#the way this country treats mental health services is a travesty

[chibimonkey]

I've started looking around for therapists. I found seven that take Medicaid. One is closed, three aren't accepting new patients, and two have a 6+ month waiting list. One just took my info and was like "I'll see if we have a doctor who meets your needs." The one my mom really wants me to try has a three month waiting list to even get a call to assign me a therapist.

This is going on day ten I've cried every single day and can't get out of bed. I'm stressed out which makes my head hurt worse than when I was in retail, I'm unable to focus and get out of bed.

I need counseling to help apply for disability. I can't do that with no counseling. I can't even start the application without being in therapy. I've been depressed since I was six and unable to function in society for the past four years. It's gotten worse in the past two. I have $500 to my name. I've tried fundraising - didn't get anything. I've tried selling things - no buyers. I haven't been able to work my freelance gig for over a week and a half because of my headaches, and even then I make maybe a dollar a day.

It's ONLY because I'm afraid what will happen to my pets if I kill myself that I'm even trying for this. And I've spent all afternoon crying and feeling hopeless because I can't even get a fucking appointment.

[sharkflip]

I always struggle with what to post on 9/11, because there are SO MANY THINGS, and it’s hard to encompass all my feels with any of the reblogs I see, so I’m just going to make a bullet point list as a way to continue process what happened. I was 19 and just about to start my sophomore year of college, and I’m part of that microgeneration defined by Columbine and 9/11 and the squandered promise of the Clinton ‘90s.

The profound tragedy of all the people whose lives were lost that day, whether in the towers, in the pentagon, or on the plane

The individual bravery and heroism of first responders, maintenance workers, and all those people that day who helped at the cost of their own lives and personal safety

The feeling of national unity in those first few days where so few people actually ended up in the hospital but everyone across the country stood in line to donate blood because what else could we as individuals do to help?

The ongoing tragedy and outrage of the first responders and others whose health was damaged on that day, and how the government has failed to deliver on it promises of care but still uses 9/11 for propaganda 

The horror felt by muslims around the world over a handful of terrorists committing such acts supposedly in the name of Islam

The injustices both small and great done to muslims in “retribution” for the acts of those extremists who perpetuated the attacks, from schoolchildren called names on the playground to violent hate crimes and beyond

The appalling ignorance and xenophobia that led to people who look like muslims (sikhs, indians, brown people, etc) being targets of fear or violence

The willful ignorance and racism that causes americans to vandalize neighborhood mosques but tacitly support the KKK and other domestic terrorist organizations

The absolute travesty of how the Bush administration acted in all ways at all levels starting with sitting paralyzed in that classroom to the war crimes and deceit and utter bullshit, but especially the way that “muslims/middle easterners” became “the enemy” but oh no not the saudis they’re our friends, in the most appallingly blatant acts of corporate and political greed and favoritism, and also the horrifically irresponsible way that the US destroyed Iraq’s infrastructure and society and then allowed young neocon political cronies to try to put it back together, and let’s never forget that offensive “mission accomplished” photoshoot with Bush-the-absentee-air-guardman in a flight uniform on an aircraft carrier because there’s no action too small and petty that he didn’t take

All those people overseas who died, suffered, and have been otherwise affected by the US “involvement” aka invasion of Middle Eastern countries in this weird vengeance/colonialist/corporate

All those people domestically who have similarly suffered, and all those displaced people and refugees from the ripple effects of US “involvement” in the middle east who now the US refuses to help

All the service people who died and have been wounded (physically, mentally, emotionally) fighting a “war” paraded as freeing innocent people from terrorists but was actually something between a disorganized clusterfuck and a cold-hearted land grab

The way that republican administrations use “9/11″ and “support our troops” as political slogans while cutting funding and aid to veterans and their families

The way that reservists and private contractors were utilized to fight the “wars” in a way to save costs on paper -- denying reservists active-duty benefits while calling them up multiple times, and letting billions of dollars of government money vanish into “contract services” line items rather than paying active duty military personnel fair compensation to do the jobs they volunteered for and are trained to do

Brushing under the rug all the ways that the US failed even in its stated goals -- the Taliban is still running Afghanistan, Islamic extremism is alive and well -- but seems to treat it as this mission accomplished freedom bullshit

Just... everything. There’s so much to feel and process about that one day and the 20 years that have followed it. I hope everyone has the support they need on this very, very complicated anniversary, and please feel free to reach out to me if you just need to talk.

[entrance01]

Highlighter and Bronzer: Constant Dualities in Makeup Culture

As written by a makeup user

Makeup is highly polarizing subject to the people who wear it, refuse to wear it, and resign to wear it, and speaking honestly? It can get hard to keep a singular, straight thought about it. Personally speaking at least.

A lot of the topics mentioned were usually written separately, and that’s fine. One person posting how makeup praises European features isn’t wrong! Just like another post saying how makeup fetishizes black features/trying to pass as “racially ambiguous” also isn’t wrong! These two separate camps, among the others I will touch on later, can both exist in the same realm. It’s just our job to see both sides and how either and both affect people.

I know this is far from being the first makeup-critical post nor its last, but throughout my years on this hell site, I have stumbled across numerous articles and thoughts. They are all wonderful and are written with more insight than I could ever, but this compilation is (mostly) for me.

Eurocentric Beauty Standards and Modern Black/Brownface

What do we see when we open Instagram or look up makeup artists on Youtube? Most probably the same cut and crease. The same extensive bronzer. The same cut cheekbones. The same C-shaped highlighted area. And you get the point! But what does it mean? Am I just ragging on the go-to, tried and true looks? Well yes. I hate seeing a lack of creativity, but I want to look deeper into what these artists are choosing to accentuate; what they are choosing to accentuate or hide; what they are choosing to do with their natural skin colour.

One tumblr user (that has since left this site) said, you can’t divorce beauty culture from white supremacy. And they were right. A lot of IG/YT tends still uphold whiteness as a kind of ideal! This perpetuation could be as innocent as contouring tutorials telling viewers to give themselves high cheekbones; a small, straight nose; deeper set eyes; “melon seed” jaws; etc., to an industry-wide problem like Snapchat/IG filters lightening skin tones and companies not providing a ful, broad range of foundations and concealers.

It really wasn’t until, like, what? 2017? where Fenty Beauty made a foundation line with a thorough and broad spectrum that covered almost every skin tone. And that is a travesty! What were you telling these women (and men)? “You should be going lighter than your actual skin shade”? But what’s more insidious than that is actually going out and making skin brightening products for women, especially in countries where colorism is more pronounced –like Central and South America and Asia (especially South and Southeast Asia).

The latter is not just an instance of not a lack of representation (and yes, I acknowledge that we ought to see more darker skinned actors and celebrities and so forth) but is something that can affect the livelihoods of people. Without a doubt, people treat you differently if you look a certain way. It becomes easier to navigate through society! Job prospects open up once you fit these standards, even if they are racist; one non-makeup example is how black women are expected to straighten their hair for jobs, have something like 1A to 2C hair, while other manageable hair styles that are more unique to women with 3A-4C hair (box braids, cornrows, etc.) are seen as inappropriate. But at the same time, non-black people go and appropriate these looks.

As tumblr user estoma6mp (now, luzonbleedingheart) mentioned in their (now deleted) post, what is overlining/plumping their lips and taking the styles of black women other than imitating blackness/modernized blackface? Look at Ariana Grande. The Jenners. These parties “tan” and “bronze” to achieve… I think a certain “racial ambiguity” as well as… just stealing the creative thoughts of African American (and also Latinx) women. It’s…. the coveting and commodification of “ethnic” features and styles for the sake of seeming fashionable and clout while also resting comfortably knowing that you can take off all the bronzer at the end of the day.

The Sexualization of Makeup and Children and the Infantilizing of Grown Women

The names of products and shades are undoubtedly important in creating an image and a connection in the minds of consumers. Like, what does “Killawatt” put in your mind, in my mind, other than something super bright and fluorescent like concert lights? But not all makeup will have simple names like “rose” or “peony” for lipsticks. Those don’t have enough edge. It doesn’t sell sex. But should makeup have to sell sex?

As marisatomay said in her post, makeup companies shouldn’t be naming their products after sexual terms. She goes to list names like “climax” and “super orgasm” and puns like “glow job” that may seem far fetched and almost like a strawman, but no. Those are actual names. Just look at the lip gloss selection from NARS’ site: Orgasm, Super Orgasm, First Time, Strip Tease, Triple X, are just a handful of names. There are so much more I’m not mentioning! I wouldn’t be so opposed to this naming convention if it weren’t for the fact that there are plenty of young girls who are looking to makeup as a form of expression.

Now, whether children and young teenagers should be using makeup is another point of debate. If a child wants to play with makeup and draw flowers on their face and add glitter, that’s fine! It’s all in good fun. But the moment you have girls as young as 7 or 8 becoming makeup artists, contouring, beating their faces, making themselves look like they are in their 20s, that’s where things get concerning. Like, we should let children be children and allow them creativity, but creativity with makeup is hard because the line between having fun and feeling like you need to conform to certain looks/have certain knowledge about making yourself look “beautiful” is getting more and more blurred. It’s already terrible to see elementary school children think that they need to look a certain way, wear makeup a certain way to be seen as pretty, but the makeup industry isn’t just exploiting these young girls’ insecurities. They also exploit the girls themselves. When we see brands posting closeup videos of young girls putting on lip gloss, lips parted, it evokes a certain image.

On the other hand, however, I’ve also seen makeup palettes that are very reminiscent of childhood. Saffron-Sugar wrote on her blog, that a lot of makeup also has an “unpleasantly infantilizing tone,” and I agree! Like, which makeup company hasn’t collaborated with Disney? Mermaid, unicorn, faerie, and even dessert themed products are omnipresent. This by itself isn’t that much of an issue –these are cute aesthetics, and I can get behind some of them—but it really patronizes a lot of adult women. These circumstances emphasize certain connotations with regards to (perhaps feigned) girliness.

While I said makeup can sexualize minors and expose them to unwarranted sexual tension, makeup can also sexualize that same young, innocent image in women. It’s the idea of recapturing girlhood and innocence and purity. It’s sickening because it kinda adds this “barely legal” culture –where men wait for girls to turn 18 as if legality is the only thing that differentiates a girl from a woman. And this is disgusting.

Empowerment and Societal Coercion and the Industry that Doesn’t Care

I’m glad to be living in a time and a world where I can speak my thoughts openly and find ways to be myself, but… I think it’s also this individualism that gives us all an overinflated sense of self. It’s difficult to openly criticize our behavior, our actions, as consumers and as people in a capitalistic society because so many of us do take these as personal attacks. As if we were exempt from reflecting on ourselves and have free reign to perpetuate harmful ideology and phenomena.

So…. It was, like, 2012? 2013? Where we got all these “eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man!!” and “blind them with your highlighter!” comments and posts. The idea, if I recall everything correctly, was that… a lot of girls, a lot of women, were emphasizing that they weren’t wearing makeup for anyone else other than themselves. And I think that is a wonder idea. It’s nice that you can make a hobby out of this, but I also know that there are plenty of others who are less than enthused about makeup.

I don’t hate on the women in the above scenario, totally don’t! But they can’t go around yelling how something (especially makeup) is a choice when to many others it isn’t. Plenty of women feel like they need to wear makeup in order to better navigate through society. As a personal anecdote, I know that I have been treated far better as a person the moment I “glowed up” and tried to coordinate outfits better/put on makeup in a more conventionally attractive manner/adhering to certain beauty standards. I know that in some service jobs such as waiting tables, the number of tips a waiter gets can be determined by her makeup. And let’s not even go into mental health professionals and their patients wearing makeup! It’s unrealistic the amount of time women has to spend on our appearances just to be treated like “normal.”

And the thing is, the makeup industry doesn’t care if you’re either woman! These million-dollar companies, founded on the institutional control of how women look and behave, are getting money from both camps. Advertisement will be sprinkled with buzzwords such as “empowering” and “girl boss” but those are empty words when all they want is to bank on these trends and women’s wants and/or insecurities.

 And here’s the part where I struggle to conclude all my thoughts. Like my previous post about art commissions and business, this is nothing more than a rehash of what people before me have said: I just wanted to compile everything in a more accessible post for myself, rather than scroll through my makeup tag on my main blog. But I guess I need to have some form of closure for anybody who has actually stuck around to get here (and thank you for doing so!).

All of the circumstances mentioned are… quite separate from each other all things considered, but they are all part of a larger, more foreboding culture that makes women feel like they need to look a certain way (even if they think they are being unique and creative). Indeed, makeup is a form of expression and creativity for a lot of women, but to just blindly act without any insight on what you are consuming, what you are doing, and why you are doing it, is honestly irresponsible. Like any other part of culture, a part of media (especially social), we need to see who is benefiting from our actions and who is getting hurt.

[dxmedstudent]

I've got a place to study adult nursing from September, and I'm so excited to do it and know I want to be a nurse. The only thing that is stopping me is the state of the NHS and what that might mean for my future, I'm starting to get nervous that the NHS may not be around for long :( what's your opinion if you don't mind me asking?

Yay, another student nurse! I’m not being sarcastic I’m genuinely really thrilled to see I’ve got a little baby nurse readership :) Congratulations on getting into nursing school, you and your colleagues do an amazing job. I couldn’t do what I do without a team of amazing nurses working alongside us. I don’t mind you asking at all. At this point in time, it’s anyone’s guess what will happen. I don’t think you are wrong for being worried; I’m pretty worried about what will happen to the NHS in the longterm, now more than ever.  In real terms, the government have been putting less mooney into the NHS than they need to, and less than it needs.  We also have a slightly ageing population, but also we are discovering more complex, expensive treatments for illneses. We’ve gotten most of the low-hanging fruit in terms of treatments; new treatments will be expensive for a while until technology evolves to make it cheaper. So there are lots of reasons why healthcare should (and will) cost us more than it did before.In the long run, this gap has meant cuts to services, both NHS and also related services like social care and community services including mental health services, which are in serious danger. Less A+Es are open. Less hospitals in general as some are closed. More pressure on remaining staff and hospitals. We have less and less beds compared to the patients who need them. This means pressure to get them out sooner. Whilst this is often beneficial to patients, there are so many factors to getting people home when they are fit and ready. Each winter the figures suggest that things are getting worse; too many people attending A+Es like my own, which often struggles to cope with the pressure. As things get stressful, more of us end up sick or burned out. More of us leave to protect our sanity. As things are reported as bad, fewer will want to join; why should smart, excited wannabe nurses or doctors want to sign up to that? I can understand why people leave, or don’t want to join. They have every right to protect themselves. The worst thing is that this is a huge personal tragedy; I kknow how deeply being a doc, a nurse, a paramedic etc is ingrained into who we are. Those who leave aren’t quitters and most of them don’t lack vocation or commitment, and I’ll gladly argue with anyone who says otherwise. Thousands of us leaving aren’t just market forces. It isn’t just something that happens. It’s an absolute travesty that we are being driven out of a vocation we dedicated so many years to, but it’s not usually framed as such. No matter how many of us you replace, you can’t erase the burnout and suffering which changed people’s lives. And that’s ignoring the fact that politicians don’t have the money or the time to train the thousands of new doctors and nurses they keep promising out of nowhere. You can’t magic up skilled, highly trained professionals out of thin air. Even when poaching from other countries there is still a limit, as well as many ethical repercussions. And yet they keep promising that they can somehow pull a loaves-and-fishes trick with healthcare staff.You’ll know that they’ve gotten rid of the nursing student bursary and that nursing salaries have effectively gone down with time (due to frankly pathetic less-than-inflation pay rises and pay freezes); I really do fear we will not have anywhere near enough nurses. I’ve worked rotas with too many empty doc slots (who has a full rota? Anyone?) and I know what it’s like to work a severely understaffed shift; I wouldn’t wish it on others, and I count myself really lucky in what I’ve worked with. My seniors and teams have been really good, the nurses absolutely stellar. Rota coordinators understanding. Everyone trying their best.But we need to get more staff and retain more. We need to make working in healthcare less horrific in the longterm, or I fear that we may eventually reach a point where we don’t have enough staff to safely staff hospitals. I fear this more than outright privatisation (which I am very much against). I know how terrible we all feel when we fear we can’t provide safe care; it’s a horrible, scary feeling that I would not wish on anyone. It’s incredibly scary to not be sure you have the staff or equipment to look after people safely; absolutely none of us wish this for our patients, and this should not be happening to any of my colleagues. I don’t think the general public realise this, but when things are going badly, and you’ve been waiting 4 hours to see us in A&E and there are people being treated in the corridors, we feel truly horrible about it. We know you’ve waited too long; we know this isn’t good enough. But sometimes it’s the best we can do to keep everyone alive. What we need is for people to take action, not against us at 4am, but against the politicians who enabled the NHS to get into this state. People write a lot of complaints against hospitals (which is fine) but also, write to your MP. Let them know your local hosopital is struggling and there’s not enough staff or beds etc.I fear things may get worse before they get better; I’m not sure how bad things will have to get before people demand change. But I really hope we don’t go the US route and privatise, playing into corporate interests. I have no doubt that you or I might be paid better. We might even have better hours, and I expect that a private system would expect less goodwill of us. It certainly can’t expect more goodwill than what we’re already giving. But it won’t be in the best interests of our patients, and it won’t be saving us any money as patients ourselves. I’m not here to stick up for large companies, I’m here to advocate for what is best for my patients, especially the poor and the vulnerable. And I can see from around the world that they are most likely to suffer if we privatise our healthcare.  Even when I applied to medicine the first time (has it been ten years? almost...) there were already question marks over the NHS, and we were already hearing lots of worrying things from doctors and nurses.I was worried about what would happen. But I decided to apply and see it from the inside; I had faitt that I would try my best, and that I would deal with things as they came; you never know what you can deal with until you try. I can’t say that the stories and reports in the news are a lie; things can be pretty bad in the NHS. But there is still goodwill and cameraderie and many of the nicest, smartest, kindest colleagues you could hope to meet. I don’t know what will happen to the NHS, or if I’ll stay in the NHS or work as a doctor forever; I can’t promise that at all, even though I’m passionate about the NHS and in my heart I’ll always be a clinician. I don’t know. But I don’t regret taking this path, or helping the people I managed to help, or meeting lots of amazing interesting people along the way. I really, really hope we can make things better, and I really hope I will still be able to cope with being a part of it.But we need excited new people to work with us, and I’d be honoured to work with you.