#the main reason I'm still alive is bcuz I wanted to go to school to get a specific degree and b able to do a specific thing and | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mosspapi · 11 months ago

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The amount of stress and sadness and fear and grief and anger I have been feeling for the last two months is. Astounding. And what's worse is I haven't even actually felt any of it. I just know it's there, somewhere my brain won't let me see it, waiting to tumble out from its precarious stack in the dusty closets of my mind and and knock me down at the most inopportune moment.

#maybe delete later lmao I am just. going thru it tonight apparently #went to heat up my magic bag and while I was sitting on the floor I saw that my parents are packing up our Christmas stuff #and it just made me so upset. I got to see it all for like 24 hours bcuz I was in school and then vaccinated and then I got fucking covid #and I'll never get to see it out with my whole family ever again. this was my last chance and it didn't even happen.#and I'm so overwhelmingly debilitatingly stressed about school and my health and shit that idek where to start. it's all just too much #like. it's so bad dude.#tw suicide but I started writing a fuckin sui note in my drafts a few weeks ago and still haven't been able to delete it 'just in case'#I genuinely don't know if I'll be able to stay in school with the way my health is rn and there's so much to do there.#the main reason I'm still alive is bcuz I wanted to go to school to get a specific degree and b able to do a specific thing and #I fucking fought tooth and nail to get here and it all might be taken away anyways through nothing I could control.#and don't even get me started on my health. my body. my mind. my family and relationships. everything is going to shit.#idek where I was going with all this. I'm just simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly numb and idk how to handle it #armchair speaks #vent post

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