#the weird thing is that I've been suspected that i had osdd1 for a while
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#charlie is rambling#brain fuckery update for anyone who cares:#I've been actively working on those emotional and thoughts bleeding with the perspective that they're not flashbacks#but genuine thoughts from alters and it is working a lot better than acting as if they were my thoughts#it's hard to explain#but when someone else is having a panick attack trying to confort myself never worked#because well now I get that it's not me who is experiencing those#but now that I approach them through the angle of parent trying to confort their kid#it works a lot better#the weird thing is that I've been suspected that i had osdd1 for a while#i've talked about it with a few systems#but I was still not working on it actively#because well denial is a strong part of how dissociative disorders works#and i still have to fight against it#i have alters who are fighting against me knowing#and i know it's normal#its a defence mechanism#but it make it hard to actively work through thing with a system point of view#but it's getting better#also the fact that well I dont have amnesia make it hard to trust myself too#even if I know that not having amnesia is what make it osdd in the first place#it's really fucking hard to not feel like I'm making it up you know
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