#their soul calls to the MC's like a relentless magnet

[whatlovelybones-if]

It would be too much to ask for you to share again the scenarios of when mc and J met or when mc defended him from the bully?

J can feel their skull rattle with the amount of force with which the kick was aimed at their head. They grit their teeth, trying to tough it out. They will turn out fine, of course, after all this was a usual occurrence for them.

“God, you're so creepy,” their assaulter grimaces but keeps a smirk on. “Where did all your earlier bravado go, huh?”

The playground was filled with Joey and his friends, no teacher in sight at all. Although J doubts that a teacher would have cared either way. Just how many times did they go for help and complained about all the bullying, just to get themself thrown aside and their pain waved away.

Adults could not be trusted to keep them safe. So they learned to grit their teeth and bear it all. The mockery. The bullying. The punches and kicks.

J knew they didn't fit in with the other kids. Their interests were very different and it was hard for them to find a crowd with whom they could share their interests and hobbies with. For now, they were labelled the ‘class freak’ with their dark clothes and moody attitude.

“Go fuck yourself, all of you.” J glares at them, nose bloody and bruised. The kids around him bristle, not appreciating the curse word that this eleven-year-old threw out with no care in the world.

“What did you just say to us, you creep?” Joey glares back at them. “All those beatings didn't knock any sense into you at all?”

“I have an idea,” a girl pipes up from the crowd of his friends, holding a lighter in her hands. “Let's burn off that spiked tongue they have there.”

“Are you out of your mind, Liz?” Another girl asks, eyes wide in horror at the suggestion. “Haven't we done enough?”

“Shut up, Martha,” Joey rolls his eyes at the bespectacled girl, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face. “I, for one, think it's a brilliant idea.”

Liz sports a grin matching his as she hands him the lighter. His friends look at each other in slight fear.

“Joey, I don't think we sh–”

“Shut up! I'm gonna make this freak show think twice before ever spitting words like that at us again!”

Joey seemed almost hysterical as he said it and J struggled to get themself far away but the kick from earlier had made them extremely disoriented.

“Stop, no! Get away from me!” J tries to crawl away despite the headache and dizziness, only to have their head forced to face Joey as he tries to pry their mouth open.

“Say ‘ahh’, creep,” he rejoices in the black-eyed kid's struggle and it seemed like he had almost succeeded before a hand rests on the nape of his neck. He is then roughly pulled back, the air getting knocked out of his lungs as he lands on his back.

J coughs out a little, propping themself up and wiping their bloody nose as they try to get a good look at the person who had pulled Joey off them. Your back was turned towards them and you were leaning towards the fallen boy. J didn't know what exactly was happening but seeing the terrified looks Joey and his friends were sending towards the unknown kid meant that this encounter was proving nasty for them.

“Didn't your mother teach you about playing nice?” J heard you say. It was the kind of voice that soothed them almost instantly, pleasant and melodic.

The shudder that ran through Joey spoke of a different perspective however. He sees a cold emptiness in your eyes that has him travelling to the depths of his worst nightmares. The chilling smile you were sending him wasn't supposed to be directed by any person, let alone a child.

“No answer?” You tilt your head and stare at him with so much intent that he feels like he might go mad if this goes on any further.

“Where did all your earlier bravado go?” You mock him with his words, their smile only getting more unsettling with time.

“We'll leave,” Martha says, the only one brave enough to come close to you two. You turn your gaze on her and she immediately regrets this decision however. Yet, she tries to steel her resolve and speak further. “I swear, Joey wouldn't do anything like this again.”

Well, to be more specific, she'll try her best to not let him do anything like this again. But Martha had a gut feeling that talking to you was like playing with fire: one wrong word and you will burn Joey, her and everyone else around you.

“You heard that, Joey?” You grin at the trembling boy on the ground. “She swears you wouldn't do something like this again.”

He nods vigorously, eager to just get out of your presence and collect whatever dignity he has remaining. Just as he starts to smile when you take a step back, your foot swiftly aims towards his mouth.

Joey screams in pain as he feels a couple of his teeth getting either chipped or knocked out. Blood gushes from his mouth like a gory faucet and Martha covers her mouth in terror while Liz tries to hide herself further into the crowd.

“Just a little reminder of that promise,” you say with a giddy voice. “You shouldn't be playing rough on the playground, you know.”

Even with the stinging pain that spread through his whole mouth, Joey heard the hidden warning in your voice: ‘Say this was the result of your own actions, or else...’

J was silent as they saw the ghastly scene unfold in front of them. A day at the playground taking a turn for the worse. But, surprisingly, all they cared about was how good it felt to see him being taught a lesson.

‘Good riddance,’ they thought as Martha tries her best to drag Joey away from you, afraid that you'll decide to do something worse than kicking his teeth in.

“Can you get up now?” J blinks looking up to see the face of the person who just made a grisly mess of their classmate. Their breath catches in their throat when their eyes meet yours.

The breeze waves your hair around in the air softly and it feels like you were both in a cheesy movie scene. Your eyes were bright and tinted with a sort of kindness that wasn't what they expected from you. However, there was something more hidden in their depths that J couldn't exactly put their finger on. But the niggling confusion in their head gave way to an emotion that doubled down on their heart at the sight of your beautiful smile.

Their inky gaze is fixed on you, their heart singing a song that has them soaring like a bird in the sky. Just like that, they fell in love, hard. J fell for you with the intensity of a thousand ocean waves. And since then, the only constant star, the only thing that will ever truly matter to them, has been you.

[diamondsaregold]

Zig x MC - A Playlist

Background Info: In the spirit of slowly returning to sharing things with the world, I thought I’d post the playlist that I’ve spent approximately one month procrastinating on diligently working on. 

Started as a 30 song playlist, and cut down to 8 tracks. All the highs and lows of our entire The Freshman Book 3 relationship with Zig, with lots of angst and introspection. Some songs pertain to Zig x MC; others to each individual character.

Photos taken from Pexels, and edited by me in Photoshop. Hope you enjoy listening! 💕 Click on each song title for the link. I highly recommend listening to each song while looking at the visuals, lyrics, and analysis. 😉

1) “Heart Out” The 1975   An upbeat, atmospheric alt rock anthem to teenage love, personal issues, and monotony.

And once we started having friends round You created a television of your mouth ----- You got something to say Why don’t you speak it aloud, instead of living in your head? It’s always the same Why don’t you take your heart out, instead of living in your head? ----- It’s just you and I tonight Why don’t you figure your heart out?

We are reeling from suitemate drama and uncertainty when we stumble upon the enigmatic barista at the Hartfeld coffee shop. He shoots us knowing smirks, flirtatious remarks, and oh, it is working. The curve of his half smile, the curl of his deep hair, the heat of his toffee-warm skin washes over us. Risk is nothing when there’s endless possibilities in his gaze.

The start of the quarter is the perfect time to step away from the televisions (or books) inside our minds and take risks, to ground ourselves in new realities. Zig is something new, and very real.

2) “Smoke Filled Room” Mako A tropical, uplifting EDM track about the unstoppable girl who walks into chaos with her chin held high.

Isn’t it a little late? Shouldn’t you fly away? ----- Take a step around the room And every head keeps turning too Little dove, you fight ‘em back Show ‘em you’re so much more than that ----- Walk into a smoke filled room. Oh no one could keep their eyes off you. Have a little drink or two Oh how could you be that girl I knew?

Soaring vocals brim with adrenaline, courage, and tenderness. That night, we head out into a strange world of dusky romances and dangerous people. Yet somehow, we always prove our past selves wrong.

Fragile. We walk into the Gutter Kitten’s crowded show only to be met with icy stares (and ice queens). We stand our ground, telling off the rude band members and turning up the charm to an 11 with our coffeeshop cutie. We fight ‘em all back.

Magnetic. In our “little black dress” at Madison’s birthday party, Zig is transfixed. He craves complexity, the satisfaction of stripping apart a problem layer by layer. Our fire, our loyalty, our three dimensionality captivates this lover of permutations, logic. In the smoky magic of our late night bar escapade, he takes us apart. Slowly. Tenderly.

3) “Livewire” Oh Wonder A poignant, sparse piano and beat-driven ballad, contemplating two individuals who have become intertwined.

Counting my losses as I let them go. Heavy the water as I sink below. ----- I’ve been pretending all my shots are blown. Cover my heart up, never let it show. I’m shaking it off to find a higher low. ----- So hold me when I fall away from the lines. When I’m losing it all, when I’m wasting the light. And hold me when I put my heart in your hands. ----- Oh, won’t you be my livewire? Make me feel like I’m set on fire.

Covering up hearts, igniting fires, and letting walls down: how fitting that the themes here tie in with those of the other songs. As the relentless yearning to explore one another in dimly lit rooms and memorize each other’s complexities simmers down, our relationship spins into something deeper.

Grazing touches and gentle murmurs become even more fleeting, soft. When we hold each other tightly, slight frame on top of strong, sturdy, in the backseat of his old car, we realize that somehow within the span of weeks, we’ve become inseparable. 

His confessions topple our own walls. As the night goes on, we mold ourselves into each other. Our dependence on one another is intoxicating.

4) “Breaking the Habit” Linkin Park A hypnotic, downtempo rock song that depicts the gritty reality of addiction, dangerous habits, and resentment.

Memories consume Like opening the wound I’m picking me apart again ----- Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again ----- I’ll paint it on the walls Cause I’m the one at fault ----- I don’t know what’s worth fighting for So, I’m breaking the habit tonight

Things begin to spin out of control. One moment, he’s brittle, too quick to snap, to accuse others of false play, to push them away. In a split second, he’s soft again, murmuring gentle reassurances and apologies. We cannot understand his volatility. Fresh from the burn of an unfair, one-sided fight, we crack under the pressure. Everything gushes out.

The last thing we see is his back, taut with hard-earned, unwanted strength, tense with years of the strain of helplessness as his loved ones are damaged permanently. He has been cornered for so much of his life that running is a luxury. For him, the anger gnaws and carves away at his insides. All his adrenaline, his sadness, his quick temper feeds the addictive kick. He knows no existence without it. For us, everything dries up. What hurts more, his leaving, or the ease, the relief, with which he leaves? We sink into the deep, because we don’t know if he’ll be coming back. If he even wants to.

What we don’t know if that he’s the one tearing himself apart again.

5) “Nothing” The Script A stricken, pop rock ballad lamenting a damaged relationship and one man’s anguish.

Oh, sometimes love’s intoxicating. Oh, you’re coming down, your hands are shaking. When you realize there’s no one waiting. ----- Cause I’m shouting your name all over town. I’m swearing if I go there now. I could change her mind turn it all around. ----- So I, dialed her number and confessed to her I’m still in love, but all I heard Was nothing. ----- I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.

We did not get the chance to see Zig’s perspective after MC leaves for California. For me, this song fills in the blank spaces. I wonder what emotions must have been running through his mind. Resentment? Regret? I imagine him playing the fight over and over again, and beating himself up for lashing out.

We know that whatever he felt, it was strong enough to compel him to dial MC’s number--and, to be completely crushed when she ignored his call. It was the final straw: the confirmation that MC did not care about him. Her silence hurt infinitely more than a punch in the face. And so, the walls go up. He hunkers himself down behind defensiveness once again.

But to finally find someone who loved him for who he was, and to lose her in an instant, stings. He knows that things could have gone differently.

6) “Poison” luhx. A stirring, indie and electronica track about apprehension, toxic relationships and choices, and the road to self-forgiveness.

I’ve been on either side of letting someone down and I don’t know which one is worse ----- Your toxin takes its time to settle in When you said how much my skin reminded of home Time seemed to numb my sins ----- I laid down all my walls so you could lay here next to me I know now... ----- Too much of anything is poison And it’s laced upon your lips But the cure is in the venom, so I keep on coming back My soul is stained with your poison

Admittedly, this toxic relationship is a bit too dark for our reunion. Yet, there is something promising about the song’s raw honesty.  It speaks of newfound wisdom, awareness, all qualities that make for a future of healing. “Poison” then captures Zig’s relationship with his past, his demons, and his journey to self acceptance.

Anger was Zig’s poison. It gave him what justification he needed to hate the world that dealt him this hand, to fight back against bullies, to have tasted and now expect rejection, and to avoid disappointment by putting up barriers around all of his relationships. In time, his numbness to his own aspirations became part of him.

Too much anger, however, and everything crashed. Inside, all he wanted was to be free. To believe in himself and his dreams once again. When he first met us in the coffee shop, he caught a glimpse of that brimming courage he once had, many years ago.

He fears that he is broken beyond repair. Perhaps this anger is now laced within his veins, toxic vines twisting around his heart, skin stained with bitter rejection.

There is beauty in his fear and newfound awareness. We are hopeful.

7) “Love Somebody” Ta-Ku ft. Wafia An evocative, soulful indie-edm ballad and duet whose lyrics speak of a relationship on the mend.

Darling understand, my faith wavers when I can’t see the end And I know you truly believe that our love will keep us from the edge ----- I know we’ll never get it right We only ever seem to fight Anyone else would walk away When you love somebody then you stay

The end-of-the-quarter dance dazzles with the promise of new beginnings. To our joy, Zig is about to embark on his college journey! And, amid blushing and stammering confessions, he’ll do so with us--his favorite girl--by his side.

Under the blossoms of the fairy light-strung cherry trees, we twirl about on the dance floor, hearts light and gazes warm. He can’t stop staring at us, but this time, he knows that we’re his. And he, ours.

The future can come with all that it brings. As his hands make their home on our waist, we are content to press our face into his broad shoulder and just breathe. His hope is sweet as the air.

8) “Arrest Me” Shy Girls ft. Tei Shi A sultry, electronica ode to the battle for dominance and waves of pleasure.

You got me tripping on my walk like I’m a novice. Something about you on the top, if I’m honest Running in circles around me, cuz you know I love it ----- I’m gonna let you tie me up tonight And you can read my rights, if that’s alright I’ll loosen up your ropes and let you bite I wanna feel your touch ----- Arrest me

Surrendering and asserting have never tasted so perfectly together. Zig makes us crave something deeper, and we can’t control the hitch of our breath when he crumbles under our touch. How is it that we render him speechless anywhere we end up? There is heat everywhere. His gaze smolders, sends one quake after another shuddering through our pinned frame. 

After, we lay together, nestled together among the bedsheets, his arm still draped over us. His hands feel rough, but his caresses gentle. As much as we love the storm, we relish the calm. The steady rising of his chest, his soft snore, almost childlike, as we drift away.

Whenever I make playlists for characters or stories, I always try to base the songs off of the feeling, rather than the actual lyrics. “Smoke Filled Room” and “Poison” felt the most ‘Zig’ to me; “Heart Out”  the least. Regardless, I hope you liked my rambling musics and sound bites! Now back to my exam preparation... 😭