#the way she and sokka process grief differently and don't seem to quite understand each other about that is so interesting.

[ladyloveandjustice]

It's actually so hilariously hypocritical of Zuko to scoff at Aang when he talks about not taking revenge and not wanting to kill, when he went out of the way to try to save Zhao right after the man nearly succeeded in killing him. And also spared Zhao's life during their little Agni Kai. He repeatedly refused revenge and murder. I hope Aang finds out about it one day and gets his ass.

It honestly almost seems like he became MORE pro murder post-redemption, which is funny, but it's more like he'a pro righteous murder as long as someone else does it. Not him.

Notably he's all "Aang you have to kill my dad" but he didn't actually kill Ozai when he had the opportunity. He's all "it's the Avatar's destiny!" but come on. that was an excuse. He just didn't want to do it. Which is understandable, even though he knows Ozai deserves it, it would still be extremely traumatic for him to kill his father. So he passes it off to Aang. And then berates Aang for not wanting to kill his dad, the exact thing he didn't want to do, like a loser.

And fittingly, only time he seriously tries to murder someone was when he hired Combustion Man to kill Aang in peak desperation and even that was "someone else should do it. I don't have to be there or think about it. I didn't technically kill him someone else did"

(You can also argue that him being so passionate about helping with the righteous murder of people who were agents of the genocide is driven by a sense of guilt too, which is why he's so extra about it. It probably is. On top of that, I think he very much dragged his own mom issues into helping Katara specifically)

So yeah I also hope Aang finds out about his opportunity to kill his dad and roasts him like he deserves. Man who says murder is okay really means "it's okay if you do it".

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

https://www.tumblr.com/goldenfoot/730129219314663424/i-was-considering-recently-how-kataras-necklace thoughts ??

*sighs* Okay, let's do this.

"Katara didn't go into detail about her grief during her bonding moments with the other guys"

1 - The reason Katara brought up her mom during these moments was because she could relate to the pain, say, Aang and Haru were feeling, and wanted to comfort THEM. When you're trying to help someone, you can bring up your experiences, but you don't make it all about you.

2 - Katara first started talking to Zuko about her mom in Ba Sing Se because she felt he was trying to diminish the suffering the war his nation/family started. She literally starts with a "How dare you?" And in the Southern Raiders, she only chose to talk to Zuko about it after a long time of them traveling on a mission specifically to hunt down Kya's killer. Of course it came up and felt like the right moment to discuss it a bit more in depth.

3 - The Southern Raiders was part of Zuko's life-changing field trips with his new friends, with them bonding - it would not make sense to NOT have him bond with them in ways that were different with how they all had bonded with each other before because it'd get boring to watch.

4 - Talking about traumatic events can be VERY difficult. Sokka didn't really discuss his trauma about his mom dying until book 3 - it's not that weird that Katara did the same.

5 - I'd argue that her talk with Haru WAS pretty in depth. It was only focusing more on the bond she had with her mom BEFORE the tragedy, not the tragedy itself.

"Zuko is the only one that 'wore' the necklace as well, symbolizing his in depth understanding of Katara's pain"

Zuko didn't have the necklace in his pocket, but rather on his wrist, because this is a TV series, and the whole point is that we should SEE things that will be significant in the episode.

Zuko had that necklace in the first place because HE STOLE IT. She did not trust him with it, did not allow him to touch, and show frames him getting it as NEGATIVE thing. It could NEVER be a symbol of any kind of trust or friendship (let alone romance) between him and Katara, because it was a way to show HOW ZUKO COULD AND WOULD HURT HER! Him stealing it, taunting her with it is literally another cruel reminder to Katara that even after taking away her mom, the Fire Nation STILL could take away even the little things that gave Katara comfort after all of that - see Zuko trying to capture/kill the boy Katara explicitly called FAMILY.

Even worse, while he did do a good thing by helping Katara confront the man that killed Kya, Zuko did it for all the wrong reasons. He came up with some bullshit theory of how Katara was TOTALLY not mad at him for essentially handing the victory to the Fire Nation and nearly killing Aang in the process, but was in fact "unfairly" shifting blame for her mom's death onto him (like "I lost my mom" wasn't exactly what they were bonding about before he stabbed her in the back).

Sure, by the end he was genuinely thinking of what he thought was justice, but that doesn't change the fact that at start he literally used her trauma to get her forgiveness because he thought he deserved it already (not to mention, having Zuko, the boy who was banished for trying to DEFEND the soldiers of his nation, suddenly be okay with killing one of them because of past horrible actions, like he was not doing the same thing two weeks before, is one of the WORST aspects of an otherwise pretty good episode).

"Zuko is the only one to wear the symbol of Katara's trauma, like she's the only one to touch his scar, showing their connection"

*Dies laughing* My guy, Mai was nuzzling said scar every other episode, which Zuko seemed to like quite a lot. Stop lying.

Also, Katara touched it to try to heal it - after Zuko had just told her he no longer resented it being there as he no longer felt that scar defined him as a person. While Katara's intention was sweet, that kinda shows how, even during a bonding moment, she and Zuko are NOT on the same page.

"Why was Zuko mentioned during the flirty Kataang moment?"

This is what people call a "joke." The show is making fun of the idea of Zuko giving Katara that necklace back and getting a kiss in return because the writers considered the thought that absurd. Hence the sarcastic tone, and hence Katara kissing AANG. The guy that actually gave her the necklace back with good intentions.

(Seriously, IMAGINE using "Sure, the show is actively making fun of the idea of Zuko and Katara bonding because of that necklace, and showing us how she's into Aang, but this is TOTALLY secretly proving how great Zutara is, trust me" as an argument).

[forget-me-nights]

Not to be the person that brings unnecessary angst into the fandom but:

(Re)watching Atla, especially the episode in which Katara faces their mothers murderer, it bothered me a great deal how she dismissed Sokkas pain. Sure she was high on anger and revenge but still. It wasn't fair.

But it got me thinking about Kya's and Sokka's relationship. He is the older child, right? So obviously he should have more memories with her than Katara, right? He should have private moments or inside jokes or sth. That makes is proof of their closer bond due to his age, right? But instead Sokka says this:

He doesn't even remember HER FACE. He doesn't say anything about a bonding moment between the two, as if he only knows he had a mom at some point but not the person herself. And sure trauma CAN do that to one, especially at such a young age, where you barely remember anything anyway.

But Katara remembers her. She remembers her face and her voice and their last moments together. So why is that? Is Katara right and Sokka doesn't care as much about their mother as her ? No. I don't think so.

Let's compare how they both react to her death even in hindsight:

Katara is overcome by grief. She cries for her loss until she cries for revenge. She cries so much until there is nothing but anger left. In between that though, she cares for their tribe, trains herself to become the water bender she was meant to be and cares for the gaang. She uses her grief to fulfill the role her mother has left open.

Sokka on the other hand keeps his cool. (Like some posts already pointed out). Not only that but he also keeps his smiles and his jokes. He doesn't seem to have changed much despite her death. Instead he helps Katara get acquaintanced with the loss of their mother and then with their father. In the end he remains to be the sole protector of their tribe. And then he helps Aang and Katara go to the north pole and so on. Being the (self appointed ) protector of everyone leaves no time to process everything so in the end he doesn't grief Kya. Katara becomes the only mother he knows.

But what if there is more behind that? What if a part of him doesn't WANT to remember her? What if a tiny, treacherous part of him is relieved, that he can't picture a single moment with her?

When he tells Zuko the story he is resigned and sad of course but as soon as Zuko hints about leaving, Sokka jumps back into his " goofy persona", making jokes left and right, ready to spend the night with Suki. It's such a fast change of mood, you could belive, you've accidentally skipped a few scenes. Most people would need a moment to collect themselves after recounting their most traumatic experience. The only thing we go was the line "I thought he'd never leave" though that seems more to be a sign of really wanting to spend time was Suki.

So let's get into their sibling relationship:

In general it's clear they would do anything to protect each other, even if it means getting the short end. Like this comic shows:

Even if they do clash often, with their different approaches to the world and its inhabitants, Sokka is a bit overprotective of and very loyal to her. (Remember when aang accidentally burned her). They love and respect each other very much and their rivalry is merely a typical sibling relationship.

But there is a huge difference between them: Katara is a bender. The only one in their tribe at that. And even though the tribe and Sokka don't really get that, even Sokka himself understands what it means: she will always be the more powerful one. The more important one. The one their tribe needs. It's not like in the fire nation, where benders and non-benders really fight side by side. They might go into war nonetheless but it's clear to Sokka: her abilities have nothing against any weapon he could wield.

Its mentioned a few times but of course most prominently in "Sokkas master", that he feels inferior because of that. Nonetheless he sees himself as the leader and protector.

So we got that Sokka

didn't have time to grief

sees himself of the protector of his loved ones

doesn't take more time than needed to think about his mother

would do anything for Katara, if it meant she was safe

So there is obviously quite the (partially self made) pressure on him, that has a direct connection to their mother's death. Obviously these are pretty common ways to deal with such a loss but I believe there is something more to it.

Noticed how I again and again mention him to be a "protector"?

Well after the loss of a loved one, a lot of people try their best to not let that exact thing happen to their remaining loved ones or anyone else. They make a promise to "never drink so much " or to "never smoke" etc.

So I think it's pretty obvious that Sokka made such a promise. A promise to not let the fire nation harm their tribe again. But what if that promise goes deeper than that? And what if he didn't make that promise to himself?

What if he made a promise to his mother, that he should always do everything in his power to protect Katara? Not only cause she is his sister but because she is the only water bender left here?

And to make it worse: what if he took that promise to heart so much, that he actively believes himself to be less important than her? That she is the prodigal daughter and he is only her babysitter? Her guard ? Her protector? That he is exchangable and worthless in comparison to her?

What if the real reason he doesn't remember his mother is because he barley wants to? Cause remembering her means remembering his promise that he failed again and again, having been mostly lucky they had Aang and then later Toph to actually be the one to save and protect her?