#the trouble with wooing immortals who have seen this shit before

[ibijau]

How to woo a Lan pt2 / On AO3

Jin Ling takes a walk with his dog, reminisces on the past, and gets a brilliant idea

It took Jin Ling the better part of two weeks to remember the idea he had nearly had that night, after he’d accidentally insulted Lan Sizhui. He’d just been so busy that entire time, with more problems arising from that haunting they’d dealt with (Jin Ling had to write to Wei Wuxian, who in turn sent word to the person who had initially reached out to them). Then there had been councils, and bills for a change, and some trouble with a disciple who’d tried to take advantage of his position to harass some girls in town, and just about a billion more things that had kept Jin Ling impossibly busy.

Even that particular afternoon when the idea returned to him, Jin Ling was supposed to be working. He was trying to see if there was any way to reorganise the way Lanling Jin was run so certain people who had profited a little too much from Jin Guangyao’s less savoury decisions would be pushed aside, and that meant gathering a lot of proof of their suspected corruption (bills, mostly. It always came back to bills. Jin Ling was in hell). Jin Ling was trying his best, and he’d been very serious all morning, but by lunch time he had a raging headache and decided he deserved at least a little bit of fun.

The most fun Jin Ling could think of having on a bad day was to spend time with Fairy, so he went to get her. The poor old girl barked happily at him when he came near her pen, and ran around him for a few minutes when he freed her. The man in charge of Lanling Jin’s spiritual dogs wanted to order her to stop and behave, but dared not to so when Jin Ling himself was delighted by his dog’s happiness. So what if Fairy wasn’t always as serious as expected? She was a good girl who had more than proven she knew how to behave when it was really important. Other people might say she was spoiled, but they said the same about Jin Ling anyway, so at least they were well matched.

When Fairy had calmed down, Jin Ling went out into the gardens with her, figuring they could both use the chance to stretch their legs. While walking, he gave her orders in and there, just so he could say he was training her, should anyone bother him. But in all honesty, he just wanted to relax a little and have fun with the one friend he had who didn’t care that he always said the wrong thing.

Although their walk didn’t have any particular aim, Jin Ling soon realised that they seemed to be heading toward the aviary. He hesitated for a moment, fearful Fairy might scare the birds, before deciding it would be excellent training. A good spiritual dog had to know how to ignore distractions… and Jin Ling liked the birds well enough, if only because he’d heard his father used to keep some, back in the days. Jin Zixuan, he’d heard some people whisper when they thought he couldn't hear, had been the sort of person more at ease with animals than people. Nobody would actually say it directly, but Jin Ling strongly suspected that he’d inherited his people’s skill from his father... though at least Jin Zixuan had been universally liked in spite of it, or so he'd been told. Jin Ling wasn't so lucky.

It was nice, in the aviary. A little noisy, sure, and the smell took some getting used to, but it was very quiet and there was rarely anyone there these days. Jin Guangyao hadn’t been very keen on animals, so he had kept only enough birds to show status, and the person in charge of those birds had other tasks to keep them busy, so the aviary was often empty of any humans. It had made it a good hiding place, when Jin Ling had been younger and slightly more temperamental than he currently was.

When Fairy started whining and growling at the birds, Jin Ling ordered her to stay put and continued walking alone among the cages.

He used to hide in that place a lot, back in the days. There were a few good spots, like between those two high cages… Jin Ling remembered getting in that little dark space when he wanted to avoid all adults, and sitting among the birds for a shichen or two until everybody was too worried over his disappearance to think of scolding him anymore. And he wasn’t the only one who had noticed what a good hiding place the aviary was, because one time…

Jin Ling gasped as the memory returned to him.

He’d been… ten, maybe eleven at most. Jin Ling couldn’t remember what trouble he’d caused that time, but Jin Guangyao had been particularly cross because they’d had guests, and Jin Ling had been his usual temperamental self, but in front of a whole bunch of sect leaders. Except Jin Ling hadn’t meant to cause a scene (he rarely did, even then) so he’d been upset at being scolded so harshly when he didn’t understand what the big deal had been… and he’d run away after shouting something awful about hating his uncle.

The aviary had been a good place to hide, as it so often was. Jin Ling had gotten into his nice little dark spot unseen, and prepared himself to wait however long it would take for everyone to calm down about what happened.

After a little while, two people had entered the aviary. Jin Ling hadn’t seen their faces right away, but cold sweat had run down his back when he’d recognised their voices.

“I really don’t think Jin Ling will have run here,” he’d heard Lan Xichen say in a very odd tone, quite different from the usual way he spoke.

“Really?” Nie Huaisang had replied, half laughing. “But I think it’s worth checking anyway, gege.”

Lan Xichen had laughed too. A real laugh, not just something polite.

It had been so odd to hear those two laugh, Jin Ling recalled. Back then, Lan Xichen had barely seemed like a real person to his childish mind. He was the mighty Zewu-Jun, practically an immortal already, aloof and always calm, and he didn’t just laugh like that. As for Nie Huaisang, he was always sad and pitiful, nothing at all like this laughing and teasing young man Jin Ling could hear but not quite see at that point.

Jin Ling had hesitated to leave his hiding spot to check if it really was them, or demons having taken their form… but if it was them he would have been punished, and if it was demons they’d have eaten him, so staying hidden had seemed more prudent.

He’d heard movement then, the rustling of fabric, and Lan Xichen gasping.

“Huaisang, not here,” Lan Xichen had said, trying and failing to sound scolding. “If someone were to come…”

“No one ever does,” Nie Huaisang had retorted. “I know, I used to come hide here when da-ge dragged me to conferences. It’s just us, gege, and I haven’t seen you in so long…”

“We’re meant to look for Jin Ling, A-Sang,” Lan Xichen had complained, sounding almost whiny.

Nie Huaisang had laughed again, and now he was coming into view for Jin Ling.

It might have been better to not see that, Jin Ling had thought at the time.

Because what he’d seen, then, was Nie Huaisang smiling widely, walking backward, pulling Lan Xichen by the collar. And Lan Xichen, who surely could have resisted if he hadn’t liked this, was following willingly, eagerly even, his eyes burning until he suddenly grabbed Nie Huaisang by the waist and he…

And they…

Jin Ling remembered crying out in surprise.

He hadn’t been used to adults kissing, or anyone at all really. His uncles had both taught him to be careful about showing affection, because of his status as sect heir, and they’d both made it clear to him that only married people should kiss.

Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang weren’t married, Jin Ling had known that. He hadn’t always paid enough attention to the lives of grown-ups around him, but Lan Xichen had been in Jinlin Tai all the time, and Jin Ling had heard both Jin Guangyao and Qin Su offer to help their friend find himself a suitable bride. They’d also offered the same to Nie Huaisang, and talked sometimes between them of how it might help lift the permanent gloominess of character that had taken over him since his brother’s death.

“Oh, shit,” he’d heard Nie Huaisang say, and somehow that had been the last drop for Jin Ling who had broken into tears.

It had taken Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang great effort to get him to calm down, and more still to convince him to get out of his hiding spot. But by that point they’d been back to their normal selves, Nie Huaisang a pitiful, panicky mess, Lan Xichen radiating calm to the point it became contagious.

“Jin Ling, will you do me a favour?” Lan Xichen had asked when the little boy had been standing in front of him. “What you saw just now… can you keep it a secret?”

Jin Ling had hesitated, still sniffling a little.

“It’s forbidden to do that,” Jin Ling had said, remembering his weird bastard uncle, the one they’d kicked out some years before. “Only married people can, and two boys won’t marry. Are you going to be punished if I tell on you?”

“Cut-sleeves aren’t allowed in Jinlin Tai?” Nie Huaisang had gasped, going from pitiful to angry until Lan Xichen motioned for him to calm down.

“There was an incident a while ago, that Mo Xuanyu boy,” Lan Xichen had explained to his friend, before looking back at Jin Ling. “But Mo Xuanyu wasn’t punished because he liked boys, it was for being forceful about it. You understand the difference, A-Ling, don’t you?” Jin Ling had nodded, more to please that kind man than out of real understanding. “You are a good boy. To answer your question… no, we wouldn’t be punished, not really. But it would make some people unhappy, and we need more time to prepare for that. You understand, right?”

“Like when I break something and I don’t want to admit it right away, but if I calm down then I can tell jiujiu or shushu?”

Lan Xichen had nodded, smiling so gently that Jin Ling had been a little flustered.

Come to think of it, he’d always been a little weak to that kind smile the reallygood Lan had. So weak that he had promised to keep Lan Xichen’s secret, and had done so for years now, never thinking much about it again, never catching any sign of these two being more than friends. Maybe it had just been a fling between them, and that was why they hadn’t wanted to go public about it.

Considering everything that had happened, Jin Ling hoped for them that it had never been serious.

Still, as he walked among birds and reminisced about that incident, Jin Ling finally remembered that idea he’d very nearly had two weeks before: if he wanted to seduce a Lan, he needed the help of someone who had done it before. This meant either Wei Wuxian, who was awful and unbearable and hadn’t realised Lan Wangji liked him until Jin Guangyao told him while holding him captive, or…

Or Nie Huaisang, who hadn’t seemed to be having any trouble figuring out on his own how to get a Lan to like him, judging by what had happened some years before.

With the beginning of a plan forming at last, Jin Ling returned to Fairy's side to give her all the petting she deserved. If his hunch was the right one, then he'd be even busier than before in the weeks to come, so better give his dog a lot of affection while he could.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Damages 7

A/N: no smut this chapter…will be back soon.

Words: 2,611

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Gabriel’s mind felt like a discombobulated mess when he walked into a bar a few blocks from the hotel. He knew he needed to be at the hotel with Sophia but he needed to get away. As usually he ran…just like he always did. That made Gabriel feel even worse. Sophia didn’t deserve him to snap at her like that. He knew she was only trying to protect him. She didn’t deserve being left alone the way she was.

Sitting down at the bar, Gabriel looked down at his phone hoping to see something from Sophia. Normally she would have text him and asked him to come back home so they could talk. He put his phone away as the bartender walked over.

“What can I get you sir?”

Gabriel looked around at the booze selection around him.

“Give me your strongest whatever you have and double it.”

The bartender blinked a few times looking around the shelf before looking back at Gabriel.

“Do you want to not feel or anything or meet God?”

Gabriel smirked.

“Meeting god sounds lovely. Fucker has been gone way too long.”

The bartender winced nodding.

“Well okay then. Two shots of Everclear it is then. So are you at war with your liver?”

Gabriel’s golden eyes didn’t look up.

“You could say that.”

“So girl trouble or uh….boy trouble?”

Gabriel’s golden eyes rolled up at that comment. He raised an eyebrow.

“Girl trouble.”

The bartender nodded noticing the ring on his finger.

“So I’ll can’t just keep giving you this stuff because if you go out and die it will be on us….if you want to try something that isn’t going to burn your innards out let me know. Should I call your wife?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“No you aren’t calling my wife and I’m not going to die.”

The bartender sighed. He was used to alcoholics like this. This was his typical day.

“Well if you think that you are immortal best of luck to you. Just keep your clothes on white boy. Do you drink like this often?”

“Occasionally.”

Gabriel replied dryly. The bartender looked a little surprised.

“So how are you still alive?”

Gabriel smirked.

“God’s good graces I suppose.”

“Well best of luck to you then. If you need anything let me know. Please don’t fall over dead in here…I don’t want that kind of karma on me.”

The bartender gave up his attempts at trying to figure Gabriel at this point and sauntered off.

Meanwhile…

Sophia sat on the couch flipping through the TV channels periodically glancing down at her phone. She had contemplated texting Gabriel asking him to come home. His running when things got tough was difficult. She needed him and he bailed on her. Would he do the same thing when the baby was born? When the tot would be crying nonstop for hours at 3 am would he be dependable for her or would he bail?

The sound of wings got Sophia’s attention. She looked up to see Balthazar standing in the room.

“Good evening dear. Thought I would step back in.”

Sophia smirked.

“Wow he sure warded all right.”

Balthazar frowned looking around.

“Looks like he warded against other archangels. Simpletons like me can still show up though. It sounds like you and your darling are in a bit of a tiff?”

Sophia nodded.

“You could say that. I didn’t do a damn thing. Gabriel has his panties in a wad like usual.”

Balthazar winced. That was the face of a unhappy woman…a face he truly liked to avoid.

“Well…um…sorry to hear that love. Want to share what happened over a drink?”

Sophia chuckled. This was not how father/daughter relationships seemed to work but with Balthazar this was his normal.

“I can’t drink.”

Balthazar tilted his head to the side.

“Why not? We can do anything we want.”

Sophia smiled.

“I’m pregnant.”

Balthazar’s smile faded quickly. He sat down looking at her before letting his eyes fall to her stomach. Sure enough there was slight curve to her.

“I totally missed that. Is this why Gabriel is angry with you? Do I need to go beat him?”

Sophia laughed holding her hands up.

“No. It’s all good. We aren’t mad about that. He’s actually happy about the baby.”

Balthazar looked relieved.

“Good because I don’t think I could beat him up.”

20 minutes later, Sophia sat in a nice restaurant with Balthazar who was nibbling on french bread. Even though Gabriel had told Sophia to stay in the hotel room she figured going somewhere with Balthazar would be fine. She would be safe with her father who used to a warrior in heaven. If he couldn’t keep her safe there would be a problem. However, Sophia could fuck someone up if push came to shove. She remembered how to fight.

That was another things that sometimes bugged her about Gabriel. She knew he wanted to take care of her and felt it was his duty but she could take care of herself too. Before Gabriel came along she took care of herself for years. With him chivalry was his go to method for attempting to woo her. When that didn’t work he just went to his trickster charm and flirtations.

“So how far are you?”

Balthazar asked casually. Sophia looked up.

“I’m not sure. That was a question I wanted to ask you. When my mother was pregnant with me…were you around?”

Balthazar put his wine glass down with a frown. He didn’t like the idea of this conversation but he knew one say it would happen. Sophia deserved it to happen.

“Not as much as I should have been. We were in the middle of a war of sorts with Lucifer. I checked in when I could. Sophia like I told you before I was in no form that type of angel to be a parent. I did a lot of things wrong. There were things that I should have done differently. I remember when you were born though. You were a perfect baby. I had never seen something more beautiful and I still see that.”

Sophia smiled.

“You should know that I don’t hold anything against you. You did what you thought was best. We’re good.”

Balthazar looked relieved by that.  

“I’m glad to hear it. So are you going to tell me what is going on with you and the archangel?”

Sophia sighed twisting a strand of her hair around her finger.

“We had a sit down with Michael. He tried to get Gabriel to join his side.”

Balthazar’s face went instantly dark.

“Please tell me…”

Sophia shook her head.

“No. He didn’t. Things went all sorts of crazy. Michael had Raphael in this mason jar. I’m not kidding blood and guts just floating around like a fucked up science experiment. To make it even more creepy the fucker was talking to the jar. Long story short…Michael brought Raphael back right in front of us. They both know I’m pregnant. Both of them could sense it. Raphael went on one of his religious tirades and is wanting to kill the baby. Gabriel told both of them that he wouldn’t let them touch me. I think you will be happy about that. You should have heard they way they talked to Gabriel. It was horrible! They have no respect for him and it infatuated me. I lost my crap and called them twat waffles among other things. Gabriel is angry over me not listening to him when he told me to be quiet. I know he was scared for my safety but I couldn’t just sit there and listen to there shit. I don’t even think court ordered therapy could help them.”

Balthazar didn’t blink as he listened. Sophia could clearly see the angel in him as he reached out taking her hand.

“Gabriel’s brother’s have never given him the respect that he deserves. I’ve fought beside Gabriel many times and he’s one of the few angles that I would trust with my life. I’m sure you probably don’t get that vibe. Gabriel was never like his brothers. Yes he’s an archangel when he needs to be but he was always the peaceful of the four. Gabriel was always Lucifer and Raphael’s pet. When I say Raphael I am not talking about the one you met…I’m talking about the old one. The one who actually gave a damn about stuff not related to Michael’s madness. The new Raphael can bite me. I don’t think you were wrong to stand up for him. Shows how strong your bond is. I understand Gabriel was scared out of his mind for your and the little ones safety but him running off to wherever he’s gone isn’t the solution either.”

Meanwhile with Gabriel…

After countless shots of Everclear Gabriel had enough! He was only buzzed not shit faced like he wanted to be and that made him angry. Gabriel wanted to be drunk and not be living in his head at the moment. He wanted to be somewhere else.

“Fuck everyone.”

He thought angrily.  Gabriel was so lost in his own angry thoughts he didn’t even notice Chuck sit down beside him.

“Hello Gabriel…you look stressed.”

Gabriel looked up, his head swimming. What was the weird writer doing in Dubai?

“What are you doing here Chuck?”

Chuck rolled his eyes.

“Just coming to check on some of my dysfunctional children.”

Gabriel frowned making another shot of Everclear appear in front of him. Chuck raised an eye brow.

“I didn’t know you had children. Did your baby mama run off here when she had the kid?”

Gabriel asked with a smirk. Chuck rolled his eyes.

“Gabriel you are so blind at points. What happened to you?”

Gabriel shrugged.

“I am doing just fine and dandy. My life is b-e-a-utiful.”

Chuck shook his head.

“Is that so? You’re sitting here in a bar without your soulmate drinking alcohol that takes paint off the walls. That doesn’t seem so beautiful to me.”

“Dude what is you fucking deal?”

Gabriel asked getting annoyed. Chuck had enough as he snapped his fingers making his true identity be known. The look of shock on Gabriel’s face was most amusing.

“Oh fuck…shit…crap!”

Chuck crossed his arms over his chest.

“Nice assortment son. Gabriel this isn’t you.”

Gabriel looked around with wide eyes making sure no one else was watching him. Everyone else in the bar was carrying on with their lives eagerly talking and not paying the slightest bit attention to the fact that God was in the same room as them.

“Well yeah….maybe not but it is what it is dad.”

Chuck scoffed.

“Son, I understand you are not happy with me.”

Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest.

“What gave you that idea daddy?”

Chuck shook his head, knowing he wasn’t getting anywhere with his youngest son that night.

“I’ve heard you complaining a little louder than necessary. I’ve heard a lot from you Gabriel and I am honestly tired of it. What happened to my good hearted son?”

Gabriel chuckled downing another shot wincing at the burn he was starting to feel.

“He fell from heaven and went splat on the earth.”

Chuck sighed. He would let Gabriel ran about whatever he wanted and wouldn’t intervene. There was a lot that he obviously needed to get off of his chest.

“I never asked you to leave.”

Gabriel turned laughing hard. When the lights began to flicker, Chuck didn’t even blink. This was just another angel tantrum.

“You already LEFT!!! You left all of us and didn’t care that Michael was going to turn out to be some bossy ass monkey who made all of our lives hell! You know what I am out! I’m done. Screw this heavenly bull shit and all this stuff you forced upon me. If you want to do something for me for once in my damned life….tell Michael and Raphael to go fuck themselves and stay the hell way from my wife and child. You know what you stay away too! You’ll just fuck us someway!”

Gabriel stood up before staggering out of the bar leaving Chuck looking after him clearly surprised and saddened by the outburst. His golden eyed son who had a heart of gold was now a broken and cold angel.

Walking into the hotel room angrily Gabriel walked into the bedroom needing to talk to Sophia.

“Sugar I need you!”

When there was no response he went back into the living room seeing a note with Sophia’ neat as a pin writing.

“Gabriel, I went out with Balthazar for dinner. I won’t be gone long. Don’t worry I won’t do anything stupid.

-Sophia.”

Growling, Gabriel set the note a blaze before sitting down on the couch angrily. Was this how Sophia felt when he abandoned her? Probably so.

“Mother fuck I am just like my dad.”

Gabriel said coldly.

20 minutes later the door opened and Sophia walked in followed by Balthazar. Sophia froze seeing Gabriel sitting on the couch.

“Gabe you’re home.”

She said taking her sweater off. Gabriel stood pulling her into a kiss, cramming his tongue in her mouth. Normally she would have jumped wrapping her legs around his waist. This time  Sophia quickly pulled away wincing.

“Ugh Gabriel what have you been drinking? That explains why you smell like a bar.”

He frowned harder. His golden eyes looked on the verge of channeling the apocalypse. Even Balthazar looked a little surprised.

“You look almost smashed.”

Gabriel laughed coldly.

“I have every right to be fucking wasted off of my ass right now but I couldn’t even get to that state. I can’t even count how many shots of Everclear I had and I am only buzzed.”

Balthazar raised an eyebrow before looking to his daughter.

“Well sweetpea I am out. I’ll leave you to it.”

Once Balthazar was gone Sophia turned to Gabriel who had gone to the window and was starring out.

“Do you want to tell me what happened? This isn’t like you Gabe to be out drinking.”  

Sophia walked to her husband putting her hand on the small of his back. Gabriel didn’t turn. His golden eyes just showed fury.

“I have nothing to say.”

Sophia sighed.

“Fine. I’m going to bed.”

She didn’t say anything else as she turned and walked to the bedroom shutting the door. Sophia undressed before getting into bed. It had been a few weeks since she and Gabriel had a spat. It felt almost foreign yet familiar at the same time. Stroking her fingers over his pillow, Sophia sighed. His scent was still in the bed and she longed for Gabriel to be wrapped around her at the moment.  

“Look at us…we are right back to where we were again.”

@greenappleeyes

@djs-lacrimose

@graysonatbest