#the world might be in ruins but I'll die surrounded by pretty people

[vapidink]

If I had a nickel for every time Square Enix gave us an attractive, silver haired Lord Commander I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.18: “Despair”

THEN: The key to Billie's library. Billie wants to become God. Cas made a deal with The Empty. Chuck absorbed Amara. Jack absorbed Adam's rib. Dean pointed a gun at Sam (DEAN POINTED A GUN AT SAM.) Chuck is pissed. Jack is going to explode.

NOW: We begin right where we left off last week, with Jack about to explode with God-killing power. Sam half-carries him into the map table room, Cas tells him to take deep breaths and focus, and Dean gets all panicky and is no help at all. Jack wants the guys to just leave him outside in order to minimize the damage when he goes kaboom. {Sidebar... how far away would he have to be, considering that his explosive power could kill God? Discuss.} Dean yells at Sam to find one of Rowena's spells (and oh, Sam as Rowena's apprentice; there's a plot that was sadly wasted, wasn't it?) but he's interrupted by Billie and her scythe, which she's carrying in a very obvious way. She's furious, and tells them the plan to destroy Chuck was doomed "because of you." Billie can't stop Jack's earth-shattering kaboom, "but there is something I can do." She sends him to the Empty. Empty!Meg cheerfully points out that he doesn't look so hot, but then he looks explosively hot. Ah, there's our earth-shattering kaboom!

Bunker. Billie explains that The Empty was the only option to absorb the impact of Jack the Bomb. And that he's not necessarily dead, because taking out Chuck and Amara was the part that was fatal, not actually being the bomb. Hmm. So Jack's point of no return wasn't actually a point of no return after all. It's kinda retconny, but not really? I've decided it's logical and I approve.

However, if the Empty survives, "it's gonna be pissed." Particularly at Billie. And it's very strong. Billie and Sam remind us that the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned. They do not get into the details of what constitutes a summoning, but I'm sure that isn't important. And Billie might be willing to bring Jack back, assuming he survived, but not until Sam returns what he took from her. Chuck's death book.

Sam immediately goes on the attack. He points out that she was planning to betray them from the start, leading to the deaths of all the AU refugees and everyone who was brought back from death, including him and Dean. "Even if I give you the book," he says, "what's to stop you from stabbing us in the back? Killing us all?"

"Nothing," Billie says. She gets up in Sam's face and tells him Jack won't last long. Either give her the book now, or lose him forever. (Can I just point out that Sam is still a little bloody from Dean punching him in the face? After he pointed a gun at him?)

Meanwhile, in the Empty, we discover that Jack is still alive (yay) and that this episode was directed by Richard Speight (yay). He is surrounded by particles that gradually form back into Empty!Meg. And, as predicted, she's pissed.

In the bunker, Sam brings the book to Billie, but ignores her outstretched hand and slams it onto the table instead. It's a pointless little burst of defiance and I love it.

Billie flips to the end to read the new ending of God's book, "since you ruined the last one." She seems to like what she reads. Sam says "Wait, the ends of your books change? So me killing Rowena was presented as unavoidable fate but it really wasn't necessary at all?" No, he actually doesn't. But I do, on his behalf. It's a pointless little burst of defiance. Over in the Empty, Empty!Meg grabs Jack's head and says "you made it loud!" and this is a conversation I've had with my dogs in the wee dark hours of the morning more times than I can count because we just want to SLEEP, GUYS but before she can actually crush his head, Billie zaps him back to the bunker.

Billie tells the guys that Jack is hers because he's still useful. Dean responds by grabbing her scythe and swinging at her. She flings him away, but she's wounded and bleeding light. Oh, and she dropped the book. Sam and Cas ignore Dean crumpled over against the wall - Cas runs to comfort Jack, and Sam runs to pick up the book. Unfortunately, he can't open it. Dean says "hey, thanks for not helping me, guys" and Sam says "oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm still a little rattled from you punching me in the face after you pointed a gun at me." No, he doesn't. But I do, on his behalf.

Several people have pointed out how skinny Jared looks in these last few episodes, but this is the first time I've noticed it. It will be interesting to see how he looks in the two that were filmed after their Covid shutdown.

Time jump. Dean is sitting in the library, drinking whiskey. And I've said it a million times but I'll say it again - I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking. And then it gets even better when Sam walks in wearing only a v-neck t-shirt. Single layer Sam alert, guys! How long has it been? Dean slides the bottle over to him and we get a little bonus hand porn and then this happens:

Sam, I'm sorry about... everything.

Dean, you don't have to -

I pulled a gun on you. It's like I just couldn't stop. You know, we were so close to beating him. Like, I could smell Chuck's blood in the water, and I - nothing else mattered. It was everything. And I just couldn't snap out of it.

Well, you did. You've snapped me out of worse.

Hmmm. Am I missing a time when Dean snapped Sam out of something? I mean, I know in Stull, Sam was able to overcome Lucifer because of Dean. But that was Sam snapping himself out of it. And Dean convinced Sam to give up the trials, but that wasn't Sam under anything that he needed to be "snapped out of." I think if you're going to give Dean credit for snapping himself out of it when confronted by his teary eyed, bloodied little brother, you have to give Sam credit for snapping himself out of his own situations.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is these two sitting quietly in the dark, drinking whiskey together.

Dean's feeling some despair (nice) because Billie wants them dead, Jack is powerless (oh, wait, when did that happen?), and Michael isn't answering his prayers. No one is on their side. "Well, we regroup, somehow," says Sam. They drink a sad little toast to "somehow," and I die a thousand deaths.

Billie's library. Billie stalks angrily through the stacks. A reaper informs her he put up warding to keep the Empty out, and asks if the plan has changed. Yes, it has.

Elsewhere, a woman we don't know is cooking some seriously dry scrambled eggs. She thinks she knows what she's doing, because she's explaining to someone else in the room how to cook eggs so they're "not too runny, not too dry" but seriously. Gordon Ramsay would be appalled. {Sidebar: Gordon's eggs actually look a bit too runny for my taste, and my family would refuse to eat them, but this lady's dry crumbly eggs are still an abomination.} She turns around and we see AU Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. Oh, Charlie has a girlfriend! Sweet. And she must be in love, because she tells this girlfriend that they're the best eggs she's ever had. And also, she's still hunting. Guess she didn't retire to a mountaintop after all. Probably because she couldn't get wifi. Anyway. Her girlfriend's plate crashes to the floor because her girlfriend abruptly disappeared. (Aw, her name was Stevie. Stevie and Charlie. How cute is that?)

Time jump. Charlie's apartment building is called Kim Manor. Nice.

As Sam runs the EMF meter (and there's a nice wordless conversation where Sam lets Dean know he didn't find anything), Charlie talks about how they met (thanks to AU Bobby) and how she experienced nothing when Stevie disappeared. No sulphur smell, no cold, nothing. Dean and Sam have another wordless conversation about what they think happened.

Dean and Sam explain that Billie wants to send all the AU people back to their now non-existent worlds. So Stevie was from AU World too? I guess that explains how AU Bobby knew her. Coincidentally, Sam's phone rings, and it's AU Bobby. They have an extremely short conversation in which Sam learns that another AU hunter simply vanished. And there's no explanation on Sam's end, just "yeah, I understand." So have they already talked to AU Bobby about the Billie situation? Or was Sam and Bobby's conversation literally "hey, a hunter vanished into thin air, how weird is that" and "yeah, I understand" with no further discussion? Anyway. Dean says it's open season on anyone from another world (aw, sorry, Winchesters in Brazil), anyone who came back from the dead, and Sam gets a horrified look on his face and says "Eileen." Oh shit!

Meanwhile, out by the Impala, in broad daylight, Jack tells Cas that he feels strange because the plan failed and his destiny was averted. "I was ready to die, and I wanted to - for Sam, for Dean, for the world - I wanted to make things right. And now I don't know why I'm even here." OF COURSE HE LISTED SAM FIRST. Cas tells him he didn't need absolution from anyone, and that they care about him not because of his usefulness, but just because he's him. Somewhere Dean says "um, wait." Jack is scared because he's powerless and can't protect anyone. Cas is too. So, did Jack lose his powers after the earth shattering kaboom? Or earlier, and I just wasn't paying attention?

Nighttime. Dean speeds down the road as Sam texts Eileen. I don't know where Eileen is, but she must be pretty far away from Kim Manor. Sam told her to get out of her house, go somewhere public, and wait by her car. Now, I cover the guest star credits, so I don't know if Shoshanna is in this episode. But even unspoiled, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be there when they arrive. She starts to type a response, as evidenced by the bubbles, but then stops responding. Yep, just as I thought, no one is standing by her car. Sam finds her phone on the ground, cracked as if it were dropped (like, say, by someone who disappeared while holding it) and LOOK AT HER LOCKSCREEN. LOOK AT IT.

Some will say this is just the photo that pops up when Sam texts her but they are WRONG. This is her FREAKING LOCK SCREEN, PEOPLE.

Anyway. He sees the unfinished message she was writing, which says she's by her car. Aw, Sam. Dean tries to talk to him and he says "I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now."

Aw, SAM!

Sam compartmentalizes his grief and jumps into take-care-of-everyone mode. He says they need to gather everyone together, and they need to find a location central to everyone. Well, I mean, there is one place I know of that is literally the central most point in the United States, maybe you could go there? It's supposed to be secure from all things supernatural, too. Dean says that while Sam is going that, he is going to go end what he started. OH, GOOD. I WAS HOPING THEY WOULD SPLIT UP. "We couldn't make Chuck pay, but Billie? She left her blade. Her I can kill." Hey, wouldn't be the first time. Sam agrees, Cas says he'll go with Dean, and we get a brother hug. Once again, Dean does the two things I love when he hugs Sam: 1. he puts his arms on top, as if he were still the taller brother, and b. he looks away and packs up his emotions before he lets Sam see his face after the hug. "Let's go, Cas," he says. "Let's go reap a reaper." Cas turns and follows without saying anything at all to Sam or Jack, but I'm sure that won't be an issue.

Time jump - it's daytime. Sam's on the phone with Donna, who is standing outside her truck (but didn't she used to have a big black SUV?) at that bridge we've seen so many times. She's sending him to "the old Harmon property," which should be just what he's looking for because it has an abandoned silo. I mean, I wouldn't jump immediately to abandoned silo, but maybe there weren't any abandoned warehouses around. She says it's in Hastings, just south of her, and if you think I didn't confirm that the town of Hastings is in fact about 30 minutes south of Stillwater, Minnesota then you just don't know me at all.

Sam is at a gas station and oh, he's driving Eileen's car! That's not heartbreaking at all. I guess she didn't have her keys in her pocket when she disappeared. (Hah, like Sam Winchester needs keys.) Donna and AU Bobby are rounding up everyone they can think of. She asks what the plan is, and Sam bends down creepily to look at Jack in the passenger seat and says "I'm still working on that." I mean, I know they keep telling us Jack lost his powers, but the way Sam looks at him right here certainly suggests Jack is part of the plan, and maybe not in a good way. (Spoiler alert: seriously, why do I even bother.)

Sam comes around to Jack's window and tells him he needs him to drive, because Sam needs to work on archives and spells and stuff. And is that true, or is this just "I don't expect you to live through this part so I want to let you have some time behind the wheel of Eileen's 1970 Plymouth Valiant?" (At least that's what The Husband thinks it is.)

Bunker. Enter Dean and Cas. Dean declares that if Billie isn't in her library, they'll just trash the place to "smoke her out." It's an interesting choice of words.

Foreshadowing Dean as the new Death? (Remember, I'm completely unspoiled. I know nothing.)

Silo. Let's stick to this location for now. Sam and Jack pull up and are greeted by Donna. Jack goes inside to set up the warding, and Donna gives Sam a nice hug.

I want to be there.

She tells him she's sorry about Eileen and gets one of his sad little nods that I love so much. Bobby is already here, and she name-drops Garth and Jody and the girls, saying they're on "high alert." Sam tells her they're not on Billie's list, so they should be safe. And so should Donna. Well, that's good to know. Sam's surprised to see Charlie pull up. She tells him "I just don't want this to happen to anyone else." I don't know what you think you're going to be able to do, Charlie, but okay.

Turns out the silo is actually a Tardis, so I guess maybe it was a good choice. It's huge on the inside, and is also more finished than any silo I've ever been in (which is, okay, one silo, but still.) The interior is already heavily warded. Several people are milling about. {Sidebar: How many hunters were away from the bunker when Michael attacked, and why have none of them returned?} Bobby tells Sam that as soon as the hunters heard he wanted them there, they came running. "Whether you like it or not, you're the big man here." Hey, I wonder if the guy who called him Chief is here. Bobby, being a man after my own heart, is mostly concerned about the bathroom situation. Sam hopes they won't be there long enough for it to be an issue. He has a spell from Rowena (!) that should boost the strength of the wards, but that's all he has. Bobby doesn't look very reassured, and glances in a foreshadowy way at a family with kids. Sam looks around at all of these people he feels responsible for and takes a deep breath and oh, my heart.

Donna and Jack are painting more wards. Jack bends down to look at a plant, and Donna comes up to him and says "I'm no expert on this hoodoo stuff, but best we patch that up, yeah?" and I don't know what the hell she's talking about. What is this plant disturbing? Jack reaches out to touch the plant and it withers away as his hand gets close. Friends, I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign. Jack is too. He stares at his hand, and if he'd been watching a few seasons ago, he would have noticed that plants did the same thing when Amara touched them. Coincidence???

Later we see everyone watch as Sam recites the spell. (Yes, it's hot. Do you even have to ask?) The sigils glow red briefly and then fade, and the music turns ominous and I think this means his boost failed. But I guess not, because Sam says now they wait. But they don't have to wait long, because suddenly one of the children dissolves into smoke. One by one, all of the AU people dissolve like they've been snapped by Thanos. Charlie runs up to Sam and says "Sam, what do we do" just like Maggie did, and just like Maggie she's taken out immediately. Sam watches in horror as AU Bobby smokes out. He turns to Donna, who says "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good," and then Donna is gone! Crap! Jack and Sam are left staring at the empty-except-for-them silo.

One more serving of despair, coming right up.

On to the other side.

Dean enters Billie's library, brandishing the scythe. Cas follows, bearing only a hangdog expression. Dean motions for him to go one direction and Dean goes the other, soon finding Billie. He thinks he's sneaking up behind her, but she says "So, I guess this is the part where I say hello boys. Hello, boys." Oh, I was wrong; Cas has his angel blade. Billie snarks about Dean's bad aim, and he says he wasn't trying to kill her then (which seems like a lie), but he is now, because of what she's doing to his people. Billie slams him against the wall again. She chokes Cas Darth Vader-style from a distance, and then the old fashioned way. "Remember when you stabbed me in the back?" she says. "Because I do." Oh, that's funny, because earlier Sam said she was going to stab them in the back. She should have said "like you stabbed me?"

Dean comes to the rescue by poking her with the blunt end of the scythe rather than the pointy end, so maybe she was right about his bad aim. Then he gets the blade against her throat (but still not the sharp end, just the back) and demands that she stop killing his friends. She says she didn't - it was Chuck. And Dean's wasting time.

I'm considering it time well spent, because it looks so nice.

Billie tells Dean the injury he gave her earlier is something she can't recover from - she's going to die. She pulls away her coat to show him a nasty festering wound, and I wonder why something so physical would kill her, but. Eh. She tells him she doesn't care about his friends or family. "But seeing you here has reminded me of something. There is one thing I'd like. One wish before I go. I'd like to see you dead." She grabs her scythe back, flings the boys around, and slowly stalks toward them. Dean and Cas rush through the door back into the bunker.

Dean is panicky again, trying to figure out what to do next. He's suddenly struck down by chest pain, and I expect to see someone sticking a knife (or a scythe) in his back, but it's actually Billie doing it Darth Vader-style again. Cas drags him away as Billie monologues. "It's you, Dean; it's always been you. Death-defying. Rule-breaking. You are everything I lived to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate." Yeah, we know, Dean's awesome. We get this speech every season.

Cas and Dean end up in the dungeon storeroom. Cas gets Dean's knife out of his pocket and cuts his own hand to paint a sigil on the door. It looks like an angel banishing sigil, but apparently it block's Billie's power. Not permanently, though, because it fades as she pounds on the door. Cas says that since the wound is killing her, they just have to wait her out.

Yeah, and if we can't?

Then we fight.

We'll lose. I just led us into another trap. All because I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry, and because I just needed something to kill, and because that's all I know how to do.

Dean.

It was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now.

Yes you should, Dean, you really really should. Dean is practically drowning in despair, which, you know. Is a good thing. 10/10 would recommend. "She's gonna get through that door," he tells Cas. "And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

"Wait, there is one thing she's afraid of," Cas says. "There's one thing strong enough to stop her." He tells Dean about the deal he made to save Jack in the Empty.

Friends, I'm going to do you a favor. If you haven't seen the episode, and aren't planning to watch the episode, I want you to read this paragraph and then skip down until you see the pretty picture of Dean. And start reading after that picture. Trust me. So, Cas summons the Empty just as Billie breaks down the door. The Empty kills Billie, but she also takes Cas. Dean is saved but Cas is gone.

{Sigh. Can I skip this part? No, I owe it to you.}

Cas explains that the Empty was going to come snatch him away as soon as he experienced a moment of true happiness. But happiness isn't having, happiness is knowing. And Dean is wonderful and "Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love." You just threatened to shoot your little brother for love, for example. Cas is teary eyed and Dean looks confused as hell and I pause the TV and turn to The Husband and we have this conversation:

I don't think I can watch this.

Why, because it's so sappy?

No, because I think they're going to kiss.

What? Why would they kiss? Is there something I'm missing?

Because part of the fandom WANTS them to kiss, and there's this group of fans that are super obnoxious about it, and they harass the actors and the writers and I think now the show thinks EVERYBODY wants them to kiss. Even though the guy who plays Dean* says it would never happen. Because I know he wasn't happy about the way the show ended, and I'm afraid this is why he wasn't happy.

...

I don't think they're gonna kiss.

If they do, I'm done.

*The Husband is not on a first name basis with Jensen.

So, let me point out that The Husband, who watches this show the way a normal human being watches a show (i.e., doesn't interact with the fandom at all), had absolutely NO expectation that they would kiss. Anyway, with some trepidation, I push play again. And Cas is still going. Dean is the most caring, selfless, loving human being on earth (OH GOD MAKE IT STOP) and knowing him has changed Cas.

Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Because it is. I love you.

Don't do this, Cas.

We see a black blob materialize behind Dean, because even though the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned, there it is. And I could argue about whether Cas being happy actually summoned the damn thing but I've already lost the will to live, so instead I'm going to describe to you how I watched in horror, with my finger hovering over the pause button, as Cas reached out to Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. But he just pushed him out of the way. Thank you baby Jesus. Billie breaks the door down as the Empty slurps into the dungeon. It surrounds Cas and Billie and sucks them into its depths. Dean is left alone. Oh, and he has a bloody palm print on his jacket from Cas grabbing his shoulder. I guess someone did watch a little bit of older seasons after all. Hard to tell sometimes.

I mean, at least he looked good, right?

Back at the silo. I've decided it must be mostly underground and isn't a grain silo like I thought. So what kind of silo do Yankees have that's mostly underground? Anyway. Jack and Sam emerge, having failed catastrophically at their mission. Sam is trying to call Dean, who isn't answering. He looks mildly panicky. "Sam?" Jack says, a little shaky. "Was it just them?"

OH CRAP. I didn't even think of that possibility.

"I don't know," Sam says, also shaky. And as we see an empty gas station and playground, it really looks like it wasn't just them at all. Sam and Jack look at each other, alone and terrified. And back in the bunker's dungeon, Dean's phone rings. It's Sam. He doesn't answer.

Despair!

So. You know how sometimes something really good will happen in an episode? And I'll say, no matter how bad this episode is, this 90 seconds makes it worth it? Well, sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes you get a two or three minute scene - a horribly written, badly acted scene - and it's so awful that it ruins an episode. A season. A show. I'm angry that the showrunners pandered to a small, noisy minority of fans to throw something into the show that most fans didn't want and didn't help the story at all. I'm annoyed that, once again, Dean is put up on an embarrassingly overwrought pedestal. I'm kind of amused that they did this in the worst way possible. Cas's love was unrequited (unless they screw that up in the next episode), Misha's acting caused so much secondhand embarrassment that I had a hard time watching again, and from what I see on Tumblr, half of the Destihellers are furious because "Dean is a homophobe." Which is bullshit. Not returning someone's romantic affection isn't homophobia. It's consent. (I know... on this show? Ha ha.)

{Sidebar: If "Destiel" means the characters have mutual feelings for each other, doesn't this mean Destiel is not, in fact, canon? I mean, it was already so badly written that one could argue Cas wasn't proclaiming romantic love, but just a life-changing experience thanks to one human. Discuss.}

But I need to stop thinking about it. I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now.

And this wasn't even the Buckleming episode, friends. There is probably a Buckleming episode left.

I got so distracted by this nonsense that I almost forgot to talk about the Jack situation. So here's how I feel about that. I love Jack as a character. I love him as someone the Winchesters could lose (Basically, someone to stuff in the fridge? Why not.) But I don't want him to be one of them. I don't want Jack's story to be treated as if it were as important as the Winchester's story. Just like I didn't want Cas to have his own plots. I want it always, always to come down to Sam and Dean.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more to say. But for right now, all I'm saying is this: I pledge to stick with this show, to stick with fanworks, no matter how badly they fuck up the landing. But guys, you don't have to try so hard to fuck it up.

Two to go. As always, help me stay unspoiled, including casting info and episode titles.

[aj-anime-blog]

Deca-Dence - Review!

Wooooo Deca-Dence!

Deca-Dence was a summer 2020 anime, and that’s when I originally watched it! I've watched it about a dozen times since, as it landed itself right on my roster of my favorite animes, if not my favorite of all time.

Deca-Dence is an original piece, so no manga source material (whaaat!) and comes from the genius brain of Yuzuru Tachikawa, the director of other fan-favorites like Mob Psycho 100 and Death Parade (a review for Death Parade is in the making!). Original mangas are such a hit-or-miss recently, and I think that this one got the bullseye!

What's our concept?: Set in the future, the world is now plagued by monsters known as Gadolls. In an attempt to keep humans safe from them, mobile fortress Deca-Dence was constructed, where Gears, who live near the top, fight the Gadolls, and Tankers, who live at the bottom, provide support from inside Deca-Dence. Our protag, Natsume, is a Tanker who wants to fight with the Gears, but her prosthetic arm keeps her out of battle. That is until she meets Kaburagi, an older Tanker who seems to know his way around fighting and might have more to him than he lets on.

It's gonna be hard to go through this without spoilers, but I promise that I'll keep it spoiler-free until the section at the bottom!

So overall, what do I think?: 10/10! I've already said it, but Deca-Dence is one of my favorite animes of all time, and it deserves the spot! It has incredible characters, a story that keeps you hooked even through twists and turns, and a pace that manages to cram so much plot into only 12 episodes without feeling overwhelming or rushed! Deca-Dence presents ideas that, at the surface, may seem overused or old, but spins them in such a way that they're completely original. It follows through with character relationships, making them worthwhile and fulfilling.

Let's start with the story this time!: 10/10!! It's going to be really hard to explain the beauty of Deca-Dence's plot without spoiling it, but I'm doing my best! I really do recommend just giving the show a try, though, as it's really worth it! (Don't just drop it after episode 2, like a lot of people did :( That's just judging it wayyy too early!!)

Deca-Dence has a story that's thrilling and new. Everything that happens builds off of itself in a way that's natural and smooth. The elements of the story, no matter how different they may seem, play their part and work together well. The show isn't predictable either - don't go in thinking that you know what's going to become of it. Each twist feels surprising and new without feeling like they're coming out of left field.

I won't say much more in fear of ruining it, but Deca-Dence's story holds up well, and with its strong cast of characters supporting it, it becomes absolutely suburb. I think a lot of people fell into this pit of seeing only the beginning and tossing it aside, but no matter how strange the concepts in it may be, they wind together to form something really unique!

So those characters, huh?: 11/10, I love them so much! I'm a character nerd through and through, and Deca-Dence sends my little character-obsessed heart wild. The protags, Natsume and Kaburagi, are both fascinating, have incredible development, and engage in a character dynamic that is so natural and well-written that I never doubted it.

To be honest, Natsume doesn't have a personality that's anything new. She's young, determined to a fault, naive, and a complete sweetheart. She wants to fight the Gadoll and she'll do anything to achieve that dream. She's not a natural at fighting but her motivation to do so makes her believable and relatable. She's looked down upon because of her prosthetic arm and forced into a job that she doesn't like, but she never gives up on her goals. Even though she's so simple, her interactions and energy make her lovable and a wonderful protagonist.

Kaburagi follows the washed-out warrior trope, as he's an older man assigned to clean-up duty who keeps to himself and never shows too much emotion. While this type of character can sometimes get annoying, the show gives Kaburagi enough time to show his real feelings and explain how he got to his position. This proper development keeps him down-to-Earth and shows him as even more flawed than Natsume. Kaburagi's motivation, which I can't explain for spoiler reasons, is entirely believable and explains perfectly why he decides to put up with Natsume, even though she's his polar opposite.

The relationship between the two characters is balanced and beautiful. It's given the proper time to grow, mature, and ends up being extremely worthwhile. Natsume relies on Kaburagi, as he sees the potential in her and continues to support her in ways no one else ever has, and Kaburagi understands that Natsume is everything that he's trying to rebel against. Their relationship is emotional, runs deep, and leaves you wishing that there was more of them to watch, even after the show has ended.

The villain! The villain. I cannot talk all that much about the villain at the risk of spoiling. He is evil. I really really hated him, and that is a very good thing because it means that he's well-written. His motivation makes sense, his actions make you want to strangle him, his design was really really good! He's not the most interesting thing in the show, as his character is really only there to move the story along, but not every villain needs to be incredibly deep for a show to be good.

Lastly, our supporting characters! While none of them are as wonderful as Natsume or Kaburagi, they're still interesting and hold their own. They play important parts in the show and all of their interactions with the main two feel natural. Their conflicts make sense, their resolutions feel well-earned, and their personalities are all unique! For a 12-episode anime, there's a larger cast of supporting characters than you would think, and nearly all of them are memorable and loveable.

Time to shut up about characters, what about the art?: 9/10, ooooh yes the art! Deca-Dence is gorgeous! It's animated by studio Nut (bwahahhaha), who haven't done that much else in the anime world. Still, for a relatively new studio, it's absolutely amazing! The characters all have unique looks that make them stand out and the fight scenes are to die for. They lose a point on the CG, since it's a little bit less than amazing, but again, for a new studio, it's definitely not the worst I've seen!! (Admittedly, I also don't like CG much at all, so I'm always harsh towards it when it's used).

Deca-Dence switches between two styles that vastly contradict each other, one which is a colorful, happy-go-lucky style, and one that's the more typical anime style. I'll speak more about them in the spoilers section, but they do a wonderful job at maintaining the tone of the show, as to not let it get too dark, and forming a clear divide between the events of the two parts.

Oh goshhh the Gadolls look so cool. I'm so obsessed with cool monsters in anime and woah they look awesome!! They're original, with cool designs that I haven't seen elsewhere. The show could've so easily slapped in some pretty typical-looking dragons or wolves or whatever, but they instead spent time on these epic creatures, and it's so worth it! It makes the setting that much more unique and allows it to stand out from other animes.

Surely there's a flaw in this anime? The pacing, maybe?: 9/10. Yeah, I would argue that the pacing is Deca-Dence's weakest point. Not that the pacing is particularly bad compared to other shows! I still think that, for a 12-episode anime, it does a wonderful job of fitting in a large amount of plot into only about 5 hours! But, at some points, parts felt rushed or confusing, as the show would zoom into them. I never felt like I was truly lost, though. Even if I did wish that there was a break from the action, I never found myself really thinking that the show was leaving me behind in the dust. It's not the kind of show that you can turn on and leave running while you multitask, though. Blink for too long and you might miss something important, which can ruin some of the hard-hitting twists that the anime works so hard to build up.

OK! Time for spoilers! I beg you, go watch the anime before you read past this, because it's totally worth it!!

Woahh episode 2 am I right?? I thought that I clicked into the wrong anime when I began it, it took such a wild turn, and so soon in the anime too. This is what I really mean when I talk about a show not being what it appears to be! Again, I really encourage you to watch it for yourself, but if you're that stubborn on reading this through before you turn it on:

Deca-Dence is not about the heart-wrenching battles between Gears and their desperate attempts to keep humanity alive, because Gears are just avatars for cyborgs! You see, there's a civilization of cyborg people who are living above the Earth, who log in to fight in mobile fortress Deca-Dence as a game. So the Gadolls are genetically grown as prey for the Gears and the entire story surrounding Deca-Dence's battles are scripted. Crazy right!? The best part: the Tankers aren't in on this at all. You heard me: Natsume and her human friends have no idea that Deca-Dence is staged.

From here, Deca-Dence has two distinct parts: we'll call them "Natsume's half" and "Kaburagi's half". Natsume's half refers to the mobile fortress, the Tankers who live unaware of the cyborgs, and the art style that premiered in the first episode. Kaburagi's half is the Solid Quake organization, the Gears who are avatars of the cyborgs, and the goofy, stylized art style with big lines and bright colors.

The twist and the diverging sides of the story set this show up as not your typical sci-fi anime, but as something a little deeper. The stakes are the same, as humanity is in just as much peril as it was before - it becomes abundantly clear that the Gears and cyborgs don't care about them - but the name of the game completely changes as you realize that our so-called "heroes" aren't really all that heroic, and there's a lot more going on.

Kaburagi is, of course, one of these cyborgs, cursed to live among the Tankers because of a mistake he made while playing as a Gear. Now, he's in charge of eliminating "bugs", or mistakes that the system finds. He's upset with his life, frustrated at what he's doing, and contemplating suicide. But when Natsume walks into his life, a little girl that the system considers legally dead, Kaburagi sees a chance to rebel, even the slightest, against the system. He's supposed to kill Natsume, but instead, he takes her under his wing, determined to protect what he's been instructed to eliminate. This development gives their relationship a deeper meaning, even if Natsume doesn't know it.

Deca-Dence does a wonderful job at showing the watchers both sides of the story but keeping Natsume's side in the dark. Even though we see scenes from Kaburagi's side, Natsume knows nothing about them. When Kaburagi leaves after Hugin kills his avatar, Nastume doesn't know where he's gone and has no reason to believe that he hasn't run away. There's no way she could guess that Kaburagi's new form - his weird orange Gear avatar - is the mentor that she once knew. And when Kaburagi, back in his original form, is killed in front of her, she really believes that he is dead. When Natsume finds out about the truth of the Gadolls - that the world she knows is fake - her horror is palpable and realistic, because there's no way she could've known any better.

Kaburagi's world has a goofy style to it, with the cyborgs looking cartoonish rather than realistic. While it might initially seem off-putting, I think that it ends up balancing the tone of the story much better. Consider the hellscape that is the reform facility that Kaburagi visits. Imagine how dark it would've been if it was not in a silly style! By keeping the style cuter rather than realistic, the show doesn't dip too far into dark and gritty, and I really liked it!

It also set up this harsh divide between Kabruagi's half, where things are easygoing, done for pleasure and fun, and not nearly as harsh as Natsume's world (Look at the name of the series! Decadence literally means living in excessive luxury!). Even when the cyborgs are in their Gear forms, which are drawn in Natsume's style, they're still a lot more colorful and vivid, showing that their lives aren't as harsh as that of the Tankers. The art styles reflect the differences between the two halves and give them both distinct tones and personalities!

& finally, let's take an in-depth look at one scene!: I had a really hard time picking what I thought summed up the series in a single scene. In the end, I think that Natsume and Kaburagi's discussion at the end of episode 7 was the best. Here, we see a culmination of a lot of the character development going on. Kaburagi, in this scene, is in a Gears avatar that Natsume doesn't recognize, meeting her for the first time since his normal avatar was killed. Natsume's been working with the Tankers to protect them from Gadolls that infiltrated the fortress, and she's motivated them all to rise up and fix the hole in the fortress themselves.

Kaburagi has encouraged Natsume to be a stronger person, even though she had to be independent and not rely on him any longer. His pessimistic view on the world - that they'll never defeat the Gadolls - has rubbed off on her, but it's only made her more determined to be stronger to stand up to them. In this scene, we see her breaking down as she considers that Kaburagi might be right, and that she'll never kill them all, but that she needs to continue fighting.

Though Kaburagi previously doubted Natsume and her endless determination, he now feels filled with the same motivation. Natsume has convinced him, time and time again, that he can't give up, and so he decides that he's willing to do anything to make sure that she never loses that hope. He wants her dreams to come true, and he knows that she can't accomplish them alone.

This perfectly shows the effects that they have on one another. Natsume is now stronger than she's ever been: independent, able to take down Gadolls on her own, and determined enough to patch up the hole that no one else thought could be fixed. Kaburagi, in stark contrast to his suicidal thoughts from episode two, is now completely devoted to make the world a safe place for Natsume. Their relationship has shaped one another into being the best versions of themselves, and this isn't even the end! They still complete their growth in the last few episodes, but I've rambled about them enough.

We're done!: That's my review of Deca-Dence! I really believe that it's one of the masterpiece animes in recent years, and I wish it got more attention. I'm sure that there's plenty of anime out there like this one - forgotten diamonds in the rough - that I'd love to dig up and fawn over. Tell me if you know any! Or, if you disagree with my review, tell me where you think I'm wrong!

[kohakhearts]

hello I'm here for more ☕ can I hear about your oldest oc(s) vs the newest? I don't have anything in particular in mind just go off bro

send me a ☕️ + a topic and i'll give you my opinion on it!

ahsjdfhj sure! there is Plenty to unpack here and tbh it's more self-reflection than opinon but i guess those are?? kinda the same thing? lol. anyway! lets compare some kids. i'm putting this under a cut bc i got musing so hard it got really long jfkjgk

so my oldest ocs are the lm crew, but the osa cast isn't too far behind them. mai and nerissa are very, very similar characters, though! they both have death motifs which is a little morbid for a 13/14 year old but hey. i was edgy. i can own that. but they're also similar in that they're very magically powerful. they both become some form of "god." and they both become symbols of life and death. both of them, actually, are narratively meant to subvert the trope of dark = bad/evil, because they might feel like they're ~evil~ but they're just teenage girls. and both of them are experiencing grief and trauma. everything that happens to them happens because the world is against them, or at least feels like it is. i think...i don't need to explain why this is an obvious outlet for me at the age i made them. i was pretty fucking repressed and i don't think i even realized the extent of that until i moved away. interestingly, though, they do both have this heavy...death thing. i was really fascinated with death apparently. just call me emily dickinson lmfao (but really - probably a pretty similar situation there! the general Thought is that, you know, she experienced a close loss really young and it gave her a lifelong fixation on death. i don't think that's a bad thing? it seems normal and healthy honestly. losing people is traumatic. personally i've been a regular funeral attendee since i was, like, 5 LOL. i think that's where a lot of these themes in my writing stem from? within one year alone i knew i think 5 people close to me in the sense of like i saw them often (family, neighbours, friends, classmates). only 2 of them were "natural" deaths. but i was 16/17 then; when i was 13/14, i'd just lost my grandfather and some other grandparents, great aunts/uncles. but still been to a whole lot of funerals lmao).

the other thing that mai and nerissa have in common is that they're really...closed off. when things get hard for them, they shut people out. and they both have moments where they start believing that they can either choose to live and let the world fall to ruin, or they can choose to die and save it. in both cases, they don't die (all the way, at least). there's one striking difference here, though, and it's that mai chooses not to die and so lives, whereas nerissa chooses to die and lives against her will. however, they both face the internal conflict of thinking that maybe them dying would be for the best, and, if nothing else, it would absolve them of their guilt surrounding certain deaths (elle for mai, adrienne for nerissa). they both are yearning for someone who's passed on, and they lose touch with reality because of it.

so, with that last point in mind, let's look at eveleen, who i made when i was 18 - so solidly 5 years after mai. she starts out a first year university student who has just tragically lost her parents, whom she was really close to and loved dearly. she's extremely depressed, but she keeps having dreams about this calm, nice garden. and it tempts her. lilith is behind these dreams obviously, and essentially is trying to tempt her into eating the fruit in the garden of eden so she'll be stuck there forever. eventually, eveleen does do that, and lilith possesses her body in order to get revenge. so already there's this commonality between my three protagonists here, which is that they're out of touch with reality, right? but where mai is very cold and closed off and nerissa is very cruel and angry, eveleen is just really sad and empty. i think what all three of them go through in a sense is a desire not to die but to stop living, because life's been not so nice to them. for nerissa and mai, it's a lot about "deserving," whereas for eveleen she's just really tired and feels like she can't keep up anymore. it's kind of weird to me, actually, because as an older teen and adult i've suffered from Chronic Feelings Of Intense Guilt LMAO but i don't know if that was really present when i was younger...and yet it's a feature of characters like mai and nerissa, not eveleen or ava or nisa.

ava and nisa are, like eveleen, really quite quiet and reserved. nisa literally has no voice. she can't speak. her whole arc is learning to be bold and brave and to communicate with her hands and make people listen to her. ava suffers from amnesia, and so she goes from not even having a name to being gifted one by artemis and finding out who ava is, not who she was - and even when she finds the "was," she decides she prefers the is, and wants to stay as ava. eveleen falls into lethargy and gets possessed. first she's used by adam, and then by lilith - but her entire arc is her wanting to reach out to lilith, to save her from herself and give her kindness where adam hurt her so horribly. all three of them have in common that they're really kind, charitable people who've been through some pretty horrific things - and more than anything, they just want to save people from suffering. they can't bear to see it. contrasted to mai and nerissa, who both wind up hurting people because they can't cope with the things that have happened to them and need to learn to be better, essentially...that's actually a pretty huge difference. the greater themes of grief and death and loss and love and family and especially identity are all still there, but it's through a very different lens.

i think this is probably the biggest difference here, and i do think it's something that comes from how i've grown up and how my worldview has changed. i look back on my teenage self pretty sadly these days. i don't think i "lost" anything, per se, but i think i was in a really tough spot for a really long time and my support system was exceptionally bad. it could've been a lot worse, and i'm grateful it wasn't, but that doesn't mean it was good, either. when i was 13/14, though...i was definitely angry at the world. it felt like everyone was against me, and i had one goal that was pushing me through everything. my rage drove me. in my best moments, i thought i wanted to see the day things got better and i was successful because it would prove that i didn't need anybody, and that even if the world was out for me then it didn't work. but i did need people, and i needed them badly. which is, i think, my mai's and nerissa's interpersonal relationships are so focussed on family, and their romances are both really centred on this like...unwavering sense of loyalty to the only person (sans poseidon, in nerissa's case) they feel can possibly understand them. lance and ada both find mai and nerissa at their lowest, in a sense; lance is the one who's saying if you really have to die, then i'm dying with you because i don't want to live in a world without you, while ada sits and listens as nerissa progressively opens up more and more about all the guilt and grief that's been eating at her for so long, that drove her to do the thing she did in the first place.

then...compared to eveleen and lilith, it feels a bit like a 180 in some senses? lilith is motivated by revenge. she wants to hurt adam at least as much as he hurt her, but eveleen is telling her that it won't heal the wound. she shows her kindness instead. and for ava...she's an amnesiac who's been horribly attacked and left for dead, and artemis finds her and gives her a name and takes her in. she's vague and mysterious, and ava wants to know about her. again, it's a subversion - the love interest is the closed off one, and the protagonist is the one who's gently urging her to open up. nisa doesn't have a love interest, but she has a similar sort of dynamic with aisling.

so i think, essentially, it really comes down to the fact that i went from being angry at my circumstances and life in general to really accepting of it. i know it's a real Hot Take, but i am grateful for all the shitty stuff i went through, because now i know, right? i mean - i know, if i have ever a student who's anything like i was, then...i've done everything in my power to immortalize those feelings as i experienced them. i never want to forget what it was like to be an angsty teen, because i never want to be anything but the sort of adult i needed at that age. and especially as i continue to grow away from my childhood, i see more and more that these feelings of guilt i've struggled with so much largely stem from a life of being blamed for the fact that my parents' lives sucked and things like that, and now that i see it, even if i don't always believe it, i have the ability to say "but that wasn't my fault," and so my newer characters might still grapple with guilt, but it's not as significant as "it's my fault my sister/mother/etc. died" LOL.

but in saying all this - there's one really, really big similarity between all of them. all of these characters have things happen to them. they don't like their circumstances. they don't want to be where they are. they suffered, and they didn't ask for it, and the biggest sort of grief they're experiencing is actually a sort of grief for the self, wherein they're thinking of the things they were robbed of by the actions of other people - things that happened when they were children, or things stolen from them by others' premature deaths, or gifts of godhood when they never wanted to be anything but mortal. the only difference here is that mai and nerissa are both "born special" in some way. eveleen, ava, and nisa are, essentially, just normal people. they're not magical. nisa has a bit of a "chosen one" thing going on too, but she doesn't become a god; she just gets used by people like saoirse and aisling because she might lead them to the real god. i think i've spent most of my life feeling in some way "out of control," and that's where this comes from. again, like - i think of my younger self, and i think i really do experience a large sense of mourning for them. i see a kid who was really alone, whose family wasn't much of a family at all, and who ultimately suffered for it. now especially, i look farther back then my preteen and early teen years, and i see a lot of things that just...were far, far out of my control that i felt like i had to fix. i don't really know why my sister and brother had the good sense to keep to themselves and i didn't, but i do think that there's probably a link between me as a youngest child, left by my sole role model and protector around age 8, and suddenly feeling like it was somehow my duty to put our family back together. because, i guess, in some convoluted way, i'd been made to feel like it was my fault in the first place? hard to say. it might a real chicken-egg scenario LMAO. either way, i think that's where a lot of that comes from. it's something that sticks out in a lot of my favourite characters too, this whole "i never wanted to be THIS" or "i didn't ask to be a hero or whatever, i just wanted a family." in a lot of ways, i'd actually say characters like eveleen, ava, and nisa are a lot more hopeless than ones like mai and nerissa. where mai and nerissa start out angry about their circumstances, and have to learn to accept them in order to act now to fix things, eveleen, ava, and nisa start out already having accepted their situations - accepted them as horrific and unchangeable, but then their development winds up being a journey of accepting that, yes, the things that happened to them can't be changed, but they can live beyond those things and they aren't defined by their suffering, and it gives them this ability characters like mai and nerissa don't have, which is to see that same sort of suffering in other people. they help others through trauma more than others help them, in a sense? but it's the act of helping others that really allows them to heal. which...definitely says something about me, i'd say!

anyway! this was fun to think about idk if i really said anything interesting here kldfgjkfl but thanks for the ask owo!!! <3<3<3

[girlmeetsliv3]

Inferno I

Kim Namjoon x reader ; Various other pairings

Warning: The following story contains mentions of violence, drugs, smut, anxiety, manipulation, abuse, and vivid descriptions of abusive acts. The behavior and mindset of the characters in this series will be incredibly yandere and toxic. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~

Word Count: 4k

*Be warned the keep reading link isn't working, I'll try to fix it when I can*

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

The sound of Justin Townes Earl voice bled through the cheap paper-thin walls in the motel's bathroom. It wasn’t the nicest place ever, but it was the only that did reservations in cash and didn’t ask for identification. Convenience always won over comfort. Boxes of hair dye, razors, and wax were scattered across the grimy tiled floor. Your hair was beginning to itch, eyes watering as the door and window were both closed; you sucked it up not wanting to risk it. When at last the bleach had settled you rinsed it off, conditioning it deeply to try and stop it from being totally ruined. Glancing in the mirror, you barely recognized yourself, but that was the entire point wasn’t it? To look so unrecognizable that no one would dare question that you are who you say you are, or that anyone would notice the similarities. A loud banging on the door startled you, instinctively you ran out the bathroom and lunged for the Ruger hidden underneath your bag, pointing it at the door. Cautiously, you approached the door making sure to check through the peephole to see who it could be. “Seriously?!” You let out a frustrated sigh, letting the gun drop to your side and ripping open the door. “What the fuck is your problem, Kun?” The lanky tall man walked quickly into the apartment, a slight bulge under his sweater which let you know he kept his promise. “I wanted to make sure you knew it was me or heard me considering your neighbor is blasting some god-awful music.” He looked around the room with clear disgust evident on his face, before turning back towards you. “Wait did you call me Kun? You know I fucking hate that name.” He sounded like a whiny child, one would never guess he was one of the tops in the game. “Bambam is a stupid name. I can’t believe people take you seriously with that name.” Checking once more to make sure, no one had seen him come in you shut the door.

“They take it more seriously than Kunpimook. Whatever, I’m not here for that. I’m here for this.” He reached under his shirt, pulling out a brown paper bag containing everything that you needed for this plan to work. Grabbing it, you ripped the bag open seeing several documents facing back at you: passport, licenses, school diploma’s, and two identification cards. “Thank you, seriously.” Bambam stared at you with fear and worry evident in his wide eyes. “Y/n…are you absolutely sure you want to do this? This isn’t vandalizing a car or a simple hit job.” You understood his concerns, you also knew that he wasn’t only motivated by what might happen to you. But how it could affect him if you were caught. Kim Namjoon was not a forgiving man. “I know. It may not look like I’ve got this under control, but I do.” He didn’t look assured by your words, but nothing you said would fix that. “Listen, I have to do this. For my family, for me, for him –” Bambam interrupted you with fervor in his voice, “It’s been a year. Nothing that you do will bring him back, okay? Revenge is pointless. It’s like consuming a poison and expecting the other person to die.” His chest was rapidly moving up and down, you feared an anxiety attack might occur, but he quickly regained control over himself. In that moment you recalled when the two of you were kids: Bambam always got panic attacks over the silliest things and you were always there to help him through it. Until you weren’t. “Namjoon killed him, for retaliation. For believing that he had done something wrong, when it all ended up being a mistake. And how did he remedy it? By killing everyone in my family in a tragic accident.” You had long stopped crying over the event, tear ducts completely dried after a year. However, your heart still ached painfully whenever the subject was brought up.

Bambam wasn’t there when it happened. He only found you later through a combination of his intelligence and sheer luck. No one outside your immediate family, knew about the island. It had been the only place you could lay low whilst, the rest of the world – especially Jiong Bul Pa – celebrated your misery. “I know where I end up by the end of this, but as long as I get to bring down Kim Namjoon with me. It’ll all be worth it.” There was an emptiness in your eyes that Bambam had never seen before, gone was the joy and innocence that had always surrounded you. The smile lines around your cheeks quickly ceasing to exist and being replaced by harsh scowls. Bambam placed his hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “Good luck. God knows you’re going to need it if you plan to beat the devil at his own game.” With that he walked out of the motel room leaving you to finish erasing all that was left of the old you. When you had finally managed to scrub down the entire room and gathered all your stuff it dawned on you that the last song had finished. The deep melodic tone of a woman singing now echoing along the hallways. As you closed the door, you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “How fitting.”

The strip club smelt of a strong combination of expensive liquor, drugs, and sex. These days the walls had been torn down in an often-divided side. While some women still worked the poles, the men paraded themselves on the floor. In an effort to make everything more “discrete” or so the owner had said. Jimin didn’t particularly care about one or the other, his entire focus was on the velvet doors observing anxiously who came in and out. He saw the regulars, the infrequent, and the newcomers. There was no way for him to remember all their faces, but one could tell by the way they walked and held themselves. Those who puffed out their chest and had insatiable thirst in their eyes were obviously new, that kind of behavior wasn’t tolerated in Purgatorio; they would likely end up kicked out or beaten to a bloody pulp by the end of the night. Not that it bothered him, those men were always pigs who saw him and those he worked with as nothing but a Kleenex tissue. Jimin had long been desensitized to violence – he had his grandfather to thank for that. Plus, life as a “pleasure worker” as the manager dubbed it required a certain level of apathy towards violence and those on the receiving end of it. If the world was perfect, that none of this would happen. Girls wouldn’t have to fake their age to make ends meet or be exploited by their boyfriends. Boys wouldn’t have to turn to crime to prove their manliness or to survive hostile environments. If the world was perfect, Jimin wouldn’t have a sore ass from sitting on a leather cushion waiting for his father’s murdered to step through the strip club’s doors. ‘Everything in life has a purpose’ is what he had been taught from a young age. ‘God has a greater plan for all us.’ He often wondered if that was just bullshit the old man spat in his ear to make Jimin go along with his plans. Probably.

The clock above him read twelve thirteen am, he wasn’t going to show. Jimin let out an exasperated sigh as he slouched forward onto the bar. He strongly longed for something to relax him, but he long learned the consequences of not being fully present at his job. Letting his body slip off the stool, he headed for the backstage area where his bag was before going out the backdoor to head home. His grandfather had told him, that the kid would be there only for him to not show up. Knowing the old man, his dementia is probably caused him to confuse the dates. It was a rumor that his grandfather had gotten from a ‘trusted source’ at this point, he wasn’t sure if the trusted source was messing with his grandfather; or his grandfather with him. Opening the large metal door and stepping out, Jimin was greeted with the sight of some frats completely doped out. Fuck. By the time, he turned around the door had closed shut alerting the men that he was there. “Well, look here it’s a pretty boy.” Jimin hated frats. Hated how their money led them to believe they were above everyone. Hated how their aggressiveness peaked when doped out. Mostly he hated how they had always picked on him – especially because of how he looked. “Aw come on pretty boy. Look at me.” He turned around in spite of every bone in his being telling him not to. The man was nothing special, but he could easily kill Jimin if he really wanted. When he tried to step around the man, he was blocked. The frats friends found this hilarious apparently as they fell into a roar of laughter.

“Come on pretty boy. How much for a night?” Jimin’s eyes widened in fear. There was a lot he could handle, but he knew what he couldn’t. The frat laughed at the absolute terror in his eyes. Grabbing him by the sides and pushing him against the metal door, “Do I have to pay upfront or can I do it after?” The man behind him kept laughing, encouraging him on with perverse words and phrases. Jimin’s eyes were beginning to water and a part of him long to close his eyes in fear of what was to come. If he had Jimin wouldn’t have seen the bullet pierce through the frat’s head and come out the other side; parts of his brain exiting as well. Jimin was frozen in shock as he saw several goons surround the frat’s friends and beat them all. He had to move. Needed to move. However, his motor functions were still blocked by fear – by instinct. Only when he heard a voice and felt the warm touch of a hand on his chin, was he able to regain control over himself. “Are you alright?” He was everything Jimin had expected and not at the same time. His hair had grown, dark tussles framing his perfectly carved out features. Jeon Jungkook looked like an angel even under the dim lighting of the alleyway, but the man in front of you shared more with the devil than he did god. All the distraught Jimin had felt slipped away the longer he stared at the man in front of him. Remember your purpose. The mask was on and Jimin stepped away from Jungkook, ready to begin the long game that would end in him sacrificing his queen in order to kill the king. “It takes a lot more than that to shake me up, darling.” He gave a soft smile before, glancing down at the corpse on his feet. “Although I do ask that next time you want to play hero. Maybe don’t shoot the villain’s brains out right in front of the hostage.” Jimin stepped over the corpse before walking past Jungkook who stood stoically, clearly not expecting that response.

When Jimin was a few feet away, he heard a small chuckle leave the other man’s lips. “I thought damsels were much more grateful towards their saviors.” He was teasing him. So be it. Jimin turned around, “Such a pity that I ain’t one. Though I’m sure any of the girls inside would die to have you fawn over them.” Jimin took great pleasure in turning back around and walking away, knowing that once he did Jeon Jungkook wouldn’t be able to resist. There was a little hip in his step as he crossed down two blocks, before getting into the car waiting for him. His grandfather calling him the second he did. “Did you sleep with him?” The old man rasped through the phone. “I did one better. Now all that’s left is for him to fall in love with me.”

“What is this monstrosity?!” Your hair dresser, whose name you had come to learn was Mark, exclaimed as he toyed with your hair. “My last hairdresser said she could take me from red to blonde. It’s a miracle I didn’t go from red to bald.” The rehearsed lie slipped from you with ease. Mark’s eyes widened, “You can say that again. Don’t worry I can fix it.” Mark giggled before leaning over to whisper in your ear, “You’ll walk out the prettiest girl here.” His bubbliness was contagious – even if a part of it was an act. You waited for the inevitable questioning that was sure to begin. The salon you had chosen to come to wasn’t random. It was one of the many properties under Jiong Bul Pa management. The higher ups often came here for a fresh cut or a happy ending massage; sometimes both. You had been studying the men from afar your entire life, only needing to weaponize the information now. You had been escorted to the washing station where a facial had been done, as your hair was conditioned. Now back in your seat, it was sure to begin. Mark began to slowly hum to himself as he prepared his tools. “So, what brings a girl like you here?” There it was. Mark’s eyes met yours through the mirror, that gleam in his eyes let you know he was paying a lot more attention than one might assume. “Whatever it is that brings people to the city. Opportunities, fortune, fame, even love.” You shrugged your shoulders, trying to be coy. Mark quirked his eyebrow, “You don’t look like the hopeless romantic type.” You shook your head, “I’m not trust me. I do believe everything happens for a reason though.” He seemed to agree with your statement. The two of you switched topics onto more rudimentary things, common small talk that was probably to get you to put your guard down.

If there was one thing you would agree on, was that Mark was a genius. “I’m speechless.” You said as you stared at your reflection in the mirror, your mind fading towards the last time your hair had been cut that short. You must’ve been six or seven when – “I told you I was good.” Mark snapped you out of your daydream, secretly you were thankful. You couldn’t afford to dwell on the past when it would only hinder your future. Mark was leaning forward, eying down your figure with a smirk on his face. “Where are you staying?” You didn’t like the look in his eyes, but you weren’t exactly in a position where you could refuse. “I’m at Lotte down by Myeongdong.” Mark grimaced, “That pretentious place?! Well whatever, my friends and I are going out for drinks tomorrow at a new club that just opened. Join us.” Mark didn’t seem to be particularly high on the ladder, but you had heard that he was the best hairdresser in town. That had to have some type of merit. “I’d love to.” The two of you shared your details and you left the salon, with a game plan forming inside your head.

“What do you know about Kunpimook Bhuwakul?” Seokjin stopped sipping on his whiskey to glance over the rim at his long-time best friend and boss. “He was born in Thailand, raised here. Professionally known as Bambam. He’s the best when it comes to identities and falsifying documents. Likes to lay on the low, uses technology for his work but you’ll never find a trace of him online.” Seokjin was positive Namjoon already knew all this, but the man often liked to test him. Keep him on his toes. “Why?” If Namjoon needed something like documents, he had people who could do it. They might not be as fool proof as Bambam’s but they could get the job done. “Bo’s daughter wants the wedding to take place in Bali. I can’t send Jungkook over the pacific with his passport without risking him getting arrested or worse.” Namjoon rubbed the area between his brows, muttering about what a pain this was. Seokjin had never understood the need to marry Jungkook off, he was already the selected heir – no one dared question it. If Namjoon was the king, then Jungkook was the brat prince that everyone was forced to bow down to. “I can get some of our men to procure the documents.” Namjoon chuckled, “As if they wouldn’t shoot the plane down the second, they knew he was there.” Seokjin couldn’t disagree. Jungkook wasn’t liked by most of Jiong Bul Pa, but he didn’t need to be: he was feared. That’s the reason no one dared to object or speak badly of him, it’s said that those who did…well dead men and all that.

Namjoon leaned back on the couch, as he glanced at his watch. “When’s my next meeting?” He longed for a hot shower and to fall into bed. The engagement was a pain in the neck and he would have never agreed if securing such an alliance didn’t give him large stake in the most important company in the country. “At ten. You’re heading down to Lotte at Myeongdong and meeting Mr. Il Seung.” Namjoon laughed as he thought of the pathetic man and his big mouth. “Is it all set up?” Seokjin smirked, “Perfectly. There’s no way he’ll make it.” A wicked smile spread through Namjoon’s lips. “Well then, I must be sure to go. You know so that the blame won’t fall on me.” The two men shared a look before Seokjin excused himself from the penthouse, allowing Namjoon to prepare for his meeting. In the elevator ride his phone vibrated in his pocket, scooping it out Seokjin was greeted by a proacative photo and a text. Which caused him to genuinely laugh as he read it.

Unknown: Miss me? I miss you <3

It wouldn’t do him any favors to continue his rendezvous with Bo Lilith. She wasn’t particularly spectacular in bed, nor was she that pretty. Lilith was also Jungkook’s fiancé but that bothered him even less. He would never admit that he slept with her out of spite, when Jungkook had joked about him being too effeminate while drunk. That was below someone of his stature. The elevator finally opened on his floor and Seokjin stepped out, making sure to leave his shoes by the entrance. As soon as the door opened, he was tackled onto the wall and kissed passionately. “T-taehyung s-stop.” The other man didn’t stop his assault, continuing to attack his neck and destroy his clothes until Seokjin couldn’t help but moan. Knowing there was no stopping Taehyung when he got like this, Seokjin went along with it. As the younger picked him up and carried him to bed, not stopping until hours later when both lay in the silk sheets spent.

Taehyung lay cuddled against him hiding his face in the crook of his lover’s neck. Even in the dark Seokjin could still make out the dried blood on his cheek’s and hands; clear evidence of what had happened that night. “Who was it this time?” He whispered softly, knowing it was best not to directly ask what Taehyung had done. Taehyung remained quiet for a while before finally speaking, “A pimp and his whore. They were stealing profit.” Seokjin nodded in understanding, “No one of importance then.” To anyone listening it may sound harsh, but Seokjin had long stopped caring what other’s thought of him. Except for Namjoon and Taehyung. They were the most important people in his life, he would be damned if anything ever occurred to either. Seokjin might go insane or set the world ablaze, maybe both. “I missed you last night…” It was a whimper like one a child might make. It always surprised Seokjin at how distinct his lover could be depending on his mood, when they had first met Taehyung had crushed skulls with his bare hands – only to be putty in Seokjin’s later that day. Seokjin had always lived and breathed to be useful to Namjoon, to make him proud. It felt nice to have Taehyung do that for him, no one else would. “Business ran late. You know I have no control over that.” More like it was impossible to peel Lilith off him and the wrath of Jungkook’s comment only fueled that. Seokjin pressed his lips against Taehyung’s forehead, “Don’t worry. I’m here now.” With that Seokjin turned to the side, attempting to fall asleep. “Seokjin?” He rolled his eyes, “Yes Taehyung?” It was as if the temperature of the room had suddenly dropped, he felt Taehyung’s dark eyes piercing into his back. Goosebumps rose on Seokjin’s skin as he waited for his lover to speak. “Don’t let it happen again.”

"Ma'am I'm afraid this area is reserved, and you can't be here." His voice was entirely mechanical and lacked any warmth. Clearly perfectly suited for his profession as a bartender. You had been sitting bored in your hotel room when, you decided that you desperately needed a drink. You hadn’t had one in god knows how long, and there was no better time than the present. You reached for your clutch situated on the marble countertop, "Oh I apologize. I didn't know." You turned the bar stool, just about to dismount when a voice spoke out. "Yoon don't be rude. I'm sure the lady didn't know any better." No way. It can’t be. The voice of your brother replayed in your head, as you remembered the last conversation you had before his death. “You can’t outrun fate, Y/n.” Kim Namjoon was everything you envisioned him to be, yet your imagination couldn't do him justice. He towered over you. He towered over everything and not just physically. Yoon moved over to the wall adjacent to the two of you stationing himself at an angle where he could see your every move. Yoon would see if you reached for your drink or if you decided to pull a gun from your clutch. You didn't bring it with you this time - you knew better. "May I ask what someone like you is doing alone at a bar? Especially at this hour." Namjoon moved in order to sit down, leaving one barstool in between the two of you as a barrier of sorts. "You just did." Your reply was curt but coy.

Kim Namjoon may like dominant independent women for a fuck, but you needed to do so much more than fuck him. "Touche." The man replied before ordering a shot of whiskey, the bartender rushing over. Not wanting him to become bored, you indulged the small talk. "I was in need of a drink." You played with your fingers and you noticed him staring at you from his peripheral. "Bit dangerous for a woman to be drinking alone in this day and age." Namjoon said as he ordered two drinks, one for him and one for you. “About as dangerous as drinking with a complete stranger.” You twirled your finger around the rim of the glass, while Namjoon downed his. The clink of the glass being set down echoed loudly, you turned to look at him. Cold hooded eyes staring back at you. There was such an intensity in his stare. It was as if he could see right through you and that instinctively terrified you. If Namjoon ever found out what you were planning hell would look like a stroll through the park. "Well, then allow me to rectify the situation. My name is Namjoon, and you are?" Namjoon’s interest was piqued, it had been a while since he’d been this entertained. “Pretty name for a pretty boy.” You couldn't help but laugh at your response. At the sound, the corners of his lips turned slightly upward. "I’d love to know your name." Namjoon stated, looking at your entire body from top to bottom. Instead of replying you chose to take a sip of your drink, taking as long as you could. “Do you like it?” He asked, eyes focused on your lips around the straw. “I’ve had better.”

Namjoon finally leaned back and with a curious look on his face spoke, "What's your name?" It was a simple enough question, but coming from the devil himself you knew that it was a dangerous one. There was a wicked gleam in his eyes and a sharp smirk that showcased the indent on his right cheek. The lighting in the empty bar was low, a few lanterns being turned to the lowest setting possible, causing shadows to dance along with his features whenever he moved. “Come on, I deserve at least that.” Kim Namjoon didn’t deserve your name. He deserved to have the world punish him entirely for all his crimes, but such things should not be said out loud. Frustration was growing on his face and before he decided to move on you quickly replied. “What do I gain from telling you my name?” At your comment, he laughed though it didn’t reach his eyes. “You could gain the world.” As if. “Dolores, but you can call me Lolita.” Now his laughter was genuine. Clearly finding the joke funny, using the establishment's name had been a bit clever on your part to your credit. “Y/n. Kim Y/n."

Now that all the pieces are in place, the game begins.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Well if my evil twin approaches you just tell them "I know your secret" and then sprint away, it will confuse them and you have an advantage in case my evil twin turns out to be a killer. If it's me I give you a secret sign. Maybe singing the lyrics from a musical or something.

Does tumblr has buttons? Can we press multiple things at once? Maybe that's the secret. Just try to press everything and you are now a tumblr worker too. Like a secret cult.

Well hehe. I would still like to see you trying to drive a train for my own amusement.

Get a cute one! There are some pretty cool bottles and they have little marks to show you how much you drank. Oh, and there is this app called plant app where you can water your plant seed with every glass of water you had and it will grow into a pretty flower. I did that and immediately forgot about it so all my flowers are dead

Maybe you should take on the job as local child protector? Get them from trees and have saftey areas. Do you even like kids?

The highest was uhm... on a tree? 10 meters I think. And the getting lost thing did happen but 1 hour and you're out of the forest if you know from where you came. I also grew up near it so I know where to go.

Uhm something like dragon tongue or spiderlegs. The long ones are just laces creative, right? Red bean paste is the best!!! Super unique flavor, not too sweet but also like velvet. It's soo yummy. Especially with mochi or in taiyaki. There was a time where I ate like 12 dorayakis a day and nothing else cause I loved it so much. I was my local asian market's best costumer. What I also really like is Taro! Have you ever tried mochi or dorayakis?

- your mikey

Yeah that sounds ominous enough to work, I would probably also be confused if someone told me they knew my secret. Though I'm not sure if singing or having a codeword would work since I'd already be sprinting away. Maybe if you scream them?

I have no idea, maybe there's a tumblr master computer with buttons? Press all of them and you automatically get promoted (demoted?) to being a tumblr worker. We already have the bratz cult empire to run though, might be a lot of work taking over tumblr too.

Oh so you actually want to see me driving a train? Well how can I deny a request from my Mikey like that? Off I go! (Maybe this is how it actually went down lmao)

I'll have to look for some cute ones, I think I know a place that would sell things like that but it's closed for the jubilee celebrations the next couple of days. I do have this bottle/cup at the moment but I constantly forget it exists.

You killed your virtual flowers 😭😭😭 I'd feel too bad when I eventually killed them. That would ruin my whole day. Can you at least revive them or get new ones?

I'm not sure if I like kids I haven't really interacted with one since I was one and the circumstances were different then. I don't hate them, they can be quite cute at times with their wonderment of the world. One time I was on a train when a woman left her young daughter to go to the dining car and i basically turned into this kids guardian. She was sitting in front and the woman didn't ask me to but I still found myself looking out for this kid in case some weird child snatcher approached. I was ready to throw hands, the lady was gone for like an hour too. Do you like kids?

Omfg 10 metres!?!?!? I would die. Was it fun? You must've been able to see a lot. Unless you were surrounded by a bunch of taller trees. It's good that you can't really get lost though, I keep reading all these true stories about people getting lost on hikes and stuff, it sounds really scary.

Gonna be honest I would not eat something called spider legs, it would freak me out too much cause I would start imaging them as being like hairy and stuff. I actually can't eat KitKats anymore cause of a similar reason to do with an advert. Dragons tongues sound cool though, probably cause I've never seen a dragon.

No I've never tried Mochi or Taiyaki, sounds good though, I'm pretty sure no where around here sells it. Probably have to go to a city or at least somewhere more multicultural to find some. I bet your local Asian market loved you then.

- your Sanzu 💗