatically different from rolling up on an actual firefight, like the incident that claimed the life of a Sacramento sheriff’s deputy in 2017. While each situation can potentially turn deadly, it’s a simple fact that some kinds of encounters are more fraught with peril than others, and greater inherent peril demands greater latitude for police use of force.

Fourth, fear must be subject to reason. Public defenses of police shootings tend to revolve around questions of fear. Officers consistently escape conviction, prosecution, and sometimes even discipline altogether because they are able to effectively articulate why they were afraid for their lives the moment they fired the fateful shot. The legal standard to escape conviction, however, is that they must prove not just that they were afraid but also that their fear was “reasonable.” Articulating reasons for your fear is not the same thing as articulating “reasonable fear.”

Let’s take, for example, the statement of Jeronimo Janez, the officer who shot and killed concealed-carry-permit holder Philando Castile at a traffic stop:

I don’t remember how many rounds I let off. Um, I remember seeing the last two rounds go off and I remember seeing one of those rounds hit him in the arm. Uh, his glasses flew off. I’m not sure if it was from gunfire or from him, uh, whipping his head back or anything like that. Uh, but, uh as that was happening, as he was pulling at, out his hand, I thought I was gonna die and I thought if he’s, if has the, the guts and the audacity to smoke marijuana in front of a five-year-old girl and risk her lungs and risk her life by giving her secondhand smoke and the front-seat passenger doing the same thing then what, what care does he give about me? And, I let off the rounds and then after the rounds were off, the little girls [sic] was screaming. I held the suspect at gunpoint. His arms came up into view. And they were up by his chest. I can’t remember what I said. But I acknowledged this little girl first. ’Cause I wanted her to be safe and I told Officer Kauser or I told her one of the two to go run out of the car and run to Office Kauser or Officer Kauser to get her. And then I turned my attention to the front-seat passenger. I didn’t point my firearm at her. I still had it on the suspect. ’Cause he was still moving.

Got that? One of the reasons Janez was afraid was that he thought Castile had disregarded the life of a five-year-old by “giving her secondhand smoke.” So naturally, he then decided to fire his gun into a car containing that very same five-year-old. In reality, Janez panicked, and while that is understandable, it is not a justification for shooting Castile.

***

To return to Iraq, here’s a concrete example of how awareness of the overall mission, personal risk, and personal courage can combine to demand restraint even when deadly force is legally authorized.

It was a terrible night in late winter, 2008. An IED had hit one of our Humvees, injuring two soldiers and killing one. While the medevac chopper was inbound, our guys spotted a small group of what looked like men lying in the prone position in a ditch. From that vantage point it appeared they could engage the helicopter before it could land. No weapons were immediately visible.

So the question became: Shoot or don’t shoot?

The law of armed conflict said that we could shoot. Men lying prone in a position of tactical advantage when troops are in range can legally be responded to with deadly force. But if the shooting would be permitted, would it be proper?

Fire and you neutralize the possible threat, making sure that the medevac helicopter can complete its mission. But if you hit civilians, though the medevac will still complete its mission, you have endangered the squadron’s larger objectives  of securing the village and recruiting allies to join friendly militias.

Immediately engaging risked the larger mission too much. Simply ignoring the threat risked the medevac too much. So we chose a middle course. We asked our men to emerge from cover and move to investigate and perhaps detain the suspicious men. With the burning Humvee behind them, our cavalry troops cautiously probed forward and discovered not men but a group of unarmed boys. They’d heard the “boom” of the IED, ran out to investigate, and then took cover when they saw American troops swarming around.

They had no weapons. They had no cameras (al-Qaeda sometimes used kids with cameras to do damage assessments after IED strikes). They were just kids, and had we killed them where they hid, the repercussions could have been immense.

I bring up examples like this not to claim that police officers usually or routinely don’t show this level of situational awareness and restraint. They do. Through training, courage, and instinct most officers understand each and every truth I’ve outlined above. It’s one reason why, even though cops routinely engage in tense confrontations, we don’t have more problematic shootings.

But when the police do fail, and they shoot a man who was, in actuality, no threat at all, it is no answer to criticism to stampede to the minimum legal standards of conduct, spin out all the things that “could” have gone wrong if the facts were different, and finally circle your wagons around “officer safety.”

A person can be concerned about officer safety and realize the truth that officer safety isn’t the mission. A person can believe blue lives matter and understand that accepting sometimes extraordinary risk is part of the job. A person can support the police and still demand a very high level of tactical and strategic awareness even from the youngest officers. To put them on the street is to declare to the public that they are up to the job.

The legal bar for successful prosecution of an officer is appropriately high. We should not send a cop to jail if he makes the snap judgment to fire his weapon while reasonably fearing death or serious bodily injury. But I’m concerned that juries are too willing to excuse fear in the absence of reason, and I’m concerned that our bar for training, competence, and courage is often too low.

Men in uniform inspire respect not because of the uniform itself but because of what the uniform is supposed to represent. It’s supposed to represent not just a commitment to selfless sacrifice but also a commitment to excellence. Countless cops exhibit those very characteristics. Too many others do not. In the face of this reality, the least we can ask is that cops show as much discipline as soldiers at war. [h/t]

[thestoryplant]

Ken Goldstein: When Your Team Loses

New Post has been published on http://bit.ly/2hiyQqG

  The Houston Astros won the 2017 World Series last week. The Los Angeles Dodgers lost. It was an epic contest. Many have observed it was one of the greatest World Series match-ups in the history of Major League Baseball. It lasted into the mythic and deciding Game 7, crossing tentatively into the month of November, creating the first-ever Game 7 at Dodger Stadium and the first-ever MLB game played in November at Dodger Stadium.

This year’s fall classic delivered all of the drama any fan could want from a World Series. There were come-from-behind victories one after another, larger-than-life villains and heroes caught in an explosive discussion of racism, more lazy walks and majestic home runs than most of us could imagine, and two world-class managers locked in a battle of wits. It was an endurance contest. It began in Game 1 at 103 degrees on the sweltering Chavez Ravine field and ended there eight days later some forty degrees cooler. It brought many viewers back to the game who had abandoned baseball for its slow pace in our ever-hectic world. It was the perfect collision of talent and human will emerging from an always imperfect playing season.

Then it was over.

Only one team could take home the Commissioner’s Trophy. One team did, in a stadium not their own but on a makeshift stage they made their own. The local contenders, who could win only three of seven games, looked on from the home team dugout and watched the award ceremony broadcast to the globe. Behind the blue-flagged dugout sat their fans, also staring vacantly beyond the bright television camera lights with sadness and acceptance. I was among those fans. I slumped in my hardwood seat and watched the grand on-field celebration to my right and the silence of humility to my left.

Bart Giamatti, former MLB Commissioner and President of Yale University, probably said it best in his acclaimed essay The Green Fields of the Mind:

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart.

That is the game, where each preliminary round of the postseason always ends in an event called an elimination game, and then the World Series itself winds down to the final elimination game. When your team is eliminated from competition, your season is over. There are no appeals. At the final elimination game, one team is victorious. The other team retains the consolation prize of league champion, but it is increasingly less of a bragging right than it was in professional baseball’s beginnings over a century ago.

The eliminated team leaves the field with a broken heart shared with its fans. That is the design. It needs no improvement. A loss is as perfect in its ability to stir emotion as a win means to those who share a parade in the glorious days following the final pitch.

So why does any of this matter? Baseball is a business, a big-money enterprise where fans shell out enormous sums of money for ballpark visits, television and internet subscriptions, staggeringly high-margin junk food, proud but ridiculously overpriced authentic field wear, signed souvenirs, trading cards, collectors’ memorabilia, and tiny parking spots where door dings are as much a part of the game as the ceremonial first pitch. Players are traded back and forth late in the season as insurance for a playoff spot, and just because you call it your home team doesn’t mean many of the players on the payroll call it home.

Why does it matter? If you are a fan, you have to answer it in your own way. Let me try to answer it in mine.

Never mind that the Los Angeles Dodgers, a controversial transplant from Brooklyn today playing in the second-largest media market in the nation, haven’t even appeared in a World Series since 1988, the year ace Clayton Kershaw was born. Never mind that the Dodgers are the team of historic #42 Jackie Robinson, whose jersey number is the only one retired across both the National and American leagues. Never mind that Dodger Stadium, the model for modern stadiums when it opened in 1962, the year I was born, is now the third-oldest stadium among the 30 in MLB. All of that is nice context, but it doesn’t reasonably define why I would feel sorrowful over a loss in Game 7.

In fact, in a world plagued by continuing terrorism, nonstop acts of violence, social vitriol, political lunacy, global instability, and wildly unjust economic inequality, why do seven months of three-hour-plus games played day and night on well-manicured fields by young millionaire athletes directed by billionaire ownership groups matter at all? It shouldn’t, right? We’re adults, aren’t we? We’ve got important stuff to worry about, not the velocity of a breaking ball walloped by a carved piece of wood and sailing 400 feet into the bleachers of a 50,000-seat arena.

Well, let’s try it another way and go back to Bart Giamatti, a Renaissance scholar and baseball fanatic who left us much too early but was gracious enough to capture some meaning in all of it in his own temporal longing:

There are the truly tough among us, the ones who can live without illusion, or without even the hope of illusion. I am not that grown-up or up-to-date. I am a simpler creature, tied to more primitive patterns and cycles. I need to think something lasts forever, and it might as well be that state of being that is a game; it might as well be that, in a green field, in the sun.

That is why it matters to me. It matters because it lasts all our lives. It dies with the coming of winter and is reborn in the spring. I love the game because my father loved the game. It is essentially the same game, forget the bells and whistles and data analytics and all that newfangled scoreboard jazz. The game no matter what is fully unpredictable to the final out, the alchemy of athleticism, calculating strategy, and too often chance. It is consistent in its ritual routines, relentless in its aggregate simplicity, intoxicating in its repetitiveness. Forever it has broken hearts. We share that from generation to generation, from season to season. It is absolute in its constancy, absolute in its recurring challenge, absolute in its finality — until it comes again.

It always comes again. It has to come again. It is designed to break your heart.

When your team loses, you internalize the emotion, politely congratulate the winning opponent, and make no excuse for the silliness of the sadness in your obsession with constancy. We all like to win. We all want to win. We all want to be part of winning. Yet more than that, we all want to be part of something that matters because it holds us together with permanence solely because its vitality is assured in its unfailing renewal.

The Brooklyn Dodgers, who didn’t win a World Series until 1955, owned the nickname Dem Bums. Each year they lost, Dem Bums and the fans who followed them would finish the season with the same words: “Wait ’til next year.” Dem Bums knew the answer to what you do when your team loses.

I’ll see you at the green field next April. Opening Day is traditionally played in the early afternoon. With a little luck the sun will be shining on all of us.

  Ken Goldstein is the author of This is Rage and Endless Encores, both published by The Story Plant.

[everettwilkinson]

Common misconceptions about bond investing

Intuitive isn’t a word that’s typically used to describe fixed income markets. It’s no surprise, then, that misconceptions about bond investing are common, according to a new BlackRock survey of 417 Americans with $ 50,000 or more in investible assets.

The survey, conducted from April 21 to 23, aimed to capture Americans’ understanding of fixed income investing. The main finding: Misunderstandings abound about bond basics and the role fixed income plays in a portfolio. Many investors seem aware of their knowledge deficit when it comes to fixed income fundamentals: Sixty percent of those surveyed said they don’t consider themselves knowledgeable regarding fixed income, and just 43% said they understand the market and economic forces that drive bond prices. Here’s a quick look at a few of the most common knowledge gaps, according to the new BlackRock research.

Misconception: Rising rates don’t negatively affect fixed income investments.

After years of declining and relatively low interest rates, the prospect of rising rates represents a sea change for investing, yet many Americans appear not to understand what this change could mean for investing strategies, according to the survey results.

Only about three in 10 (31%) of those surveyed correctly noted that if interest rates rise, the effect on the fixed income investments that investors already own is negative (when interest rates rise, bond prices fall). But more than twice as many (68%) got the link between rates and prices wrong: Thirty-five percent of those surveyed said there is a positive effect on current fixed income investments when rates rise, while 33% said rising rates make no difference for fixed income investments.

BlackRock’s view is that interest rates will rise from historic lows in coming months and years, making an already complex fixed income investing environment even more so, and investors need to be aware of the risk that rising rates pose to portfolios. Rising rates have the potential to touch all segments of the markets, not just fixed income, so it’s key for investors to seek out information so that they can fill any knowledge gaps regarding this critical trend.

Misconception: Fixed income investing is risk free.

Nearly one third (31%) of those surveyed said they strongly, or somewhat, agree with the statement that “with fixed income investments, you can’t lose your money.”

Misconception: Investing in one’s own country is enough for diversifying bond portfolios today.

Those surveyed appeared hesitant to consider investing beyond their borders, displaying a strong home bias. Sixty-nine percent said they would be more comfortable investing in bonds from the U.S. than from foreign countries. Investors, however, now generally need to consider investing beyond their borders as well as at home in order to achieve proper diversification. One reason: Global fixed income markets are becoming increasingly interdependent, as I write in my new Fixed Income Strategy piece Reevaluating reflation.

The U.S. has often led moves in global bond yields, such as during the “taper tantrum” of 2013 when then Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke sparked a global bond market rout by signaling the beginning of the end of quantitative easing. Yet the causality sometimes runs the other way, with global developments leading the U.S. Ultra loose monetary policies in Japan and the eurozone have exerted a gravitational pull on yields worldwide. And U.S. Treasury yields followed German bund yields lower in the period around the 2016 Brexit vote, with a similar pattern playing out in the run-up to the recent French presidential election.

Overall, the correlation between major bond markets has risen sharply, with the marketplace changing and becoming more interconnected globally. Against this backdrop, fixed income investors need to stay flexible and carefully consider the entire range of appropriate investing options, including opportunities abroad. Read more market insights in my monthly commentary on fixed income markets.

Jeffrey Rosenberg, Managing Director, is BlackRock’s Chief Investment Strategist for Fixed Income, and a regular contributor to The Blog.

Learn more about how consistent investment performance and low fees are critical to achieving your fixed income goals in today’s environment.

Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Index performance is shown for illustrative purposes only. You cannot invest directly in an index. Investing involves risks including possible loss of principal. Bond values fluctuate in price so the value of your investment can go down depending on market conditions. Fixed income risks include interest-rate and credit risk. Typically, when interest rates rise, there is a corresponding decline in bond values. Credit risk refers to the possibility that the bond issuer will not be able to make principal and interest payments. This material is not intended to be relied upon as a forecast, research or investment advice, and is not a recommendation, offer or solicitation to buy or sell any securities or to adopt any investment strategy. The opinions expressed are as of May 2017 and may change as subsequent conditions vary. The information and opinions contained in this post are derived from proprietary and nonproprietary sources deemed by BlackRock to be reliable, are not necessarily all-inclusive and are not guaranteed as to accuracy. As such, no warranty of accuracy or reliability is given and no responsibility arising in any other way for errors and omissions (including responsibility to any person by reason of negligence) is accepted by BlackRock, its officers, employees or agents. This post may contain “forward-looking” information that is not purely historical in nature. Such information may include, among other things, projections and forecasts. There is no guarantee that any forecasts made will come to pass. Reliance upon information in this post is at the sole discretion of the reader. ©2017 BlackRock, Inc. All rights reserved. BLACKROCK is a registered trademark of BlackRock, Inc., or its subsidiaries in the United States and elsewhere. All other marks are the property of their respective owners. RO-163152 BlackRock Blog

from CapitalistHQ.com http://capitalisthq.com/common-misconceptions-about-bond-investing/

[kristentalksalot]

Research Proposal - Unhappily Ever After : The Unrelenting Doom of the Gay Couple

          For my research paper I intend to analyze the commonality of un-happy endings in LGBTQ films and television programs. Over the years as a media student and a film and TV lover in general, I have noticed that gay couples on television and in film rarely receive the happy endings that are so standard in heterosexual character relationships. I would also like to analyze this topic in terms of its connection to heterosexual and transgender gazes on gay, lesbian, and bisexual relationships.

           The questions that I would like to explore through my research and analysis are as follows. What ideology or dominant thought might be causing this pattern of unhappy endings for LGBT characters? Is it intentional or subconscious? How do these subtle plot patterns contribute to the way we see LGBT couples in real life? Would a shift to happier ends in LGBT film and TV help the LGBTQ community or erase the struggles and realities of these relationships?

           The first source I would like to use for my analysis, “Compulsory happiness and queer existence” (Love, 2007), discusses the shifting climate surrounding LGBT couples in modern society from the formerly closeted and tragedy-ridden stories to the new wave of LGBT people navigating relationships in similar ways to heterosexual couples. I believe this journal could give me further insight into the reasons for the tragic storylines that LGBT characters still find themselves involved in. I think it may also contribute some ideas for progressing future LGBT stories to allow for more reflection of modern couples and relationships.

          My second source explores more generally, the politics surrounding gay and lesbian visibility on television (Dow, 2001). Although this is a commonly analyzed concept in terms of how politics and the social climate of the particular time can hinder or allow LGBT representation to flourish, I think this will be helpful in deciding the contributing factors to the erasure of happiness in the lives of LGBT people. While representations such as in Boys Don’t Cry are praised for their truthful exposure of the LGBT oppression and conditions, a sense of normalcy in LGBT characters, particularly between gay men, is less widely accepted. I think this has something to do with the fact that harsh and heartbreaking stories force dominant groups to take an honest look at the victims of their oppression. In contrast, portraying two gay men in the same way you would any other couple creates the notion that LGBT people aren’t oppressed anymore.

          A third journal that caught my attention was one that explored the idea of adolescence and discovery of one’s bisexuality in terms of the show One Tree Hill (Meyer, 2009). Although my thoughts aren’t completely connected with this piece yet, I feel that there is some relevance between the way bisexual characters are presented and the likelihood that those characters will be portrayed in happier plots. I have found that bisexual characters are typically only positively accepted when they “choose” one gender or another and stick with it. Despite the static nature of bisexuality, the general public still believes that the mate a bisexual person chooses to spend their life with is the true gender they were attracted to all along. I believe the state of questioning gender makes these characters more receptive to writers of happily ending plots. 

          My method for analysis will mostly consist of dissecting media texts (film and television mainly) to uncover the driving forces behind the downfall or general negativity surrounding the LGBT couples involved. I may include some form of research into the effect these presentations have on the viewers of these texts seeing as I’m not the only person in the community to have questioned the lack of happy endings. 

          One media text that I want to explore is Blue is the Warmest Color, a cult favorite in the LGBT community, but a deeply sad story that begs the question: why can’t they just end up together? The Normal Heart is another film that I think can bring to light the tendency toward the negative and heartbreaking stories. I also want to analyze Shameless and the ways in which they have incorporated every member of LGBT over the course of the series. While I can constantly be found applauding them for this, I think the amount of horrific events in relation to happy events in heavily skewed against the gay couples portrayed in the show. Modern Family, however, is one program which I would consider to be an exception to this occurrence and one in which I need to explore more deeply to find out why it works and if it presents its own issues. I would also like to create either a short pilot screenplay or a comic strip in which I employ some of the methods I come up with for portraying realistic gay relationships without relying solely on negative events and crimes of oppression.

Sources

Love, H. "Compulsory happiness and queer existence." New Formations, no. 63, 2007, p. 52+ Retrieved at go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=AONE&sw=w&u=temple_main&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA175632731&it=r&asid=a510eaf6302c98c66a4f8e10ee32d80a

Dow, B. (2001). Ellen, television, and the politics of gay and lesbian visibility. Critical Studies in Media Communication, 18(2), 123-140. doi:10.1080/07393180128077

Meyer, M. D. E. (2009). "I'm just trying to find my way like most kids": Bisexuality, adolescence and the drama of one tree hill. Sexuality & Culture, 13(4), 237. doi:10.1007/s12119-009-9056-z

[johnbattlesca]

Robert Drysdale: The Problems With “Sub-Only Tournament”

IBJJF, Sub-Only and the future of Jiu-Jitsu part 2

I began part one of these three articles making a case for an open discussion about all leg-attacks, their safety and how this safety overlaps with the concern we should all have to continue to evolve Jiu-Jitsu into a more effective form of combat. I also suggested that IBJJF should, perhaps, allow all leg-attacks for higher belts, since these competitors consist largely of professionals and semi-professionals and that there has not been, to my knowledge, any comprehensive study comparing the injury ratio of other joint-manipulations to those of leg-locks. Additionally, I mentioned that it was my personal belief, based solely on my experience on the mats, that transitions and “scrambles” were the main cause of injuries in sport Jiu-Jitsu, not joint-locks. The intention was to remind the grappling community not to lose track of our roots. That in a sport format, safety is paramount, but that effectiveness is the essence of our art.

Few people dispute that a point system, normally based around IBJJF standards and criteria, come with problems. In IBJJFs defense, finding a balance between the martial-art and the sport, is not a simple task, keeping in mind the enormous spectrum that lays in between these two desired ends. The problems aren’t few and are easy to spot: overly complicated ruleset; overly tactical matches; rules that change too often in an attempt to keep up with the technical evolution of practitioners; and, in my view, the worst of them all, a ruleset that make it possible for competitors to go from white to black-belt winning multiple tournaments, without every learning how to take-down and/or submit, making the fight for the “advantage” the ticket to a world-championship (I will approach these problems in more detail in the third and last part of these articles.)

Photo: Robert Drysdale

I suspect that even if you ask competitors who are winning in this fashion, at least most of them, would agree that there certainly is a problem to be tackled here. Winning by an advantage shouldn’t make anyone overly proud and shouldn’t be the end goal of Jiu-Jitsu from a combative and martial-art perspective. However, one must admit, that from a sport perspective, how you score that win, ratter by submission or advantage, matters much less, since both wins will award you a ticket to the next round or to the title. Which explains the overly tactical battles for advantages and the fewer risks taken.

To blame the competitors is, in my view, a grave mistake. I have no shame in admitting that many times while competing, I held on to advantages while starring at the clock. Winning was simply too important to me and my respect for my opponents ability too great to allow myself any risk. After all, months of arduous preparation, emptying your bank-account, injuring yourself, sacrificing your personal-life, all add to the value and importance of that victory. For all these reasons, to blame the competitor, is not only unproductive, its fallacious. People when given a ruleset, any for that matter, will behave on the very fringe of what that ruleset allows for and invariably lean towards the most efficient strategies, a motion that could be described as “survival of the fittest techniques and strategies.” And I suspect this is not only true for Jiu-Jitsu, but for all competitive human endeavors that operate within a given framework on which the group of competitors agree upon. And here lies the “crux” of this article. Not everyone is content with the competitive framework we currently have available. 

The debate is far from new. In fact it predates not only IBJJF, but the brazilian version of JiuJitsu itself. In the last article, I gave a brief glimpse on the inception of Judo and how it split from other schools by establishing a ruleset and making Kodokan the gravitational center of Kano’s students. The traditional Jiu-Jitsu schools, or “ryus”, as they were referred to, were a series of academies with particular styles and rules. They agreed to call it “Jiu-Jitsu” (or “Ju-Jutsu” and “Ju-Jitsu”, depending on your western translation of the kanjis.) Some focussed on throws, others, joint manipulates and others on “atemis” (strikes). The brilliance of Kano, the founder of Judo, was to formalize a set of techniques into a system he would later call Judo (Initially, he still referred to it as “Kano Jiu-Jitsu”). This centralization around Kodokan was an enormous contrast, and a rift, from the eclectic and de-centralized Jiu-Jitsu scene of the time. Kano, a shrewd and influential individual had the solution.  By systematizing Judo and creating a set of strict rules, he would set his version of Jiu-Jitsu apart from these competing schools.

Destiny would have it, that a few of Kano’s graduate students from Japan who were spreading Jiu-Jitsu around the world, would land in the city of Sao Paulo, Brazil in 1914 (Correio Paulistano September-23-1914. Although possibly as early as July-17). After its spread in popularity in that country, the debate would continue, albeit, under a different auspice. This time, two brothers, that would play an important role in the dissemination of Jiu-Jitsu in Brazil, and later the world, were locked in a never ending debate with members of the brazilian-japanese community and other brazilians over: gis (A noite July-13-1931); the length of these gis (Diario de Noticias June-13-1936); time limit and number of rounds (A Batalha October-14-1932); and points versus no-points (Diario Carioca October-8-1936.) As you can see, different definitions of what Jiu-Jitsu is or ought to be, are from a different epoch.

The current disagreements have led to a build-up of resentment of a sector of the Jiu-Jitsu community (mainly in North-America but also around the globe) that has a different understanding from the main-stream grappling community and is not fond of a point system. Another point, and at the risk of sounding presumptuous, is that much of the criticism directed towards IBJJF and their rules, myself, and others, have been making for well over a decade. So to make matters clear, there’s nothing new regarding these critiques and in fact they have been brought to IBJJF’s  attention many times with the difference that now, a wave of opposition, largely labelled “Submission-Only” has gathered enough momentum to warrant this discussion and attempt to branch away from main-stream competition.

Initially, I was more enthusiastic about the prospect of watching the development of a ruleset that was more prone to submissions and with no advantages. This excitement, however, was quickly replaced by skepticism, and later, the recognition that rather than solving the problem, “submission-only” tournaments have exacerbated it by drifting further away from the combat aspect of Jiu-Jitsu and closer to the sport end of the spectrum. The “sub-only” advocates, often take the argumentative route that “Jiu-Jitsu is all about the submission.” Within this limited and narrow definition of Jiu-Jitsu, lies the biggest problem with these “submission-only” tournaments: their neglect of position and control in a combat situation. 

It should go without saying that submissions are indeed at the core of Jiu-Jitsu, regardless of your definition of it. However, it is a simplistic view of Jiu-Jitsu to narrow it down to only that and ignore the importance of top position, for example, in a less sport oriented arena. Those who disagree, need only to watch the next UFC.

Take the recent match between Keenan Cornelius and Gordon Ryan, a “submission-only” with no time limit match. It turned out to be a ninety minute long slow paced event, where for both competitors sat on the mats for a considerable portion of the match waiting for the opponents mistake. For those readers who have watched that match, ask yourself in all honesty: In what way does that match resemble a real fight? I would like to add that I hope this does not come across as an attack on either competitor. Their skills are out of question, and a tactical match between them is to be expected, however, it is the ruleset that needs questioning here. And as I explained above, people will naturally gravitate towards the very edge of what the rules allow for in order to be tactically effective. From this perspective, Keenan’s and Gordon’s behavior during that match make perfect sense. 

Or take ADCC for example, a hybrid ruleset where the first 5 minutes follows a “sub-only” format, followed by another five minutes with a point system that resembles IBJJF. A common practice by competitors is to do close to nothing the first five minutes and “pick-up” the pace the following five when points are present. The change in behavior is easy to notice even for the untrained eye. As soon as the five minute bell rings, the action begins. One can only point out to exceptions, but sports and martial-arts aren’t made of exceptions, we need to focus on the overall pattern of competitive behavior.

We can always argue that positioning is used in these “point-free” tournaments and that they are necessary to set-up submissions in the first place. To which I would say: watch these events closer. I have often made the case against many of my training partners that submission doesn’t necessarily follow positioning, but often precedes it. I have in many situations “given-up” on passing a guard in order to attack a submission, creating a response that would facilitate the pass. Pursuing the opposite route, can create progress just the same, as any experienced grappler can attest to. Positions and submissions are interchangeable in the sense that they are both at the heart of Jiu-Jitsu as a martial-art and efficient form of combat. So what exactly is the problem with “sub-only?”

My first piece of critique, and most important one in fact, lies with the lack of take-downs in these tournaments. They are not illegal, but why don’t we see more of them? My answer, as to why they are missing, lies a few lines above when I explained that competitors will, naturally, gravitate towards the most efficient strategies framed by the rules. In the case of “sub-only”, the infamous behavior of “butt-scooting”. An already existing problem under IBJJf but taken to new heights in tournaments with no points by removing all incentives for being on top and controlling that position while moving to a submission. A recent study by a popular grappling website shows an astonishing zero percent takedown ratio for EBI, although to be fair, in the same article, the submission ratio was higher than the average point-system tournament (www.bjjheroes.com). Their promoter, in one of these events, went to the extreme of asking competitors, during rules meeting, “not to wrestle but to pull-guard.” Which, I will mention in passing, is completely at odds with a definition of Jiu-Jitsu that is MMA oriented or that bears any resemblance with a combat situation.

Why bother taking someone down? It is an enormous effort (energy) and risk (a guillotine for example). Much easier, and efficient under these rules, to specialize in sitting to the ground and attacking the feet, where you don’t have to fight for passing the guard or sweeping. And by doing so, neutralizing wrestling, completely and permanently while making top position irrelevant since no one is throwing punches and elbows, further drifting away from our roots, unfortunately.

Take another problem, directly related to the one above. Under a point-system, why bother preventing someone from passing your guard or mounting? If it gets too hard, let them pass, take your time and recover when your opponent decides to attack, creating space for the defense and recovery of your guard where you can go back to leg-attacking.  For the leg-lock expert, giving mount away can be an advantage (no elbow-strikes remember?) since there are no points and a good chance at escaping while attacking your opponents feet in the process. Keeping in mind that we are talking exclusively about a no-gi point system where submitting from mount and side-control are technically harder, the gi might change that in some respects. And additionally, why bother sweeping? It is an enormous risk (exposing yourself to a submission for example) and likely to be a waste of energy since there are no rewards for being on top. 

I have often observed that the rear-naked choke is likely to be the most common submission in both MMA and submission-wrestling. This says something about the back-attack, its significance and, above all, its efficiency. So why is it that the most common finishing move in “sub-only”, when there are no draws and submissions prevail, is a leg-attack and not the rear naked choke? I believe there are two likely answers: a) the unfamiliarity with “knee-reaping” by competitors accustomed to a point-system that bans these attacks (discussed in part one of these articles) and most importantly; b) theres no point on going to your knees on all fours to prevent the pass or to try to stand back up (like most MMA fighters do) after a sweep or take-down. The two most common ways of getting to that prime finishing position. Concluding that given the risks of going to your knees or standing back up, it makes sense that one would lay flat on his or hers back and wait to recover guard. Which is exactly what you can observe when there are no points to be avoided.

In a recent statistical study of IBJJF’s Gi World Championship (or “Mundial”) published on the same website mentioned above, they found that the submission ratio at the black-belt level was 41%, 42% and 32% for the years of 2014, 2015 and 2016 respectively (www.bjjheroes.com), for an average of 38,33 submissions per fight. These numbers aren’t low and are in direct defiance of anyone who believes there are no submissions under a point-system (although certainly not enough in my opinion). It is also necessary to keep in mind the enormous amount of draws in tournaments without a point system (for obvious reasons, I am discounting overtimes where you start in a submission or near one, which renders the submission less relevant since you didn’t get there on your own, but because the time ran out.)

Another important point worth mentioning here, is that slower more tactical matches at IBJJF tournaments are often the result of two evenly skilled world-class competitors (at least in the study above where the submission ratio of 38,33 per match was reached at the black belt level at the IBJJF World Championships), resulting in a close score and a more tactical approach that doesn’t allow for mistakes. The same can’t always be said about “sub-only” events, where there is often a greater disparity between competitors in these tournaments and super-fights, which can help explain the high number of submissions.

When having this discussion with friends and students, I often make this analogy: Think of yourself as an investor with two options; first, to invest much of your resources into a “winner-take-all” type investment, where if you win, you take the grand prize (think of a submission here), whereas if you lose, you take nothing and lose all your investment (your effort and risk involved in attempting a submission). Now your second option, is of a very different nature, here, if you win, you win the big prize, whereas if you lose, you take back a certain percentage of your initial investment (a point). It is obvious which one any of us would choose. Points, don’t remove the incentive to take risk, they, increase it. The problem with IBJJF has nothing to do with their criteria or with a point-system, but with their reward system that favors position over submission. The “sub-only” wave is an attempt at correcting this, their mistake being, that they swung so far and wide the other way, that they missed the mark to a reasonable solution and created an even bigger problem: an even less efficient form of fighting than IBJJF has created.

These same friends and students often point out that these matches with no-points, are more exciting, and have less stalling than tournaments with points. As far as the excitement goes, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and it should be up to every individual to decide what is aesthetically pleasing and what is not. I will say this though, I didn’t begin training Jiu-Jitsu because it was aesthetically pleasing. Martial-arts with strikes have captivated the lay audience for decades and pro-wrestling is one of the most profitable athletic enterprises in the U.S. To me, Jiu-Jitsu’s beauty doesn’t lie in its excitement, but in its efficiency and realism. As far as the stalling goes, I remember cornering during an EBI and watching a specific match where one of the competitors held the other in “rubber-guard” and did absolutely nothing for 6:36 seconds. The referee didn’t say a word. Keeping in mind, IBJJF has systems in place, although often poorly used by the referees, to punish competitors every 20 seconds for stalling. This competitor in particular, would  have been disqualified, had he not moved after warning, 1:20 seconds into his “rubber-guard”. Those who believe there is a lack of stalling in “sub-only” tournaments, carry the difficult task of explaining the example above. 

With all its flaws, by favoring control, scoring a take-down and a sweep, IBJJF has, to some degree, created, by rewarding, a realistic sequence that resembles a real-fight: take-down, followed by guard-pass, followed by mount, followed by back-take, followed by rear-naked-choke. And even though IBJJF matches, don’t always go this way, by scoring and rewarding top control and position, they have created a system that approximates to the realities of a fight far more than a tournament where position is never rewarded.

As I hope I made clear in the first part of this article, there has been an important benefit brought forward by “sub-only” events: leg-locks. In all fairness, they were always present, many point oriented system have always allowed the “knee-reap”. But what this set of rules has done is remind us of the importance of attacking the lower-body and how blind so many of us could be for so long (myself included) to such an important family of submissions. I hope this changes and that we can make a crucial separation in between allowing important and efficient families of submissions and keeping a ruleset that maintains Jiu-Jitsu status as a martial-art, and not make the direct, and unjustified, association between “knee-reaping” and a no-point system. 

A final topic I would like to touch on is a broader brush on what it is we want Jiu-Jitsu to be like in the future. I have often argued that Jiu-Jitsu needs more take-downs and less “double-guard pull”. People are, and should be, free to differ. Nevertheless, it is of paramount importance to rethink what type of martial-art, or sport, we will be teaching in the future to our students. The implications of ridding ourselves of positions like “mount” and of all take-downs, will have potentially irreversible repercussions to the “gentle-art” and we might be rearing a generation of grapplers that are utterly inept to defend themselves in a real situation or to ever represent Jiu-Jitsu in MMA. One can always point out to exceptions of the problems I’ve mentioned above, but competitive martial-arts aren’t represented by single individuals and exceptions, but of the total average of all practitioners, who will invariably lean towards the most effective winning strategies. We ca always have a conceptual discussion of what “ought to be”, or we can have a realistic discussion about “what is”. Those who pay close attention to no-point events, will quickly notice how little resemblance they bear to any real situation you have ever been in or seen (even less so than IBJJF), or the UFC for that matter. Certainly something worth the thought and discussion.

Read Part 1

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Tagged: The Jiu-Jitsu Times from John Battles' Blog https://johnbattlesca.wordpress.com/2017/02/21/robert-drysdale-the-problems-with-sub-only-tournament/