#the human kids are very scary to butter because again they've spent their entire life only knowing like 8 people
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I am finally doing it... I am rotating Butter in my head. Identity bullshit for the win.
#rat rambles#eternal gales#smth smth spending your whole* life with no one looking your way only to have the first person to look at you do so as if you're a ghost#they feel so lost and empty all the time and so being treated like a husk when they already feel like one isnt great for their mental state#theyre also in a situation where they both can't stand being treated like a tool but also its the closest thing to being engaged with as an#equal theyve experiences within their memory so they cling to it super hard even as they are put in positions where theyre expected to risk#their life for people that dont care abt them and that they frankly dont care abt much either#they Want to care abt the others especially given theyre the only people theyve Ever Known but they have all just treated them with such#diregard and at best dismissive politeness#so naturally butter had mixed feelings on them all especially given that these may be the only ppl theyve ever known but they dont like.#know any of them on a personal level. like basically at all.#not for a lack of trying they did their damn best to be friendly and compassionate towards them all but it never amounted to anything#they never meant anything to any of them outside of being the rando who keeps dming them and can't be blocked for some reason#and the One person who had any interest in forming a relationship with them after Years was actually just looking for someone else#someone who they cant be anymore even if they wanted to#it makes them feel like they might as well have died that day. they almost wish they did.#their sense of self would already be fragile enough without all this bullshit so with it they often feel very nonexistent#hey at least they have mase. kind of.#its a slow burn friendship between them mostly because neither wanna be the first to reach out#the human kids are very scary to butter because again they've spent their entire life only knowing like 8 people#and mase just. isnt good at starting conversations with people outside of dodie.
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