#the most shocking 'muggle are so dumb' rethoric I ever saw outside of the actual books

[likorys-shimenawa]

Pottermore’s disturbing Christmat article

Okay, I don’t even know who wrote the piece on the Pottermore, but it’s fucking insane.

“Yet, naturally, wizarding Christmases do tend to be a bit more magical than others, encompassing all manner of twists on familiar festive favourites. It's enough to make you want to dump your dull, lifeless Christmas lights in the bin. After all, what's the point if they're not actually real, fluttering fairies?”

We start with Stephanie Meyer level of being in love with your world. Lovely... but okay, maybe it’s just a bad joke. It happens with written texts, right? Let’s see what’s next.

“But there are a few magical touches that Muggles sadly cannot compete with.The main thing being that there are means of magic that can make food replenish itself, meaning Christmas dinner never has to end. Imagine having the miracle of never-ending wine, for example.“

Okay, so the wizards truly have the solution to world hunger, and just... sit idly by... as people die of hunger... every day... It explains why they did the same with World Wars at least. Non-magical life is not that worthy of being saved I guess.

“Given that wizards are wizards, their Christmas presents are a bit more magical than most. Harry, for example, has sampled the delights of both worlds, going from toothpicks and 50p pieces from the Dursleys to Invisibility Cloaks, Firebolts and magical penknives. “

Holy fuckng hell what did I just read. Who would actually put a ‘fuck you’ gift from abusive family next to one of the most priceless magical artifacts and best car equivalent on the market?!

I guess the theme of the article really is ‘muggles sucks and that’s it’.

“ While some of us are guilty of going a little overboard with our festive decorations, our little fairy lights will always pale in comparison to the Hogwarts Great Hall during Christmas time. While Muggles struggle to drag home just one Christmas tree, the Great Hall usually boasts around a dozen massive ones, all immaculately adorned in candles, holly berries and even ‘real hooting golden owls’. Throw in everlasting icicles, Christmas lights that are actually fairies and enchanted snow falling from the ceiling, and even our impressive Christmas tree colour schemes can’t live up to all of that. Let’s not forget about the amazing-sounding Christmas crackers too, which extravagantly explode to reveal things like live mice and novelty hats. We don’t mean flimsy paper crowns that break the second we put them on either – we mean fully realised rear-admiral’s hats. “

Muggle stuff sucks, we’re pathetic and should know our place - I got the first five times! BTW, who exactly would be happy to have their house invaded by mice?

“Meanwhile, outside of Hogwarts, Fred and George Weasley have also been known to experiment with an unorthodox decorating technique. For while Muggles have taken to putting stars or angels on top of their Christmas trees, the twins opted to top theirs with a golden painted gnome, dressed it in a tutu. It’s good to think outside the box sometimes.“

If my memory serves my right, the gnoe was cought and petryfied to play as a decoration. So I guess electric light are #SoDumbAndPaleInComparsion, but casual kidnapping and enslavement is #FunAndGames.

Charming.

Nobody in particular put their names on this charming example of thinly-vailed propaganda, but I’m nut surprised. This is the fucked up shit Voldemort would be sending out in leaflets if he saw it. It’s as condescending and ‘there there, you did you best but you still suck’ as you can possibly get.

Don’t get me wrong, in-canon wizars would 100% write like that, but how about we normal people don’t spread the casuall prejudice and opression that are everpresent in the books?

Guess I remember why I stopped reading te Pottermore long ago. Should’ve kept at it .