#themes of forgiveness. of trauma. of being a little fruity but yet devoted to those you love wholly!

[cindysnuts]

Justice for Outlaws

Justice for Outlaws

“We can’t talk our way outta being outlaws, Lee.”

Two cowboys sit next to a smoldering fire, crowded for warmth beside their sleeping horse. A limitless night of stars shine outside the cave entrance they find themselves sheltering in.

“You don’t know that for sure, Jacob! Forgiveness ain’t as foreign of a concept to everyone else as it may be to you.” The smaller man replies with a twinge of accusation, but with eyes full of understanding.

“But you’ve seen the way they look at us; we were nothin’ but outlaws to ‘em way before we ever stole anything.” Jacob readjusts his weight. “I just don’t understand, Lee; they took everything from you too, ain’t they?”

“I–” he breaks away for a beat, letting himself take a shaky breath. “Yeah, they did. But I can’t help but feel like… We’re all human, ain’t we? Surely if they could understand us then they’d forgive us too!”

“They don’t wanna understand or forgive us. That’s the problem.”

“Well I’m tired of living on the fringes! I’m tired of only having each other, tired of being at risk, and just so tired of being scared of every stray whip crack or door slam! I’m just–” his thought is cut off by another shaky breath that accidentally morphs into a yawn.

Jacob chuckles, “Well if you’re so tired then maybe you outta go to bed?”

“Fuck you” he replies, resisting a smile. Exhaustion, however, does lead him to rest his head against the comforting groundcloth.

“I know getting shot at is scary, Lee. It’s a bit odd, but the most comforting bit of advice I ever heard was about a gunfight.” He moves to smother the last embers holding out. “Y’know, they make guns shoot so fast these days that you’ll feel a bullet before you hear one.

“By the time you’ve heard a bullet, it’s already missed you.”

…

Dawn is pouring into the hideaway as Jacob wakes up to short, curly hair tickling his nose. He can’t remember falling asleep, though he does remember agreeing to make a trip “as amiably as possible” to the general store they spotted in a nearby town. In his tired state, Lee had even worn him down to leave his sixgun behind, since “We won’t need it if we’re just two gents shoppin’.”

Jacob gently squeezes his arms, awakening the idealist whose waist they cradled.

“G’mornin, handsome. Time to get movin’ on your outreach campaign.”

Lee grumbles and gets up, knowing the much stronger man would simply hoist him out of their sleepsack if he didn’t. Sliding on his least-dirty clothes, he prepares the second-to-last portion of their beans and a few warm biscuits for breakfast. Glad we’re going shopping, I suppose, he thinks to himself, while he watches his partner use his massive shoulder muscles to throw the saddle over their horse, getting them ready to leave as soon as they fill their stomachs for the mission ahead.

…

To Jacob’s immense surprise, the market trip was not going so bad. They had people look away anytime they met their gaze, they always do. The majority of people, however, were being rather friendly to Jacob. He watches Lee, the little social butterfly that he is, start beaming as he ravenously chats with the weary smiling lady behind the counter.

Jacob chuckles, loading his arms up with the food they’d need, not minding that Lee had seemingly forgotten the purpose of their grocery trip. After all, it was the first chance they’d had in a long time to have any kind of a pleasant conversation with anyone, outside each other, of course. Maybe coming this far out West was a good thing after all.

His thoughts are interrupted when he notices a well-dressed woman, fit head to toe in white (save for her matching golden jewel sets), who was the first one not to avert her gaze nor offer him a polite smile. No, she was staring right at them, an all too familiar scowl spread dark across her face.

When she realizes the object of her disgust is staring back at her, her eyebrows raise and crinkle again before leaves in a silent hurry.

“Damn it.” He rushes over to Lee and pours the groceries on the counter. “We gotta go.”

Lee’s smile falls, being replaced by a fear instilled deep in his eyes. “Why, what’s happened?”

Jacob pulls out their cash as the lady quickly counts their total, seemingly startled out of her smile as well. “She was staring right at us, like she thought she knew what we were. She must’ve been some goddamned preacher’s wife, or sheriff's wife, or somethin, from what she was wearing. And I’d bet she’s going to get her husband.”

“Fuck.”

They rush to gather their paid goods in bags as they hear a commotion gathering somewhere outside. They burst out the doors, and quickly Jacob begins untying their horse while his partner loads everything they spent their last nickel and dime on into its saddlebags. Grabbing the reins and saddling up, Jacob waits for the all too familiar feeling of small, calloused hands around his waist before he gives the command to the horse to run.

It comes just a moment too late.

As they rush away, the two outlaws are stopped by a posse of men on horses, swarming out from around a corner, all in matching white uniforms, and led by a man Jacob must assume is that damned woman’s husband.

“Now y’all hold on!” Jacob hears a voice from behind him shout, “We ain’t done nothing wrong to y’all! Why don’t we all–”

But the voice is drowned out by a deafening bang, and the unmistakable sound of a bullet passing right by his head.

“YAH!” Jacob turns the horse around, galloping them away through an alternate route through an alley he’d planned out upon arriving, just in case they might need it.

BANG! Dust pours into his face as they peel away. BANG! He feels the wetness of tears stain his back as Lee’s face presses into his back. BANG! Another bullet whizzes by. This isn’t something he hasn’t done before, though. They just need to make it back to their safehouse in the cave. BANG! Jacob thinks to chastise him, but he couldn’t hear him over the galloping of what must be dozens of horses anyway, not to mention the thundering of guns booming at them like a September storm. BANG! The sun beats down on his face, and he realizes he must’ve long lost his hat in the hunt. BANG! The rocky hills are fast approaching, if only he can–

BANG!

“AAGH!” That one hit him in the leg, and it hurts like all hell. As long as he gets them, and more importantly, Lee to safety, that’s all that matters right now. He pulls a tricky maneuver, pulling hard behind a rocky pillar, before double backing and arriving at the mouth of their hideaway, not a white uniform in sight.

Taking a huge sigh of relief, Jacob finally lessens his white knuckle grip on the reins and sits up, causing the form precariously laid into his back to topple over, and fall off the horse.

“LEE!” Jacob cries out his lover’s name like he’s trying to shake the earth with his throat. He jumps down to his side, not minding the pain shooting through this thigh, seeing for the first time all of the blood staining the back of his shirt.

Lee isn’t responding to him. “LEE! STAY WITH ME DAMN IT!!” Blood covers his face and stains the solid rock below them, pooling into a stream that reaches out towards the one dripping off of the saddle. “LEE, LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE!”

Lee hadn’t even heard the first shot.

“Lee, God, what have they done?” He can barely manage to speak, his thoughts are running at a pace rivaling thunder. For the first time since meeting the only love of his life, Jacob weeps.

His thoughts drift back to his sixgun, and about the men who did this. Sadness leaves his body as rage pumps its way through his veins. He moves to grab his hidden rucksack, but stumbles as he puts weight on his thigh, only catching himself inches above Lee’s face.

All at once, his anger dissipates. Everything that Lee ever wanted was to be understood. His final wish runs through Jacob’s mind: one for justice in the face of all they had gone through, but that only comes with community, and he knows forgiveness ain’t a one way street.

Maybe it was divine, maybe it was that Holy Ghost that Jacob had long since thought abandoned him, but suddenly he was filled with a forgiveness he could hardly comprehend. One that could transcend everything his transgressors had ever leveled at him.

Turning around to see what noise was coming in the front of the cave, Jacob sees the face of the man dressed in white, high atop a horse. All at once, he sees the face of his father, of his hometown preacher, of the woman who first cursed him, and of the sheriff who first labeled him an outlaw.

Reaching out to the man, the cowboy releases his heart, letting the words he’s been feeling from the core of his being fly out his mouth.

“I forgive–” but the man doesn’t hear it, as the cave walls echo the BANG that rings out from the gun smoking in his hands.

A bang that Jacob never hears.

…

The rest of the men in white shuffle in, raiding the hideout of the few supposedly stolen possessions left scattered around, gazing upon the bodies of the two men they had silenced.

“Finally,” one says, “some damn justice comes for these fuckin’ outlaws.”