#the light in kakavasha’s eyes will never not destroy me

[stormofdefiance]

There’s so much absolutely heart wrenching beautiful anguished art of Aventurine out there, and I love it all, but the thing that makes me cry, on 100% guarantee, is seeing wee happy Kakavasha 😭

[avensthetic]

𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 (40mp, deco*27)

to you who sobbed as you looked at me who was troubled yet smiling, i say: "welcome home!" because yesterday and tomorrow as well, there is a place here for you to come and say "i've come home!" tw: brief mentions of abuse, slavery, blood, and a pet name. nothing graphic.

𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚

━━ ╸i almost left. almost did plenty of times if i’m honest. it's stupid, i know. running's always been my solution, my way of gambling with the inevitable disaster that follows me around. i’m selfish aren’t i? i didn’t even think how destroyed you would be. but i thought it was better than dragging you down with me.

i’m a fool. me, a man who's gambled everything and walked away from worse, nearly bailing on the one good thing i've got in my damn life. i know i don't deserve you. every day i wake up expecting my luck to run out, expecting it all to go up in flames, you getting sick of me and leaving.

but everytime i come home, sometimes late, sometimes smelling like the deals i had to make, blood and all that, and you're there, waiting patiently, eyes lighting up in relief and delight seeing me unharmed. you smile, and that simple "welcome home" ... damn, doll, it's like finding an oasis in my damn desert of a life.

i’ll be here…if you’ll still have me.

love, kakavasha

deep down, aventurine was still the terrified boy sold at the slave market, his worth measured in a handful of copper coins. all the credits in the world, all the influence he'd acquired, couldn't erase that brand imprinted on his soul.

his gaze drifted to you, sleeping soundly. a pang of guilt and love twisted in his gut. you were the one good thing in his life, a beacon of warmth contrasting the memory of the cold shackles that once coiled around his neck and wrists. the way you smiled at him, the unconditional acceptance in your eyes... it was everything he'd ever longed for, and yet, it felt unbearably fragile.

aventurine always believed he didn't deserve this happiness, this soft illusion of home that your presence created. his hands, stained with blood from past betrayals and gambles gone wrong, felt contaminated. every day with you was a borrowed luxury, a ticking clock until his rotten luck inevitably turned, and he destroyed this haven as he'd destroyed everything else he touched.

a bitter laugh threatened to escape his lips. ending it... maybe that was the kindest thing he could do. spare you the pain of his inevitable downfall, let you find someone worthy, someone who wasn't cursed like him.

he tiptoed closer, unable to resist tracing a finger along your cheek. aventurine had already been through a lot—beaten, starved, used. but the thought of never feeling your touch again, never hearing your voice, was the one pain he wasn’t sure he could handle.

you stirred slightly, mumbling a soft greeting even in sleep, “kakavasha? welcome home.” his heart constricted. that simple welcome, offered so freely, had been his lifeline through countless dark nights.

your promise echoed, “when you say i’m back, i will always be there to greet you with a welcome home.” who was he kidding? he can fool others, but not himself. and aventurine finds himself holding onto your hand tightly rather than let go.

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 - 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 - 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓

[chthonicrose]

going to ramble in a deranged manner about aventurine hsr

spoilers for 2.1 msq

he doesn't hide the brand. he could easily wear a high enough collar that it wasn't visible--but something hidden is a weakness. if everyone can see it, if it isn't hidden, then it isn't a secret, it isn't leverage against him.

and maybe he isn't ashamed of it. it wasn't his fault he was enslaved, after all. and he won the bet. he wasn't sent to the gallows. he got of it what he could.

and he's still alive. still an avgin. are you the last member of your clan? perhaps. if any other children survived, are they like topaz, with no culture but the IPC? do they know the prayer to gaiathra triclops? and he knelt to press his hand to kakavasha's--he doesn't hate his child self. he remembers where he came from. he isn't ashamed of being sigonian, of being an avgin. the katicans destroyed everyone else, but he lives. and that's a blessing, right? he has the eyes, his mother told him, his father, his sister--he's lucky. he's blessed by gaiathra triclops. so this is luck, right? he survived. this has to be luck, that he lived when everyone else was lost. and he's never lost a gamble. (does he want to? what does he say, in the golden touch trailer--but life would be quite dull if it were just an unending series of wins, wouldn't it? does he want gaiathra triclops to take back her blessing? does he keep throwing the dice because he wants them to come up snake eyes?)

while I'm talking about the golden touch. the way it's framed, with baby kakavasha picking up the chip at the beginning at the end, the way he says 'you see'--teaching himself how to play the game, how to be the gambler. no one else will take care of that child, no one else is left.

what is it like, to see kakavasha in the theme park, happy, safe, his family just around the corner, just out of sight? is it worse to see a golden past than a cruel future, kakavasha harder to look at than "aventurine"?

kakavasha belongs to gaiathra triclops. aventurine belongs to the IPC.

there is no aventurine without the cornerstone. the cornerstone is shattered. and aventurine is dead. "dead". a gamble lost, or won. is there a way free on the other side of the dreamscape? did robin find it--robin who has no voice, robin who sings of gilded cages. what does sam know of the other side of the coin? firefly was there too. (hashtag firesam theory confirmed, save me robot girlboyfriend)

the way he pulls the gun in in the light cone animation. kill him. try it. (please?) a seduction, for the little death or the greater one.

anyway. I'm insane about aventurine I don't have a thesis I just have too many thoughts. thank you for coming to my ted talk.