#the time runaway had cut n he said the next time i dmg the merchandise he's gonna make me carve in his name
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#reoccurring imagery of tonight: so fucking much violence#throwin up blood cause he tore somethin outta me#knowing he fantasizes abt watching me choke on my own blood#the time runaway had cut n he said the next time i dmg the merchandise he's gonna make me carve in his name#so i remember who's property it is i'm fucking w/#the collar's on too tight but he digs his fingers under it n pulls so i can't breathe#i don't wanna wear it anymore but it's how i show him i know my place#scared he'll make me wear it irl cause he wants everyone to know. scared i won't refuse#he's threatened to do so many things n i can never tell if he means it. some of it he's gone through w/ later some of it not#but idk if he's just waitin for me to fuck up bad enough to warrant it#n i guess he shouldn't be able to cause the others can intervene if he gets violent but#i'm scared he'll manage to sneak me off somewhere they can't find us#it shouldn't be possible we've taken all the precautions we can think of but. there's no way to be sure#we can never be totally sure n i'm scared. there's nowhere for me to run.#so i just.....try to keep him happy i guess#try to find a balance between not losin myself completely n makin it not worth it for him to do anything drastic#but i get so confused#the cage is open but i'm still inside cause i got no way to know if he's there waitin to pull the trigger the moment i step out#i know it's killin me but i'm too fucking scared#spdrvent
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