#the thing about riverdale is that all of its best references are a few layers deep. that's the magic

[wallbeatjournal]

if you had to base a new riverdale season off three movies, which would you choose and why? they could be tonal choices or you can pluck entire elements of the movies and work them in.

ok i broke the rules bc i didn't stick to movies, i went novels and pop culture with it too. and i also kind of embroidered a few references together around each main riff in a way that i think COULD be riverdalian, but these are my 3 selections:

jt leroy (2018). trashy iffy-hot-take kristen stewart/laura dern movie about a very 2000s literary scandal/internet drama run Too Far into irl drama that i think riverdale would know better what to do with. two ideas (this is a jughead plot btw):

put jughead in the dissociated trauma-projecting controlling persona-having laura albert/jt leroy role and rope veronica and reggie and their monetary-business motivations into the scam angle. monica posh savannah knoop stuff and rattling veronica and jughead around in a jar together intensely in a campy way

or step lightly outside the bounds of this script into the real livejournal and myspace based drama of it all and jughead's sometimes-characterization as a guy who needs help unpacking metaphor even though he's swimming in it. make him into one of the many emo band boys (ryan ross?? ryan ross????) who related so so so so sosososo much to the writing of jeremiah terminator and then had a whole crisis when j.t. was unmasked as a middle-aged woman with a metaphorical literary persona.

permissible bonus web-weaves: james frey a million little pieces and oprah, augusten burroughs and running with scissors. we're doing the 2000s obsession with author authenticity is-this-really-autobiographical-if-it's-not-literally-true-or-are-you-shaming-your-family-for-NOTHING questions and scandals. but we're especially doing the emo community freaking the fuck out about blorbo from their novels doing a catfish online to extend the persona just that much further.

the avril lavigne replacement conspiracy theory (linking the wiki even though what i'm REALLY thinking of here is this moving pandemic essay alexander chee my beloved posted that i can't locate now, riffing on themes of feeling like a ghost inhabiting your own life after a major trauma). they can work in some other famous body double / replacement and assassination conspiracies (paul is dead, jfk) too but avril is the main reference and this is a betty plot.

pull in some actual alexander chee images and motifs too maybe, his novels about csa grooming trauma and having complicated feelings about your intimate abusers via like grandiose opera/paris siege metaphors (the queen of the night) and fox demons (edinburgh) betty would eat, i fear, even if they're a step off her normal serial killer media mix. dark betty has the range <3

stephen king's the long walk / suzanne collins' the hunger games / battle royale / state-sponsored brutal murderous game show authority abuse dystopia media homage in general!! especially when it's homoerotic and full of ptsd and institutional abuse, because clearly this is a plot primarily for archie and the lads. imo the long walk ("how bad do you have to hate yourself to join the military" but it's game show horror) and the hunger games ("child stardom is traumatic institutional abuse especially in the era of social media and society simply pretends not to see it" but make it a ya game show adventure) should be the main references, but we could work the academic/art-competition angle of battle royale for kevin. as a treat. ok yeah and maybe work in that arnold schwarzenneger movie the running man too while we're here picking up interwoven motifs at the store. why not!

[badass-queen-of-puns]

What Disney Princess Are You? Part 4 (Reggie Fic-One Shot)

Summary: It wasn’t everyday you see Reggie Mantle bothered by one message he receives on his phone at school one day, especially about a certain girl nonetheless. Though as he tried to keep himself together of the situation, a sudden curiousness of words from the core four may have solved his problem, or was it just the company itself from these so-called misfits he needed as well to find the answer himself?

Word Count: 2162

Notes: Unfamiliar characters mentioned or presented are part of my own Riverdale au (more detail into them in the future), specifically the Reggie-verse.

Chapters: 5

Warnings: Reggie being a less than usual jerk.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

“What about you, Ponytail?”  Reggie gestures his head towards the girl with the seemingly perfect ponytail.

Betty blinks for a moment. “Me?”  Surprised by the sudden ask, she answers him, slightly making eye contact in his direction “Cinderella. I always wondered what glass shoes would feel like.”  She says, admittingly.

“Uncomfortable, I think. I’ll take designer shoes thank you very much. Comfortable yet sensible.”  Veronica admits about her own fashion sense, flipping her hair back behind her shoulder.

Crossing her arms, Toni says “I say she gives off this Rapunzel vibe. She totally looks like she could be carrying a pan with her at all times to hit someone with a vicious look in her eye.”

“Or that ponytail of hers could just knock the crap out of people every time she turned her head.”  Reggie suggests, motioning his head as if he had a head full of hair flipping in the wind. Veronica releases a hint of laughter at his actions. Toni stares at him, entertained as a speck of smile rose from her lips, though disappearing before anyone else could notice. Unbeknownst to her, Reggie does.

Archie’s lips start moving on its own, “Now that I think about it–”  

“Don’t.” Jughead abruptly interrupts him as he covers Archie’s mouth much to his surprise. “You’ll know what will happen if you say more than you’re supposed to.”

They both turn their eyes to Betty, who was already giving them, particularly Archie the stare of death. To his eyes, that meant her saying, ‘Choose Your Next Words Carefully Archibald Andrews’. Archie’s mouth instantly closes shut after hearing his words, Jughead’s palm releases from Archie’s lips as he did. Reggie rolls his eyes in response to the idiotic duo that could completely be afraid of one chick. As if he would let that happen, no girl could hold him down to act so dumb like those two were doing as he thought to himself.

“We already confirmed Archie is Ariel, no doubt. He already passed the look in the wardrobe department.”  Veronica mentions, moving her head to Jughead, who was back at typing away on his laptop.

“What do you mean?”  Reggie notices Veronica’s attention being swayed towards Jughead, who everyone else noticed as well looking right at him. Jughead feels the amount of eyes laying rest around him that it brought his head up, locking eyes with everyone around him. Before he could say something else, Reggie’s face plastered with confusion, his answer came through with the sight of something he did not think he would see.

“It’s this.” Jughead replies back without making eye contact.

Turning his laptop to show Reggie the thing that he has been wondering about this whole time, which had these guys laughing about before his presence was made clear. His eyes widen as he sees the laptop screen pop up with a really well layered as Reggie would unwilling want to admit, photoshopped version of Archie in the body of Ariel from the popular Disney movie, The Little Mermaid in her mermaid form, or should he say HIS mermaid form. Complete with tail and seashell bra included. He had to blink twice to realize what he was looking at; the first time to know what he was looking straight at was right, and the second time to know that he did. With his mouth slightly agape at a sight, it was definitely a sight he would not be able to get out of his mind easily, but it happen to be a surprisingly a good look for Andrews, chuckling at the thought.

“Total mermaid, ain’t he? Only Andrews could pull off a look like that. That clam bra does it justice, I’d say.” Reggie responds at the image in front of him, Reggie tried to remembered where he saw that scene from, realizing a few moments later that it was the position of the scene where Ariel ended her song of ‘Part of Your World’, looking over to Prince Eric who was washed on the shore after she saved him.

He starts laughing at the realization as one thought did not cross his mind. That particular thought was not noticing how loose he was letting himself be around these guys that he could vaguely refer to as his classmates, let alone friends and yet it wasn’t that often he would completely let his guard down in front of others. Only a particular few could do that.

As he continues laughing, Jughead gives off a smirk at the sudden appreciation from the guy who would usually be the one start something that didn’t need to begin. Smiles erupted from around the room for a moment as the conversation continued with the next predetermined role of animation.

“I think V would be more of Snow White. But then again, she could easily be Jasmine.”  Betty suggests, tapping her finger on her cheek in thought as she gives Veronica a grin across the room.

“Aww, thanks B.” Veronica winks back at her; her eyes lighting up with a thought. “Ooo I’d love to have a tiger to guard me. Plus, it would be interesting to see Archie-kins ride a flying carpet.”  Her chin resting on Archie’s shoulder, Archie grins back at her touch.

“Andrews is more like the Abu if you ask me. All this talking, but nobody knows what he’s talking about.”  Reggie remarks, reaching for a piece of pizza when no one is paying attention. Having to dig through the first couple of empty boxes that the gang, mostly Jughead, devoured in a flash.

Archie just laughs at his comment, even Jughead huffing a response of amusement as his words. Toni shakes her head a bit at his words, but responsive enough to show smile herself at his words. 

“Why haven’t we said anything about Jughead yet?”  Veronica realizes as she looks back to him, then to someone else “And you too Toni?”

“Belle. I’m Belle. You can’t deny the similarities.”  Jughead answers as quickly as his hands were moving on the keyboard of his laptop.

“Of course, he would be the bookworm.”  Reggie chuckles.

“Makes sense.” Toni agreed with him, for once. “I personally would be more of a Pocahontas type of gal, got my tribe to back me up like my Serpent family, but still following my own roots, and got my own Grandmother Willow to give me some badass advice.”

“I can see that.” Reggie responds, checking her out as if he was imagining what she would like in that particular princess’s attire. Toni rolls eyes again in response, unfazed but use to his gaze already.

“All this talk about everyone being someone, and you all haven’t gotten to the best one.”  Reggie’s fingers point to one direction. “Me.”

“Okay Reggie, since you’re so willing to announce your royal status.” Veronica says to him. 

“Oh let me guess, how about sleeping beauty? Cause you seem to be good at that.” Toni claims, a hint of a smirk appearing on her face.

Betty nudges her neck back as she asks, “Which one? The sleeping or the beauty part?”  

“How about both?  He acts like a beauty even though he sleeps a lot.”  Veronica suggest, but then corrects herself “I mean around.”  Reggie gives off a smirk at her definition of his version of ‘sleeping beauty’, but he did not take it to heart or anything below that underneath tight clothing he wore that he called an outfit.

“Thanks for the compliment, but that chick is for virgins. Too innocent for my taste. Nah I’d be Mulan.”  Reggie answers, using his thumb to point himself, confidently.

“Why because you’re Asian?” Jughead’s mouth rose peculiarly at what his answer would be.

“No and yes. Not because she’s a representation of asian culture and independence or that I would definitely could pull of those outfits she wears, but she makes me think of how much I can kick ass without being judged by gender. Plus, I wouldn’t mind having a dragon as my sidekick compared to other miniature creatures that other princesses have. Plus, that cricket isn’t too bad either.”

“Isn’t he a lizard?”  A voice comes out from behind the ever-growing band of Riverdale’s most known students. Curiously, they all turn their heads to see two tall, laidback guys with smiles that expressed a self-satisfaction in what they were just hearing. Sweet Pea and Fangs. They were wearing their infamous Southside Serpent jackets, which were usually banned from wearing on school grounds, but Jughead was able to make a committing argument for them to be able to at least be worn after school. Both of them were each leaned against the rims of the door that showed their relaxed yet intrigued stature of the audience that was looking in their direction.

“No, he’s a dragon. Didn’t you see him blow fire in the movie? Mushu is a beast. Next to her Grandma.”  Reggie continues saying as he eyes turned to focus on them. He paused as he realized who he was replying back to all of a sudden. He gives a silent nod to the two, acknowledging their presence in front of him. Even with his lack of interaction he would occassionally get from the core four, he usually tried to keep his distance from the Serpents, though lately he has been slowly been having a mutual presence around Sweet Pea as well as Fangs who he has been at times becoming a team player and constant competitor with those two whenever it came to playing sports during PE practice. He watches as those two made their way closer to the group that were discussing more than just mere guessing games.

“How many disney princess are there again?”  Archie wonders, cocking his head to the side, looking at Veronica as he asks. Though he didn’t have to wait long for an answer to his question as it became clear in an instant as he tossed a few pieces of skittles into his mouth that he reached for from the messy food-plastered table. A unexpected voice spoke.

“Eleven, officially. Not counting Moana who is about to join soon or Anna or Elsa since I guess they don’t count them in the line-up. Since you know Elsa was actually crowned queen in the movie and Anna…well I don’t know bout that. Popularity issues I guess.”  Reggie’s words coming off as a deer in the headlights to everyone around him as he chews some more of his pizza off from his lips that seemed to be craving the moment he saw Toni appearing with them. He positions himself comfortably on the arm rest of the couch that Archie and Veronica were sitting at the whole time. Unaware of his informational words of the princess lineage, he stares back at everyone confused.

“Wow, Reg. I didn’t take you for a disney fanatic.”  Archie voices with surprise.

“I’m not..I just know stuff…You know television.”  Reggie mutters, shrugging his shoulders, trying to diminish the insinuation of his sudden spoken knowledge of famed childhood films.

“Right…. And you just happen to have the whole Disney Channel on your tv?”  Veronica raises her eyebrow, curiously.

“Now that I think about it. You’re like a walking Disney encyclopedia. You sure been giving hints of that so-called genius you’re always bragging about. This is probably it. Am I right?” Jughead compliments surprisingly in his own way, a smile peering from his lips. “Maybe I should mention to Mr. Weatherbee to issue a Disney Day in the school paper that way we can vote you to be in charge since you know so much.”

“I would love to see that. I’ll gladly vote for once. I’ll even nominate him.” Sweet Pea declares, standing up for a moment as he raises his arm in declaration to those words.

“Me too. I don’t mind dressing up. Beats wearing those school uniforms every day.”  Fangs comments as he went along with what Sweet Pea was saying, interested in their possible event as him and Sweet Pea high-five each other grinning like elementary school kids at recess.

“Don’t you dare.”  Reggie responds back yet his voice sounding laid-back than he would expect it to be. He knew that those two were messing around at the notion of his preview of unhidden disney knowledge that he could not admit he got from a certain someone. A little someone.  

Though that secret would stay just that…deep down in an area of himself like a jack-in-the-box that he would be labeled as ‘Mantle Mysteries’ only spinning to be released, but never to be opened. Unless someone were lucky enough to figure out the trick to doing just that, but that will be the day he thought to himself.

Suddenly without notice, he feels a vibration near his stomach. The one thing that he was keeping his mind off popped back up without warning and he reaches for the device inside his jacket pocket that gave him more anxiety than a championship game in the fall. Tapping his phone that he held out in his hand, the screen appeared with bold, clear words yet again.

She’s here. You better have fixed IT.

PART 4 finally complete only one more to go! To all who are reading it, thank you so much. I’m glad to finally be finishing up soon and all your questions that you may have about this mysterious ‘she’ will soon be revealed. stay tuned! 

[floggingink]

Riverdale: “Chapter Eight: The Outsiders”

have you ever felt pastels to be sadistic? lime-sherbet green nail polish? Grace’s incredible cover of Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me,” both produced by Quincy Jones? ...the Coopers

Alice raises Betty’s chin

“beautiful daughters”

I am intrigued by the emotional politics of Betty wearing her hair in a ponytail vs. down. she seems to prefer it up for everyday wear, down for social functions. but would Alice allow it up for a semi-formal family picture, different from Polly’s hair?

the Blossom corpse: I continue to love how Flashback Jason looks more like an eerie ginger Ken doll, too pale and coiffed to be a real person. of course, it’s not really “Actual Footage of Flashback Jason” so much as it’s “Jughead’s Imaginatory Flashback of Jason,” and Jughead puts everyone in like an exaggerated hyper-characterized limbo

Cheryl’s “Bitchy” baseball tee, red leather heart clutch

Nana Rose met Jason and Polly out in the woods to give them her ring, in her wheelchair, she ships them so hard

“Damn good coffee”: INTERESTING insertion of Jughead at Pop’s in the background watching J&P planning to run away? actually watching, or putting himself there as if he had watched them, imagining some more? he is lounging pretty brazenly, like he’s watching a TV show

Jughead eats: WITH his burger

please tell me Nana’s heirloom ring is going to mysteriously return

Hermione graciously rises and pats Sheriff Keller’s shoulder until he leaves Polly alone

Veronica was rich: the plants and decor around the Lodge apartment are pretty bland, except there’s a very sweet purple and white flower arrangement behind Polly

“Gooooootta stop blowing me up. You’re doing it. What’re you doing—”

certainly it is Archie who “keeps killing” Jughead, not the other way around, themes and such

Jughead would be the guy who falls in love with No Man Sky and Archie would be the guy who’s like, “It takes TEN MINUTES to fly to the other planet?” also consider: Until Dawn, and the new Zelda

Fifth period is AP English: “No, Archie. Hell is other people.”

does Archie know Sartre? he laughs, but maybe it was a Veronica’s-Capote-references laugh. does this poor boy understand a word out of anyone’s mouth?

“It’s like Archie and I are just roommates in a college dorm.” absolutely: the floor and the bed are a mess, bags of chips, so many blankets it’s where they forgot whose is whose, kicking their socks off without putting them in the laundry, staying up too late playing Witness, watching Monster Factory, practicing kissing

Fred is thoroughly decent to acknowledge that it might be hard for Jughead to have the construction job brought up

Jughead’s only half-facetious “As long as you build something beautiful in its place.”

Archie’s bright blue Henley, Veronica’s little grey textured sheath, Betty’s powder blue ribbed pullover, Cheryl’s red and black criss-crossed sweater

Cheryl is sitting with them! fascinating! presumably after helping Polly escape Penelope, she got hugged by Veronica and that was that

does Archie know what a Gordian knot is?

Veronica has been “percolating” on the Polly problem and comes up with a “hellishly” simple solution

Jughead’s “Am I expected to come to this thing?” is a gentle joke for Betty and the room at large, Your Honor, acknowledging that he does not like casual gatherings but will most definitely be attending because he “has to.” Veronica takes the reins of the conversation back by telling him soberly that he will be because he’s Betty’s boyfriend

the look Betty and Jughead share at the first public drop of the word “boyfriend” between them is precious, little smiles

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: Archie continues to feel strange about them, which is fine as he does not do anything strange about them

although Valerie is sitting right next to him. are they dating? just making out? Archie, get your shit together

Betty’s spit take: “Mom?”

how is a construction team made up? crews can just pick up and leave? Fred hires a foreman who comes with his own crew? the foreman speaks for the crew? are they like a union? Hermione?

Alice interrogates the girls in the Spanish classroom

Best costume bit: Alice’s amazing wool trench, beige-on-beige-on-brown, the puffy sleeves

all three ladies end up with their arms crossed

Alice was not ready to be called a grandmother

apparently Archie and Val went out and got pizza, are actually dating. okay Archie, continue to mind your own dating business. Jughead got his girl. you got yours. eyes forward. eyes on your own test.

I LOVE the Andrews’ kitchen! I think there’re string lights behind the window curtains!

oh these two Andrews men. Fred is so stressed and quiet and trying to hold himself together. Jughead is I guess at Pop’s, splitting a milkshake with Betty, two straws, fingers intertwined

the Lodge breakfast seems to consist largely of orange juice and croissants

Betty and Veronica hoping against hope that “the Blossoms” just means “...Cheryl’s. On the guest list.” “Yeah, Cheryl.”

Polly’s Grecian Vestal Virgin headband

“Mother-to-mother?” “Oh, yeah. No.”

Fred screeches his Ford pickup to a stop but feet from Clifford’s Bentley coupe

how he got his truck past the gates in the first place is probably a good cocktail party story

Clifford is so rich that he can buy off Fred’s crew to have them actually work on a real, second construction site so that he can buy back the first construction site that he actually wants

Clifford Blossom is undeniably a “pompous ass,” but I agree with him in the sense that I have no idea what Fred’s revenge against him would likely be, am forcibly reminded of Jughead’s “What? What are you gonna do?”

“Go park somewhere else.”

the sheer number of flannels on Fred’s construction site, breathtaking

anytime Jughead wants to stand with his hip cocked to the side, holding a toolbox, jacket open, I endorse

What damn high school in America: are these boys missing school right now? Jughead already took an absence for running around the Catholic asylum with Betty

God bless Moose: “We’re bruiser studs, Mr. Andrews.” I don’t know what that is, but it’s adorable

Moose does not think Jughead counts as a “bruiser stud.” clearly Jughead’s fleece lapels are blocking the view of his pecs from Moose’s peripheral vision

Bulldog #1, the not-Moose, tells Keller he looks “buff” without caveat, nice guy

Gay.: “I prefer my contact sports one-on-one. Like. Boxing.”

LOVING the appreciative laughs from the bros. Kevin is simply funny and gay and has gay sex(ual moments) and it’s awesome. no no-homos from his friends. Moose smiles. big grin from Jughead

the female gaze: speaking of, what the fuck?

presumably this is why Jughead wears so many shirts, so he can walk down the hallway and not get attacked

the reversal of Archie and Jughead’s typical wardrobes, Archie now in the multiple layers and Jughead just in an hourglass tank top, a button-down tied low on his hips to play up his tiny waist. although Archie’s T-shirt definitely falls into the Chris Evans school around the chestal region

“He works his ass off for me, bro.”

truly Jughead does not have an ounce of fat on his body. Jughead. Jughead. BETTY.

if Riverdale were on HBO, Moose would be beaten to within an inch of his life and they would have to wait until he came out of his coma to tell them about the crowbar dudes

the truck they speed away in has a “Don’t Tread on Me” bumper sticker, so you know they’re some bullshit

oh great, Sheriff Keller is here. he’ll fucking figure it out.

Archie is probably right in that Sheriff Keller is disproportionately effective towards the Blossoms, but Fred is the most right when he tells Archie to just cut it out

Polly’s pink top with the flower decals!

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica never thought she would live to see the day when something would make her as soft inside as Polly asking Betty to be the baby’s godmother

is not Polly’s line of “if anything were to happen to me, I only trust YOU with my baby” EXTREMELY foreboding? isn’t this the moment we knew Remus Lupin would die?

poor Valerie telling Archie to slow down had no chance against Archie setting his mind to do something stupid to assuage his own anxiety

Valerie’s boots??

“Dude, what the hell? I’ve been texting you.” Jughead has been ignoring Archie’s texts because he knows some dumb shit is coming

Jughead nods at the Serpents being “dangerous” but is like, affronted that Betty calls them drug dealers? Jughead, you sweet, gentle, down-soft baby-faced spider, what do you think the Serpents do?

Jughead doubts it: he sums up everything succinctly, though, with just, “Archie, going into that bar is a bad idea.” no shit! it’s a fucking biker gang bar! has Archie completely forgotten Rust Cohle’s undercover stint in True Detective?

Archie’s pissy “Thanks for having my back” is such a dick move. such a dick move. everyone at the table is like, Jesus.

Red shows up in his effing letterman jacket? Christ Almighty.

HELLOOOO, JOAQUIN!

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: JOAQUIN!!!

Moose looks at Kevin and nods at Archie’s plan to call Kevin’s dad. is Moose fucking in love with Kevin Keller? right here, in front of Kevin’s pretty-boy bf who’s so cool he’s in a non-racist biker gang (my edit)? does Moose PINE? MOOSE?

the bar is so cool that it has a banana python in a tank

These students are legally children: would they have all been allowed IN? maybe Joaquin could’ve gotten Kevin in, but three underage non-members?

I would’ve been fine in there, for the record, because I would’ve worn my Slytherin pin on my checkered Charlotte Russe blazer lapel, as badasses do

“We’re all gonna die.”

Moose SAID he couldn’t remember what the guys looked like, so Archie MUST HAVE convinced him he MIGHT if he just came along to this bar and LOOKED AROUND. Archie is like, a danger to others???

to kill time, Joaquin hustles Kevin at the pool tables

Mustang could take a few lessons about how to wear beanies from his boss’s son

Archie...was not expecting to see FP

FP looks familially disappointed at Archie being so irresponsible on Fred’s behalf

“Man, you got a bigger imagination than Jughead. And that’s saying something.” how much can I love FP’s thing about Jughead’s storytelling

the job Fred is doing on his truck’s brakes

“I called him. The second you walked into the bar.” FP dad points!!

the 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Valerie, in a velvet top, and Melody come to the baby shower because they’re fantastic

this cover of “Our House” is perfect

Jughead absolutely ditched Archie to help the girls put the baby shower together, and he loved it. Betty in her little skirt? he loved it.

Veronica, gently buzzed on mimosas in the back of the Lodge driver car: I’m registering Polly at Tiffany’s. Would Baby Cooper rather have the ironstone ceramic three-piece dining set with the dancing chicks detail or the little polka dot earthenware piggy bank except it’s an elephant?

Betty, opposite, head in Jughead’s lap, playing with the lowest buttonhole on his shirt: Sweetie, you know you don’t have to help put all this together. You can just come when it starts.

Jughead, brushing her hair: I am ORGANIZING the baby shower.

Betty: Oh! Oh okay!

Jughead: I will GET the BALLOONS.

he plops the cupcake tier down with such a look on his face. his whole thing this whole time is like a beautiful meta-joke about how he and Betty are obviously a socially mismatched couple and he must be lolling behind her not wanting to go to her fancy parties because that’s his whole constructed persona but in actuality he’s fucking just LOOK at how he looks at her. I’M CALM

Betty cups his elbow and kisses him because she is also calm

“You’re sweet to be here. I know this isn’t exactly your scene.” “What?”

and his soft red sweater?

Alice Cooper wore a pink coat in a gesture of neutrality towards Hermione, affection towards her daughters, and contrition towards Polly

“WE’RE HERE!!!”

the vintage Victorian pram Cheryl bequeaths on Jay-Jay’s baby

Cheryl’s sheaths: her baby-pink 50’s skirt, with a slit!, her bosomy black top, gold bag, her sparkly sparkle-necklace

Cheryl’s hair: GOD I LOVE CHERYL WITH HER HAIR DOWN

oh my god Penelope wheeling in Nana Rose

Cheryl owning Nana Rose: “Let’s get you a good spot by the food.”

Please protect Betty: Betty to Alice: “Think happy thoughts.”

Cheryl’s pins: okay Penelope AND Alice are BOTH wearing flower pins, dueling flower pins

FP is like, I’m an alcoholic whose personal life has imploded and I’ve gone back to the gang that I left after I couldn’t work anymore but I’m not PETTY

Fred and FP are both in charge in their own worlds, both bosses. both have “guys”

Lord, PLEASE do not let this happen to Archie and Jug. PLEASE let Jughead be okay.

Nana Rose dangles a crystal over Polly’s palm, reading the baby’s aura. Cheryl: “Nana has dementia. And gypsy blood.”

Penelope’s red short-sleeved dress is very Cheryl. is she trying to look less threatening?

Polly is genuinely surprised at the idea that she might be having twins? has this woman not had a damn sonogram yet? does Riverdale have a Planned Parenthood?

“This is occultism at its most ludicrous,” says the woman who burned sage in Betty’s room after Cheryl Blossom was there for three hours

I WANT the baby lambs mobile.

Archie fucking SERIOUSLY hauls in there and doesn’t even wait for the conversation to start back up before—he SERIOUSLY—

God bless Jughead was just standing off to the side, eating cupcakes, minding his own damn business, like, That’s a good mobile. Aw. The lambs. Look at that. fuck’s sake!

he takes a fraction a moment to be horrified that Archie knows about his dad and the rest of the moment to have a DAMN HEART ATTACK that now Betty knows. Archie said this not to him, but TO BETTY, right in front of him. “Did you know Jughead’s dad is a Serpent?” isn’t a dig at Jughead’s father. it’s a dig at Jughead. Archie. Archie.

Betty’s isn’t grossed out or anything, but she knows the Serpents are such bad news that she’s proportionately uncomfortable for a hot second

Veronica tells them to shut up

Cheryl’s a psychopath: Cheryl’s “Oh, Polly! Come live with us at Thornhill!” is SO perky, sitting next to her mother, it must be fake. although I infinitely love Cheryl consistently, constantly, consciously putting on a show

bit tacky, ALL AWESOME to pitch Polly moving in with the Blossoms in front of Alice

“a bedbug-infested Trojan horse”

Alice didn’t “send me away” so much as she had grown men haul her into a VAN like she’d reneged on a ransom

apparently we can’t say “abortion” on the CW?

Fred is sitting alone in his kitchen with a cutting board full of like, arugula

Certified pedigree: his voice shakes as he tries to explain to Archie how their lives are about to fall apart

Archie > Dawson: ugh I guess Archie makes his dad feel a little better, which is nice, I guess

Jughead genuinely went off and sat in a room by himself, temporarily traumatized at being outed and yelled at in front of strangers, his delicately-new girlfriend, #introvertproblems

Betty’s clacky heels on the hard floor, #asmr

Betty is already over FP being a Serpent, wants to ask him about Jason. “I want to know who you are. All of it.” Jughead can’t believe his fucking luck. this fucking girl.

he cups her back at they walk out

whoa, is that Fred’s truck? is Jughead driving Fred’s truck?

FP is SO chill at his house on the weekends. he’s not out cavorting with the gang, he’s watching like, playoffs

okay, he is drinking, which is in direct violation of the tearful promise he made to Jughead, which everyone knows as soon as they see each other

I am very fond of the slightly accented way Cole Sprouse keeps saying the short A in “dad”

Jug’s proper introduction of “Betty Cooper” to his father, with an expression like, Guess this is happening now

he is thoroughly unimpressed at there being shenanigans between his dad and Jason Blossom

WTF, why was Jason like HOARDING drugs? did he WANT them?

FP has the teensiest smile on his face at Betty and Jughead, the pair, coming to him, together, thinking they’re going to get the slightest bit of anything from him, his son and “Is that your girlfriend?”, bring it on at this poker face

very cool, now Jughead and Betty have each asked their fathers if they’ve killed Jason. cool! cool dads!

“I believe you, Jughead.” Betty doesn’t buy FP’s denial of involvement. Betty is still thinking

hold on because she’s holding Jughead’s face. oh you know what this means

Jughead looks from her lips to her eyes to her lips to her eyes to her lips

Betty and Jug have graduated to kissing while holding EACH OTHER’S faces SIMULTANEOUSLY

oh god all of their kisses should be strongly backlit, in a penthouse or a trailer park or like, Betty’s bedroom (remember when he was in her bedroom?), but here, out in the cold air with the archangel Raphael apparently descending behind them, misting them in Chanel Mademoiselle and illuminating the silhouettes of their long eyelashes

it also seems like they’re kissing to the music from Titanic

seriously, does Betty know about the biceps?

the best part, this is a great kiss, but the best part is the thing at the end when Jughead isn’t quiiite done and leans in for a little more

@milakuniis

and the soft wet mouth kiss-noises? Betty’s heart earrings? JUGHEAD’S THUMB ON HER CHEEK?

oooooohhhh Hal Cooper is watching the same baseball game as FP, also drinking a finger of whiskey

UH ALICE BREAKING THE REMOTE?

SHOVING HIM IN THE THROAT?

Hal made Alice get an abortion?

“overreact”

“BLOSSOM BLOOD”

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “GET. OUT.”

what is Alice capable of? what isn’t she capable of?

holy moly Alice. Alice is tender and comes apart easily with a fork. Alice is done.

why the FUCK is JUGHEAD the one apologizing to ARCHIBALD.

...why are they still sharing a room? there has to be a third bedroom in that house. could they...just not bear...being apart...

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: “There’s no excuse.” [rubs hands] ah but there is tension.

I want Jughead’s reluctance to share stuff about his father with Archie to come less from a place of embarrassment and more from a down-to-earth place about knowing Archie doesn’t have a lot of sense and can’t keep secrets

at least Archie’s doofusness isn’t coming from a gross sabotaging Jug-and-Betty thing, unless it’s unconscious

Gay?!: Jughead sees your earnestness, calls it out, and raises it. “You’re like. You’re like my brother.” “Nice bro whisper, Archie. You are my brother.”

how is Jason’s jacket insurance??

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: FP’s epic coldness with Joaquin’s hesitancy about Kevin’s feelings is the first time, and it’s really good, he’s looked like a Scary Gang Guy In Charge Of Shit, Obey Him

WHAT is the part FP is playing! oh my god! is it just lying to Betty and Jughead, which makes sense, or some other shit??? is it with Fred??? oh my god FP is like fascinating to me GOD.

for the record, “Greendale” is where Sabrina Spellman lives, nbd

HE’S WAITING FOR FRED WITH A CREW OH MY GOD IS THIS HIS PART? BEING A FRIEND?

“You’ve never had a better foreman than me. I won’t leave you hanging this time.” Fred is…..so proud…..

“Who ratted you out?” VERONICA?

honestly tbh poor Polly has probably lost all nostalgic affection for “coming home” and I don’t like, blame her for not caring enough about the concept to go back there

although surely she has a plan, going to the Blossoms?

“You’ll be safe here.” is Cheryl going to freak out (privately) that Polly came to them after all?? CHERYL IS COMING.

remember in Hannibal when Mason Verger surgically removed Margot Verger’s pregnant womb and it turned out he’d kept the fetus gestating inside a sow so he could use it to inherit his father’s fortune without her? something about this is just reminding me of that. Hannibal was kind of fucked up!

next week: a really good hug