#the song literally got the lyrics “he has these eyes so blue he's six foot two and a little younger than me” so yk. i had to.
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[will we ever get together? we'd be perfect for each other.]
an au based on cate's brother (by. maisie peters) in which eddie throws a halloween party, maddie brings her younger brother to join, introduces the two and the rest is history <3
#i have been obsessed with maisie as you can tell so this was bound to happen eventually#the song literally got the lyrics “he has these eyes so blue he's six foot two and a little younger than me” so yk. i had to.#this au if it was real would be set in college age#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddieedit#911 abc#911edit#911 moodboard#buddie moodboard#m*mbs
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Prompt List!
As promised, here is a prompt list for requests! Please keep in mind, your request does not have to come from this list. It’s simply to help if you’d like to request something but don’t have any ideas in mind.
When you request, please send your request to my ask box and include the following information:
- The section/prompt you’d like to request. For example, Dialogue 22. - Which character you’d like me to write the request for. Currently I’m comfortable with John Krasinski, Jim Halpert, Jack Ryan, and could probably do Jack Silva if you’d like. - Fluff, angst, flangst, etc. I’m willing to give smut a try, but be aware, it’s not my strong suit. - Any other details you would like me to include! If there’s something I’m not comfortable writing, I’ll message you and we will try to work it out!
Please be aware:
- You may request from any completed fic on my masterlist. - I’m open to writing smut requests, but smut in general in not my strong suit. - Everything will default to a reader pairing. - I will cross-off any prompts that are requested, and will link the fic when completed. - I don’t set out writing anything with a certain length in mind. Generally, I shoot for at least 500 words. You may get a drabble, you may get a one-shot. I’ll do my best to fill every request!
I think that gets all of the boring stuff out of the way; on to the fun stuff! Prompts below the cut! If you have any questions, feel free to ask :)
Tags for possible interest/signal boos: @professorkrasinski @booklover1814 @krasinskigirl @goldenolaf25
Dialogue Prompts:
“Are you telling me you knew this whole time?”
“Obviously I’ve been gone for way too long. You managed to kill the houseplants.”
“Are you even a doctor?” “Of sorts.”
“Why do you have scars there?”
“I didn’t expect you to be here tonight.” “Clearly.”
“You look good together. Odd. But good.”
“Don’t you know who I am?” “Yup. I just don’t care.”
“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
“What are you so afraid of?” “You.”
“The goal is to laugh forever with someone I can take serious.”
“I’m sorry that someone made you think it’s hard to love you.”
“At one point in time … we could have been happy.”
“Go for it. Whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience.”
“I didn’t want to fall in love. Not at all. But at some point, you smiled, and oh, shit. I blew it.”
“He does realize what he lost. And that’s why he can’t speak to you now.”
“I’m not choosing you because our being together makes sound, solid sense. I choose you because you make me forget there’s a choice.”
“You can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending it’s him.”
“Are you sober?” “I’m moderately functional.” “I’ll take that as a no.”
“Your hair is really soft after you wash it.”
“I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen.”
“I want to ask you what I mean to you, but I’m afraid to know the answer.”
“Well, somebody’s got to do it, and I really want it to be me.”
“I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns, they’re visible from space.”
“I didn’t say ‘I love you’ to hear it back, I said it to make sure you knew.”
“Shrouded in mystery and ready to die — just how I like my men.”
Situational/AU/Trope Prompts:
When boys let you read your head on their shoulder.
Pairing on a hammock together. Person B is asleep on Person A’s chest. Person A with one foot on the floor so they can rock the hammock in hopes of keeping Person B asleep.
You have a recurring dream of someone you’ve never met before. One day, you literally bump into that person on the sidewalk.
I’m really scared of storms … can we possibly cuddle?
I always leave notes at your desk/door for you to find.
Person A is sick, Person B takes care of them.
Person A shows up with bruises, Person B demands to know where they came from.
Midnight baking.
Wearing his clothes.
Person A washing Person B’s hair.
Accidentally falling asleep together.
Slow dancing.
Height difference.
Age difference/age gap.
You’re cutting my hair and I’m trying not to focus on your hands in my hair and your breath on my neck.”
Person A tries to secretly kiss Person B’s cheek while they’re asleep but Person B shifts and Person A accidentally kisses their mouth and pulls back flustered and looks down at a wide-eyed Person B who pulls them back for a real kiss.
Person A is hospitalized; Person B falls asleep in their hospital room.
You’re my neighbor and it just snowed approximately two feet in six hours. I catch you building a snowman in your backyard and decide to start a snowball fight.
Someone walks by your table and drops a folded napkin in front of you, trying to be discreet. It is a note saying, “Get out now. While you still can.”
Forced to share a bed; they build a wall of pillows between them but wake up tangled in each other anyway.
Two insomniacs keeping each other company.
Childhood sweethearts meet again; one of them has drastically changed in some way.
You’re about to be really embarrassed in front of your ex, until that cute guy who’s been eyeing you from across the room comes to your rescue.
Two people meet and connect deeply … but one or both of them is already in a serious, committed relationship.
Becoming first time parents.
Song/Lyrics Prompts:
Floorplan - Sara Bareilles
I Found - Amber Run
You Shouldn’t Kiss Me Like This - Toby Keith
I Could Use A Love Song - Maren Morris
Crush - Mandy Moore
Sparks - Coldplay
Battle - Colbie Caillat
Waiting for Superman - Daughtry
Feels Like Home - Chantal Kreviasuk
The Kiss - Karmina
Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute
Secret Garden - Bruce Springsteen
Pistol - Dustin Kensrue
Someone Like You - Safetysuit
Anywhere Place - Katie Costello
Lover - Taylor Swift
The Best of Me - The Starting Line
(Kissed You) Good Night - Gloriana
What If I Never Get Over You - Lady Antebellum
More of You - Chris Stapleton
Real - Plumb
Something Crazy - Franky Perez
Blue Ain’t Your Color - Keith Urban
Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Crazy for This Girl - Evan and Jaron
Picture/GIF Prompts:
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Wine Glasses & Telepathic Kisses - (J’onn J’onzz x black!reader)
Author’s Note: Hello all! So I made this for @lovelynervouschaos. Thanks for waiting so patiently! Finally, it’s ready. Sorry it’s so late. This should’ve come out before Valentine’s Day. ❤♥❤
Disclaimer: None of the images are mine.
Warnings: Cursing, sexual references and sex.
Aliens are a funny bunch.
No, you weren’t one of them - you were human.
Yet, you could appreciate the fact that other life forms existed.
It was humbling.
In turn, there were some aliens who found you interesting.
You couldn’t understand why.
You were a forensic scientist, hired to join the ranks of the D.E.O. about three months ago.
Even if you originally came from a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, you had never felt more at home, among beings who - like you, often felt out of place.
First, it was the Supergirl, the kryptonian.
“Hi,” Supergirl greeted, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Holy shit,” you mumbled, your eyes wide, “You’re-”
“Supergirl? Yeah that’s me. You must be the new forensic scientist. Come on in. I’ll show you around.”
Then, it was the best agent in the whole compound.
“Excuse me.”
You looked up.
“Hi. Sorry to interrupt. I’m Agent Danvers.”
You had heard about her. She could whip anyone’s ass.
“Oh um...it’s nice to meet you,” you shook her hand, “I’m (Y/N), new in the forensics section.”
“Oh I heard. I just wanted to come by and welcome you. A bunch of us are going out to Big Belly Burger for dinner. You wanna come?”
“Me? Sure.”
Lastly, it was the Martian.
You breathed deeply in order to calm your nerves as you headed to Director Henshaw’s office.
It was your first day on the job, so you hoped not to disappoint your boss so soon.
Nevertheless and despite your fear, you gathered up your courage and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” came the deep voice from inside. With one last breath, you opened the door.
A tall black man sat at a large mahogany desk. The look on his face was one of pure business and no play.
He was not to be fucked with.
“Ms. (Y/L/N),” Director Henshaw greeted, standing from his chair and shaking your hand, “A pleasure to finally meet you, I’m Director Hank Henshaw.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Please, sit.”
The rest of the brief meeting went well, with Director Henshaw going over everything you needed to know - including giving you a laundry list of procedures that you would need to start you new position.
But things were different with him. He was different.
You sighed as you lugged your purse and walked down the dark hallway. Despite that fact that you had been working at the DEO for over six months, the forensics department was still quite creepy after hours.
What difference did it make? You were on call in case anything happened...
You soon made it to the break room near your friend Lonnie’s office. Surprisingly, the light was on.
‘What in the hell?’
Quietly you snuck up to the door and peered to see who was inside.
A tall being with green skin and a long blue cape stood at the coffee machine as it drained the caffeinated liquid into a paper cup.
The being was clearly an alien, and he looked to be male.
Still, virtually all of the other DEO members besides Supergirl were human.
‘Should I call the police?’ You thought to yourself.
The being then froze and stood at attention, and you swiftly ducked back into the Lonnie’s office to avoid being caught.
You held your breath and remained as quiet as humanly possible as the alien slowly walked in.
Then, the light was flipped on.
“You can come out Ms. (Y/N), everything is fine.”
Furrowing your brow, you stepped out from behind Lonnie’s lab cabinet to see Director Henshaw there.
“Director Henshaw? What are you doing in this forensics wings so late?”
“Nothing,” he replied, “I was merely getting coffee.
Your confusion increased at he drank the hot liquid from a paper cup.
“Wait a minute - if you have the coffee, then who-?”
Director Henshaw’s body briefly glowed red as if shifted into the alien from before.
“Forgive me for startling you,” he said, his reverberating voice now ten times deeper than before, “The dining hall’s coffee machine is subpar. The one in this wing is much better.”
“No problem,” you said, your eyes wide.
The alien chuckled slightly at your expression, “Yes, Ms. (Y/N). I am an alien, as you can see.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Um...where are you from?”
“Mars.”
A Martian. Wow.
Still, you couldn’t resist putting your foot in your mouth.
“I thought y’all were supposed to be little.”
To your surprise, the Martian started laughing.
“No,” he chuckled, “Many of us Martian males used to be quite tall. I would have been average height.”
“Used to be...?”
His smile faded, “Yes, before the invasion.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry,” you said.
Even if his face was now harsher in nature, his red eyes still softened as he smiled once again.
“It’s fine,” he said, “Even aliens cannot grasp the concept of peace it seems.”
“Well you can’t be any worse than us humans so...”
The Martian laughed again, “Perhaps not.”
“So since you’re really from outer space, I assume your name isn’t really Hank Henshaw.”
He smiled, “You are correct. My name is J’onn J’onzz. It is nice to finally meet for real this time.”
“J’onn J’onzz...hi.”
He laughed, “Well my coffee is cold now and I still have forty-five minutes for break. Would you care to join me?”
“Oh um...sure.”
You fell hard for him after that night, and he fell even harder for you.
Over time the talks in the break room led to longing looks across the room during briefings, which then led to discreet kisses in the hall, and then to clandestine meetings in the forsensic storage room during business hours.
Now, the eve of Saint Valentine’s martyrdom had come upon you, and finally the two of you had the day to yourselves.
The wind whipped through your afro puff as J’onn drove you down a long but peaceful road in his 1952 Chevrolet Deluxe convertible.
The trees ocassionally blotted out the sun but it was still bright. Your eyes drifted past each of them, their green leaves and earthy limbs blending together into one natural mass as the speed of J’onn’s car turned the curb.
You loved it when J’onn would take you to his place via the country route. Sure, National City was nice and you wouldn’t sacrifice it for anything, but it was serene being out alone with the love of your life - even if he wasn’t human.
Still, a part of you felt...unsatisfied. Your relationship was romantic, but never overly physical.
Most of your secret meetings between you and J’onn in the storage rooms ended up being interrupted when he had to return to work, but even then there was something missing.
He never held you down and tortured you until you were crying for him. He never threw you against the bed and tied you up before taking you in the vilest and most indecent way possible. He never took it to the next level like you wanted him to.
It was - quite literally, anticlimactic.
Still, you loved him and that meant that you had to wait.
Dammit.
“Darling,” J’onn’s deep voice asked, interrupting your train of thought as he covered your hand with his, “Is everything alright?”
You nodded, “Mhmm. Yeah. M’fine.”
J’onn knew you were lying, “(Y/N)...what’s wrong?”
Again, you lied, “Nothing. I’m okay, really.”
A fleck of concern shot off in J’onn’s chest, but he thought it best to leave it alone and let you come to him.
“Let’s play some music,” you said, turning up the radio.
A familiar tune played.
No, not the most subtle song to play on February 14th, but it was your favorite.
J’onn’s eyes picqued with interest, “You like that song?”
“Um...yeah. It has a nice rhythm,” you lied, giving a quick smile before looking away.
J’onn listened to the lyrics.
I need a rider To go down and slide up I hope you can handle a shift stick, babe 'Cause you gotta drive it (Ooh) Girl, don't try to fight it When I'm all up inside it (All up in it) You shiftin' the gears on my stick shift, babe You got me excited (Oh, oh)
It was then that everything came together.
The way your legs squeezed together, how tightly you were holding his hand, the manner in which you bit your lip...
I bet you ride so good, yeah Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out I bet you ride so good Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out
My naughty little girl is aroused, he thought, resisting the urge to laugh.
A familiar scent hit his nose when you crossed your legs, and a dark smirk crossed his lips.
Don’t worry my love, he thought, We shall have plenty of time to play tonight.
“This is delicious,” J’onn commented, chewing a piece of pasta.
“Thanks,” you replied politely, sipping your wine.
You had agreed to make dinner, which consisted of spaghetti, vegetables, wine and rose petals to decorate the table.
J’onn was a simple man. He liked it.
“I have something for you,” J’onn said.
“Oh?”
“Yes. We have been together for about three months so...I wanted to get you something.”
J’onn uses his powers to float a small giftwrapped box across the table, which you plucked from the air.
Opening it, you gasped.
“The bracelet from Vanika’s,” you said, lifting the shiny silver object out of the case and holding it up to the light.
“I noticed you eyeing it in the store a couple of weeks ago,” he said, “Do you like it?”
“I love it,” you answered, “It’s beautiful.”
J’onn’s smile faded, “But it’s not what you want.”
“What?”
“The bracelet,” he said, “It’s not what you wanted.”
“What are you talking about?”
“(Y/N), I know that something is bothering you. I noticed earlier during our ride home, but I left it alone hoping you would come to me. You want something, and I can see it. Tell me what you want.”
You sighed, “I can’t...”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s embarrassing,” you answered.
“There is nothing you can tell me that should make you embarrassed,” J’onn replied seriously, “We are in a relationship - one where you are to tell me everything, you understand?”
You nodded.
“Good. Now,” J’onn said, getting out of his chair and coming to lean over you, “Tell me what you want.”
“I...I have these thoughts...about us.”
“Elaborate,” J’onn said patiently.
“They involve...us - having sex.”
A moment of silence passed and you waited for J’onn to be disgusted at your eagerness to get him between your legs.
“What kind of sex?”
“The dirty kind.”
“How dirty?”
“Very dirty.”
“Give me details.”
“I want...I want you to be rough...to pull me to the bedroom and...spank me,” you said contritely, “I want you to tie me to the bed and ruin me in the nastiest ways possible-”
J’onn turned away from you, walking a few paces and breathing to calm his nerves.
Oh no, you had upset him.
“J’onn...?”
Another moment of of silence.
“Take off your clothes.”
You furrowed your brow, “What?”
“I said,” J’onn growled, turning to you with glowing red eyes, “Take off your damn clothes.”
You swiftly got up from your seat and disrobed until you were naked.
“Good girl,” J’onn said, “Now, go to the bedroom and wait for me.”
“But-”
“This is not up for debate,” J’onn growled, “Now be a good girl, and do as I say. Go and wait for me.”
You nodded and practically ran to the bedroom.
A few minutes later, J’onn walked into the room with his true visage, wearing nothing over his green skin. In his hand were several ropes made into lassos.
“So you wish to be fucked, huh? Nice and rough? Very well, my dear. I think I can make that happen.”
“J’onn, what are you-”
“Silence,” the alien commanded, “For the rest of this night, you belong to me. Now, turn around, get on all fours and spread your legs and arms.”
You obeyed and bit your lip, and your boyfriend quickly tied your wrists and ankles down.
“So,” J’onn said, “Since this is what you wanted, I am going to ask you several questions. You will answer them honestly.”
“Or what?”
“Or you will face the punishment.”
You silenced yourself as J’onn started his line of questioning.
“Tell me, my love,” he spoke, “How long have you wanted this?”
“Since January.”
“Good. You answered honestly.”
You gasped when you felt his index intrude inside of you.
“Whoops,” J’onn said, “My hand must have slipped.”
You bit your lip as he inspected you, curling his finger up and finding your favorite spot with almost surgical precision.
A familiar wet sound became louder and louder as J’onn made you cum, the gasps and moans escaping your throat arousing him more and more.
Once he had finished you, he briefly stepped back to look at his handy work.
“My,” the Martian breathed, sucking on his fingers, “You are truly beautiful.”
“And still horny,” you answered, breathing heavily, “I can take much more.”
“Oh my love, we’ve barely gotten started.”
J’onn pulled your folds apart, “Look. She’s practically crying for me already.”
Your lip was damn near bleeding now...
“Oh well. We’ll just have to fix that, won’t we?”
A second passed, and then -
SCHLUKK!
You let out a surprised squeal and whipped your head around to see J’onn sampling your juices on his tongue.
“You wanna taste too?”
“Yes,” the Martian answered patiently, “And I will have my fill. And I do not recall giving you permission to turn around. Eyes forward, my love.”
“Yes,” you said, turning back around.
“Yes what?”
“Yes daddy.”
“Good. Now you remember what I said earlier, I intend to have you for the rest of the night. Do you consent to that?”
“Yes daddy.”
“And if you are uncomfortable in any way, you are to use our safe word: Oreo. Understand?”
“Yes daddy.”
“Excellent. Now you do understand that I love you, yes?”
“Yes daddy.”
You gasped when J’onn pulled you back by your hair, and the two words he whispered in your left ear shot straight down to you lower regions.
“Good girl.”
J’onn then got back into his previous position and got to work.
His hands, his tongue...he played you like a fiddle and you loved it.
Soon, your face was sinking deep into your bed, your pillow capturing your moans along with the thin layer of sweat that J’onn’s caresses and flicks had coaxed from you.
“Done already (Y/N)? I’m disappointed.”
You lurched forward when his hands pulled you back against his pelvis, and your eyes widened when you felt something long and slimy grow between your folds.
“Is that -?”
“Mhmm. Still wish to continue?”
You nodded, breathing as deeply as possible.
“I need words, darling,” J’onn said, planting kisses up your spine.
“For the love of God - YES.”
“Much better!” J’onn shouted joyously.
I need a rider To go down and slide up I hope you can handle a shift stick, babe 'Cause you gotta drive it (Ooh)
He thrusted inside of you...
Girl, don't try to fight it When I'm all up inside it (All up in it) You shiftin' the gears on my stick shift, babe You got me excited (Oh, oh)
He rode you like a horse...
I bet you ride so good, yeah Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out I bet you ride so good Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out
Soon you were out of your binds and bobbing on top of him, the two of you having no care for how loud you were.
Boy you got me workin', overtime Soakin' wet, I'm a Slip N' Slide You say you want some breakfast, let me open wide Eat it up, tickle up my spine Run back, side to side, stick shift, overdrive Boy, you tryna give that pussy new interior design Bangin', bangin', wake up in it, I'ma put my back into it No Netflix, we makin' movies, I'ma let you watch me do it
He took you missionary style with his hand around your neck...
I need a rider To go down and slide up I hope you can handle a shift stick, babe 'Cause you gotta drive it (Ooh) Girl, don't try to fight it When I'm all up inside it (All up in it) You shiftin' the gears on my stick shift, babe
In front of the mirror...
I bet you ride so good, yeah Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out I bet you ride so good, yeah, yeah Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out
Against the wall...
I get those goosebumps every time You hit it from behind, the way we bump and grind You love the way I grind on that dick, grind on that dick Yeah, climb on that dick, glide on that dick Big titties in the front seat, ass in the back Throw it like a pitcher, baby, hit it with your bat (Skrrt, skrrt, skrrt) I be on that freak shit (Skrrt, skrrt, skrrt) Bust it for no reason
In the shower...
I need a rider To go down and slide up I hope you can handle a shift stick, babe 'Cause you gotta drive it (Ooh) Girl, don't try to fight it When I'm all up inside it (All up in it) You shiftin' the gears on my stick shift, babe You got me excited (Oh, oh)
Even on the ceiling...
I bet you ride so good, yeah Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out I bet you ride so good, yeah, yeah Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out Oh, let me bang it, oh, let me bang it out
I bet you ride, yeah
“That was...wow,” you mumbled, settling your head into J’onn’s neck.
“Glad you enjoyed it,” he replied, rubbing the goosebumps in your back as the two of you laid over sheets that needed to be washed after so many rounds of fucking.
“I didn’t know the Martian Manhunter was such a skilled lover.”
“Neither did I. Apparently I am - what you humans call, a dominant.”
“And I am a submissive.”
“My submissive,” J’onn confirmed, kissing your forehead.
“We have to get up for work in the morning,” you groaned.
“Then let us just enjoy this night,” he replied, “And dream of the others to come.”
“Hey guys,” you greeted, rushing into DEO headquarters, “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s fine,” Supergirl replied, “And is that the bracelet from Vanika’s new Valentine’s Day line?”
“Yup,” you bragged, showing her the sparkly adornment on your wrist.
“It’s gorgeous! Where’d you get it?”
“My man brought it for me.”
“Aww that’s so sweet.”
“I know! We had the most wonderful time. I don’t wanna get into specifics, but let’s just say - he wore me out.”
“Ladies,” Director Henshaw greeted, coming up to you both.
“Director,” you replied politely.
“Good morning. Did you both do anything special for Valentine’s Day?”
“(Y/N) went out with her boyfriend and I stayed in and watched soap operas,” Supergirl answered.
“Glamourous,” Henshaw commented, sipping his coffee.
“And you, what did you do?” You asked, with a shit-eating grin on your face.
“Or better yet...who did you do?”
J’onn narrowed his eyes playfully, reading your thoughts as you expected him to, “I spent time with a lady friend of mine.”
“Ooooooh did she enjoy her time?” Supergirl asked, her blue eyes sparkling with interest.
“Yes,” J’onn replied, “So much so that she could barely speak.”
“Aww that’s great. Well I have to go train with Alex. I’ll see you two later!”
Soon, Supergirl was gone and you walked to your office with a smirk on your face and your nose in the air.
“Your ass is mine later,” J’onn spoke in your head.
You grinned, “Can’t wait, daddy.”
Author’s Note: And that is all everyone! Hope y’all like it, and please comment. All opinions are welcome!
@lovelynervouschaos @macfizzle @cynbx @efikarta @coconutxraikage @shemiahsmelanin @jozigrrl @fanfic-reblog-central @icycoldbeanieweanies @siriuslycollins @bethany-zor-el-danvers @avengerdragoness @margaretheriques @wholokianheart @kakess3 @bribrisback
#martian manhunter x reader#martian manhunter x black!reader#supergirl imagine#j'onn j'onzz x reader#j'onn j'onzz x black!reader#romance fic
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This was supposed to be a snippet, @voxiferous! What the hell happened to my brain! I am so sorry! (And if you’re okay with this I’ll post it to AO3 later?) (Also yes, that’s the song for today, from me)
Credits: Lisa Macuja in La Bayadere // Cross My Heart by DAY-BREAK
ninemoons42 writes: cry havoc and kick up your heels
Spring, coil, flex, and he literally hears the words in Ignis’s voice and he can’t be mad, can’t fault the other man, because the words really do help, but -- maybe not when he suddenly switches back from the kind of thinking that lives in his bones and nerves and pure skin-knowledge to the kind of thinking that lives mostly in his mind, and that not always attached to the rest of him: he’s coming down, he’s falling fast, the high evaporates, and he hits the floor on flexed feet and bent knees and -- he growls, and says, “Stop playback,” and the music in the room cuts off on the voice command.
Fuck’s sakes, Noctis Lucis Caelum thinks, and very carefully keeps his gaze locked on his turned-out feet. It’s just a delay. It’s just a small setback, all things considered. It’s a damned accident, and nothing more. The world will keep, and he’ll keep going. It’s bad fucking luck. Ravus Nox Fleuret will make a full recovery in two months. Things will get back on track.
So now Noctis can’t dance and now Noctis can’t concentrate, either, not long enough to hang on to the same damned warmup routine he’s been following for the past year.
Beneath his feet the wooden planking creaks gently, softly, almost reassuringly. Dark-gray knots and burls in fine-planed honey-colored wood, the grain still mostly free of the little cracks and craters left behind by too many practicing feet, too many hard landings.
He sits, hard, and curls up into a small tight knot of misery and muscle, and in the process he catches sight of himself in the three mirrored walls and he sees a small boy, a miserable boy, hunched over and trying not to cry, reflected and reflected again. Infinity of images, his own childhood instead of who and what he is now, every other step like distilled agony as he learned to get back on his feet, and this is bad, if he’s flashing back to that part of his life when he’s here in a safe space.
Maybe Luna is right, after all, and he has to stop dancing for a few days.
He certainly isn’t going to do himself any favors, if he winds up injuring himself through careless practice, and then he’ll go down as Ravus did and for the same damned reasons, and he might as well forget about doing the show completely, and that will be six years of groundwork and heartbreak and joy and pain and truths with teeth in them, all gone, all gone forever, worse for having missed its moment.
He sobs, once, and tells himself he’s okay.
Thump, from somewhere nearby.
Thump. Thump. Again and again and again.
He leans into the sound, grateful, trying to figure out what it is, and the synapses in his mind fire and fire again, filtering, and -- definitely a human body, he thinks, someone is definitely moving around and making those sounds. Resilient, for the most part, except when there’s a harder or a softer sound and, and. It sounds like being out of practice, and Noctis hides his smile in his knees and his crossed arms, his smile and his sympathy, because: whoever is making those sounds is expressing exactly how he feels right now, and he’s grateful.
Grateful enough that he realizes he’s being rude, using someone else’s dancing practice to sort his own tangled knots of feeling out, and that person entirely unknowing, therefore being used.
Noctis has been used too many times in his life -- short as that life is and has been -- and he’s not going to keep on using this person.
He’s going to get up and thank them, now.
And he glances at himself in the mirror, and there’s nothing to be done for the sweat and the spikes in his hair, the remnants of an outbreak of zits below his right ear, the gnarled knots in his hands, the ruin of his feet with the callouses and the too-visible veins.
Soft bedroom slippers on, fuzzy fur lining and houndstooth check, and he wraps the dark green fleece blanket that he carries around with him everywhere around his shoulders. Damned drafty dance studios anyway. Out the door of his practice room, and he closes one eye, follows the thumps as they peter off and --
There’s the only open door, halfway down the corridor. No one is mad enough to come to this place on the outskirts of the city at some ungodly hour just past sunrise, and he’s only here himself because he’d gotten out of his bed and the clutch of the nightmares and he’d refused to go back to sleep, and he has keys to this place and he knows the owner, because that owner is named Ignis Scientia.
He’s actually half-expecting Ignis himself to be at the barre. Wouldn’t put it past him.
But he steps into the open doorway and -- that’s not Ignis, not even by any stretch of the imagination.
For one thing, it’s been years since Ignis hung up his pointe shoes.
For another, Ignis doesn’t wear his glasses when he practices.
The guy in the room is dressed in such a strange clash of everything that Noctis almost forgets to breathe, cataloging.
Splash of red-green-black-yellow in the unbuttoned plaid shirt over white dancing clothes, but the thing that catches Noctis’s attention is the clean line of the man’s body, as he breathes and balances and lifts himself, all his weight on one leg and then he carefully rises on to his toes, so he would actually be addressing the door and the people watching near it, if he were looking up.
Noctis watches him straighten his knees and shoulders, and flick out the hand he’s holding over his head, so the fingers fan out into a sort of winged shape. His other hand he holds just at the level of his own eyes, and he flicks that, too, fingers splayed out.
Steady, steady, one foot on the ground, and the one in the air moves, hair’s-breadths, up and up and the man bends a little at the hip to accommodate that rise, to stay gracefully balanced, till that leg in the air is straight out and the top of his foot is turned completely in Noctis’s direction.
Irrationally Noctis thinks of the impossibly petite maestra he’d only met once, at fortysomething only thinking of going into retirement, and still able to wring joyful tears from her adoring audiences -- Kitri had been one of her signature roles, one she’d recently and tearfully had to leave behind, and the man in the practice room has almost got the right tilt in his head to be playing that tragic role, if only it hadn’t been for the clench in his jaw line, and the heavy frames of his eyeglasses.
But as if the man had been reading his thoughts: the man wobbles, and his nose scrunches up, and he suddenly sneezes -- the sound echoes in the practice room, and the man groans, laughs, falls easily out of his pose. “Fucking,” the man begins, with a soft snort.
And his eyes come up.
Noctis is treated to a bright blue-eyed stare that the glasses can’t hope at all to contain, and a red flush appearing all at once in freckled cheeks and -- shoulders, of all the things.
But those eyes sweep up and down and he’s not ashamed of his blanket or his slippers and -- the man laughs, bending back a little over his feet in fifth position. “Nice outfit.”
Hearty and sweet and not unkind at all.
“Same to you,” Noctis says, and allows himself a grin. “With that plaid and all.”
“It keeps me warm. I’m cold all the time.” That flush surges again. “You watching long? You gonna tell me something’s wrong with, I dunno, my knees or my shoulders?”
He’s smiling, but his shoulders are coming up, moving up, and Noctis holds his hands up, palms facing out. “Critique is not what I came here for. Who wants to do that at fuck o’clock in the morning anyway? I came here because I wanted to -- thank you.”
Blink. Blink.
Those blue eyes are very distracting, he thinks, with the emotions he can almost see clearly.
“What’d I do, except -- fuck up Kitri?”
“I never said anything about fucking anything up. You were practicing,” Noctis says, honestly. “And I was -- fucking everything up my own self. So I listened to you. You sounded like you knew what you were doing.”
The man laughs again.
But this time it’s a broken small laugh.
“You’re a little late, aren’t you? That was me pretty much five years ago. So not the me of today. I don’t know what I’m doing. I didn’t even know why I wanted to try and do Kitri, a little. I haven’t danced in five years.”
“With your form like that?” With difficulty Noctis swallows his surprise.
Shrug, that only looks careless.
And the way he turns away, the corner of his lip coming crooked and sad.
Noctis clenches his hand into a fist.
And says, “I’ll be right back.”
Runs back to his practice room and picks up his music player and hustles, and he throws the little device at the blond -- he picks the heavy square and its trailing wires out of the air, easily, and tilts his head. “And?”
“Play,” Noctis says: voice command.
Swish and flurry of cymbals and synths, and a driving rhythm of electric guitars, and the music is enough to fill up this half of the practice room.
Maybe enough for the two of them.
Noctis steps into the room, fully, and tilts his head as the melody develops and the vocalist begins to sing: “Come on, just – move.
“Dance with me.”
He begins with the sweep of his leg and his hand, whirling, trying to express the song -- he only knows what it means because he looked up a translation of the lyrics -- and he’s leaping and twirling into the deceptive chorus, even-keeled but there are such currents beneath the words, and --
On the last line of the refrain the blond pushes into his space, catches up his hands, and into the bridge -- they’re dancing, together, and one moment Noctis leads, the next he’s easily yielding, the two of them leaping and breaking together, freestyling without any form of second-guessing, and he breaks away to fly out into a series of jetes and his partner leaps beautifully after him --
When the refrain rolls around again he takes the man’s hand and whirls him around, guides him through an improvised pas de deux, and -- the moment is broken when he fumbles the last step and the blond just laughs and springs away into one more pirouette -- apparently just for the hell of it.
And Noctis is grinning, and feels the stretch of that grin all the way down into his toes. The warmth of the man’s hands, the flyaway lines of his hair. “That form,” Noctis says. “That’s what I was talking about. You’re good, and more than that, you’re talented.”
“And I know who you are, and what you mean when you talk about form,” is the response. “You’re not bullshitting me, are you? Noctis Caelum?”
“I really am not. I have literally no reason to,” he says, as open as he can make himself be. “And I don’t know who you are, so I don’t have any reason to be an asshole, either.”
“I’m no one,” is the response, sliversharp grin still fixed on that mouth. “Just -- someone from out there. Prompto Argentum’s the name.”
“Well you need to dance, Prompto,” Noctis says. “Seems you can’t not. Five years is nothing. You’ve got something in you that you need to let out and this is the only place you can do it.”
To his relief, Prompto’s rigid smile falls away, relaxes, into something more real. Freckles stippling the corners of his mouth. “You probably know that one just as well as I do.”
Noctis nods, once.
Wills him to believe it.
#fic: mine#voxiferous#dance for your life AU#pairing: promptis#character: Prompto Argentum#character: Noctis Lucis Caelum
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A L L O R N O T H I N G
@atomsmute @sonofodin56
for this! (thanks, guys! this kept me busy today while i was in render hell for six hours. they’re under the readmore!)
1) a song you can listen to on repeat
Dark Days by PUP! I actually frequently do listen to it on repeat during my commute.
2) a song from one of your favorite albums
Style - Taylor Swift (1989 is such a good album)
3) a song you loved when you were a teenager or kid
I Write Sins Not Tragedies came into my life when I was about nine and it’s never left.
Shit’s Gonna Be OK by I Fight Dragons was one I listened to a lot in high school, I don’t listen to the band as much anymore but I still love them.
4) a song that makes you feel strong
The Bullpen by Dessa. It’s all about being a woman in a male dominated field and I relate.
Looking Up -SafetySuit (”I say they’re looking up, Take on whatever ‘cause I’m feeling tough, You say I’m going down but I’m feeling so fine”)
5) a song that makes you sad
Miscarriage by Said the Whale. Absolutely gutted me when I heard it for the first time, doubly so when Tyler talked about it at the concert in May.
Fiddler’s Green by The Tragically Hip. It was actually played at my cousin’s funeral.
Spanish Sahara by Foals.
6) a song that cheers you up
Looking Up - SafetySuit !!!! please listen to it it is the best happy song I know it’s on this list twice just let me have this one
Demons / Get Better / Reasons Not To Be An Idiot, all by Frank Turner
Graveclothes by Birdtalker
A Little Rain (Song for Pete) - Arkells
7) a song that reminds you of your friend(s)
I Will Follow You Into The Dark has been one of mine and Emma’s songs for a lot of years.
Watermark by The Weakerthans reminds me so much of my core #squad, mainly because of the “we’re talented and bright, we’re lonely and uptight, we’ve found some lovely ways to disappoint” lyrics
Also the entirety of Fall Out Boy’s American Beauty/American Psycho album is always gonna remind me of going to Calgary Expo with Mickie and Emma (and Shayda) but especially Favourite Record.
8) a song that reminds you of an ex partner or crush
Paris by Magic Man (“now darling, all that shit’s behind us, you never have to wonder, you never have to ask”)
The Way I Tend To Be by Frank Turner (“and then I catch myself catching your scent on someone else, in a crowded space, and it takes me somewhere I cannot quite place” -one of my former crushes/partners had a v distinct smell, not in a gross way or anything, but just a smell that was theirs and sometimes I still catch a whiff of it)
9) a song that reminds you of yourself
Four Simple Words - Frank Turner (”this is my culture man, this is my home” in reference to concerts!! it’s just a v important song to me and when i saw it live it was so fucking incredible.)
Cardboard Castles - Watsky (”I’m still dreaming after all these years”)
Bonus “I wish this described me”/ ideal aesthetic song: Swooner - The Zolas
10) a song that brings back bad memories
Also kind of Get Better- it’s a bittersweet memory, I saw Frank Turner live with someone who isn’t my life anymore (for a very good reason) but at the time he was one of my best friends and we made eye contact and smiled at each other as Frank sang “the best people I know are looking out for me” and in the moment it was the best but now it makes me sad.
11) a song that brings back good memories
Wish I Knew You by the Revivalists was on in the car when I found a murder hamlet on a late night drive to go stargazing with two very dear friends of mine who I haven’t known for very long so the “wish I knew you when I was young” lyric is pretty perfect and whenever I hear it I think about that night and it makes me happy even though I don’t even like the song that much.
12) a song that grew on you
Take It All Back by Judah & The Lion. Did not like it at all when I first heard it. But then I got really into it. I was going to go to their show last spring but my ID didn’t come in time so I couldn’t, my sister sold her ticket but not mine so I just lost that money. Still kinda sad about that one.
13) a song from a musical
Dead Girl Walking from Heathers. I sing it in the shower aaaaaaall the time.
14) a song with a great music video
Escape Artist- The Zolas (pls just watch it)
Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko (im gay)
Genghis Khan - Miike Snow
15) a song that’s better as a cover
Hurt - Johnny Cash (sorry not sorry, nine inch nails)
16) a song that’s better acoustic
And Then Some by Arkells. The acoustic version is swoonworthy. (and not that much different from the original but still!!)
17) a song with great lyrics
Tiny Glowing Screens, pt 2- Watsky. Technically a poem but (shrug emoji). Super powerful, and one of my favourite moments of my trip to France a few years back wasn’t in France, it was on the plane there, when everyone else was asleep and this song came up on shuffle and I listened to it while I looked out the window.
18) a song for summer
Anna Sun- Walk The Moon & The Suburbs - Arcade Fire.
Both were on constant rotation during the summers I was 14-16, and they remind me really strongly of a former best friend that I still talk to but am not as close with anymore, and all of the shenanigans we got up to.
19) a song for heartache
Mittens - Frank Turner
20) a song for car rides
One Foot - Walk The Moon. If I go on any friend roadtrips this summer it is for sure gonna be on the playlist
If You Wanna - The Vaccines is also just a really good roadtrip montage type song I think.
Also Ways To Go by Grouplove.
21) a song for the rain
Beautiful Morning - Said the Whale. It literally starts with “it’s raining, it’s pouring”, lol)
The Great Collapse - The Zolas (v good rainy day vibe)
22) a song for dancing
I Got You by Hollerado
Get Dark by the Zolas
Canyon Moon by Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness (the chorus is TOO GOOD)
Confidence by Said the Whale
Kiss The Misfits by Felix Hagan & The Family
23) a song for making out
I Wanna Be Yours/ Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You/ Knee Socks - Arctic Monkeys (I’ve never made out with anyone but like. C'mon.)
24) a song for a lover
The Light is You - Said the Whale. I’ve wanted it to be the first dance song at my wedding for as long as I can remember.
Norway - The Paper Tigers. It’s just really effing cute.
25) a song from before you were born
After Hours - The Velvet Underground
26) a song from a band that’s no longer together
Watch The Sky - Something Corporate
27) a song you’ve seen live
Hey Jude - The Beatles (when I saw Paul McCartney!)
Raised by The Radio - Mitch Rossell (I’d never heard of him before I saw him open for Garth Brooks but I loved him. i was born and raised on music, it’s always been such a huge part of my life, and this song describes that feeling) (i can’t find a recording of this song on youtube so the link is spotify im sorry)
Lilac And Willow - Said the Whale. I remember listening to the album for the first time and thinking “I’m so excited to see this one live” and it lived up to expectations in every way, Ben’s voice is so good and distinctive and comforting.
28) a song you want to see live
I’d literally kill to see Hey I Want You by Felix Hagan & The Family live. It would be so much fun.
Black and Blue by Miike Snow (I missed them when they were in town D:)
29) a song by a band you don’t usually like
Closer - The Chainsmokers (& Halsey). Most Chainsmokers stuff is just… meh.
30) a song you recommend
Blossom - Milky Chance. It’s been my go to for a couple weeks now
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Hey guys! The next chapter of my Olicity Arrow/BTVS xover is now up! It went a little crazy on me...lol. I would love to know what you think!
Chapter Summary: Felicity finds herself dealing with a new unexpected aspect of her life and Oliver has to deal with her as she rides it out. The two finally get a chance to talk, but while Felicity may be left frustrated Oliver is confident it's for the best.
Rating: M (for language so far)
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!...except my original characters and their imaginary organization... :-)
HERE GOES!
Felicity was jumping out of her own skin. She was literally bouncing up and down. Her mind was going a million miles a minute, her heart was pounding, and her whole body was buzzing. She was buzz buzz buzzing like a bee, or a live wire, or a...really buzzy vampire slayer. She tried humming inside her head, she tried humming out loud (that got her bitched at by Roy because apparently 'Can't Get You Out of My Head' was not an appropriate post-fight anthem), and then she just settled for trying her very best not to look like a crazy person. From the smirks her mentors had been sending her way, Felicity was pretty sure she failed harder at that than Oliver had at Harvard.
Felicity winced at the mean thought. Oliver was her friend and she knew he wasn't stupid. He'd been an asshat who'd never really applied himself in college, but he definitely wasn't stupid. Which was totally beside the point at the moment because who cared about Oliver's old college transcripts? She'd killed two VAMPIRES tonight! HER! Felicity 'I'm Tech Support' Smoak!
“Lissy, you still in there?” Meredith drawled.
Felicity jerked and looked to her cousin. She nodded quickly. “Yep, still right here.”
The tiny brunette eyed her warily from where she was leaning against the bar. The whole gang stood around. They had debriefed and reviewed and Dare had talked about lesson plans for moving forward. Felicity probably should have paid more attention to that, but buzzzzzzz...she really really needed to do something but she didn't know what! She was going to explode!
“I said Cross said I can crash here tonight,” Meredith told her, “and they might give me a job.”
Cross lifted a brow. “I don't remember mentioning a job.”
“Eh...” Meredith shook her hand back and forth, “you were getting around to it. I can't be worse than Ryder. I'm psycho about being on time.”
“Ryder doesn't drink himself under the bar,” Dare pointed out. “Our bartenders are dry. You want the job? You quit drinking.” Meredith threw him a nasty glare, but the Pure just grinned and blew her a kiss.
Felicity frowned and bit her lip. “You don't want to stay with me? I'm supposed to look after you!”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Oliver said at the same time as he reached out and rested his hand on Felicity's back. “Meredith staying here for the night, that is.”
She jumped at the contact and cut her eyes his way. She tried to glare, but then she got distracted by his eyes...those blue blue eyes...and those thick lashes...and his nose was kinda cute now that she looked at it. Not feminine cute, but more manly cute...was there a manly cute? She decided there was definitely a manly cute because everything about Oliver was manly. So he had a manly cute nose and then there were his lips...those full strong lips that she wanted to bite and...
“I'd like to keep an eye on Felicity tonight, if she's willing,” he cocked a brow at her.
And DAMN, that was so hot, and was he actually expecting a response right now that wasn't drool or more catchy song lyrics? She could sing him some really dirty Ludacris if pressed, but that was about all she had. Her brain was so fried. She just blinked up at him and refused to let her eyes drop back to his mouth. He would totally notice and that would be inappropriate...inappropriate and unprofessional. Oliver was not a piece of meat!
“I thought you might,” Meredith stepped forward and poked Oliver hard in the chest. “But I've been catching up with Little Red over there,” she hooked her thumb in Roy's direction, “and you better handle with care, Ollie. I don't give three strikes. I give one. You fuck this up and I'll fuck you up. Understood?”
Felicity didn't know what her cousin was talking about. She frowned at Roy. Meredith already hated Oliver based purely off his reputation. She didn't need any help from the team gossip. The red archer smirked and shrugged.
Oliver slid his hand from her back to around her waist, pulling her attention back to him. He guided her into a turn and led the way toward the door of the club and outside to his car.
Felicity was still confused as she slid into the passenger seat and buckled the safety belt. She turned to Oliver. “I'm...very...” her words trailed off and she frowned.
“Buzzed, Felicity,” Oliver finished for her. “You're buzzed. It's the adrenaline. It will wear off and you'll crash.” He started the car and drove the familiar route toward her townhouse.
“Is that why I can't sit still?”
“Yes,” he said.
“And why I can't think straight?”
“Yes,” he said again.
Felicity took in slow deep breaths and counted as she blew them out. She tried to focus on calming down. Judging from her bouncing foot and shaky hands, it wasn't working. She looked around for something, anything, to focus on. Her eyes snagged on Oliver's hands gripping the steering wheel. She watched them clench and release as he maneuvered. His fingers slid across the leather and Felicity could feel the ghost of his caress against her back. His hands were so strong, so capable, and yet he was always gentle when he was touching her. What would it feel like when those fingers slid into other places? Felicity's breath hitched in her throat.
“Felicity...” Oliver groaned.
“What?” She bit her lip guiltily and jerked her eyes to his face.
His jaw was clenched and he stared at the road in front of them. “We have a lot to talk about.”
Felicity's jaw dropped. “You want to TALK, right now?”
Oliver huffed a laugh. “That's not what I meant, Felicity.”
“Well good,” Felicity nodded, “because I'm working really hard to string together sentences that don't include vulgar rap lyrics about whistles and lollipops.” She groaned and banged her head back against the seat. “It would probably be better if I just didn't speak at all, but that doesn't seem to be an option. Is this what it's like to be high? Why would people do this willingly?”
“It can feel really good to lose control if you give in to it,” Oliver said.
Felicity felt a flash of heat through her whole body. Her mouth went dry. She looked back to Oliver.
He grimaced and shifted in his seat. “Which we are not going to do...because we have a lot of things to talk about and I'm not going to take advantage of you.”
Felicity scoffed. “You almost kissed me on a mission, Oliver! A MISSION! When did you grow scruples?” She thought back to the charity dinner and suddenly she wished they'd just kissed already and gotten the damn thing over with. Oliver totally wouldn't be playing the gentleman card right now if this wasn't their first go round. He was Oliver frackin' Queen! He'd banged half the women in Starling! Why was she so different?
“You aren't in your right mind, Felicity,” Oliver tried to reason with her.
The slayer snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. She knew she wasn't being fair, but for once, she didn't frackin' care. “Oh please! Like it's a secret that I want you ALL the time. I'm a fangirl surrounded by hotness, Oliver. And unlike Laurel, who is some strange breed of female immune to such things unless she's in heat or something, I have spent the last year and a half dreaming up smutty smutty sex scenes in my head while I was supposed to be focused on finding your next target.”
“I can't,” Oliver sighed and blew out a long breath, “I can't fuck this up, Felicity. I can't lose you.”
“You aren't going to lose me,” she argued.
“You deserve better than some adrenaline fueled quickie.”
Felicity scoffed and rolled her eyes. “It never stopped you with Sara.”
“YOU AREN'T SARA!” Oliver growled. He jerked the car to the side of the road and threw it into park. He turned to face her in the seat and she could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves. “I love Sara, Felicity. I always will.”
Felicity jerked her face to the side and stared out the window. That certainly cooled her ardor.
Oliver reached out and grabbed her chin in his hand. He turned her face back in his direction and waited until she met his stare. Felicity ground her teeth and did her best to look unaffected. Oliver squeezed his eyes shut to calm himself and then continued. “I will always love Sara. What we went through together on that island formed a bond between us that no one else will ever understand. We're both broken, Felicity, and a lot of our broken edges fit together in just the right ways. We understand each other...we both know just how fucked up the other is...and we don't judge each other for it.”
Felicity's hands shook, but she buried them by her sides. She blinked at him and kept her face blank. “That's great.”
Oliver's eyes narrowed and he huffed. “I have never, however, been IN love with Sara, Felicity. Not before the island, not on the island, and not after.”
Felicity jerked, but Oliver refused to let go of her. He shook his head. “Uh uh, not until I'm finished....not until you listen to me and you understand.” He paused until she met his eyes again. “Sara and I should never have gotten involved...either time. Before the island I was a coward and an asshole running away from a relationship that I couldn't even admit to myself I didn't want. I wasn't ready to move in with Laurel. Laurel and I didn't work. I cheated and lied and ran away and she enabled me and took me back over and over and over again. Taking Sara with me was a last ditch effort to show Laurel exactly how worthless I really was. Sara didn't matter. She was just the latest weapon I used against Laurel...and I ruined her life, Felicity. I damn near killed her.”
Felicity jerked her chin out of his hold and glared him down. “Sara is responsible for her own bad choices, Oliver. You didn't kidnap her and drag her with you. She pulled that shitty move all on her own.”
“She was just a kid,” Oliver said.
“She was old enough to know better,” Felicity shot back.
Oliver shook his head. He ran his hand through his hair. “That's not my point anyway. I'm getting off track.” He looked to the side. “When I found out Sara was alive last year, it was a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. One less sin for me to carry. And one more person who I didn't have to lie to...to pretend with.” He looked back to Felicity and she knew he was trying to make her understand. “Sara knew me, truly knew me, Felicity. She knew exactly how far I could sink. She knew I was a killer, a monster, and she didn't care because she had her own set of fangs.”
Felicity wanted to object, to argue that he wasn't a monster...that he'd come too far to keep pulling himself back down to that one-dimensional definition. There were too many shades of gray in this world for Oliver to keep painting himself the villain. If he really was that evil, if he really was as dark and irredeemable as he believed himself to be, then he wouldn't CARE about what he'd done. Monsters didn't fight the darkness, they reveled in it. Oliver was not a monster. He got up and he kept trying every day to be better, to do better. Felicity didn't know how to make him see that.
“But you were different than Sara,” Oliver continued before she could piece together her own argument. “You were good, Felicity. You were light, and you were innocent, and you were clean. Putting my blood-stained hands on you? Dragging you down into this hole with me? THAT would damn me far quicker than marking names off my father's list ever would. I didn't deserve you,” he shrugged and huffed a laugh, “I never will.”
“URGH!” Felicity growled and scrubbed her hands over her face. “You are such a frackin' buzzkill, Oliver! I cannot have a deep heartfelt conversation with you when all I want is to climb you like a tree!” She waved her hand out to indicate his body. “Do you have any idea how nummy you look right now?”
Oliver snorted and shook his head. Felicity glared at him. “Do you really think that I'm so stupid and naive that I don't see you for who you really are? That I don't know you still carry more scars inside than the ones carved into your skin? I'm not a fool, Oliver, I'm a fucking genius! I know who you are. And the fact that I want you has very little to do with how unreasonably attractive God made you, and everything to do with the stubborn passionate over-protective asshole you are beneath that skin.” She canted her head to the side. “If all I wanted was a hot body, I'd be back at 'The Bronze' with Dare.”
Oliver gritted his teeth. “DON'T say that!”
Felicity sighed. “Yep, there's the asshole now.” She leaned forward until her nose brushed against his. “I don't want Dare, Oliver!”
“And I don't want Sara,” Oliver countered, but then he thought about it, “or Laurel.”
A small smiled curved Felicity's lips and she leaned forward a little more. “Good...then, why don't we...”
“Uh uh,” Oliver shook his head again and pulled back away from her, “you still aren't in your right mind.” Felicity glared at him, but he only chuckled at her frustration this time. Turning back to face the front, he restarted the car and eased them back into the road. “Sorry, but I'm not taking any chances with you. You're it for me, Felicity. We're doing this right.” Taking in her dejected expression as she muttered to herself and slumped back against the seat, Oliver tossed her a grin. “You wake up tomorrow morning and still want to play? I'll be all for it.”
Felicity narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “I want that in writing.”
Thanks so much for reading! I would love to know what you think!
#olicity#olicity fic#olicity fanfic#olicity fanfiction#oliver x felicity#olicity crossover#crossover#oliver queen#felicity smoak#arrow#arrowverse#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy fanfiction
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Listen to the Words 1x04 & 1x05
Not much at all going on in ep 4, although a lot of cracking tunes. Just a couple of apt choices, rather than insight into their minds.
1x04
Labour of Love - Hue and Cry (Beyonce dance) Get on Up - Five (Janine and Elsie fight) Mmmbop - Hanson (carwash) Bump and Grind - R Kelly (Golden Hour/Ted2) How Bizarre - OMC (Dave Thompson is a knob) If Only I could - Sydney Youngblood (sponsored animals) Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears (losing virginity)
1) Mmmbop - This is a song about friendship and the fact you don’t know which ones will flourish and be around for you in the darker times in your life. And fittingly the lyrics tell us to hold on to the ones who really care... as John and Kayleigh grip hands as John helps her through her panic attack.
You have so many relationships in this life Only one or two will last You go through all the pain and strife Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast Oh yeah And they're gone so fast, yeah Oh So hold on the ones who really care In the end they'll be the only ones there And when you get old and start losing your hair Can you tell me who will still care Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care
2) If Only I Could - Just a little aside that this song about making the world a better place plays while Kayleigh is telling us about the animals she’s adopted.
1x05
Episode 5 is MUCH more interesting with song choices, as we start to really see their relationship shift form friendship to something more.
When Smokey Sings - ABC (running to the postbox) Put Yourself in My Place - Kylie (dropping the kids off) New Sensation - INXS (Kayleigh driving them to work) Have a Nice Day - Stereophonics (wedding song discussion) Hero - Enrique Iglesias (Golden Hour/Ted2) Picture of You - Boyzone (Rachel jealousy) Devil Woman - Cliff Richard (Rachel) Drive - Cars (Kayleigh is going to have to move) I Knew You Were Waiting - George Michael/Aretha Franklin (Playing Who am I?) Somewhere In My Heart - Aztec Camera (Who am I? cont) This Time I Know It's for Real - Donna Summer (mechanic’s arrival) Stronger Than Love - Johnny Cash (shit for brains)
1) Hero - Although this song doesn’t have any deep meaning in this episode - it’s used to show the saintly Ted is also good with children - it does give us an interesting parallel in the future. In this episode when Hero plays, and they watch Ted2 in action, Kayleigh says “he can lift me up like that anytime he likes.” She’s looking at Ted2 as a heroic figure. He can be her hero. Yet, fast forward to 2x04 and Kayleigh’s fantasies are John as her hero, and she lets him know. “John to the rescue. My hero.” Ted2 is nothing but eye-candy, John is the hero of her heart.
2) Picture of You - This is an interesting song lyrically as at first it sounds like someone who’s made a bad choice romantically, with someone who will break their heart. But as the song goes on, it shows that in fact that person was there for them through it all, despite what they thought of them.
Didn't they say that I would make a mistake Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble People told me you were too much to take I couldn't see it I didn't want to know
I let you in and you let me down You messed me up and you turned my life around You left me feeling I had nowhere to go I was alone how was I to know that
You'd be there when I needed somebody
You'd be there the only one who could help me
I had a picture of you in my mind Never knew it could be so wrong Why'd it take me so long just to find The friend that was there all along
Who'd believe that after all we've been through I'd be able to put my trust in you Goes to show you can forgive and forget Looking back I have no regrets 'causeYou'd be there, when I needed somebody You'd be there, the only one who could help me
I had a picture of you in my mind Never knew it could be so wrong Why'd it take me so long just to find? The friend that was there all along
You'd be there, when I needed somebody You'd be there, the only one who could help me
If you focus on the chorus, it’s Kayleigh’s thoughts on John - she thought he was someone but there he is flirting with Rachel, and so it’s proving her mental image of him wrong. Although this is the opposite meaning to the song itself (an image of someone who was trouble but was there through it all). Of course, the overall theme is one that does relate to John and Kayleigh whichever way you take it - the friend that was there all along. Why’d it take me so long just to find?
3) Devil Woman - Glaringly obvious what this one’s about from the video - Rachel is the “devil woman” leading him astray. The question is, is John’s smugness because he’s enjoying the attention of Rachel? Or because he’s sparked some very obvious jealousy in Kayleigh? Given that in 1x06 he says he’s not actually interested in Rachel, I think we can be sure it’s the latter.
4) Drive - Oh how I love this. Utterly perfect matching of song and scene, as Kayleigh reveals she’s going to have to move to Bury and they both decide John can no longer drive her to work. “Who’s gonna drive you home tonight?” indeed.
Who's gonna tell you when it's too late Who's gonna tell you things aren't so great You can't go on thinking nothing's wrong, but bye Who's gonna drive you home tonight? Who's gonna pick you up when you fall Who's gonna hang it up when you call Who's gonna pay attention to your dreams Who's gonna plug their ears when you scream You can't go on thinking nothing's wrong, but bye Who's gonna drive you home tonight? Who's gonna hold you down when you shake Who's gonna come around when you break You can't go on thinking nothing's wrong, but bye Who's gonna drive you home tonight?
But more than just that line, the whole song sums up what their relationship has become. They are they to hear each others dreams and fears, pick each other up - literally and emotionally, they have become THAT PERSON to each other. And perhaps at this point neither of them realise just how much. Kayleigh’s tears reflect the lyric “you can’t go on thinking nothing’s wrong”, because it seems like Kayleigh is the one to realise not having John drive her to work means more than simply who’s gonna drive her home tonight... it’s something much deeper than that.
5) I Knew You Were Waiting/Somewhere In My Heart - I’m grouping both of these together because we only hear brief snatches of them during the scenes waiting in the car for roadside rescue. Both can be seen as about finally finding the person in your life who has made all the pain and misery worthwhile cos now you’ll see it all through together.
Like a warrior that fights And wins the battle I know the taste of victory Though I went through some nights Consumed by shadows I was crippled emotionally Somehow I made it through the heartache Yes I did. I escaped. I found my way out of the darkness I kept my faith (I know you did), kept my faith When the river was deep I didn't falter When the mountain was high I still believed When the valley was low it didn't stop me, no no I knew you were waiting. I knew you were waiting for me
So we were drawn together through destiny (oh, boy) I know this love we shared was meant to be
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Who cares what people say We walk down love's motorway
Ambition and love wearing boxing gloves And singing hearts and flowers
Somewhere in my heart There is a star that shines for you Silver splits the blue Love will see it through
6) This Time I Know It’s For Real - Never was there such a perfect song for Kayleigh’s feelings at this point, and frankly throughout season 2.
I'm going crazy just to let you know You'd be amazed how much I love you so baby When I get my hands on you I won't let go This time I know it's for real Should I write or call your home Shout it out with a megaphone Radio, TV news Got to find a way To get my message to you To say I love you with a neon sign Anything to make you mine
I'm going crazy just to let you know If I wait too long for you I might explode baby I've been around the block enough to know That this time I know it's for real
She’s desperate to bring up Rachel again, and ask if John is going to go out with her. Rachel’s interference has made her face up to her feelings for John and she’s prodding around trying to find out what he feels. This song signposts what Kayleigh’s going to do next - pushed on by the end of their car sharing time, and the looming Rachel, Kayleigh needs to let John know how she feels. How will she do it? Write I love you in a neon sign? Or get him to “listen to the words” of Pure and Simple?
7) Stronger Than Love - speaking of neon signs... Peter and co couldn’t have made it ANY CLEARER what is driving the emotions and relationship between John and Kayleigh when they use this song.
Six foot six he stood on the ground, He weighed two hundred and thirty-five pounds, But I saw that giant of a man brought down to his knees by love. He was the kind of a man that would gamble on luck, Look you in the eye and never back up, But I saw him crying like a little whipped pup because of love. You can't see it with your eyes, Hold it in your hand. But like the wind, it covers our land, Strong enough to move the heart of any man, This thing called love. It can lift you up, Never let you down, Take your world and turn it all around, Ever since time, nothing's ever been found, That's stronger than love.
(interestingly the second verse deals with non-romantic love, but it’s the verse about a man brought to his knees that they chose to use)
It’s utterly clear what’s happening here, that despite the anger in this scene, these two are fools for each other, and John will forgive it all (even though it was his fault!) because he’s in love. I mean there’s signposting and then there’s literally telling the audience in a song HE IS IN LOVE!
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How was AFI?
Oh man, it was honestly a life changing experience. So the concertstarted at 9 pm and me and my awesome friend got there at 12 pm. Oh and did Imention that it was fucking hot?? It was literally 110 degrees, and if you knowanything about Kansas you know that the majority of the heat was humidity. Butluckily when we got to The Midland (which is where they played) we found thislittle crook of shade so we put all our stuff in that and camped out. While wewere sitting there it came out that we were the first people (and almost only)who were actually from Kansas. I spoke to a couple of AFI fans while we werewaiting for hours and most of them were pretty cool and really nice. While wewere waiting I went across the street to the really fancy grocery store to goto the bathroom. I go in and I end up talking to this neat dude whose like anuber fan and has been to almost all the shows on The Blood Tour. While we weretalking it got brought up that apparently Circa Survive wasn’t playing thatnight. Which honestly I was kinda glad about cuz I didn’t really know anythingabout Circa Survive. But I felt so shitty because my friend came with me cuzshe’s a Circa fan! Luckily when I told her she wasn’t upset or anything andsaid she would’ve came anyway. Apparently a lot of other people in line alsodidn’t know that Circa wasn’t playing, but no one was mad about it (I guess alot of people just assumed that because all the other shows on this leg of thetour are with Circa Survive, but I guess KC was the exception.) I was also a little worried because people kept saying thatthe tour shirt didn’t even mention the KC stop on it, but luckily they werewrong! (it doesn’t have the right date on there, but it definitely says KC). Sofinally at about 8 something they start letting us in, and by that point myfriend got like a pinched nerve from sitting on the ground for too long, so sheended up just sitting in the lobby for the concert (which honestly may havebeen a good thing because she probably would’ve gotten crushed in that crowd).I immediately go to the merch table and while I’m buying my shirts my awesomefriend goes and saves me a spot so close to the stage. I get to the spot andthe girl standing right next to me is wearing the same shirt as me! (which isfunny because we were the ONLY people there wearing that shirt. We both knew itwas an older AFI tour shirt, but we both couldn’t remember exactly where we gotit from haha.) She was pretty cool and so was her husband. Before the concertstarted, she leans over and goes, “so you’re gay and I gotta ask… Do you thinkDavey and Jade are gay?? I always thought they were in a relationship.” And I’mjust like ha well they’ve never really straight out said what they’resexualities are, but I know that Davey’s really never been the one for labels.I honestly don’t think they’re 100% straight, but I can’t really say if they’regay or not since I don’t personally know them. (Granted tho they’ve been in aband for over 20 years and if you haven’t been at least a little gay with yourbest friend, then you’re not really best friends haha.) So finally the concert starts and Citizen comes out. Now I had only really heard ofCitizen by their lyric pics on tumblr and a couple of seconds of some of theirsongs. But I gotta say, I was pretty impressed. Besides the fact that there wasn’t a good mic check before playing, I thought it went pretty well. Icould hear all the instruments clearly and that whole band was really puttingtheir all in. It was a little awkward since no one really knew their songs sowe just kinda stood there and listened and clapped. After that performance I’lldefinitely be checking out more of their music. I really wanted to saysomething to them after the concert, but they pretty much grabbed all theirequipment and bolted (they probably just wanted to get back on the road asap.)After Citizen it was about 20 minutes before it finally happened. Adam came outfirst and got set up, then Hunter, then Davey, and Jade. Where I was standing Igot an amazing view of Davey and Jade. Sadly tho I wasn’t able to get any pics of Hunter because he was on theleft side of the stage, and I couldn’t get any pics of Adam during the concertbecause of the way his drums were lit up you couldn’t see his face. They startoff playing Girl’s not Grey and it literally felt like I was seeing the face ofGod. Davey locked eyes with me for like 1 second and then he reached his handright across in front of me and I brushed it with my fingertips because I wasnervous and didn’t want to be pushy. And let me tell you about this setlistholy fuck. So like I said they started off with Girl’s not Grey, then they wentinto Love like Winter (which was the first song I ever heard by them so thatwas awesome), then So Beneath You, then 17 Crimes (which is one of my favsongs/music videos), and then Malleus Maleficarum (which is when everyone losttheir fucking minds and started shoving like crazy), then Get Hurt (which wasthe first time they ever played that live!), then Lost Souls (which is whenDavey stepped into the crowd and I FUCKING TOUCHED HIS BACK HE WAS RIGHT THEREIN FRONT OF ME AND I HAVE VIDEO PROOF), then The Leaving Song pt. 1, then HeWho Laughs Last, then Feed From the Floor (which is also one of my fav songsand I may base my AFI tattoo that I’m gonna get after), then Days of thePhoenix (I could watch them play this song over and over until I die), then IHope You Suffer (which honestly I never really connected with this song before,but watching them perform it live holy shit, there was just so much passion andit literally felt like Davey was singing the song into my soul), then SnowCats, then Miss Murder, then Paper Airplanes, and then Silver and Cold (which wow, it just really struck a chord with me).Davey also sang most of Jack the Ripper (one of my all time favorites)completely a capella! (I also got some of that on video.) During the concert Ialmost lost my balance a couple of times cuz during certain songs people fromthe very back would start pushing and it pushed me into the first two rows ofpeople (which I said sorry about every time it happened just like the girlsbehind apologized when it happened.) Oh and also during the last two songs Igot wedged between these guys that were like a foot taller than me. The guy onthe right wasn’t really excited and just kinda stood there and nodded his head.The guy on the left wore a bright blue shirt (he was in the video that I took ofDavey in the crowd) and he was drunk and a complete asshole. Apparently duringthe rest of the concert he was pushing and shoving the girls that were behindme and made his way next to me. then during the last two songs he startsshoving me to the right (when literally no one else was shoving), I thought itwas an accident at first. Then I realize he’s clearly trying to bump me out ofmy spot, so I start shoving back. Then HE LITERALLY STARTS SHOVING HIS ASS INMY FACE. I had it, I was in the heat all day and about to pass out from toomuch excitement and I was not gonna put up with this shit, so I shoved him realhard and yelled, “DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?? YOU’RE SHOVING YOUR ASSIN MY GODDAMN FACE I’M A LITTLE GUY JUST LET ME STAND HERE PLEASE”. He fucking turns tome and says, “um you’re being a little rude.” So I was like haha dude whateverand wedged myself in front of him so that I could enjoy the last song. Afterthe concert like six people behind me came up to me to tell me that that drunk guy was an asshole and thanked me for actuallypushing him back and calling him out (they were all my height and the dude was like 6 foot something). A partof me worries that Davey just saw me pushing and thought that I was the assholeor something, but Jade was right there too and we talked after the show and hewas so nice. So after the concert ended me and my friend went out by the tourbus to wait and see if the band would come out. Adam came out first and theperson next to me asked for a pic and he said, “well actually I have a coupleof stuff I need to get. But I’ll be back, is that okay?” Like wow what a sweetguy. So eventually he comes back out and I’m starstruck. I shake his hand andtell him how weird it is to see one of the people I’ve been idolizing since 5thgrade so I’ll try to talk like a normal human being as much as possible, and hesmiles and says he’s happy I had a great time at my first AFI concert. Then Igave him this letter I wrote to the band and I tell him I didn’t want to makeit out to any specific person in the band because you’re all important. I tellhim how much I love AFI and that I don’t ever want him to feel like fans don’tappreciate him because the band wouldn’t be the same without all you guys. Andhe was like aww thanks. And he took a selfie with me and after I took it he waslike, “wait I didn’t see where to look, was I looking at the camera?” so I pullup the picture and he goes oh okay cool I did it right (what a nerd I lovehim). He also autographed this AFI postcard thing that I got with a pendant andThe Blood Album at Bestbuy. And then Jade comes out. And at this point I letsome guy borrow the sharpie I brought and I was scared that I wasn’t gonna haveit when Jade came up, but luckily he had his own (it was a gold sharpie aw). Ishake his hand and tell him how much I enjoyed the concert and how much Iappreciate him and the rest of the band and how it wouldn’t be the same withoutthem there. And he goes, “well you’re favorite band is kinda like yourchildren, you gotta love em all equally” and I’m like ha yea, I have sixsiblings tho.. and he’s like, “oh well siblings are a different thing, we allhave a favorite haha”. And then I told them that this was my first AFI show, buthopefully not my last unless you guys break up tomorrow. And he laughs andgoes, “well that is a possibility. Davey just made a really stinky sandwich, sothat might lead into something.” What a funny guy! We take a selfie and then Iask if he could also sign my card. Now this was pretty funny, when I handed himthe card he flipped it over, then he flipped it back over again and lookeda little confused. He goes, “I don’t recognize this at all, where did you getthis??” and I told him and he looks at my pendant and goes “wow you’re the onlyone here that I’ve seen wearing that, cool!” I just thought it was so funnythat he didn’t recognize that card at all. Then Davey came out and he waswearing that really cute black hood thing he’s been wearing a lot ininterviews, and as he walks by these two drunk girls scream demanding apicture. And he was nice about it and goes No pictures, but I’ll be out later.We waited like an hour and half after that and he was a no show, but honestly Ithink he was just drained (he may have came out after we left but I doubt it.)This concert was a real life changing experience. When I got home from theconcert my grandma started yelling at me and I realized; I accomplished one ofmy childhood dreams, so I’m not gonna put up with shit anymore. I feel like amore complete person. I feel like now I really only want to use my energy onthings that are important to me, and getting yelled at for no reason isn’t oneof them. And also since I wasn’t able to get a pic with Hunter or an autograph,and I wasn’t able to get an autograph from Davey (I don’t expect to get a picwith him since I’ve only seen like one pic of him and a fan on this tour) thisjust means I’ll have to go to another AFI concert! I can’t wait!
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renforshort Paints a Picture of Her World on ‘off saint dominique’ [Q&A]
Photo: Steph Verschuren
“Ugh I’m, like, literally in my pajamas, I have just had a morning.” renforshort pops up on Zoom, sporting bright pink bangs and a casual coolness that belies the insane energy of the music she’s been making over the last year.
renforshort’s rise has been nothing short of meteoritic, capturing a global audience amidst a worldwide pandemic. Unfiltered, brash, and honest, the Canadian singer-songwriter was met with widespread praise for her breakout singles “i drive me mad” and “fuck, i luv my friends” ahead of the release of her debut EP, teenage angst in early 2020.
Now, with the release of her sophomore EP, off saint dominique, renforshort steps back into her story with a confidence and self-reflectiveness that had just begun to emerge on her earlier songs. While her pace hasn’t slowed, the complexities of topics she navigates push her to consider her words carefully, balancing a raw vulnerability with blunt realism in her lyrics.
The depth and versatility she weaves throughout the six tracks showcase the growth she’s experienced in the past year. “There's so many different sounds and so many different genres. I feel like across the whole EP, especially lyrically, it’s supposed to kind of just represent this year of my life.”
The catalyst of the project started with the first time she moved out of her parents’ place. “The apartment that I stayed in, I lived alone, which was a pretty big thing. And the apartment I stayed in was on a street off Saint Dominque. So [when I was writing this EP] I was like, ‘Where was this whole adventure? Where did it all begin? And that is where it began.’”
off saint dominique captures the life of a teenage girl in a modern world, faced with societal pressure to adhere to standards and expectations while discerning how to forge your own path. At the helm of a movement of young women solidifying their footing in a notoriously cutthroat industry, she, like many of her peers, has found ways to speak out about the roles she refuses to play and establish her own lane on her own terms.
On the opening track, aptly titled “wannabe,” renforshort points a finger at the facades so many of us, herself included, tend to hide behind. There’s a little snark in her voice when she describes the self-criticism in the song. “There have been points in my life where I’m like, ‘who the fuck are you? like, who are you? what are you doing?’” From a different perspective, however, there’s a genuine concern about the lack of authenticity that can float in her circles. “I’m like, ‘I’m calling bullshit.’ Like, that's not you. It’s just not you. And it's the most painful thing in the world to see someone just be a completely different person around other people, or just start changing over time to fit this mold, you know what I mean?”
She, on the other hand, refuses to be boxed in anymore. “I don't have trouble at all posting some shit of me looking wack, wearing something wack. I just don't care because I can’t—” she pauses to roll her eyes, “I just don't have the energy to like, please everyone.” When asked if the past year of almost everything going online has compounded this, she’s quick to agree. “Oh my god 100%. Five THOUSAND percent. The world is fucked, so, fuck it. That is the mentality, just live.”
While her boldness seems flippant at first, her distaste for false pretense comes from a place of compassion towards her own struggles with people pleasing and unrealistic expectations. As she reflects on one of the earliest songs she wrote to combat teenage angst, renforshort shifts into a softer tone. “The first line of ‘bummer’ goes ‘looking in the mirror/my reflection got me triggered.” At the time, she confesses, an eating disorder quietly plagued her. “I never talked about with anyone because to me, it didn't exist. It was just how I lived and how…” she winces a bit. “How I would be a, you know, a hot girl.” She shrugs at the absurd normalcy with which she’d handed it. “I was like, ‘There's nothing weird about that. This is how you be a hot girl!’” Now, she rolls her eyes at that idea. “That’s just not true. Like, I was not happy. And I didn't look good.”
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It was through that song her world cracked open a little more. “I wrote about that because I was in a session with this writer DCF and producer, Jeff [Hazin]. He was like, what's going on? You know, the classic ‘what's going on in your life?’ And I was like, nothing, nothing. I'm 16, I'm in high school, shit’s not happening.” Undeterred, they nudged her to dig a little deeper, encouraging her to go beyond just writing about relationships. “That was the first time I like, opened up to anyone about it.”
Her vulnerability has a certain conviction about it; renforshort has no need for pity. Instead, she embodies a desire to paint a multi-faceted reality that doesn’t glamorize hiding pain underneath the surface. Putting her most complicated thoughts into song forges a unique path for her to get the weight off her chest, and losing the fear that gripped her previously means no more holding back.
“People just got more open about eating disorders, society’s standards, or what women should be and what women should look like, and what they should weigh and what they like, stupid shit. It became more like, you know, mainstream to bash that. So, I think that over time, everything becomes more normal to talk about. So why not just talk about it?”
The synergy she’s created in the studio has opened up worlds for her to dive into and explore. While teenage angst had a cohesive punky edge, off saint dominique takes the foot off the gas long enough to observe her surroundings and take in where her music has opened new creative doors. Having a writing team around her that resonates with her emotionality helps too. “[DCF] is like a twenty-seven-year-old man. But he like, is a fourteen-year-old girl, if that makes sense. He pulls up to the studio in a Camp Rock backpack and he can get into my head so well.”
As her maturity and breadth of experiences increase, renforshort pulls more nuance out with each line she pens. “lust into love” is about the first crush she ever had on a girl. “I was like, this is so weird, because I don’t know how these roles work. Because normally, a guy will like, you know,” she closes her eyes and takes a dramatic breath in, “take you and sweep you off your feet, blah blah blah,” she exhales dramatically. Here, she reverses the roles, wanting to be the one to sweep the other person off her feet.
“It feels more assertive than what I normally write, because even in my real life, I’ll be like, no you do it first, and I’m just gonna live with my feelings inside my body forever, making me feel like shit, because I'm never going to go through with anything.” Something about the veneration she holds for the muse of this song, someone she describes as “so elegant,” however, overwhelms her reservations. “It feels like a very… observant song. Like I'm observing your beauty and your character. And that's what it's about. It feels like a soft kind of love song, but it is very forward.” I comment on the muted, insistent piano of the post-chorus, how it describes that feeling perfectly. “Exactly. You feel it in your heart. You’re like, WOAH. I feel in love right now.”
Her knack for eliciting very specific emotions in her writing clearly resonates with her fans too. “I’ve had some really funny things said about my music. Like ‘I feel like I'm a girl in high school’ or ‘you make me hate a boy that I never knew,’ shit like that. Even [347Aidan] said to me ‘I feel like I'm in like an in ‘80s zombie movie and I'm in high school and I’m like running away from—“ she stops herself. “I forgot what he said exactly but it was so spot on and out of the blue. But it all falls into that..[here she scrunched her nose and puts on a bratty voice] “I’m a teenager and I’m mad!”
The high octane energy of her earlier work has subsided a bit. While not all her songs are heavy emotional hitters, they resonate just as much with her. renforshort’s sensitivity to emotional reactions allows her to tease out the feelings hard to fit into normal conversation. “When I'm gonna write like, a song song, I’m like, ‘what is going to help someone? What do I wish I heard?’ And that's a kind of how to write songs. And like, ‘what has not been talked about? Enough? That I need?’”
The closing track on off saint dominique, “this is just a story,” narrates a stream of consciousness rambling of the all the things that’ve happened to her lately. “It feels like a conclusion. Like when you write an essay, and it's like, “in conclusion…” this is that conclusion. It doesn't really matter if the song is catchy or not. It's not my favorite song on the project. But lyrically, it is. It has to be there, just for like…” she pauses, “the art part of it.”
While the writing process has exposed and broadened the places she’d been hesitant to explore before, renforshort has started to come into her own. Conquering her fears and receiving the coveted response that her own wrestling through difficulty has helped another fuels her more than any fear could constrain her.
“As an artist, at least for me, I could put anything in a song. And I feel like I've done that with this project. Like, I've gotten so personal on this project, because I’m just not scared of it anymore.”
off saint dominique is available everywhere you can stream it.
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