#the line “you speak of the devil like he's not your friend” hits soooo different now

[ohmytiredheart]

Relistening to A Soul With No King by AURORA after getting completely caught up with Malevolent is a brain altering experience

[disposedserenity]

*rough* review of MOTS:7

The title might say review, but it’s really just my own thoughts that I want to share in the form of verbal vomit. STREAM while u read.

1) Interlude: SHADOW I loved the song right away on first listen. The extended version is soooo good, because it traces back to yoongi’s iconic ‘I want big house, big cars, big rings’ line from NMD. Thematically, this is my favourite concept out of the 3 rap line solos (Persona, Shadow & Ego). Yoongi songs all immediately reasonate with me because the stuff he writes about are what I’ve experienced at one point in my life.... and I feel so deeply when yoongi is rapping about it. At this point, I could go on forever about why I love yoongi songs so much but I will stop here.

2) Black Swan

It took me about three listens to fully appreciate the song, but I KNEW I was going to love it when I heard that trap beat and the bump bump bump lyric... Then I watched the performance, and I just loved it even more. For years, I’ve been fervently wishing that bts (especially jimin) would do a contemporary dance and I AM SO GLAD THEY DID!! Speaking of the dance, that’s another analysis on it’s own.... The way they match the dance steps to the lyrics.... Also this song lined up right after shadow makes perfect sense because Shadow talks about losing yourself into the deepest and darkest recesses of your soul while in Black Swan, the boys step into that shadow and confront it because they realise you have to make peace with your shadow to emerge triumphant.

3) Filter

I swear, this could be an Alec Benjamin song because this song has Alec Benjamin VIBES all over. Well, I guess jimin took inspiration from him because he put a ton of alec’s songs on his spotify playlist and even went to his concert so yey! Both their voice tones are similar ish because it’s very distinct and their singing voices are quite different from their speaking voices so it’d be really cool if they made a song together. Funnily enough, I don’t really like this song as much as I thought I’d would. It’s not a bad song, but I think I don’t gravitate to this song as much because this song was written about jimin for jimin and it’s really himself that he’s singing it to.

This song also radiates BIG libra energy. Libras love changing and moulding their personalities to please other people and they put on various personas to showcase the multi-faceted sides of themselves (sorry, just a huge astrology enthusiast here lolol). Filter has a narcissist undertone to it done in a purposeful manner. The protagonist of this song KNOWS he’s desired and is flaunting it in any way possible. They are aware of the power they hold and are wielding it to control the listener (the pursuers) Ahahaha sounds like someone we know? Recently, I told a friend that Jimin is really good at fan service. He’s the idol of idols, his face and name gets recognised first, everyone wants to be him AND be with him.... To sum it up, filter is jimin showing the world that he has many sides and it doesn’t matter which we are going to choose because he can adapt to whichever one you please (this push and pull reminds me a lot of house of cards hmm...)

4) My Time

Jungkook definitely has some magic where his song always gets to me and I immediately like the song. I think he excels in laying out his emotions bare and this creates a perfect canvas for telling his story. I definitely cannot relate to what he talks about in My TIme because I am not a jetsetting global superstar who vary between time zones (not that I know of), yet I still feel like I’ve been in his exact footsteps and know that feeling. This, my friends, is what true skill looks like. The rarest of musicians are able to write a song about themselves and make it relevant to almost everyone. It’s an impossible task. Yet, this golden maknae has succeeded once again.

In Begin, he talks about leaving Seoul to pursue his dreams and dedicates that song to his 6 members, his 6 newfound brothers, the hardships they go through and again, this hits you hard. You might not have left your hometown at a young age, but everyone has left something or someone behind in their lives. Euphoria ALWAYS makes me melancholic even though I clearly 1) am not young, 2) do not have a first love 3) minus bts, would NOT call anyone the cause of my euphoria but shit, jungkook out here got me feeling things and tearing up.

Thank you jungkook for constantly expressing your thoughts in such a clear way in any song you write, and My Time is no exception (and it sounds like such a r&b banger too)

5) Louder than Bombs

TROYE! SIVAN! You absolutely can hear troye’s fingerprints all over this song because this song sounds like a troye song (in the best way possible, because I looooove troye and his music) This is another classic “happy sounding but sad af lyrics” bangtan moment. Louder than Bombs is a good midway point in the album because they are crossing into the sad, aggressive, heart tearing, no bullshit songs territory.

(I don’t have a lot to say about this because I really love this song and sometimes with songs that I like, I just sit back and enjoy for what it is.)

6) ON

OKAY NOW LET’S GET INTO FORMATION! (yes, this was the first thing that it reminded me of hahaha and her superbowl half time performance had a marching band too) THIS.IS.SUCH.AN.ABSOLUTE.EARWORM. I LOVE IT. The 30 second preview made me so intrigued because it only featured the “hey na na na” part so I wondered what ON would sound like. I was NOT expecting it to sound like that, but what can I say? BTS always blows me away with their title tracks.

Speaking of formation, hooooo boy do I love the formation of this choreography. Mad props to The Lab for pulling this out of their hat because IT IS SO IMPRESSIVE. The set up reminds me of dionysus too, in the way that the choreography is being arranged in the live performances. Big ups to the Blue Devils marching band too, because even though you can’t really see much of them in the mv (or maybe I’m too focused on the boys lol) but you can hear the marching band so much clearer in the audio and I am LIVING for it. Overall, I am utterly thrilled by this masterpiece.

7) UGH!

*gunshots* alright back to 2013 bangtan let’s go. UGH, when will rap line stop making a banger? never I guess, UGH. lord, just let me get dissed by rap line once and then life would be better.

I. fucking. love. the. rap. line. I am definitely not smart enough to try to analyse or decipher the lyrics even with translations because their wordplay is on a whole other level. With cyphers and ddaeng, I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore but I still am. They manage to outdo themselves with every new song they release together. RM, Suga and J-Hope are great on their own but you put them TOGETHER? in one STUDIO? god help us all when this is performed live because someone’s gonna get headbanged out of the venue. I’ll end this with a silent prayer for a rap line concert.....

8) 00:00

This song is so, so, so painful. This song is what Tonight is to me. Ok I’m going to get a whole lot more personal here.

I was in a fucking terrible internship last year during the period Persona was released (I’m actually quite thankful this song wasn’t released then or I’d really have full on goblin ugly cry listening to this). That was the worst job experience I’ve ever had in my life (lao tian ye please don’t deal me any more shitty hands). I spent every day wishing that my misery would end soon and I physically did not want to go to work the next day. Every morning, I was almost crying to have to get up to go to work (and because it was an almost 2 hour journey to the office). By the time I reached home, all I could do was eat (if I had an appetite) and retire to my room and lie on the floor and just stare into my ceiling while mindlessly scrolling through social media looking for some sort of solace. Some days, even bts wasn’t doing it for me. Even though I managed to get out of that hellhole before the end date, the trauma (lol can I call it that?) and emotions stayed with me throughout the rest of the year. Only one friend knew I had depression and constantly asked me about it (thank you friend, even though you won’t read this...) and I even looked up therapists in singapore.

The lyrics ‘An unsettling night, suddenly, I look at the clock. Soon, it’s 12 O’Clock. Will something change. It probably won’t be the case’ hits so hard because this describes my situation to a T. By the time I got home, it was about 8.30 and by the time I snapped out of my mindlessness, it was almost midnight and this cycle just carried on for months. 

Zero O’Clock

And you gonna be happy

Midnight is both a happy and sad hour, because for some it could signal the end of their misery or their happiness. Back then, it was my hell because it meant a new hellish day was approaching. Looking back now, I realise it could have been a tiny form of happiness because it meant that the days are passing and the end to my pain was getting closer.

So thank you Jin, Jungkook, V and Jimin for creating such a beautiful song that I didn’t know would end up being so personal. Putting aside the meaning, it is such a great song that I’d put on repeat. But I’m scared to call this a favourite because of how intimate this is for me so I hope y’all understand. But, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

9) Inner Child

This sounds like it should be a in a drama or anime haha. The “whoa ohhhh” vocals in the backgrounds reminds me a lot of Jet Lag too. Inner Child is a very fitting title because as V described, it is a letter to his past self. As an ARMY, I’ve witnessed how much V has matured over the past few years. I mean even though all of the members have also grown, V’s transformation is the one that stands out the most (at least to me). Tae went from a bright eyed outgoing kid to a still outgoing but deeply contemplative adult in front of millions of adoring fans and strangers alike, and I cannot imagine how that must be like for him. V is a notoriously private person, and we know the least about if you reeeally think about it. I will never (nor do I want to) know what goes through his mind but I appreciate the fact he reveals a tiny glimpse of it in his songs (scenery, winter bear and now inner child).

10) Friends

CAN YOU SPELL SOULMATES? NO YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE THERE IS NO VMIN IN IT. Ships are cute and all, but vmin has trascended beyond what ships are and I’m convinced they are all part of a bigger plan arranged by the Almighty that no matter what happens, they will always find each other in their four lives (can you tell I’ve been watching Goblin lolol). Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Jae and the episode was about the probability of soulmates. One of the questions he posed was what is a soulmate? To me, I believe that soulmates exist in many forms. There are the romantic soulmates (hi glenn & benn), friendship soulmates, family soulmates, strangers soulmates and even a bond between a pet and a human. I now think there should be another category of soulmates and that is vmin. *cries I want what vmin have* Not everyone manages to find their soulmates. The lucky ones do, and the rest of us will have to settle for second best.

Also kudos to Jimin for his first ever produced song! woohoo

11) Moon

When I first read that this was a song about Jin’s love for ARMY, I braced myself for a full waterfall of tears. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how happy this song sounds??? (thanks jin for not making me cry again like tonight did). Now that I think about it, of course Jin would make a happy love song (pffft saggis). As we all know, Jin’s way of comforting himself is to comfort others through laughter, smiles and lotsa dad jokes. No one else but Jin would and I love him even more for this. He takes the idea of what you’d think a love song would sound like and turn it around. SAD? NOT IN JINHIT ENTERTAINMENT.

Jin, know that you are more than a handsome face and the oldest member. You are loved more than you think you are. You think you’re the moon to us? No hun, you are the entire galaxy contained in those worldwide shoulders.

12) Respect

My favourite track. I mean starting with that iconic “should I stay or should I go” line? Genuis. Collab of the year. Namgi of the year. Ok, maybe I am slightly (alot) bias since this song is essentially Suga, RM & El Capitixn (yes, THE El Capitixn that helped to produce DDAENG).

Namgi dynamics are so rarely talked about because most people see them as the underground rapper duo who’ve known each other over 10 years and are old friends and that’s about it. Their dynamics just gets to me even more because the trust and respect they have for each other is incredible. Joon looks up to yoongi as an older member and also for his incredible work ethic, while yoongi trusts joon wholeheartedly as their leader even though joon is younger and the way they banter off each other? ugh, where can I get bros like namgi? Their rap and producing styles are so vastly different yet the result that is respect makes ME respect them. Use me as your slave, masters.

bonus: that ending clip of them just having a convo? please share your stories from back in the day, please. I said please. with a cherry on top.

13) We are Bulletroof: the Eternal

Is this MOTS : 7′s answer to Mikrokosmos? I can already imagine this as the ending song of a concert..... A perfect tune to end the album as well. Who knew my attraction to the number seven had a deeper meaning than just simply liking it huh? Is my life preplanned too.... @ universe  give me answers. I really like how this song did not go the WABB Part 1 & 2 route and took a softer approacher indeed. It’s almost like they are saying we were seven hardened boys made more tender with the existence of armys.... ok bitch don’t make me cry anymore than I have been suppressing.

“we are not seven, with you” :’))))

14) Outro: Ego

This is the kind of song that gets better the more you listen to it. Not that it was bad on the first listen, but usually such bright and positive songs takes a while longer for the emo in me to process. I say this all the time that I almost sound like a broken recorder, but I LOVE LOVE how hobi has crafted a sound for him that is uniquely his and you will be able to immediately recognise it’s him (which is such a hard feat to pull off, might I add). I’m also immensely proud because he started out as a street dancer to becoming one of the best rappers in the industry while holding his rightful candle alongside two already established rappers that is namgi. I cannot wait to see this being performed live because you just know he’ll get everyone and their grandmas to start vibin right there.

In conclusion, I love bts. what else is there more to say.

[lightskinvibe]

Why I only act like a fangirl for GOT7

-They're not just GOT7. They're VISUAL7, TALENTED7, AEGYO7, LIT7, FUCKITUPPP7, EVERYTHINGAMAZING7 -But no really do y'all pay attention to their looks?? -NONE OF THEM LOOK BAD EVER. NOT EVEN STOP STOP IT ERA THEM -BamBam is a dank meme -But JB is too -And Mark lowkey -Don't forget Yugyeom -Actually let's just say they all are -The Naruto run in that one interview -Mark, Jackson and JB fly and twirl in the sexiest ways -OKAY BUT HAVE YOU EVER PAID ATTENTION TO THE MUSIC THEY LISTEN TO IN THE BACKGROUND OR THE STUFF YUGYEOM DANCES TO?? THEY LISTEN TO DRAKE AND JEFF BERNAT AND BRYSON TILLER LIKE I CANNOT EVEN 😩 -Yugyeom makes every stage he comes on pregnant -Like honestly, yes his sexy dance is sexy af no lie, but do y'all see how this guy never missed a beat? He catches EVERY BEAT IN THE SONG LIKE HIS DANCE ABILITY IS RIDICULOUS -But let me not leave out Jinyoung and JB's skills because dayum have you seen their moves? -And Jackson's -And Mark's -And Youngjae's -They all dance so well it hurts like I live for the choreography and their songs. I want to learn to dance to them all -All of their smiles. Because I feel the sun shine brighter when they smile. Like each one has their own unique smile and all of them are beautiful -BamBam pre glo and after glo. Both are just perfect -Jackson's fucking powerful ass freestyles. Like he's goofy af but he's really got the moves. Go Wang Puppy -Mark can fly -Mark is the visual out of a group of visuals -Mark's hairstyles -Mark's dancing. Really guys, who the hell said he was the weakest? Cause in every dance video, my eyes somehow get drawn to Mark at some point and I have to rewind because he drew me in with his dancing -Like before I noticed Mark, I noticed Mark's dancing -"Who's the red head with the moves? 👀" -His personality shows in his moves. They're fluid and easy going and it looks so easy to follow his moves. Until you actually try to -Then you realize these guys work hard af and Mark has the moves -Jackson with his hair down -He's literally a puppy. I mean a giant puppy for real -But then again they all kinda are -Except for Jinyoung -He reminds me of a kitten -And Yugyeom reminds me of a Golden Retriever sometimes and then a mouse the other -Cause Tom&Jerry -Jinyoung's dorky laugh -Jackson's high pitched laugh -The fact that when Mark laughs, it sounds like he's a child at a park having the most amazing time on the merry go round -It's so giddy and precious and makes him so innocent -HIT THE STAGE YUGYEOM -The migratory bird's laugh -BamBam's breathless laugh -JB's geek laugh -Youngjae laughs like a child being chased by the tickle monster -Yet another person who laughs like a kid having the time of his life -The fact that Youngjae is sunshine otter -The fact that no one can ever really rank members without feeling somewhat discontent because they're all so good at everything like -The rap line sings really well. Jackson is the most confident which shows in his voice. BamBam comes in second with that because he prefers to sing off key purposely to be the meme he is. And then Mark is just a shy bean. It's so cute and I know you're busy squealing at his cuteness and laughing till it hurts at BamBam, but really listen to them -Cause Mark and BamBam have the fucking vocals -While we're on the subject of vocals, JB's voice is so strong and soulful -Like you can tell that man listens to Musiq Soulchild because his voice carries alot of R&B traits -Youngjae made me think of Elliot Yamin the first time I heard his voice and then I find out he likes Elliot Yamin -Not saying they sound like them, but the music you listen to impacts how your voice sounds. And they both have very strong emotional R&B type voices -Lemme not leave Jinyoung out though -I can't really pinpoint a single genre for Jinyoung's voice. -But his voice has alot of emotion and soul -It's soooo underrated -Like have y'all heard his voice in Mr. Chu's chorus? Or in the Japanese version of Stay? Or in This Star?? -Which he wrote -Speaking of which, they write alot of their songs -And they're hits -All over the world -Jinyoung and Yugyeom's choreography skills -Jinyoung's acting -JB's acting - I love both but like... Jinyoung really gives me fucking chills -The fact that they took one of their self made memes and made it into a lit ass song -Youngjae's engrish -Youngjae period -The fact that so many people claim Youngjae is a weak dancer, when I can't seem to find this weak dancer -Like he can move forreal. He's shy about it but he can. He's weak with freestyle and that's cause he's shy. But weak dancer? Where?? Je n'ai comprend pas -Jinyoung's facial expressions -Mark's facial expressions -Both really speak well with their faces -Like Mark can just give a look and you just know what he has to say without him saying it -BamBam's cooking skills -Markson being bilingual on Star King -Like they remind me of two mischievous brothers. I can't ship them as anything but brothers honestly -Like they make me think of a cooler Zack and Cody -Mark is calm quiet -Jackson is loud and rowdy -They're like Yin Yang actually -Mark is calm and quiet but he has hyper and loud within him as well -And Jackson is the opposite -But back to the brothers thing. They're like two smart ass twins who cause good natured trouble -A little like Hikaru and Karou from OHSHC -Dream High 2. -Dream Knight -"A" Teasers -Their reactions to all 3 -Their reaction to Jackson's YouTube video on Weekly Idol -The fact that when Mark gets shy or overwhelmed, he unconsciously clings to or hides behind something -Or someone -Someone like the giant Maknae -They have a giant maknae -Jackson on Roomate -When Jackson's parents came on Christmas -Y'all I'm not an easy crier. But I was bawling -Because Jackson, despite how popular and rowdy and everywhere he is -He's still this amazing kid who loves to be in mommy's arms -He loves his parents so much -The way he lights up with them -I saw a clip where he was in between both his parents -He couldn't keep the smile off his face -Even when he wasn't smiling you felt the light and smile radiating from him -Speaking of smiles... Jackson has bunny teeth -It's so precious -Mark has shark teeth -I have a thing for guys with pretty eyes and pretty smiles so when Mark and Jackson smile... Jesus -JB's eyes. They're extremely cute. Especially when he's in puppy mode (Puppy mode=Hair down and in it's natural state) -The fact that BamBam puts on makeup, but then takes it off and looks the exact same -Except tanner. Which isn't bad at all because his skin tone looks amazing on him -BamBam's legs -Yugyeom's legs -Mark's butt and legs -Jackson's thighs -The fact that Jinyoung is a tease with the clothes he wears showing he does in fact have this bomb ass body but never taking off his clothes and showing us said body -But that's okay because these boys don't need to strip to bring appeal to them. We die when they just breathe -The fact that this could go on forever because they're really amazing and everything. -I'll state a few more and then go to sleep cause it's 4am and bitch I'm dying -Flight Log. All three. Beautiful. -The guitar playing in Flight Log: Departure ( DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN LISTEN TO A FULL COVER CAUSE I REALLY HAVE A THING FOR ACOUSTIC GUITAR AND PIANO) -Youngjae's trance when he plays piano -Yugyeom's trance when he dances -JB and Jinyoung's trance when they sing -Mark's trance period -They love what they do so much that it makes me happy to understand how much they love it -The aura when Yugyeom is being a lil shit and goofing off around his hyungs vs. His aura when he's performing his dance moves -Like Hit The Stage had me shook. His whole aura changed. Maknae my ass. He became daddy -The fact that I can say alot about GOT7 without sounding too creepy or too mature because I was born in 1999 -Youngjae's shyness -Everytime they're on Weekly Idol -Everytime they're on a variety show period -Law Of The Jungle -Mark's Hyper Time -IGOT7 -REAL GOT7 -Just right summer -Youngjae is a visual -GOT7 dissing 2PM -Their reaction when a member of 2PM came out while they were dissing them -Like they all screamed and ran to the other side of the studio like toddlers. So precious -The fact that within the first 5 minutes of IGOT7 episode one, BamBam had us swooning by moving to shyly stand in the corner cause he was overwhelmed by all the cameras -Signal to their pastselves -"ANDWEE?!! ANDWEEEE!!" *Voice cracks* -"This is 2015." " It's 2016." 0.0... "They said it's 2016." -Jackson going off on himself in 3 different languages -"Do you even understand what I'm saying right now?? STUDY KOREAN." -"RAMEYOOOOON (Furious)" -" NEVER ACT CUTE" -"Here.... It is 2016. And you are.....living a really boring life. Do something. Whatever... *Smiles pitifully*" -"Better just not make a comeback period." -DON'T FALL ASLEEP IN THE HAIR SALON -Jinyoung is an little devil -"Did you hear that? He said he's going to kill me." -Jackson's heart -Mark tried to save a fan from a falling light fixture -The fact that Mark is an idol but is so humble and down to earth -"Don't just walk off. Make sure the cameras see you too." -Mark, who cares not for appearing on broadcast, but on being a helpful silent hardworking child. Bless him -Idol life never changed any of them. They're all humble great boys. -"Hyung! Do you believe in me?!" "YES!" "...BUT I WOULD LIKE TO APPEAR ON BROADCAST!" -"BABYBABYBABYBABY-BABYBABY!" -Follow Me -Yugyeom and BamBam are fanboys -They're the best of friends -It's beautiful to watch how close they are -All of them really -No one is left out -They are the definition of "Ohana means family and family means 'No one gets left behind'" -Stan them and everything about them -Because these 7 dorks... The way they are. The things they do. They not only entertain you, but they make you wanna be great too. It's amazing really -They are

[sakurai09]

I need to rethink my friends...

Don’t fret, my gorgeous, beautiful, fucking amazing online friends @dreamychick, @talaraleya, and everyone else who I speak to (I just talk to these two more regularly,)

I mean my only real life ‘in my face’ friend. Heurgh…

MCM Comicon will never be the same for me. And though I might be petty, I’ll let you decide (if you want to read)

Okay, so let me explain.

So MCM Comicon was this Saturday. And yes, it was fantastic and I had a blast and I bought soooo many things (many that I can’t show because about half of them are for a certain parabatai of mine) so I’ll just write about it instead.

Yeah, there’s a legit reason why I don’t have (any fucking) pictures.

Now, I woke up that morning, ecstatic, put on my Kageyama Tobio (Haikyuu) cosplay, and styled my hair (well, Kageyama had dark red hair instead of black….work with me here, I don’t do well with wigs), did my make up to look like him, and had pretty much everything down pat.

Got on the train and met a(n extremely tall) dude dressed as Ash Ketchum (Pokemon) and we were talking about the places we were going to hit when we got there.

He took a picture of me on the train platform, and I of him (which when I asked him if I could post it, he said no, so I’m going to go with his wishes – just imagine a tall dark haired European dressed in the blue jacket and the red hat – got it? Good.)

Got off the first train and Ketchum (no names will be stated, I will be using their character/cosplay names) finds his friends at Euston, and says that if we meet again at the convention, to hang out.

Meh, sure. Why not. He seemed pretty cool.

Anywhoo, I had to take 4 trains to get to the convention. One overground from my home town to London Euston, then the underground to Bank, then the DLR to Cannon Street, then the DLR again to Price Regent.

Not bad, because I met a child Kaneki Ken on the Underground, he was having some difficulty with the amount of people on the train and his tentacle things (which OMG looked amazing!) and his dad was kind of shielding him, and I was standing behind them, to help them out as well (because I know what that feels like, with and without the cosplay).

We all got off at Cannon Street, and that’s where I met Rin from Love Live, and Levi from Attack on Titan, and apparently, they had just started talking to me the entire way to the convention (they came with their parents, because they were hella young, and their mother was happy that there was another “responsible adult” taking care of them, and her other kid who didn’t cosplay was exitedly talking random theories with me. More like, my teacher instincts came and I was just looking out for them, without looking creepy)

So we got into the convention, and I saw the most adorable Yuuri and Victor (Yuri on Ice) I have ever seen, they were dressed in their final outfits, and had pretty flower crowns on. (my phone won’t allow me to post their picture, so I’ll try it later when I’m at a pc or laptop…fate doesn’t want me to post any pictures…its a sign!)

Waiting in line to check my bags, spoke to a Vaporeon, Sam and Dean, Ace Ventura and his crew, many more AOT characters, a Storm Trooper (in which I was saved by saying “I am not the droid you’re looking for”) and many others whom I don’t know their characters, but they were extremely nice, and we sang the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody and then the Pokemon theme song.

Unfortunately, my phone was in my bag, because my cosplay didn’t have any pockets, and the ones that were there on my jacket were small so my phone poked out, and I really didn’t want my focus to be on just my phone the entire time.

I really wished I had taken it out to take pictures, because some people were dressed so freakin amazing, cosplay up the wazzoo, and they were all so pretty.

I was entranced by a woman dressed as Mikazuki Munechika, and she was so precious. And then again by a man dressed up as Tony Stark (so Ironman without the entire suit) he had the arc reactor and everything!

‘But sakurai-ai,’ I hear you say, ‘this all seems like a lot of fun, why are you rethinking of your friends?’

Well, dear, it all went downhill after I met my friend.

The person I was supposed to meet to do the comicon together was odd throughout the entire ordeal. Let’s call him Lucifer (legit, that’s his name saved on my phone). And he hadn’t even bothered to cosplay, or wear a fan shirt – I mean, sure…whatever.

So the convention centre was planned out with a centre hallway that had all the restaurants and tables, confectioneries, etc, and there were two immense hallways on either side with the convention stalls. (like a butterfly, where the body is the restaurants and entrance exits, and the wings are the stalls). Got it? Good…

Our plan, go through everything on one side, take a break, get some lunch, and go through the other side and then double back if we wanted something.

Easy, and it worked until after lunch.

There were so many amazing stalls, all with so many cool and pretty things, and there were things there that I had never seen before, and I wish I had a chance to go back and go through them all again and really appreciate what they were. But thankfully I got all the business cards from each of the stalls I liked and will definitely go back to them later.

So, after lunch – in which I got noodles that did not taste like I had wanted them too, but then again the line was immensely long and I didn’t expect it to be fine dining. I was mellow. And saw a group of Harley Quins, who all looked amazing!!

Anywhoo, I am an avid Yaoi/BL lover (as you may have noticed) and I really was interested in the section that said ‘yaoi’, so I kind of beelined for that place, but it turns out I did not get a chance to look, let alone peruse, because Lucifer decided he wanted to check out the other section with his favourite things on it, and he didn’t want to leave me alone, because we “may get lost” – yeah, if I got lost, I’d call you.

So…thinking I’d get another chance to go back to that section, I followed Lucifer to the section he wanted to look at (which honestly, I have no interest in, he likes Transformers, and yeah, I like Mecha too, but not Transformers, never have, never will – I’m sorry for those who do, I understand the appeal, but I’d rather a Guymelef or a Gundam than a Transformer…don’t hate…) but I trudged along as he talked about Transformers to the counter dude, and he seemed excited for it. Who am I to stop him having a good time.

In that time I found a lot of other people who were dressed as Haikyuu characters, and we took a few pictures. I saw an Oikawa (yes, she looked hot…) and we took a few pictures. Then I met a legit amazing looking Kogetsunemaru and was like ‘Mikazuki is around here somewhere’, to which they were pretty excited about.

I saw a few Batmans, a few Darryls and their Lucille’s, and many, many, many other amazing cosplayers. And I rued that my phone was in my bag, because I really wanted to take pictures of them all.

After a half hour of that, where people took pictures of me (dude, if you’re out there and reading this, please tag me, I want to see you all again in your amazing cosplay glory!!) and I just was bedazzled by the greatness of these people and their commitments to their cosplays.

I scrounged the area around where I was, and honestly, I’m not a graphic novel reading person (as you may know) I do enjoy reading Grayson and Constantine, which my parabatai @dreamychick got me into. But other than that, I’m anime and manga all around. So not only did I not know who half of the characters were (other than the obvious ones, i.e. Batman, Superman, etc etc) I wasn’t interested in buying them.

Don’t get your pitchforks out just yet.

We all like different things, and that’s all okay!

Half hour passed, and Lucifer finally emerged from the depths of Transformers and we continued.

Here’s the kicker, whenever I was at a stall, perusing figurines and other things that I really wanted to get, he’d be like the devil on my shoulder, telling me that we wouldn’t have time to see everything else if we stayed in one place too long.

Ironic, since the guy spent the last half hour at a stall talking about Transformers, and then buying the smallest, dinkiest little thing from them. And yet, when I want to spent a few minutes looking at a figurine of Levi, or something, to make sure it looks cool and is cheap enough for me to consider buying, he pulls on my arm and drags me out.

Heurgh…

I need to take a moment to get my anger down…just a sec….

…

…

…okay, I think I’m okay.

I did, however, find the beautiful Mikazuki Munechika and Kogitsunemaru nendoroids and bought them, because they are the most adorable and cutest looking figures ever.

And I saw a Sugawara Koushi nendroid…people, I saw him, and he was rather cheap…much more so than I had seen online.

I went to tell the clerk I wanted him, I had him in my hand, really, I did…but then Lucifer dragged me off somewhere else and I had to put him down. I even told him I was thinking of buying it, and he said ‘we can come back to it later’.

Bad idea…

But I looked at the clerk and was like ‘please save it, I’ll be back’, but he was a business man, though he said he’d keep it to the side, I knew he’d sell it if someone asked.

Bye bye Sugawara Koushi nendoroid….

But look…graphic novels…yay…

Again, I’m not saying they are bad, they aren’t. Some of the covers I saw were damn hell amazing. And if I knew anything about them, I’d be all up in there.

But alas, I am not literate in graphic novels, so I really couldn’t enjoy it like it was supposed to be. 

And, I’m not used to reading comics from left to right, I’ve been programmed from right to left, sorry. And I didn’t learn kanji, hira and kata just so I could read English comics…

I’m sorry, I have nothing against them, I just don’t like them. (Mainly because they have too many interlocking story lines, many inside jokes and starting from the beginning will cost me my yearly salary for the next 10 years).

Back to the story.

‘Still,’ I hear you cry, ‘Lucifer just wanted to have fun too, he came to the convention centre to have fun too. He should get a chance to look!’

Sure, I agree, that was why I made sure he got a chance to see every single stall he wanted to for however long he wanted. Because I know he only wanted one thing, or one series of things, and he wanted to look at every single stall that would have semblance of that thing.

But, he would not let me get to see much of what I wanted to see.

I did, however, go back to the yaoi section, and literally just had a chance to go ‘oh look, Haikyuu doujinshi let me see–’ before I was pulled away again.

I had to push him back and tell him that I was going to buy something and he should either look somewhere else or just stand there and let me look.

Ever heard a grown man whine?

I have…it was rather pathetic. So I literally picked up what was already in my hand and said I’d get this.

So…so far, I had a Levi figurine, Mikazuki Munechika, Kogistunemaru nendoroids, a hell of a lot of business cards from the stalls I wasn’t able to look properly at, and a sad heart because when I went back for Sugawara…the guy had sold him.

Yup…

Also, Lucifer pees, like a lot. So I had a lot of time to sit outside the toilets (seven times in total….yeah….) and contemplate my new game plan.

Quick scan, see what I like, and impulse buy.

So we went on the other side and this side seemed to be for gamers and graphic novel lovers. But there was a comic village, which had a lot of manga – but no yaoi, and honestly, at the stalls they were all priced the same as they would be if I bought them from Waterstones back home, so I didn’t see the point. I perused while Lucifer went around the other way of the massive stall and saw the books he wanted.

I couldn’t stray too far, because the asshat would get lost.

We saw the TofuCute stall, and it was so adorable, but again, I was dragged through it pretty quickly, because it seemed that looking at plush and trinkets and cute things and snack items which I wanted to get!!! was something that was not ‘manly’ enough for Lucifer.

I did stop at a cute badge stall and told Lucifer to ‘fucking wait,’ or ‘go over to that stall, i think I see a Transformer there, do you have that one?’ and that gave me time to look at the badges, gush on how cute they were to the creator, and buy the ones that I liked enough – still an impulse buy, because I didn’t really get a chance to see much else on her stall.

What am I going to do with badges?

I did get a chance to look at the stall next to it and see small figurines, they were like an inch tall, so I got my OTP - Tsukkiyama (Haikyuu) and Rei and Nagisa (Free), and was looking at the other figurines, deciding which ones to buy. I came across a cheap Sawamura Daichi (Haikyuu) because the box was dented some, so the price came down drastically.

The dude let me do a quick check inside, and I saw the figurine was immaculate. And though I understand the need of the boxes (I adore having them. I know that they will be safe in their boxes in case I need to put my figurines away). So I quickly purchased him (still forlorn over Sugawara nendoroid…)

Lucifer came back with a fucking huge box in a bag, that must have cost over £100, and it was a Transformer – it looked cool, and the look on the guys face was happy.

So yeah, can’t dent on that.

We then spent the next 3 ½ hours going through the rest of the stalls, many of which I had no clue of – because honestly, I don’t have a PS4 or an XBox One (gasp, I know) so half of the characters on the games was something that went way over my head.

There were retro games and consoles being sold too, but what was the point if I didn’t have those, or didn’t want any of the games?

But Lucifer wanted to look, so I let him (after what seemed like the millionth bathroom break).

It was getting closer to closing time, and I had had fun, sure I didn’t get to see many of the things I wanted to see, the yaoi section was something we never visited again, because ‘yeah, I like Transformers and you like the boys love stuff. but I don’t like that kind of stuff, it makes me uncomfortable’

(Which is why I never speak of it in front of you, or mention it in conversations ever, and the fact that I told you constantly from three months prior to the convention that ‘if I see something related to yaoi or bl, please know that I’m going to want to see it, and if you’re in anyway uncomfortable, you can go look at something else while I look’. to which he had stated ‘sure’ on every occasion)

And even though I went to, and waited for you without complaint to every stall you went to, the fact that I wanted to stop at a (NON-YAOI/BL) stall was suddenly me taking up valuable time.

So, sure….that was one reason why I was rethinking my friendship with him, but it wasn’t something that would tip me to ‘no-friends’ territory.

I am an aphenphosmphobic, to all those who know and follow me, to those who do not, or just don’t know. That means I do not like people touching me. I get panic attacks, and on many occasions, have scratched my skin off wherever the person had (even accidentally) touched me, and bled out because of it.

And Lucifer knows that, and the fact that I am asexual and not looking for a relationship with someone where sex is the main factor (sure it can be a part of it, but its not the sole thing).

And sure, I know people can be affectionate, and all touchy feely, and I get that. I’d probably be the same if I didn’t have aphen.

However, the grabbing my shoulders, laying on my lap, pulling me close to them and expecting me to lay my head on their shoulders, holding onto my neck, trying to hold my hand (thankfully I had bags to hold, and did not put anything in my backpack, even though I knew I had enough space to do so). I did not give him permission to do so. And I had told him, countless of times I did not like it, even saying the words ‘please, don’t touch me, I don’t like it’ to him countless of times. i had even told him that my mother was getting me married off to someone (as a side thing when he asked how life was) and that I was happy with that (dreamychick, thank God for you and our pact)

The bugger didn’t listen, and just kept hugging me. I wasn’t giving off any vibe, or anything to state that I liked it, or that I was playing hard to get. I was stiff and uncomfortable every time he did so.

So much so, that even a large man who was dressed as some kind of viking or knight or something (I’m sorry, I don’t know your character, but THANK YOU) came up to me and took me away because he ‘wanted to get a picture with me because of my cosplay’.

He took me to the side and took a few selfies of us, but I knew he didn’t know my character. He even said ‘you looked like you needed help, don’t let him do things like that to you’.

Which again, thank you Mr. Shirtless Knight!

So ….favouring unfriendship-ness yet? No?

Well, how about this…

I met a really good looking Hinata. Remember, I’m dressed as Kageyama. And I really, really wanted to meet a Hinata and take a few Kagehina pictures. And this person comes out of the blue and kind of stumbles into me. (there are a lot of people, so it makes sense) so I turn, wanting to say sorry, but then I see what he’s wearing and I just can’t help myself.

So I say the famous line (note paraphrase!!) “There’s nothing scarier than hitting me in the back of my head, is there? In that case, you don’t have to be nervous because you’ve already done the scariest thing possible,”

The guy (who was tall for Hinata – but everyone is tall to me) gave me a ‘oh crap! Freaked out’ face, but then we started laughing.

And then he asked if we could take some pictures together. I gave Lucifer my phone and told him to take a few pictures too. And we did some cool moves and things like that. Then this other girl came and saw us (she was dressed in a really pretty maid outfit kind of dress) and she wanted to take some ‘kagehina’ pictures. So we did, it was so much fun, because I was shorter than he was, but we still had loads of fun doing it.

Then she asked us to try and do the ‘freak quick’, so we stood next to each other and I pretended to toss him the ball and he jumped up and pretended to hit it.

We had to do it a few times, and a small crowd of people had drawn in to watch, but then walked away just as quickly. Whatever.

We found a Nishinoya who stood behind us, and there was an Asahi who, even though we urged him to come into the picture, he came in for one and then left, because he had too many things in his hands.

And where was Lucifer??

Not taking pictures of this monumentally straight-out-of-fanfiction moment. Nope, the fucker had gone off to the comic village and was browsing through the comics there.

So for those people who took pictures, please, please, please send them to me! Because I am in desperate need of a reminder why comicon is the fucking best.

So the day did not stop there.

Oh no, Lucifer had one more ace up his sleeve.

If any of you live in London, or are familiar with London rail map, you’d know that London Euston and Kings Cross St. are like 2 minutes (aka one stop) away from one another. And that Prince Regent is three trains away from it.

But my mate Lucifer wanted to go to Westfield Centre for dinner, aka Stratford International. So me, being a complete loon, thought ‘sure, we can get something from a restaurant is Westfield, then we’ll both take the trains back to Euston and Kings Cross (respectfully) and then be on our merry ways home on either side of the country.

Easy right? We did this every time.

Woe is me, who forgot that Stratford International has SouthEastern trains as well. Which is he train that he takes to go home. I feel like such a fool.

So not only did I have to scrounge up the last parts of my saving for that weekend because the fucker bought the massive Transformer, which he had had to lug everywhere, and therein we were not able to fully appreciate all of the stalls we wanted to go back to, and that also meant we took twice as many breaks as before.

But his card stopped working, so I had to pay for his dinner. Which, thankfully he has still hasn’t paid me back. But I’m dealing.

I wasn’t even hungry, I had eaten a few snacks I had brought with me, downed the water and was eager to just get home, and eat my sandwich I had saved, on the train from Euston onwards, and get home to my mums cooking.

But, nah. I guess. I had Chicken Katsu Curry Don (I am the tastiest chicken cutlet bowl!) which was tasty, once you got over the whole ‘it’s burning my mouth and its not at all chilli’ thing.

Somewhere to take @dreamychick when she’s here!! Hint hint.

The dude got up, I got up too, still eating (because I eat slow….) and he said ‘today was fun, I’m going to head home now’ and then hugged me (when I had told him not to) and then just fucking up and walked off.

I felt like a cheap whore, who had given the guy a great time only to be thrown aside.

I felt ew…

THANKFULLY, I navigated my way from Westfield (which I had only ever been into once like 15 years ago, and had gotten there by car), I had to find the DLR get to Cannon, take the underground circular, then the underground northern, to get to Euston (that was an hour because of the rush), and then get the overground from Euston to MK – where I live.

Once I got out of underground, I saw all the amazing notifications my best friends @dreamychick and Masa gave me, wishing me a great day and things like that, or just telling me about their day, and that stopped me from crying.

I never cry…not really. But they honestly don’t understand just how meaningful they are in my life.

I came home, dead tired, my legs aching from all the walking. I showed my mother all the cool figurines I got, and my dad said he’d put up a new shelf for me to put them all on. (which is good because…kids come into my room and they break shit – my Levi and Eren nendoroids don’t even stand anymore… cry)

I was too tired, that I went to sleep early.

The next day, I kept my fast (month of Ramadan, so Ramadan Kareem to all those celebrating it!) and made all of my figurines.

No shelf yet.

But I spent the day doing nothing…went shopping for groceries and just had a ‘rest’ day.

Should I be rethinking my friendship with Lucifer after all that? Or is it all just me?