#the only problem is that she's british but we can't all be perfect i guess

[cute-bag-of-bones]

Can't trust a supe.

Part 1: "Uncle" Billy

Warnings ⚠️: Swearing, death, killing, body horror, gore. It's The Boys so all related warnings apply ✌🏻

      My life isn't a happy one, but it used to be. I used to have the best life a kid could ever want. Two loving parents that worked from home, a huge house full of people who cared about me on a bunch of land. Now I know people will say "but Simon your dad was a cult leader and your mom was a crazed geneticist." Which is all true but they loved me and that's all a parent really has to do in my opinion. My life was perfect till the day he ruined it all. Vaught's swinging big stick, Homelander. He attacked my family's compound and destroyed it all. Only bodies and rubble were left when he was done. I only survived because one or my Father's followers shielded me from the falling debris. That was 7 years ago and now I'm a 17 year old living in and out of shelters. I can't even use my real name because of the slander Vaught slung to justify homelanders borderline war crimes. I swore if I ever saw his lipless face again I'd kill him. I just needed to figure out how first.

    

      I wasn't sure if I could trust this British guy who called himself Billy Butcher. He kept showing up and trying to talk to me. Finally he asked if I wanted to get even with Homelander. How could I refuse? He asked to meet during the day at the park. He kinda sketched me out. The long coat and sunglasses he gave me school shooter all grown up vibes but if he actually had a way to kill Homelander I was more then willing to look past his unfortunate fashion choices. 

      So here I sat at the park waiting for this limey bastard. Sure enough he strolled up and sat down next to me on the bench. He leaned back and looked over the whole park. I turned to look at him and asked him what he needed me to do but before any words could leave my mouth he stopped me.

      "That the fucks the matter with you? Face forward, don't look at me." He said as he chewed on some gum. I look forward and lean against the arm rest. Trying to look as nonchalant as possible. 

      "You are the one who wanted to meet in public." I say taking a quick glance at him.

      "Yeah I did because you're a damn supe." He said it with such malice. I froze for a second. If I was smart I would have walked away and never looked back but I have never been known for my brains. 

      "How did you-"

      "I have my ways. I know who mommy and daddy are as well. I know everything there is to know about you right down to what's in your bag." He said as he shifted in his seat a little. I leaned down and pulled my bag into my lap to hold close.

      "You going to blackmail me or something?" I ask looking over at him no longer caring to play alone with whatever game he had. 

      "No nothing like that, I want to give you an opportunity. We have a common problem. I have this time coming together and we need someone with your particular set of skills." He said as he finally turned his head to look at me. His sunglasses made it impossible to see anything other than my own reflection. 

      "You really think our problem can be fixed? You got that kind of juice on your team?" 

       "Gotta try right? We are getting there. If you don't want to help then fine. I guess you don't want these." He said as he pulled a manila envelope from the inside of his jacket. He smirked down at me. 

      "And what's in that?"

      "The only file Vaught had on your dearly departed mom. She wrote it herself. Could be something interesting in there. Maybe something that could make sense of it all." He tapped his gloved fingers against the envelope then slipped it back on his jacket.

     "What would I have to do?"

     "Come with me and meet the team. I can't talk about it out here. Never know who's listening." He said as he pointed to the sky before standing up. I should be more careful about strangers. He could be a lot of very dangerous things. 

       He walked us to a ran down looking building. He walked down some steps and banged on the door. 

      "Oi cunts let me in!" He shouted. Soon the door unlatched and opened. We walked into this sad gray concrete room. A tall skinny man leaned against the sink with his arms crossed. He looked scared shitless. Like he could vomit at any second. He looked completely harmless. The second man was shorter with a shaved head. He looked much less harmless. 

       "I thought you were getting someone who can help!" He had a thick French accent when he spoke. 

      "She can. She's a supe don't you worry Frenchie." Billy said as he walked past the man. Frenchie how original. He looked at me with almost pleading eyes. Now that I really look at him he seems just as harmless as the pipe cleaner leaning on the sink. 

      "I don't even know what the problem is." Billy walks over to another door and unlocks it. He swings it open and there is an empty cage. My eyes widen as I look at the men in the room. Billy looks in the cage.

      "Shit no no wait a second. The bugger is invisible." He grabs a cattle prod and jabs it onto the cage. I hear a man scream. The man in the cage uncloaks himself. It was translucent from the 7 butt naked and sitting criss-cross applesauce on the bottom of the cage.

     "What the fuck thats almost worse than what I thought you wanted! Whatever it is I'm out hell no!" Billy quickly steps out of the room and shuts the door. 

      "You're the only one who can do it. His skin is like fucking Dimonds! But I was thinking maybe the inside isn't." Billy yelled over my protesting. 

       "What is she super strong or something?" The thin man asked. 

       "No!" Billy and I shout at once at him. 

        "Fine I guess you rather the news have these." Billy says as he opens his coat to show the file. 

        "I thought you weren't going to blackmail me fuck! Fucking dick!" I shout as I stomp my foot. Billy smirks as he nods like a lunatic. Frenchie and the thin man look back and forth at each other confused. I guess Billy had not informed his team about anything of his little plan. 

      "You can do it. The  file says you can anyway." Billy says the same smirk painted on his stupid face. 

       "If he finds out-"

       "If cuntlander finds out you'll get your chance to kill him. Or wait till he comes for you after he finds out who your mom was." 

        "Fuck!" I felt completely cornered. I couldn't kill someone who had never done anything to me. no matter how much of a douchebag they seemed like.

       "Wait, who's her mom?" The man asked.

     "Homelander's old cock warmer" Billy says with a knowing look. 

      "Stop it!"

      "Oh yeah moms got around alright. She was two-timing New York's favorite supe with New York's most notorious serial bombing cult leader. A bit of a whore if you ask me." I wanted to leap across the room and strangle that dumb British asshole but I knew my strengths were not in a physical fight.

       "You're Alphonse Bishop's daughter!?" The thin man said with a look of shock. Billy let out a hardy laugh. I had had enough of this. 

      "That's it! Give me the file or I'll just kill you!" I screamed at Billy. 

      Frenchie's attention turned to a laptop. 

      "Oh look at the big bollocks on this one! Yeah go on kill me might as well because if you don't get in there and kill that cunt we are all dead!" 

      "Butcher we have a problem." Frenchie said. Billy and the other man huddled around the laptop. 

      "Is that-"

      "He's searching for something." 

I come over and stand on my tippy toes to see over the men. It was Homelander he was surveying the area likely looking for his fellow 7 member. It was chaos for a moment. They scrambled around trying to figure out what happened. They talked about a chip of some kind. I was too busy staring at the screen as Homelander flew around. 

      "You two stay here." Billy said as he and frenchie ran up the steps. They were out the door before I could stop to ask for an explanation. 

      "I'm Hughie Campbell by the way, it's good to meet you." The man said, looking over at me as he stuck his hands in his pockets. It took everything in me not to break his jaw right then and there. This wasn't his fault I shouldn't be mad at him. 

      "You should get out of here." I say as I sit down on a stool.

       "Butcher told us to stay." 

       "Yeah if he told you to lick his balls would you? He's gonna get you killed. Let him and the Frenchman sort it out." I say as I motion to the door with my head. He puts on a stiff upper lip and shakes his head. 

         "No noway, I got to do this. He needs all the help he can get, but if you want to go I won't stop you. I'll tell Butcher you overpowered me." He says with a little laugh. Oh if he only knew. He didn't seem like Billy was blackmailing him. What on earth would make someone want to help that maniac. 

         "Nah I'm as good as dead the second I see Homelander face to face anyway. I'm going to rip him apart." I say as I stare at the looping footage of him zipping around. Hughie gives me a strange look. 

      "How are you-" he was interrupted by the other door being opened. Translucent somehow had gotten out of his cage. The 3 of us just stared at each other for a second before finally he spoke. 

       "You kids are gonna let me walk out of here." He says as he starts to walk to the exterior door. Hughie to my surprise steps in front of his path. 

        "No, I'm sorry we can't let you. just go back in the room please." He begged. Translucent laughed a little. He looked over at the laptop and saw Homelander was near. 

        "Yeah I think I'm just going to go outside." He said pushing past a defeated looking Hughie. I could tell Billy would tear this kid a new one if he just let translucent walk out. I got up and quickly put myself between him and the door just as Hughie did. He looked down at me for a second before rolling his eyes and giving me a strong push to the side. I bumped into the table with my hip.

       "You going to push a kid?" Hughie shouted as he grabbed translucent from behind and tried to pull him down to the ground. Translucent went invisible and started to beat the snot out of Hughie. His skin may be invisible but his insides were not. I looked inside of him. Like most supes he was stronger than average but I was sure I could still do something. I saw his skeletal system wrapped in muscle and nerves move as he continued his assault. I tighten his muscles in his right arm making it go stiff. He started to scream which normally wouldn't be a problem but Homelander might hear so I tightened his vocal cords. Now only small mouse-like squeaks escaped his lips. Hughie wiggled himself out from under the invisible man and pushed himself up against a wall. I couldn't see Translucence face but the muscles were constricted in his face. Even without the skin I could make out the expression of fear. I had to be quick about whatever I was going to do to him. 

       I couldn't hold such a targeted effort for too long. He tried to get to his feet so I tightened his joints connected to his knees. I struggled to hold him

 He was fighting against me. I felt a popping sensation and without warning he was ripped apart in all directions. Invisible bloody pieces are sent all over Hughie and I. He looked over at me almost more scared then before. 

      "Was that…" his question slowly trailed to silence as I nodded at him quickly. He slipped on the blood covered floor for a second as he got to his feet.

        Billy and Frenchie came running in. They started to speak but stopped as they realized what was covering us and the walls. 

        "What'd uncle Billy tell ya! Easy peasy. " He says as he hooks his elbow around my neck to pull me closer to his side. Frenchie almost trips over a particularly invisible pile of human. 

         The clean up was somehow more grizzly than the murder itself. Hughie was sent home to shower and try to forget what he saw. It was mostly picked up and Frenchie left to go talk to some girl. So Billy and I were left.

       "My mom wasn't two-timing Homelander. Her and dad had an open relationship and Homelander knew that." I say looking down at Billy who was on his knees searching for the last bits of translucent. 

        "Is that so?" 

        "Yeah and if you ever call my mom a whore again or say she was Homelander's cock warmer I'll pull your tongue out through your asshole." He let out a chuckle as he got up. He got out the file and held it out to me. 

     "I wrote the number of my business cell down on it if you change your mind about helping out. Either way, with or without you, I can promise Homelander is going to die." I grabbed the file but Billy didn't let go. "Stay out of trouble, if you don't you'll be seeing me again and I won't be there to ask for your help." His tone was dark. I could tell it was a genuine warning. I pulled it from his hand and walked out. 

       I wasn't even sure what was in this file but whatever It was, was worth it. It had to be. I killed a man for it after all.

Part 2 will probably be out tomorrow if not then definitely the day after. Thanks for reading! 💖

[inflammatoryfandomblog]

james vega’s introduction is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that’s all i have to say about that. the pull-up scene is miranda butt scene 2.0. i want justice for my snub-nosed NYC mexican man, he doesn’t deserve to be done dirty like this.

[joneshartright-blog]

The Other Side (Part 4)

Summary: a story about love and reincarnation

Warnings: none, song: please I recomend you to listen 'Ace of Hearts by Zella day' since a think is a beautiful song and match the romance, especially this chapter in the end.

»Thank you for being receptive with the fic.This chapter is in the same day as the other, if you look carefully at the details, you'll see.Also let me now if any of you wants to be tagged! «

Gabriella didn't know exactly how the visions started, she just remember feeling really nauseated at the time.However, she went to different doctors and psychiatrists that never find anything, but tried to put the fault in the fact that "she was abandoned, by her real mother" and it somehow caused a “trauma".

She always knew, since childhood, that she was adopted.At the age of 5, in a saturday morning her 'mother' came up and told to both of the kids that she wasn't her daughter by blood.But that it doesn't really matter, because the first time she saw her, she knew, she was meant to be her daughter and Julia's sister.The little girl only smiled answering a "love you,mommy”.

Now, old enough to understand, Gabriella couldn't be more grateful for everything that her and Julia, did to her.She would be forever grateful, the way they made her feel home and happy, never ending.She couldn't ask for more, but the same for them.

But yet, this never explained why she had the visions she had.The doctors could be right, if it wasn't for the fact that she was abandoned when a baby.Now all that she could think about was that.She was worried.She didn't know the meaning of a coffee "overflowing blood" , but she was damn sure she saw it happening, in front of her eyes.However the fear of being discovered as a “crazy lady in london", was worst so she just left the cafeteria, putting the pennies at table.

It has been only one day, that she was in London and confusion was something she felt the most part of the time.Her phone rangs and with cold hands she grabbed.

“Hello?"

“Hey, Gabs" she heard the voice of her sister on the other side of the line and tried to play it cool.

“Hey"

“Are you okay?" she could tell something wasn't right just by the tone.It was hard to lie to Julia.

“Yeah, right, I just had a headache. How was it?”

“It was fine, they told me everything I needed to know before I start on Monday." There we're a loud noise of people on the other side and apparentely some yelling.

“Look, Joe called me saying that he has some of kinda of invitation to us, and asked if we could find him at mall"

“At the mall?”

“Yeah, he told me that whatever where were going I have to use a dress, and not pants and a pair of boots"

Gabriella laughed at how annoyed she sounded.

“Are you laughing?"

“No, I'm sorry, but I think he's right, I don't understand why you never use a dress."

“It's not like is never, besides I think pants are more comfortable"

“Yeah, right"

“Ok, so find me at the mall, 12 PM?”

“Fine"

[...]

“Joe, this is really necessary?"

Julia asked annoyed after trying the third dress of the day.

“Of course it is, there's going to be a lot of ladies dressed like that"

She looked at the mirror, the dress wasn't bad, it was black, long and loose, she even liked it, but she still thought that her pants, sweater, boots and olive jacket was better.

“You're not gonna tell us where kind of event we're going, that requires those fancy dresses?”

“All you need to know is that a friend of mine invinted me, and me being the best guy that I am,I'm gonna bring you two with me and well now I'm buying you a dress.”

"What a gentleman" Gabriella says smiling and looking at the shoes she was putting.

“That's the time you two should say, 'oh my god Joe, you're the best!' "

“I really hope, you're not setting up one of us in a date"

“What's the problem?I see that you finally broken up with that prick so that means you're single and Gabi too"

She rolled her eyes adjusting the strap of the dress.

“Are you not going to tell us the name of your friend?"

"Yeah your 'best mate' " she faked the british accent laughing and receiving a hard look.

“Well you now" he posed in front of the mirror touching his hair and looking back at the two girls. “No one special, just Ben, I mean Benjamin Jones"

Realization came to Julia's eyes and she arched her eyebrows.

“Benjamin, wait, what?!” Gabriella took one minute to assimilate the sentence, a little shocked.

“Benjamin Jones?Are you joking?God, I can't , he's a genius!

“Yeah and happens to be a really nice guy too, I told him about you and he offered to go."

“I didn't know you two where friends"

“Well, we are, and I think you'll like him”

“Of course she will, he's intelligent, handsome and a journalist.I would kill to have a conversation about politics or anything with him"

Julia rolled her eyes again, shaking her head at her sister, smiling.

“Yes he's really talented and everything, but now I really need to decide which dress, because we don't pretend to expend all the day here right?And since you want your conversation we need to walk" her sister nodded enthusiastic.

“How do I look?”

“Perfect"

[...]

Outside the night seemed cold, only lights iluminating,sky without stars.The blond man looked through a window taking another sip of his whisky.

“Benjamin Jones!"

The voice of his boss echoed and he turned around giving him a quick smirk.

“Mitchum"

Mitchum Huntzberger was the editor-in-chief of 'The Front Page' one of the most influent journals in town.

“How are the things?"

It was really ironic to say that they were friends, since the beggining Mitchum made it clear their positions in journal: his being the editor-in-chief, and Benjamin, well a mere journalist who had the lucky of become famous.The truth was, Mitchum really liked Jones job, but refused himself to recognize that he was, in fact, a better journalist than he, Mitchum Huntzberger, could ever be.

“Fine"

“Did you enjoy yourself at this party?There's a lot of ladies here, for all types."

Ben always hated the way he treated woman around him, objectifying them.

“Yeah I see they're all interisting”

“You should give yourself a night of relief, if you know what I mean, if you keep yourself working like a dog, you might loose the taste."

Benjamin thought that at any moment he could throw the man in front of him out of the window, but infortunately he liked and needed his job.

“Thanks for your worry Mitchum, but I'm not looking for anyone tonight." he took another sip “I might let the chances for you"

He tapped his boss shoulder walking across the room, lefting the man alone, grateful that he didn't followed him.He step aside the tall man sighing tired.

“TED talks with the boss"

“I swear I could throw him trought the bloody window”

“The feeling is mutual, my friend, but think at least now we have a reason to toast"

Ben laughed.

“To our dick 'editor-in-chief'"

They hit the glasses, drinking all the whiskey.

“Joe is really coming?"

“I guess so, I offered to him to bring to girls"

“Two girls?" Gwilym smirks intentionally at his friend.

“What?”

“Nothing you just offered to him to bring two girls and I am the desperate for love"

"Oh shut it"

He shake his head seeing his other friend entering the party.

“Joe!" he talk out loud as the music start playing in some waltz rhythm.

“Ben!" he hugs his friend tapping his back.“Gwil!"

“Give me a drink please" Joe says to the man who has been serving the drinks. “So how is the party"

“Sublime" Gwilym says ironicaly and the blond one denies with his head, smirking.

“Well I have two interisting people to apresent to you, so maybe you night could be less boring." he blinks at Ben and he reply with a mouthful "yeah".

Joe turns around going into the direction of the two girls, one of them with a short hair and other with long.

At the moment she turns around to look at them Benjamin could hear his heart skip a beat and his eyes focuse in her moviments.The resemblance was haunting.She had exactly the same pale skin, freckles on it, dark brown eyes and hair except for the fact that it was shorter than he remembered.He could feel his stomach drop, he didn't know if he was seeing was true or not, but she was there in front of him vivid and real just as his dream.No she wasn't pleading to live, neither crying or even dead.She was alive, right in front of him looking at his eyes and smiling politely as he continued staring, reminding himself of his dream.

“Ben this Julia, Julia this Ben, well Benjamin, but we call him Ben"

And he took her hand, an eletricity running trought their palms as he shaked it gently.He was sure she felt it too, by the way she looked away, at his friend.However her eyes always find his again after some minutes.

In the other side of the room Gabriella stopped, she could feel it happening again as she tried to approach the group of friends.Blinlink a few times, she looked at them.

Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her.No, she couldn't be dreaming.At one minute she was in a room, a party, but now everything seemed out of place and time.Her blood started to boil, she didn't understood why they're dressed like that, with old clothes and accessories, like in era of the queen victoria and the books that she read before.Whatever it was, it wasn't her sister or Benjamin, they looked so different, so

“Gabriella!"

She didn't felt when she fell on the ground and before she could even reply everything went black.

@strangemaximoff @alosthufflepuff @imamazzellhoe @jdroman5432 @parkersroses @benshardy @kurt-nightcrawler @imaginesbyme @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @wint-er-voices @eyeballchambersgirl @blooharry @queenspur @72-mingo @toasty-fish

@onceuponadetectivedemigod @lizgarxo

[logicalstansadvice]

Lady Danger - Gotcha! I do think that is usually a weakness of his - his voice is pretty distinct.

/ What actor changes his voice though? Unless there's a role that implies an accent, I never heard anyone change their voice. When I see movies with other actors, including the great ones, I hear their normal voice. I don't know why everyone expects Sebastian to completely transform for a role, looks, voice, everything. He's an actor not a magician. He's supposed to act not have his tonsils removed to sound exactly like someone else.

Anon 2: // You realize Sebastian is an actor, not a ventriloquist, right? It's his voice. How could he possibly change it? And where have you heard other actors change their voice? And I mean change their actual voice, not talk with a British accent or smth. Him and Lily play the parts of Tommy and Pam, they are not actually them. If you want the real Pam&Tommy then go watch their sex tape or some real life documentary if they did one. Similar complaints were voiced when TFATWS was released: "Oh he has short hair, I just see Sebastian, not Bucky, boo hoo, he is so lame". Newsflash: he is Sebastian, he can act but he cannot change his physique or his voice to the point where you can't tell it's him. The standards this man has to live up to in order to please you are astounding. Nothing he does is ever good enough for you people. You're worst than the actual movie critics.

Anon 3: / Wow. So people really thought they were gonna see and hear real life Pam&Tommy, huh? Talk about high expectations, man...

Anon 4: /I saw comments on other blogs about Lily too, that she still sorta looks and sounds like herself. I honestly don't get these anons. Were they expecting perfect clones of Pamela and Tommy? To look exactly the same and to sound exactly the same? It's a story being portrayed by two actors, a movie, it's not a reality show. Tho I bet they wouldn't be happy even if the real Pamela and Tommy would have played themselves.

Anon 5: //// well of course, why am I not surprised? Just like in tfatws he didn't 'look right', here he doesn't 'speak right'. Damn it Sebastian, why do you always have to be such a loser and screw everything up? That's sarcasm in case it wasn't clear. All I'm gonna say anon is thank the lord he ain't fucking you, 'cause I'm pretty sure you'd have some notes about that too. And people say us fans think Sebastian can do no wrong. They way fans criticize his every project it seems he can't do anything right. At least not for them. And they didn't even see the show yet.

Anon 6: / A distinct voice is not a weakness for an actor, it allows them to leave their imprint on the role. The only problem is in Sebastian's fandom people don't understand what acting means and they expect him to look and sound like a different person all the time. They pay no attention to his actual acting, just his looks and voice.

Anon 7: /// Anon go call the producers and tell them to get Tommy to play himself. And maybe Pamela too, Lily isn't 100% like her either. Maybe that will satisfy your needs.

Anon 8: //// Who did you expect to hear? The pope? Sebastian plays Tommy, of course you heard him. They didn't bring in the real Tommy Lee to do the job. Wtf..

Lady Danger - I’m assuming that the anon expected some vocal affectation seeing as how he did it before on his previous Craig Gillespie project: I, Tonya. He did work to sound closer to Jeff Gillooly so I’m guessing the anon expected something different for this role. We can have different opinions on his work and not be hating the man. I’m obviously going to still be watching the entire series.

Ruby Woo - yeah, I guess I expected he'd make his voice deeper?

I know, I know....my expectations are too high.

[drakorn]

Dracula's extreme Sense of Paranoia

Dracula during the 'Dracula's Guest' Chapter: "Hmm...Jonathan seems to be getting on quite well...hold on...where is he travelling to right now? *makes a perfect calculation and determines the exact spot* "Munich! Munich, hold on...there was something...oh yeah! Shit! There's this village with the Countess I left behind once! And it's Walpurgis Night! Ok, Jonathan will have no reason to go there...but what if he happens to desire a walk? What if he decides to explore this village in his English 'Supernatural ain't got an effect on me!' manner? Shit! I better head off, otherwise this tea is cold before it even reaches me! WAIT! Hold on! If Jonathan is lost and I'm the only one around, he can't possibly be rescued, I can't risk being seen! Better write this letter to the hotel manager and arrange a soldier squad to go and save him. This is all purely hypothetical of course!"

Dracula buying Houses: "Ok, I've got nine houses already! That's NOT ENOUGH! If I'm being hunted down, I need something else! Something not easily detectable. Something, where the typical British person would never go to. *Looks up Carfax Abbey* That's awesome! Dirty, creepy, almost falling apart, the only building nearby being a lunatic asylum! I'm getting it!"

Dracula's Pick-up Plans: "Ok, right, Jonathan is getting close. I need to make sure he's checking in alright. I will recommend the 'Golden Crown' to him, excellent service, terrified staff unwilling to reveal any secrets. I will place him in the carriage that will depart at 3am, good timing! If my mathematical skills are correct, he will arrive at the Borgo Pass at Midnight. Wait...hold on...ah yes, the carriage driver might be a problem. He might have a good heart and wish to save Jonathan from my grasp. Following this logic, he might have pushed the horses to their limit, overall resulting in them arriving an hour earlier than expected! I must prepare for this! And I better get this massive beard on again, can't risk being detected! Plus! I need to invoke the feeling that I have servants! And I better get this strong booze along too since Jonathan's poor English throat couldn't possibly stand the harsh Transylvanian climate! I am on it!"

Dracula's Safety Precautions: "Damn! This woman and her child will ruin everything! I can't let her see Jonathan! Shit! She's seen him already! What to do? WHAT TO DO? Alright, Vlad, this can all be resolved in a calm and wise manner *Proceeds to unleash an entire pack of wolves onto the woman, violently mauling her to death* Phew, that was close."

Dracula's Reaction to Jonathan getting suspicious: "This tea-drinker is actually smarter than I thought! What to do? I'VE GOT IT! I shall lock him up in his room for the rest of his stay here, only letting him out for dinner. Hmm...but people in the village and especially in England might ask themselves why he's not replying or communicating in any way. Oh! Here's the deal: I shall make him write fake letters home detailing his journey back to England! It will all look like an accident this way! But the letters have to be delivered and I cannot possibly have him go to the post office. I will steal Jonathan's clothes and documents and do some Transylvanian cosplaying, haven't done that in a while! BRILLIANT!"

Dracula's Box Obsession: "Ok, listen, my dear gipsies! I want 50 boxes filled with the finest earth from under the castle! 50! No more! No less! 50! Do you copy? 50!!! if one is destroyed, I have 49 more! And if that one's destroyed, 48! 50 sanctuaries just for me!"

Dracula's Deduction: "Jonathan is oddly calm today...I wonder...hold on...*goes outside* Oi! Gipsies! Has Jonathan by chance made any contact with you? YOU WHAT? He gave you a letter? AND PAID YOU FOR DELIVERING IT? That explains everything! Oh, he shall pay!"

Dracula's Travelling Plans: "Ok, I'm on the boat, perfect! But wait...this boat surely has a schedule and designated ports! But what if my contract runs out by the time I finally reach England?! What if I end up with my boxes on the streets of some random Spanish port? No! No! No! I shall summon a destructive Hurricane that will bring the ship to Whitby! And Whitby alone it shall be! I will get right on schedule!"

Dracula while distributing his Boxes: "Five go there! Ten go there! Twenty there! One there! Brilliant! If I happen to be caught in one of them, I will always have something extra!"

Dracula's Escape: "Shitshitshitshitshitshit! They're onto me! Quickly, to Varna with us! Wait...that's the first port they will go to! Onto the next one! But wait...they can guess that one too! THIRD PORT IT IS! And then I shall get my gipsies, let them put the box on a boat and sell stream-upwards into the mountains! They'll never get me!"

BONUS from the 1992 Movie 1: "Alright, I need to blend in with the English environment! Here we are, a grey suit, perfectly reflecting the English weather! *Arrives in England and happens to be the most recognisable person due to this very suit* ...Shit."

BONUS from the 1992 Movie 2: "Renfield, my friend! It has come to my attention you have spoken with Mina! What did you tell her, mate? That I love her? Is that it? Do you think I'm stupid or blind? Surely you have told them all of my weaknesses and hiding spots! You have betrayed me, you little shit! Thanks to you they know everything now! You little traitor, you! And what do I do with traitors? *Proceeds to slam him into the door multiple times, killing him in a very gruesome way* That'll teach you not to betray me!"