#theirs was truly a Toxic Relationship if I've ever seen one

[per1w1nkl3]

de profundis is such an interesting piece of literature. it starts off with wilde talking directly to douglas finally telling him exactly how he feels about all the things he's ever done to him. it's angry, it's resentful not only to douglas but to wilde himself probably, for never truly putting a stop to it, for going back to him over and over again.

but de profundis is also about pain, it's about forgiveness, it's about humility. it's about acceptance of one's self and place in society, after all, the biggest sin is not living to the fullest. it's almost philosophical, it discusses religion and in such a unique way. it's full of literary references that if you didn't know before that wilde was an incredibly cultured man you do now. through it wilde takes the role of a teacher, a mentor not just that of a former lover who's been led down and hurt.

and of course there's the infamous 'love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling' which is really not about sucking dick (although I will admit with that interpretation it would be a fire fucking quote), in context it's about not being worthy of celestial nor romantic love. once again it's about humility.

and all of this is so solidly structured it's amazing he wrote one page a day without being able to edit anything until later. and its prose. ughhh. I only wish I was smart enough to truly understand every nuance of it.

[seyaryminamoto]

What I’m trying to say is that I think there would always be tension between Zuko and Azula. But it doesn’t mean Zuko wouldn’t try to help her. And it doesn’t mean she’s incapable of caring for her brother.

Now this we can certainly be in full agreement about. Zuko doesn't try to help her in this story at all, like I've explained many times now, because he's absolutely stuck on a very toxic mindset that he refuses to break. It's a concept that I wanted to explore because of how often I've seen people reiterating that he's "allowed" to resent her and never forgive her and have nothing else to do with her.

I'm not even that harsh with Zuko in that story, I'd say (bet a bunch of you thought I'd have another Sokka-punch straight to Zuko's face if they came face-to-face in this one, huh? X'D), I refused to write him wanting her executed because, while certain fans HAVE said that, I don't think I want to write a Zuko who spirals to THAT extent. But of course, I wanted to show through the story what it means for some people, unlike yourself, to believe that Zuko can't possibly help her, that he shouldn't, that it's even unethical to expect him to do it, and just... why? Why would this be the hill you want to die on? Why would you want this traumatized boy to never learn to work through his trauma and never learn to see more than his own pain? It was a lot of pain, nobody needs to hide that... but for a character who's constantly touted for being such a symbol of empathy, it makes very little sense that some of those fans, the very ones who talk about him being all about empathy, would demand that he shows none towards his sister.

So... yeah. This particular AU is a rarity for me because I really don't want to explore Zuko in this direction. I mean, nothing good would come from it, either: if I went any further, he'd likely wind up losing everything if he keeps clinging to this mindset. One of the ironies of Zuko's behavior in this story is that, in clinging to resentment, he ends up effectively reversing the situation that led to Azula's breakdown in canon: first, Sokka picked Azula over Zuko. Then, Katara and Aang do it too. Toph, as well, by helping them when she does. Iroh did, too, by harboring Azula when he did. Slowly and surely, Zuko ends up resenting ALL these people he loved for not choosing to support him on his "Azula cannot be forgiven!" crusade, and he takes it as a betrayal, just as Mai and Ty Lee betrayed Azula for his sake. And if the fact that Zuko could spiral into a situation that mirrors Azula's breakdown doesn't feel like a massive red flag about this headcanon, I don't know what will. But I do believe that nobody who loves this guy should ever want him to wind up in a position like this one.

As for Azula, I absolutely agree, though I also believe that her way of caring about Zuko isn't what most people want it to be. I don't think Azula could ever become someone who coddles him and treats him reverently... but I do think she could look after him in tough-love sort of ways. I do think she could want to protect him if harm comes his way. Theirs would likely be a complicated relationship, I suppose... but I guess that's why people say that there's no set way to love a person. Love comes in many shapes and forms, and not everyone can love others the same way someone else does. I don't think Azula can love Zuko the way he wants to be loved by a sibling... just as I don't think Zuko can do that for Azula, either. But if they learn to accept each other, to truly understand one another, I do believe they could reach a level of respect and, who knows, even lowkey admiration for each other in the best of cases, and accept each other's care and affection in whatever form it comes, provided it's genuine, of course. As long as they learn to see each other with clearer eyes, I don't think their relationship could ever lose all hope. It could work... it just has to be done thoroughly, and the work to amend it NEEDS to come from both sides. Zuko making all the efforts for an unresponsive and ungrateful Azula would be just as unreasonable as Azula making all the efforts for an unresponsive and ungrateful Zuko. So, provided they both grow up a lot, individually, I believe they can grow as siblings...

... Which is something I have been doing for them in a certain other massive AU in which I may or may not have written my most wholesome and positive version of their bond, unintentionally :'D

I do think that it's possible these two could learn to let go of the spite and resentment, to be honest. It can be done, provided that they're handled by writers who know how to guide the characters in the direction necessary to achieve that goal. And I say this because I feel like I've done it pretty organically in Gladiator, obviously some people might disagree, but I actually feel good about the place where I've taken their sibling bond there. So I don't think it's beyond the realm of possibilities for these two to heal. Their bond can be better, but it takes mutual understanding, then mutual forgiveness, to make sure they can become better siblings for each other. It would take time too, yes... but when you're talking to someone who's spent a decade writing a fic, being told that developing something like this "takes time" almost comes off as a joke to me. Of course it would: that's no reason not to put in the work to make it pay off if you want it to. Otherwise, I would have given up on Gladiator in like 20 chapters, upon realizing it was going to be my biggest venture in this fandom and that I wouldn't possibly know how much time it was going to take me to finish it :')