#the writing on here is... hoo boy its really something. some of y'all write like you're tryna do numbers on “booktok”

[bitchdafuqyousay]

i am!! once again judging y'all!!

wtf is up with people using "roaring"/"roared" in their writing to like, describe the way a man sounds when ejaculating. like. what. why he in your ear just absolutely doin it lion style. who y'all fucking?? smaug?? tony the tiger?? I have never in my life experienced a man fuckin. r o a r . when he cums. like just say "he cried out", "he exclaimed loudly", hell if you want him screaming n crying (me too) just say "yelled". fuck is up with roared. enough of that.

[fuckyeahscienceparty]

*quietly steps in* writing prompt........ one of them gets badly injured in a scenario where respawn is down. :) *quietly steps out*

ok this definitely isn't what you were expecting and i actually broke 2k w this one but. hoo boy. this was a beast to write. i hope it's worth a read :'>

-

Play Doctor

It's the final wave and everyone's just about ready to keel over, including and especially Medic. 

...Whoops?

-

After weeks upon months of battling the infernal things, the last wave of Grey Mann's robots had finally come. Miss Pauling had called in the night before, warning them that this was going to be the biggest one of all, but even then, none of them were quite ready for the sheer amount of metal men coming after their asses that day.

From the current trajectory, Engie could tell there were going to be almost, if not, a thousand of them, having stayed most of the wave on top of the building directly in front of where the robots came through with his Wrangler in hand and shotgun at the ready.

"Hey, Engie, you holdin' up aight?" Scout asked as he sprinted his way up the stairs and directly for the dispenser to pick up refill of bullets.

"Just about holdin' down the fort. How about y'all?"

"We're managin', I think! Doc's not lookin' too hot though."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we're tryin' to make it easier for him since he's literally like the only thing other than your dispenser keepin' us alive right now ever since respawn went kaput, but compared to him there's lots of us and even more robots so it's kinda hard to keep together 'n' stuff."

It was then that Soldier had let out a rather annoyed sounding "BIG ROBOT!" at the sight of a giant Heavy approaching, both Engie and Scout looking over when they'd heard him.

"And I think that's my cue! Thanks for the bullets, Hardhat!" Scout nodded at him, reloading his Scattergun before hopping down the stairs two at a time and running back in for a rumble.

Engie, meanwhile, looked out over the sea of crumpled dollars and miscellaneous robot parts, scanning the field before his eyes locked on Medic. Even though he was a little ways away from him, he could see what Scout meant, frowning slightly as he let go of the Wrangler's joystick so his sentry could pick off any robo Scouts that happened to make themselves a nuisance.

Medic looked both mentally and physically exhausted, but he was still running after everyone else at top speed, deploying his shield and uber as often as he could while making sure that anyone who died, no matter how far away, got revived as soon as he realized they were no longer breathing.

It was excruciating work and Medic had been doing it almost every day for at least the past 2 months, having been practically forced to sharpen and hone his skills when the respawn machine had finally decided to kick the bucket when they were in the middle of repairs.

As the rest of their teammates focused on getting the giant to its knees (Scout in particular going around and bullying the two robo Medics it'd been sent in with), Medic had deployed his shield and stood directly in front of the robo Heavy, slowly backing up as it made its way forward with the bomb on it's back with various teammates standing a ways behind him.

In his concentration to not fall over or let anyone get riddled with bullets, however, he didn't notice the Spybot that had crept up behind him, Engie's eyes widened as he yelled out a startled "MEDIC!" in an attempt to get his attention.

However, Medic could only barely hear him over the explosion of the giant, turning around only to get stabbed right in the back of his left shoulder and letting out a scream that made Engie's blood run cold.

Without even thinking, he activated his sentry's shield and grabbed his shotgun before flying down the stairs to his left and running directly to where Medic had fallen over, shooting the Spybot to death before turning his attention to his healer boyfriend.

"Hey sweetheart, you still with me?" Engie asked as he carefully picked up Medic and all his gear, only getting a pitiful gurgle in response as Medic coughed up some blood onto his sleeve.

"...Ok, on second though, just don't talk," He grimaced as he hurried his way back up the stairs, carefully laying Medic on his side in front of his dispenser and unclipping the Medipack to reduce the stress on his body.

In the meantime, there seemed to be a reprieve in the number of robots coming, most likely so that Grey Mann could get ready to send out whatever final punishing attack he had stored up his sleeve. The rest of the team made quick work on the stragglers before making their way back to resupply one final time as Engie reached for some of the supplies he kept in the dispenser, pulling out a towel, a vial of healing gel, bandages, and medical tape.

"Alright, I'm gonna take this little number out of your back now so you can actually heal up properly so uh. Sorry, in advance," Engie mumbled as consolingly as he could, Medic barely mustering enough strength to gurgle back before he was screaming in pain again.

"I know honey, I know, I'm sorry," Engie winced as Medic coughed and wheezed for breath, throwing the knife over the edge before applying pressure to the stab wound to lessen the blood flow while letting the dispenser do it's work in actually healing it.

When he started wheezing less, Engie let go and wiped his hands with the towel he took out so he could actually hold things. He then took the vial of healing gel, popped off the cap, ripped through a bit of Medic's clothing, and used the towel to soak up some of the excess blood before slathering gel on his still rather awful looking wound and covering it in bandages and medical tape.

He then readjusted Medic so that his head was in his lap, carefully pushing his hair out of his face and pushing his cracked glasses further up his nose so they wouldn't fall off.

"That a little better?"

Medic coughed a few times but nodded, attempting to sit up and reach for his gear only to collapse back into Engie's lap.

"Fuck. No, no, no, not now," Medic whined softly, Engie grimacing slightly.

"Sorry starry eyes, I don't think you'll be getting back up any time soon."

"I don't have a choice. They- they're going to get destroyed out there without me," Medic hissed, making another attempt to get up before Engie stopped him.

"Honey, you're exhausted. I was honestly surprised you were still standing before you got stabbed in the back but I think that was the tipping point that told your body to give up."

Medic didn't say anything for a few moments but Engie could see the deeply panicked look in his tired eyes as he tried to think of something he could do.

"I. I can't. They need a healer, what.. What am I going to do?"

Engie thought about it before taking a deep breath.

"I'll do it."

"...What??"

"I'll do it. II'll take your place until the wave is over."

"Engie... Are you sure? Do you really think you can keep up with them all?"

"Honey, I have no idea, but I know if you go in there again, you're going to die. Full stop. And if you die, everyone else is gonna follow after. Besides, I've worked on the Medigun enough to know how it works, and a rusty healer is better than no healer."

Medic seemed to mull it over before sighing, still obviously unhappy about the situation but a little less... reluctant."

"Ok. Alright. Fine."

"Yeah?"

"But... What am I going to do, then? I can't just sit here and watch you all suffer," Medic frowned.

An idea then came to Engie's head as he reached for the Wrangler (that he may or may not had carelessly thrown to the side before he'd gone to get Medic), offering it to him.

"Think you can still aim?"

Medic looked at both him and it warily.

"It won't fire at the team or nothin' if you accidentally point the beam at one of us. Safety's still on. And you could always just let go and let it autoaim if there ain't anythin' you need to focus."

He hesitated once more before sighing.

"...Alright. At least help me up so I can see them, though."

Engie nodded, handing it to him and guiding his hands to where they should hold it before moving him up so he was sitting up and leaning against the dispenser, legs dangling over the ledge of the building.

"That good?"

"Mm."

"Ok. I think they're gonna start back up soon so..."

Engie hurriedly went over to the small pile of Medic's gear he'd put down, removing his wrench from his pocket (but keeping his pistol), clipping the Medipack onto his overalls, and inspecting the Medigun's various apparatuses.

"This one's for uber, this one's for shield. This dial ups the intensity and this one activates crits," Medic said, leaning over a bit and pointing to indicate what he was talking about.

"I know that, I helped you upgrade it for Christ's sake."

"And I'm reminding you. You've never done this before and I'm worried," Medic insisted. Engie merely moved over to push his hair back again, giving him a kiss of the forehead.

"It'll be fine, Sunshine. I promise. Stop worryin' your pretty little head off."

Medic's expression softened.

"Well you've never given me a reason to doubt you so. Good luck, mein Lieber. And if we uh..."

"Yeah?"

"...If we. Fail. Or if one of us doesn't make it, I just want you to know that I love you. I really do. Please never forget that."

"I love you too, baby, more than you could ever know. And we're going to make it. I know we will."

Medic smiled weakly, managing to bap his head against Engie's softly.

"You should head over. The robots are coming any minute now, I know they're expecting me. Well. You, now, I suppose."

"Roger that, boss," Engie grinned playfully, bapping him back before standing up and making his way down the stairs and over to where the other 7 mercenaries were huddled in a group, trying to plan out their final attacks.

"...and I think there's gonna be another 4 tanks this time so we gotta- oh hey Tex!" Demo smiled, waving at him.

"Howdy, y'all."

"Engineer! Is good to see you but. Where is Medic?" Heavy squinted.

"Sorry big guy, but uh. Medic's out of commission for now."

"So then who's gonna..." Scout trailed off before realizing that he was holding the medigun.

"No way."

"Yeah way."

"You- you're gonna be Medic now?"

"It's either me or you die. Pick your choice."

"Well-"

Scout paused.

"Ok, that's fair actually."

"What's Medic doing then?"

Engie turned back to wave at Medic from where he was sitting on top of the building, fiddling with the Wrangler, the rest of the team turning to see him wave back.

"Huh. So you guys are switchin' places today?"

"In a way."

Before anyone else could say something, they were all silenced by the slight rumbling beneath there feet, looking over to the large carrier over the horizon.

"Well, enough chitter chatter. See you on the other side, everyone. I looked forward to our victory," Spy hummed before clicking his watch, disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Sniper nodded to everyone before heading to his usual sniping area, the others forming a sort of spaced out wall across the battlefield with Engie front and center.

"Everybody ready?" He called out as he pushed the handle of the medigun down and hovered his finger over the shield switch, getting various affirmations and war cries in response.

However, they were once again cut off by the feeling of the ground rumbling, the last of the hordes came into view. First up was dozens and dozens of robo Scouts and Demos led by a rather large Pyrobot, everyone getting a proper grip on their weapons in anticipation.

Engie let out a nervous sigh before cracking his neck on both sides, flipping the shield on, and mumbling softly to himself.

"Alright, Dell. It's time for you to play doctor."

[laws-yellow-submarine]

Hoo boy ok tonight's Productivity Hours brought to you by the feeling of accomplishment I got by completely assembling my son's new food truck toy by myself (an early birthday present from Grandma, holy shit he's almost 2 😭😭), and the inspiration that hit me at 5:30 am after reading the newest chapter of MNP by @ohpineapples (I hype it up all the time on here I know but here I am hyping it again, it's so freaking good go read it if you haven't lol)

I'm sorry for being so MIA lately, July was super rough (between the miscarriage and then injuring my toenail like a big dummy, and just generally being stuck on stuff, but I'm feeling pretty decent now). I'm also going through a slight (larger than slight) Law and Order: SVU phase right now? I may or may not be in the half planning stages for a fic, because while there are some really well-written fics for the character I wanna read, none of it is exactly what I'm looking for which means I either gotta suck it up or write it myself, and I have enough of a basic idea that I could reasonably just write it myself if I have time (which I don't technically have, but that's never stopped me before lol). I'm hoping to be back more, and get caught up on One Piece of Summer entries! I have a bunch saved up to read I just need to actually sit and read them lol I managed to get my inbox down to 8 requests, and I wrote at least 5 more pages for chapter 7 of TWF, so things are looking up!

Also also, if anyone's interested I do have an Instagram that I've been posting art to lately, it's "leynadoodles" (gotta maintain that brand recognition lmfao). I've been practicing more lately and some of its actually been fairly decent so if you'd like, go check it out! My most recent post is a...lewd drawing of Hazel (nothing graphic just lingerie but uh...yeah, like I said I'm practicing don't judge me lmfao)

That's all I got. Thanks for sticking by me time and time again! Only thing going on right now is planning my son's birthday for the 8th of August (that's the only thing that might take up my time and energy but otherwise I plan to be working on SOMETHING so I can finally get this stuff finished!) Love y'all! 💕

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.