#the joys that come from talking about putting that blorbo in a situation

[tideswept]

Making Of Monday (TMA/SW + Obikin)

A look into the writing process - “how it’s made” for fics (for more on what it means see this post here)

So this first MOM is an interesting one! It's for and inspired by @sweet-cynic during our meandering conversations about horror and eldritch things and TMA and Obikin and of course they all fused and it's like, yeah, we're doing this baby!

Granted, that's not normally how the process goes for me. I'm usually a solitary kind of writer. But it's good to talk with people! Throw silly ideas at each other. Sometimes one of them sticks. Like a magnetized bowling ball.

In this case the catnip quotent is high. I don't want to divulge too much ahead of time (even though I've gushed to way too many people about it already lol) but there's a fascinating element of inherent otherness to Anakin that I love to see explored, and this is a good fic to play around with that.

And Obi-Wan, good god, Obi-Wan, canon-wise and in this fic--he's handed this walking nuclear bomb and he still only sees Anakin (always only eyes for Anakin) to the point that he doesn't see other things as clearly. Things that alarm others.

Did I mention we're flirting with horror? We're flirting with horror. ;)

Horror is... hm. Honestly? I never thought I'd vibe so hard with writing horror. But there's something fascinating about it that I find exposes characters in ways that are fascinating. So I like to, if it's feasible, Put the Blorbos in Situations and then sit back and watch what happens. But it has to be the right idea. I do think Star Wars has some intrinsic elements that make it horror-friendly, but it's certainly not usually the focus and therefore, I like to tread carefully, wait until the perfect reason comes along, rather than manufacturing one. (Good on writers who can do this! alas, I am weak.)

So. Idea. Where does it go from there? It goes to "I don't know what I'm doing but the vibe is right, LET'S GO" and I zoom over to Google Drive. (I know, I know, there are better programs out there, but I'm just... so used to it.) I try to keep the main page of Drive neat, with only the things I'm actively working on being listed. Which, yeah, sometimes can mean up to 5 WIPs, but once I hit that number of active WIPs I put the pause on everything until something clears out, like a queue. Otherwise it really starts to feel... oppressive.

And writing can be difficult for a lot of reasons, but it should never feel oppressive. It should bring joy even when you're clenching your teeth and muttering darkly about characters being assholes and not doing what you want, or having to rewrite entire scenes because they don't work anymore.

Actually, I have a confession; I used to never edit. Like. Ever. It bored me. My brain would say, scene done, moving on, there's no looking back. And honestly that was fine for how I felt at the time. But I'm glad I've learned to edit, to line edit, to accept with begrudging grace that oftentimes I do have to kill my darlings.

It's for the better. Even though I was kicking and screaming about it like a baby for the longest time.

(Maturity? Don't know her.)

[strangefable]

I have been through some similar situations. They hurt deeply and in some ways still plague me on the worst days, but here is what I've learned:

1. the minute people start pulling clique-y, backhanded, mean girls games, block them. remove them from your field of view. you don't owe them anything.

2. turn. off. anon. 'some people are shy' is so often sold on this, and i too have severe anxiety. but i am still adult enough to put my name to my words in an ask. too many people use anon features to bully without recourse. just turn it off and live guilt-free.

3. if they still send you rude asks with sockpuppets, report for harassment. block them on ao3, block them on tumblr. block, report, delete. do not engage, do not respond. do not get sucked into the games, shut it down, walk away.

4. keep writing the things that make you happy and bring you joy. you don't even have to post it, just write it for yourself. if you then later feel like posting, do it! set your account up so you're in control. put comments on moderation or turn them off! you do not have to deal with other people's responses until you're ready.

5. find your tribe. your people. i promise you, there are people who will like your ideas, who will have similar sentiments about that blorbo. sometimes, they will be people who aren't in the same fandom as you. or they share one fandom with you, but are more active in another. the key though, the real key here is this: make friends first, fandom second.

it is hard to reach out and make those first initiations and yeah, a lot of them won't pan out. but eventually, you'll get one friend. then you'll get another. if you keep engaging and sending asks, leaving comments, and putting yourself out there, you will attract good people to you. and then, even when you're talking about blorbo beebus and they don't even know who this guy is, they will still read your work and cheer you on anyway.

this is what happened for me. finally. it took time. it took talking to a lot of folks i didn't end up working out with. there were even some bad interactions. but still. i found one friend. then more. and now i have more mutuals than i could've imagined. all of whom are creative and brilliant and funny and supportive. regardless of whether we're in the same fandom or not. we still show up for each other.

but i had to learn to set my own boundaries first, and block the people who treated me badly. small fandoms are so hard because there's so few people already, but living in fear of the three people who think they're BNFs isn't worth it. block them, and do your own thing. the more you put out into the world, the more of the right people who'll start showing up.

the people like the ones you experienced here? they're the kind that get so caught up in the power and politics and in-group mentalities that they end up othering anyone who comes in with different ideas. they start thinking in hierarchies instead of remembering that all fans are equal. it's a them thing, not a you thing. which can be really really hard to believe, i know, but it is the truth of any place where humans gather.

I'm in my 40s too, anon, and I'm not going to lie to you, it can be tough these days! But fandom is full of so many kinds of people, and the ones you'll click with are out there, but to find each other, you gotta put you out there so they can recognize you. from your story, you did nothing wrong. you were writing your thing, and they chose not to stay in their lane. you are allowed to have different ideas and ships. there is room for everyone in fandom; that's pretty much the point of ao3 specifically. so look after you, protect your boundaries, and do you. enjoy the things you love loudly and passionately, block those who refuse to stay in their lane, and i am telling you, your people will find you.

Feel free to delete this, but: in light of all of the stuff about creative envy/jealousy lately, I'm wondering if you have any advice for a person whose creative self-esteem has been completely destroyed by negative fandom experiences. I greatly appreciate your blog and I'm not sure where else to turn at this point. I am an older person in fandom (I am nearly fifty) and in a conservative career path, and I have nobody IRL I can talk to about fandom-related business for fear of judgment, retaliation, or just "making things worse".

I've been writing fanfiction for around fifteen years, mostly in several video game fandoms. In 2022 I started writing for a smaller fandom (like, <1000 works on AO3 kind of small), which is what got me to finally join Tumblr. Right away, I realized it was the same three people (over and over) in this fandom who seemed to organize all collaborative projects and just sort of "hovered around" everyone. One of them was a very popular author, and they both wrote a popular ship (we'll call them "X/Y"), whereas I preferred to ship X with Z. I generally kept to myself and did my own thing. I occasionally wrote smut with these characters, but mostly just supernatural dramas and humor rated M or below.

My writing, of course, was not popular (because of the ship, I'd presume - which, mind you, was two consenting adults), and the lack of engagement/feedback was really shitty (but manageable to a degree). But then these people who seemed to hold all the social capital in this fandom started coming after me. It started with passive-aggressive vagueposting, and it ended with one of them messaging me out of nowhere (while I was at work) to tell me I was not allowed to submit any work to an "anthology" they were curating because my work made them all feel "icky", while one of the others refused to interact with me at all despite not even knowing me (which another person told me was over shipping, too). I was also told nobody wanted to do fic trades/prompts with me because my work was "too out there" and was "causing discomfort". My work isn't kink/fetish, gore, pro-bigotry or anything like that - it's just a minor-character ship that people got their undies wadded up over for a reason I still don't understand.

I ended up so crushed by this backlash that I stopped writing anything to do with that game and unfollowed/blocked most content related to it as well. And now I want to write something new, and share something new on AO3, and I just...can't. I'm so scared that this will just happen to me again, I'm convinced the problem is me, that I'm a terrible writer, that I'm a reject and a freak, that I brought all of this on myself by doing something unpopular/different, and I'm just...not sure how to abort this creative self-hate spiral I've gotten stuck in, and I'd appreciate any thoughts you could give me, because time and space and touching grass aren't fixing it.

Oh anon, I'm so sorry you went through that 💗 None of that was your fault, and none of it was deserved. You were being bullied by a group of mean-minded individuals who decided to target you over, presumably, which two dolls you liked to make kiss.

None of their behaviour was actually about you. Nothing you did was actually wrong. You're not a terrible writer or a reject or a freak. You're a human being who was treated horribly by others. Those fans who were bullying you have a lot more to be ashamed of than you do.

I totally understand why you'd feel the way you do, anon. The tactics that they used convinced you that you were the problem instead of them. But bullying is always about the issues that the bully isn't dealing with. Their ego, their insecurities, their need for power or control.

I'm sorry that you don't have a support system you can talk to, and I'm glad you reached out. If you have the ability to, I'd recommend seeking a counsellor or therapist that you can talk to about it more. People in those roles shouldn't be judgmental in the way you're fearing, and they might be able to give you that support that you don't have anywhere else.

I hope you do continue writing, since it's something that brings you joy. And when you're ready to post on AO3 again, make sure you use the tools available to protect you from bullying again. You can restrict comments to just registered (logged-in) users, and if someone starts harassing you, report it to the Policy & Abuse team. Restrict asks on tumblr so that you don't allow anons - or even turn your ask box off altogether.

I can't tell you with 100% certainty that this won't happen again, unfortunately. But what I can tell you is that people like that are a tiny minority in fandom. While they might end up accruing power sometimes and even become BNFs, there will always be people who see them for who they really are.

In the end, whether you write and post again or not, I just want you to know that you're not a horrible person, and you're not a freak. You're a fan who was writing about something you love, and you didn't deserve to be treated like that. 💗