#the precautionary steps are wild y'all

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

When she got you legitimately looking up how to engage in puncture-level biting kinks safely

[primedirection]

Dead to me - Part 2

Warnings: Angst & Mentions of death

Then, the doctors were saying that it would be any day now.

Without the proper precautionary treatments his body stopped responding to the medicine altogether. Growing more ill each passing moment.

Honestly it was one of the hardest things Harry's had to watch. A man that he'd grown to love like his own father, just wither away into this. A frail bed ridden figure too weak to even speak because most of his energy went into coughing up blood just so it wouldn't block his lungs. Those moments in and of itself were painful to deal with. Because he'd have to watch you flinch and cringe at every cough and hack that seemed to be longer and heavier than the last.

One time in particular it got so bad that everyone had to be escorted out just so that the doctors could stabilize him again. At the time panic set in and almost everyone believed that the time had come. Either crying or praying. In those frantic moments Harry took in your steely composure. Arms folded and staring out of the hospital window blankly.

It bothered him that you yourself never cried like everyone else. Always forcing yourself to be strong around him. Especially when he knew how much you were hurting. It wasn't healthy.

Hating more than anything that there was nothing he could do to change the situation. Harry found himself wrapping you in his arms from behind and pulling you close, nuzzling against your cheek. Realizing the best that he could do was be there for you. Immediately he felt some of the tension release. "M'here if you need me. Can tell me anything, you know that?"

You placed your hands over his and nodded in appreciation. Whispering the quietest, "Love you," he's ever heard but it'd been sincerest he's ever experienced.

You didn't cry for another week until your mother called in the middle of the night, informing your father finally passed on. Harry had been right there with you in bed holding you while letting it all out on his chest. And he stayed that way with you for the next three days straight. Allowing you to cry into his chest until you couldn't anymore.

Now, he couldn't be any further away from you standing in the same room.

Unsure what to do with himself. Harry ran to grab a broom and dust pan to try and help in some way and utterly hated himself when he came back.

Watching you knee deep in broken glass and other destroyed particles, grasping and raking up the ash maniacally into a pile. Hands and clothes staining black, a sharp piece you can't even see makes you suddenly yelp in pain. Momentarily interrupting your erratic sobbing. Once it starts up again he's genuinely afraid you might hyperventilate.

Quickly he abandons his first idea and grabs a clean cloth instead. Fearing you'd bleed out, "Y/N, Y/N please! Stop love, you're bleeding it'll get infected." Just as he starts to kneel beside you he's roughly shoved away.

"Don't! Don't come near me!" You scream, eyes wild with anger and chest heaving from the exertion.

He knows that there is no place for him to feel hurt by your rejection. And yet it's there anyway, "Let me help you!"

The absurd suggestion makes your distraught gaze morph into one of disgust and unyielding rage, "Help me?" You seethe glaring heatedly enough to burn a hole in his head, "My dad did nothing but love you and you did this to him— to us!" You gesture to the mess around the room.

"I never meant to do that, I swear!" He pleads desperately. Down right terrified of the impending consequences of his actions. He's never seen you this way before, spaced out with fury.

At some point, you're not even exactly sure when. It could've been 5 minutes or an hour but the tears finally subside. The aching pain weighing down your very soul leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. The disheartening task of trying to collect all your father's remains becomes futile and so you give up. Easing off of your knees with a forlorn sigh. Seeing as the more you grabbed the more that slipped through your fingers and that resonated with you on so many levels.

It's time to let go.

"I shouldn't even be surprised," a dry laugh escapes as you stand upright, though it's filled with melancholy. "You're not the man I fell in love with, haven't been for a long time. Everything we had died along with him."

Harry would probably feel less pain from an actual knife to the heart being twisted ruthlessly compared to that statement. His breathing became faulty, struggling to get the words out properly, "No baby, that's not true! I can fix it, I can fix this baby I just need—"

"Look at us Harry! There's nothing left to fix!" You shout nearly coming to tears again from being pulled back under another wave of grief. But this was it. You'd lost the love of your life a long time ago and now it was time to let go of the ghost of him too.

He's sobbing now shaking his head in utter denial, "You don't mean that," Grabbing onto your biceps in a desperate attempt to hold you close resting his nose against your cheek, "You're gonna be my wife, we're supposed to have kids— be a family!"

It's really ironic that the sweet gesture once used to be so endearing to you now makes your skin crawl, and the once thrilling idea makes your chest tighten and your throat constrict in pure agony. "Not anymore. I-I can't do that with whomever this is— this monster."

He grips on to you tighter now forcing you to meet his gaze and it's tormented, "Please, please don't say that. I'm sorry Y/N! I'm so fucking sorry baby I- please!" Watery liquid green and yet bloodshot eyes stare pleadingly with yours. For some reason they burn to look at head on.

"I'm sorry too." You exhale carefully shrugging out of his hold, "For waiting until it reached this point, could've saved us both the trouble." Taking a few steps back you spitefully add, "Do what you want with my things, I know you worked hard for them."

Harry's face scrunches as if he ate something sour, but he was thoroughly repulsed. And it's by himself, "I never meant to hurt you Y/N. You have to know that!" He cries out just as you reach the front door.

A flutter of unease rests in the pit of your belly at that. Causing you to pause with a hand on the knob and reluctantly glance back. Taking in the sight of him standing there pitifully, surrounded by the mess that he made. And a sight it was, just as quick as the unease appeared it diminishes, "Well I know what I feel and it says otherwise."

And with that you turn and leave him for good. All the while Harry drops down to his knees helplessly defeated. Conjuring a new onslaught of sobs. He just lost the greatest thing that's ever happened to him.

AN: Guess I had some time afterall lol. Special shoutout to @Harrystylesgotmefuckedup for helping me brain storm!! Her work is also incredible so be sure check her out. Hope y'all enjoyed this, let me know! Xx