#the plaidypus is a GOOD BOY

[flatassthrowaway]

Passionately and Deeply

~Chapter Three, Other Edition~

I just wanted to thank everyone for engaging with my fanfic this far, and getting to the prologue over 70+ notes! It warms my heart that so many people like this series! I'll be putting out a masterlist when I release the fifth chapter.

Also there may be more than a few grammatical errors in here, feel free to ignore those.

Anyway, like always, I hope you enjoy!

New to the series? Read the prologue.

The air is warmer, the grass is greener, and my ties to this town are only becoming deeper.

Being with Ford on that fateful night took away nearly every fear I had. I felt like as long as I had him, nothing would stand in my way in life.

I think he pretty much confirmed the same thing with me.

And I couldn’t be happier about that.

Since then, we’ve been hanging out regularly. He’s shown me quite a few of the abnormal beings in this charming yet peculiar town. Among them were the plaidypus, the beard cubs (which were actually kinda cute), and the question quails (which were unquestionably adorable). Ford claims that there are dangerous beings that reside here, but the ones that I’ve seen have been rather innocuous. I actually scooped up the icicle mice from this winter and put them in my freezer so that they’ll live.

In other news, his grand-niblings are on their way to visit him and his family up here in a few hours. They’ll be staying for the whole summer.

Melody had her child, which was a boy. She named him Jesús Alzamirano Ramirez Jr., right after Soos.

They’re such a sweet couple, and now a sweet family. I hope they have a prosperous life.

Abuelita is smitten over her new bisnieto, or her great-grandson. He is quite adorable, after all. He was born on April 4th, and he’ll be two months old on the 4th.

I even got to hold him several times when I visited. My baby fever was hidden in the back of my mind, but that adorable baby boy brought it out again. On my days off of work, I would make my way to the shack and just tend to him while his primary familial unit rested up.

Ford seems to like the little bean, too. Although he doesn’t really strike me as someone who would like babies, he really took a liking to him.

“You’re so good with that little tyke,” he told me.

I smiled up at him while holding the little bean. “Thanks,” I said. “I always wanted children, and to be a mother.”

Ford’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Truly? You never mentioned it.”

I smiled back down at the sweet baby in my arms. “It never came up,” I told him. “Not until this sweet boy came into our lives. I truly believe that all babies are sent from Heaven.”

Ford smiled. “On an unrelated note, how old are you again?” he asked.

I playfully raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ask about a lady’s age?” I asked, playfully indignant. “I’ll be twenty seven in seven days.”

“Ah, so you’re a gemini like me,” he said. “My great niece told me about the zodiac signs and everything related to them.”

“Oh really? When’s your birthday then?” I asked.

“Stanley’s and my birthday is in two weeks from today, on the 15th of June,” he said.

“The twins have the twins zodiac. How about that,” I said, chuckling.

“You wouldn’t happen to be a twin, would you?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

“What a shame. I thought I would be able to set her up with Stanley,” Ford joked.

I playfully raised an eyebrow. “Who said my twin would be a woman?” I said.

Both of us just stared at each other before we softly broke out laughing.

All of a sudden, the door slammed open, and I saw two teenagers at the door, one boy and one girl.

The girl had medium brown curly hair that reached her mid back, the same copper brown eyes as Stan and Ford, and donned a purple headband with parted fringe bangs. Her sweater (why was she wearing a sweater in June?) was the same purple color as her headband and had spelled out MABEL, and wore a hot pink skirt that reached just a little below mid thigh, with dark purple almost black stockings, and some purple doc martens on. She was about average height.

The boy had a tan and dark brown lumberjack hat, the same medium brown curly hair and copper brown eyes as his sister, with long bangs that nearly covered his eyes. He wore a red flannel plaid shirt, blue jeans and timberlands. He was also about average height, which… kind of surprised me. Seeing that he was related to Stan and Ford, I thought he would be taller.

That doesn’t matter that much, though.

What matters is that this sweet baby boy started crying when both of them busted through the door. I shushed him, trying to soothe him.

“We’re here!” the girl yelled as Ford shushed her. She lowered her head. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Who’re you?” the boy asked.

“Dipper, my boy, meet my good friend,” Ford said my name, introducing me to his great nephew. “Come here, Mabel, I want you to meet her, too.”

“Woah, nice to meet you! I’m Mabel! Grunkle Ford never said anything about his lady friend being so pretty,” Mabel introduced herself to me as I chuckled and Ford scratched the back of his head.

I can see where she gets her electrifying personality from.

“Nice to meet you too, dear,” I told her, this sweet baby finally settling down back into slumber.

“My name’s Dipper,” Dipper introduced himself. “Is that Soos’ son or is that your own child?”

I shook my head. “It’s his child. I’m just watching him while he, Melody, and Abuelita rest.”

“Woah, can I hold him? Please please please? I promise I’ll be extra careful!”

“Not yet, darling. Go wash your hands before you touch him. His immune system is very fragile right now,” Ford told Mabel. Mabel dashed to the sink, and Dipper walked, following her.

“So they are your niece and nephew,” I remarked.

Ford turned to me and nodded. “Yes. Besides this little tyke, they are the closest thing to being my own children.”

I smiled as I turned my gaze back to the sweet baby in my arms. “Did you ever want children, Ford?”

“Not particularly, no,” he said. “I was focused on my work. In a way, everything I’ve worked on, and currently working on are my progeny. But now… I think it’s far too late for me to be a father.”

“That’s a fascinating way to put it,” I told him. “And you never know! You might find someone to procreate with.”

Mabel and Dipper both entered the living room, and Mabel made grabby hands towards Jesús. “Lemme see him~!” she said in her baby voice.

I handed him to her, and she was completely enamored by his baby charm. “Hi buddy. It’s your cousin, Mabel,” she said softly.

I guess when the moment really calls for it, she can be quiet.

“So…” Dipper said my name. “Or do you prefer Miss? Ms? Ma’am?”

I chuckled. “You can say my name, it’s alright, Dipper,”

“Good!” Dipper cleared his throat. “I-I mean, good. I just have a few questions for you.”

“I have a few questions for you, too!” Mabel declared. The baby in her arms cried again.

“My dear, let me take the little tyke while you… speak,” he said, taking Jesús in his arms.

Mabel led me upstairs and Dipper followed us into the attic, where they were sleeping. It smelled like dust mites and moth balls.

They couldn’t have gotten something more appealing for these kids? Honestly.

I’m busting Ford’s ass about this later.

“So…” Dipper said my name. “What is your occupation?”

I told both of them what I did.

“What about before you came to Gravity Falls? What did you do? Where did you live? Did you graduate from university?”

Mabel rolled her eyes. “Jeez Dipper, it’s like you never had a conversation before! It sounds like an interview!”

“Mabel, these are important things I need to know about Great Uncle Ford’s new girlfriend,” he said.

I raised a finger to refute. “Well, actually-”

“Dipper, c’mon!” she whined before turning to me. “I’m sorry for Dipper, he doesn’t know how to have a proper conversation with a lady.”

“Wha- hey!”

“Aaaaanyway, I have more important questions to ask you than the stuffy questions my brother asked! I need to know: Do you like pigs or tardigrades?” Mabel said, narrowing her eyes at me comically.

“Well, I’d have to say pigs. Tardigrades are cute, but I never interacted with one,” I told her.

Mabel squealed. “Oh, this is great! Let me get Waddles!” she said, running out of the room.

“Oh great. Now you’ve set her off,” Dipper said. “Anyway, back to my questions. How old are you?”

I playfully smiled. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ask for a lady’s age?” I asked, testing how strong his resolve was.

Dipper scratched the back of his neck. “I-I’m sorry, ma’am, I just-”

I smiled softly. “Listen Dipper, I understand you care for your great uncle, but speaking to me like this seems a little… out of character for you, if that makes sense,” I told him.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Just from the small amount of interaction I had from you, you’re clearly an intelligent young man,” I told him, his cheeks becoming a little red. “But your confidence is lacking. To make up for that, you overcompensate with a dour tone. I almost felt animosity coming from you in your questions, even though I know it’s not how you want to come across.”

“Wow… how did you get all of that?” Dipper asked.

I smiled. “I’ve been on this Earth for quite some time, dear. Most of the time, I can tell when someone isn’t being authentic.”

“Well… can I at least ask why you’re dating my grunkle?” Dipper asked.

I laughed. “Oh, that is hilarious,” I told him. “Hon, I’m not dating your great uncle. We’re just really good friends,” I told him. “If you ask him, he would say the same thing.”

Dipper breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. It’s still kinda questionable, but that’s a lot better.”

I smiled as Mabel came back in with a lean yet rotund pink pig with a cute nose and round cheeks. She said my name. “Meet Waddles!” she said, as Waddles let out a happy squeak.

I smiled. “What a cute little guy,” I said, slowly moving closer to him. “Hey Waddles.”

He sniffed my hand, and then nuzzled his head into my hand. I scratched just above his ears, and he was panting like a dog.

I think he enjoys it.

“Wow! He loves you already! How did you know his favorite scratching spot?” Mabel asked.

“Mabel, all over his body is his favorite scratching spot. He loves pets,” Dipper said.

“True, true,” Mabel said, sitting in front of me and next to her twin brother, crossing her legs. “Now then, where were we in our interview?”

“Actually… I want to take a different approach,” Dipper said, looking back at me.

Mabel turned her head curiously, looking at her brother. “Yeah? How?” she asked, looking back at me.

“Let’s get psychological,” Dipper said, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Hell yeah! Psychological warfare!” Mabel exclaimed.

Suddenly, the door opened to the attic, and Stan was in the doorway. “Psychological warfare? Ya don’t gotta tell me twice!” he said, taking a seat on the bed next to his great nephew, looking at me.

I was starting to sweat a little bit. Hopefully, they didn’t see it.

“I guess the main thing I’m worried about is that… well… you and Great Uncle Ford seem so friendly. I’ve never seen him like that with a stranger,” Dipper told me.

“I am a stranger to you, but not to your great uncle,” I reminded him.

“And that’s fine and all, but… how long have you known him?” Dipper asked.

“It’ll be four months on our birthday. Or maybe the day before? I dunno, somewhere around there,” Stan chimed in.

Mabel gasped. “You’ve cracked our Grunkle Ford in four months?!” she asked incredulously.

“I wouldn’t put it that way…” I told her.

“Yeah,” Stan surprisingly agreed with me. “It was more like one week.”

Mabel stared at me, awestruck. “One week?!” she shrieked, making me jump a little.

I nodded bewilderedly. Mabel screamed as if she were fangirling. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh~!”

“Mabel, get a hold of yourself!” Stan said.

“But c’mon Grunkle Stan! She’s exactly what Grunkle Ford needs! Do you really want him to rot in his lab all day, with no companion?” Mabel asked him.

Stan rolled his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh brother.”

Mabel stood up and nearly lunged at me. I nearly jumped out of my seat. “But seriously! You need to teach me your secrets! If you were able to charm Grunkle Ford in a week, you’re on the same level as a succubus in terms of charm and seduction!” She exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow, deciding to play along with her. “Why does a young lady like you need to know about seduction?” I asked.

Mabel cleared her throat. “I am sixteen years old!” she boasted proudly, puffing her chest.

Dipper raised his index finger. “Almost seventeen,” he chimed in. “But Mabel, c’mon. Let us have at least a semi-serious conversation without you trying to make friends with her.”

Mabel turned around and blew a raspberry at her brother. “Boo! You’re so boring sometimes, Dipper!”

She sat back down next to her brother, and crossed her legs again.

“Now then, where were we…” Dipper trailed off.

“We were talkin’ about how long my brainiac brother and her knew each other,” Stan reminded him.

Dipper’s eyes lit up before he snapped his fingers. “Right!” His gaze zeroed in on me. “My point in asking that question was because Great Uncle Ford didn’t really begin to trust us until Mabel got that unicorn hair for him.”

I looked at the three of them quizzically. Unicorns are real? Or was this just the overactive imagination of teenagers?

“Kid, she’s from a normal town. Unicorns probably are a myth where she’s from,” Stan told Dipper.

I nodded. “Or so I thought… but after seeing some of the oddities Gravity Falls has to offer, I’d say I believe in the existence of unicorns,” I told them.

Mabel had a super serious face on. “Then believe me when I say that they are so condescending,” Mabel said.

Holy crap. I thought unicorns were supposed to be pure hearted or whatever? Now I’m hearing the opposite?

Nothing really is as it seems in Gravity Falls…

“Mabel, focus!” Dipper said in a tone of frustration.

Mabel shook her head. “Right! Sorry…” she said. “The point Dipper is trying to make is that it took Grunkle Ford so long for him to trust us that he’s shook that Grunkle Ford was so friendly to you within a week.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, did you mean shocked?” I asked.

Mabel shook her head. “Nope. Dipper was shook,” she doubled down on her grammatically incorrect statement.

That must be the slang the kids came up with these days. Now that I’m an adult myself, I understand how my grandmother felt when I used slang terms.

“While you’re right, Sister, you know that ‘shook’ has been out for a while. No one except you uses it anymore,” Dipper said.

“Oh, you’re just salty that I finally used it right!” Mabel said.

“Oh, does that mean he’s weird?” I asked.

Dipper looked at me like I had three heads, but Mabel gave me a gentle pat on my arm.

“That was a good guess,” she said, before returning to sit with her brother.

“That… wasn’t even close,” he said.

I scratched my cheek as I felt both of them become hot. “I guess I’m showing my age, then.”

“Actually, speaking of which, how old are you? You look pretty young for someone trying to go after our great uncle.”

“Oh my gosh, Dipper!” Mabel exclaimed. “You can’t just ask a woman how old she is! That’s rude!”

“Actually, I wanna know how old this vixen is. How old are you?” Stan asked me.

“Grunkle Stan~!” Mabel whined.

“Can it, Mabel! We need answers!”

“I’ll be twenty seven a week from today,” I told them.

“Shit, kid… you’re a lot younger than I thought,” Stan said.

“Wow, that’s… controversial,” Dipper added.

“What do you mean?”

Dipper shook his head. “The fact that you’re friends with my Grunkle, and he’s in his sixties…”

“That shouldn’t matter. But with that being said,” I started. “I understand that you just want to make sure your great uncle is being safe, and I totally understand that. I haven’t hurt him, nor do I intend on consciously hurting him.”

“Bah! Your words mean nothing! How the hell are we gonna trust ya?” Stan asked.

Mabel stood up again, and stepped forward. “I’ll be the judge of that!”

“Mabel, sweetie, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Stan said. “This is a strange woman that you, I, and your brother don’t know.”

“So let’s get to know her, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel said, determination in her voice. “If she’s so bad, you need to give me at least one reason why I shouldn’t hang out with her. If it's for a decent reason, then I’ll stop.”

“Well… uh… urm…” Stan stammered.

So why the hell doesn’t he like me?

“Then it’s settled!” Mabel turned to me, saying my name. “We’re going to be great friends! I can feel it!”

Seeing this vibrant young lady in front of me blazed in determination, I couldn’t help but smile. “Let’s be friends.”

“Yay! Friendship, friendship, friendship~”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too happy, pumpkin,” Stan said, standing up. “I’ll find a flaw in her, and when I do, you’re gonna know that I’m right.”

Mabel smiled. “Okay, Grunkle Stan,” she told him. As he walked to the door, he opened it, and Ford was standing there, looking indignant.

“Oh… well, uh, shit,” Stan said. “How long ya been there, Poindexter?”

“Long enough,” he seethed in a low tone. He pushed past his brother, and entered into the attic and went towards Mabel.

“Thank you for giving her a chance, my darling,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. Mabel gave a half smile.

He then turned to Dipper. “Dipper, my boy. Come with me to my laboratory. You too,” he said my name. We both stood up, then went down to his lab. The way to get down to his lab was so cool. I marvel at it every time.

Using a vending machine to hide the entrance way was so innovative, inconspicuous and just overall ingenious.

And using symbols that aren’t seen in everyday life? Brilliant!

Once we descended to the deepest level, we got off of the elevator. Ford then turned around and placed his hands behind his back.

“Dipper… do you not trust my judgement?” Ford asked him, hurt palpable in his voice.

“Great Uncle Ford, what do you mean? Of course I do!” Dipper reassured him.

“You must not,” Ford said. “You, along with my brother, think that I am not able to detect a bad person when I see them.”

“Wha- are you talking about-”

Ford cut him off. “Yes, I am.”

“Great Uncle Ford, it was never my intention to make you feel like your judgement was off… even though you trusted Bill… but that’s in the past. Your judgement has been sharp since then!” Dipper tried to assuage him.

Who is Bill? What did he do? What happened?

I have a mountain of questions right now, and I don’t think I’m gonna have any of them answered in the near future.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that, my boy. She is a good person, and I was able to promptly pick up on that,” Ford clarified.

“But how do you know, Great Uncle Ford? How do you know that she is a good person?”

Ford was about to open his mouth, but I stepped in front of him, then turned to face Dipper.

“Dipper… I know you don’t trust me now…” I started. “But the only way you’ll know for sure is if you spend time with me. Your sister has already put her faith in me, and it would mean a lot to me if you could, too.”

Dipper studied my face, searching for a trace of insincerity. Upon finding none, he finally nodded.

“Fine. I’ll spend some time with you, like my sister will,” he finally spoke. “But if I find that you’re using him just like Bill… I will never forgive myself.”

I nodded determinedly at Dipper. “You can trust me, Dipper. You’ll see in time. More importantly, you can trust your great uncle.”

Dipper sighed. “Yeah, I hope that’s the case, that I can trust you,” Dipper said, defeated.

“Chin up, my boy,” Ford said. “You’ll see why I enjoy having her around. For now, you can find some snacks in the cupboard before Soos makes dinner.”

Dipper raised a bushy eyebrow. “Soos is cooking now? He always ate burrito bites and anything instantaneous.”

Ford smiled. “Fatherhood really had him step up his game. Not only as a husband, but as a grandson.”

“Wow, I gotta catch up with him for sure!” Dipper then turned to me, saying my name. “I-I’m sorry about earlier.”

I shook my head. “I understand, Dipper. You just wanted to protect your great uncle from someone strange.”

Dipper smiled. “You’re anything but,” he said. “See you both at dinner.”

We both waved to him before I turned to Ford. He just had a look of mixed emotions on his face, somewhere from sadness to relief to anger, to even looking apologetic.

“I deeply apologize for the onslaught you had to endure on behalf of my family. I hope they weren’t too unrelenting in their questioning.”

I shook my head. “I told you many times, Stanford, and I’ll tell you again,” I said. “I really don’t mind. In fact, I find it heartwarming.”

Ford raised an eyebrow. “Heartwarming?” he said. “How on Earth did you find that heartwarming?”

“It’s so blatantly clear that you have a family that loves you. So much so to the point where they would ruthlessly interrogate someone who they thought could be a potential threat to you. If that isn’t a strong familial love and bond, I don’t know what is,” I told him.

Ford scratched the back of his head. “I suppose you’re right.”

I smiled coyly. “Of course I’m right,” I told him smugly.

Ford chuckled. “You’re such a cheeky girl. I never expected you to have a sly side.”

His praise made my heart skip a beat.

I maintained my smile. “That’s some high praise coming from you.”

“Oh, my dear, you should be used to me praising you,” he said in a deep voice, making me feel all hot inside.

Ugh, why is this happening? Have I really been so lonely that this man is starting to ignite a flame inside of me?

It’s been extinguished for a while, actually. I’m surprised it’s starting back up again. If it’s even starting up at all. This basement does tend to get hot.

“Gracious, are you okay? Please, say something!” Ford asked, his hands on my shoulders.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Ford. I got lost in thought.”

Ford sighed a breath of relief, I smelt the coffee he normally drank on his breath. “Thank goodness. I was just telling you that dinner is ready, so we can go get some food to eat.”

I nodded. “I think I need something inside of me.”

Oh, fuck! That came out so wrong! I hope Ford didn’t pick up on that!

“You certainly do. Come, dear. Let’s go eat.”

I nodded before following him onto the elevator. In somewhat comfortable silence, we rode the elevator up to the first floor of the Mystery Shack, and we went into the dining room.

Soos was nowhere to be seen, but the young twins, Dipper and Mabel, were at the table, plus Stan. I decided to sit next to Ford, but as I was sitting down, Stan decided to voice his displeasure.

“Uh-uh. Stand up,” he said my name.

“Stanley! Enough!” Ford thundered. “This is becoming utterly ridiculous! Leave her be!”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks as Stan muttered something underneath his breath before Soos came back out. He had a joyful look on his face, which dropped once he saw the table.

“Hey dudes! …what happened?” He asked.

None of us cared to verbally answer him, so he just shrugged and sat down. Apparently, he had made enchiladas, which I strangely craved.

The dinner itself was awkward, but it wasn’t the worst one I sat through.

I thanked Soos for the dinner, and said my goodbyes to Dipper, Mabel and Stan.

Before I left, Mabel gave me her number. Just for me to give her some tips on how to become a succubus.

Goodness, that girl is a hoot.

Ford walked me back to my home, and once I arrived, I turned to him.

“Thanks for walking me back, again,” I told him.

Ford smiled. “It was the least I could do after you had to survive the onslaught,” he said as I laughed.

“I told you, it’s fine,” I said. “But if you want to spend time together… you know how to reach me.”

Ford maintained his smile. “That I do,” he said. “Goodnight, dear. Get some rest.”

“You too. Rest well.”

As I entered my home and closed the door, he began walking back. Even though I was somewhat joking the first time we met at the diner, I’m kinda glad he’s walking me back home. It makes me feel safe whenever he’s with me.

As I got ready for bed, and laid in it, I couldn’t fall asleep right away like I normally do. What was happening with my body, too?

I normally wasn’t so hot and bothered around him. His voice is naturally deep, but at that time…

Shit. I think he turned me on by accident. I think my flame has been reignited.

I need a cold shower.

💚

Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Check back next Friday for another chapter! Next chapter here.

[goat-and-a-pig]

Chapter 28

Stan stabbed Ford’s eyeball. “No!” Ford cried out, but it was too late. Stan’s hand fell to the floor as his eyes rolled back into his head. Ford desperately searched for a pulse, but found none. He dropped his head in despair.

Meanwhile, Bill had his own thing going on.

“What’s happening? Wait- No! No, no, no, no, NO!” He screamed. Ford looked back at him with his good eye. Bill appeared to be glitching. Bill looked at his hands and screamed, “Curse the Axolotl!” Ford put his hand over his bleeding eyeball and backed Bill into a corner near the window. “Time to say goodbye for good, Bill Cipher.” He pushed him out of the window. Bill screamed and faded away. Ford shuddered, then ran back to Stan.

“Stan, please! I- I can’t-” He placed his hands over Stan’s gut and began to chant.

“A-X-O-L-O-T-L!

This human has been- killed-

I invoke the ancient power that he may return!”

Nothing happened.

Ford bowed his head and began to cry. He couldn’t save Stan without Bill’s power now that Bill was gone. He should’ve known it wouldn’t work.

A single tear mixed with his blood and fell onto Stan’s stomach and began to glow. Ford heard the phantom echo of Bill’s mocking laughter. He shuddered. Stan opened his eyes. “Wh-what’s going on here? Sixer?” The color returned to his cheeks. Ford laughed out of relief. “Stanley! Thank goodness! I thought you were gone for good…”

Stan coughed. “Yeah, usually that’s what happens when someone dies. Look, what time is it?” He checked his watch. “That’s fine, we’ve got about fifteen minutes until the kids open up the portal for us. We should get down there and get ready, okay?” They made their way down using Ford’s hair. Before they got started walking, Ford tugged on Stan’s sleeve.

“Could you, um, cut it? My hair? It like, gets in the way, and um, it reminds me of-” Stan waved him off. “Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.” But Ford knew that he cared and understood what he was trying to say. Stan wiped off his dagger and sliced through Ford’s hair. He gasped. His head felt so much lighter! Stan continued to chop at it until it was nice and short. “You’re lucky you’ve got curly hair,” he grunted. “Makes it easier to look okay. Here.” He ripped off a strip of his shirt and tied it around Ford’s head, creating a makeshift eyepatch. “Thank you,” Ford said gratefully. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. C’mon.”

They set off again for the portal.

_____

Mabel was waiting for them when they got back. “Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! You’re alright!” She broke into a relieved smile. Dipper frowned. “And covered in blood! And Ford, your eye!!! Stan?!? Are you two okay?!?” Mabel butted in. “Is he gone?” She asked nervously. Ford laughed at the range of emotions. “Yes, we’re fine, Dipper. Yes, Mabel, he’s gone.” She whooped. It was easy for Ford to forget sometimes that he wasn’t the only one abused.

Abused? Never! He took you in when- Aaagh! No! Stop it brain! He frowned involuntarily at his thoughts. Stan teared up beside him. “Kids!” He cried. “I’m so glad you’re both okay!” Mabel beamed and hugged him. Stan seemed taken aback, but eventually got Dipper and Ford into it too.

When they broke apart, Dipper spoke. “You guys get outta here and go to the Cuddly Plaidypus. We’ll meet you in an hour, okay? Oh, and it’ll be deserted. Don’t worry about it. They’re all just upstairs, fighting.”

Ford crouched. “Be safe, okay? I can’t have anything happening to my favorite grandniece and nephew.” They smiled at each other.

Then Stan and Ford set off for the Cuddly Plaidypus.

_____

When they got there, the place was indeed deserted except for a boy. “Hello, I’m Robbie, I’ll be taking your order for toni-” He froze when he saw who was there. Clearly he hadn’t forgotten about ratting Stan out. “You can leave,” Stan said tiredly. Robbie bolted out the door. They set up at a small table. I’ve got some questions,” Ford said.

“Hit me,” Stan replied.

He decided to start off with an easier one. “I think I’m the second oldest, so who’s our older brother? Or are you the oldest and our mysterious third brother is the youngest? Why isn’t the oldest the king? Why me?”

Stan breathed out. “You sure know how to start a conversation,” he said dryly. “I’m the youngest, actually. Shermie is the older, other brother.” Shermie’s face clicked into place with some memories attached. “He was going to be king, but he decided to get married to the princess of Pied Mount instead. She was an only child, so he went to rule with her and the throne was left to you. He’s Dipper and Mabel’s grandpa. My turn.”

Ford processed  all of the information, then heard the last sentence. “Huh?”

“I’ve got questions for you too! How did you remember?” Ford absentmindedly ran his hand through his newly shorn hair. “I was looking through the journals and recognized my handwriting. I realized I wrote the journals, and by extension, that I was the king. I remembered my first act as king, you getting thrown out, and us playing when we were boys. Did we want to be knights?”

“Yep, that was the dream. When we learned you were going to be king, it had to evolve, but it just meant you were gonna be head of the country and I was gonna be head of the guard, until…” He drifted off. “It wasn’t your fault,” Ford said fiercely. “I remember that much.”

Stan laughed. “But it was. It was all my fault. Dad made sure that I knew it. I’m the one who broke your machine, therefore it’s all my fault.” Ford grabbed Stan’s hand. “If you’re going to play it that way, then fine! I forgive you.” Stan blinked rapidly. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Ahem. Um, so is that all, or what?” He asked gruffly.

“Just one.” Ford held up a finger. “Who is Fiddleford McGucket? Why do I get such strong emotions thinking about him? Oops, I guess that was two.” He laughed sheepishly. Stan grimaced. “Oh boy, here we go… I have a feeling we’ll be leaving soon after this. Better keep your shoes on.” But before he could delve into it (why was the entire multiverse trying to keep Ford from him?) Robbie ran back in. “Hi, I need to talk to you? It’s kind of important.”

“Just a few more minutes, Living Dead,” Stan grunted. Robbie quickly stepped away again.

“Anyway, Fiddleford McGucket was… is… your husband.” Stan scratched his head.

It all came back in a flash. Meeting him, dating him, marrying him…

Leaving him.

He stood up all at once, nearly knocking over the table. “Let’s go now! I’ve got to get back to him at once!” His emotions choked him. “Whoa, whoa, hold your horses- Mabel and Dipper will be back soon. Let’s at least wait for them. Okay?” Ford nodded mutely as Robbie came back in. “What do you want?!?” Stan shouted irritably. Robbie gulped, then bowed.

“Your majesty, I think I can help you.”

[celestial-requiem]

@plaidypus tagged me in some thing so I guess I'll do it

Three Ships: In no particular order other than the first three that come to mind.

Sora x Riku - Kingdom Hearts: The ship of my childhood. Pretty sure the only fandom ship I have ever written fanfic for (when I was in high school....it has almost certainly been lost to time now). I fell off of KH for nearly 10 years but picked up Dream Drop Distance a couple years ago and MY GOD the gay pining. These bitches gay, good for them.

Luck x Ludovica - Tiger, Tiger: I love them, your honor....Complete nerd who's so far in the closest even she doesn't realize she's gay meets flirty eldritch god beast with a massive ego. It's a perfect combo.

Buggy x Crocodile x Mihawk - One Piece: Listen. I'm not even at Cross Guild stuff yet but the fanart. It's so spicy. It's like 75% of the reason I even started watched OP in the first place. I can pinpoint the exact piece of fanart that made me go :eyes: maybe I should watch this show... And here I am, over 300 episodes later and still going. I'm fully aware that I'm not getting to Cross Guild any time soon but I'm hooked without it anyways rip in pieces to me.

First Ever Ship: This for sure was not my first but it's the oldest one I can think of. Kovu and Kiara from Lion King 2. I have always been a sucker for the misunderstood bad boy(/girl/NB/person). Also One of Us is literally Disney's best song don't @ me.

Last Song: Tot Musica by Ado I have been listening to nothing but Ado for three weeks now and it's almost entirely because of One Piece kjahsf although my buddy introduced me to her music before the movie came out so I was already into her stuff.

Last Movie: Rocky Horror Picture Show at a Halloween party lmao. We also watched Us and Coraline.

Currently Reading: Pretty sure it was Isles of Abandonment by Cal Flyn. Very interesting read about the impact that humans have on a place after they've abandoned it. I really need to get back into listening to audio books while I'm at work...

Currently Watching: You might be surprised to hear it's One Piece. But I have slowed down a bit because Water 7/Enies Lobby broke me a little bit ;_;

Currently Consuming: Water and some mini cookies n cream bars...(my mom sent us so much fucking Halloween candy help)

Currently Craving: Nothing. Had a delicious dinner of fish and chips with some green beans that Py made and I am satisfied.

I ain't gonna tag anyone because I'm a lazy fuck. Fill this out if you wanna. Or don't.

[idontknowijuststartedsomething]

Gravity, Ghosts, and Gems

Part 6

It must have only lasted for a couple seconds, as it seemed the light flew through the walls into their room and back out again.

“What was that!?”

“Did you see that thing?”

“Yeah, but I don’t even know what thing I saw.”

Dib and Dipper sat motionless for a few moments, still staring in awe towards the roof.

“I-I also heard a scream. Like a persons scream.”

“But there’s no way!?!” Dib responded with his ‘characteristic level-headedness’. “That thing flew through the roof at 100 miles an hour and was brighter that the sun. That couldn’t have been a person!”

“In this town, ya never know.” Those words caught Dib’s attention. They’d been talking about weird stuff Dipper had found in the forest and how some of the towns people are a bit, quirky, but never anything like this.

“Ok, you’ve been talking about a plaidypus and weird ducks and I was like ‘ok there’s some paranormal stuff in this town but kinda on the side’. But there is nothing on the side about mysterious screaming orbs going flying through the wall! You know more. More stuff about this town that you’re not telling me.” Dib has said it in such an accusatory way that Dipper felt kind of offended(even though he knew Dib was right), so he got defensive.

“Oh what, I know you for like a week and the first thing I’m supposed to say is ‘last summer we fought a giant inter-dimensional demon and saved the whole world from destruction, and while you’re in town try the pancakes?!”

Dib’s jaw hung open, stunned

“You fought a what?”

Dipper’s eyes widened and he slapped his hand to his mouth, not realizing all the things he just said. The two sat for what felt like an eternity, until Dipper finally let our a loud sigh.

“Okay....”

...

Dib sat quietly as Dipper told him about last summer. About everything. About Bill, about the portal, about his uncles, about the rock that looks like a face rock. Dipper felt exhausted after he was done, like everything he had been through last year was now right back in his face. Both were still for a moment before Dib finally stood up.

“This is great!”

“Excuse me?”

“I knew there was something really off about this town! Something s p o o k y. An-and now that I’m not the only one who knows, maybe my dad will believe me!”

“Um, just so you know, dealing with inter dimensional chaos demons isn’t as happy and fun as it sounds. Stuff got really messed up.” Dipper whispered “I got really messed up.”

Dib either didn’t hear what his friend was saying or he didn’t care. He was too pumped up about the possibility of paranormal investigatoring (go with it) with someone else. Someone who actually believe. Someone who actually cared. “Do the other two know?”

“Who? Steven and Danny?”

Dib nodded.

“No. I haven’t really had long conversations about stuff like I’ve had with you. Besides, they don’t seem like the paranormal investigator types.”

“True. All of the kids at my skool don’t believe a single thing I say. If we told them there were demons and aliens and ghosts out there, they’d probably laugh right in our faces. Still...”

“What?”

“What if we could prove to them all that stuff. Tell them about last year and go find something out in the woods. If we have more people who actually believe us..”

“Then everyone will see that we’re not crazy!”

“Even dad!”

The two boys high-fived each other and started figuring out to tell Steven and Danny.

“Maybe we could say we’re going into the woods and they should come with us because of like, the buddy system or whatever.”

“But there would already be two of us.”

They sit in deep contemplation over this.

“Yeah but the way they see it, were still just little kids.” Dipper still felt like that, even though he was 13, technically a teen. “Maybe they’ll come along to ‘make sure we don’t hurt ourselves.’”

“Good idea. But what should we tell them in the first place. That this weird thing flew through the roof and that there’s all sorts of crazy stuff out there?”

“Probably something like that. I mean, I’ve seen the way they looked at the stuff my room. They already know I believe in this stuff, so it shouldn’t be that hard to convince them that we’re going out looking for monsters.”

“That sounds like a plan. But ya know, even then I’m sure one of them will say ‘there’s no such thing as monsters’” Dib said in a condescending voice. The two had a little laugh before Dib eventually had to get back to the hotel. On his way out through the gift shop, he ran into Danny, visibly in a bad mood and dragging that stupid costume behind him. He noticed for a second that his eyes look brighter and there appeared to be wood bits in his hair, but bid just chocked it up to the room lighting and the fact that Danny had to walk under massive tress and through the woods.

...

When Dib finally got back to the hotel room, he booted up his laptop and started researching all the stuff Dipper had told him about, as well as backing up his files on Zim so that he could tell Dipper all about it tomorrow. However, when Dib tried to google one of the names his friend had mentioned, his computer went dead. At this he realized it was late and that his computer must be out of batteries. He plugged the device in and went to sleep. What he failed to notice was that his computer was on full charge when it went dark, and now his google history was missing one search. All he had managed to type was “bi”.

[whoslaurapalmer]

gravity falls!

oooooo!!

blorbo: oh boy. do i have a blorbo for gravity falls???? it's probably mabel. i love everybody so much but i love mabel so much and she's probably the one i've thought about the most. i don't think about wendy and pacifica a great great deal but i love them both a lot too and they were very much not gonna fit anywhere else in this scrunkly: okay. okay. look. the plaidypus. in terms of 'so shaped' the plaidypus is just very friend shaped and i like things that are friend shaped. i have considered buying a plaidypus but i do not know where i would put the plaidypus.

scrimblo bimblo: xyler and craz! are they underappreciated at all?????? i just think they're fun. funky boys. glup shitto: THE KID IN POOL JAIL, also zanthar bc zanthar looks like a loaf of bread and has a party hat

poor little meow meow: hmmm. see i feel like the pivotal point of the poor little meow meow, in my vague understanding of the meow meow, is the patheticness??? in terms of i guess 'problematic' it's not that i love bill eternally, bill scares the shit out of me BUT i really like bill as a character and think he's a fun time, but bill is by no means the poor little meow meow. is.......is ford a meow meow horse plinko: quentin trembley, BECAUSE i don't want to torment him but i think he in particular would just get a kick out of the horse plinko. he looks pleasantly floppy. i think he'd have a good time. oh i would put bill in the horse plinko but i think he'd get stuck like a little dorito chip. i know i don't have to interpret this as 'physically putting the character in the horse plinko specifically' but that's where i went

eeby deeby: celestabellebethabelle.

[nightfoliage]

Fic - Renovations

Series: Gravity Falls

Pairing: Stancest - Stanford Pines/Stanley Pines

Prompt: Abuelita installs a stripper pole.

Summary: After almost a year on the sea, Stan and Ford make their way back to the Mystery Shack. They’re looking forward to seeing Dipper and Mabel, and Gravity Falls. However, they weren’t expecting all these changes...

Tags and Warnings: Stancest, Incest, Twincest, Pines family, Gravity Falls as family, new people working in the Shack, mentions of sex (fade to black), and a grandmother that wants great-grandchildren.

Author’s Note: Written for the 2017 Stancest Scavenger Hunt! I finally got to looking over this fic. I had actually submitted this fic when it was only about 2100 words. There were a lot of things that had to be cut if I wanted to finish this prompt quickly. Now, after editing, it’s almost double that length. I think out of all the fics that I submitted for the scavenger hunt this may be my favorite.

Word Count: ~4900

Date Published: January 22, 2018

Read below or on ao3:

“Ta-da!”

Soos poses in his Mr.Mystery outfit in front of the Mystery Shack. He smiles brightly and gestures towards his home.

However, Stan isn't paying a lick of attention to Soos. All he can do is look in horror at the monstrosity in front of him.

“What the hell is this?” Stan says, still staring. Where once was a clear area for some of his more popular attractions, now homes dozens of small partitions. He doesn’t even know where to look. All he knows is that he smells and hears live animals, things he never wanted to keep permanently at the Shack. (Waddles and Gompers didn’t count.)

Soos chuckles, not at all perturbed by Stan’s reaction. “It's the Weird Petting Zoo. It's one of the new attractions I came up with. I'll show you.”

“Hrmph,” Stan crosses his arms and scowls at the change and Ford tries not to snigger at the sight. See how Stan likes it: coming back to massive changes to his home. At least Stan is coming back to the Mystery Shack. Ford came back to see his den of science turned into a hokey tourist trap.

Stan continues to grumble, but doesn't say anything else to deter Soos. Soos takes that as the okay to start a tour.  Stan and Ford follow Soos to the first couple of pens.  Both tourists and townspeople alike are cooing over the animals.

“Here we have, Pigasus! He’s a very rare, winged pig. We can only keep him here because we feed it his favorite food,” Soos gestures to the pen.

“Isn’t that Waddles with wings and a horn glued to him?” Stan says.

“Yup. He likes napping in the sun and he doesn’t mind when kids pet him,” Soos agrees. He reaches into the pen and gives Waddles a good ear rub. Waddles wriggles in delight, but doesn’t dislodge his costume.

Ford whistles when he sees how much the feed costs. “You’re charging ten dollars for a handful of crackers?”

“Yup. Waddles- I mean, Pigasus can eat like seven of those in a minute.” Soos says.

Stan can’t help but crack a smile at that.

Waddles looks at them with big eyes and oinks. Even at over two hundred pounds, the pig is still disgustingly adorable. When Soos’ back is turned, Stan gives the pig a quick pat on the head. Ford almost laughs, but manages to hold it in. He too gives Waddles an affectionate pat.

Stan gestures for Soos to continue. They walk over to the next pen, walled this time, but no ceiling and Soos fakes a gasp. “Oh my. It looks like we have a sheepish customer,” he says, pointing inside.

Stan and Ford gather around at the entrance so they can see what’s there. 

Ford snorts at the sight.

“Isn’t that Gompers dressed up in Mystery Shack merchandise?” Stan says.

Soos laughs. “Yup!”

“The walls painted like the gift shop are a nice touch,” Ford says.

“Tons of people love buying a shirt and taking a picture with Gompers, which we totally charge for,” Soos says. “Tambry did a great job.”

Stan chuckles. “Tourists. You gotta love those moneybags.”

Soos smiles brightly, seeing Stan finally crack a smile. Stan looks much more amicable after seeing the first few exhibits. He starts looking around with a more open mind.

Another exhibit catches Stan’s eye and he walks over to it. “Oh hey, look at these little guys. How did you get them here?”

There’s an exhibit with a beaver and a duck that reminds Ford all too much of the main character of the duck show that Stan and the kids enjoy. The beaver has a fake dam setup in it’s pen and the duck has a nice forest and grassy area. In between them is a mystery sign and a platypus. The platypus has a combination of the two pens.

The platypus is cute. He didn’t think platypuses were native to the area. Ford takes a second look at the platypus, but it continues to swim around merrily, oblivious to his attention.

“Oh, I had some outside help. But they started coming here because we feed them. And only the ones that like to be pet, stay. Sometimes they come, and sometimes they don’t.” Soos waves at the duck who quacks.

They continue to tour the zoo and each attraction is as kitchy as the rest. Every attraction makes Stan’s eyes roll, but he also smiles wider and wider with each one. Ford decides to laugh and enjoy them with him. He’s actually a bit sad he didn’t get to enjoy the Mystery Shack when Stan was Mr.Mystery. Then again, he’s got the feeling that Soos has learned well from his brother.

They get greeted by many of the townsfolk who are also enjoying the zoo.

“Pretty popular, huh?” Stan says

“Yeah, the townsfolk love the animals.” Soos gestures. Then he whispers, “They don't buy into it as much as the tourists do.”

Stan slaps the boy on the back. “Always wanna do good by the folks you live with,” Stan agrees.

Soos looks delighted.

Ford tries not to snort.

Manly Dan passes them, holding lumber and some crackers and Stan looks curiously at him.

Soos chuckles, “Although, some of them give us free stuff for the shack to use.”

Stan whistles when he realizes that the other townsfolk must have helped with the zoo. “You’re a natural Soos.”

Soos suddenly flushes red and starts to laugh. He can’t get any words out and they wait for him to calm down. He doesn’t calm down, but manages to start walking towards another area of the Mystery Shack.

There’s a small fountain installed and Stan and Ford give it a look over, while Soos finally manages to get a hold of himself. It has a question mark motif and there’s an odd creature installed in the middle.

“The Mystery Fountain,” Soos squeaks. Then he gains a little more confidence and uses his Mr.Mystery voice, “Find out what happens when you throw in a coin and don’t forget to make a wish!”

“Sure, why not,” Stan says to Ford’s surprise. Stan tosses in a penny and it disappears when it hits the bottom. “Hey! That’s a neat trick. Sure prevents people from getting their change back.”

“Right? I learned that one from you,” Soos admits.

Stan laughs, “You sure did.”

Stan and Soos move on, but Ford looks at the fountain a little more carefully. He stares at the design before catching up.

They move onto an arcade and coin area and Ford spots a very familiar pinball game. However, his attention is pulled away when Stan tugs him over to a particular machine.

“Oh hey, Goldie is here. And he has an honorary space.” Then Stan looks slyly at Ford. “Hey, Ford, wanna kiss your husband?”

Ford playfully pushes Stan towards Goldie, “Why don’t you kiss him, if you love him so much.”

Stan gives him a shit eating grin and plants a loud smooch on the statue’s forehead.

“Yup, he’s the mascot of this area. We made it so that you can’t put coins in him anymore,” Soos says.

“Heh,” Stan gives Goldie an affectionate rub. “I'll try out another one then.”

Ford almost cringes when he sees the machine that Stan picks. It looks like a badly made jackalope and one of it’s eyes is visibly drooping. The coin makes it wiggle, dishearteningly. Most of the other machines here look like they would do the same. Ford isn’t very impressed. He gets that Soos is trying to imitate Stan, but he wonders about the boy. And how did people fall for this?

Stan, however, looks at the jackalope carefully. He squints and starts walking around the machine. “How did you get it to do that? I stole Goldie, I didn’t have to make him. This jackalope isn’t attached to anything.”

Ford looks curiously at the jackalope. Now that he looks at it, the creature doesn’t look like a contraption like Goldie is. It looks like one of the unmoving attractions that fill the Mystery Shack.

“Well,” Soos takes a look around. Then whispers, “Since the coast is clear, why don’t we take a look.”

Stan and Ford share a look.

Soos knocks on the front of the machine. There’s an answering knock, and Soos goes to open up the front. Inside is a tray for the coins and several… gnomes?

“Shmebulock.”

Most of the gnome is clearly in the jackalope, while the rest of his body is dangling from the ceiling of the box. He doesn’t seem very concerned about his situation. Another gnome seems to reflexively hiss at them, before stopping and waving.

Stan whistles and Ford gasps.

Soos takes a few cookies out of his pocket and gives it to the gnomes. They take them gratefully. Then they close the box.

“They like to be paid in cookies and sometimes butterflies,” Soos says nonchalantly as if he didn’t just admit to hiring gnomes to work in the Mystery Shack. But now that Stan and Ford look around…

Stan takes a look around and realizes that there are some legit weird things, possibly weirder than his run at the Mystery Shack. Gnomes in the machines, a Manotaur as a statue, some of the decorations looking rather real…

Ford looks around and sees that some of the exhibits are real. These aren’t just useless attractions, there are some dangerous anomalies here. The fountain, the plaidypus, the gnomes, who knew what else was actually real. The whole place was a death trap.

“Soos.” Stan says deadly serious. “You are a genius!”

Soos lights up, then shakes his head, “Oh, it wasn’t me. The townspeople wanted to know more about Gravity Falls. And you know, these dudes wanted to find out how they could get human stuff. We get along now,” He says with a shrug.

Stan shakes his head. “That's how things are now, huh. After all that hiding its like this.”

Ford tries not throw up in his mouth. The first time he came back to Gravity Falls, so many things had changed. And now he comes back to this change: that things aren’t so mysterious anymore. He doesn’t know how to react.

“Okay, tell me what else is different. I mean we’re on a boat, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use any of these new ideas,” Stan says a little too gleefully. Ford gratefully turns his attention to Stan. He’ll have to pay attention and make sure that his brother isn’t trying to bring any schemes onto the ship.

Then Stan sniffs into the air. “Hey, what’s that smell?”

“Oh! That’s right! We sell food at the Shack now. It’s just hot dogs and hamburgers, but bosses get to eat free.” Soos leads them over to the grill.

Stan pauses when they get close enough to see who’s manning the grill. “Robbie?”

Robbie looks up and gives Soos a high five. “Eyyy, Mr.Mystery! I’ll prep the usual?”

“Yup, and for my friends if you will,” Soos says pointing at the Stans.

Robbie looks over and grins at Stan. “Hey, Mr.Pines!”

Now that they’re closer, they notice Tambry, who’s sitting casually with her phone. She actually looks up at and offers a small smile to Soos, before going back to her cell.

“Uh, hey, Robbie,” Stan says.

“So what will you have?” Robbie asks.

Stan looks over at the menu, but barely glances at it before looking back at Robbie. Ford places a hand on Stan’s shoulder. He’ll choose something for them to eat, so Stan can interact with the young man.

Ford almost whistles at the prices.

“The Works for both of us, young man,” Ford says.

“You got it,” and Robbie goes to fill those orders.

While he does so, Stan sidles up to him. “So, working at the Shack? How’s that?”

Robbie continues to work with a smile and he doesn’t look at Stan when he answers, “Oh it’s great. I thought I was going to have to dig graves for the family business this summer, but then Soos offered me a job.”

“You’re a great addition, Robbie. And Tambry of course,” Soos adds cheerfully.

Robbie beams while he cooks and Tambry gives a thumbs up without looking up from her phone.

“Oh yeah, we wouldn’t be able to have half of the zoo if it wasn’t for Tambry,” Robbie brags.

Tambry shrugs, but her cheeks redden. “It’s no big deal,” she says.

Stan gives her what he thinks is a charming smile. Good thing the young woman isn’t looking at him. “Well, then you’re a great addition Tambry, we’re glad to have you,”

Tambry buries her face in her phone and Robbie shoots Stan a smile.  

“Order up,” Robbie says a moment later. He places a burger and two hot dogs in front of them. Then grabs a stamp from the grill to quickly press a question mark onto the buns in front of them. “So I have a a Mr.Mystery special and two The Works.”

Soos thanks the two teens and the three of them make their way to a private picnic table. There’s a sign labeling it for “Employees Only.”

When they sit down, Stan gruffly says, “So Robbie, huh?”

Soos shrugs. “He needed a place to work. And after training with Melody, he can man the grill and a cash box just fine.”

“And Tambry?”

“They’re dating, so she came over a lot. But then she started volunteering some ideas and her art skills for the attractions.”

Stan’s expression is a little less mutinous when he hears about the two dating. Stan nods and takes a bite out of his hot dog. “Good idea with the food. The price to cost value is good. How are the locals taking it?”

“Good actually! None of them buy the food here, they bring their own. And I actually have a thing set up where they can sell their food and products here in the Shack. You can buy Lazy Susan’s pies, and Manly Dan’s Jerky, Manotaur epic trail mix-“

“Wait what?” Ford says. He pauses mid bite, condiments dripping out of his hot dog and onto his plate.

“Oh yeah, everybody has something to offer. Most of them get that they can’t steal anymore, but they have to get the money from somewhere,” Soos says.

“But introducing capitalizing and economy to an ecosystem!” Ford cries. “They’re- They’re anomalies! Not- door to door salesman!” Ford continues to sputter.

Soos waits patiently for him to finish and continues to eat his burger.

“Ouch, door to door salesman. That’s an insult to you?” Stan laughs.

Ford unsuccessfully apologizes to Stan about the salesman comment and continues to rant about how these were majestic creatures, blah blah, that having humans interfere was, something something, and the integrity of it all- high handed (heh) metaphor-

“Psst.”

Someone whispers in Stans ear, but before he can look up, he gets yanked out of his seat. Ford doesn’t even notice, he’s too into his tirade, while Soos offers a small wave.

He’s quickly pulled to the side of the Shack.

“Before you try anything, I know a nerd and I ain’t afraid to use him,” Stan says when they finally stop.

A familiar voice laughs at him. “Good to know, Stan.”

Stan lights up and takes a good look at his captor. “Wendy! You look- Uh, different.”

Wendy laughs again, but he can’t blame her for that one. She does look different: more muscular and her hair is very short. She’s also wearing her hat again. Right, the kids have already arrived in Gravity Falls. She must have exchanged hats with Dipper.

“Yeah, I’ve started to help my dad with the logging business. You know, on the days that I don’t work at the Shack. I work some hours during the school year now.” The words are accompanied by a casual flex of her arm, and Stan swears that her biceps have doubled in size. Belgian waffles, has she changed.

Then he realizes that she’s working at the logging company. “Kid-” Stan doesn’t know how to ask his question delicately and he plows ahead, “-Wendy, I thought when you’re working with the Shack you didn't have to go with the logging group.”

Wendy shrugs, which is so like her that Stan doesn’t know how to continue.

“Wellll,” she leans against the Shack. “I talked to my dad, and you know, we talked. He’s stopped treating me like one of my brothers and he’s stopped treating me like my mom,” she says, playing with her short hair.

Oh.

“Oh,” he says aloud. That’s heavier then he’s expecting, not exactly like their usual interactions.

“I’m just trying to be me,” Wendy says with another shrug and an almost shy smile.

Stan returns the smile. He places a hand on her shoulder. “It suits you, Wendy.”

Wendy gives him a more confident smile and comes in for a hug, which he quickly returns. She’s even a bit taller and she feels strong, which she demonstrates by lifting him up, easily.

“Woah-ho! Easy there, I’m getting old now,” Stan says when she finally puts him down.

“Psh, you were always old Stan,” Wendy says, giving him a playful punch in the shoulder.

“Is that why you dragged me here? To show off how young and cool you are? Heh.”

“Nah, I just wanted to get a chance to talk to you without your other half. Didn’t want to surprise your old man heart.” Before Stan can ask what she means about ‘the other half’ comment, Wendy slings an arm over his shoulder and leads him back to the table. “C’mon, we can get back to them now.”

When they get back, Ford is still raving about the state of Gravity Falls.

“Now Mr.Pines, I understand that you were trying to preserve the natural order of the anomalies, but humans and Gravity Falls have always been interacting. Why can’t we integrate now that we acknowledge- oh hey Mr.Pines! Hey Wendy!” Soos gives them a wave.

Ford blinks, finally realizing that Stan wasn’t sitting next to him. Stan takes his seat next to Ford, while Wendy sits next to Soos.

“So did this guy talk your ear off?” Stan says, pointing at Ford.

“Nah, it’s cool. We were discussing the changes now that the eye society doesn’t exist,” Soos explains.

“Ugh, glad those guys are gone,” Wendy says.

Ford crosses his arms. “I still can’t believe Fiddleford developed a secret society without me.”

Stan rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you kids tell us more about what’s changed?”

Soos enthusiastically talks about some of the changes around town with Wendy chipping in. With Stan there he can curb some of Ford’s more enthusiastic responses. When they’re done eating, they continue looking at the various additions to the Mystery Shack. Each exhibit is atrocious and expensive, just like how the Shack should be.

When they walk through the gift shop Stan and Ford get introduced to Melody, who’s working the register. Stan elbows Soos and gives him a grin, while Ford makes an impressed noise. Wendy leads the old men out of the shop. However, they catch Soos squeezing Melody’s hand and promising he’ll switch with her soon.

By the end of the day, Stan is clapping Soos on the back telling him that he’s left the job to the right guy. Soos almost starts crying, and Ford has to rescue his brother from a crushing hug.

-000-

Later, Ford and Stan find themselves alone in the Mystery Shack.

Soos and Melody are over at Abuelita’s having dinner. Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy are having a party with some of the other townsfolk. Stan and Ford are actually grateful to spend their first night in Gravity Falls without the kids. Now they can take in the changes without the kids seeing their reactions.

Stan and Ford use the opportunity to go over the Mystery Shack. It certainly looks different: a bit cleaner, with newer technology, and quite a lot of the decor has been rearranged. The basement seems to be the only room to remain unchanged. Stan does a double take in quite a few of the rooms.

When Stan finally realizes that the couch has been swapped for a newer one, Ford finally mentions a thought he had this morning.

“You know,” Ford begins, “I almost thought you’d be angry at Soos for changing things.”

Stan pokes at the new couch and grumbles. “Yeah, maybe a little, but the kid’s done good work with the place. He’s got a good head on his shoulders, it’s why I left the Shack to him.”

It’s a pretty weighty confession coming from Stan. They’ve been more regular after last summer, but it still surprises Ford on occasion. The words make Ford taste an old bitterness. It’s on the tip of his tongue to bring up the old argument: about Stan building such an amazing home and family in his house and his name.

He lets the moment pass. After all, Stan is his now. They share everything, family and home included.

With that, Ford pulls Stan away from the couch to look at the other rooms.

Still, they’ve learned that it’s better to get things off their chest early instead of too late. “After I had come out of the portal, I was so angry when I saw what you had done with the house,” Ford admits. “And it was strange seeing other people in what I had thought was my space. For example, when I found out that this room had turned into Soos’ break room-”

Ford stops at the entrance. He stares, then looks up.

Nestled in the middle of the room is a shiny silver firefighter pole. He walks into the room and confirms that part of the ceiling is cut out (Soos sized), and a person could presumably slide down to this room from the upper floors.

Ford has to swallow at the sheer absurdity of the addition to the house, but has to admit that in a way, it suits the new Mystery Shack perfectly.

“Why would Soos install a stripper pole in the break room?” Stan wonders aloud when he walks inside.

Ford jolts, “Stripper- Can’t you see it’s a firefighter’s pole? There’s a hole in the ceiling, Stanley.”

“There is a hole in the ceiling,” Stan agrees. “That doesn’t mean it can’t be both. Not a bad idea having one of these babies in the Shack.”

Ford gapes, wondering how Stan can even associate a stripper pole with a boy that’s practically his son.

Stan laughs shamelessly, wraps his hand around the pole, and does an experimental swing. “Nice, It even spins. Definitely both, Stanford.”

“What does that have to do with anything? That isn’t even relevant to our current conversation,” Ford manages to sputter out, even as he stares at Stan’s hands wrapped around the silver metal. The man is handling the contraption like he’s had experience, and doesn’t that thought make Ford’s heart pound.

Stan notices the attention and smiles slyly at Ford.

“I dunno, Sixer. Is a stripper pole-” Stan smoothly wraps a leg around the item in question, “-relevant to our current conversation?”

“Uh…”

“It can be, if you admit that I’m right and you’re wrong,” Stan says with a grin. He does a slow spin and rubs himself indecently against the pole.

Ford swallows.

Ford runs to the door, locks it, pulls a chair up, and sits down primly. All his attention is focused on Stan. Stan looks back with a grin, rubbing his hands against the metal.

“I’m rarely wrong-” Ford starts, and Stan looks taken aback, but Ford continues, “But- I will admit that my mind is open to other opinions. Perhaps, you could convince me that I’m wrong.”

Stan grins wolfishly.

“Then get ready for the debate of your life, Sixer.”

-000-

It's the creaking that wakes Ford up.

What an unusual sound. He's already gotten used to the sound of the waves hitting the hull of the ship. It shouldn’t wake him up. Stan’s still snoring away at his side, but he’s long gotten used to that. The only logical conclusion is someone walking about the ship, but if Stan’s next to him who could be walking around-

Ford opens his eyes and sits up.

With growing horror, Ford realizes that there are people outside the room. He accesses his surroundings and sees that the sun has already risen and that it must be well into the day.

Is that Soos and Melody about to open up the Mystery Shack? Is it possibly Dipper and Mabel come to find their Grunkles? Is it Wendy and her friends hanging out in the Shack?

Or- Ford shudders at the thought- Soos has already opened the Mystery Shack and there are tourists walking about while Stan and Ford are NAKED!

He flies off the floor and immediately shoves himself into his pants. He searches frantically before finding his briefs and blushes when he smells them. Then he sniffs himself. Goodness, does he reek.

A loud snore fills the room.

Ford whips his head around to look at Stan.

Normally, the sight would fill him with happiness and contentment, and he would take time to admire the love marks on Stan, but right now all Ford can see is the fact that Stan is completely naked, with only a beanie to cover up his crotch.

“Stanley,” Ford whispers. He starts to gently shake his twin awake. “Wake up.”

Stan snorts awake, “Wha- what is it?”

“Get dressed,” Ford practically throws an outfit at Stan's face.

Stan slowly pulls a shirt over his head and puts on his boxers. “What's this about?” He asks, eyeing how Ford is frantically trying to clean the pole.

“It's already midday!” Ford wails. “And I do not want Dipper and Mabel or Soos or Melody or Wendy or- or anyone walking in and seeing what we did here!”

“Oh, oh!” Stan jumps up too. “Okay, nothing a little bit of elbow grease can't fix.”

But then he really looks: looks at the pole, at the rug, and at the furniture.

“Hot Belgian Waffles.”

“Quit looking and start helping,” Ford hisses.

Stan is about to talk back when they hear a familiar laugh. Ford pales. They look at each other in terror.

“There’s no way I'm letting my grand niece see this,” Stan says. He takes a look at the pole then stalks towards the rest of the clothes on the floor. Ford’s curiosity gets the better of him, and he stops polishing to follow his brother. Stan pulls out his inter-dimensional gun and promptly shoots the pole and some of the surrounding furniture.

Ford gapes.

“C’mon, Sixer. We should be fine as long as we can find the caution tape in time.”

-000-

“What happened here?” Mabel asks. She’s about to run into the break room, but the caution tape manages to slow her down enough that she notices the damage to the room. The cool firefighter pole that was installed there is melted, there are holes everywhere, and the room smells terrible. “Whoa! What happened here!”

“What do you mean, Mabel?” Dipper asks, then he spots the room. “Woah!”

“Good to see you too, kiddos,” a familiar voice says behind them.

Both their faces light up. “Grunkle Stan!” They exclaim, wrapping him in a hug. Their grunkle chuckles and squeezes back.

“Where were you this morning? Dipper and I have already been here like, at least half an hour,” Mabel asks.

Stan gives them another squeeze. “Sorry sweetie, I must have been in the shower.”

“What about Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asks.

“It’s his turn in the shower,” Stan answers.

“And what happened here?” Mabel points towards the room.

“Welllll, Ford and I got into a bit of an argument,” Stan tries to explain.

“That sounds more like a fight to me,” Dipper says sternly.

“Ah, you kids,” Stan says, then proceeds to mess up their hair. “Don’t worry about it. It was an accident.”

“You guys weren’t fighting?” Mabel asks, suspicious.

Stan gets on one knee so he can look at the twins in the eye. “I swear on my fortune that Ford and I were not fighting. It was a little disagreement which we resolved, happily. And if you were wondering, I was right, and he was wrong.”

Mabel and Dipper share a look.

“Sure, Grunkle Stan,” Dipper says.

“Whatever you say, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel adds.

They’ve learned that even if he lies, their Grunkle has their best interests in mind.

“Good,” Stan says as he stands up. “Now who’s ready for some Stancakes!”

-000-

Later that day, Soos brings up what happened to the Mystery Shack to his grandmother.

“Abuelita, the firefighter pole broke. I would fix it, but there’s the unveiling of the new attraction I have to prep for. Could I have the number of the guys who  installed it?”

“Oh mijo, I would be happy to tell you. As long as you think your spanish is good enough to ask for the repairs,” his grandmother replies.

“Darn. I don’t think my Spanish is good enough for something so complicated. I’m sorry, could you do it Abuelita?”

“Of course, Soos. In return, practice your Spanish so you can ask next time,” his Abuelita says with a sweet smile.

“Don’t worry, I will. Me and Melody are learning together.”

“Thank goodness you found such a good girl, yes?”

Soos chuckles, embarrassed. “I’m glad you suggested the firefighter pole, Abuelita,” Soos says trying to change the subject. “It's such a great addition to the Mystery Shack.”

His Abuelita gently pats his hand.

“Yes. That is exactly what I was thinking when I had it installed.”

[kittykat-creations]

Camping

"Ow! Junior, stop pulling on my hair!"

"Sorry," the boy smiled. He was riding in a carrier on Ford's back as he and Fiddleford hiked up the pass. He looked around, holding onto Ford's shoulders and rocking back and forth slightly.

"This place is kind'a neat, ain't it, Junior?" Fiddleford asked with a smile.

"Neat!" Junior chirped happily. "Where're we goin', Pa?"

"Right now, to the lake," Ford said. "But our final destination is a place I call Crash Site Omega. I found it before you were born. You remember everything you've read about aliens?"

"Yeah! They're from space and they're real smart and weird-lookin'," Junior said.

"They're real," Ford smiled. Junior gasped loudly and Ford winced.

"They are?!" Junior grinned. "No way!"

"Yes way," Ford laughed. "And we're going to their ship. They have some things there that we need for our project."

"Are we gonna get to meet aliens, Pa?" Junior asked, leaning his head forward to set on Ford's shoulder.

"No, I'm afraid not," Ford said. "They're not there anymore; just their ship."

"Aww," Junior pouted.

"Maybe someday, buddy," Ford smiled encouragingly and ruffled the boy's hair. He giggled, waving his hand away. Ford looked over at Fiddleford, who was panting and struggling to keep up. "Are you ok, Fiddleford?"

"No, Ah'm- Ah'm fine," Fiddleford lied. "Just a- bit tired."

"We can stop if you want," Ford offered. "It's about lunch time anyways."

"Yeah," Fiddleford sighed. "Alright."

The two of them settled by the side of the path, using a knocked-over tree as a bench. Ford pulled Junior out of the carrier and set him down beside him. Fiddleford passed out drinks and sandwiches. They all began to eat quietly, and Fiddleford took the break to draw a diagram in the dirt with a stick of what looked like robot legs.

Junior watched him and finished his sandwich. He then grabbed a stick and sat down on the ground beside Fiddleford, making his own doodle. The southerner smiled, watching Junior work.

"What'cha drawin', Junior?" Fiddleford asked.

"I think... a duck," Junior answered.

"It's a real good duck," Fiddleford said. "Yer a good artist."

Junior grinned and set the sit down, admiring the drawing.

"...hey, does anyone else smell maple syrup and bacon?" Ford asked. Just then, a small, plaid-colored creature waddled out from the nearby bushes and approached the family. He went for Fiddleford's sandwich, trying to get a bite.

"Hey there, lil' fella," Fiddleford smiled, tearing off a small piece of his sandwich and feeding it to the animal.

"A plaidypus!" Ford gasped, quickly pulling out his journal.

"A what?"

"Plaidypus," Ford repeated. "I thought it was only a legend. 'The source of all lumberjacks' jackets'. But it's real!"

"Ooooh!" Junior looked at the plaidypus as it ate. Ford carefully sketched it out on a page in his journal. It sniffed around a bit before leaving, just in time for Ford to have finished his drawing. "Bye bye, Mr. Plaidypus!"

"Let's stop for the night."

"Finally," Fiddleford sighed, dropping his backpack to the ground. They were at the top of Gravity Peak, and the sun was just starting to set. Ford placed Junior on the ground and moved to help Fiddleford set up the tent. After they finished, Junior, wanting to help, dragged the sleeping bags inside and tossed them over the floor of the tent.

"I'm hungry," Junior said, sitting in the pile of fabric.

"We'll get the fire goin' an' cook somethin' up," Fiddleford said.

"Yay!" Junior cheered, crawling out of the tent.

Soon, the fire was burning and Ford and Fiddleford were cooking the food. Junior snacked on a s'more as he waited, chocolate and melted marshmallow staining his face and fingers. He licked the sweets off his fingers before Fiddleford used a wet wipe to clean him off.

"Yer worse than yer father, honestly," he sighed, wiping the marshmallow from Junior's mouth.

"It's yummy!" Junior protested.

"Ah know it's yummy, but yer makin' a mess'a yerself," Fiddleford said, stuffing the wet wipe in a plastic bag in the backpack.

"He's going to make a bigger mess with the beans, you know," Ford said.

"Well, he's a toddler, sure he is," Fiddleford shrugged.

After the three of them finished eating, they sat down to look at the stars. Junior was half asleep, resting in Ford's lap, but wanting to stay awake. He looked up at the sky, clinging to one of Ford's arms.

"That one's Orion, Junior," Ford pointed at the constellation. "You see those three stars right there?"

"Mm-hm," Junior nodded.

"Well look around them and you can see Orion's body, and his arm and bow," Ford said. Junior nodded again and yawned. Ford smiled softly, pulling his coat further over Junior. "Maybe we should get you to bed, buddy."

"Noooo," Junior whined.

"C'mon lil' guy, you need yer sleep," Fiddleford agreed. "Look at'cha, yer about ta pass out already!"

Ford stood up, shifting Junior to hold him in his arms. He set him in the tent, wrapped him in the toddler-sized sleeping bag. Junior yawned, clutching his fluffy blanket and burying his face in it. Ford smiled softly, pushing back his hair a bit and leaning down to kiss his forehead.

"Goodnight, buddy."

"G'night, Daddy."

[fordarkisthesuede]

JOURNAL 3 BLACKLIGHT EDITION REVEALED! (Part 3)

Oh boy. This is it. The final stretch.

A New Concern: “What if he wins? It is a thought to horrible to imagine, but imagine it I must. If Bill succeeds in opening the gateway between worlds, it will result in an… Odd-pocalypse? Weird-mergency? Unsual-tastrophe? No matter. If the big day arrives, coming up with a catchy nickname for it will be the least of my worries. To prepare for this worst-case scenario, I have begun stocking my old research bunker with supplies, rations, and weapons. I also tried to choose which theoretical physics books would be most fun to spend 50 years rereading, but they’re all so great I couldn’t decide!” [Picture of the Unseen Eye with the caption “Saw this symbol again recently!”]

Hiding Spot? page:  “In case of catastrophe.” [The tree leading down the bunker is shown, with a staircase winding around it to the roots, with “danger!” pointing down, ending in a rectangle with “prepare for the end” inside.] “LAST RESORT – hopefully cryonics have sustained. Watch out for Shifty.”

Page left of Security Room:  “I need to stop spending time down in this bunker. I was reprogramming my security code when I could have sworn I heard someone speaking to me. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I suppose I was voted “most paranoid” in junior high, bt I thought I had gotten over that phase. Then again, maybe that’s what people wanted me to think:  that I wasn’t paranoid anymore so they could start plotting against me, plotting to take my precious thoughts, my MIND-thoughts! Okay, I’ve been inhaling bunker coolant for too long. Going up for some air now.”

Security Room page:  [it now says “Security Code” and has the four buttons to open the bunker highlighted and numbered.] “If I forget this, I’ll be taking a trip to the FIRST dimension!” [There’s a picture of an exit door with “don’t forget!” pointing at it.]

Bill’s Teacup page:  This one’s unusual. “One of Bill’s friends… Where have I seen him?” The face is so normal that I can’t really say who it could be. Seems masculine? I mean, my best guess is Alex, but who knows for certain…?

[Edit, 4/26/18:  I kept forgetting to fix this bit, but this is a reference to the “Have You Ever Dreamed of This Man?” hoax! Thanks to everybody that pointed it out! (ʃƪ ˘ ³˘) ]

The machine pages:  “The machine was meant to create knowledge but it is TOO POWERFUL! The device if fully operational could”

My Muse Was A Monster page:  All the eyes drawn here glow in the dark. It looks just as creepy as you’d imagine – especially the big one. It also says “Laseep”  “ELPH EM” “sit lal vero” and “rutts on eno”. This is just normal English with rearranged letters, so it says “Asleep”* “Please” “HELP ME” “its all over” and “trust no one”.

*in my defense, I was sleepy when I first unscrambled the words, and I peeked at that “Can’t Sleep!” page...guess I knew what was on my mind that night :/

Bill Cipher pages: Spanning both pages:  “If he gains physical form then all is lost!” Left page - “If he entered our dimension, what form would he take? Flesh and blood? Metal? Vinyl? Spandex? Would he be a suave, well-dressed, possibly British man in coattails? Absolutely unequivocally not. Bill is a screeching, senseless lunatic. By best guess at his physical form is something like this.” [arrow points to Ford’s idea of Bill, which is like a triangle-shaped meatball with his eye and a strange large mouth]

I love you, Alex. I really do. Getting that nod at the fandom’s general depiction of human!Bill is the greatest feelings that I didn’t know I could have - yes, we had it before, but not so directly and in a published book. It still brings that certain level of satisfaction. I’m continually amused at the jabs at it, and I still to this day love quite a few depictions of him, but more than anything I’m flattered and amazed that fan-artists can get recognition at this level in this day and age. It is truly a time to be alive. I love this book.

Right page: [the figure of the human head’s brain separated into categories reads “ego, deceit, lies, pride”.] “Counterattack strategy:  ?????? A triangle is supposed to be the most stable shape in geometry, but there is nothing more unstable than this angular psychopath. The damage he’s done to my thoughts is impossible to calculate….what havoc might he have wrought?” Underneath, Bill writes:  “Wanna know what I did last time I was in your mind, Sixer? I deleted the world “burden” from your vocabulary and replaced it with “sea otter”! Good luck next time you try to sound ominous, smart guy!”

You know, I’m surprised that Bill writes properly. You know, proper grammar, capitalization, punctuation… You’d think he’d be the one to write in all-caps, like he talks! I didn’t think about that before now. Weird, isn’t it?

Blank page next to Invisible Ink page: “I have decided to use invisible ink to keep away prying eyes. ANYONE could be watching me!”

Invisible ink page:  [the lightbulb has rays of light coming from it as well as a normal eye in the bulb. The ink pot has invisible written on it, with splatters where ink might drip from the pot. There are a series of odd symbols drawn around it as well as a few on top of the page.] “I may provide previous pages with new secrets I have learned since originally writing them, and perhaps reviewing old passages will stabilize my rapidly dwindling sanity…”

No picture, but the page where Ford goes into town has all the townsfolk’s eyes glowing. Even Paul Bunyun’s.

Hiding Places:  [doodle of journal 1] Journal 1 – Describes my first 3 years in gravity falls. Focuses on mythical beasts, geographic anomalies, and my 30-hour arm-wrestling match with a very annoying unicorn.” [doodle of journal 2] Journal 2 – The most dangerous journal! Curses, incantations & dark power became an obsession in this volume. Describes the hiding place of the mystic amulet. I buried the amulet once I learned that it corrupts your soul (and whitens your hair)!” Journal 3 – The volume I hold in my hands. Describes my embarrassing defeat at the hands of Bill and the loss of my very sanity. Also contains a pretty good drawing of a plaidypus. Will soon be bestowed upon S and hidden at the ends of the Earth (I hope).”

Hiding places page 2:  Underneath the scribbled out drawing is the picture of the momentum conserver Ford made back in the seventies. Underneath it is written “what might have been…”

Trust No One page:  “Can’t sleep!” Is written nine times, and trust no one is highlighted and circled. 

On the page next to it, it looks exactly like the show, with several spots on the odd wheel scribbled out, the sad face over the center, and “IS THIS RIGHT? I just don’t know anymore!” written beneath it.

The next two blank pages are Bill’s:  “GUESS WHO! That’s right, pal, ol’ Six Fingers just conked out, & that means Captain Bill is steering the ship! And by “STEERING THE SHIP,” I mean making Sixer slap himself over and over! HA-HA-HA! That’s right, I just wrote down the sounds of my own laughter!” [next to the next paragraph, there is a drawing of Bill pouring gasoline on a flaming planet Earth, with the strange expression of someone watering flowers and encouraging their growth.] “Now where was he? Ah, yes! Mr. Serious was saying that anyone who was smart enough to decode these messages is smart enough to get on the right side of history! And that meant joining ME, your new best friend and style consultant, Bill Cipher! All it takes is a little handshake! Ever wanted to see inside the dreams of your crush? Or crush the dreams of your enemies? Or jet someone else control your body and take the old bone-mobile for a spin? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SUMMON ME!”

Page 2: “And it’ s so easy! Just say the words “BILL CIPHER” three times out loud, alone in the dark. Ready? I’ll say it with you! BILL CIPHER! BILL CIPHER! BILL CIPHER! See? That wasn’t so hard! Now there’s a pathway between your mind and mine. I can see everything you can see! Sixer’s about to wake up, but the business between you and me has just begun. Let’s just say I’ll see you down the road. And if you ever get a phone call from a number that says “UNKNOWN,” pick up. Your Guy on the Inside (of Your Mind), BILL”

June 1 page (aka Dipper’s starting page]: “I discovered the Author’s black light secret! I invented some invisible ink and I’m going to try to write a few sneaky – Ugh! I spilled it! Now it’s everywhere! Oh, gross! It’s all over my pants! Ugh, this is embarrassing. I’m going to go wash it off. No black light for me. Yuck! –Dipper” [True to his word, dipper spilled the ink all over the next page, and indeed the page he was writing on. It’s like 2 giant splatter marks.

Mabel’s Smile Dip page has the “Do you like me” letter!!! I’m so tempted to check Absolutely!!! BUT I CANNOT TARNISH SUCH A TREASURE!

Bipper page:   Underneath the note Bipper left is the best gift this book has given me – a caticature of Bipper. It even says “Bipper as a cat!” underneath it. All is right in the world at this moment. I couldn’t be happier. If you can, look upon that drawing and feel the joy enter your soul.

Category 11/Dipper’s page on Pacifica:  (underneath the photo of Archibald Corduroy) “Roses are red, Pacifica’s blood is blue, I read what you crossed out! I’m on to you! Start combing your hair, Brother! –Mabel” Dipifica fans are now 10x happier they purchased this book – or got to read that poem!

I’m Back page:  “I have found my old bottle of invisible ink! It was right where I left it 30 years ago – hidden inside the science fair trophy in my electron carpet room. Unfortunately, most of the ink is gone, and there’s a note on the bottle which reads: “Hey, dude! I tried to drink some of this and it made my tummy glow. Like Shimmery Twinkleheart! Ha ha! I think I’m gonna go lie down forever now. –Soos”

I’m Back adjacent page:  “What a waste! Although, I am amazed that “soos” survivied what should have been a lethal dose of ink. He must be one of the most fit and healthy men on Earth! It’s just as well – this ink did little to keep my secrets from Bill Cipher. And I may have permanent retina damage from constantly flipping the lights on and off while trying to read my own messages. NOTE TO SELF:  Invent bionic eyes. I’ll use what little ink I have left for some….private thoughts. NEW DIMENSION CHECKLIST:  

Read the past 30 years of newspapers. I wonder if whales have finally made it onto land and become the dominatnt species. Also, looking forward to seeing how advanced the lasted fax machines must be!

Catch my breath – literally! I haven’t breathed the proper combination of nitrogen, oxygen, and trace vapors in years. Air is great. Really can’t overemphasize how great air is.

Order red turtleneck sweaters in bulk.

Check out The Eurythmics’ latest chart-topper!

Invent something as a sign of goodwill towards my niece and nephew. What do kids like these days? Bionic arm-lasers? Maybe a pet Cthulhu?

ILJXUH RXW ZKDW D “VLOYHU IRA” LV DQG ZKV HYHUBRQH NHHSV. FDOOLQJ PH RQH.” [Translated with Caesar -3:  “Figure out what a “Silver Fox” is and why everyone keeps calling me one.”]

OMG

EVEN MORE PROOF THAT I LOVE THIS DAMN BOOK. THE LAST PAGE WHERE FORD WRITES:

“AN INITIATION:   to fully complete your initiation as an honorary Pines, there is one final task - to place your hand on this page, hold it while you charge up the black light and then remove your hand. See what happens? Welcome to the family! Zh’yh ehhq zdlqlqj iru brx – Stanford”

If that didn’t rip your heart out, translated with Caeser -3, the last line reads “We’ve been waiting for you.”

I’m literally tearing up. Thank you to everybody who made this book possible. I’ve never been so happy to pay over a hundred dollars for a book. It was worth every penny. And the weird nightmares I got after receiving it.

[Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3]

[danvssomethingorother]

Knitting and Reading

Summary: Mabel and Dipper try to help Fiddleford remember

A03 

It had been a week since the society of the blind eye, Dipper was growing antsy and in his impatience dragged his sister with him back out to meet with the local coot.

Mabel didn’t mind, really, she didn’t, it was nice to get out of the house and see how the old man was holding up after everything that went down. She even planned on making him a sweater and needed his exact measurements anyway.

It wasn’t hard to find him, he was out in the open, fiddling away with some scrap metal and humming loud enough to make Dipper cringe at the off-tune melody. Mabel, however, didn’t mind and much to her brother’s chagrin began humming loudly right along with the old man.

The old man dropped his tools, head shooting up to see the twins, a nervous flush temporarily lit across his face before he fell victim to Mabel’s smile and smiled back to her. Mabel knew most would shy away in disgust at his rotting teeth poking out and while she didn’t exactly find it ‘pretty’ she found she didn’t mind it. She liked seeing he was in a good mood after everything he had to just remember. If he could smile after all that, it made her feel like she could smile brighter just to make him feel more comfortable.

She waved and called his name loudly running over to give him a large hug.

He was taken back for a second tensing his shoulders before his eyes grew a little misty as he hugged Mabel back just as tightly.

Dipper coughed into his hand breaking apart the moment too soon, making Mabel scowl at her brother at the momentary disappointment that the first hug he had gotten in years had been broken too soon.

He grabbed Mr. McGucket by the arm and pulled him away from Mabel who put her hands on her hips in annoyance.  

“Have you had any head way on the computer?”

Mr. McGucket looked towards Mabel almost for help before giving a small smile Dipper’s way.

“I been tryin’ but my memory ain’t as good as it used ta be...”  

Mabel smiled sympathetically and Dipper face fell in sympathy as well as the old man sat on the ground, holding the sides of his head, pulling his old hat over his eyes a little to hide from what he mistook as Dipper’s disappointment.  

“Hey, man, its Ok…” Dipper began placing his hand on McGucket’s shoulder and plopping down next to the man on the ground.  

“Yeah!” Mabel exclaimed plopping on the ground on the older man’s opposite side, placing her hand on his shoulder as well smiling brighter when his eye poked out from under his hat, “Old people just have naturally bad memories.”

“Mabel!” Dipper yelped out turning to her with a look of disbelief.

“It’s not a bad thing! It’s just what nature intended really!”

She shrugged, “Grunkle Stan forgets stuff all the time. It’s annoying but really only for him. He loses his teeth and he’s the only one really affected. Soooo, we just help him out by keeping an eye out for them.”

McGucket’s smile began to return at her casual comment so she smiled brighter and continued, “Let us help you out! We can help your memory come back!’’

“Ya would do that?” he asked looking from one twin to the other a red flush growing on his face.

“Yeah! Oh course!” Dipper said patting him on the back.

“And not just to find out who the dumb old author is but because you’re our friend!” Mabel added in making the old man practically glow in appreciation.

“Really?” he asked and the twins nodded in unison patting him on the back reassuringly.

“Is it ok if I show you some passages from the journal again? I re read it last night and it seems he mentions you a few times. It might help you remember who he was a little.”

“And maybe more importantly, who you were,” Mabel said placing her hand on his shaking cast as he eyed the journal.

“Before we do that, can I take your measurements to make you a sweater? You are in a desperate need of a Mabel Make Over.”

She squealed in delight pulling some measuring tape from her bag at his nod and began taking his measurements while her brother opened the book to his marked page and began skimming it till he found the passage he was looking for.

“Do you remember the time you and the author went on a hiking trip? A few pages are ripped out, so maybe you could try to complete the story of where you were going before you encountered the Gremloblin and what happened afterwards.”

“And look you can help me knit if ya want to if anything in the book starts to upset you!” Mabel piped in pulling out several different colors of yarn laying them and several colorful, girly patches in front of the old man.

“Pick out what color and design you want on your new sweater while my bro bro reads you a story.”

He pointed towards a red and a raccoon patch. Mabel smiled brightly scooting closer towards him and showing him how she was crafting the sweater to give him something to focus on as her brother began to read. She began humming a song he liked under her breathe and he tried to keep his focus on that as memories began shifting through his head.

He was young was again, a man with six fingers telling him to hurry up they were wasting day light but all he wanted to do was stop and rest a minute not used to such an exhausting work out.

He remembered the Plaidypus and the tooth the boy talked about, he could picture them clearly but the six-fingered man was harder to remember. He didn’t know what his voice was, so maybe Dipper’s was close to the mark. He didn’t remember his hair or his eyes or any features that weren’t his fingers. The more he listened the more he recalled he was bigger than him, maybe not taller but wider. He had to be, he carried him home after…

He clasped his eyes shut, feeling those clawed hands digging into his sides once more and that hot breath on his face. Staring into those eyes and every nightmare coming to life, the faint feeling of wind fluttering through his hair.  

His nails dug into his hat, yanking it, his cast scratching at his face. Every muscle shook. I wish to unsee this his mind yelled out as he found himself throwing whatever he could find together in another far-off memory trying to do just that. He just wanted to forget…please let me forget…

“Mr. McGucket!!!”

A scared plea broke into his mind and he began to untense Mabel in front of him shaking him gently running her finger across his thin hair in a comforting familiar way that brought him back to a time when six fingers had done the same. His eyes were like her eyes, a warm brown filled with fear and concern and they only wanted to help him.

He put his shaking hand on Mabel’s face, wiping away a tear. He felt terrible for scaring the poor girl and her brother standing looking at him with fearful eyes next to him. He cracked a smile despite his fears and panics pulling Mabel into a tight hug with one arm and reaching over to grab Dipper pulling him in with his other arm.

They were good kids, such good kids, he didn’t want them upset none because of him.

He ran his hand through their hair and tried to assure them he was Ok now, it wasn’t their fault.

“I remember the author more,” he said through his own croaked out sob running his fingers through their hair trying to help keep them calm not wanting them to be afraid anymore, “He was a good kind man who tried to help me just like you are.”

They both cracked smiles at him as he began to tell them a memory of the six fingered man taking him to the carnival but he didn’t remember the rest. Dipper began taking notes as he told him more from the pages that were gone that were coming back to him slowly. He exaggerated and made them happier then they were just to make the kids comfortable.

They were such good kids, they reminded him of the author and that made him happy but he couldn’t say why.

[flatassthrowaway]

Passionately and Deeply

~Chapter Three, Childfree Edition~

I just wanted to thank everyone for engaging with my fanfic this far, and getting to the prologue over 70+ notes! It warms my heart that so many people like this series! I'll be putting out a masterlist when I release the fifth chapter.

Also there may be more than a few grammatical errors in here, feel free to ignore those.

Anyway, like always, I hope you enjoy!

New to the series? Read the prologue.

The air is warmer, the grass is greener, and my ties to this town are only becoming deeper.

Being with Ford on that fateful night took away nearly every fear I had. I felt like as long as I had him, nothing would stand in my way in life.

I think he pretty much confirmed the same thing with me.

And I couldn’t be happier about that.

Since then, we’ve been hanging out regularly. He’s shown me quite a few of the abnormal beings in this charming yet peculiar town. Among them were the plaidypus, the beard cubs (which were actually kinda cute), and the question quails (which were unquestionably adorable). Ford claims that there are dangerous beings that reside here, but the ones that I’ve seen have been rather innocuous. I actually scooped up the icicle mice from this winter and put them in my freezer so that they’ll live.

In other news, his grand-niblings are on their way to visit him and his family up here in a few hours. They’ll be staying for the whole summer.

Melody had her child, which was a boy. She named him Jesús Alzamirano Ramirez Jr., right after Soos.

They’re such a sweet couple, and now a sweet family. I hope they have a prosperous life.

Abuelita is smitten over her new bisnieto, or her great-grandson. He is quite adorable, after all. He was born on April 4th, and he’ll be two months old on the 4th.

I even got to hold him several times when I visited. I forgot how soft they were, and how good they smelled. On my days off of work, I would make my way to the shack and just tend to him while his primary familial unit rested up.

Ford seems to like the little bean, too. Although he doesn’t really strike me as someone who would like babies, he really took a liking to him.

“You’re so good with that little tyke,” he told me.

I smiled up at him while holding the little bean. “Thanks,” I said. “It’s ironic, since I never want to be a mother or have children.”

Ford’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Truly? You never mentioned it.”

I smiled back down at the sweet baby in my arms. “It never came up,” I told him. “Not until this sweet boy came into our lives. Having a set amount of time with him is fine with me.”

Ford smiled. “On an unrelated note, how old are you again?” he asked.

I playfully raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ask about a lady’s age?” I asked, playfully indignant. “I’ll be twenty seven in seven days.”

“Ah, so you’re a gemini like me,” he said. “My great niece told me about the zodiac signs and everything related to them.”

“Oh really? When’s your birthday then?” I asked.

“Stanley’s and my birthday is in two weeks from today, on the 15th of June,” he said.

“The twins have the twins zodiac. How about that,” I said, chuckling.

“You wouldn’t happen to be a twin, would you?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

“What a shame. I thought I would be able to set her up with Stanley,” Ford joked.

I playfully raised an eyebrow. “Who said my twin would be a woman?” I said.

Both of us just stared at each other before we softly broke out laughing.

All of a sudden, the door slammed open, and I saw two teenagers at the door, one boy and one girl.

The girl had medium brown curly hair that reached her mid back, the same copper brown eyes as Stan and Ford, and donned a purple headband with parted fringe bangs. Her sweater (why was she wearing a sweater in June?) was the same purple color as her headband and had spelled out MABEL, and wore a hot pink skirt that reached just a little below mid thigh, with dark purple almost black stockings, and some purple doc martens on. She was about average height.

The boy had a tan and dark brown lumberjack hat, the same medium brown curly hair and copper brown eyes as his sister, with long bangs that nearly covered his eyes. He wore a red flannel plaid shirt, blue jeans and timberlands. He was also about average height, which… kind of surprised me. Seeing that he was related to Stan and Ford, I thought he would be taller.

That doesn’t matter that much, though.

What matters is that this sweet baby boy started crying when both of them busted through the door. I shushed him, trying to soothe him.

“We’re here!” the girl yelled as Ford shushed her. She lowered her head. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Who’re you?” the boy asked.

“Dipper, my boy, meet my good friend,” Ford said my name, introducing me to his great nephew. “Come here, Mabel, I want you to meet her, too.”

“Woah, nice to meet you! I’m Mabel! Grunkle Ford never said anything about his lady friend being so pretty,” Mabel introduced herself to me as I chuckled and Ford scratched the back of his head.

I can see where she gets her electrifying personality from.

“Nice to meet you too, dear,” I told her, this sweet baby finally settling down back into slumber.

“My name’s Dipper,” Dipper introduced himself. “Is that Soos’ son or is that your own child?”

I shook my head. “It’s definitely not my child. I’m just watching him while he, Melody, and Abuelita rest.”

“Woah, can I hold him? Please please please? I promise I’ll be extra careful!”

“Not yet, darling. Go wash your hands before you touch him. His immune system is very fragile right now,” Ford told Mabel. Mabel dashed to the sink, and Dipper walked, following her.

“So they are your niece and nephew,” I remarked.

Ford turned to me and nodded. “Yes. Besides this little tyke, they are the closest thing to being my own children.”

I smiled as I turned my gaze back to the sweet baby in my arms. “Did you ever want children, Ford?”

“Not really, no,” he said. “I was focused on my work. In a way, everything I’ve worked on, and currently working on are my progeny. Even if I wanted to… I think it’s far too late for me to be a father.”

“That’s a fascinating way to put it,” I told him. “And I completely agree. My work is my baby.”

Ford chuckled as Mabel and Dipper both entered the living room, and Mabel made grabby hands towards Jesús. “Lemme see him~!” she said in her baby voice.

I handed him to her, and she was completely enamored by his baby charm. “Hi buddy. It’s your cousin, Mabel,” she said softly.

I guess when the moment really calls for it, she can be gentle.

“So…” Dipper said my name. “Or do you prefer Miss? Ms? Ma’am?”

I chuckled. “You can say my name, it’s alright, Dipper,”

“Good!” Dipper cleared his throat. “I-I mean, good. I just have a few questions for you.”

“I have a few questions for you, too!” Mabel declared. The baby in her arms cried again.

“My dear, let me take the little tyke while you… speak,” he said, taking Jesús in his arms.

Mabel led me upstairs and Dipper followed us into the attic, where they were sleeping. It smelled like dust mites and moth balls.

They couldn’t have gotten something more appealing for these kids? Honestly!

I’m busting Ford’s ass about this later.

“So…” Dipper said my name. “What is your occupation?”

I told both of them what I did.

“What about before you came to Gravity Falls? What did you do? Where did you live? Did you graduate from university?”

Mabel rolled her eyes. “Jeez Dipper, it’s like you never had a conversation before! It sounds like an interview!”

“Mabel, these are important things I need to know about Great Uncle Ford’s new girlfriend,” he said.

I raised a finger to refute. “Well, actually-”

“Dipper, c’mon!” she whined before turning to me. “I’m sorry for Dipper, he doesn’t know how to have a proper conversation with a lady.”

“Wha- hey!”

“Aaaaanyway, I have more important questions to ask you than the stuffy questions my brother asked! I need to know: Do you like pigs or tardigrades?” Mabel said, narrowing her eyes at me comically.

“Well, I’d have to say pigs. Tardigrades are cute, but I never interacted with one,” I told her.

Mabel squealed. “Oh, this is great! Let me get Waddles!” she said, running out of the room.

“Oh great. Now you’ve set her off,” Dipper said. “Anyway, back to my questions. How old are you?”

I playfully smiled. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ask for a lady’s age?” I asked, testing how strong his resolve was.

Dipper scratched the back of his neck. “I-I’m sorry, ma’am, I just-”

I smiled softly. “Listen Dipper, I understand you care for your great uncle, but speaking to me like this seems a little… out of character for you, if that makes sense,” I told him.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Just from the small amount of interaction I had from you, you’re clearly an intelligent young man,” I told him, his cheeks becoming a little red. “But your confidence is lacking. To make up for that, you overcompensate with a dour tone. I almost felt animosity coming from you in your questions, even though I know it’s not how you want to come across.”

“Wow… how did you get all of that?” Dipper asked.

I smiled. “I’ve been on this Earth for quite some time, dear. Most of the time, I can tell when someone isn’t being authentic.”

“Well… can I at least ask why you’re dating my grunkle?” Dipper asked.

I laughed. “Oh, that is hilarious,” I told him. “Hon, I’m not dating your great uncle. We’re just really good friends,” I told him. “If you ask him, he would say the same thing.”

Dipper breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. It’s still kinda questionable, but that’s a lot better.”

I smiled as Mabel came back in with a lean yet rotund pink pig with a cute nose and round cheeks. She said my name. “Meet Waddles!” she said, as Waddles let out a happy squeak.

I smiled. “What a cute little guy,” I said, slowly moving closer to him. “Hey Waddles.”

He sniffed my hand, and then nuzzled his head into my hand. I scratched just above his ears, and he was panting like a dog.

I think he enjoys it.

“Wow! He loves you already! How did you know his favorite scratching spot?” Mabel asked.

“Mabel, all over his body is his favorite scratching spot. He loves pets,” Dipper said.

“True, true,” Mabel said, sitting in front of me and next to her twin brother, crossing her legs. “Now then, where were we in our interview?”

“Actually… I want to take a different approach,” Dipper said, looking back at me.

Mabel turned her head curiously, looking at her brother. “Yeah? How?” she asked, looking back at me.

“Let’s get psychological,” Dipper said, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Hell yeah! Psychological warfare!” Mabel exclaimed as she pumped her fist in the air.

Suddenly, the door opened to the attic, and Stan was in the doorway. “Psychological warfare? Ya don’t gotta tell me twice!” he said, taking a seat on the bed next to his great nephew, looking at me.

I was starting to sweat a little bit. Hopefully, they didn’t see it.

“I guess the main thing I’m worried about is that… well… you and Great Uncle Ford seem so friendly. I’ve never seen him like that with a stranger,” Dipper told me.

“I am a stranger to you, but not to your great uncle,” I reminded him.

“And that’s fine and all, but… how long have you known him?” Dipper asked.

“It’ll be four months on our birthday. Or maybe the day before? I dunno, somewhere around there,” Stan chimed in.

Mabel gasped. “You’ve cracked our Grunkle Ford in four months?!” she asked incredulously.

“I wouldn’t put it that way…” I told her.

“Yeah,” Stan surprisingly agreed with me. “It was more like one week.”

Mabel stared at me, awestruck. “One week?!” she shrieked, making me jump a little.

I nodded bewilderedly. Mabel screamed as if she were fangirling. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh~!”

“Mabel, get a hold of yourself!” Stan said.

“But c’mon Grunkle Stan! She’s exactly what Grunkle Ford needs! Do you really want him to rot in his lab all day, with no companion?” Mabel asked him.

Stan rolled his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh brother.”

Mabel stood up and nearly lunged at me. I nearly jumped out of my seat. “But seriously! You need to teach me your secrets! If you were able to charm Grunkle Ford in a week, you’re on the same level as a succubus in terms of charm and seduction!” She exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow, deciding to play along with her. “Why does a young lady like you need to know about seduction?” I asked.

Mabel cleared her throat. “I am sixteen years old!” she boasted proudly, puffing her chest.

Dipper raised his index finger. “Almost seventeen,” he chimed in. “But Mabel, c’mon. Let us have at least a semi-serious conversation without you trying to make friends with her.”

Mabel turned around and blew a raspberry at her brother. “Boo! You’re so boring sometimes, Dipper!”

She sat back down next to her brother, and crossed her legs again.

“Now then, where were we…” Dipper trailed off.

“We were talkin’ about how long my brainiac brother and her knew each other,” Stan reminded him.

Dipper’s eyes lit up before he snapped his fingers. “Right!” His gaze zeroed in on me. “My point in asking that question was because Great Uncle Ford didn’t really begin to trust us until Mabel got that unicorn hair for him.”

I looked at the three of them quizzically. Unicorns are real? Or was this just the overactive imagination of teenagers?

“Kid, she’s from a normal town. Unicorns probably are a myth where she’s from,” Stan told Dipper.

I nodded. “Or so I thought… but after seeing some of the oddities Gravity Falls has to offer, I’d say I believe in the existence of unicorns,” I told them.

Mabel had a super serious face on. “Then believe me when I say that they are so condescending,” Mabel said.

Holy crap. I thought unicorns were supposed to be pure hearted or whatever? Now I’m hearing the opposite?

Nothing really is as it seems in Gravity Falls…

“Mabel, focus!” Dipper said in a tone of frustration.

Mabel shook her head. “Right! Sorry…” she said. “The point Dipper is trying to make is that it took Grunkle Ford so long for him to trust us that he’s shook that Grunkle Ford was so friendly to you within a week.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, did you mean shocked?” I asked.

Mabel shook her head. “Nope. Dipper was shook,” she doubled down on her grammatically incorrect statement.

That must be the slang the kids came up with these days. Now that I’m an adult myself, I understand how my grandmother felt when I used slang terms.

“While you’re right, Sister, you know that ‘shook’ has been out for a while. No one except you uses it anymore,” Dipper said.

“Oh, you’re just salty that I finally used it right!” Mabel said.

“Oh, does that mean he’s weird?” I asked.

Dipper looked at me like I had three heads, but Mabel gave me a gentle pat on my arm.

“That was a good guess,” she said, before returning to sit with her brother.

“That… wasn’t even close,” he said.

I scratched my cheek as I felt both of them become hot. “I guess I’m showing my age, then.”

“Actually, speaking of which, how old are you? You look pretty young for someone trying to go after our great uncle.”

“Oh my gosh, Dipper!” Mabel exclaimed. “You can’t just ask a woman how old she is! That’s rude!”

“Actually, I wanna know how old this vixen is. How old are you?” Stan asked me.

“Grunkle Stan~!” Mabel whined.

“Can it, Mabel! We need answers!”

“I’ll be twenty seven a week from today,” I told them.

“Shit, kid… you’re a lot younger than I thought,” Stan said.

“Wow, that’s… controversial,” Dipper added.

“What do you mean?”

Dipper shook his head. “The fact that you’re friends with my Grunkle, and he’s in his sixties…”

“That shouldn’t matter. But with that being said,” I started. “I understand that you just want to make sure your great uncle is being safe, and I totally understand that. I haven’t hurt him, nor do I intend on consciously hurting him.”

“Bah! Your words mean nothing! How the hell are we gonna trust ya?” Stan asked.

Mabel stood up again, and stepped forward. “I’ll be the judge of that!”

“Mabel, sweetie, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Stan said. “This is a strange woman that you, I, and your brother don’t know.”

“So let’s get to know her, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel said, determination in her voice. “If she’s so bad, you need to give me at least one reason why I shouldn’t hang out with her. If it's for a decent reason, then I’ll stop.”

“Well… uh… urm…” Stan stammered.

So why the hell doesn’t he like me?

“Then it’s settled!” Mabel turned to me, saying my name. “We’re going to be great friends! I can feel it!”

Seeing this vibrant young lady in front of me blazed in determination, I couldn’t help but smile. “Let’s be friends.”

“Yay! Friendship, friendship, friendship~”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too happy, pumpkin,” Stan said, standing up. “I’ll find a flaw in her, and when I do, you’re gonna know that I’m right.”

Mabel smiled. “Okay, Grunkle Stan,” she told him. As he walked to the door, he opened it, and Ford was standing there, looking indignant.

“Oh… well, uh, shit,” Stan said. “How long ya been there, Poindexter?”

“Long enough,” he seethed in a low tone. He pushed past his brother, and entered into the attic and went towards Mabel.

“Thank you for giving her a chance, my darling,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. Mabel gave a half smile.

He then turned to Dipper. “Dipper, my boy. Come with me to my laboratory. You too,” he said my name. We both stood up, then went down to his lab. The way to get down to his lab was so cool. I marvel at it every time.

Using a vending machine to hide the entrance way was so innovative, inconspicuous and just overall ingenious.

And using symbols that aren’t seen in everyday life? Brilliant!

Once we descended to the deepest level, we got off of the elevator. Ford then turned around and placed his hands behind his back.

“Dipper… do you not trust my judgement?” Ford asked him, hurt palpable in his voice.

“Great Uncle Ford, what do you mean? Of course I do!” Dipper reassured him.

“You must not,” Ford said. “You, along with my brother, think that I am not able to detect a bad person when I see them.”

“Wha- are you talking about-”

Ford cut him off. “Yes, I am.”

“Great Uncle Ford, it was never my intention to make you feel like your judgement was off… even though you trusted Bill… but that’s in the past. Your judgement has been sharp since then!” Dipper tried to assuage him.

Who is Bill? What did he do? What happened?

I have a mountain of questions right now, and I don’t think I’m gonna have any of them answered in the near future.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that, my boy. She is a good person, and I was able to promptly pick up on that,” Ford clarified.

“But how do you know, Great Uncle Ford? How do you know that she is a good person?”

Ford was about to open his mouth, but I stepped in front of him, then turned to face Dipper.

“Dipper… I know you don’t trust me now…” I started. “But the only way you’ll know for sure is if you spend time with me. Your sister has already put her faith in me, and it would mean a lot to me if you could, too.”

Dipper studied my face, searching for a trace of insincerity. Upon finding none, he finally nodded.

“Fine. I’ll spend some time with you, like my sister will,” he finally spoke. “But if I find that you’re using him just like Bill… I will never forgive myself.”

I nodded determinedly at Dipper. “You can trust me, Dipper. You’ll see in time. More importantly, you can trust your great uncle.”

Dipper sighed. “Yeah, I hope that’s the case, that I can trust you,” Dipper said, defeated.

“Chin up, my boy,” Ford said. “You’ll see why I enjoy having her around. For now, you can find some snacks in the cupboard before Soos makes dinner.”

Dipper raised a bushy eyebrow. “Soos is cooking now? He always ate burrito bites and anything instantaneous.”

Ford smiled. “Fatherhood really had him step up his game. Not only as a husband, but as a grandson.”

“Wow, I gotta catch up with him for sure!” Dipper then turned to me, saying my name. “I-I’m sorry about earlier.”

I shook my head. “I understand, Dipper. You just wanted to protect your great uncle from someone strange.”

Dipper smiled. “You’re anything but,” he said. “See you both at dinner.”

We both waved to him before I turned to Ford. He just had a look of mixed emotions on his face, somewhere from sadness to relief to anger, to even looking apologetic.

“I deeply apologize for the onslaught you had to endure on behalf of my family. I hope they weren’t too unrelenting in their questioning.”

I shook my head. “I told you many times, Stanford, and I’ll tell you again,” I said. “I really don’t mind. In fact, I find it heartwarming.”

Ford raised an eyebrow. “Heartwarming?” he said. “How on Earth did you find that heartwarming?”

“It’s so blatantly clear that you have a family that loves you. So much so to the point where they would ruthlessly interrogate someone who they thought could be a potential threat to you. If that isn’t a strong familial love and bond, I don’t know what is,” I told him.

Ford scratched the back of his head. “I suppose you’re right.”

I smiled coyly. “Of course I’m right,” I told him smugly.

Ford chuckled. “You’re such a cheeky girl. I never expected you to have a sly side.”

His praise made my heart skip a beat.

I maintained my smile. “That’s some high praise coming from you.”

“Oh, my dear, you should be used to me praising you,” he said in a deep voice, making me feel all hot inside.

Ugh, why is this happening? Have I really been so lonely that this man is starting to ignite a flame inside of me?

It’s been extinguished for a while, actually. I’m surprised it’s starting back up again. If it’s even starting up at all. This basement does tend to get hot.

“Gracious, are you okay? Please, say something!” Ford asked, his hands on my shoulders.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Ford. I got lost in thought.”

Ford sighed a breath of relief, I smelt the coffee he normally drank on his breath. “Thank goodness. I was just telling you that dinner is ready, so we can go get some food to eat.”

I nodded. “I think I need something inside of me.”

Oh, fuck! That came out so wrong! I hope Ford didn’t pick up on that!

“You certainly do. Come, dear. Let’s go eat.”

I nodded before following him onto the elevator. In somewhat comfortable silence, we rode the elevator up to the first floor of the Mystery Shack, and we went into the dining room.

Soos was nowhere to be seen, but the young twins, Dipper and Mabel, were at the table, plus Stan. I decided to sit next to Ford, but as I was sitting down, Stan decided to voice his displeasure.

“Uh-uh. Stand up,” he said my name.

“Stanley! Enough!” Ford thundered. “This is becoming utterly ridiculous! Leave her be!”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks as Stan muttered something underneath his breath before Soos came back out. He had a joyful look on his face, which dropped once he saw the table.

“Hey dudes! …what happened?” He asked.

None of us cared to verbally answer him, so he just shrugged and sat down. Apparently, he had made enchiladas, which I strangely craved.

The dinner itself was awkward, but it wasn’t the worst one I sat through.

I thanked Soos for the dinner, and said my goodbyes to Dipper, Mabel and Stan.

Before I left, Mabel gave me her number. Just for me to give her some tips on how to become a succubus.

Goodness, that girl is a hoot.

Ford walked me back to my home, and once I arrived, I turned to him.

“Thanks for walking me back, again,” I told him.

Ford smiled. “It was the least I could do after you had to survive the onslaught,” he said as I laughed.

“I told you, it’s fine,” I said. “But if you want to spend time together… you know how to reach me.”

Ford maintained his smile. “That I do,” he said. “Goodnight, dear. Get some rest.”

“You too. Rest well.”

As I entered my home and closed the door, he began walking back. Even though I was somewhat joking the first time we met at the diner, I’m kinda glad he’s walking me back home. It makes me feel safe whenever he’s with me.

As I got ready for bed, and laid in it, I couldn’t fall asleep right away like I normally do. What was happening with my body, too?

I normally wasn’t so hot and bothered around him. His voice is naturally deep, but at that time…

Shit. I think he turned me on by accident. I think my flame has been reignited.

I need a cold shower.

💚

Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Check back next Friday for another chapter! Next chapter here.

[goat-and-a-pig]

Chapter 9

1 hour earlier

“Pines! In my office, now!” Dipper stood and trotted down to Lieutenant Powers’ office. “Yes sir,” he replied dutifully, his hand in a salute.

“Can you explain to me why he got away again this morning?” Dipper gulped. “He was, uh, very fast sir.” He winced. “But we caught the Gleefuls finally!” He added on quickly. Lieutenant Powers stared at him disapprovingly. “Yes, they’re being interrogated right now by Second Lieutenant Trigger. But guess what?”

“What?”

“OUR MAIN GUY STILL ESCAPED!” He roared. “You are on thin ice, boy- if you fail one more mission, you are fired! The royalty can’t stick me with a useless dud, even if they pay me! Do you understand?”

Oh no. Oh no, no, no! This is bad. Really bad. Dipper internally panicked while externally saying, “Yes sir.” I can’t get fired, I just can’t-

“Good. Now get out.” Lieutenant Powers made a little shooing motion and Dipper started to leave when somebody rushed in crying, “It’s him! It’s him! Spud or Stud or whatever! He’s at the Cuddly Plaidypus!”

“Robbie?” Dipper was shocked. Since when did he become the town crier? Ugh, whatever. “You hear that, boy? That’s your last chance. Second Lieutenant Trigger! We’ve got a sighting on our hands!” He muttered to Dipper, “We’re coming with you so you don’t mess up again.”

“What about the Gleefuls? The jail’s still full!” Second Lieutenant Trigger yelled back. Lieutenant Powers sighed. “Just bring them with you,” he called back. “Just grab some backup and let’s move out!” As they headed out, some thoughts struck Dipper.

#1: He thought the title ‘Second Lieutenant’ sounded kind of ridiculous and unnecessary.

#2: He was not going to let Stud Pilfir get away again, or lose his job.

#3: I’m coming for you, Mabel. I promise.