#their last cbs i was unable to bc i was so broke

[happyhippystuff]

CB Day 40:

didn’t sleep well last night, so i woke up feeling like i barely slept. woke up edgy, made a cup of lemongrass tea and wrote letters. then, did a revitalise class by psycle which was a good balancing flow. decided to stream into morning service for a change + i was waiting to break my fast - ps russel spoke about prayer, and we will be entering 2 weeks of prayer and fasting. i think one area that God has been challenging me this season, is also in the aspect of prayer life and also WHO DO I KNOW HIM AS. i always find it so hard to believe in the power of prayer, idk if i don’t trust in who God is, or do i not trust myself but again, it all boils down to how much i know God - is He someone who only answers certain prayers? or is He a God who answers our prayers, regardless of who we are. 

anyhow, i broke fast on the dot today HAHAHA and felt a bit less edgy after ingesting some CARBSSSSS HAHA mb its the lack of carbs making me angsty.......... and then i proceeded to have lunch + a bunch of snacks (this is why i will never lose weight), but okay ~period cravings~ HAHA i think bad sleep just makes me lose all form of self control. 

it is currently 14:23 and i have yet to do anything productive today, except maybe decide on a birthday gift for aunty yani - i took REAL long on that bc i don’t rly research on skincare much + trying to fit within a budget + having SO MANY options + my indecisiveness ._. it makes me feel like getting stuff for myself too HAHAHA but no, i do NOT need it. 

i plugged in my earpiece and am listening to piano tunes, just for some calming effect + cues to get into the mood to prepare for my interview. i’m trying to tell myself to just be myself, and to really think about what i want and who i am, instead of moulding myself into who i think the interviewers want me to be - i think this is sth that i need to learn, to be truest version of me - and if people are unable to accept, then it is probably not a good fit. also trying to keep in mind that it is He who opens doors and He who closes them - whatever it is, i know that it is for my good. 

going to have belated mothers’ day crab meal for dinner tonight so i guess, cheat day :D am just rly sluggish today but i think i’ll still do a workout later, and if i’m rly not feeling it, i can always do easier variations. 

okay, interview prep time (!!!) 

I ought to be asleep, but I just wanted to end off today!!!

So I did a workout in the end because, keeping the goal in mind. No regrets tho, I think the thing about working out is... the starting is always the hardest. Dinner was super yums, I ate so so so much but no regrets :-) hehe. Also, I shamelessly asked the bf if he could buy me flowers HAHAH Altho I’m not a flower person but I Guess... once awhile it’s nice🥺 and maybe bc life has been so mehhhh. but idk..... the money can probably be used for better things HAHA

Hmm sort of prepared for my interview, but also am a bundle of nervesssssss oh Lord I don’t want to want it more than You. And decided that I will fast from processed sugar and snacking for the next 14 days. Fasting is always such a thin line to tread for me personally bc Idw to use fasting as a cover for other things but this time!! I’ll rly check my heart and make sure that my intentions are right. I’ll also try to be more INTENTIONAL with spending time to prayyyyy.

Okay bed time!!!!