#the rest of the world's been deprived of bogans

[assumingminds19]

You said on your swear word ask tag that you're 'living your best upper middle bogan life'. Wtf is a bogan?

Omfg, I read this ask and went into a time warp where I actually forgot that the whole world doesn’t know what a bogan is.Righto international people, we’re in for a wild ride here. First off, let’s just establish upfront that every Australian has a little bit of bogan in them, and if they say they don’t, they’re bloody lying. A bogan (BOH-GAN) is a certain individual who has a particular talent for being a little trashy. I mean they can be the thong (flip flops for you numpties) year-round wearing types, the one’s unironically driving commodores or falcons with spoilers and holes in their mufflers or in fact, and this is the best type, individuals who understand that the meaning of the word ‘mate’ can either induce a fight or a round of free stubbies at the local depending on the tone in which it’s said. 

At the very least a bogan is the type of person who thinks that four trips a year to Bali a year makes them locals because they’re on a first-name basis with the tattoo bloke on that corner down the alley to the right past the Ray-Ban knockoff’s next to their 5-star resort. 

Part of the quintessential bogan (let’s just say Australian experience) is sitting around an outdoor glass table at 3 am in the morning, absolutely pissed, and having a cry or an in-depth conversation with your tablemates about life while getting eaten alive by mozzies cause the Aerogaurd’s worn off. Every Australian knows this table, and I quite literally mean the table because everyone’s parents seemed to have one at some point.If you’re lucky, one of these convos will be at your cousin’s eighteenth, and your sorta written off uncle will spout out a sentence of the best advice you’ve ever gotten in your life. 

Now, just because you’re a bogan doesn’t mean that you don’t have money. Chances are that the FIFO worker in your family probably earns three times as much as your Dad the dentist (and quite frankly they were the smart cookie by going to TAFE in the first place when the tradies are making the only good money these days). Being bogan also means that you’ve run over your own foot as a child with the Coles trolley you insisted on wheeling the aisles for mum, but she didn’t say a word until you tearfully rammed her ankles at which time she proceeded to tell you in the best terms what type of disrespectful you were. 

Every proper bogan has taken the piss out of a backpacker in the pub by talking about the perils of drop bears and triple fanged snakes, and somehow we all have intimate knowledge on how to properly complain about fuel prices at the servo.And you never really lose it, the bogan thing. You still know deep, deep down that Myers is just a cashed-up Kmart and that a Maccas run with your mates the first time you got your licence beats any overpriced hipster restaurant in the city no matter how much money you’ve got in your account, or whether you’ve got an M.D after your name or a Cert 3 in Hairdressing. Bogans are all sorts and come from all walks of Australian life. They are the best of us and the worst of us. The kindest and the dodgiest all at once. We are them, and they are us. And there’s nothing wrong with that.