#their relationship so frigid and depressing on the surface. and almost definitely truly WAS as they got older

[gorillaxyz]

i rpf in an applying literary analysis (not very well) to some real life people. not in the shipping way

[the-hs-etaverse]

Neprezi

Gonna ignore some of the PQ-confirmed canon here. Long rant, be warned. It also gets a bit depressing.

I feel like Equius and Nepeta have been moirails, or have at least known each other, for quite some time. My guess is two sweeps by the time of Sgrub, maybe more. And it’s evident from [S] Remem8er that Vriska and Terezi have known each other for a similar length of time. Since Vriska and Equius are neighbours, it would only make sense that Terezi and Nepeta would, at some point, meet each other irl. I assume they hit it off really well. They’re both enthusiastic feral gremlins, it only makes sense.

So, like, despite Vriska’s and Equius’s protestations, they all hang out fairly frequently. Vriska and Equius do Not Like each other, and I doubt Vriska and Nepeta get along well, but Equius has a begrudging sort of respect for Terezi. “D--> She has sufficient b100d, though her mannerisms are not %eptable for her status” So it’s really the fault of Terezi and Nepeta that they all keep hanging out. Vriska and Equius are just like “siiiiiiiigh, fine”

I’ll get into the “Annoyed vs Annoying” dynamic some other time, cuz that’s the funnest part of their group dynamic for me. (Most fun. grammar jane.)

But Terezi’s Very touch-starved, cuz she technically doesn’t have a lusus yet, and she lives in a tree house in the middle of the woods pretty much alone. She’s not gonna admit to it, of course. She is a Strong Independent Troll and she don’t need no hugs! Okay actually she really wants them but she denies it vehemently. But, like, there are two people that she gets hugs from, and that’s Vriska and Nepeta. Vriska’s not really a hugger, but Nepeta? She’s like the textbook case of the Personal Space Invader. She’s VERY huggy. And since Vriska has to like fend her off with a stick and Equius can only accept so much cuddles in public, Nepeta just cuddles with Terezi constantly. ^w^

Yes, it’s a wonderfully cute headcanon, but, like, it’s part of the reason why Terezi ends up developing a flushed crush on Nepeta. Another part of it is probably Terezi projecting some repressed or unrecognized feelings about Vriska onto Nepeta, cuz, like, Nepeta’s her other best friend? She’s gotta have feelings for someone she’s close to, and since it’s obviously not Vriska (spoiler alert: it totally is but she doesn’t realize for like 6 sweeps), it’s gotta be her! Right? >:]

Anyhow, so yeah, they’re like 5 sweeps old now (I think that’s a reasonable age for it) and Terezi’s having her first Crush Ordeal. But she’s not gonna tell Nepeta about it, no, of course not. Only idiots tell people about their crushes! And it’s not like Nepeta would return the feelings! Yeah, and this goes on for like half a sweep, and Nepeta has no friggin’ idea. She’s, uh, how did I put it earlier, she’s more interested in ships to be than the ones that are right under her cute little nose. But, like, Terezi crushing on Nepeta gets fairly obvious. Vriska knows, and Karkat knows. (Equius is, wrt relationships, as dense as a sack of cement.)

But then Nepeta tells her about her crush on Karkat, and Terezi does not handle that well. Because, obviously, this means Nepeta isn’t flushed for her in return. This is what she’s been fretting about for half a sweep. So she has a crisis, and she bottles it all up completely because she hates dealing with her emotions. (Cold hard facts, that’s where it’s at!) And Terezi, on the surface, stays mostly the same, but she gets rather more frigid towards Nepeta. Like, their friendly chat roleplays become, on her end, more and more facetious. Nepeta doesn’t really notice; she’s better with social interactions in theory than in practice.

And Terezi also unconsciously decides to sabotage the possible Karnep relationship. So she starts talking with him more, turning her annoyance and deep-seated resentment into a way to sort of flirtatiously bug the heck out of him. You know, as preteen boys are wont to do? And she ends up tricking herself into thinking she has feelings for him. She doesn’t. It’s just her projecting. She definitely likes him, she eventually overcomes her resentment and genuinely improves her friendship with him, but Karkat’s sort-of feelings for her (yeah, he is sort of flushed for Terezi, though it might be more vacillating than anything) aren’t truly returned.

(how can I write with such nuance about relationships and not be good at it at all irl? like nepeta, i’m better in theory than practice, I guess)

So, then, a few 'gees later (I will make a proper Alternian calendar at some point!), there’s the Scourge/Charge Debacle. Aradia is got gud, Tavros gets broke, Vriska gets bombed, and Terezi gets blinded. So yeah. Friendships = broken. The Equius, Nepeta, Terezi, and Vriska gang stop hanging out entirely. Vriska shuns Terezi and vice versa, the former turning to Eridan for... well not exactly friendship, and Kanaya for, uh, sort-of friendship. And Terezi has now voluntarily isolated herself from virtually everyone she was really friends with. Her relationship with Nepeta is tense and insincere, at least on her end. Her relationship with Karkat isn’t genuine yet. Her relationship with Vriska has been smashed into itty-bitty pieces. Her relationship with Equius has kind of vanished. Aradia is gone, and Tavros is too afraid to talk to her. Sollux is still around, but he’s not quite the same guy he used to be. Terezi never talked with Kanaya overmuch (except when she learned sewing from her), but once Vriska kickstarted the moirallegiance with her, out of a deep-rooted sense of jealousy, communications there virtually froze. She was never close with Gamzee or Eridan or Feferi.

As Sgrub begins, Terezi has become a rather isolated individual. She always was one, but now she’s even more so. The few connections she still has are laced with insincerity. She has retreated into her mind, because it’s where she feels safest. Once the session is over and the trolls are all stuck on the meteor, she wants to start trolling the humans because, well, it absolutely is fun for her. But also, because it’s the only way she really knows how to interact with anyone anymore.

Nepeta’s death struck a chord in Terezi, I believe, if perhaps not quite as strong of one as Vriska’s death did or almost did. She tamped it down, of course. Nepeta’s dead now. She can let the feelings leave. That’s one less weight off her chest. But she also is grieving, wholeheartedly, though she refuses to let herself know. She takes a picture of the Nepeta ghost falling into the black hole instead of trying to save her, because she’s still trying to convince herself that it doesn’t matter anymore.

But it does, and it did.

The first love bites the deepest.