#the thing about dreams nightmares and breakdowns are that they're times when your brain isn't working quite right

[bookwyrminspiration]

anyone else have a favorite kind of scene to write? where it just clicks right with your brain? because dreams, nightmares, and mental breakdowns are my holy trinity oh my god I love them so much

[stargazeraldroth]

You mentioned an idea for the horse ranch AU where Ink gets really bad anxiety and thinks everyone hates him/is mad at him… Do you have any other thoughts about that 👀 Because I’ve been constructing idea after idea in my head about when and where and why that would happen (yes I’m projecting, shush), and I need more information on such a scenario.

Does it cumulate in him trying to run away because he’s been convinced he makes things worse, potentially due to misunderstandings or bad luck?

Does he start shutting people out to keep from getting hurt by their rejection or disapproval?

Does he try and hide how much it’s affecting him to keep from worrying people while he’s internally having a mental breakdown?

I need to know the specifics of this hurt/comfort scenario, damnit. Please tell me he gets buried in a pile of dogs and cuddled by horses.

Oh sweetheart, we all project onto characters sometimes. I'm projecting too. Regardless of what I say, though, I'd love to know your thoughts about why Ink's like this and what happens. Tell me everything you've got hidden in that brain of yours.

I imagine Ink's always struggled with some anxiety in this AU, not just after the others arrived for their program (or whatever brought them here). That's just when it started becoming more active and detrimental. He's pretty okay when interacting with his family members and the animals, it's just... socializing with new people is hard. And Ink isn't exactly what you might consider "normal"... especially considering he's an animal whisperer in this AU, so he talks to the animals. A lot. As for when and why it started, that's a bit trickier to figure out, but I do think it had to do with some bullying growing up. Even without bullying, he was often isolated by his peers because he was perceived as "weird"... 'tis the unfortunate canon event of us autistics. Maybe it got so bad that at one point, they had to pull him out of public school and start homeschooling him. His family might not even know that he's an animal whisperer and might think he's weird for having "one-sided" conversations with the animals, but there's no harm in it. Unfortunately, the potential dismissal of Ink's closeness with the animals as nothing more than a coping mechanism (which it does help him cope with loneliness, but it's more than that) doesn't do very much for his confidence.

I think the only attendee that Ink wouldn't be so jumpy around is Epic, because he's Cross's best friend and has been to the ranch several times before. I think it'd be nice if Dream and Ink are online friends meeting for the first time, and while Dream's bursting with happiness, Ink's having all these suffocating thoughts about how Dream's surely judging him and how different he must be from what Dream imagined. It definitely doesn't help that Stretch and Red are kinda like the "bullies" of the bunch and are natural assholes, that Nightmare has a resting bitch face 24/7, or that Error's very quick to judge and very easy to irritate. Can you imagine how much worse it'd be if the Murder Trio was here? Especially Killer. I'm doing Ink a service by keeping them away from the main group.

I wasn't entirely joking when I said that the dogs at the ranch are Ink's emotional support dogs. At least one of them, maybe Glaze (golden retriever) or Canvas (corgi), was professionally trained to be his emotional support animal. All of the dogs are very protective of Ink and have imprinted on him, especially Paperjam. PJ is so territorial, they're definitely growling and just barely holding back when Error starts getting closer to Ink. Especially if Error and Ink have some not-so-pleasant first interactions.

I don't think Ink would be convinced that running away is the only solution, but maybe he does leave without saying anything and it causes a panic. Especially if he doesn't take Broomie or any of the dogs with him. As for what might lead to that situation, maybe he overhears some of the things the others say and misinterprets them as being about him? This could be helped by awkward interactions or miscommunications.

Even if he doesn't leave or anything, I do think it would gradually lead to him shutting down and just... changing. Even if he's awkward and anxious, he still wants to be around the others and be friends with them, with some support from his family to start making friends again. But everything else is just so discouraging... he's not very good at teamwork or anything that can actually help them, and some of them don't seem very interested in anything he has to say, so... maybe he should just stop trying. It's fine, he's used to not being wanted around anyway. He still has the dogs and the horses, he'll be fine. The others deserve to get the full experience, without someone as clumsy and awkward as him around to ruin it. It's slow, but he stops trying to strike up conversations and eventually stops showing up at all, just doing what he has to and then going back into hiding. Cross notices, of course, but he doesn't want to be insensitive to Ink's struggles and pushy, and he doesn't know what to do.

I know I probably have a reputation as an angst addict who spews tragedy and worst-case-scenarios, but I'm gonna say there are some limits to what angst I'll do for this AU. Or at least for what's canon to the AU. For example, Ink may very well have depression (ayyy depressed gang rise up), but I won't say he's suicidal or does self-harm. Or, like, deliberate self-harm. Did you know you can burn yourself in the shower? I didn't know that until my mom told me I was, I just thought the hot water was nice.

Matter of fact, the eating disorder episode is probably about Ink. Our angst baby. Angst punching bag. Because everyone was pointing out how it wouldn't even work with the horses, as stablehands would've found the food in Pepper's stall immediately. Cross and Ink are very proactive with keeping the stables clean and proper for the animals. But Ink... who would notice with him? The animals would probably notice first, especially the dogs that are practically up his ass lol. My dogs do it too, it's a sign of love. But this could actually work with him disappearing in the woods, maybe he ends up passing out from not eating while still doing the physical labor. Only, in this one, I'd say he takes at least one or two dogs with him... and one comes back to the ranch, barking and whining up a storm, trying to lead the others (namely Cross) to Ink's location.

Getting into the specifics is difficult because there's so much you can do. Stretch and Red can make jokes that are common for them, but end up hurting Ink a lot. One thing I do want to mention, though, is that the horses are aware of the divide and largely one-sided tension between Ink and the others, so they're gonna react to things their owners say and do. One of them can say something about Ink being too jumpy and a horse might nay or something, and so they joke about Ink "talking to their horses behind their backs" or "turning their horses against them", and if Ink overhears this... yikes.