#the reason I'm even saying this is cuz we didn't have a tub before so this is a semi new experience for me ok???

[piowasthere]

Laying here, in a hot-ass bathtub, in moody lightning, listening to non-daycare-approved music, reading people's comments under my thirst traps.

At like 2am.

Feelin' good, man

[geddy-leesbian]

Fic trick or treat! 🎃

okay so the original concept for the hotel Luis gets Leon pregnant in books for him and Leon for their last night before his tour in the second fic in the (main) rockstar AU was going to be in a stupid ass champagne towers room I stumbled upon pics of

I ended up shelfing that part of the concept and they instead smoked weed in a fancy but otherwise normal hotel bathtub

but it's fine, Luis does take Leon there for one of their anniversaries

“Pennsylvania. It's our anniversary, I've had two of your kids, you're a millionaire rockstar, and you're taking me to Pennsylvania? Seriously?”

“... Is there somewhere you want to go?” Luis asks, clearly ready to drop everything to do whatever Leon wants. “I can change the plans.”

“No. I'm just surprised. When you told me to pack a suitcase, I figured it was going to be some over the top romantic, expensive shit. Like somewhere in Europe, Paris? I don't know, you're the one that knows that kind of stuff. This is out of character for your dramatic ass.”

“We can do Paris next year. Or later this year,” Luis says, like a trip to Paris is nothing. “But for now, Pennsylvania!”

-

Leon remains mildly concerned that the destination is a sign of a head injury until they enter their hotel room and the first thing he sees is a gigantic champagne glass. The rest of the room is just as tacky, with another tub that's heart-shaped, and of course the bed is also heart-shaped and there's rose petals scattered everywhere. “This is why you picked Pennsylvania?” “Exactly! It's romantic, and you like your big bathtubs, there's two in here, I figured you'd like it.” “This is so fucking tacky. I can't believe I fake married you,” Leon says, dropping his suitcase to head up the stairs to the champagne glass because he is curious about this abomination. He sees Luis picking up his suitcase below while he turns the water on and calls out. “Don't unpack any of my shit! You don't get to see what lingerie I packed until it's on me, that's your anniversary present.” “You remember what happened the last time we got high in a bathtub together?” “I got pregnant?” “I'm afraid your memory betrays you. I got you pregnant the night before that. What happened when we got high was that you kept telling me how pretty I was, and how pretty the scar on my cheek is, and how hot it was that I could beat people up. Are you…” Leon completely zones out while Luis talks, staring down. “Oh my god. Why are we getting high up here, we're gonna have to go down stairs to get to bed, we're gonna die.” “We are not going to die,” Luis scoots over to the other side of the glass so he's next to Leon, and uses his hand to tilt Leon's face so he's looking at Luis's face, not the room below them. “Maybe you would if you were alone because you're a lightweight, but I'm here, this is nothing. I was actually drunk as fuck the night I beat that guy up. Possibly stoned too, don't remember. That was before I realized I didn't like playing music while under the influence, so I was usually on something those days. I can get down stairs high no problem, and I'll help you down. I'll even carry you if I have to. That's the whole reason I started working out, I just wanted to get strong enough to pick you up.” “Feels like you're just fishing to get me to say something about how it's hot that you're strong,” Leon slurs. “It is. Yeah. You're still not strong as my ex, but you're hotter, cuz you're safe too. When he picked me up, I'd be a mix of excited and worried about what new injury I'd have to hide. With you all I ever worry about is what piece of furniture you're going to set me down on and ruin. You're so much hotter too. Maybe I said that already. You're pretty. I want another baby.”

[chocolate-failure]

158

Idk what to call it other than breakthrough... it seemingly only happens as a result of all the stars aligning in a way that allows me to lose an astronomical amont of weight in a single day. I literally started at 164 this morning. I was extremely stressed about it because I can't seem to dip under 161 and stay there. This has been the case for nearly a month. Very frustrating. But today for some reason I was able to get down to 156. Not even remotely sure how it happened because I was sure I was stuck on the 160 plateau and it would continue to be difficult for at least another month. It wasn't.

And honestly if I had the ability to facilitate this kind of loss reliably it'd really help to feel I'm in control of my trajectory. But again... it feels like by some cosmic folly I was able to cement myself solidly in the 150s.

Lemme think... I woke up at like 11. Ended up drinking too much water and purging. Oh shit... before I did I took some hydroxycut pills... I didn't do the recommended 4 a day cuz I forgot. But I did take them far enough away from my purge that it worked cuz I also took a laxative and that kicked in pretty quickly. Maybe I should be taking my laxative around lunchtime 🤔 I was p comfortable for most of the day and it only really hurt for 30 seconds or so before I had to go. Usually I'm doubled over in pain as the laxative rips through my body. Idk...

But the hydroxycut could definitely be the culprit. I didn't even think about it til I started backtracking. I bought it forever ago and my mother inlaw brought in the mail and NEVER GACE IT TO ME. It's whatever now but at the time I was a poor and desperate college student and she literally ruined an attempt to lose weight for me cuz I couldn't afford to by another one. But I remember finding it still in the package with my mfkn name on it in her room. I saw it earlier today next to my vitamins and it expires this year so I figured I might as well use it.

But yeah... breakthrough. It's the times where you're least expecting a large drop in weight because you've been plateauing and managing your expectations.

I also did a vid today after walking on the treadmill for an hour. I did the vid while in the tub, kind of an asmr type deal. But I didn't have my fan on and it got p fuckin hot in there. To set the mood I lit a candle and throw some ginger bubble bath in. It smelled really nice. I have a v deep attachment to smell. I think I rather have a sense of smell over taste. I just really enjoy smells.

But dig had a panic attack about me not liking him and I get it being jarring but for me there is little to no difference between today, 9 days ago, 9 months ago or 99 months ago... like I haven't been a fan for a minute. Not to say he's this horrible person, he tries, I just think he's incapable of being incredibly likable. We were in this exact same spot about a year ago and not much has changed. Either he doesn't want to or doesn't know how both of which is depressingly disappointing.