#the worst movie i've watched this year not on hallmark? not only was it bad but all of blake's outfits seemed to be from carhartt

[goddesspharo]

She rolled into a flower shop, told Blake Lively (who wasn't even looking to hire an employee) that she hated flowers and flower shops, and then immediately landed a job at said flower shop.

#dream scenario in 2024

[carefulfears]

As someone fascinated by David Duchovny’s movie filmography from a distance, I have to ask what it’s like for you in the trenches. What’s been your favorite and least favorite movies he’s been in? Did you watch the secret? Were there any movies you thought were bad that he was inexplicably good in? You’re gods bravest soldier.

OMG this is like my favorite question i've ever gotten, thank you so much for asking me this. i was just saying privately that i feel kinda bad coming back on tumblr rn when i've spent so so much time and energy studying duchovny's work (i could write a literal dissertation. might.) that it's really the lens i see everything through right now and all i wanna talk about lol...so y'all please feel free if there's anything you're ever curious about or want me to expand on, to ask.

i started this little project after receiving a difficult medical diagnosis, when i really needed a project in the midst of doctor appointments and painful, traumatizing life changes. i didn't tell anyone what i was going through for 4 months, so i couldn't really talk about what my days were like, and really just needed something else...i started watching californication 3 days after finding out, and just really loved it. that show means so much to me, in so many ways, and i didn't expect it to.

and it just kind of went from there, i loved seeing him work in cali. it was something so crazy and brilliant and almost electrifying to see this performer really in it, and plugged in, and interested, and invested, in a way that you can see on the x-files but not at the same consistency and intensity. everywhere that he was sometimes indifferent or bored or inexperienced as mulder, he's doubly hitting every mark as hank moody. it's more than a series-defining performance and it's just great to watch someone excel at what they do like that.

and as i kept watching his work i became really fascinated with this dynamic i was seeing where he could either be hitting it that hard, one of the best you've ever seen, transcending the material....or he could just kind of be there....and it seemed to depend on very little more than his mood. or whether he was interested. or whether he was well-cast? i ran into this phenomenon eventually where it seemed like directors/producers were casting him for the name without really utilizing or playing to his strengths, or even understanding what those were.

i have rankings of his films on my letterboxd: you can check my lists for my ultra specific ones, but this is my general ranking. my favorite is still and forever the rapture, which i wrote an essay about last summer. as far as the worst...full frontal and new years day suck ass. phantom is just boring, and odd in a dull way. you people is netflix's most unfunny and uncomfortable original. and house of d...is what it is.

i adore the secret. i've seen it 3 times and have it on DVD. i don't expect any person alive other than me to like it, but i'm just obsessed with it. i've tried to write about it so many times and never make it past the obvious discomfort, i just feel like i've lost every reader before i even say anything. but i find it to be a really interesting look into family and self and marriage and actualization and, yes, sex, and i love it.

movies that are bad but he's good in them.....probably louder than words. that movie is insufferable to watch, i'm sorry. i did write about it once for a newsletter that i never published. it's like this pseudo-hallmark feel-good philanthropic dead kid movie (based on a real dead kid and family which is why i'm sorry for trashing it) but it's so cheaply made and flat. duchovny plays the grieving dad, the character that the story revolves around, because he's the person that the family revolves around. including the three older children that his wife (played beautifully by hope davis, this movie really should be better than it is) had before they were married.

after the loss of his only biological child to a rare case of rabies, "dad" goes from strong and silent to "a zombie." and the family really struggles without both their "glue" of a baby sister, and dad.

he's great in it!! hope davis is great in it!! and it has a lot of really interesting roots about grief and blended families and fatherhood. one letterboxd review pointed out that "duchovny has always been great at playing fathers," and the movie really plays on that. it just isn't a good movie, the editing and the script aren't there.

otherwise, some of my favorite performances, in films that i love:

/ julia has two lovers

i love this movie so much but i'll keep it to the point and say that if they'd made 5, 10, or 20 movies like this- david duchovny would have been a movie star. i have this joke, that i've seen a lot of david duchovny movies and never once been like "you know who was great in that movie? david duchovny."

julia has two lovers is my "you know who was great in that movie?" movie.

he is so delicious in that film and it isn't just sexuality, it's vulnerability and gentleness and suavity.

the entire first hour, that's just the 2 characters on the phone, feels so special to me and is one of my favorite moments in film ever...but the scene that i always go back to in terms of his performance is when daphna kastner's julia has been assaulted by her fiancé and she's in the bath crying- still on the phone with duchovny's daniel. and he wants to cheer her up, and he looks like a nervous little boy trying to (as he describes) make his mother feel better. but he tells her this story from his childhood until she starts laughing and the tension breaks, and i just love this quiet hesitation in both that scene and that character. there is a vulnerability to it, with them both in various states of undress, both sharing pieces of themselves with a wrong number phone call stranger, and it plays out beautifully.

the film was sexual in a way that was extreme at the time, and very focused on women's sexuality. it was so low-budget (cost less to make than a tv commercial), and it was never released on DVD or digital. and it plays to his strengths, in a way that's rare to see in a lot of these films. i see a lot in julia has two lovers of what would go on to sky-rocket the x-files, and ground californication.

/ connie and carla

this movie is a riottttt it is literally never not fun and entertaining but there is one ultra quick and specific moment that stands out to me.

connie and carla revolves largely around a gay community in los angeles (specifically the drag community), and peripherally a performer named robert's struggles to reconnect with his brother, david duchovny's jeff, after the estrangement and homophobia in their family.

duchovny is great in this movie, it's the kind of comedic work that he excels in, and it literally has me howling every time. i have videos somewhere from the first time i watched it of me just falling apart hysterically laughing at some of his scenes.

but the emotional peak is when jeff goes to robert's apartment to tell his brother that he's sorry. that he should have stood up for him, he should have accepted him, he should have just loved him. and they discuss their parents, and the truth of what happened in their family.

there's this moment afterwards where he goes to leave and robert thinks that he's walking out, but he kind of doubles back and leans down to hug him quickly, very awkwardly.

i just loved that and i think it's dd at some of his best, this kind of uncomfortable effort.

it also always reminds me of californication's slow happy boys, the episode where hank moody's high school best friend comes to visit and he's a total fucking nightmare. there's a similar moment in the end where hank drops his friend off at the airport and hugs him clumsily while stammering "i love you. i love you."

again, connie and carla plays to his strengths!! i've written about before how duchovny is at his best playing men with good intentions. with their heart in the right place, and a lot complicating that. and i think that movie is a great wacky comedy that lends to it.

/ the tv set

this movie is like cocomelon to me i love it. and i honestly won't talk about it much because there isn't a lot to discuss, you kind of just have to see it. it's very funny, with a great cast (justine bateman!! judy greer!! two californication guest stars that i would've loved to see him work with a million times) and i always just enjoy watching it.

duchovny really grounds this movie in a way that i find to be so subtle and compelling, he carries the comedy as far as it can go but also holds 100% of the dramatic burden. everything serious or weighted in it you have to get just from watching his face and body language, and you can.

the look on his face in the last scene, with television set by joel plaskett playing over him, is exceptional!! one of those moments where i feel that he's just on the top of his game, understanding a character and what is happening to him, and following through. that final moment changes the tone of the film and it's all in the look on his face.

/ the joneses

another movie that i love that i also find to be a prime example of smart casting...i've intended for a long time to write at length about this one (and i still might) but in simple terms, the joneses wants to sell you something. the family that it's about, the joneses, want to sell you something. and it's the only film that i feel took advantage of one thing i mentioned earlier: casting for the name. while also playing to the strengths of each performer.

the joneses positions demi moore, david duchovny, amber heard, and benjamin hollingsworth as walking and talking advertisements. influencers before a truly digital age. i won't go too far into it, because there are several twists that you just have to see for yourself, but it positions itself on the premise that everyone wants what these 4 people have.

and it wants to sell you david duchovny, just as much as every movie poster does. as demi moore's character says: "when you want to, you can be quite handsome. and extremely charming."

the movie depends on that, just as much as the characters do. the movie is relying on the fact that you will go see a david duchovny picture, just as much as the characters rely on those around them buying david duchovny's life.

i think it's perfectly cast, well acted, and extremely meta in a way that's wildly culturally relevant. but it also exploits a factor that i feel had previously held him back: the idea that you will just want whatever this person has.

there is so much that could be said on this topic because i find it to be so rich, and have loved exploring it, but there's a bit of what i've learned!! thanks again for the question, love u!!

[gregorygerwitz]

Some Sentences Sunday

I've started writing a Hallmark-esque AU that may or may not be finished in time to post for Yule/Christmas/whatever vague holiday this fic is actually about. feat. single dad!Mouse, small town doctor!Will, and 10yo!Noah being precious and adorable and angst-ridden. Here are... some angsty sentences about them.

For a moment, silence lingered in the car under the gentle hum of the music from the radio. It was the first time during the entire drive that it had been so quiet, even during the intermittent naps there was at least the sound of heavier breathing. There were singalongs, and jokes, and stories about school friends, and a million other things, but not silence. Silence was rare even outside of school breaks, their small home usually filled with the sounds of cooking or homework or laughter and all of the other signs of life that they made together. 

Silence was reserved for the darker times of the night. It only came about anymore after a particularly bad nightmare, or a bad day, when talking about things would only make them worse. They’d both fallen into the habit of savoring the good things and trying to ignore the bad. The only family they had was each other, and thinking about all the people they’d lost in the past would only remind them how easy it was to lose someone again. Avoiding that train of thought was the only way to make it through the day, sometimes. 

But it wasn’t easy to completely ignore all of those past anxieties and fears. 

“Do I have to sleep in my own room? I wanna sleep in a big bed with you.” 

Greg bit back a frown at the words and took a slow, deep breath through his nose. For the first few months they lived together, Noah wouldn’t sleep anywhere alone, and it only got worse as they grew closer. It made sense – he'd only been seven years old on that family vacation, when he’d woken up in a rented house to blood and violence and loss that he couldn’t even imagine. He’d arrived in Chicago with two parents, and a little brother, and the promise of going back to Indiana in a week to share stories about the big city and its lake with his friends. Three years later, he had someone else he called dad, and the first family vacation since the one that ended so horribly. 

He probably would have been more shocked if there hadn’t been such a request, when he really thought about it. As little as Noah could have done to save his biological family, or even protect himself more than he had, it made sense to want to keep an eye on the only family he had now when they were in an unfamiliar place. No part of him would want to relive the worst day of his life if there was a way to prevent even a fraction of it. 

“Of course you can sleep with me.” He kept his voice soft, risking a brief glance toward the passenger seat as if that would draw familiar eyes toward him. It didn’t, with Noah almost pointedly keeping his gaze out the window and fixed on some imaginary movement in the distance. “We’ll sit together and watch a movie in the big bed. How does that sound?” 

“Okay...” 

[its-all-papaya]

WAIT I DIDNT LNOW YOU POSTED AN ASK GAME ive been at work all day and off Tumblr

for selfish reasons can I pleaseeeeee do 31. and ask show/movie recs or your faves because I need new recs !!

I swear the lack of asks was not malicious intent 🫶

get to know me

i knowwwww i was just overreacting bc i was cold and wet and waiting outside my polling place scared. y'all are fiiiiine.

31. free pass (show/movie recs)

i am so rlly sorry to let you know that i am the WORST person to ask this kind of question to bc (as my friends like to say) i am bad at consuming media. i have a really really hard time watching movies bc my brain is broken in a "this is not a productive use of two hours" way? and same thing for shows with plot. i also have the general fucked up attention span that a lot of people in my generation have, which makes it hard to sit through things. i'll give you what i've got but i cannot even pretend that this is high-quality stuff !! you were warned !!

i really love documentaries, so a lot of my favorite media is in that realm. i love learning things. my favorites are FYRE (Netflix fyre fest doc), Athlete A (USA Gymnastics abuse thing), and Shiny Happy People (the Duggars). I've also watched Blackfish about a thousand times and this one doc Pray Away that gave me a borderline panic attack the first time i watched it, but mostly bc it was just like... really A Lot for me (we're going full exvangelical trauma dump tonight in the answers to this ask game for some reason).

if you're looking for movies that are NOT documentaries i am so so sorry to report that my favorite movie is National Treasure and i haven't watched anything new other than hallmark christmas movies in probably years. i saw the Barbie movie in summer of 2023 and it was the first movie i'd paid for since Frozen 2 in 2019.

for TV shows, it's a lottttt of reality TV for me. I've seen every episode of Catfish: The TV Show as well as Ghost Hunters and Ghost Adventures. I watched three full seasons of Sister Wives while writing anybody, nowhere. I went through a big Project Runway and ANTM phase during early COVID. also binged Love Is Blind as most of us did in 2020 and beyond.

TV shows with plots!!! Bones. it's the only love plot in any media that has ever made me cry. i know it's like... not scientifically correct but idgaf, it's whatever. Glee? unironically, glee is THE THING that began my political conversion. it was the first genuine gay rep i'd ever seen. also i've not talked about this bc it's extremely off-brand but i WAS a theater kid in college. outside of that, i'll go weird fixation mode and watch the entire first season of something before giving up - victims of this phenomenon are One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, American Horror Story, Criminal Minds, 90210 and Vampire Diaries. none of which i rlly recommend.

sorry i am so extremely unhelpful. really the only thing i watch is sports (F1 obviously but also MLB, NFL, NBA, WNBA, about every college sport that exists including some you've probably never heard of) and those few reality TV shows that i loop.

i feel awful for this answer. like it will keep me up at night. i'm so so so so so sorry.

[televinita]

So I watched Happiness for Beginners

I quite like the book; it's a solid 4 stars to me and while I've read less than half of Katherine Center's work at this point, I think it will stay in 3rd place among her titles for me. My chief complaints with it are how much I hated her brother Duncan and the terrible bully of a hiking instructor; I love Helen-the-book-character and ended up impressed by how they sold me, eventually, on the love story despite him being a full 10 years younger than her 32.

I also quite liked Netflix's previous adaptation of The Lost Husband, possibly my favorite of her books.

This movie...is not that good, largely due to my beef(s) with casting.

-First of all: Ellie Kemper is just…Not Right for the part in ways I can't explain (I'm neutral about her as an actress and was really hoping she'd overcome my initial doubt, but alas). Meanwhile Luke Grimes has a face made for store-brand Hallmark movies, and I hate Nico Santos with every fiber of my being. WHY DOES HE KEEP GETTING HIRED. I have loathed his face/voice/entire vibe from the first minute of his appearance on Superstore and time has made him worse. He SHOULD be selling insurance instead of paid to act.

-Related: I took one look at Duncan & Jake standing next to each other and shouted SWITCH THEIR CASTING IMMEDIATELY!!!!!! I didn't even recognize the former from Under the Dome until the end of the movie; I did recognize a general flair of charisma that made me understand how maybe someone could be charmed by a guy despite him being way younger. Unlike Grimes, who has the perfect vacant-eyed stoner/unkempt drifter look I associate with book!Duncan. And who also looks more like he could be related to Ellie Kemper, tbh.

-What I'm saying is the only way to salvage this is if you made a movie out of What You Wish For next and kept the casting.

-Two exceptions to the bad-casting rule: Blythe Danner as Gigi? absolutely perfect! (from my vague memories of the character anyway, which to be fair may also have been immediately overwritten by how much I just love Blythe & didn't know she was in this)

-The casting for Brett is also great. LOVE this version of Trail Guide Brett, desperately trying and mostly failing to assert authority over a group of adults far more adult than him (tbh I think he would struggle to assert his authority over a group of teenagers also. I think campers under 10 are really more his speed). He's so much worse in the book and was one of the things that kept said book at 4 stars instead of 5 for me, so this was a pleasant upgrade.

-I also really appreciate that this hiking trip is actually for beginners, and not a hardcore Test Yourself trip she accidentally signed up for instead. Watching Helen be at worst lightly teased instead of actively bullied was a nice change.

-The rest of the hiking pack was fine; I didn't love anyone particularly but I didn't hate them either. That's more what I expect from a film.

-Good soundtrack, beautiful settings

-Thank u for drastically improving on the story of Pickles

-I appreciate they highlighted Jake's repeated tending to Helen's minor injuries; doesn't work for me with these faces but good hurt/comfort effort. Great effort, in fact.

-Also happy they kept the visceral don't-step-on-fallen-logs lesson I learned from this book and continue to vividly remember every time I go hiking. And not even just because it finally got Nico the Unpleasant out of sight for good.

-The other main issue is I feel like this film is pretty…low stakes overall?? Like it felt overly lighthearted and nothing real serious. Even the major injury seemed more like a mild inconvenience than scary and life threatening.

-Worse, my favorite part of the book and what made me finally fully adore Jake -- where he loses his glasses and can't see in the dark to find his way back, and is in full panic-and-hyperventilation mode when Helen finds him and glomps onto her in a desperation hug -- fell flat. This hug seemed like a mildly impulsive expression of gratitude at best.

-Overall, IDK, it's not a terrible movie. It's just one of the more significant not as good as the book! types of adaptations I've seen, and that's not even usually a chief complaint of mine. I'm usually happy to accept movies as they are -- but this one definitely frustrates me.