#the transphobic man in a dress joke is when a person perceived as a man wearing a dress is portrayed as inherently laughably ugly and gross

[latibulater]

im not going to spend too much time after this one post

Treister as this character-figure on the same story level as Jonas Venture. Jonas to Rusty to the twins, Treister to Hunter to Brock. this episode implies a rich history where I'm left thinking that Hunter's insecurities around inner turmoil stemmed from Treister ("Hans Brinker's thumb was stuck in a dike" "Son, whatever depravity you get up to on your own time is between you and your living god") which of course bled down to Brock, who must have tried to block out the fact that his mentor and person he respects most is constantly belittled and degraded as being foolish and girlish ("Wayland Flowers called, he wants his Madame back") because Hunter's entire character, of course, is introduced as a transphobic gag. Hunter can't escape from being a man who wants to be a woman no matter how hard Hunter begs the narrative ("I miss my breasts! Inside of me, there is a woman screaming to be heard."), the very next episode Hunter meets with Treister and is immediately shoved into the role of successor, replacement, and son. Over and over, Treister calls Hunter son, makes regular remarks into homophobic comments, and "Took guts to bust out the nest and go off on your own, son. Took balls to cut off your balls. Even without 'em, you got more true grit man-moxie on tap than any of these "yes" men and bureaucrats been runnin' the place."

Similarly to Rusty, in this regard at least, Hunter was created for a singular purpose and trying to make a new way inevitably results in Hunter right back where he started. Honestly, in the same way I imagine Jonas constantly belittling Rusty over any perceived weakness, I can easily picture a young Hunter being put through hell by superior officer Treister, for the good of god and country and the secret president. And additionally, just like how Rusty says no matter how bad a father Jonas was, he still loved him and misses him and wouldn't be who he is today with Jonas and so he can't imagine ever actually going against his father, Hunter clearly is panicking when he thinks Treister is self-euthanizing.

Even after Hunter lets go of the wheel the first time and Treister yells "What the hell are you doing?! Do not let go of that wheel, boy! There are 2,000 souls on board!", Hunter inevitably lets go AGAIN because he can't bear to hold on while someone he must've cared greatly for climbs into a shuttle-capsule. "Do not kill yourself, you crazy bastard!" "Ain't killin' myself, son." And AGAIN with the BOY. the SON.

And like, Hunter was an open joke for believing in the GCI in the 80s, so why was so many resources, a private office with an escape hatch outside, and a personal hulking assistant given? I can only believe b/c at the time Hunter was still Treister's favorite, still Treister's spy kid and most likely prepped to be his successor, despite the weird results. Then Hunter fucks up with Billy and Phantom Limb and gets sent out of country and is separated from Brock. To me, that reads as Treister getting irritated his "son" is playing dress-up on stake-outs and is getting distracted running around on wild goose chases, and it's time to find Hunter a nice, new assignment away from the only person in the entire OSI to provide back-up and believe in Hunter full-heartedly. Sending Hunter to Guam is Treister's version of sending his unruly "son" to military school, never mind the fact they're all in the military anyways.

Parent belittles non-conforming child, child grows into a bitter angry adult, becomes a parent and slowly has to Detangle and work through their past, even getting dragged back in after believing escape was possible, and now trying to do a tiny bit better by their own children. Not TOO much easier of course, cant get rid of that "walked to school uphill through snow both ways" attitude instilled. i think a main difference is that in the end Hunter was verbally loved by Treister and handed the OSI as a sign of trust, whilst Jonas spent zero screen time ever complimenting or being loving towards Rusty. So this leads to an unequal balance between Hunter and Rusty where Hunter can mind-control and take advantage of Rusty whereas Jonas and Treister were on more even-footing IMO.

Moreso, in "Any Which Way But Zeus", when everyone is passing out and checked out, Hunter is the only one still trying to come up with a reasonable plan but Treister completely interrupts and dismisses the plan out of hand. AND

AND Hunter is the only one given a 'female' code name "Kelly Clarkson", opposed to all other code names "Kenan and Kel" "Matthew Perry" "Orville Redenbacher", EXEPT of course "Topanga Lawrence" (she was an actress). Who was the only other person at the table Treister called a girl/disrespected (from a military masculinity complex)? BROCK. Hunter's protege. Previously, Treister had given a lot of respect to Brock even as a commander to an insubordinate...subordinate. "Still breathing, General Treister, sir.

No thanks to you." "Aw, you're lookin' fine, son." and the following: "Son, I believe your mind has gone AWOL. I shoulda seen this comin'.

Your work's been gettin' sloppy across the board, boy.........Why don't you come back with us so we can find you a nice, new assignment? Maybe somethin' a little easier on the ol' noggin'?"

Then the next interaction they have is Treister realizing Brock not only left the OSI but joined SPHINX with Hunter. That is all to explain why I feel like Treister is directly disrespecting them best he can while avoiding making things personal in front of power players in the villainous community. It's this whole power play exchange that reminds me of a family feud happening in front of company where the father is holding on by the skin of his teeth to not slap his kids.

Moving beyond that, Brock's own issues with masculinity are never brought up by Hunter. He gets the length of his hair mocked by others, is told constantly he's over-compensating, and is emasculated over his role within the Venture family. Never by Hunter, far as I can recall. And personally, I think Hunter nicknaming "boychick" is much softer and more affectionate than "boy" and "son" even because it's a very possessive word.

UMMMM to wrap up this post b/c idrk where I'm going anymore, I feel like Treister was a lot more influential to the background of the show than is obvious upon first viewing because he actually has been around so long and most likely has a very deep complicated relationship with Hunter that appears as Hunter unable to escape expectations of being a good soldier/son which reflects Jonas' relationship with Rusty as Rusty is unable to escape his father's infantilization of Rusty's capability and society's pre-determined expectation of him failing.

GIVE HUNTER A RX FOR ESTRADIOL SEASON 8!!!!!!!!

[maculategiraffe]

did you ever question your gender?

I think I sort of feel the same way about gender as I do about sexual attraction, which is that I can definitely observe other people acting in ways that indicate they are having an experience of it, but to the best of my knowledge I... don't.

like I'm old and society was in a very different place when I was young, and I think my first real introduction to the idea (outside of, like, gross transphobic jokes) was the 1997 movie ma vie en rose, which is about a young amab child who really likes pink and dolls and long hair and makeup and is in love with a boy, and I remember being like "I mean... you can like pink and dolls and long hair and love a boy, and none of that means you're not a boy?? it just means people are weird about boys liking those things? like... this child thinks anyone who feels this way must be a girl, but that's obviously not true. it's just because of cultural and societal oppression"

but then as I learned more and met actual members of the queer community, I realized that there was something else people were talking about that wasn't just "I like pink and nail polish and dresses so I'm a girl" or "I like cars and sports and having short hair so I'm a boy." like they were talking about an experience of feeling they were a boy or a girl or a man or a woman or something else they were working out on their own. not something they liked, but something they were. and that it was important for them to be able to express that, and communicate it, to move comfortably and confidently through the world.

and I just don't think I've ever felt that way. I'm not uncomfortable being perceived as a woman (or if I am then it's because of weird social things like being catcalled), but I don't think I'd be uncomfortable being perceived as a man, either (or if I would then it would be because of weird social things like being expected to be physically stronger), and there's never been any gender presentation I felt particularly drawn towards. I'd honestly rather not be physically perceived at all ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

like... tell you the gender thing that has resonated most with me, was a post on here about good omens talking about how crowley and aziraphale are both portrayed as being essentially non gendered beings (since they aren't human) but that crowley obviously enjoys playing around with gender presentation whereas aziraphale kind of picks a mode and sticks with it. and the post said "aziraphale's basic attitude to his own gender presentation is 'whatever. I don't even go here.'"

so maybe that means I am agender? but it's just never been super important to me. I mean it's important to me that others are able to self determine and make the choices that make them feel joyful and truthful about themselves, and I enjoy seeing what other people do with their gender presentation, but for me personally it's just sort of like "oh yeah. she/her is fine"

[blubbly-pizza]

I watched - Just One Of The Guys - 1985

"People love adapting Shakespeare's Twelfth Night."

I liked this movie! Even if it was primarily because of the lead when she was cross-dressing mainly just making her look butch as hell. I haven't seen 'She's the Man', but Amanda Bynes wasn't very... styled? From the screenshots anyway. Like, no style. Maybe it's just 80's style I like more. Enough about the lead and comparisons though. The movie!

ALSO! OHMYGOD I ALMOST FORGOT. The main character's acting is stilted in such a way that makes it more charming? Like. I feel like a rare instance of the not-best-acting adding to the performance. Anyway.

The overall plot kind of ditches it's premise in favor of just being a rom-com. Terri is going to do shenanigans to get into the local paper. Needs to write a better article, so needs to keep going to a different school until it's written. Then the article just is never brought up until the end?

The character's main and side are great. There are weird nerds that are meant to be the butt of the joke clearly. But no one is actually mean to their face, and they get dates to prom. So they're just, unique cool people. Terri's brother, Buddy, kind of sucks. Dude is 15 and the horniest person I've ever seen. Every inch of this man's bedroom is coated in nude posters and every other thing he says is about how he wants to bang women. Wild. The love interest is cool, he likes good music.

Also it doesn't really do anything transphobic? At least not how I perceived it. Like, Buddy makes a joke about Terri being transexual and getting 'the surgery'. But no one disputes it with any disgust. Terri's reveal of "being a woman the whole time" by showing her tits to the love interest is met with fucking. "Where do you get off having tits?" And an instant before that he was guessing Terri was gay instead, with again, not really any judgement.

For a movie from the 80s? Kind of owns.

[reaperkaneki]

ok here are my Thoughts on gin noto

under cut bc it got long lol

first off, he is very strong representation. as in, i think this might be the platonic ideal of a transmasc character. which has its good points and bad.

sweet-p’s arc was rooted in some obviously transphobic jokes/points/etc but at its core, her arc felt well-intentioned and overall she was definitely portrayed as one of the most sympathetic of the musicians (who are antagonists but certainly not outright villains, which the musician route makes abundantly clear). she also is not, like, described as trans per se, mostly as a crossdresser who loves cute things and wishes she were a cute girl (so like, she’s trans) and honestly her arc is about self-image and body dysmorphia in general (weight and age and outside perception are all major factors). and that’s what sets her apart from gin, gin is very much about Gender Dysphoria And Conforming To Societal Gender Roles first and foremost.

unlike sweet-p’s writing, gin’s doesn’t have any overt flaws to point to, which is why i had to mull it over for a while to figure out what was missing, and i think it’s because it is very much aimed at a cis audience. the narrative itself is perfectly fine, it’s the meta-narrative that bothers me.

when gin confesses that irl, he was assigned female at birth and presents as female in his day-to-day life, and asks the player, does this change anything, there is a right answer and a wrong answer. the wrong answer is to tell him that you don’t care what gender he is, it doesn’t change anything at all; gin perceives this as a half-assed, dismissive response said without thinking and becomes upset and it locks you out of the rest of his character episodes. the correct answer is to tell him that you don’t know, you’re not sure. maybe it does change things between the two of you. gin feels that this is a understandable position to take, like, of course it might be a big deal, it certainly feels like a big deal to him!

and yes, to someone who hasn’t encountered a trans person before, that’s probably a reasonable response. to me, specifically, a fellow transmasc person, i think i sorta laughed at this part because, like, the only thing that would change if a coworker or friend or whatever told me that they were actually stealth trans this whole time (and that’s being generous bc gin is Not Slick lmfao the foreshadowing for him being trans is super obvious to anyone who knows) i’d be like cool! love that for you. etc etc. bc transgenderism is Normal to me.

but the game assumes You Are A Cis Person Who Isn’t Sure How To React To Trans People. the game doesn’t let you be trans. there’s not a nonbinary option, despite having a cyborg for an antagonist and, more egregiously, a canonically nonbinary character in your party. (i’d say pronouns, but that’s not quite the same in japanese.) not that i was expecting that to be possible, but it is a clear separation of gameplay and story that hinders roleplay (in an rpg where your character’s backstory is almost completely undefined)!

this is not to say that gin is poorly written. like i said, he’s like the platonic ideal of representation. he’s easy to clock specifically because his experiences ring true; he’s always, always, always overcompensating and posturing “as a man”, he’s trying to conform to his own personal image of “what men do”, “how guy friendships work”, “what guys are interested in”. when asked why he gets along with women so well, he lies and says it’s because he has an, uh, older sister! so he’s spent a lot of time around women! he dresses trendy, but not too fashionably (because that’s feminine, he’s function over form allegedly), and the cut of his clothes is soooo. well. the silhouette is masculinizing, or at least androgynous, let’s say. he even wishes he were taller.

i’m pretty sure i’ve done most of those things. this is writing that either speaks from experience or understands the prompt and has done the goddamn research.

it is, however, very, VERY cool that he actually turns out to Not Be A Man, at least in the sense he’s always wanted to be. REALLY good nonbinary arc that i wish wasn’t constrained to, like, the last two character episodes. it’s the one interesting ‘twist’, and i love that it explains a lot of things about him! when he talks about working as a woman irl and busting his ass in heels, he sounds proud, even as he admits that presenting female always made him uncomfortable. and lo and behold, his catharsis effect sports a pair of gold heels! if he was just a hypermasculine trans man, that would be super uncomfortable, as if it were some sort of transphobic indicator of his ‘true self’ being feminine. but no, it’s because he’s hiding that aspect of himself. he repressed his masculine tendencies to conform to social norms, and then inadvertently did the same to his feminine side, but both are important. he likes the heels.

i also like that he’s bi and acknowledges that his relationships never worked out bc he hadn’t figured out his shit yet. it do be like that sometimes.

unfortunately, i think he’s also kind of boring? like, besides her wanting to be a cute girl, sweet-p had other stuff going on, she had that boke/tsukkomi routine with stork, she had a genuine love for yume-kawaii (whereas while gin has many interests, a not-insignificant part of those interests is male posturing), she was even a musician! i understand that gin’s blandness is On Purpose because he dislikes rocking the boat (but he hates posers, which was a genuinely interesting reaction from him that didn’t feature as strongly in his arc as i wanted. even kiriko comments on it), but doesn’t change the fact that he ain’t weird enough! can’t even be an only sane man bc he goes along with everyone’s bs lol

anyway gin is cool and well-written as a trans character but missing a bit otherwise. i’d still definitely love to hang out and get beef bowls and boba with him :)

[blushy-plushie-bovid]

Sorry how am I supposed to know that it's just a "fauxcest" kink?

If you showed that post to any of your IRL acquaintances they would think you were a monster. I've met actual pedophiles IRL who hide their predatory nature behind the "hehe! just a joke! or is it?" demure joke bullshit.

You're fetishizing a painful experience that many afab children have had to go through involuntarily, yet you sob and moan when a ftm says they want to look like you do in a dress. This lacks any kind of internal consistency, except "what makes YOU feel good and what doesn't". If you're going to fetishize little sisters being molested then you have no right to bitch at ftms. Lmfao.

Your supposed to know because i have nsfw content on my blog and on my pinned post I detail the more sensitive kinks im into, including faucest. You could also start by not assuming the worst out of every single trans woman you meet for starters.

No they wouldnt, because my friends are aware of different kinks and would understand whats at play, and also know me and again, dont assume the worst from a post clearly involved in a kink. Also so have I, do you know what makes them pedophiles tho? Actually doing shit to kids. Not TWO ADULTS PARTICIPATING IN KINK!!!! I also didnt even say it was a joke, i told you it was a kink, which it is, and you ignored that to keep calling me a pedophile because I pissed you off.

Oh god. You know transfems experience that shit too right? You know thats not ‘afab’ exclusive right? Ive been through that shit. I know what its like. You dont have to fucking tell me. Im not fetishizing shit. Im participating in a kink with other consenting adults. I could go into how many victims (INCLUDING THE ONLY ONES YOU CARE ABOUT: ONES WHO ARE AFAB) use kinks like these to reclaim a sense of control of autonomy over those past events, but I shouldn’t have to. You don’t have to have had trauma to participate in these kinks. they aren’t fucking harming anyone its fun. Between. Adults. Stop trying tie this to some greater issue like it wasnt a relatively small post that you had to go hunting for to find something to get mad about.

Next: “yet you sob and moan when a ftm says they want to look like you do in a dress” heres the post in question your referencing! My contribution to it at least.

“Sob and moan” so youll see i just said my stomach sank, and then mentioned it later on this post where it was a relavent example. Framing me as if im hysterical, overreacting, and emotional, is just basic day one misogyny. I was describing an experience I had with transmisogyny, with very little emotionallity, yet you chose to act like i was going on and on and crying and shaking about it. Which again is just basic misogyny to try and make me out to be unreasonable and emotional. Secondly, he did not say “I wish I looked like you in a dress” (which even that would be bad. If a man who wants to be masculine said to me, a trans woman “I wish i looked like you” that would be shitty still. But thats not my main point) he said he wished he was perceived like a man wearing a dress like he assumed I was. He didn’t just like how I looked he was jealous of the fact that I don’t pass and implied that I look like a man. This is basic fucking transphobia. To say or imply a trans woman looks like a man is shitty. I shouldn’t have to tell you that. If you cant even acknowledge that what he said was wrong, then just call me a fucking slur and move along dont try and pretend your defending anything.

“This lacks any internal consistency, except ‘what makes YOU feel good and what doesn’t”

Shocking news everyone, I am inconsistent as a person because i like ‘problematic’* kinks, and dont like to be told I look like a man. Everyone get mad, the evil trans woman indulges in kinks on her own blog, with warnings in her pinned post and bio, but dislikes facing transmisogyny, how evil and inconsistent is that!

*kinks arent evil or problematic, thought crimes arent real, stop trying to make every trans woman out to be a pedophile because she likes a kink.

‘If your gonna participate in a kink between yourself and other adults who are into it only, that causes no harm, and has nothing to do with real life, then you have no right to talk about the bigotry you face, and should shut up about the misogyny and transmisogyny you’ve experienced from men in your life!’

As a fun little thought experiment let’s address: even if everything else you said was true, how would that in any way make my post or anything I’ve said about transmisogyny untrue? Like, at all? Answer: it wouldn’t! You just hate when trans women hold trans masc folks accountable.

Last thing just because youve pissed me off lets go step by step through your thought process between these asks, shall we?

First you see a post of mine, talking about an experience Ive had with transmisogyny. This makes you mad. How dare I talk about a real life experience of mine and say it made me feel a bit sad after? So you immediately send me an ask, you want a way to invalidate my point (because theres no way to invalidate any of the words i said cuz they where true) so you make the assumption, maybe cuz my blog has cow theming, that i ‘degrade myself’ and say that cuz i do that i should shut the fuck up about when transmascs (or ftms in your words) try to actually degrade and insult me. Then I tell you how fucking stupid that is, how your assumptions are wrong and your point would make no sense even if you had assumed correctly. This makes you more mad at me. How dare I talk back to you and stand up for myself, I should know to accept my place, and let myself be talked down to. So you scrolled my blog a while, looking for something else you villainize me for. Something you can use to make me as a trans woman out to be evil so you can feel good about yourself. (You’ve already forgotten that this is entirely unrelated to your original ask and point). Eventually you find a post about incest, and cnc. Not even explicitly ageplay. You ignore the fact that incest and cnc are incredibly common kinks, and that the post was made by an adult and that i am an adult because now you can bring that post to me and imply I’m a pedophile. You do that immediately because the classic argument “this trans woman is a pedophile because she has the EVIL kinks” is a classic that is totally logically sound. I then tell you why that is dumb as hell. You then, once again pissed that id dare disagree with you and stand up for myself, double down on every single goddamn thing. Sure you didn’t read my bio or pinned post, but that doesn’t matter you had no way of knowing it was a kink post. Sure the original post exclusively only said little sis, nothing about age or anything, but you’ll assume and jump to calling me a pedophile excplicitly anyway. Sure you’ll pretend I had a completely different defense than I did, because you’ve already assumed and assured yourself I am a pedophile, so who cares about the thing I actually said. Sure it has no correlation, but you’ll bring up bioessentialism, ignore thats trans women have similar experiences, and try and pretend that adults participating in kink is somehow the same as real SA and pedophilia. Sure I wasn’t, but then youll pretend that I was once again hysterical and yelling and bitching at transmascs, and not that I reblogged a post by another transfem, with a personal experience that was related, not once including or directing it at any specific transmascs.

I will not be responding to any more asks you send. You hate trans fems and wish we would shut up about the shit we face. You hate trans fems and think we are all secretly evil predators. You are straight up misogynistic, transphobic, and transmisogynistic.

[deathpowerphantomjester5110]

I keep thinking about that post going around that’s like “if you’re fine with 'your dad is gay' jokes but are uncomfortable with someone suggesting that a cis man with long hair buying womens deoderant is actually a trans woman, you need to check your biases”. When I read that, I did indeed check my biases and tried to figure out what made those two assumptions different in my mind, and I think I've found the answer. As sure as I am that plenty of folks who are uncomfortable w/ those jokes ARE transphobes, I don’t think that it’s necessarily 100% a transphobia problem. I’m a trans person, so hear me out.

The issue that I have with those jokes is not that they herald the emergence of a theoretical trans woman; it's that they assign non-gendered characteristics to a particular gender identity and reinforce a binary that was constructed by the hegemony. A "cis man" could just as likely be a proto-trans woman while having traditionally masculine characteristics like short hair, facial hair, or whatever flavor of deodorant is considered masculine these days, but you don't see people making those jokes about those types of men. The gendering of non-gendered characteristics is a topic covered by many feminist and queer theorists like Judith Butler and Monique Wittig; Wittig says in "One is Not Born a Woman" that "what we believe to be a physical and direct perception is only a sophisticated and mythic construction, an "imaginary formation," which reinterprets physical features (in themselves as neutral as any others but marked by the social system) through the network of relationships in which they are perceived" (3). Jokes like these are proof that the reinforcement of this imaginary formation is not reserved for cis/het people, and they undermine our supposed-enlightened view of gender and sexuality.

Questioning another person's validity in their presumed gender identity because of their physical characteristics is something done by the queer community and by cis/het people (e.g., "if you cut your hair short, people will think you're a boy). Jokes like these operate under a veneer of progressivism because it's queer people saying them, and if the queer people are "correct" in their joking, then the queer community has expanded. Because of this, well-meaning people who call attention to the implications behind those jokes expose themselves to being targeted as a bigot or a transphobe.

The "this person is a woman because they have long hair and smell like a woman" argument is a reversed perspective of the way gender performativity operates. Judith Butler says that "gender perfomativity ... is a compulsory repetition or prior and subjectivating norms, one which cannot be thrown off at will, but which work, animate, and constrain the gendered subject, and which are also the resources from which resistance, subversion, displacement are to be forged" ("Critically Queer" 22). This gender performativity applies to both cisgender and transgender people—trans women often have long hair and wear dresses, trans men often have short hair and bind their chests. It's important to acknowledge that Butler isn't saying that performing gender is necessarily a bad thing. With that being said, I'm going to stick to questioning others' gender identity based on what they say about it (e.g., "I'm not trans, every man wishes he was a woman!"), rather than what I see. I really hope that others start doing the same.

[kpyeeper]

After indirectly calling me a high schooler, im a bit enlightened now after that discourse with @wreckham abt the issues circling around The Boxtrolls being transphobic (with the help of a person whose willing to talk to me abt this in a less threatening way). I may be a high schooler (without the k to 12 here in my country im technically a 2nd year college student now), but at least I'm willing to talk about these sorts of things in a calm manner. Look, I actually posted! I even tagged u 🥺

Anyway, the discussion is as follows:

For @wreckham's point, they were specifically calling out that The Boxtrolls is transphobic because there's a villain that's a man being associated with cross dressing as a woman and then the movie makes it look like a complete joke. It's like "haha dude is actually a girl and other dudes thirst for him very funni and very woke and very bad lol." The movie treats it as a thing that is negative and something to be laughed at. See their reblog about this for more context and aggression. When you consider what the movie is displaying to us viewers, then yea; The Boxtrolls clearly shows transphobia in the context of how we perceive it in the real world.

For my point, I was specifically calling out that The Boxtrolls isn't transphobic because the reason for the cross dressing is completely character driven within the movie's narrative. Snatcher specifically cross dresses as a woman to divert the attention of the public and hide the fact that he's done bad shit (by feeding the public false info as a woman). This is further explored in the novel about the movie, wherein Snatcher dresses as a guy but with a different identity, once again feeding the public with false information. When you consider the movie's story, characters, personality, character motivation, then yea; there is little to no transphobia in display within the movie.

TL;DR: None of us are wrong! We're both right at saying that The Boxtrolls is a transphobic movie and that The Boxtrolls isn't a transphobic movie.

The Boxtrolls is transphobic; given that you're looking at the movie from the perspective of how the real world and how real people perceive transphobia

The Boxtrolls isn't transphobic; given that you're looking at the movie from the perspective of the narrative and the character's motivations

I didn't say that you were wrong with your claim @wreckham, it's just that we're looking at transphobia associating The Boxtrolls from different points of view. No need to put words in my mouth :D

And as for the others diving into this discussion too, you should be reminded that The Boxtrolls is both transphobic and non transphobic. Just take note of the different factors that makes these two statements valid 💖

[angelstormx]

ACCESSING FILES...

ADVANCED CASE FILES: STORM

BASICS

BIRTH NAME: Angel Juelz Rodriguez

NICKNAME(S): A, Ange. Stormy.

DATE OF BIRTH: November, 7th (Scorpio).

AGE: 36.

GENDER: Trans Male.

PRONOUNS: He/Him.

NATIONALITY: Spanish American.

HOMETOWN: Madrid, Spain.

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Turnstone, USA. New York, New York.

OCCUPATION: Bartender.

ORIGIN:

Angel was born with his powers, he had them dating back to as long as he could remember. He was born the son of Ramon and Sylvia Rodriguez. Ramon himself had the abilities of Celestial manipulation and Sylvia was a local hairdresser, that practiced Brujeria. They hadn’t expected Angel to become a ‘mutant’ with sorcery powers, because Ramon had hid his gifts from his family and never disclosed with them the information, in turn, he never knew he came from a long line of mutants and Sylvia’s family only were ‘practitioners’ of Brujeria - none of them ever had powers that displayed anything that Angel did at such a young age.

But when his son, former daughter, displayed glowing white eyes and hands that were surrounded by lightning - from throwing a temper tantrum - they soon realized that Adam had powers. When Angel turned 13, he was in the middle of transitioning, when his parents died in a air plane crash, leaving Angel with his progressively ill turning grandmother. Angel was able to get his top surgery and afford a few months of his t shots, but when medical bills, regular bills occurred Angel went to stealing. His grandmother never knew what he did to get the money, she honestly was too sick to even give much thought and research into it. He had become a master thief, using his powers to distract people from strong wind gust, to random lightning strikes, to even having a tornado tease the area. He stole his way back into good standing and got his grandmother back into good health.

Once he turned seventeen, stealing wasn’t enough. Everyone knew his tactics, knew who he was, and expected him. So he started off trying to get a normal job, but no one wanted a streetrat or a riff raff working for them. Needless to say, he had a rougher childhood and knew that, it wasn’t until he was eighteen that a male, his former mentor, came and found him. He thought he was just stealing for a common man, but the man seemed to be twelve steps ahead of him... and in his head. A telepath? In the small Spanish town, Angel thought that he was the only one in the world with supernatural powers, convinced  him that he was more than a thief or street rat.

He convinced Angel to come to the US and start a better life for himself and help those mutants that were hiding, along with learning himself. Within his first year there, he was already smitten with a fellow super and ended up having a baby with said man. They soon decided to get married and live a happy life. He knew that it was fast, but he was a new person there and living a better life. Through many years he has went through hell, disasters, and even a few deaths through him learning how to use and control his powers - deeming them an environmental hazard if he got too out of hand.  Years later and the Advocate comes up and it just something that Angel is interested in. Mentoring future and upcoming heroes and powered beings. Along with partaking in some missions and such, himself.

APPEARANCE

HEIGHT: 5′9.

WEIGHT: 164 lbs.

BUILD: Muscular Slim.

ETHNICITY: Hispanic.

HAIR: Black.

EYES: Brown. Glowing White ( when powers are in use )

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Cocky Smirk.

DISABILITIES: None.

DRESS STYLE: ( summer ) ( spring ) ( fall ) ( winter ) ( sleep )

TATTOOS: None

PIERCINGS: None

PERSONALITY/PSYCHOLOGY

INTROVERT or EXTROVERT: Extrovert with Introvert Tendacies.

INTELLIGENCE LEVEL: He is both book and street smart, having lived on the streets to working with a man that challenged his book intelligence.

MENTAL HEALTH: No Known Issues.

HABITS: Bits his lips when he is nervous or trying to figure something out, Flies up to the sky before he starts using his powers - feels the closer he is to the sky the more control he is in, folds his arms when he is trying to understand something, Scratches the Side of his nose when he is nervous.

MANNERISMS: Very Elegant and Poised.

HEALTH: Amazing Health, he is a regular with check ups and dental visits.

MBTI TYPE: ENFJ

POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES: Loyalty, Compassion, Leadership

NEGATIVE ATTRIBUTES: Emotions, Reservations, Scorning

LIKES: Reading, Various Music, Outdoors, Wind Breezes, Attractive Men, Going on Dates, Teaching, Chili Dogs

DISLIKES: Liars, Abusers, Nature Negligence, Bad Mannered Jokes, Homophobes, Transphobes, Fatphobes, etc., Snakes, Unnecessarily Loud Music

HOBBIES: Reading, Flying, Power Control, Hiking, Adventures.

TALENTS / SKILLS: Master Thief, Expert Combatant, Weapons Mastery, Tactician, Multilingualism, Aviation, Indomitable Will

FAMILY

PARENTS: Ramon Rodriguez (father, deceased), Sylvia Velazquez (mother, deceased).

SIBLINGS: 2 Younger Brothers, 1 Younger Sister.

CHILDREN: 1 Son ( 18 years old ).

MARITAL STATUS: Separated.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): None.

OTHER FAMILY: Uncles here in the US.

PETS: Mini Schnauzer (Titus).

SEXUALITY

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Homosexual.

DATING STATUS: Looking To Date.

DOMINANT / SUBMISSIVE / SWITCH: Switch.

TOP / BOTTOM / VERSATILE: Bottom.

TURN-ONS: Marking, Neck Kissing, Ass Smacking, Biting, Breeding, Softness, Roughness

TURN-OFFS: Toilet Play, Age Play, Daddy Kink

SUPERHEROISM

ALIAS: Storm.

POWERS / SKILLSET:

Atmokinesis aka Weather Manipulation:

Atmokinesis gives Angel the psionic ability to create, generate, and control meteorological tempest. He has influence over various weather phenomena from lighting, hail, rain to rare things such as acid rain, tidal waves, and flash freezes. He has shown feats and put down enemies with tornadoes, as many as he wants in a flash, oxygen control, and snowstorms. He has trained himself to fly with creating wind currents to give him flight capabilities up to many speeds. He has the weather perception vision, which is what is going on when his eyes are glowing white, he can perceive destiny via weather patterns viewed to him as patterns of energy. He has an empathetic link with the Eco system. And has electrolysis which separates elements unto their old forms.]

Sorcery:

Sylvia family practiced Brujeria, for generations, and it is believed that their idol blessed Angel, and his siblings, with the acts of being able to actually perform some of the Brujeria through sorcery. Angel has also humbled himself with this ability, because he knows if he isn’t careful that it could do some major damage. He had disciplined himself with learning various forms of magic from brujeria to voodoo to wicca to chaos to love and madness magics. He has been able to alter reality, create illusion, create voodoo dolls, summon things, scry, and even control people’s motor skills. He mostly uses this power when he absolutely has too, he often uses quick magic attacks, but he doesn’t dive into the more serious powers, unless it is a life or death situation going on.

COLORS: Whitish Silver (Pearl), and Gold.

APPEARANCE:

Storm’s costume is a whitish silver aka pearl colored skintight and full body body suit. There are many different designs and patterns in it, that would be cold colored. The arrows on his forearms would be made of 3D gold. He doesn’t wear a mask or anything that hides his face, because he isn’t ashamed of being a hero or his mutant genes. He has gray and gold gloves, that flow with the color scheme of the body suit, while the gold helps him emit the EM and electricity in his body to come out more. He has gold bracelets around each wrist that connect to his cape, with makes a W shape. The middle of the W being his neck where the cape hooks onto his costume.

Costume 2 - When he is feeling more in tune with his magic side.

WEAKNESSES:

Earth Link: With his empathetic link to the eco system he feels often what the eco system is feeling, somethings he could be classified as ‘bipolar’ because his mood swings with the environment around him and if there is even a single plant dying it would render Angel sick.

MENTOR / PROTEGE: TBA.

LENGTH OF ADVOCATE MEMBERSHIP: About Three Years.

SUPERVILLAIN ARCHNEMESIS: TBA.

[lala-baby]

just to keep track of this

verbal

insulting things she knew I liked or was insecure about as a “joke”, especially my body

constantly insulting my intelligence and saying that she’s never met anyone as stupid as me, including saying that nobody else did things I did (e.g choking on spit occasionally)

speaking to me in a demeaning way (“go be a good little bitch and do X” “you can give me £xx for that since you’re using it” “know your place, bitch”)

Angrily criticizing me for things that weren’t my fault (and in a lot of cases were actually her fault)

telling me she doesn’t want control of me despite her actions completely contradicting that

calling me a nympho if i showed any kind of sexual interest, and occasionally telling other people that i was to try to embarrass me (like veda/stacey)

yelling at me for petty things like if I got water on the worktop after washing up

calling me a man or saying I was manly to me/others, or referring to me as a troll or a hog

saying i was too sensitive if i said i didnt like her shouting at me/calling me names etc and she was just being “brutally honest” because i wouldnt listen to her otherwise

calling me a narcissist

calling me arrogant if i didnt listen/disagreed with her

saying i had selective hearing when i genuinely didnt hear her say something (she may not even have said it and just been fucking with me)

bringing up ancient grievances at every opportunity (e.g when i gently tried to suggest that she might be a hypochondriac because its not normal to constantly want to go to the hospital)

making threats about hitting me if i did something she didnt like

shouting at me for crying if she’d upset me

deliberately saying nonsensical shit to win arguments since it cant be argued with (word salad)

having to win at absolutely everything and generally being adversarial

telling me that i can do things/that she wont stop me but then getting jealous and angry making it too difficult to continue

calling me arrogant and saying i was deliberately ignoring her if i didnt hear her because i was concentrating on something on my phone, usually followed by threatening to smash it

Telling me I was a cunt

Being deliberately transphobic to try and upset me

Saying my haircut made me look like I had downes syndrome

physical

hitting me for fun and then telling me it didn’t hurt and I was a pussy, even if bruises formed afterwards and were pointed out to her (she just continued to deny doing it or laughed at me)

holding me down and forcing medication into my mouth, giving me a panic attack so severe she thought i was having an anaphalactic reaction and called 999

Forcing me to drink herbal cough medicine that tasted vile because she said it was the only one that worked for me, even when I didn't really have a cough

using her security training to restrain me for no good reason other than to demonstrate her strength, while telling me I was weak

not allowing me to, or making it too difficult for me to make my own food choices leading to me putting on a huge amount of weight

controlling my medication/using it as an excuse to gaslight me (“these meds are making you act like a cunt, im taking you to get them changed” if I said no or disagreed with her, dictating when i took them/what dose i took, telling me certain medications wouldnt work for me because they didnt work for her and that the prescriber didnt know what they were talking about)

picking her stank-ass belly button and holding me down and forcing her fingers up my nose (what the fuck)

biting me hard enough to leave marks

controlling when i was allowed to sleep and getting angry and calling me lazy if i was tired, but also often waking me up throughout the night insisting that i was snoring and had to turn over /go sleep on the couch

forcing me to sleep under a duvet even though i sleep badly with them and making a big fuss if i refused

“jokingly” burning me with a lighter (though not inflicting actual burns)

Sitting on me to the point of restricting my airways

Pulling my hair

sexual

holding me down and sucking/biting my neck painfully hard even when I was yelling at her to get off of me and had warned her beforehand not to do that because i hated it and it hurt me (and insisting that it wasn’t hurting me, then mocking me/being angry afterwards)

deliberately giving me love bites against my will in places i couldn’t hide them, especially if i was due to see my family to try to embarrass me

telling me that it was my own fault for not being relaxed enough if I wanted to stop penetration because it was hurting and continuing despite my discomfort; getting angry/frustrated if I continued to say no/still didnt enjoy it to the point where i had to wait until I couldn't take it any more to get her to stop

saying that the reason I couldn’t orgasm from sex with her was because I masturbated too much and “banning” me from it for months at a time, then accusing me of not following orders and lying to her if i still couldnt orgasm

putting me on a “sex ban” if I didn’t do what she wanted in day to day life

saying inappropriate things to others, including my parents, alluding to our sex life

having inappropriate conversations about my body with the elderly man we were caring for in front of me, despite knowing that he had sexually assaulted me in the past

angrily insisting that she knew what she was doing and I didn’t have to tell her if I tried to communicate about how things felt

insisting that she had brought me to orgasm when she hadn’t, and that she knew because she could “taste the difference” and I must just not have felt it because my body didn’t work right, to the point that I believed her and thought there was just something wrong with me

insisting that “all /none of the other girls I’ve been with were like that” to try and guilt me about things I had no control over (genital appearance etc)

financial

making me spend the weekends (friday to monday) with her but complaining that I used all her electric/water/etc. when challenged about how much it was actually costing she said i didn’t know anything about how much things cost because “mummy and daddy had always paid everything for me”, and wouldn’t stop being nasty/aggressive until I gave in

making me buy her food shopping with my savings /using my savings as a free resource to be dipped in to at any time when she had spent her own money

making me buy her things or contribute towards buying things for her flat (hundreds regularly) through guilt /empty promises of repayment/getting me stuff when i moved out

telling me that I only give a shit about money and that I’m obsessed with it if I tried to say no to any financial demands

pressuring me to pay for holidays for us on the understanding that she would provide the spending money, but using her benefits payment instead of saving up for it so I ended up having to give her more money after the holiday so she could still eat/pay bills

not bothering to pay her bills/debts, knowing that it would worry me and that i would end up paying them off for her

buying me presents I didn’t want or need as a way to control me (either through guilt or just buying me things like tracksuits that she knew i didnt want to wear but would feel obligated to because she wanted to control how i dressed), but then getting the money off of me for them to pay for her bills etc as she had run out

becoming angry if I tried to donate anything she had bought for me, including things like children’s toys that she insisted I needed for my “autism”

pressuring me to buy ostentatious gifts (e.g nintendo switch, televisions) for her niece and nephew, usually in the range of hundred of pounds, and then taking credit for it as if she had spent her own money (her justification for this was that she had already spent all of her own money on presents /food /etc for me)

refusing to save/claiming she couldnt save and was “happy as long as she had a fiver in her pocket” because money didnt matter to her, to the point that she had no savings and my family and i had to help her buy furniture etc for her flat

psychological/emotional

being nasty about aspects of my appearance until I gave in and changed it (e.g piercings, hair)

pretending that she had no control over her temper, to the point that she claimed to have “blackouts” of rage where she would come round having seriously injured someone but have no memory of it

telling me it was creepy that I kept my pets ashes and threatening to get rid of them/saying i wasnt bringing them with me when i moved in with her

accusing me off loving my pets more than I loved her, despite causing me to be unable to bond with them properly due to the constant stress I was under

telling other people embarrassing /personal things about me that she found funny, usually in front of me, to try and embarrass me

smugly telling me “I know you better than you know yourself” at every opportunity and generally eroding my sense of self

belittling my likes /interests and replacing them with what she wanted me to like /be interested in - everything from clothes to food to shower gel to music to who I was friends with

trying to convince me to use sperm donated from a fucking facebook page like some kind of insane person

planning to use me to have a child and then send me off to work so she could stay at home on her arse for the rest of her life but framing it as “you can go have a career and ill take care of the baby :)”

accusing me of cheating on her constantly with anyone she perceived as a threat to my obedience (e.g regan, sophie), despite her being the one constantly texting her exes (which i never had a problem with because i trusted her for some goddamn reason)

not allowing me to make friends with anyone she didn’t like and lying to me about them/their motivations to turn me off of them (she claimed to be a good judge of character) - again, regan and sophie

lying constantly in general but making it so that disagreeing with her or calling bullshit would make my life hell and it would get brought up weeks or months down the line

constantly telling me my breath stank (nobody else has ever said that and my dentist literally said my teeth are perfect last time i went), claiming it was because i only drank water and that wouldnt hydrate me (????) and constantly forcing me to drink tea or lucozade (neither of which i would drink given the choice) in large quantities

constantly talking about her work history and forensic history with a sense of pride(assault with intent, gbh, abh, criminal damage, etc etc) and about how badly she’d hurt people in the past, I think to leave me in no doubt as to her capabilities

warping my perception of reality by aggressively denying that things had/hadn’t happened, to the point that I didn’t know what was real and became dependent on her to tell me

using love as a means of control (“you’re meant to love me, I’m your girlfriend” if I tried to assert boundaries/did anything she perceived as insubordinate etc)

bagging up any belongings (except the stuff she wanted to keep for herself) I had at her flat and saying we were over and to come get my shit if I wasn’t obeying her enough

getting suspicious/irritated if I tried to take a bath or use the toilet with the door closed

constantly accusing me of hiding things from her

forcing me to strip naked to allow her to check my body for evidence of self harm

making me use her dirty bath water if I needed one, to “save water” (despite already taking money from me for the water bill)

trying to make me suspicious of the mental health professionals in charge of my care and make them seem untrustworthy or that their opinion was worthless (e.g saying they were wrong about my Dx, therapy won’t work for me, “you don’t have to do every little thing your care coordinator tell you to do it’s just SUGGESTIONS, they’re just trying to control you” etc)

insisting on coming to all my appointments with me so i didnt get to speak to anyone on my own

trying to control my family relationships, e.g making me phone my parents but ensuring that she was there to witness whatever was said, to the point that my family were afraid to voice their concerns about the relationship in case i cut contact with them

constantly posting cringey “romantic” bullshit on Facebook, including buying flowers etc for the sole purpose of showing off what a great girlfriend she was, and becoming angry if I didn’t respond in exactly the right way (not enough kisses etc) for “making her look a cunt ”

getting her niece and nephew to call me auntie lauren and constantly referring to me as her wife from only a few months into the relationship so that i would feel more committed than i was and less able to leave

blaming me and getting angry if the flowers she bought me died too early

getting angry if I didn’t sleep with the multitude of teddies she’d brought me/have them on display at all times and angrily demanding to know why she had wasted her money

constantly telling me that I was doing the things she had to me to do like an idiot, e. g hanging up washing, and taking it down and redoing it in a way that was not discernibly different

always threatening to break up with me if I didn’t toe the line, saying there was no point in us being together and that she didnt need me and wouldnt miss me, and that shed finally have less stress and a tidy flat

saying i was hard work and belittling my intelligence if i asked her how she wanted me to do one of the really specific chores she would make me do

badly neglecting her fish by not performing water changes or removing dead fish to the point that they would literally all die before going out and getting a load more, but not letting me care for them instead despite me pleading her and buying things to make it easier for her to do (e.g an expensive water testing kit that would have lasted her years); getting angry at me if i went behind her back to try to care for them by waking up early to do a water change etc and accusing me of being a smartarse for thinking i knew more about fish than she did when i literally studied animal management at college and actually did know more than her

using me like a slave to clean up her flat/do her washing up/take her mountains of rubbish out by angrily telling me that I had made the mess the previous weekend so she had left it waiting for me (this eventually lead to her having nearly 30 bags of months old rain soaked waste on her balcony one winter that she made me take down myself because “the rubbish is YOUR job and it’s your rubbish too, Ive only ever asked you to do one thing for me and you’re so lazy you won’t even do that blah blah blah”)

telling me to do important things “later” in a way that was framed as her being nice but was actually just more convenient for her /she knew would result in the thing not getting done because she didnt want me doing it

repeatedly breaking my toilet in Nelson House by insisting on flushing her tampons down sand saying that thats what you’re supposed to do, to the point that the toilet was eventually removed, then telling everyone I broke it by having a big shit. as sharing toilets was a mental health difficulty for me I had to suffer for months before being able to move rooms because of this

washing one of my outfits in with her own washing, acting all nice and then later saying that because she had done that for me I had to do a mountain of housework for her

making me go to a&e with her constantly (multiple times a week sometimes) and getting very angry at me if I tried to point out that she didn’t need to go; expecting me to go along with whatever lies she told people about what happened (e.g saying her blood pressure was extremely high and dangerous when it had come back completely normal)

forcing me to spend the weekends at her flat whether I wanted to or not, to the extent that my housing benefit and tenancy at nelson house was put at risk

alternately praising and demeaning my support worker depending on what she had advised me about our relationship (she was leas friend/flying monkey and would switch between saying lea was abusing me and that she was good for me)

making false accusations to the police and sanctuary about me “watching videos of babies being raped” on the darkweb in an attempt to get me to kill myself because i was starting to break away from her control

breaking up with me because i sent someone she didnt like a text after being banned from talking to her all weekend

banning me from talking to people and constantly checking to see if i was or not

taking an “overdose” (it was 25mg of diazepam lol) to try and get me to go crawling back to her

saying that I snored and forcing me to use all kinds of expensive and extremely uncomfortable anti snoring medication /devices, and then usually waking me up in the middle of the night and kicking me out anyway (but getting offended if i suggested sleeping separately from the start)

acting indifferent to my presence and alternating between saying she loved me and that she didn’t need me and wouldn’t miss me if i was gone

forcing me to disclose traumatic things even if I said i wasn’t comfortable speaking to her about it (guilt trips), and then using those things against me/miraculously having the same thing happen to her but ten times worse

gossiping about me with one of my support workers and using that support workers opinion to give legitimacy to her attempts to control my decisions

making me sleep next to the open bedroom door (in her usual spot) when i was unwell despite knowing it terrified me

blaming my behavior on diagnosis she had given me herself (“it’s your autism/bipolar” etc) and insisting i didnt have bpd because “thats just what they diagnose you with when they dont know what to do with you”

making me give her massages/wash her hair and body/squeeze her back spots/shave her legs /cut her toenails for her more or less every night and getting aggressive/sulking if i didnt want to

blaming physical ailments (that she demonstrably didn’t have and who’s severity /presentation changed on a very convenient basis) as an excuse to make me do things for her

putting me under huge amounts of pressure to perform “correctly” for her at all times or be harshly berated, ultimately driving me to attempt suicide several times because there was no escape from her nastiness

telling me that her family didn’t like me /disapproved of our relationship if she couldn’t get her own way and saying they wanted her to leave me because I was x y or z

Repeatedly telling a story about her dad (who has a violent history and had been in prison for attempted murder) threatening to burn down an ex girlfriends workplace and finding it hilarious that her ex was too scared to go to work for weeks

dismissing my concerns about anything as not a big deal or getting angry about me bringing them up, even serious things (e.g a sexual assault)

deliberately provoking me when I had told her to stop because my mental health was bad and i didnt feel able to control my reactions, because she enjoyed the drama /going to the hospital /getting attention from playing the long suffering loyal girlfriend role

only ever treating me with kindness if I had made a suicide attempt/done something dangerous to myself, and then using that against me later (”you put me through hell and im still always there for you so why cant you x y or z”)

blaming her being “in crisis” on me/my poor mental health (and not even being in crisis to begin with)

never saying sorry for hurting me, ever, even when proven “wrong” about something in front of impartial third party who insisted she should apologize for it

getting angry at me for googling any of the ridiculous things she said if I wasn’t sure it was accurate

making me go to a&e/doctors /mental health team when I didn’t want or need to be there because she enjoyed the attention she received as my partner

being angry at me for bring “constantly” on my phone and accusing me of texting other people instead of paying attention to her/whatever was on tv

getting angry if I didn’t want to watch whatever she was watching on tv (she would still be watching it but would get angry if I didn’t pay enough attention)

constantly trying to one-up me with her mental health/dismiss my concerns about how i was feeling and calling me self-centered because she had everything so much worse but was still “getting on with it”

demanding that i always answer the phone to her, and calling multiple times a day to keep tabs on me, usually keeping me talking for 2-3 hours daily whenever i wasnt staying at hers. it got to the point that it was pointless for me to try to do anything because i would start and then she would interrupt. if i didnt answer she would continually call the office claiming to be worried about me

trying to stop me from drinking, going to the extent of telling my parents she thought i had a drinking problem (i objectively didnt) because she didnt want me to spend time with a housemate she was jealous of because we actually had fun

expecting me to drop everything even when I was unwell to help care for an elderly man (who at one point sexually assaulted me), including regularly cleaning up urine/feces from the walls/floor because she didnt want to do that part, despite me saying that we werent trained and didnt have the correct ppe, and if we kept going above and beyond for him social services werent going to put a proper care plan in place for him. includes countless hours at hospital etc

buying me a shirt with a a swear word printed prominently on it and getting angry when I said it would be inappropriate to wear to a care home in case they kicked me out, and forcing me to do it anyway because she wanted brian (old man) to see it

lying about the value of gifts she’d brought me as a means of control/guilt (e.g earrings that she’d told me were £60, getting angry when i accidentally damaged one but when i went to get one fixed the guy said they weren’t worth more than £10 and would cost more to repair than replace)

insisting she couldn’t wait to rehome our cats (and taking the money for them despite the fact that i paid for them and their stuff) and giving them to a stranger despite knowing it would be a matter of weeks before i would be in a position to take them myself, because she couldn’t be bothered to look after them

deciding that we were getting guinea pigs (i wanted something else) and saying that caring for them would be split equally with one belonging to her and one to me, and that she would take them with her when she moved out, but only ever cleaning them once and then leaving me to care for them exclusively

complaining and calling me needy whenever i tried to show any kind of affection

accusing me of not trusting her when i did implicitly like an idiot

blaming all the problems in the relationship on me and whenever i brought up something that was upsetting me telling me that i did it to her too but worse

taking credit for me “getting gobby”/becoming less introverted and saying she was a good influence on me, despite having nothing to do with it (and that not being true, I was just settling in to the house)

having to sit in darkness because she wouldn’t let me open the blinds because she said having them open would damage her tv

if i was ever angry/irritated saying i was “hangry” and taking the piss, encouraging me to comfort eat and then acting smug when it calmed me down

saying that she hopes my friend dies and that she deserves to die when she was in a coma

trying to turn a mutual friend against me after she broke up with me, to the point that the friend refused to repeat what she'd said but told me she was dangerous and to stay away from her

expecting me to drop everything and make her cups of tea whenever she wanted, and making me remake them if they weren’t perfect /getting angry if I said i was busy

particularly saying i had to remake tea because it tasted like soap because i hadnt washed her cup up properly (she would use the same mugs continually until they were absolutely filthy and then leave me to wash them when i was there), often after I definitely had washed them properly but she just wanted to keep me in my place

playing on my fears (of guilt, abandonment etc)

convincing me to change my mind about what i wanted through compliments etc (e.g saying i looked much better wearing whatever she wanted me to wear)

expecting me to know what she wanted at all times without being asked and generally to be able to read her mind, and getting angry and claiming that i should know what she wanted because i was her girlfriend and that she always knew what i wanted and did everything for me blah blah blah

getting angry when i suggested couples therapy and saying it would be pointless because i would just blame everything on her

accusing me of “thundering around” and having heavy footsteps when i was just walking normally so I got so paranoid i had to tiptoe everywhere

refusing to clean up to the point that she got cockroaches, then refusing to acknowledge that it was because she kept leaving dirty dishes etc out and blaming it on her neighbours or on me, and then refusing to do anything about it so i had to pay for the poison and put it out repeatedly etc and make sure I cleaned up after her every time I came over so they wouldn't keep coming back

getting extremely frustrated when trying to accomplish simple tasks (usually diy related) but getting really angry and me when i offered help and accusing me of thinking she was an idiot (she was being an idiot a lot of the time, not reading instructions/using powertools in dangerous ways etc). it was scary and she would sometimes break things that i had bought out of frustration if she couldnt get them to work right (the cat cage & ball track toy for example)

refusing to prepare at all for when she moved out of nelson house so i had to do it, and then refusing to unpack her stuff at the other end in the hope that i would do that too

refusing to let me report an incidence of child abuse that happened in a neighbouring flat to hers because she was friends with the father and said the child deserved it

refusing to let me take the bus at times (she did pay for taxis for me but given the amount of money she took from me i might as well have been paying for them) even when i wanted to and acting like by not giving me a choice she was doing me a favour. in retrospect i think she wanted to know that i was going straight home

always asking me where i was, who i was with and sometimes accusing me of lying about it, either way trying to make my life hell

trying to encourage me to stay on my own and ignore my housemates but phrasing it in a cutesy way (just make a cup of tea and shut your door and have a nice night to yourself without any drama) so it sounded less like she was trying to be controlling

ringing me every night to confirm that i was in bed when i said i would be and making me video call her if she didnt believe me

telling me gossip about mutual friends that wasnt even true because she loved the drama (e.g saying venetias children had died because they had been born deformed)

constantly slagging off her exes and telling fantastical stories about how they broke up/stalked her/abandoned her/abused her and about the triumphant ways she got back at them

generally always telling incredibly unbelievable stories that made her look either “good” (e.g “taking down a squaddie in front of his mates”, sleeping with a nurse while both on duty) or made her out to be the illest (claiming to have had a psychotic break, coughing up a kidney stone)

virtue signalling with brian while also being controlling towards him/explaining things to him in a way that he would do what she wanted/saying “oh he won’t mind, he’d tell us to do it if he were here” when she used his card to buy us lunch etc (yeah he probably would have but that isnt the point)

getting angry if i ever discussed our relationship with anyone else, saying it was none of their business/i was trying to make her look like a cunt; telling me not to tell anyone after she did horrible things

promising things about the future and then never delivering any of it

saying that she wouldnt be the one carrying our children, trying to tell me that getting sperm from facebook was safe and generally treating me like a walking uterus

ending lies/false promises with “you know i will/do/am” to try and enforce to me that she was telling the truth

telling me to cancel holidays id paid for/not come over/generally throwing her toys out of the pram when she couldnt get her own way

forcing me to watch murder documentaries, usually about women being murdered by their partners, and getting way too in to it in a way that was a bit creepy

telling me my menstrual cup was disgusting and trying to force me to use tampons instead

making a big fuss about how she used to ~be an alcoholic~ and that she cant drink because it makes her a nasty person, and then buying a load of beer and vodka when the relationship wasnt going well and saying shed fallen off of the wagon because of me

constantly telling me i had BO to the point i was really paranoid (nobody else has ever said anything about it)

bullying me into letting her smoke in my room

throwing her rubbish on to my floor constantly because she was too lazy to pick it up, so i had to

constantly talking about how against domestic violence she was, saying she'd never hit a woman and how she had been a victim of it to make me think what she was doing wasnt abuse

doing small things for me that I found difficult because of my mental health (e. g phone calls) and then holding it over my head

telling me that i was incapable of love, and that the only person i loved was myself because of how selfish i am

deliberately killing two bees that I was enjoying watching by stomping them into the pavement then laughing at me when I was upset about it